anytime you're out from under not getting hassled, not getting hustled keeping your head above water making a wave when you can temporary layoffs good times easy credit rip-offs good times scratching and surviving good times hanging in a chow line good times ain't we lucky we got 'em?

hi, y'all. michael: hey, willona. hi, gramps. flo, i got a problem. yeah? what is it? it's this. what you think? yeah, you do have a problem. if you're planning on fitting into that little thing, the only thing you won't be showing is a little common sense. flo, it's not for me. it's penny's. jeffrey bought it for her. that's the new boyfriend? mm-hmm. ooh, he sure is generous. a little too generous. this is 100% silk. do you know where it came from? well, now, if that's 100% silk, i'd say a worm somewhere in china. flo, marshall fields. jeffrey's credit card hasn't got any rest since he met me.

this week this silk nightgown, and god knows what's next week. maybe a guest spot on "charlie's angels." what's going on? i come in to ask you for some help, and i get the best of groucho. flo, seriously, though, i don't know what to do. i don't know whether i should let penny have this or not because he's coming on a little too fast and a little too soon. i don't want to be that committed. now, suppose he wants to buy something else expensive. what do i say? why don't you just tell jeffrey that penny needs four new law books, a sports coat, electric shaver, and a basketball? oh, will you be serious? i am serious. oh, gramps, when i go out this evening with jeffrey, i'm gonna have this on my mind all night. willona, you shouldn't worry. what you should do is get yourself one of these, and then jeffrey will have it on his mind all night. all right, michael, get out of here. i'm just jivin'. i'm leaving. see y'all later. okay.

liked it, and decided to stay there. mm-hmm. oh, flo, what am i gonna do? well, willona... i think you have to do what you think is best. mama... well, penny... i think mama has finally decided you can keep this gift. thanks, ma. you know, baby, it makes me happy when you get the finer things in life that you want. are you sure, mama? absodutely, popsitively. [ laughs ] okay, mr. bookman, keep going. okay. what in the world? oh. hold it right there, honey. what is this? it's the headboard for penny's new brass bed. brass bed? brass bed? yeah, it was too big to put in the elevator,

i must have lost 5 pounds. i can't afford to lose that. yeah, isn't it beautiful? just what i wanted all my life. willona, did you -- no, flo, i didn't. now, jeffrey has finally done it. take it right back where you got it from. what?! mama... no, take it out of here. oh, no, ms. woods, that would take all day. i'll miss half my dinner. good. we'll ship the other half overseas. that should feed about 2,000 people. now, get it out of here. nobody knows the troubles i've seen. but, mama, you said it makes you feel happy when i have the things i want. baby, that's before jeff decided to make santa claus look like a cheapskate. now, honey, there's a limit. he's reached his limit. you can't have it. but you said -- no "buts." you heard what i said. oh, yeah.

[ door slams ] hi, guys, we're back. hey, willona. thanks for babysitting for me. i owe you $285 now. no problem. thank you, sugar. mike -- jeff. nice to meet you, jeff. my pleasure. good night, baby. why don't you sit down while i check on the baby? okay. she's sleeping. can i get you something? oh, no, no, no. say, baby, why don't you just come and sit down, relax for a while, huh? good idea. i'm a little tired anyway. that's nice, real nice, baby. why don't we just buy two flags and signal each other? all right, jeff. hey, i'm sorry about this evening, but my mind has been on penny all night. i know.

no, she doesn't. yeah, she does. you should have heard the way she said her prayers tonight. she said, "dear god, bless aunt florida and all the family "and all the little animals. and, oh, yeah, mama, too." it blows my mind to think that when it comes to god, i'm second to a turtle. well, if it bothers you that much, why don't you just give her the brass bed? no, no, i can't do that. sure you can. are you the kind of lady that would let a brass bed come between the love you and your daughter have? jeff, we've only known each other two, three months now, and that's an expensive gift. i just can't. or the love you and i have? [ slurring ] i just can't. [ normal voice ] all right, all right. you talked me into it. oh, baby, i haven't even started talking yet. [ knock on door ] coming! coming, coming, coming. better watch yourself. all right, ms. woods, i just finished putting the bed away in the cellar. when do you want it sent back?

