and jane wyatt. with elinor donahue, billy gray, and lauren chapin in "father knows best". - [margaret] hey. - [jim] hi, honey. what do they make lipstick out of nowadays? lead and linseed oil? - not on me, bud's painting his car. - hi, dad! i've got a little deal i'd like to talk over with ya. - [margaret] well not in that chair, bud! - bud, why don't you use a spray gun to paint your car instead of dobbing it on with your shirt and jeans? - [bud] who can afford a spray gun with my pitiful, measly, little allowance? i can't even afford a -- - bud? - oh, too late. (laughing) - [bud] i'm sorry, mom, gosh. - [margaret] just leave it. - [bud] but it's not my fault, it's dad's! - my fault? - yeah, if i had a bigger allowance, i could put my car in a paint shop and then i wouldn't get paint on my hands, and then i wouldn't dirty mom's refrigerator.

for getting extra money. - yeah? - [jim] get an extra job. - well, that's no so easy. - eh - say, how about giving me a part-time job in your office? i'll be coming in with you, anyway, when i get out of college and i'd be a terrific insurance salesman. - bud, if that's what you want, there's nothing i'd like better than to put "james anderson and son" on the door. - hey, i'm a partner! - but i think you should start with somebody else. - well, you got hired and fired in a hurry. (phone ringing) - hello? oh, yes, arthur! - jim? well, i finally worked out some new figures on the renewals you were so anxious about. uh-huh. thought you'd like to know they're quite a bit lower. ought to cinch the business. - oh, nice going arthur, but don't stay around all night getting out the paperwork. go on home, relax. goodbye. - well how is mr. higgins? - fine. he doesn't know it, yet, but i'm

i had a memo from the home office reminding me that he reaches retirement age tomorrow. - you're going to retire mr. higgins? - [bud] well you can't do that, dad! uncle arthur is too important to the business, all the statistics coming out of his ears at the drop of a hat. the joint will fall apart. - you don't have to sell me, i know how valuable he is. - well your certainly not going to pay any attention to the home office. - yeah, tell them to go jump in a lake. - afraid i don't have much choice, it's company policy. - when do you have to tell him? - i've been putting it off, but he'll be 65 tomorrow. - 65, is uncle arthur that old? - [jim] look, let's invite him out here for a birthday dinner. he's always been fond of our family and it'll help take the sting out of it if i tell him here at home. the office is such a cold, impersonal place - that's a wonderful idea! and i'll make him a big birthday cake as a surprise. - yeah, that's some surprise. "happy birthday and goodbye."

- miss thomas, i just can't call him in the office and say "you're retired." so we thought a birthday dinner would be a good way to ease into the subject. is he in his office? - isn't he always in his office? i think it's just terrible. retire mr. higgins, indeed. why he hasn't missed a day at the office in 15 years. - i know, he's a bear for work. alert as a radar screen, always on the ball. but, there comes a time in every man's life. arthur. arthur?

well, caught me napping, didn't you? oh, bless my soul, asleep at the switch. - well, maybe you're not as young as you used to be. the years crawl up, you know, arthur? - yeah, what years? i just worked a little too late on these rate changes, that's all. - now you better stop burning the midnight oil. you can't take it the next day. - nonsense, i'm as frisky as a pup. i feel as young as that television fellow who claims he's just 39? eh, thank you. - yeah. - oh, sit down, please. - thank you. - well.. well, now, what can i do for you? - well, if you're free this evening, my family and i would like to have you come to dinner. - oh, say, i'd be delighted. good of you to ask me. yeah, it's been months since i've seen margaret and the children. - welp, see you tonight about eight. - i can't wait that long, jim.

