and jane wyatt with elinor donahue, billy gray and lauren chapin in father knows best. (margaret sings) - [margaret] fronk are you all right? - oh, si i'm all right. this lawn sure gonna a lot of work. in bad shape (laughs). - are you sure you're all right? you know you look like you're out here singing away, but now you look worried. - oh it's nothing sometimes a man just feels a little lonely. - lonely? - maybe i get a little sad with senor anderson with so fine a wife and family and i... (laughs) but it's no matter.

maybe you should find a nice girl for yourself and get married. - i have found her, but it's a no use. she hardly know i'm alive. - oh now i doubt that. - [fronk] oh it's true, espera. besides i'm not good enough for her. she is too much beautiful and have too much sense to take a second look at me. would i want a kind of a woman dumb enough to take a second look at an hombre like me? (laughter) - of course not! i got pride you know! (laughter) - fronk... -[fronk] besides i've got work to do. - that's probably why he's been so sad and listless lately and not like himself at all. - who's he in love with? - i don't know, but whoever she is hardly knows he's alive. at least that's what fronk says. - well he's probably just too bashful to speak to her.

- help promote it? - well of course, we always help fronk when he's in trouble. - true, we always will, but not in love matters. that's his business. - but when a man's in love, that's when he's most helpless. - [bud] oh i don't know. - [kathy] you lie! -well regardless - [bud] oh and you know all about them - [jim] of who is right you stay out of this, - [kathy] well i don't... - [jim] do you understand? - don't you want fronk to be happy again? - certainly, but when you interfere with other people's affairs you just make trouble for them and for yourself too, so don't mettle! the worst thing you can do. - [kathy] pardon me (laughs). - i better run. - goodbye honey. - [margaret] goodbye. - [jim] see you tonight. - dad said don't mettle. - who said i was going to? - nobody but i can hear those wheels in there starting to spin. (laughter) - morning fronk. - [fronk] buenos dias senorita betty. could i speak with you one momento? - sure, what about?

you study many words and you know how to write them, so could you, maybe, write a little letter for me? - well who is the letter to? a girl? - si (sighs) elena. - where did you meet this elena? - oh i no have met her. she works for her mama, mama berta's flower shop. for maybe a year now, i have been delivering flowers to them from the nursery where i work for. - well while you're delivering flowers there don't you ever talk to elena? - she no hardly look at me. mostly to the mama i talk. even when she looks at me, she's so beautiful i... i no can say nothing. in here i feel much, but nothing comes out of here.

so what you should do - [fronk] is write to her! write her and tell her all the beautiful thoughts i have for her, but i no write so good, so maybe you? - well i'm not supposed to mettle (sighs) but inasmuch as you're begging me to do this. you are begging me aren't you? - oh si. - good i have no choice then (laughs). come on, i'll get rid of this and we'll see what we can do. - bueno! mi vida, mi cielo cuando te veo -[betty] well whatever you're saying sounds a little too emotional to me. this first letter should be reserved, polite, telling her how you've long admired her and well perhaps asking her for a reply. - bueno you know what to write. i go back to work now. - ok i'll write it and you can look it over. oh how do you want it signed? just fronk?

if she see that she will throw it away. just sign it with my usa last name, smith, senor smith. that way she will not know who it's from. - well if she doesn't know who it's from, there's no point in sending it. - oh there is much point. first, we must make her fall in love with the beautiful thoughts that i write, or that you write. then after she's in love with the beautiful words it won't matter who i am because it is said that love is blind. - well it sounds like a goofy plan to me, but if you insist. - si fronk knows best. i go now, you write.

is not unpleasing to you, i would enjoy very much receiving a reply. helena, do you know this senor smith? - no mama i have no idea who he is, but he must someone very nice from the sound of the letter. - the writing paper is muy bueno, not cheap. the handwriting educated, the words very fancy.

i wouldn't trust this man. - oh but mama you don't even know him! - neither do you. - this letter tells almost nothing about himself. and this name smith sounds a little like, how do you call it, phony. - oh now mama. - no it would be a mistake to encourage him now. - still you are almost 30. (laughter) here better answer it. - if you think i should. - [mama] i'd like to find out more about him, but be very cautious, eh? but not so cautious as to scare him away.

- fronk did you get an answer? - si, read it. came yesterday. i did not sleep half of the winks last night. she wants to know all about me. what i do, what i look like, what i read, what hobbies i got. hey do i got hobbies? (laughter) - well i don't know. - i better get a couple. wonder what size i take. (laughter) - sounds a little timid. maybe she's just being cautious, but anyway we've got her interested that's for sure. - si. - there i think we answered all the questions she asked about you. - i hope you didn't answer so good, she will know who i am. - no i was pretty vague about everything. just told her enough to keep her interested and guessing, which is good. but she poses one problem here. she says, "i would very much like you to "send me a photograph of yourself." - oh no! no fotografia! one look and she see who i am and bang there goes the whole romance. - well whatever you say. soon now i think you ought to send her a picture.

- oh no, she don't want to look at my face, not yet. she not blind enough in love yet to stand that. (laughter) of course if i looked like that, that would be different. then the face would fit the beautiful words, si. - hey maybe i ought to send this picture. (laughter) - a picture of father? - si. - have you lost your mind completely? that's the worst idea you've had so far. - but if it help make helena fall more in love the blinder she will be, and pretty soon it won't matter what i look like. (laughter) - no that's such a stupid idea i won't even argue about it. - but it's... - sorry for rushing, but i have to get to school. now here's your letter and good luck. - gracias, muchos gracias senorita. - uh huh, bye bye. (gentle music) - [elena] i would very much like you

- helena if you want a fotografia, you shall have a fotografia. (laughter) a handsome one! ah elena, mi querida helena. - hey, the lawn is certainly shaping up. - [fronk] gracias. oh say senor, would you do me the favor and tell senorita betty that i already got and answer to the second letter she wrote. - ok, what did you say? you got an answer to the second letter she wrote? what do you mean? - she did not tell you? she has been writing letters for me to my lady friend.

