that is, of course, unless the horse is the famous mister ed boy, i'm fit to be tied. mule head. ah! [sighing] [grunting] imagine that! [grunts] the nerve of that editor. guys like him ought to be shot. i'm never gonna read his paper again. ed, what are you doing? look at that paper on the floor. read that editorial. humph.

no place for equine in today's world." hear what he called me? [chuckles] equine, uh, is just another name for horse. well, i have another name for that editor. jerk. don't get upset. the man is just trying to make a sociological point. yeah. some nerve. saying horses are useless. ed. it's vicious propaganda. a smear campaign. ed. i demand equal time. ed, the man is just stating a few facts. let's face it. th-the cars replaced the horse in the city. tractors replaced 'em in the country. no matter where you look, the horse is being replaced. yeah? and what does matt dillon ride on? a gopher? y-you're being a little too sensitive. come. well, sensitive. ed, just look at your room! aren't you ashamed of yourself?

you just calm down. how about some lunch? no way. i feel if i ate now, i'll get an ulcer. come on. eat some hay. i'm not eating a thing till you let me tell off that editor. ed. i'm on a hunger strike. if, uh, if you're on a hunger strike, why are you eating? you don't expect me to start one on an empty stomach. look, you clean this room up.

wilbur, i need your help. you know that beach property i bought some time ago? don't tell me. the tide came in. you want me to help you look for it. just like you. i need help, and you throw me an iron life preserver. i'm sorry. what can i do to help? well, a bunch of teenage beachcombers have set up camp on my property and refuse to budge. now, all day long they lie around playing records,

uh, what do you think i ought to do? join 'em. sounds like they're havin' a ball. i'm worried, wilbur. now, these young beatniks are destroying the value of my property. and the worst part is, my wife will not let me chase them off. and you want me to talk to her? i very rarely ask a favor of you, wilbur. all right, i'll talk to kay. now, fine. now put this on the basis of facts. you are an architect. you know the value of property. you can be very persuasive when you want. true. i don't have much luck with carol, but i do pretty well with other men's wives. what i mean-- i'm sure you've had a very exciting past, but tell me some other time. no. (carol) i think if we raise the hem about 2 inches, my dress would be in style again. don't you think so, kay? well, i don't know, sweetie. the way they keep raising and lowering the skirts these days, we might as well wear venetian blinds. [laughs] just tell her those beach lizards have no right squatting on my property. they're as good as unsquatted, right now. (kay) carol, this may be a little bit too short. but you're tiny. maybe you can get away with it. you'll see.

that's right. and i think... yes, what do you think, wilbur? i think that, um... i--i think, uh... i think that hem is much too high. oh, but wilbur, they're showing knees this year. they're also showing navel oranges. honey, don't be so old-fashioned. old-fashioned? i just don't like my wife parading her kneecaps in public. don't you think i'm right, rog'? wilbur, the beach. on the beach, it's all right to show your kneecaps. (kay) what a wonderful idea, carol. why don't we all go to the beach this sunday? oh, i'd love it! we could lie around in the sun and-- yeah! we could play records. we could build a bonfire. we could toast weenies. we could ride surfboards. what do you think, rog'? those words do have a familiar ring, don't they? [inaudible] uh, kay, uh, i was just talking to rog'. and, um, he was talking about those kids that are camping on your beach property. is this too high, wilbur? uh, hmm.

i've got to show a little knee. well, all right. but just up to the dimple. wilbur, you were telling kay about those beachcombers on my property. oh? oh, yeah! kay, i agree with rog'. those kids just don't belong-- that's just their trouble: people saying they don't belong. that's why those kids feel rejected. kay, why don't you listen to an impartial opinion? wilbur, what do you think? i think one of her knees is lower than the other. oh! it's just the way i'm standing. i'm through talking. it's time for action. i'll have them evicted by the police! [phone ringing] hello? oh, hello, buzz. uh, 2:00 will be fine. goodbye. [phone clicking] who was that? buzz dixon. one of those beach kids. he's coming by at 2:00 to ask you for a favor. favor? what favor?

maybe he wants to build some units on your beach property. wilbur... i know. go home. i'm gonna tell off that editor. hello, operator. get me smedley 3-4-0-0-0. i said, smedley. "s" as in seabiscuit, "m" as in man 0' war, "e" as in equipoise. oh! ed, who were you calling? that smart-aleck editor. ed, i told you to forget about that editorial. how would you like it if somebody told you there was no place for people in the world today? i'd become a horse. look, ed, stop worrying about the editorial. i'll get you some more hay. i told you, i'm on a hunger strike. come on, fella. take my advice. eat your lunch. forget the whole thing. i gotta mail a letter. can i get you some apples? well, maybe a few pounds.