- it'd be wonderful if uncle arthur were ready for it, but he isn't. well, it's like, pushing him out in a nice way and saying "you aren't needed anymore." - betty, this isn't my idea. i don't know how i'm going to get along without arthur higgins, but it's a company directive. even the president has to step down at the age of 65.

what right does is anyone to tell a vigorous, healthy man that, suddenly, on a certain day, he becomes useless and his productivity must cease. - well now wait a minute, i agree with you whole-heartedly. maybe he'll enjoy a chance to relax. (arguing) now, wait, i haven't told you this, but when i went into his office this morning, i found arthur sound asleep. at 9:30 in the morning. now what does that suggest to you? - well maybe he was out the night before kicking up his heels. - yeah. - the truth of the matter is, maybe the years are beginning to push him around a bit. - [margaret] oh, now, dear. - now whether we like it or not, i've got to tell him the bad news tonight. - oh, i just can't get over it. to me, he doesn't seem any older than you, dad. (laughing) (doorbell rings) - hi, am i late? - oh, no, you're right on the nose, arthur. - come on in - [arthur] thank you. - margaret! - well, mr. higgins.

and here's some roses for you. - [margaret] well, that's sweet of you. - but, of course, you put them to shame. - it's wonderful having you with us. - thank you, my dear. you couldn't have a more grateful guest. - [margaret] come on. - [jim] hey kids, uncle arthur is here. - dinner will be ready in the other room. - oh, thank you, thank you. (excited chatter) - [arthur] hello, betty. - [kathy] arthur! - [arthur] hello, bud, good to see you. - [kathy] hi, how are you? - [arthur] oh, my, my. my favorite family, how good to see you all again. - we've been looking forward to seeing you, too, uncle arthur. - [arthur] oh have you, really? oh, oh, by the way, kids, i brought you a little something i hope you might enjoy. now where, oh here it is, here it is, here we are. - [kathy] a record album! - oh, you shouldn't have done that, uncle arthur. - [arthur] oh, no, no. oh, and i'll go tell you, it's got a solid beat. (upbeat music plays) kathy, may i have the pleasure? - you may. - go, old man! (laughing) - whoa oh! oh, i like this one.

- you've had him long enough, little sister. - alright. jim, you haven't seemed your light and gay self this evening, something on your mind? - as a matter of fact, the home office sent me a memo -- happy birthday to you oh, here we are! happy birthday to you happy birthday, dear arthur happy birthday to you! - come on, give us a speech. - speech! - speech, speech! - i don't know what to say. i came over here just expecting a free dinner and this comes as a complete surprise. i've sort of ignored birthdays. - come on, uncle arthur, blow out the candles.

- make a wish? of course, a wish. well, i wish i could always be as happy and feel as young as i do tonight. (laughing) - took a bit of puffing, arthur, but you made it. - well, i guess i'm not in training for this sort of thing. - here. - oh, oh margaret, it's such a lovely cake. i hate to hack it up, why don't you do the honors? - oh, well anything you say! - alright. i don't when i've had a more wonderful evening. - [jim] oh good, arthur. - [kathy] daddy, when can we give uncle arthur his presents? - oh, now don't tell me you've got birthday presents on top of all this? - well, they're not exactly birthday presents. they're more things you can use after you -- - oh, what kathy means is the things you'll get a kick out of using every day.

- come on, i'll show you. bud, give me a hand, will you? - okay. - oh, open it, you help me, will you kathy? open it up. - [kathy] okay. - now let me see. this is beautiful. but there's no reason for you to do all of this for me. - well, we feel you've earned some rest and relaxation. and this will help you enjoy it! - well i'm not ready for a real vacation, yet, but i will take a day off soon and bud and i can go up to my cabin on the lake where the fish are just waiting, huh? how about it, bud? - that sounds great, you got a deal! - well you don't have to wait for a day off, arthur. you see, i... all of us, feel that you deserve... - well, i hope you'll forgive me, but this is overwhelming.

i have the best of all families: you. - we want you to feel that you'll always be a part of us. - thank you, jim. for a man of my age, there's nothing more reassuring and comforting as knowing that he is loved and needed and wanted. here i am carrying on like a sentimental old fool! i'm sorry, jim, that i interrupted with my morbid outburst. you were saying something about

- do we have to talk shop, arthur? let's get back to our cake!

- jim, aren't you going to take time to eat your breakfast? - no, i'm not hungry, honey. i want to get on to the office early and talk to arthur. we got involved last night in emotions, but now it's business. - well isn't there some other way out? - yeah, can't you let the home office tell him he's being let out? - yeah, do you have to be the villain? - it's my responsibility. maybe last night wasn't such a good idea. but if arthur has to hear it, it'll be easier if he hears it from me. - bye, dear. - i don't see how you can be that mean to uncle arthur! - don't look at me, i've got orders to place him on retirement and i have to tell him this morning. what do you want me to do, resign from the company and protest?