- si and it's working magnifico. she should get a real big metal. - yeah, she's a real big mettler all right. (laughter) - so we're writing little love letters are we? (silverware crashes) - what did you say? - i thought i told you to stay out of that. - he asked me to do it, he begged me, didn't he mother. - yes, i hope we won't make an issue over this. - oh dear, if you think of it, bring home some table flowers tonight. the davises are coming to dinner. - don't change the subject! now listen betty i... betty - what did i do so wrong if it's making fronk happier every day? - [jim] and probably getting him deeper into trouble each day too. - oh now i doubt any harms been done. betty shouldn't have written the letters, but fronk is so bashful he never would have gotten anywhere on his own. - well when he gets to where you people are pushing him i hope he enjoys it. don't involve me in this. (laughter)

- what the heck was i supposed to bring home toni [daughter] sometimes the hallways felt like a giant maze. [mother] jenny didn't feel like going to school, and she slept during the day and was up at night. she seemed irritable all the time. [daughter] it felt like there was a weight on my shoulders. and the weight was really hard to hold up. [mother] one day my daughter was crying, that's when jenny told us she thought about hurting herself. [daughter] then my parents got me treatment.

davises, dinner, meat? ice cream? pinno? well, probably expects me to forget anyway. (laughter) that's it flowers! (bell rings) - he will talk to me. - oh but you must not let on you know who he is because then he will know you have been reading his letters and that might displease him. - do not worry, i know how to handle matters such as these.

(laughter) - i am sorry to keep you waiting. may i help you? - yes i'd like some flowers, something suitable for a table decoration. - we make something very, very nice for you. would you like perhaps something like this? maybe perhaps like these? - (laughs) whatever you think. - and this little extra. the occasion if for a dinner of course. - that's right. (laughter) - at your house? (laughter) - yes that's right. - and it must be a very nice house i imagine, no?

- it's fairly nice i guess. - well, about how large? (laughter) - i'm in a little bit of hurry, would you mind speeding this up? - but of course, it's natural you're anxious to meet your friends after a hard day of work at the, where did you say you work? (laughter) - i work at, down the street, up in a bank building. - a bank! (laughter) and you're very low in this work? - look excuse me, if you're concerned at all about my credit rating, please don't be. i intend to take care of this big transaction with cash. how much is it? - [mama] for anyone else, 3 dollars, but for you, 2. - i'm afraid i'm a little short. will you take a check?

- ok here you are. - thank you. mille graci. i hope i see you from now on, very often, no? oh the flowers. - what's this? this is a name, anderson? - [jim] of course. - it's not smith? - [jim] smith, of course not. now what's going on here anyway? all of these questions. can't a man buy a simple bouquet of flowers for his wife? - wife! wife. you are married? - certainly i'm married, what's that to you? - what's that to me? i am her madre, and you ask what that's to me? from the very beginning, i knew you were a phony one. now get out! - [jim] look i have no idea - [mama] get out of here!

- [mama] get out, get out right now! vaya! vaya! never come back here again! - yes all right. and then she started shaking her finger under my nose screaming, "vaya! vaya! vaya!" then she practically threw me out of the flower shop. now what do you make of that? - well this is awful father. (laughs) i hate to tell you but it's really kind of funny. - funny? - that's the shop where fronk's girlfriend works. - that was fronk's girlfriend? - no, that must have been mama, mama berta. the peeping tom in the back room was evidently elena. - well what made her think that i was fronk, or smith, or whoever? - that's what i'm wondering. betty how did you sign those letters? - i just signed them senor smith, his usa last name. i have no idea why she would think father was the one... (energetic music) wait!

it's gone. oh that fronk, that stupid fronk. - well what's gone? the snapshot of father that was stuck in here. fronk must have sent it to elena as a picture of himself. - why did you let him do a fool thing like that? - i didn't. he wanted to do it and i said absolutely not. but evidently he must have stuck it in the letter anyway. - oh dear, what a fine mixup. - i'm sorry. i guess i shouldn't have started writing those letters. i was only trying to help fronk. - well you helped all right, helped ruin his romance. - too bad too because that elena is not bad looking.

elena, not bad at all. - well maybe we can explain things to elena. - how can you explain that senor smith looks like me, but he isn't, he's fronk and these letters are written by a girl, and... (doorbell rings) oh brother i give up. - oh dear, i hope those aren't the davises already. - oh fronk. - senor anderson, i have come to apologize what i did to you by your picture. - what you did to me? come on in, wait til you hear what i did to you. - si, i know. i have just come from the flower shop

even after i tell you what happen to me, you will not believe it. boy i did not know what was going on when mama push me out through the back door and told me to wait. so i waited and waited and finally i hear mama making big, loud talk, and elena crying. (elena crying) i cannot stop myself from peaking inside just a little. - such letters. - but such letters i never received before. - [mama] and never again i hope. oh fronk! - [fronk] excuse me, senora. - [mama] i forgot all about you.

wait, i get the money. (elena crying) - please senorita, do not cry. - here you are fronk. - about the sadness of the senorita, there is a confession that i must... - there will be no more sadness. this senor smith anderson is worth no sadness. oh this man, this man, nothing but lies. do not cry elena. anyone would be better for you than this fancy senor smith. even a plain one, like fronk at least he has trust. - mama, please do not talk so! you are embarassing fronk! he has never even looked at me.

oh senorita, from the first day i come here i have looked at you with the eyes, with a heart. it was you who never looked at me. - well. so look now, look now my dear. (laughter) - and now you are all invited to the wedding. - oh that's wonderful but isn't this awfully fast? - what is fast? we have been in love for a whole year only we was just too dumb to know it. - is elena in full agreement with this? (car horn) you know, what i mean is - [fronk] excuse me.

- hurry fronk. we must get to the city hall for the license before it closes. - ok honey. - indeed it does. - well congratulations, you better hurry. - goodbye! - good luck! - oh she's wonderful isn't she? - well i never thought this would come to pass. not with miss cupid's letters and my picture and all. - adios! - well now she rid of all of us mettlers and mama to boot. - you wanna bet, look. (laughter) (applause)

and jane wyatt, with elinore donahue, billy gray, and lauren chapin in father knows best. - [jim] margaret. - i'm in the kitchen, dear. - (laughs) - oh what a surprise. i thought you were going to play golf this afternoon. - i was, but something happened today that made me change my mind. - oh, put these on the top shelf, will you dear? - sure. anyway, i couldn't wait to get home to tell you. - say dad, i don't suppose you'd consider letting me borrow your car tonight? - sure, bud. be my guest. see honey-- - [margaret] bud, put these in the freezer, - [margaret] will you please? - honey, i want to tell you - [bud] do you have a flat tire, dad? - no. - jim, you didn't have a flat tire, did you? bud, the freezer. - [jim] no nothing like that - honey i usually -- - [betty] oh, hello everybody. what are you doing home this early, father? - well, i was trying to tell your mother about it. - i knew i forgot something. the squash. - oh don't worry. i have to go to the library this afternoon.

