good times anytime you need a payment good times anytime you need a friend good times anytime you're out from under not getting hassled, not getting hustled keeping your head above water making a wave when you can temporary layoffs good times easy credit rip-offs good times scratching and surviving good times hanging in a chow line good times ain't we lucky we got 'em?

well, i'm gonna go because keith will be coming in soon, and since you got the place to yourself, you might want to play -- and i don't mean checkers. [ laughs ] [ laughs ] willona, i am too tired. i don't mind playing checkers tonight. i heard that. okay, king, it's your move. king? [ imitating bill cosby ] so, you must be the new gym teacher. you know, i'm a friend of fat albert's -- hey, hey, hey -- and i was wondering, could we play a little one-on-one in the home court?

well. you know, i really enjoyed that movie last night, babe. me, too. yeah? i'm tired. i'm tired, too. honey, tonight, could you start without me? uh, keith, you mean to tell me you are too tired to take advantage of this situation? uh-huh. praise the lord. [ knock on door ] we gave at the office. we're with the sweet daddy welcome wagon. now, if you don't welcome us, your butt's gonna be waggin'. and who do you think you are, you little mini-punk?

my friends call me "bad news." well, they must be late with today's edition, 'cause they cut you off before the presses stopped rolling. boys, see if this chump looks better with his nose under his right ear. i've seen bigger dudes. i'm gonna call the police. [ chuckling ] boys. excuse me. that's my wife, man. looks like your phone's just come down with split ends. [ laughs ] hey, bad news, did the sweet daddy say we got to be nice to them? ain't i? where's j.j.? j.j. ain't here. uh... well, oh, you know, he joined the army. yeah, he did, and he won't be back for five years. long time.

[ chuckles ] we'll wait. oh, now, wait a minute. whatever it is, i didn't do it. i didn't even think about doing it. matter of fact, i don't even know how to do it. what's eeny, meeny, and teeny doing here? don't take your coat off, j.j. you're going with us. [ chuckles ] do you know this dude, j.j.? well, in kind of a backhanded kind of way. same way you know ivan the terrible, attila the hun. these three boscos work with sweet daddy. i'm his right-hand man. to me, you look more like his thumb.

well, uh, let's go, boys. no, they don't go like that. i'm gonna call the police. on second thought, i think i'll just write an angry note to the police right now. now, wait a minute. let me tell you guys one thing. you're not taking me without a fight. get out of the way! get out! kill 'em, keith! that's right. if they kill you, don't worry. i'll be right behind you. yeah, j.j., i'm right behind you, too, bro. that's right. if you kill my two brothers here, then you'll have to come through thelma! all right! boys. hold on. hold on. hold on. hold on. don't worry, i'm gonna do something that's gonna save us all a lot of problems here. i'm gonna...run! didn't i see you two on the "invasion of the body snatchers"? all right, all right. let's move it on out now.

till you tell me where you're taking j.j. we're going to a cabbage patch to have tea with the easter bunny. oh, okay. i just wanted to know. sweet daddy? sweet daddy, your lunch. sweet daddy: i'm coming. i'm coming. yeah, that's right, claude. you heard me. listen, i don't care what that sucker says. you tell him that sweet daddy's said unless he pay me my money by tonight, i'm gonna repossess all 10 of his fingers. [ horn honks ] great googily moogily. what have we got here? i'm the new day nurse. yeah, well, you wouldn't be wasted at night, either, baby. oh, doggone, you see there.

now i got to wait until tomorrow to find out the results of john's vasectomy. don't get so excited. why don't you just calm down now and get out of that souped-up skateboard and get in the bed? what? [ imitates engine revving, squealing tires ] say, baby, was that an order or an invitation? honey, in your condition, it's just a beautiful dream. hmmmm. if you want anything, just buzz. buzz! yeah, brother, i know just what you mean, j.j., 'cause if i got to go, i'm taking her with me! [ laughs ] j.j.: hey, sweets. that's a nice set of wheels you got here.