we, uh, we've gotta keep up your strength up while you're on that hunger strike. yeah. that's-- that's right. that's right. wilbur, do you mind if i hide in your barn? kay and those "beachnik" kids are looking for me. oh, rog', look, if you're worried about selling that beach property, i think i may have a prospect for you. a prospect? don't get your hopes up. i spoke to a client of mine. he's building a house at the beach, and i recommended your property. wonderful! oh! and if you close the deal, i'll give you the customary 2 percent commission. uh, don't you mean, the customary 5 percent commission? well, it's 5 percent when you're dealing with strangers. but since we're friends, wilbur... just call me mr. post. now remember, you don't know where i am, mr. post. oh, wilbur, wilbur. my pal, wilbur. (kay) hi, wilbur. oh, addison. (kay) addison?

they're just darling. this is my husband, mr. addison. hi, daddy-o. how are you, sir? and our neighbor, mr. post. how do you do? mr. post. and this is buzz dixon, and zelma beasley. aren't you a little early for trick or treat? mmm-hmm. yeah, that's my husband. always making little jokes. the littlest jokes you ever heard. i gotta mail this letter. this is for you, mrs. addison. i painted it myself. oh, thank you, doll. oh, what a wonderful subject. why, it's, uh, uh, unique. uh, i know just the spot for it: over my fireplace. i know a better spot: in the fireplace. i'm a very busy man. what is it you came to see me about? well, mr. addison, we came to, like, ask a big favor. we'd like to put up some lean-tos, like, on your property, so we can make it like an art colony. fine.

oh, gee! we don't have that kind of money. man, we don't have any kind of money. addison, they're not harming our property in any way. that's right. we're not taking any sand, and the ocean is just where it always was. that happens to be a very exclusive piece of property. and no one is going to buy it if they find it overrun by a gang of waterlogged adolescents. there it is again. rejection, rejection, rejection. (buzz) cast out by a world we didn't make. you'll be cast out by the police if you don't get off my lot. (kay) addison, please. aren't you kids being a little overdramatic? i mean, having such a pessimistic attitude at such a young age? oh, we dig pessimism! we love it! would you want to, like, hear a poem zelma wrote? i think i can, like, resist the temptation. uh, we'd love to hear it, sweetie. if you'll excuse me. (zelma) i call it: "rejected, "neglected,

(buzz) oh, it's a gasser. "a nothing, a zero, "a hole in the cheese. "the scene can't be made when you're in the deep freeze. "rejected, neglected, "befuddled, bemuddled. "the moment is wild, "we're blown off our course. "that's why our youth feels extinct like the horse." (buzz) do you dig it, pops? i'd rather bury it. you take my advice, and vacate my property by midnight tonight. gee! we're holding our first exhibit tomorrow. we sent out a lot of post cards. do you think you could talk mr. addison into letting us stay a few more days? oh, i'll try. i've talked him into letting me stay 20 years. but you're not sure, huh? i'm afraid i couldn't promise you anything. the story of our life: rejection, rejection, rejection. there's no place for us kids today. oh, dear. come on, kids.

ed, what's going on here? just call me ed, the beachcomber. what started all this? those kids that were here yesterday? yep, we're birds of a feather: "rejected, "neglected, "befuddled, bemuddled." what do you know? a beatnik horse. what, uh, got you started on this painting kick anyway? it's therapy to relieve my depression. hmm. well, let's, uh, have a look here, huh? yeah, it's, uh, it's depressing, all right. what's it supposed to be? i'm calling it the horseless headman. a "horseless headman"? that's right. the whole world is gonna be horseless soon. look, i keep telling you that's just an editorial. ed, there'll be a place in this world for horses

i'm real down. beat, like, depressed. "neglected, "rejected, befuddled, bemuddled." boy! i can see you need little bit of cheering up, ed. come on. let's just put these things away, i'll take you for a nice ride in the park. fresh air will do ya a world of good. what do you say, ed? poem: "ode to life." "life is a feedbag without any oats, "a stable as empty and bare. "i search for the hay in an empty corral, but how can i find what's not there?" henry horseworth longfellow. ed, i can tell by your attitude you're in no mood for a ride. so i'll come back when you're feeling better. that's right. reject me. i am not rejecting you. uh, holler but, like, don't hit. i'm, like, not hollerin'! i just expect you to act like a normal, human horse.

i don't have to stay where i'm not wanted. i belong with the outcasts. where's my hat? [waves washing on the beach] hey, thanks a lot. yeah. thanks, pal. hey! where did he come from? (man) i don't know. but he sure looks, like, way out. what's the matter, fella? are you lost? i'd love to get him on canvas. he'd make a great subject.

man, he's crazy! say, man, i think that horse reads us. boy! you said it, daddy-o! (kay) put it back, addison. kay, you know this is a monstrosity. oh, no, it isn't. it's a form of art. so is a shrunken head. but not in my living room. uh, would you rather have my mother's picture back there? i'd rather have a shrunken head. hey! where did you get my old ukulele? oh, i found it up in the attic when i went up to get that picture frame. yeah? remember the last time you played it? the last-- [laughs]

boy! i know i was just a kid. we were both kids. [grunts] you used to play it at the beach, remember? mmm-hmm. [strumming] oh, those were the days. you used to call me "legs mccarthy." hmm. remember how we used to sit around the campfire? our whole gang trying to solve the world's problems? we couldn't even solve our own. your father wanted you to be a doctor. and you wanted-- what did you want to be, doll? nothing. i just wanted to lie around the beach and rub your back. know what you were, angel? just a teenage rebel. rebel? i was the whole confederate army. i guess every generation of kids feels rebellious and misunderstood. yeah, i guess so.