i'll be right back to help you mother. - margaret, i -- - the gas tanks empty, is that it? - no. (laughter) - what were you trying to say, dear? - well, this morning about 10 o'clock -- - [margaret] oh, bud, the ice cream. - green or yellow? - [margaret] what? - [betty] squash. - oh, green. (laughter) - [kathy] hi, everybody. guess what. - [margaret] oh, what is it, angel? - i'm going to have my very first diving lesson this afternoon. (cheering) - [bud] make sure there is water in the pool. - naturally. daddy, aren't you going to say something? for the last five minutes. - oh, jim. i'm sorry. forgive us. - [betty] what is it, father? (laughter) - well i was merely going to suggest that i think all of you ought to be around about four o'clock this afternoon. - the finance company is going to pick up the car? (laughter) - well why four o'clock, jim?

sort of a surprise. a rather big surprise. (commotion) - well if i tell you now, it wouldn't be a surprise. (jovial music) (tranquil, beachy music) - i hope you're happy. you've got us all excited now about your big surprise. you sit and watch television. (laughter) - well, it's not long until four o'clock princess. you'll know then. - can't you just give me a hint of some kind? - i want to watch this betty. it's a wonderful program. all about hawaii. it's music, it's customs. must be a wonderful country. - honestly, father. - in just a few minutes they're going to show a real polynesian luau. would you want to watch? - oh, no thanks. personally, i can't stand the suspense around here.

- all right, but you'd better be back by four o'clock. - you know i will. - [jim] and, um, aloha until four o'clock. (laughter) - aloha. (laughter) (door slam) - well. oh margaret, let me help you with those. - oh, no no no. this is my department. besides, i need something to make the time go by faster. unless you want to tell me now what your big surprise is. - well, matter of fact, maybe i'd better tell you now. - don't you dare. (laughter) - i thought you wanted to know. - oh, i do. except, i don't think it would be fair to the others. - not even one little, small clue?

i want to enjoy this misery of waiting just like everyone else. (laughter) - [jim] margaret. i know i don't say much about all the hard work you do around here everyday. it's not that i don't appreciate it, dear. -oh, i know you do, dear. - i also know that a lot of wives have help. at least someone to do the heavy work. - oh, jim anderson. you'd better stop talking like this, or you're going to have me feeling sorry for myself. (laughter) - never the less, i want you to know how i feel. i think you should get someone in. the sooner the better. now you think it over. i'll see you at four o'clock. (whistling) (laughter) - [t.v.] stay tuned for your favorite afternoon program, the richer life. (hopeful music) - [t.v] mrs. van winenger, our wealthy socialite, is discussing the menu for the evening meal

(jaunty music) - dad. (laughter) - [kathy] (mumbling) thanks for the lesson. - [woman] oh, you're welcome, kathy. oh, by the way, your father was just here. - [kathy] he was? - he stopped by to see how your first diving lesson went. i'm sorry he missed it. - did he say anything to you about a surprise he has for us? - no. we were busy talking about your swimming lessons and the new pool here. you don't have a pool at home, do you kathy? - no. why? - well, your father was so interested in ours. he looked at the depth, and the size, and how it was made. he seemed to know so much about it, i thought perhaps you had one. - oh, no. (laughter) you say he was asking about

- he certainly was. boy, if all the parents would take the interest in their children that your mother and father do. it's so important. - i think you just told me what my daddy's surprise is. - what? - and what a surprise. what a great, big, wonderful surprise. (squealing) (happy music) - mom? you both have a perfect driving record. no tickets. no accidents... >>that is until one of you clips a food truck, ruining your perfect record. >>yup... now, you would think your insurance company would cut you some slack, right? >>no. your insurance rates go through the roof. your perfect record doesn't get you anything. >>anything. perfect! for drivers with accident forgiveness, liberty mutual won't raise your rates due to your first accident. and if you do have an accident, our claim centers are available to assist you 24/7.

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mom? - [margaret] bud? - [bud] oh, wait until you hear what dad's surprise is. - [margaret] oh, bud. how did you know? - oh, just you wait. - [betty] oh where's father? is he home yet? - not yet, betty. he has five minutes more to go. now, bud, tell me. - just synchronize your watches. - oh what a day this is going to be. - in just a few minutes, you're going to see the most spectacular, the most terrific-- - [jim] somebody paging me? (laughter) (chatter) well. where's kathy? - maybe we should wait for her. - i think so. - no she knows about it dad. she's bound to. in fact, i'll bet everyone in town knows about it. - well, the word must have gotten around pretty fast. - hello, dear. - say i, i don't suppose that little, old envelope just happens to have a little, old set of keys in it, does it dad? - keys? - keys? - keys? - come on, tell them, dad. - tell them what? - oh, come on. the way you were wheeling that big convertible around town, you can't keep a--

i almost gave it away, didn't i? (laughter) - oh that? - yeah, that. - that car belongs to herb stanford. he let me take it while he was servicing mine. (laughter) - bud, is that what you thought the surprise was? - yeah. - [jim] i'm sorry, bud. - oh don't pay any attention to him, father. he probably thinks we're going to drive across the ocean to hawaii. (laughter) oh, i guess i gave it away this time. (laughter) - hawaii? - hawaii? - [jim] hawaii? i don't understand, betty. - oh come on, father. you've been dropping clues all over the place about it. first that television show you were watching, and then these books you ordered from the library. hawaii: our 50th state. (laughter) - well, i just finished reading a book about mars too, betty, but that doesn't mean i'm planning a trip there. (laughter) - you mean, that isn't your surprise?

- well, what is it then? - well, whatever it is, jim, we will love it. you know that. - i'm beginning to doubt it. maybe you'd better read it first, and then see if it's worth mentioning. - oh, jim. how wonderful. - [kathy] daddy? (door slam) daddy, have you told them your big surprise yet? please, may i tell them? - you mean you know, kitten? - well i'd be pretty stupid if i didn't. it's, it's a swimming pool. (laughter) isn't it, daddy? - no, kitten.

