good times anytime you need a friend good times anytime you're out from under not getting hassled, not getting hustled keeping your head above water making a wave when you can temporary layoffs good times easy credit rip-offs good times scratching and surviving good times hanging in a chow line good times ain't we lucky we got 'em?

y'all hear about the big fight last night at the supermarket? whoo! boom-boom belinda and j.j. had it out something awful. ooh! what for? over the dance saturday. boom-boom says she's tired of j.j. dressing fancier than she does. so j.j. said, [ imitating j.j. ] "well, what can i say? "when it comes to fashion, i'm a model from heaven. in the clothes you wear, you're a 747." yeah, but i'm surprised that j.j. broke up with boom-boom belinda before the dance. hey! hey, maybe this is a chance for t.c.! right on. wait a minute, what's my helper got to do with j.j.? t.c.'s hot-to-trot for j.j.

i think it's time for you to do your homework. come on. every time the good stuff comes around, i got to go study. mm-hmm. don't worry about it. we can play gin at your house later. [ imitating mae west ] come over to my place, big boy. we'll finish the gin, and after that, we can play cards. penny! [ laughing ] well, i guess i better get ready to fix this sink for y'all. oh, can you imagine that? a tub fixing a sink. bookman, we told you about that leak three months ago. yeah, but i didn't have the things i needed to fix it. here's your helper now, hamburger. thelma: hi, t.c. thelma. is, uh, j.j. here? no. oh. well, are y'all going to the dance saturday night? oh, yeah, we're gonna go. is j.j. going? well, t.c., j.j. just broke up

really? yeah. oh. that's too bad. okay, t.c., that's enough of that chitchatting. you want to chase after j.j., do it on your own time. and another thing, young lady, you don't see me let my love life interfere with my work. how could nothing interfere with nothing? t.c., get that sink fixed. oh, by the way, miss woods, don't you have a shower for me to fix? no, no, no, no, no. that was five months ago. who needs hot water, anyway? i know what you mean -- i've been taking cold showers ever since the day i got married. mm-hmm. hey, t.c., i thought j.j. was gonna take you to the dance. haven't y'all been going out for a month now? yeah, michael, but it's only on weeknights. we watch the hockey games, the basketball games, the wrestling match. i would like to be something more than just one of the guys. what's wrong with me?

you know, when it comes to women, there's something you must know about j.j. oh, no. j.j.'s gay? no. no, no, no. that's not what i mean at all. well, see, his taste in women... well, how can i say this? you know, well, it runs to... trash. well, let's say "flash." i mean -- what she's trying to say is, his girls have nicknames. he gives them all nicknames, like "boom-boom" belinda... myrna the burner... and nicki the quickie. hey, everybody. thelma: hey, keith! how you doing? see, baby, i told you i'd remember to pick up my suit. you were supposed to pick up my dress at the cleaners. j.j.'s got your dress. he'll be up in a minute. he was just hustling the girl down at the cleaners for a date to the dance. j.j. is gonna take a perfect stranger to the dance?

but j.j. wouldn't take no for an answer. when i left, she was pressing his shorts... [ chuckling ] ...with him in them. j.j., will you look at my dress? what are you doing?! it's got 50 creases in it! willona, i'm lucky that i'm not creased. running through the ghetto with a dress is not exactly easy. i had a wino wink at me, i had a construction worker whistle at me, and some guy asked me to go to a dance. why didn't you go? hey, t.c., my main man. what's happening, bro? hi, j.j. j.j., i heard you broke up with boom-boom belinda last night. uh, uh, it's not gonna be easy to get another date for the dance. no big deal, thelma. all i got to do is pick up the phone, make one quick call, and with my reputation,

j.j., and when they do get a look at you, they'll break down the walls to get away from you. oh, yeah? i'm gonna make one girl real happy tonight. yeah? yeah -- what i'm gonna do is go get my little black book and let my fingers do the walking through the yellow pages of l-u-v -- love! t.c., you better do something. what? take the initiative -- ask him out for a date. well, i don't know. hey, look, this is the age of the liberated woman. i mean, i always enjoy it when a girl comes on to me. before you were married, right? yeah, yeah, a long time ago. girl, you better hurry up before j.j. calls some bimbo