come on, j.j., don't be joking like that, man. you're in the presence of a very, very sick person. yeah... poor sweets. looks like the dice rolled a double six. bad news, why don't you take a short walk? right, boss. i'll take me and my boys on a little collection run. come here, chump. what you mean, "your boys"? you mean, my boys, right? yeah, right, your boys. just a little slip of the tongue. you better get out before i slip my foot up in -- go ahead, boy. get out! [ door closes ] hmm. "marion"?! i never knew your first name was marion! come on, j.j. be cool. that name goes no further than this room. isn't it okay if i just call you "sweet marion"? is it all right if i call you a hearse? now go over there and sit down. we got some important business to talk.

i need a blood transfusion. i mean, i need it like yesterday. gee, marion. what?! i mean, uh... uh, sweets. now dig this. i'm not finished. listen, see, sweet daddy has this very, very rare blood type, which is only natural, since i never do anything that's common, as you know about me. anyway, the damn hospital couldn't find me one donor, so i put the boys on the case. so far, they've come up with only one cat. meow? [ laughs ] you see, what we got, man, is such a rare, rare blood type it's called "u-negative." you positive? no, no, no. no, no -- "u"-negative. i mean, "are you positive?" i'm positive, "u"-negative. but if you're positive, and i'm negative -- i'm not positive. i'm negative and you negative. we both "u"-negative.

now, j.j... brother, do you want to hold your tongue or would you rather i hold it for you, out where you can watch it jump around? sorry, sweets. now, i'm gonna make you an offer. you give me your blood. and... "and"? that's the offer, sucker. see, i got this real bad condition i let go too long, and now i need this very serious operation, and i need blood. to tell you the truth, old sweet's chariot is swinging pretty low. i'm at death's door, brother. and you want me to pull you through? what? let me rephrase that. why don't you and your boys just rob a blood bank? i thought of that, j.j. i really did think of it, but someone had beat me to it, and dig this -- they only stole my type. i know it's hard to believe, j.j., but there's some people that don't like sweet daddy. really, marion? what?!

now, j.j., my operation is scheduled for tomorrow. so, what do you say, huh, buddy? i want you right there with me. uh, sweets, you sure got a strange way of asking a friend for a favor. j.j., i am trying to be polite. sweets, you're wrinkling the blood. oh. [ clears throat ] i'm sorry, man. i'm sorry. i'm just nervous. i'm a sick man, j.j. well, sweets, you know, i'm a man of very high principles, especially when it comes to giving my blood. i'm a man of very, very high principles. i'll give you $1,000. you want that bottled or gift-wrapped?

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look here, michael. by giving a few drops of my blood to sweet daddy, i'm saving a life -- mine. j.j., i didn't know it was like that. and besides that, sweet daddy's giving him $1,000 to do it.

does he need any more? well, folks, i guess i'll be going. hey, j.j., did i do something wrong? yeah, you came in. get on out of here and take your butt with you. that's right, get on. you cause enough problems as it is, yeah. [ door closes ] oh, now, take it easy, y'all. look, by adding a few drops of my warm blood to sweet daddy's cold blood, i could be making a new man out of him. just one pint? that man needs to be drained, lubed, and overhauled. j.j., what's this i hear about you becoming a blood brother to sweet daddy? oh, now, come on, willona. helping out a criminal makes you an accessory to every crime he commits in the future. this is the rottenest thing i've ever seen you do. now, forgive my expression, but it really is a black day in the evans family. willona, it's not that serious. i've seen nothing worse.

[ chuckles ] i just changed my mind. look what just crawled out of the woodwork. somebody step on it. mmm-mmm-mmm. where did you come from, sugar? look, man, why don't you go back where you belong? oh, keith, don't worry. i can handle this little chocolate-covered mickey rooney. you're lucky i can take a joke. [ chuckles ] hey, you know what? you're my kind of woman. ooh, you know what? you half my kind of man. hey, you know, when i said i could take a joke, i meant one joke. now, i got business with j.j., and it's private, so everybody out!

you want me to tell you the truth? mm-hmm. well [sniffles] you see, i never told anybody this, but i just hate to get emotional in front of a crowd. so, please... [ sobs ] out! out! out! out! out! all right, hold on. hold on, you guys. don't make any false moves here. wait for me out in the hallway. i can handle this. i thought we paid the rent here. don't we live here? we'll be right outside. yeah, yeah, my boys will keep you company. you know what? you're a nice guy. let me know if you want to stay over for dinner one night. okay. i got a little high chair you can use. j.j., sit down. oh, man, look here.