- it isn't? - no, honey. i'm sorry. - jim, the children don't know what's in this letter, so naturally, they can't show their appreciation now, i want you all to listen. - oh, no, margaret. please. - [margaret] just wait, dear. - i know they're all going to be very, very proud of you. dear jim, the chamber of commerce, in cooperation with the pta, requests your presence at their next meeting, where it'll be my pleasure to present you with this year's gold key award. as you know, this honor goes to that citizen that the committee considers the ideal father of the year. signed, daniel campbell, mayor.

- that's very nice daddy, but when are you going to tell us your big surprise? (laughter) - kathy anderson. - no, she's right, margaret. compared to convertibles, trips, and swimming pools, i don't think it's a very exciting idea myself. well i have some work to do. i'll see you all later.

- we're awfully sorry we didn't think your surprise was a very good one, daddy. - well, i am too, kathy. maybe one day i can come up with

- dad, i know we said all the wrong things and everything, but really what's so out of line about wanting a convertible? i mean, half the guys from school have them. - and a lot of my friends go to hawaii, even europe. - and a lot of people have swimming pools. - i know. and believe me, i'd love to give you those things, but it takes more money than i make. - how do other people do it, dad? people like the bradmens, and the jones, and the turners? they all have two cars. - and they all go to europe or some place. almost every year too. - and they have swimming pools too. - yeah, and they don't make that much money.

like a lot of other people, are great followers of the dollar down, dollar per week installment plan. - that's a pretty good plan, huh? (laughter) - sometimes it is, kitten, but a lot of times it isn't. because when you live from day to day like that, you're gambling on everything going perfectly. (chuckles) and life just isn't like that. something goes wrong, someone becomes ill, and you lose everything. i think i'd be the worst kind of a father if i took chances like that. you see, the one thing i want for all of you is a college education. i happen to think that is the most important thing you can think about. - yeah, but a good looking car can be pretty important too, dad. - but in the long run, bud, which do you

a good looking car or a college degree? judging by your reactions, i must be wrong. maybe i'm giving you something you don't want, let alone appreciate. - well that's not true, father. you know that. - no, i don't know that. not at all. (whimsical music) - it's my own fault, margaret. why should i expect the kids to get excited about a gold key? (chuckles) i wish i'd never mentioned it. - jim, i'm just as guilty as the children. - what do you mean? - well, when you told us you had a surprise,

- don't tell me i disappointed you too, margaret. - oh of course not. i couldn't be more happy or pleased with your surprise. it's just that. well, dear, i think it's human nature to want expensive things, luxuries. - what do you want, honey, that you don't have? - oh, i have everything i want, dear. it's just, i was merely trying to explain why the children acted as they did. - oh, you don't have to explain. i understand. i don't blame them. tell me, what did you think the surprise was. it'll have to go some to top the others. - oh it's too ridiculous to even mention. - a mink coat? a yacht?

- oh, i thought perhaps you might walk in here with a maid in a white crisp uniform who cleans up the house with one hand (dishes clattering) and whip up some dishes with the other. (laughter) well, i have an imagination, too dear. - well that's the one request that makes sense. i told you i wanted to get someone in to help. - well not at the price we'd have to pay. much as i would love it. - well we can stretch the budget that far. - oh i don't mean money. you see, the way it is now, everyone in this family has to contribute something. betty hurries home from school to help me, and kathy does various things around the house. things that i could myself in half the time, but it brings her home too, and i think it teaches her responsibilities.

it's better for him to have definite duties that keep him home rather than hanging around street corners with too much time on his hands. so for the time being, let's leave things just as they are. - you know, i think the committee made a mistake. they should have given the gold key to you. - oh, no. it went to the right person. it's because of you that i feel this way. you've been my candidate for ideal father for many years. (tender music) - i wish the rest of the andersons felt that way.

(jovial music) - [margaret] are you ready, dear? - yeah. - well come in the dining room a minute, will you? - well honey, if we're going to eat out before this meeting starts, we'd better get going. - i know, dear. - personally, i'll be glad when the whole thing is over. have to sit around and listen to a lot of silly speeches. what am i going to do with a gold key when i get it? - this is our surprise dad. - [everyone] surprise.

- this is our way of telling you that we think your the ideal father every year. this is from us, for you.

report card ending first semester. spelling, a. english, a. conduct, b. (laughter) arithmetic, i can't make it out, kathy. - you're not suppose to. it might spoil your appetite. (laughter) i'll try harder next semester, honest. - thank you, kitten. this is to certify that ms. betty anderson, because of her high scholastic standing,

honorary scholastic society. princess. congratulations. - i really had to do some digging to come up with something, dad. up until this morning all i had was a bill for a scratched finder and two tickets to the baseball game. (laughter) but i just made the deadline with that. - james anderson, jr., because of his interest in the advancement of fellowship and leadership, has been nominated as a

congratulations, son. - my gift is on the table, jim. a very special dinner. - i may not be the ideal father, but i know one thing, i have the ideal family. - of course, dad. if you happen to have an unusually good year, i could still go for a convertible. - i wouldn't be exactly insulted if (laughter) you decided to hire at least a part-time maid. - and sooner or later, father, we're going to have to see hawaii. (laughter) - one thing you don't have to worry about is getting a swimming pool. - oh? - i'd much rather have a yacht instead. (laughter) - oh we may not be the richest family, but i'll bet we're the most normal. (laughter) (applause) (jovial music)

[doorbell rings] oh, hi. - hello, deirdre. - deirdre, harry. sorry to be late, but we had dinner at the sawyers', and i have the most marvelous news! what happened? you'll never believe it! good evening, hazel. oh, good evening, mr. thompson. - deirdre: i can hardly believe it myself. - deirdre, please! - tell us what happened. - you'll never guess. deirdre, i asked you not to say anything

oh, harry, don't be so cautious. nothing can go wrong. that's not the point, deirdre. do you know that this man knew about this for days and didn't even give me a hint? i had to hear about it from mrs. sawyer. deirdre. harry, you're interrupting me. honestly, dorothy, it was embarrassing. you know, any normal man would tell his wife. i'm sure that george would tell dorothy. wouldn't you, george? well, you'll have to fill me in a bit before i commit myself. [laughs] i'm sorry. you know, i'm so excited that i'm incoherent. harry, tell them about it. there's nothing to tell. i haven't-- harry, stop being so modest. we're all family. or we were. i'll get the coffee. well, to put it simply, there's a merger between general duplicating machines and sawyer computers. mr. sawyer will head up the overseas operation, and my harry is vice president and general manager of the home office.