who is going to be the lucky girl? ha ha ha. so, j.j., this is your little black book, huh? that's only from "a" to "g," keith. i couldn't carry the rest of it out here. let me look at this mess you got here. yeah, i got it all indexed and everything, see? got it according to height, weight, hair color, hairstyle, hair length. even got a little extra star down there for experience. j.j., did you go out with a girl who's 38? uh, that's not her age, keith. heh heh heh! that's her i.q. heh heh heh. yeah, keith. i even got dates according to present dates, current dates, and future dates. mm-hmm. future dates -- lola falana...

princess grace? i like a little challenge. heh heh! j.j., do you think that, um... uh... i wonder if you -- chello? fifi? yeah, this is j.j. here. yeah, kiss-kiss to you, too, lover. look here. i know this is a little far in advance to be calling you, but there's a dance tomorrow night. you think you can make it? oh, you got to babysit. you got to babysit for little timmy johnson? oh, ok-- little timmy johnson? wait a minute -- that dude's 22 years old! j.j., if you need a date for the dance, you don't have to call those girls. there's a sexy lady right here in this living room who would love to go to the dance with you. willona, don't you think you're a little too old for me? want a slap across your nose? uh, j.j., i have something very important to ask you.

but you go first. oh, no, it can wait. y-you go first. well, you know, there's a big dance saturday night. uh-huh. and we've been going out a little bit lately -- you know, going to the football game, basketball game over at hanson's, right? yeah, i have so much fun. i always have a good time when i'm with you, j.j. yeah, yeah. we laugh. ha ha ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha ha! and we laugh. ha ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha! whaaaa! remember that waitress who spilled a drink on you? oh, you mean that overdeveloped, orange-haired hussy? yes. [ laughs ] yeah, what was her name? uh, they called her... dotty! dotty! dizzy dotty! dizzy dotty! what a name! [ both laugh ] [ laughing loudly ] hanson's bar?

yeah. dotty? yeah, this is j.j. i was down there a week ago. you spilled a drink on us. yeah. oh, that wasn't my girlfriend.

i am tired of being one of the guys! i am a woman! right on, t.c. and, t.c., don't be ashamed to show it. j.j.'s like every other man. if you want to cook his goose, you got to catch his eye. there ain't no shame in shaking before baking. what do you mean? honey, you got to be feminine. there's a definite feminine walk, okay? now watch. now, that would turn the heads of most men. yeah! and a few rhinos.

the girls that turn j.j. on walk like that? no, they walk like this. ba-ya gah-gah dow-dow bow-bow bow-bow bow dow-dow see dee bee bop dow-dow dae plop! well, there are other ways, t.c. you see, a woman can say a lot of things with just her eyes. and her gestures. watch. [ chuckles ] [ giggling ] i didn't know there was anything between us, miss woods. there always is -- your stomach. i'll see y'all later. hey, t.c., where you going?

[ disco music plays ] hey! beg your pardon? uh, i was just noticing that you happened to be an aquarius. oh, you an aquarius, too? are you kidding? [ chuckling ] whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. right there.

well, honey, you know, my moon is in the seventh house. i know what you're talking about. we've been evicted a couple of times ourselves. uh, are you into e.s.p.? well, of course. well, then, would you happen to see us spending the night together? hmm. well... i have a vision. mm-hmm? it's a moonlit night. mm-hmm. and you and i are alone. mmm! and you lean over... [ inhales sharply ] and you whisper... oh, you whisper another one of your lines. and...and i... and i just smack you upside your head, chump! [ clears throat ]