i changed my mind. oh, come on, ms. woods. not that, now, please. i mean, what did i ever do to you? 17 floors! booger, booger, now, would you let penny sleep on a lumpy, old bed when she has a brand-new one down in the cellar, rusting? would you? would you? yes, i would, uh-huh. oh, come. coochie-poochie. come on, ms. woods. come on, now. [ laughs ] come on, ms. woods. come on, cutie pie. come on, now, ms. woods. you're taking advantage. [ giggles ] well, i hope this makes you feel better. well, hmm. i bet i know what would. not tonight. oh, no. party. we could have a party here tomorrow.

we could have a real good time and forget about all is hassle. hmm, a party tomorrow? yeah, nothing big. just a ltle coming-out party, you know, to let the world know we are together. oh! you better put me down. you know, you are such a good salesman. all right, we can have a party. okay? well, all right, then. you take care of the house. i'll get things set up. call me tomorrow. every hour, on the hour. oh, very french. get out of here. ms. gordon, what are you doing here? i can't stand all the waiting. now, what's happening? i set the party up for tomorrow night. now, give me a break. the woman's upset. the brass bed did it, huh?

[ chuckles ] i knew it would. well, you know, but i think -- i don't pay you to think! now, i told you before. penny was legally adopted, and the only way i can get my daughter back is to prove willona's an unfit mother. and that's exactly what i intend to do. do you understand?

here they come. party time -- whoo! jeff. hello, willona. brought your friends with you? sure did. come on in, y'all.

yeah. but of what? jeffrey, are these your friends? do you happen to own a circus? come on, baby, they're harmless. oh... here. hey, i want you to meet willona woods. jazz! jazz? well, that means "hello." you see, worm here is on a different wavelength than the rest of us. well, don't look now, but i think the sucker just blew a fuse. willona... what do you think you're doing?! willona, what kind of people are these? flo, i-i don't know. jeff? jeff -- flo. jeffrey, what in the world -- willona... there's a lady over there spiking all of your punch. what's wrong with that? with goldfish? what?!

i'll take care of it. oh, flo, i-i-i-i feel a migraine coming on. pill? [ gasps ] oh, lord, now i know i feel a migraine coming on. willona, willona... those pills look funny. ma, that ain't the only funny thing that's going on around here. you know sugarfoot? he's here with two of his girls. wait, wait, wait, wait a minute now. drugs, hustlers. now, jeffrey said these were his friends. where'd he grow up -- on death row? i don't know, but i'm gonna find out. will you move your foot?! jeffrey... hey, baby. jeffrey, what kind of party is this? i told you, baby, a coming-out party. coming out of what -- a straitjacket? jeffrey, there are people here who don't know who they are, let alone where they are. and that guy worm -- he's got enough drugs on him to turn on mt. rushmore. willona, willona, relax, baby. i can explain that. explain.

he doesn't want this to get out -- but i'm afraid he has a little allergy. what's he allergic to -- waking up straight? you see, baby, you're getting excited again. oh, i'm sorry if i'm getting excited, my darling, but i'm not used to being a hostess to a chain gang! baby, i can explain. don't explain nothing to me! you can't say nothing -- mama, can i tape some of the music now? baby, go play, okay? i don't know where you're coming from. baby, i -- i don't want to hear nothing you got to say, jeffrey. you brought the wrong kind of people into my house, especially around my daughter. wrong kind? what do you mean, "wrong kind"? these are normal, everyday people. yeah, if every day was halloween. you know what? you got exactly five minutes to get everybody out of here. police! freeze! hey, what's going on? now!

all right, hands on your heads. you know the position. charlie, look what the trash man left behind. no wonder the streets are so clean. looks like everything dirty is up here. check around, will you, mike? officer, i-i-i don't think you understand. i know, sweetcakes. you can explain everything. no, no, you've got it wrong. i'm employed. good. then let sugarfoot get you out. bookman: come on, man, i work here! look at my uniform! look at my calluses! where'd you find that? hiding under the bed. come on. i was working, man. i work here. i don't know these people. tell 'em, ms. woods, tell 'em. officer, he's fine. i don't know what's going on. this is all a big mistake. that's right, ms. woods, and the mistake seems to have been yours.