congratulations, harry. i'm so happy for you both. we're proud of you, harry. well, home office, huh? big job. keep you busy, all right. of course, you won't have to make those long inspection trips every couple of months. i haven't minded them. won't it be nice to have harry home with you all the time. oh, it certainly will. you can't imagine how difficult it's been for me to entertain properly with harry constantly out of town. of course, i don't mind, now that my efforts have borne fruit. it isn't that harry hasn't got it in him. he just needed a push in the right direction. it's not that he isn't bright. it's just that he lacks drive. what's the matter, mr. thompson? you--you look kind of peaked. oh, i'm fine, hazel. you look kind of pale and flabby to me. i think you need exercises. if you want me to, i can give you some terrific muscle builders. look, you hold your spine straight, like this, you see,

and then pull in your stomach just as far as it will go. deirdre: ...is hazel doing? oh. this would be good for you, too, mrs. thompson. really? oh, sure. we got the same problem. and, you know, the beauty part of this exercise is you can do it anyplace. i do mine waiting in line at the supermarket. how interesting. you inhale... [inhales] and then you hold yourself all tense, you know, like you was busting out of a box. some other time, hazel. exhale. oh, look at this. look, i wanna show you. look it, it took two inches off my waist. you ought to do it every chance you get, mrs. thompson. harry. uh, yes, dear. stop slumping over there by yourself and come and join us. harry, who's moving into your old job? no one. i'm not moving out of it. what?

in which to make up my mind, and i've decided against it. [laughs] this is some kind of a joke. i don't wanna manage the home office. i wanna stay where i am, out in the field, until i retire. have you taken leave of your senses? now, deirdre, why don't you listen to what harry has to say? harry must know what's right for him, deirdre. harry has never known what's right for him. i've had to wheedle and push and manage every promotion the man has ever had. now, deirdre, harry is very well-thought of. there's no one more highly respected-- george, why don't you just stay out of this? harry, i want you to stop this nonsense. i want you to call mr. sawyer, tell him that you will accept the job with pleasure. no, deirdre. - what did you say? - i said no. it wouldn't be fair to the company to take on this added responsibility when i'm planning to retire in 47 months. retire? on half pay? well, my dear, we can't manage on what you're making now.

i've been thinking about this for years. whenever the going got tough, i'd count out the months and i'd say to myself, "hang on, harry. in a little while you can chuck all this and be off to bora bora." bora bora? i told you about it once. i was there during the war, the most beautiful, peaceful place on earth even then. that's why i'm turning down the job. in 47 months i can get on a boat and sail away to bora bora. harry. why, harry, you can't expect me to give up my beautiful home and all of my friends and go traipsing off to a desert island in the south pacific. i suppose not, deirdre. but it might be good for you. you might learn how to relax. you're welcome, of course, if you do care to join me. you are out of your mind. suit yourself, deirdre. you mean it. why, he means it.

oh! every man has moments when he would like to chuck everything. well, so does every married woman. now, just exactly what do you mean by that? exactly what you meant, george baxter. harry, i want you to stop this foolish daydream and shape up to your responsibilities like a man, or i will-- you'll what, deirdre? well, i don't know what i'll do, but don't you put me to the test. hmm. harry? i'm waiting for your decision. hmm. well, what have you decided? - not to wait 47 months. - what?! i'm going to retire now. i won't need much-- a couple hundred a month. you can have all the rest. it's quite a lot, you know. you'll get by very nicely. good-bye, deirdre.

good-bye, hazel, and thanks for everything. good-bye, all. and hello, bora bora.

difficulty with your breathing, eh? i'll call you if i need you, dorothy.

oh, where's harold? i told him he could watch tv in my room. - what did the doctor say? - nothing. he hasn't examined her yet. oh, it's perfectly ridiculous, dragging dr. summerfield away from his banquet. george, she couldn't breathe. oh, she's done this ever since she was a little girl. whenever she couldn't get her own way, she held her breath. i just don't see how you can be so unsympathetic toward your own sister. well, i don't blame harry one little bit. oh! you don't? no, i don't. she's my sister, i love her, and i feel sorry for her, but she's brought this whole thing on herself. and none of this was harry's fault? absolutely none of it? harry's a nice guy. nice guys don't walk out on their wives without any warning. oh, he should have told her off years ago. you see, the trouble with you women-- you think because a man takes it, he's gotta like it. - oh, is she okay? - she's had a shock.

i gave her a sedative and she'll sleep through the night. tomorrow get this filled and give her one pill four times a day. and you'd better have a check with me in a week or so just to be sure. thank you, doctor, so much for coming. doctor, i hate to call you away from an important meeting, - but dorothy was so worried. - that's all right, george. i may make it back in time to speak. i was sure it wasn't serious, but you know how women are. - well, good night. - good night. what's the matter? what'd i do? what in the world gets into you women? oh, go to bora bora! what's she so mad about? mr. b., if you ever happen to get an important case, i hope it don't come up before a woman judge.. how come aunt deirdre stayed all night at our house?

what gave it to her? eat your tuna sandwich. she said it was on account of that fight she had with uncle harry. i heard her. do you think that was it? well, it's her headache. if she had it, she ought to know it. then how come mother and dad don't have a headache? oh, you're full of questions today. drink your milk. they had a fight, too. sport, your parents don't fight. maybe sometimes they don't agree, but they don't fight. are they gonna make up pretty soon? i don't like it when they...don't agree. sure, they'll make up. i bet i know whose side you're on. oh, well, you're real smart today, ain't ya? you eat your tuna sandwich or you won't get no dessert. mother's. dad says women always stick together. well, this time you're wrong, and your dad, too. this time i'm on his side. athletic club? mr. harry thompson, please. i believe he checked in there last night.

well, would you please tell him it's very important? i see. well, would you give him the message, please? he's there, all right. he's not accepting any calls. now, how do you like that? what is it, hazel? oh, i wouldn't think of butting in on a family argument. that's exactly what i've been trying to tell her. unless there was a child involved. well, nancy is 22 years old and married. i ain't thinking about her, mr. b. i'm thinking about harold. you two better make up if you don't want to get him all upset. you should've heard the questions he was asking me. well, we aren't having an argument. no, it's just a difference of opinion. come on, george, we'd better explain to harold. well, you better kiss each other before you tell him if you want to sound convincing. now, wait a minute. you know, uh, hazel's a pretty wise woman.