yeah, my polo injury, my knee. [ chuckling ] hey, hey, string bean, you struck out, huh? me, strike out? what gives you that impression? well, if that phony smile of yours was any wider, your ears would be inside your mouth. i mean, look, brother, you cannot be phony. girls are too hip for that. you got to be honest. honesty is the key. i mean, you got to be like... yourself. yeah, honesty, huh? i guess you're right. honesty is the best policy. j.j. evans. robert redford here. listen, brother, let me tell you something. you want some women? i mean, just stick with me. i have not slept alone in years. yeah, neither have i, thanks to michael. matter of fact, the last time i slept alone, i was in this incubator,

making eyes at me. [ laughing ] you see, i got this big, big problem with women. i just cannot seem to get rid of them. oh, yeah? if you're doing so good with women, what are you doing in a spot like this -- alone? you see, i just haven't seen what i wanted yet, you know? ooh, until now. hey, that is one hunk of woman there. you know, i feel like i already know her. yeah, me too. oh, no. no, no, no, brother. that fox is gonna be displayed

hey, sugar, sugar. where have you been hiding yourself? i didn't know i was hiding. well, not that much. t.c., i hardly recognize you. well. if it isn't little j.j. evans. say, uh, you know this dude here? only by reputation. he's supposed to be a real lady-killer. [ chuckling ] him? well, you know, what can i say? well, you could say "arrivederci," toothpick. wait a minute here. hold on. t.c., how about me and you going down and skipping this place and have a little hamburger? [ laughing ] can you dig this? the great lover here wants to have a hamburger.

and i suppose billy dee is gonna want a chocolate shake, too? yeah, with two straws. [ laughter ] he probably has to be home at 10:00. j.j., listen, i have a better idea. i happen to know that there won't be anyone home at your place tonight, so why don't we just go back there and have dessert... if you know what i mean. uh... [ chuckling nervously ] yes, i do know what you mean. that would be very, very nice. oh, uh, just an average night for the kid. close your mouth there, brother. you're gonna let the flies in.

well... we're finally alone. j.j., why don't you fix me a...little something? why? is a little something broken? a drink. oh, a drink. yeah, a drink. some kool-aid, some root beer, some ginger ale, some "ferret branca"? forget it, j.j. let's not waste any more time. uh... [ voice cracking ] uh, t.c., are you sure you want to be here? it was my idea, wasn't it? yeah. uh... [ clears throat ] couldn't we, uh, turn on the radio and get the final sports scores? the only scoring i'm interested in

uh... t.c., you know, you really surprise me. i always thought of you as just one of the guys. well, do i still seem like... one of the guys? not any of the guys that i know. you know, t.c... this is really surprising. i mean, you think you know a guy -- i mean, a woman! a ms.! you go to the football game with them, you go to the basketball game with them, and then all of a sudden -- well, you know, i never dreamed -- ...i never dreamed you were this type of girl. j.j. [ chuckles ] you're so nervous.

[ voice cracking ] are you kidding? it's just that i was expecting a change-up and i got a vida blue fastball. but, uh, i can't wait to see your curve. [ laughs ] j.j., you're so funny... and so cute. well, uh, let me go, uh, take off my jacket here and get ready for the real action. yeah. ahh! where exactly, uh... were we? now... ohh, j.j. j.j., please. j.j. j.j., stop. t.c., what's wrong? look, j.j., i got to level with you. this isn't me. the hair isn't me. the dress isn't me.

well, then, who are you? don't you see, j.j.? it's an act. i did this because i really like you, and i wanted to attract your attention. you're too nice a guy, j.j., and i feel guilty about fooling you. would you mind fooling me just a little while longer? is that what you really want, j.j.? uh, no, hold on, t.c. i'm not sure what i really want... at least from you. but i think we should take the time to find out. how much time, j.j.? well, as much time as we need. and we can start tomorrow by going to the dance, if you want to. i'd love to. that is, if you're sure i won't spoil your reputation. there's really not that much reputation to spoil. you mean, what they say on the ladies' room wall isn't true?

-- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com

keeping your head above water