you know, you didn't have to come over here and do all that ranting and raving, you know? i was getting ready to come over there in a little while. yeah, well, that's what i came over here to talk to you about. okay, you don't have to thank me. the thou that sweets gave me yesterday was thanks enough. j.j... $1,000 is just chump change. now, you stick with me, and you'll be rolling in it. rolling in it? what are you talking about? see, sweet daddy's losing his touch. he's getting soft. when he breaks a client's leg, he pays for the cast... and he autographs it. now, let me show you what i'd do if i was boss of this outfit. hmm... there must be a couple of grand here. five grand, but who's counting? that's for you. what do you want me to do with it? relax, take a vacation.

their shorts look terrible with my knobby knees. j.j., why don't you take your girlfriend? i mean, go to the virgin islands. obviously, you don't know any of my girlfriends. j.j., you need a rest. now, your plane leaves in an hour. yeah, but if i leave in an hour, i won't be able to give sweets any blood. i know this. then sweets might die. yeah. isn't it a shame... how life can be so cruel? [ laughs ] look here, bad news. i don't want sweet's death on my head. don't worry, j.j. it'll just be between you, me, and roscoe. roscoe?

i didn't introduce you to my friend roscoe. roscoe, meet j.j. j.j., meet roscoe. bad news, you really are bad news. you stop and you listen to me. look, i ain't got time to hear that, man. this is a mayday. do you understand me? a mayday. now, you got to get me some blood. either find j.j. or get me another donor! no luck, huh, boss? no, man. well, what do we do now? well, i know what i'm gonna do. what, boss? i'm gonna die. i'm gonna die. shoot. calm down, boss. spread out my mink there for me. you got it, boss. goodness. i got it.

yeah. you know what's hard to believe is that j.j. would take a powder on me. i knew he'd pull a stunt like that. i mean, you can't trust anybody over six feet. the brain don't function right at high altitudes. all i pray and hope for is that i can live long enough to pay that dirty j.j. back. don't worry, boss. i'll see to it that j.j. gets his when your lights do go out. well, you really are little miss mary sunshine, ain't you? there has just got to be another blood donor. i know it. say, big daddy in the sky... ...i know that sweet daddy don't talk to you a lot, but, uh, i need you this time. i really do. if you help me, help me just this one time,

for $10,000 in cash for this hospital, right here tomorrow morning. please, help me, please. yo, sweets. whoo-hoo-hoo! thank you, lord. whoo! thank you. now, sweet daddy don't never go back on a deal. that check for $20 will be in the mail today. hey, j.j., man, come on over here. whoo! for a second there, brother, i thought you were not gonna show up. yeah, for a second there, i thought i wasn't gonna show up, either. so, tell me, like, what made you change your mind? well, uh... i decided not to take that plane. here you go, bad news. wait, wait, wait. excuse me. what's this? hey, that sounds like five big ones.

was gonna do me in with my own money, huh? j.j., looky there. see, that's my mark, man. you mean to tell me, fool, that you was gonna bump me off with my own dough?! bad news, boy, you in trouble. sweets, he's escaping! how's your family, j.j.? but sweets! [ laughs ] fellas, do me a favor. why don't you take bad news here and put him on a plane someplace? wait a minute. i got a better idea. why don't you take bad news and put him on three or four different planes someplace? b-but, sweets! can't you take a joke?! oh, yeah. [ laughs ] now get him out of here. you know something, j.j.? a lot of dudes i know would have let sweet daddy die for five grand. lot of dudes i know would let you die for nothing.

so tell me, why did you stick with me? well, sweets, i figured if you cashed in, then bad news would be in charge of the ghetto, and he's a whole lot worse than you are. i guess, you're the lesser of two evils. the doctor is ready for you both now. thank you, sweetheart, thank you. all right, sweets. here's the grand you gave me yesterday. no, no, brother. no, no, man. you just saved my life. look, if you don't want this, name it. anything you want i'll give to you. okay. i want the right to call you "marion" in public, marion. take the thou, j.j. no, thanks, marion. boy, you better take the thou. okay. i'll use it for michael's college education, and when he becomes a lawyer and passes the bar, the first person he'll put behind them is you. i'm gonna retire by then. oh, right.

there's something i got to tell you i never told nobody. yeah? sweet daddy's scared of needles, man! oh, come on, now! -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com

keeping our head above water