well, did you deliver my message? well, will you tell him that i called again, and please ask him to get in touch with me at-- at his earliest convenience. thank you. he won't talk to me. oh, well, here's some tea. and try to eat a little, mrs. thompson. i can't. oh, well, you can drink the tea. how can i apologize to him, hazel, when he won't even speak to me? well, if it ain't being too personal, what was you figuring on apologizing about? about what i said. oh, well, i don't remember you saying anything so terrible. of course, you did say he was out of his mind. well, i-i was rude, hazel, i was terribly rude, and he has every right in the world to be angry with me. oh, well, mr. thompson won't mind that.

he's a very understanding man. don't use that pseudo-psychology with me, hazel. come out with it. what should i apologize for? well, maybe you shouldn't apologize at all. maybe you'd be better off without him. maybe he just hurt your pride. oh, that's not true, hazel. i love my husband. honest? oh, he's the sweetest, kindest, most lovable man in the whole world. i know i-i always... wasn't as thoughtful of him as i should have been. i really didn't realize he was so unhappy. he should have told me. mr. thompson ain't the kind that complains. no. no, he isn't.

with your heart as well as with your ears. well, i-i knew it, hazel. i-i just didn't want to think about it. but you're right. it isn't harry's fault that we've drifted apart, it's mine. mr. thompson's the kind that's always around when you need him. yes, he is. they don't come any better than mr. thompson. you know something, hazel? you know that--that last night was the first time in 27 years when something terrible happened that i couldn't lean on harry and he'd comfort me. that must be real nice. he always thought more about my troubles than he did his own. but that's what marriage is, ain't it, mrs. thompson? two people caring for each other

that i didn't give him, hazel. i'm a very domineering woman, i know that. well, maybe that's the kind of a woman he wants. of course, unless you go too far... well, i could change, honest. it's not too late. oh, mrs. thompson, he's just crazy about you. everybody knows that. if he wants to go to bora bora, i'll go to bora bora if i have to swim. put it there, mrs. thompson. that's a girl. but how can i apologize to him when he won't even talk to me? don't you worry about that. i'll take care of that end. i, uh, i'm sorry, madam. this is a gentlemen's club. women are not admitted except on alternate wednesdays. oh, well, i just wanna speak to mr. thompson, mr. harry thompson. i'm sorry, madam. would you care to leave a message? no, i've got something for him here, and i wanna--

sorry, madam. oh, several messages for you, mr. thompson. mr. thompson, there was a lady asking for you just a moment ago. - mrs. thompson? - no, sir. i don't wanna see anyone, anyone at all. i, uh, i believe she may have been attempting to serve a-- a summons on you, sir, if you'll pardon my saying so. - thanks. - not at all, sir. i'll see that you're not disturbed. - hey, lady. - oh, just passing through.

[telephone rings] office. - and quickly. - yes, sir. [men chattering] [silence] hi. i've been a member of this club for 34 years, and this is the first time a thing like this ever happened. where'd she come from?

- you don't know if it was the same woman, do you? - no, sir. - i thought it was only fair to warn you. - [footsteps] madam, women are not allowed in the game room, not even on ladies' day. oh, hi, mr. thompson. i've been looking all over for you. mr. thompson, do you know this woman? - i'm sorry. - oh, yeah, me too. you shouldn't have come here, hazel. well, maybe not, but now that i'm here, can't we have a quiet little talk? you are aware of the rules, mr. thompson. i request that you take your friend outside. man: disgraceful. never would have believed it. hazel, come with me. send my bag to the airport. just give me the subpoena and leave, if you please, hazel. what subpoena? isn't mrs. thompson suing me for divorce? oh, this ain't a subpoena.

two tickets to bora bora. two tickets? did mrs. thompson buy these? yeah, that's right. it isn't a trick? you didn't buy these yourself? no. no, mrs. thompson did. i can't believe it. i just don't understand. well, it's kind of obvious, ain't it? strange, isn't it, hazel? i'm not sure that this is what i want, either. i'm so tired. i'm just plain tired. i can't think or feel. i'm too tired to know what i truly want. oh, well, take your time, mr. thompson. nobody's pushing you around anymore. well, i guess most of it's been my own fault, hazel. i let myself be pushed around. could be. we're too old to change. well, mrs. thompson's willing to try. why don't you talk it over? after all, 27 years of marriage-- you owe her that much. where is she? she's still over at the baxters'.

[telephone rings] baxter residence. oh, yeah, he's here. yeah, i'll call him to the phone. just hang on a minute. it's for mr. thompson. it's mr. sawyer. telephone, mr. thompson. it's mr. sawyer. thank you, hazel. hello, mr. sawyer. thanks for returning my call. uh, i'd like to talk to you about that proposition you made to me. would you folks like a cup of coffee? well, not exactly, mr. sawyer. i'd like the job very much, but, uh-- tea? not so fast, mr. sawyer. there are a few qualifications. it's been years since i've had a long vacation, and my wife and i were planning on a trip to the south seas, kind of a second honeymoon. well, we were planning on three months. be firm, dear. well, just a moment, mr. sawyer.

he can keep the job open for six weeks. what do you say, deirdre? - we could fly home. - whatever you say, dear. take it! we only had six days on our first honeymoon. you've got a deal, mr. sawyer. see you in the office tomorrow morning. just practicing. you've got the wrong ear, deirdre. left side means you're available. i am. the right one, you're taken. he's gonna take the job, but first they're going on their second honeymoon. boy, i never saw such a change in a woman in my whole life. come on, harry. come on. we've got a million things to take care of. now stop dawdling. yes, dear.