(laughing) - 19, 31, 33. - good morning, mr. higgins. - good morning, miss thomas. mr. anderson in yet? - no, not yet, mr. higgins. - that was quite a surprise party last night. and you should see the wonderful fishing gear i got. and what a dinner! with the most tremendous, luscious, yummy, candle-lit cake. i tell you, miss thomas, it hit me here. as well as here. (laughing) - oh, sounds wonderful. well how does it feel to look forward to plenty of leisure with no time clock to punch? nothing to do but fish. - what did you say? - of course, i don't know the first thing about fishing. but they say that these lures are guaranteed to get the catch limit, whatever that means.

- probably should have let mr. anderson present it at your retirement dinner last night. - my retirement wasn't mentioned, miss thomas. - it wasn't? - it was a wonderful evening. - oh, i'm terribly sorry, mr. higgins, i thought you knew. you see, mr. anderson was supposed to bring it up last night. it was a directive from the home office. - i see. well, of course i knew it had to happen sometime,

thank you, miss thomas. - i checked again with his landlady, he hasn't been there. - he hasn't been at the executive's club. when he doesn't turn up there, something's terribly wrong. - he left without a word. he seemed almost numb from shock. oh, it was terrible, mr. anderson, but i had no idea he hadn't been told. - well, that was my fault. where do you suppose he could be? (phone rings) - [margaret] hello bud. - hi, mom. - hello? oh yes, dear.

well, at least that will relieve you of painful duty. - oh, i'm sure he understands how you feel and you'll just have to explain to him -- - but i can't find him! he's checked out at mrs. tyson's and i've called every place in town i know. - [margaret] you mean mr. higgins is just completely disappeared? - what, uncle arthur is missing? - [margaret] he's given up his room! well, all right, jim, let me know if you hear anything. goodbye, dear. well where are you going, bud? - [bud] i gotta find uncle arthur! - but, bud, now wait a minute! (knock on door) - [arthur] bud! - hi, uncle arthur! - wait a minute, boy, what are you doing here? - well, i just had an idea you'd be here. and i got lost trying to find the place.

you'd bring up here fishing, remember? - well, to tell you the truth, bud, i'm beginning to hate fishing. you know, when that's all a man has to look forward to, it sort of takes the joy out of it. - [bud] yeah. - sit down, bud. can i get you a glass of water or something? - thank you. uncle arthur, i... i'm real sorry about what happened and so is dad. - well i know jim is only doing what he had to do. but when you're suddenly regarded as a useless old man... it hurts. - oh, come on, uncle arthur. you know, you'll be going strong when you hit 100. - i thought so, too. but what good is it if you can't sell the idea to anybody else? you know, bud, a man is like a piece of machinery.

and, by henry, i resent getting rusty. - [bud] do you have to? is dad's office the only place in the world to work? - no, no, you don't understand it. if jim can't use me, i don't think anyone else would. - well, you were doing a full day's work yesterday, weren't you? - i thought i was. - well, all right, then you mean to tell me that just one day later you're useless, all warshed up? - i'm nothing of the sort! but its been decided that i'm too old, so nobody will give me a job excepting through a feeling of charity, perhaps. - maybe, but... gosh, i just can't see ya coming way out here and then holing up like a hermit.

but i think you're... i think you came out here just to hide. you're just running away. but you don't have to! you're only 24 hours older than you were yesterday. a man with your experience and knowledge, there must be 100 things you could do, if you just try. gosh, i... i never figured on you being a quitter. - that'll do, bud. i think you better start for home now, bud.

-alright, goodbye. you do all this research on a perfect car then smash it into a tree. your insurance company raises your rates.

