down at our rendezvous

all it takes is... another man? uh... chrissy, what do you have in there? just a couple of pairs of jeans and some underwear. uh-huh... three pairs of panty hose three dresses and some toilet things. oh. four pairs of shoes two blouses, a curling iron traveling iron, a water pick a hair dryer and a nightgown. uh, don't you think that's a little much?

you're right. i don't need the nightgown. oh, chrissy, do you honestly think you need that portable beauty parlor? judy hogan is going to marry a wealthy, handsome architect and judy is one of my best friends so i figure the least i can do is show up at her shower looking better than she does. i'm sorry. listen, chrissy, put it on the floor. you see, jack, the problem is you can't close the bag on the sofa. it should be sitting on a firm surface. you trying to tell me how to pack? i've done more traveling... hey! it works. you are smart, janet. thank you. ( doorbell rings ) jack could have taken care of it, too-- if we'd given him a couple of weeks. hi, jan. here's the camera. oh, you remembered! thank you. you're welcome. it's one of those instant cameras. stanley and i bought it three years ago. we thought it'd be nice to take pictures of all the interesting places we go to. how does it work? i don't know.

i've seen one. it's simple. you press a button and it goes to work right away. yeah... i wish stanley had a button like that. these things are remarkable. all you do is look through the little viewfinder push the shutter, wait a moment and the picture just sort of oozes out. why don't you guys get together and i'll take a picture of you, okay? here we go. smile. no. janet, change places with mrs. roper. okay. that's it. mrs. roper, squinch down a little bit. chrissy, put your arm on your hip. not you, janet. i'm talking to chrissy. chrissy, take your arm off your hip it's a bad idea. janet, look at chrissy. chrissy, look at janet. mrs. roper, look at me. chrissy turn your head to janet. all right. girls, change places just a second. okay. no, no. back the way it was. it's a hair thing. mrs. roper, look at me. act natural. will you just take the pic...! well.

oh. there's no film in the camera. in that case, it may take a little longer. ( horn honks ) oh, that's sue! oh, her present! we almost forgot her gift. chrissy, i'll take your bag down for you. okay. thanks, jack. it certainly makes a difference without your nightgown. you know, all of this takes me back to the parties i used to go to when i was a girl. did you have a bridal shower, mrs. roper? oh, sure... well, not exactly a shower. it was more of a drizzle. but that was mary milligan's fault. mary milligan? yeah. see, stanley was her boyfriend until i took him away from her. oh, did she make a scene? no. as a matter of fact

here we go, chrissy. mrs. roper, we got her this terrific crockpot. yeah. we figured the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. that's a crock, all right. ( breathless ): s-sue... sue's waiting for you downstairs. well, have a good time, girls. and jack, since you're going to be on your own tonight-- well, if you get lonesome, just give me a ring, huh? won't that wake mr. roper? that's the idea. hey, you won't really be lonely, will you, jack? lonely? just because one is alone? okay, chrissy, let's go. all alone with no one to talk to? nobody to share one's joys, one's woes? all right, that's everything. janet, i won't be lonely so get off the subject. bye-bye, jack. bye. bye, babe. janet... ah-ah! no more of that poor, lonely soul stuff. i want you to know that while you're gone i will talk to your plants. thank you.

let's go, chrissy! all by myself! bye, jack! hey, but don't worry. i'll be all right, all alone... in my empty room. ( disco music playing on stereo ) jack, you sure know how to throw a party. oh, celise, it's so nice to see you having fun. in fact, it's nice to see you doing anything. where do you keep your glasses? hey, what are you doing? waiting on people at the regal beagle? this is a party. relax, and i will serve you for a change. ( doorbell rings ) but i have everything i need. oh, that's true, that's true. that's really true. hey, jack-- you know you're driving me crazy? sure... you are driving me crazy! knock it off!