[ ] "and a merry yuletide to all at your house, from marty, ev, lulu, descartes and pierre." descartes and pierre? well, they're probably poodles. lulu too, maybe. but who are marty and ev? george?

nobody. well, it could be martha and everett. martin and evelyn? george, think! there isn't any last name. how can i send them a card if you don't help me? well, if you don't even know them, why bother? darling, they must know us. they're probably clients of yours. - isn't very good business, george. - [doorbell rings] oh, darn, there's somebody at the door. [doorbell rings again] - harry, rita, come in. - hi, dorothy. we just dropped in for a minute. - are you busy? - not at all. i'm just finishing up some last-minute christmas cards. i haven't even started sending my first-minute ones yet. oh, well, i'm glad for a break, and besides, hazel has some cookies in the oven. - hi. - hi, george. rita, what do you do about christmas cards from people you don't know? toss them in the waste basket. mmm-hmm. harry, you married a very sensible young woman. and then i fish them out again and try to figure out who they're from.

go on into the living room, we'll join you in a minute. rita, i want to show you what hazel's doing. there we are. hi, mrs. noll. hi, hazel. oh my goodness, this really looks like santa's workshop. just the marshall road branch. wanna see what we're taking to the kids in the children's hospital this year? oh, they're darling. hazel: missy designed 'em. harold: and hazel sews 'em up, and i put the stuffing in. i could buy some material, if you need anymore. the more the merrier. oh, that's very nice of you, rita. of course we could use some more. okay, pal. as friend, partner, neighbor and fellow husband, i just thought it was my duty to warn you. thanks, pal, but you worry about rita's present, i'll take care of dorothy's. how you gonna feel when dorothy sees rita christmas morning all decked out in a full-length mink? solvent. cheapskate, that's what you're gonna feel like. and you know what's gonna happen, don't you?

and i'm gonna say no. sooner or later, you're going to have to shell out for you. ah, drop it, harry, i can't afford to buy dorothy a fur coat, and that's that. we want to talk to you about the most marvelous santa claus. - did you ask george about the santa claus? - i didn't get around to it. oh. i'm absolutely wild about him. he's got the most adorable face you ever saw, and wait till you see the reindeer. each one has a personality all their own. it's about 15 feet high, wouldn't you say, harry? oh, and at least 50 feet long. oh, you mean for the front lawn? 'course, it seems like a horrible price to pay, until you stop and think it'll last for years. guaranteed for ten. and harry says that if you two want to go in with us, we can put it between the two houses. well... i don't know, how much is it? amortized over a period of ten years, hardly worth talking about. - well then, let's not talk about it. - george! well, i don't want a herd of reindeer on my front lawn!

dorothy, i've been meaning to ask you, what do you think we ought to give the butterworths? i haven't thought of anything either. they have everything. what do you generally spend? about $20. they give us a $20 present, so we give them the same thing. every name on our list has a dollar sign after it. darling, you know perfectly well i buy gifts that people will like. well now, honey, this isn't a personal attack against you. everyone does the same thing. everyone except hazel. she's the only person i know who still has the true spirit of christmas, and that's because she makes her gifts. well, i have to can't afford to buy 'em. far as i'm concerned, christmas is for children. umm, harold, what would you like santa to bring you? i dunno. a new bike? i got one for my birthday. how 'bout a sled? i guess a sled would be okay.

- good night. - good night, harold. i think we ought to be going, too. oh, must you? it's so early. you didn't eat your cookies! oh, we'll take some with us. thanks very much for the cookies, and i'll call you tomorrow. see you at the office, george. all: good night. what did you say to george to get him so upset? oh, i just suggested that my wife might look prettier than his on christmas morning. oh, harry, be serious. now-- oh? what are you getting me?

well, that's the last straw. imagine a kid his age who doesn't really want anything for christmas! oh, george, harold's too old for toys this year. he's not quite old enough to want anything else. if you mean he's spoiled, you're wrong, mr. b. well, why do we have to give in to all this commercialism? like what? spending more money than we can afford.

now that isn't christmas. what would you like me to do, george? well, if you really want to please me-- i do, darling, you know that. all right then, telephone every adult on your list and tell them we've decided not to exchange gifts this year. we'll give that money to the children's hospital instead. all right, george, i will. and that goes for you and me too, dorothy. it's absolutely ridiculous for grown-up people to take money out of a joint bank account, just to buy each other expensive gifts. oh, golly, mr. b. and as for harold, he's getting a christmas stocking filled with fruits and nuts and that new winter coat he needs. oh, george! okay i give him a box of cracker jacks if i take the prize out first? furthermore, can't we have a simple sit-down christmas dinner, instead of a buffet? but george, we can't possibly seat that many people. why do we have to ask that many? well, there's 11 in your family alone. don't ask them, except my mother. what about mr. griffin? he's been coming here

and we can't invite him without having mr. sutherland. hazel: certainly not, he's been coming here longer than mr. griffin. and the johnsons and the dorfmans. and ms. dylan and missy's aunt grace. look, can't you rent or borrow a longer table? now, if you really want to please me, let's have a quiet, simple sit-down christmas dinner, with me at the head of the table carving the turkey, and you at the foot and harold saying the grace. don't worry, missy, i'll manage. all right, george, i won't invite anyone we don't have to. if that's really the way you want it. thank you. and i think it's about time for the news. [click] i got a good mind to rip up that sweater i've been knitting him. i don't blame you. and those beautiful cuff links. did my own hair for three months to pay for them. oh well. i'll give them to him on his birthday. come on, hazel, i'll help you clean up.

buy your gifts at discount joe's, the no down credit way [clicks] woman: do you have tired, itchy feet - from christmas shopping? - [click] man: season's greetings, ladies! now hear this. don't let cranberry stains on your best tablecloth spoil your christmas dinner. [click] here is good advice. [click] - kids, tell your dad-- - [click] - ladies-- - --all the way, buy your gifts at discount joe's the no-down credit way now, dear friends, let us wish you a merry christmas from all the cast and crew. - and until this same time next week-- - [click] if you folks ain't listening to nothing special, - i got a wonderful idea. - oh, what, hazel? well, it's something we oughta do around this house. why don't we all sit and listen while mr. b reads us a christmas carol, by charles dickens? you know, about mean old mr. scrooge

i heard it this afternoon on tv. i've heard it so often i could recite it. backwards. it was a nice thought, hazel, but frankly... well hazel, i guess your propaganda's fallen on deaf ears. george, do me a favor, will ya, pal? keep this package for me at your house. it's rita's mink coat. well, why my house? my bride can look at a package from 30 paces and tell what's inside it. x-ray eyes. and if that fails, well, there's always shake, rattle and bounce. and if that doesn't work, they poke a finger in the corner. well, i want this to be a real surprise. i got her a big bottle of perfume for a decoy, so she won't be expecting anything else. okay, i'll have dorothy tuck it away somewhere. uh-uh, not a word to dorothy about this. or hazel.

but not with a secret like this. oh, make out a check for mr. butterworth - for 50 bucks before you leave. - what for? party for the office staff tomorrow. i thought we decided last year-- we'll keep it under control. harry, i've already given my secretary-- argue about it with the old man. harry, harry! harry, come back here. he went out the door, mr. baxter. where're you going? oh, mr. butterworth said we girls could leave early. i'm gonna get my hair done. oh, and spend that beautiful check you gave me. well, mr. griffin will be here at 5:00. mr. baxter, tomorrow's christmas eve. i've got to get my hair done. okay. run along. - thanks. - [christmas music plays] oh, would you mind turning the lights out on the tree when you leave? oh, isn't it sweet? i just adore christmas, don't you? all that lovely loot. lovely loot.

canned music.