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- jim, i'm just as worried about bud. try some of his friends again. - well, margaret, we know they must be together. wherever they are. - well... wouldn't it be wise to call the police or the missing person's bureau? - hi. - where in the world have you two been? - now bud, you had us terribly worried. - now it wasn't his fault. he was just out looking for an old man who got lost. - well, you're here now, that's what counts. arthur... i...

i want you to come back and work as a consultant. - as usual, you're wonderful. i owe you an apology for running away, as i did. but i had a pretty close call this morning, suddenly realizing that my life was over. i tell you, the future looked mighty gloomy. but bud changed my thinking for me. now, i can't accept your offer. because i have made up my mind that nobody can decide my life for me and i'll tell myself when to go fishing. you see, jim, i'm opening my own office. - right in your own building, dad, on the ground floor, so that you can catch the prospects on the way up. - i think that's wonderful, mr. higgins! - now wait a minute, arthur, you can't do this to me! - oh, you haven't heard the real threat.

well... next saturday, he's going to have a desk in mine. - you see, jim, you just a good junior partner get away. - well, he couldn't start with a better man. - but we can still do business, dad. as soon as uncle arthur and i get going, i'd like to go over your insurance program with you. - [arthur] good idea. jim, do you think you have sufficient protection against -- - hold it! i'm protected against everything. except a guy who won't retire. (clapping)

and jane wyatt. with elinor donahue, billy gray and lauren chapin. in father knows best. - [betty] yes, i know how you feel about young girls wearing fur. but i'm not a young girl anymore. i'm practically middle-aged. - [jim] oh, no doubt about that. but you know money doesn't... - i know, grow on trees. all i'm talking about is some little, old rag to wear around my neck. i wouldn't care if it was rabbit or caterpillar fur, even. of course, a man in your position wouldn't want his daughter going around in anything as cheap as that. (audience laughs) the point is i'm the only girl i know that doesn't have some kind of a fur. - well, i'll be darned. - well -- - margaret! - well, what's the matter? - well, this is the oddest letter i've ever seen. - well, what does it say? - margaret! - who's it from?

and i want you to hear this. in fact, i want all of you to hear it. it concerns one of us, but i don't know which one. i have a letter here from st. louis, addressed to one of the andersons. - [bud] which one? - i don't know. that's all it says. one of the andersons, see? - [bud] yeah? - the address is equally vague, 600 block on maple. - well, who's it from? - oh, i'm coming to that. "please excuse me for addressing you this way. "but i do not know your first name or your house number. "i remember maple street because i lived "for a short time in the same block. "you are probably surprised at the enclosed check." - check? - there's a certified check here for 500 dollars. - 500? - five, you're kidding. - made out to anderson. there's a space left to fill in the first name. - well, let me see that. - well, now, hold your horses. (audience laughs)

"as a token of gratitude, small indeed, "of the great kindness you showed me." - kindness? - [jim] "i have never forgotten it until recently." i've never forgotten it. "until recently, i was not able to repay you. "but now, i have a small janitorial "service, which has prospered. "so now, i wish to balance up the accounts of my life." oh, i guess that's a period. "the accounts of my life, hoping "you will remember me kindly. "i am sincerely mr. b kroegman." - kroegman? - well, speak up, who did it? who's the silent samaritan? here's 500 dollars for you. all you have to do is fill in your first name. - i'll take it. but who is this kroegman guy? - i never heard of him. - wait, wait, i know!

he was janitor the grade school for a short while. - oh, yeah, i remember him. - [betty] he rented that small apartment over the hartleys' garage, kept pretty much to himself. - [bud] sure, the janitor! well, he's an old buddy of mine. - [betty] buddy? a minute ago, you didn't even know who he was. - you know, that could be my first stole. let me see that check. (all talking at once) - [jim] whoa, wait a minute. we've gotta find out who this belongs to first. now, whoever did this kindness, don't be so modest. speak up! - oh, now, what did i do for him? save his life, help him across the street? - i bet it was you, daddy. maybe you loaned him some money. - loaned him money? no, i don't remember it. and if he hadn't paid it back, i'd remember it. (audience laughing) no, i spoke to him occasionally.

but that's no great kindness. - i remember i gave him a glass of lemonade once when he brought back the lawnmower he borrowed. oh, well, that's nothing. - hey, it may be there's some pages missing from the letter. - i don't think so. the check fell on the floor, but i picked that up. - well, i think it was a dirty trick not telling us what we did. - maybe he has the wrong family. - [betty and bud] oh, no. - [bud] it's gotta be the right family. we're the only andersons on maple. - why don't we write him a letter and ask him what the good deed was? - oh, don't be a fool! we can't take a chance like that. - [betty] a chance? - [bud] sure, look. we don't know what it is ourselves. he'll know he has the wrong family. (audience laughs) i mean, i don't mean to say that we're the wrong family. (audience laughs) i mean, for 500 dollars, i'm sure we can think of something. (audience laughs) think, everybody, think!