i don't want to come in. anything you say. ( banging ) change your mind? good. come on in. jack, if you don't quiet down in here you're going out on your ear. very good. do you write a lot of poetry? i mean it. the noise... what is that one? is that a... friend of yours? hey, mr. roper, he's a nice guy. oh, that's a nice one, all right. that's a beauty. listen, why don't you guys do something quiet at night like do each other's hair? mr. roper, join us for a drink. loosen up-- have some fun. i'm not here to have fun. i'm here because i want to go to bed. i'm sorry. it's not that kind of a party. if mrs. roper hadn't taken a sleeping pill she'd be up here complaining too. hello, mr. roper. i do hope you can stay. maybe... just for a minute. let's dance. see how nice and quiet we are?

hi. hi. ah, celise, you saved the whole party. i don't know how to thank you. you don't? i'll think of something. ( both grunting ) good lord! oh, what happened? it looks like there was an earthquake. well, i certainly hope for jack's sake that it was. it looks like somebody left in a hurry. jack? maybe he's asleep. oh, boy.

let's unpack. what is it? what'd you see in there? oh, it's... ha! it looks like she didn't leave

i don't like this any more than you do but it is jack's life and we've got no right to interfere. okay, i suppose. and remember, what happens between two consulting adults in the privacy of their own home... chrissy... that's "consenting" adults. i know, but first they have to consult. otherwise they wouldn't know what they were consenting to. ( laughing ): you really got me there. so, what do you say we forget the whole thing and we'll clean up the mess? oh, might as well. uhh! gee whiz.

i don't know, and i don't care. do you suppose it's anyone we know? oh! sylvia! who? sylvia. the blond with the sports car. i saw her last week. she was driving around with her top down. ( gasps ) ( sighs ) oh. but i'll bet she was. hey, but wait a minute. it was his party. why are we cleaning up the mess? oh, you're right. i've had enough. and i've had enough. and i think jack's had enough. let's go. ( whispering ): all right, lover boy, rise and shine. get up. the party's over. what? ( groans ) where's my pillow? under your head. where's my head? get up and tell your friend to get lost. me fwe, my fweh... wait a minute.

now you listen to me, buster. we are giving you 60 seconds to get her out of here! and we don't want to embarrass anyone so we're going to be in the kitchen. come on, janet. okay. 60 seconds! ( mumbling ) ( door shuts ) ( groans ) honey? sweetheart? baby doll? uh-oh. not tonight, helen.

oh, boy! mr. roper? mr. roper?! helen, you wouldn't believe what a nightmare i just had. mr. roper, wake up! come on, wake up! hey! oh, my god. what have you done with helen? mr. roper, uh... what are you doing here? this is my bed! oh, my god! how did you get me up here? you drank a lot and you must have passed out. i never pass out. why were you in my bed? i must have passed out. let's see, the last thing i remember i was doing the hustle with somebo... this is awful! what? my being in bed with you and you being a...

people are liable to get the wrong idea. yeah, i see what you mean. listen... yes... you got to promise me something. that we'll just keep it between the two of us. what happened here will never leave these lips. i appreciate it. i can't vouch for the blabbermouths. not to worry. most were your friends from the bar. oh, my god! i got to get out of here. ooh, the girls. the girls went to san diego, right? right. and they got back a few minutes ago. the window. it won't open. why not? you still haven't fixed it. i'm trapped! mr. roper, the girls will be in the kitchen

oh, good, good. oh... this never happened. right? right. and thank you for a lovely evening. ( laughing ) you've got a loose floorboard here. i came up to inspect it. that's why i'm not wearing my shoes. see, because my feet are much closer to the ground. i can just... the reason i didn't ring your bell was because i knew you were in san diego and you wouldn't hear it down there. ( both laughing ) what's so funny? oh, uh... i'm sorry, mr. roper, but, uh...