[muffled] go away! but how's missy gonna feel when all the other wives show what their husbands gave 'em? go away! but mr. b, there's a real pretty negligee i want you to get at blackstone's for her. - [muffled] dorothy! - she ain't here. she and harold went shopping early so they'd be there when the store opened. shopping for what?! a present for the dorfmans. i thought we told all the adults on our list we weren't exchanging gifts this year! well, maybe she forgot to tell 'em, or maybe they just didn't pay any attention. anyway, they gave us a solid silver cheese knife. i give up, i give up. it's the kind of blue that brings out the color in her eyes, mr. b. a blue cheese knife? no, the negligee i want you to get for missy. it's at blackstone's on the second floor. i already bought her a toaster!

wouldn't be no trouble. he can't stay in there all day. i'm waiting right out here for you, mr. b. but mr. b, i could take it back for you. now hazel, i want you to listen to me. i absolutely will not be bullied. wait a minute, what's all this? those are the tables and chairs we rented so's you could have your sit-down dinner. well, how many are we having?! 27, and there ain't one name you didn't okay personally, mr. b. hazel, i didn't okay 27 people! oh yes you you did, mr. b. well, there's 11 on your side of the family alone. and then with you 3, that's 14. and then mr. griffin and mr. sutherland. and then there's the johnsons and the dorfmans,

[party sounds] i brought you some sandwiches and cookies, mr. baxter. well, i know it's rather early, but they're going awfully fast. i baked the cookies myself. well, thank you, ms. scott. we've all been invited down the hall to blum and shapiro's. i don't mind staying, though, if you need me. oh, no, no, no, if i need to dictate anything, i can put it on tape and you can transcribe it on monday. no, no, you run along and have a good time. i'll try to join you later. oh, thanks, mr. baxter. merry christmas. don't let the cookies get stale. hazel: jingle bells! jingle bells! did you find the extension cord, hazel? oh, i found a lot more than that! [gasps] - what is it? - it's heavier than a negligee. oh, was there a card?

don't tear it. no, sorry. - you got it? - yeah. just a little more will do it. ugh! [laughter] - be careful, hazel. - oh that's all right, we can fix it. you better do it, missy, your hand's smaller than mine. what is it? oh, it feels like-- oh hazel, it can't be. it's fur! what kind? well, it feels like... oh hazel, it can't be. it's mink! oh, bless his heart, the christmas spirit got him after all! oh, the darling! can't get my hand out. oh, he shouldn't have! he should have, missy! oh, can you imagine him talking like that and then buying me a mink coat! oh, i could kill him! he gave me a few bad minutes, too! i could just kill him! [crying]

- didn't mean what he said about christmas! - [laughing] boy, i better put it back where i got it. i don't wanna spoil his christmas. missy, don't you wanna eat something along with harold? it's getting kinda late. oh, no, i'll wait for george. [doorbell rings] i'll get it! merry christmas! merry christmas! [smooch] rita with you? uh-uh. i just stopped by on my way home. george here? no, not yet. oh, big party at the office? - does it show? - just might. merry christmas, hazel. i wanted to talk to george. when do you expect him? oh, any minute now. maybe i better not wait. rita and i are opening our gifts tonight, and i still have to write the card. you don't know where that package is that i gave george to keep for me, do you? package?

without a card? yeah, i asked george to keep it so rita couldn't poke around and guess what was in it. what does it look like? oh, about so. weighs about four or five pounds? i guess so. wrapped in blue paper with gold ribbon? that's it! yes, i think i know where it is. i'll get it. no, no, let me. merry christmas. [smooch] [crying] blackstone's? second floor please, ladies' lingerie. merry christmas, yeah.

with long sleeves and lace cuffs. it cost $84.50. you know the one i mean? you still got it? oh, yeah, size eight. well, look, i wanna buy it as a gift for somebody, but i don't want my name on the card. just from santa claus. and it's gotta be delivered the first thing tomorrow morning. but the trouble is, i don't have any charge account with you. now wait a minute, i been living in this town for years. well, okay, lemme talk to the credit department. merry christmas. look, my name is hazel burke, and i got a problem.

butterworth, hatch, noll and baxter. merry christmas. may i speak to mr. george baxter, please? speaking. oh yes, yes, what can i do for you? i'm checking the credit references of a ms. hazel burke. she stated that she's been in your employ for 14 years. yes, that's right. well, in view of the fact that you and mrs. baxter have had an account with us for years, a very satisfactory one, i may say, i thought we might just stretch our policy a little to accomodate ms. burke. particularly since the gift is for mrs. baxter. hmm, i see. with a card from santa claus. if you were willing to guarantee, as it were, her purchase of $84.50.

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ssssy, it looks scrumptious. [phone rings] baxter residence. yeah. oh. is that george? no, it's for me, missy. well, thanks anyway for trying. oh, yeah, merry christmas. i just don't understand why george is so late tonight. you want me to call his office? of course not, no. he'll be home, just as soon as... [door opens] george: merry christmas! i'm in here, george. sorry to be late, dear. i had to stop at blaclstone's. harold asleep?

i broke down and bought that radio he's been hinting for. after all, in a few years he'll be grown up. what changed your mind? well, something made me realize there was just 86 shopping minutes left till christmas. perfume for hazel. you hungry, mr. b? oh, no thanks. just tired. oh, well then, you better get to bed. missy and me got a million things to do tomorrow before the company gets here. good idea. why don't you just leave everything, hazel, and i'll get up early in the morning and help you. missy, you better wrap up them cuff links again. come on, honey, i'm beat.

that ain't no negligee. it-- gotta be-- it is. oh evergreen, oh evergreen you give us so much pleasure how of the christmas time the sight a green fir tree gives us delight oh evergreen, oh evergreen you give us so much pleasure