- [bud] oh, i wish i could remember you both have a perfect driving record. >>perfect. no tickets. no accidents... >>that is until one of you clips a food truck, ruining your perfect record. >>yup... now, you would think your insurance company would cut you some slack, right? >>no. your insurance rates go through the roof. your perfect record doesn't get you anything. >>anything. perfect! for drivers with accident forgiveness, liberty mutual won't raise your rates due to your first accident. and if you do have an accident, our claim centers are available to assist you 24/7. for a free quote, call liberty mutual at switch to liberty mutual and you could save up to $509 call today at see car insurance in a whole new light.

what it is i did for kroegman. 'cause i could sure use that dough. - [betty] what makes you so sure it was you? - [bud] well, i'm naturally kind and -- - [kathy] i've got it, i've got it! - kroegman? - i remember something i did for him. i gave him some chewing gum. - chewing gum? (audience laughs) that's a kindness? - well, he was very grateful.

- well, he was. i can still see his face. it happened last year. - [betty] last year? well, he moved away at least three years ago. didn't he, mother? - i can't remember when he moved away. - hi, kroegman. - maybe i don't remember when this happened. but i know it happened. it was at school. i remember i was sent to the principal's office for chewing gum in class. but the secretary said i'd have (harp music) to wait to see the principal, because he was so busy. - [kathy] so then i looked around and saw mr. kroegman sitting there. so i decided to go over and sit beside him. - [bud] probably that was the only place in the room to sit. - [kathy] oh, no, i did it to be nice because i'm naturally kind. - [bud] oh, oh, sure. - [kathy] and i'm sure he was very glad to see me because i'm so sweet. - [bud] yeah, like dill pickles. - [kathy] and then we talked. - [bud] what about?

i think i told him that i was in trouble. but when you're in trouble, you just have to make the best of it and have faith everything will come out all right. then i remembered i had a stick of that gum left. and i gave it to him, and, oh, he was grateful. so very grateful. (harp music) the most grateful man i ever saw. (audience laughs) - [jim] well, kitten, i'm afraid you've let your imagination run away with you. i doubt if he was as grateful as you're trying to make out. - [kathy] well, he was. - oh, sure. well, you know that's what he always wanted all his life, a stick of gum. - too bad, kathy, it was a good try. (audience chuckles) - well, i guess it wasn't much after all, was it? - well, i'm afraid not, kitten. but i wish somebody would hurry up and recall our good deed. i did nothing at the office today but think about this silly thing. - call 500 bucks silly? (audience laughs)

(egg splats on ground) (audience laughs) (upbeat music) that's it. mother, mother, come here! i think i've got it! the kindness that i did for mr. kroegman. - [margaret] you have? well, what was it? - oh, don't worry about the egg. i'll buy you a whole barrel of eggs with my 500 dollars. in fact, it was the egg that reminded me of it. you see, bud and i were coming home from school the other day, oh! - [jim] i found out one piece of news today about mr. kroegman. - [betty] oh, father, don't interrupt me now. i just remembered the good deed mr. kroegman was talking about. - [jim] oh, really? - yes, now, listen. bud and i were walking along on our way home. (harp music) - [betty] and we saw mr. kroegman walking in front of us carrying a bag of groceries. he turned into the driveway leading to his garage apartment. and he stepped on a marble or something. and his feet flew out from under him. naturally, i ran to help the poor, dear man. (kroegman grunting)

- oh, no, i think i'm all right. you are very kind. - [betty] look at your eggs, smashed. i'll run to the store and get you some more. - you are much too kind. i'll pick them up. - [betty] no, no, no, i'll do it. now, you mustn't strain yourself. you may be injured. (fast-paced music and audience laughing) bud, don't just stand there! help! - yeah, yeah. (audience laughing) - [betty] here, carry this bag to mr. kroegman's place. at least you can do that. take it easy, oh. now, after i make sure you're all right,