you're pretty foxy, aren't you?. all right. until i sell the property, the kids can stay. oh, thank you, doll. you're just a big, fluffy, old honey bunny. yeah. guess that's what i am, aren't i? kay, remember this? [doorbell ringing] i'll get it, legs. wilbur, my boy! come in. come in, boy! kay and i were just recalling some of the old songs. would you like to sing with us? no, thanks, mitch. rog'? actually, i--i don't feel much like singing, 'cause, see i just got some bad news on a business deal. forget about business, wilbur. it's only money. what could be so important? well, the client i had for your beach property just backed out of the deal. i'll kill myself! roger, wait a minute. like you said, it's only money. only money? what do you think i live for? why did he back out, wilbur?

see, now they've made the place a hangout, he figures they may keep coming back. i'm going down and drive those parasites off my property, lock, stock and sunglasses! relax, rog'. why don't we sing some more of the old songs? out of my way, legs! all right, young man. oh, hi, mr. addison. uh, hey! here's the owner of this property. get a shot of him. never mind that. hello, sir. i'm with the valley globe. are you the owner of this property? that's right. sir, you should be proud of yourself. you know, the kids here would be right back out on the streets if it weren't for people like you. how do you spell your name, sir? roger addison. a-d-d-i-s-o-n. a-d-d-i-s-o-n. got it. now, mr. addison, have you always been interested in youth work? youth-- oh! oh, yes, indeed, i have. yes, indeed. the welfare of our teenagers has always been a very deep concern of mine. that is why i have dedicated myself to making them feel wanted, needed, appreciated. you're not writing.

that our youth needs love and understanding. these boys and girls have been neglected much too long. rejected much too long, befuddled much too long. you've been out in the sun much too long. come on, rog'. i'll take ya home. wilbur, please, i'm talking to the press. can't you see? now... to help them overcome this feeling of rejection, i try to give them a feeling of accomplishment by encouraging their art endeavors. as a matter of fact, i, uh, have one of their paintings hanging over my fireplace. replacing a portrait of my beloved mother-in-law. hey, that's pretty good. that fruit looks almost good enough to eat. that isn't a fruit, man. that's a horse. a horse? yeah. a palomino. uh, with--with big dark glasses and a floppy straw hat? yeah, man. how'd you guess? oh! well, if i were a horse,

which way did he go? over there someplace. thank you very much. a kook. ed, what are you doing out here? i don't like you running away from home. why did you do it? i'm extinct, wilbur. useless. ed, remember this: anyone who is loved is never useless. well, then you really love me, huh? well, of course i... ed, you're like my own kid. [chuckling] then take me home, daddy. let's go.

you're late for work. you grab your 10-gallon jug of coffee, and back out of the garage.

with your wife watching. she forgives you... eventually. your insurance company, not so much. they say you only have their basic policy. don't basic policies cover basic accidents? of course, they say... as long as you pay extra for it. with a liberty mutual base policy, new car replacement comes standard. and for drivers with accident forgiveness, liberty mutual won't raise your rates due to your first accident. learn more by calling at liberty mutual, every policy is personal, with coverage and deductibles, customized just for you. which is why we don't offer any off-the-shelf policies. switch to liberty mutual and you could save up to $509. call liberty mutual for a free quote today at see car insurance in a whole new light.

boy! just look at all this sand. hold still. i want to get the dirt off your coat aw, forget it, wilbur. let's send it to the cleaners. you're in a pretty good mood now, aren't you? [chuckling] yeah. i'm glad you got over that rejection business. yeah. i'd look pretty silly lying on a psychiatrist's couch. ed, i want you to promise me that you won't run away from home again. yeah. uh, you wanna hear a little poem i just made up? ok. [clearing throat] "life is a feedbag, "overflowing with oats. "a bag that should never be shut. "and a horse that would leave "a sweet guy like you must be some kind of a nut."

and jane wyatt. with elinor donahue, billy gray, and lauren chapin in "father knows best". - [margaret] hey. - [jim] hi, honey. what do they make lipstick out of nowadays? lead and linseed oil? - not on me, bud's painting his car. - hi, dad! i've got a little deal i'd like to talk over with ya. - [margaret] well not in that chair, bud! - bud, why don't you use a spray gun to paint your car instead of dobbing it on with your shirt and jeans? - [bud] who can afford a spray gun with my pitiful, measly, little allowance? i can't even afford a -- - bud? - oh, too late. (laughing) - [bud] i'm sorry, mom, gosh. - [margaret] just leave it. - [bud] but it's not my fault, it's dad's! - my fault? - yeah, if i had a bigger allowance, i could put my car in a paint shop and then i wouldn't get paint on my hands, and then i wouldn't dirty mom's refrigerator.