( laughing ) oh, that, oh. i got a very good explanation for that. no, no, please, you don't have to explain to us. but i want to! it's not our business. ( singsong ): anyway, we know what we saw! it's not what you think. ( doorbell rings ) don't answer that! why not? there's liable to be somebody at the door. look, now, will you relax, mr. roper? nobody cares if you're up here. ( laughs ) janet, i'm so worried. stanley.... stanley! where have you been all night?! why do you ask that, helen? why do i ask that? i just got up and found out you hadn't been in bed all night. and you got worried. of course i got worried.

i... but... see... uh... i slept up here last night. up here? yeah. uh... oh... on the couch. oh. good morning, mrs. roper. good mor... oh, hi, jack! how have you been? i haven't seen you for a while. here's your wallet. you left it in my bed. i thought you said you slept on the couch? yeah, well, i-i, yeah, well... i-i-i-i-i-i... come on, chrissy, come on. come on! i want to stay and hear what he's go to say. come on! i think i'll help... you better stay! you're my only witness. i want to know why you lied to me just now. all right, i'll tell you the truth, okay? this is it, so help me. jack gave a party last night, and i came up here but not to have a good time.

and somebody offered me a drink and then another, and then another. and well, you know that i can't take more than two drinks. yes, i know, stanley. so, i must have passed out because the next thing i remember i woke up this morning in jack's bed. oh. i understand. you don't believe me! yes, i do. no, you don't! the girls don't believe me! nobody believes me! you're being ridiculous. what if this gets out? hey, don't worry. i told you i won't tell anybody. neither will we, promise! what about everybody at the party? ( doorbell rings ) hey, that gang from the regal beagle was so high last night they won't even remember you were here. yeah. that's true. hi, jack. hi, celise. i left something here last night... ah, say no more. is this yours?

mr. roper! i couldn't believe what you did last night. i didn't do anything! what did i do? you don't remember? the way you and jack were carrying on? oh, my god! the gang couldn't get over it. you really surprised everybody. how? how? what did he do? i don't want to hear it. is he all right? i don't think he knows what he is right now. well, go on, tell us. how did he surprise everybody? excuse me. well, the party was in full swing and... mr. roper? don't talk to me. oh, come on. it's not as bad as you think. could it be worse? you could be dead. that would be better. i'm so ashamed. oh, come on... i can't go outside my house. people will start pointing and telling stories behind my back. and my own wife... my own wife

i don't know what to do. mr. roper... i'm so ashamed. don't say anything! there's nothing you can say that's going to help me. yes, there is. i'm so ashamed.

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switch to liberty mutual and you could save up to $509 call today at see car insurance in a whole new light. liberty mutual insurance. what? i'm not gay. it was all just a made-up story so you would let me stay here with the girls. really? it's the truth. i'm straight. if you're straight, then i'm the king of siam.

and you're the queen. and just as the party started to sag jack and mr. roper surprised everybody... oh, i'm glad you're back. i was st about to tell them what you two crazies did. see, it's starting up already. i knew it! i'm a little teapot, short and stout here is my ha, here is my spout. never mind the singing. tell 'em what happened. tell the whole world what happened! i don't care anymore! you two were so cute! i'm a little teapot. he had us all in stitches. all right, get on with it. get on with it. what else did i do? nothing. you said that was the only song you knew all the words to. the two of you kept singing it all night long. oh, i'm so ashamed!

i was cute, huh? adorable. i bet you didn't know how talented your husband is. oh, stanley keeps his talents well hidden. you know me, helen. i don't like to flaunt it. you can say that again. oh, there it is. my earring. i knew i lost it here. it's all your fault, you little ear nibbler, you. well, good-bye, all. don't forget me the next time you throw a party. i'll see you at the beagle. so, the little teapot has taken up ear nibbling, huh? come on, stanley. wait, helen, wait. i was just thinking. so was i... about breaking your spout. no, wait, there's something i have to straighten out. you stand right there. i want you all to hear this. jack... hmm? this stuff that you were telling me about how you tricked me so you could live up here.

well... what did you tell him? uh... that i was straight. what? now if that's true and you're living here with them i got to throw you out of here! no, wait... stanley... wait a minute. why would he say something that wasn't true if it was true, huh? he probably... i'll tell you why! he did it for me. he did it to get me off the hook. he's a decent person. i don't approve of what you stand for...