ms. gordon: penny. so it's you. thanks for the tip, ms. gordon. they're up here just like you said they'd be. wait, wait, wait, wait. wait a minute. i don't know any of these people. they're not my friends. they all came with jeff. right, jeff, honey? is that right, buddy? no, sir, it's not. they were here when i got here. oh, jeff! that's what i thought. everybody out. the party's over. i work here! tell 'em, ms. evans! let's go -- move! let's go, let's go, let's go. come on, come on. let's go, let's go. come on, now -- move! let's go. you set me up for this. you set the whole thing up, didn't you? willona, what's going on here? who is she? she's penny's natural mother, and she had the whole thing prearranged. but i thought --

i'll find out. willona: he's my neighbor. he's my neighbor. look, i'll be right back. michael! okay, you too. let's go. officer, wait, please. can i just have a few minutes with her? no way. you got to -- officer, i'm on the 17th floor. what do you think i'm gonna do -- fly out the window? it's okay. i'm gonna enjoy this. i'll be waiting outside. mama, what are you doing here? mama's come to take you home. what do you mean, "take her home"? she's already home. i'm not talking about this home. no, i'm talking about a brand-new home with a backyard and a swimming pool and a home where you'll have a mother and a father. father? that's right, ms. woods. i got married. of course, i didn't know at the time

ms. woods, do you know what it's like to have everything you could ever possibly dream of? no, i don't. well, neither did i. but there's still something missing, something even money can't buy. hey, just like that? just like that you're gonna just walk in here, i'm supposed to pack up my child's clothes, get her ready, and give away my daughter? she's not your daughter. she is, too, my daughter. mama? yes? what? penny, baby, come with mama. go in your room so i can do a little talking, okay? okay. now we can pick up where we left off. come on, that's all in the past. you know, i know you're not wrapped too tight. but you come in here, talking about "it's all in the past."

that little girl wakes up at night screaming, thinking about your abuse, your beatings, the bruises, the cuts, the burns with the hot iron. she ain't gonna forget it. you see, you remember it. i remember it. i only hope to god one day she can finally forget it. look, times change, people change. there's no need to bring up all that. "all that"?! what about all this? you come up here and set me up like i'm some kind of gangster. okay, okay, i'm sorry. that was unfortunate, but i needed insurance just in case you want to take this thing to court. well, behind you trying to frame me, you better believe we're taking it to court. i'll tell you something else, young lady, your plan ain't gonna work 'cause i got too many people to vouch for me -- people at my church, where i work, and this whole neighborhood. and i got two policemen, pictures, and a dozen witnesses that will swear you were throwing a wild party in the presence of a minor. you add that to an uptown lawyer and tell me who the judge is gonna believe. come on, ms. woods.

that depends. what woman is gonna talk to you? damn it, didn't you see the look in that kid's eyes? she wants to come home with me! it was those gifts i gave her -- that tape recorder and that $2,500 brass bed. now, what could you possibly give her to top that?! love. can you? huh? i'm here, ain't i? so is the garbage. it don't make no difference. okay, all right. you want to take this thing to court? let's take it to court. but nothing you say, nothing you do is gonna stand in the way of me getting penny back. you just try it. come on, jeff.

you were in the whole thing, huh? oh, yes. he was a very expensive part of the whole thing, and a mighty fine actor. an actor? bravo. that's right. i hired him. you know, it just proves to me that money can buy almost everything -- lies, deceit, deception. look, you get your little bit player and all your props and get out of here before i break your neck. you can't be serious. yes, i am. serious as suici-- penny? how long has this been on? it's been on since those people came to the party. rewind it. what do you think that's gonna prove? i don't know. maybe the truth. willona: what do you mean, "all that"?!

you come barging in here on me like i'm some kind of gangster. ms. gordon: okay, okay, i'm sorry. that was unfortunate, but i needed insurance just in case you want to take this thing to court. that's you on tape. p-penny, penny, give that to me. penny, give it to mama. penny -- penny, no, give it to me. penny, i said give it to me! i'll take it! hold it! now, you tell me all your violence is still in the past. go ahead. let's go, ms. gordon. [ sobs ]

bye, willona. well, i guess you better go out there and tell the police everything is cool in here. i don't think you want to go to court now, do you? no, i -- here. i don't want it. penny, baby, we need that for evidence. it doesn't matter. no matter what the court says, no matter what she says, no matter what anyone says, i'll always be with you, mom.

keeping your head above water making a wave when you can temporary layoffs good times anytime you need a payment good times anytime you need a friend good times

not getting hassled, not getting hustled keeping your head above water making a wave when you can temporary layoffs good times easy credit rip-offs good times scratching and surviving good times hanging in a chow line good times ain't we lucky we got 'em?