- young lady, i will never forget you for this. (harp music) - you sure he said those exact words, betty? - well, it's been a few years, so i don't remember exactly. but i'm quite sure that's what he said. - probably what actually happened, was he dropped one can of salmon, and you picked it up. - no, really, father, he was so grateful. - [jim] even so, betty, that's an act hardly worthy of a 500-dollar reward. - [betty] well, he evidently thought it was. i'm going to read his letter again, see if this fits in. - [bud] hey, i thoughtht about the good deed! it came to me while i was sitting in school today. - [betty] you're too late. i've already thought of it. the 500 dollars is mine! - is that true? - no, it isn't. it was just a small incident, which i'm sure she exaggerated. - oh, well, then listen. this is no exaggeration.

and i were walking along the street. and we saw mr. kroegman coming home with two sacks of groceries.

and you know how i am, always ready to help my fellow man. (audience laughs) - oh, my back! - don't try and get up, old fellow. i'll help you. i'll take care of everything. i'll carry you into the house. - you mustn't try that, boy. you will hurt yourself. - oh, it doesn't matter about me. you're all that matters now. - [bud] betty, don't just stand there! do something about these groceries. - what shall i do? - oh, never mind. i'll take care of it later. - [bud] just lean on me, sir. yeah, just lean on me. i'll get you into your rooms, and then i'll call a doctor. - son, it's a great kindness you're showing me.

- oh, i don't want any reward. i just want to see that you're taken care of. (audience laughs) (harp music) - [bud] well, that's it. what do you think? - very benevolent, bud, but i'm sorry to tell you, that's the same incident betty just told us. only her version was quite different. - you two better get together and straighten out a few details. - you mean she stole my... betty, i want to talk to you! - tell her not to forget the cake. - isn't that amazing? i know neither one of them was deliberately lying. but, boy, what tricks your memory can play on you. (audience laughs) - especially when it's being spurred on by wishful imagination. - well, you can make yourself believe almost anything you want to. today, at the office, i was making kroegman imaginary premium loans on policies he never had. (audience laughs) - you should hear some of my thoughts.

made an appeal for a school cafeteria. he said he'd looked into the children's lunchboxes and didn't think their lunches were adequate. - [margaret] well, i stood up and mumbled i agree. but all day i've been imagining that i leapt to my feet and made a strong, eloquent speech backing him up. - speaking of those lunchboxes, here's what i started to tell you when i came home this evening. i found out from ed benson today, he was a member of the school board then, you know. i found out why kroegman left that janitor job and probably why he left town. - oh? - he was fired for stealing. - for stealing? - a boy had some money in his lunchbox. he saw kroegman take it. - oh, no. well, i never heard that, and i was a pta officer. - ed said they kept it quiet. didn't figure the scandal would do anyone any good.

well, now, would a man concerned about children getting proper lunches do a thing like that? - i don't know. nothing fits together. it just gets more mixed up all the time. - [jim] the worst of it is this mystery's beginning to dominate our whole lives. maybe it's time to call a halt to the whole thing. - [kathy] daddy, i thought of another wonderful good deed i did to mr. -- - oh, now, kitten, i'm in no mood for anymore fairy tales. - [kathy] it's not a fairy tale. - [bud] say, dad, you know what she told you about the way it happened with me and -- - [betty] now, just a minute, bud. (betty and bud talking at once) - now, hold it, hold it, hold it. i don't want to hear anymore of this. - huh? - [jim] i don't like what this is doing to us. i don't know what kind of a person mr. kroegman is. and i'm beginning to wonder what kind of people we are. here we are, all trying to make ourselves out to be great, virtuous heroes. and what for?

- a little? - [jim] is that why good deeds are done? even if we did some kindness, and it's beginning to look a little doubtful that we ever did. should we be paid for it? kindness is no more than common courtesy. that's the least that should be expected of us. i say let's send the money back. - [children] no. - [betty] he sent it to us. it was his idea. - i know that, but -- - [bud] he might feel bad if we send it back. - yeah, you know what they say about gift-horses. (audience laughs) - all right, okay. but i want to settle now, so we can forget it and go back to being ourselves. now, each one of you thinks that he's done some kindness for mr. kroegman. okay, i want you to write that down. tell why you honestly think that you deserve the reward. i'll give you an hour. we'll meet in there.

and the winner will be allowed to write his name in on the check. agreed? - okay. - okay, then that's it. (upbeat music) - okay, time's up! - margaret, will you come in the living room? this is it. betty, bud, kathy, come on. - [kathy] wait, i'm not done yet. - well, anyone not done obviously hasn't anything to say. (audience laughs) come on, everyone, gather 'round. no more time. - [jim] now, who wants to read first? - [betty] not me. - [jim] okay, i'll start if off then. i, jim anderson, relinquish all claim to the check, having done absolutely nothing to merit the reward. and my recommendation stands that we send this check back.

okay, who's next? betty? - here's all i have. (audience laughs) a blank sheet of paper. well, every time i tried to write something, i felt pretty ashamed of myself. - [betty] i didn't do anything worthy. so as much as i hate to see that lovely, tempting money go, i'm afraid i'm gonna have to string along with father. - okay. bud? - well, i wrote several pages here telling what a lovable, sacrificing, kindhearted old soul i am. - [bud] and then i read it over. boy, the truth never took a beating like this before. (paper rips) so i was going to suggest dividing the money.

i'm afraid i'd feel guilty even taking a dime of it. and for old money-mad me, that's going some. (audience laughs) - attention people with hearing loss. what i'm about to tell you could change your life. does your hearing loss have you feeling left out? are you finding it harder to hear the tv or telephone? are you afraid you might not hear an alarm or intruder? if left untreated, your hearing loss can get significantly worse. a recent johns hopkins study showed that hearing loss can lead to more serious issues, including dementia. it's time to call hearusa and get a complete hearing checkup -absolutely free. and, aarp members receive expert advice and can purchase digital hearing aids as low as $795 each. i sure wish i hadn't waited so long. i hear so clearly now. i'm back to myself again. if you call hearusa now you'll even get a risk-free 90-day trial,backed by a 100% satisfaction guarantee.

- well, i gave up once, but then i wrote this. - [kathy] i know i'm not the one. but if we keep the money, i think it should go to mother. because she does a lot of nice things for people. and she's the kind who wouldn't remember it. (margaret chuckles) - well, thank you, angel, but i'm afraid i'm not the one either. here's mine.

i think we should accept the money. - what? - accept? - [margaret] but not for our sakes, but mr. kroegman's. (doorbell rings) - [jim] keep going. - this evidently means a great deal to him or he wouldn't have done it. i'm sure he's receiving some kind of joy from doing this. and i don't think we should rob him of that. however, inasmuch as none of us feels he deserves this, we should give it to some person -- - hold everything! special delivery letter, and guess who it's from! (all talking at once) yes, it is from kroegman. listen. "somehow, i misplaced some of the pages of my letter to you. "here they are; please forgive me." - so there were missing pages. - read 'em, read 'em. - ah, let's see. - hurry up and read it! - hurry, jim, go on! "so now, i wish to balance up "the accounts of my life as best i can.

well, (laughing) huh. - [jim] "and have probably forgotten the incident. "you may not remember it at all. "it happened when i was fired at the school on the false accusation of a boy who claimed "i took money from his lunchbox. "his mother wrote me recently that he "had confessed his falsehood and that steps "are being taken to clear my name. "but that does not alter the humiliation "i suffered on that dark day. "i remember sitting in the office that day "waiting for my final paycheck." "i sat alone, disillusioned, bitter, shunned by everyone. "then you came and sat beside me. "you talked to me, you smiled at me. "you said when we're in trouble, we have to have faith. "things would come out right.

"but to me, it was a symbol of friendship. "you will never know what it meant to me "at that moment of my life to have a friend." (harp music) "i think of you often. "the image of your face somehow helped me "keep going those next difficult years. "god bless you." (slow music) - i didn't know i did all that. - well, you did. and now we know. now, it looks like this belongs to you. - boy, i'm gonna buy dresses, a whole bunch,

(audience laughs) i really didn't do anything. he just thinks i did. - okay, then, start doing things to deserve it. put it in the bank for now. and then try living up to the image mr. kroegman has of you. that'll be the best return he could possibly get on his investment. - and write him a letter telling what you're gonna do. - oh, i will, and i'll do it right now, too. (children all talking at once) (audience laughing) - you know, if bud and betty had any sense, they'd each buy a package of gum and go in business for themselves. (audience claps) (upbeat music)

man: now lema will try for his birdie. a beautiful putt. boy! ha ha! so at the end of the 17th hole... did you see tony lema sink that putt? he's gonna win. mr. b, i just got one of my sensational ideas. why don't you and some of the other big shots in town organize a professional golf tournament? don't be silly. oh, mr. b, think of all the prestige and publicity it'll bring to the town.

but you could get some of the big business firms to underwrite it. hi. hi, honey. hazel, i said don't be silly. there's enough tournaments in the countries already. and even if the professional golfers association would ok it, how are you gonna line up enough big-name pros? - oh, you could do it. - don't be silly. george, has he called you yet? who? - mayor dickson. - no. why? well, he'll be calling you any minute. i just met his wife downtown. and guess what. the mayor is all steamed up about organizing a professional golf tournament. he thinks it'll bring publicity and prestige to the town, and he thinks you're the very man to handle it. hmm! darling, i'm home.

i didn't go back to the office. i had lunch at the city hall with the mayor and a few members of the chamber of commerce. oh, another meeting about the golf tournament. there's been a change of plans. previously we had agreed that a committee should meet the various golfers at the airport. but now we've decided to meet them individually. each man will be host to one golfer. why are you whispering? we drew names out of a fishbowl, and i drew tony lema, one of the really great men of the game. i'm to meet him at the airport in about an hour. i'll take him out to the club and introduce him around. and, darling, i want you to go with me, so you better get dressed. george, why are you whispering? i don't want hazel to know. she'll wanna come along with us. - she isn't even home. - wha-- and why shouldn't she go along, george? you know how excited she is about this golf tournament. how well i know. for 12 years, she's been trying to tell me how to play golf. now she wants to take on the professionals. oh, george. dorothy, i want the newspaper account to read, "tony lema met by attorney george baxter and his charming wife,"

who thinks she can get tony's game in shape for the tournament." oh, boy! oh, boy! have i had a day. first i had to get dressed, you know, and then i had to hotfoot it down to get the bottle of champagne 'cause i thought it'd be nice to present it to mr. lema when he got off the plane. and i even wrote a little poem to put on it. hazel, wha-wha-wai-- how did you know? know? know what? about the champagne? oh, everybody calls him "champagne tony." how did you know i was to meet him at the airport? oh, well, you see, when you had lunch at city hall today, the waiter that waited on you was a friend of mine. so as soon you drew tony lema's name out of the fishbowl, he called me and told me. that meeting was private and confidential. he could be fired for that. oh, no, mr. b. he was just being considerate. he knew i needed time to get dressed up to go to the airport. well, for your information, hazel, you are not going. hazel, why do they call him "champagne tony"? oh, that's very interesting. you're not going. most people think it's because he drinks it, but that ain't the reason at all. you are not going.

when a professional golfer wins a tournament, he usually stands his sportswriters a round of beer. hazel, are you listening to me? oh, yeah. just a minute. i wanna explain this to missy. so this day before the tournament, he said that if he won, he was gonna treat them to champagne instead of beer. and he won, and he did, and now he thinks it's good luck, so he's been doing it ever since. that's why they call him "champagne tony." now, what was it you wanted to say, mr. b? who knows? it's been so long ago, i can't remember. excuse me. this is a reserved parking lot. do you have a pass? just leave the keys in the car, and i'll park it for you.

hello there. i'm sorry. this is a reserved parking lot. do you have a pass? yes, i have. i'm meeting my husband. he's with one of the airlines. just make sure the keys are in the car. i may have to move it. hey. how about that? what? look. woman: same car. same color. same model. twins.

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ikike you to be standing on the edge of the crowd. why aren't you in the middle of that whole melee? well, i was gonna barge in and give him the champagne, and i saw all them people shoving. they'd shake all the bubbles out. woman: may i have your autograph? when did you win your first big tournament? do you think you'll try for the grand slam this year? now, wait a second. with you guys firing questions at me, how do you expect me to think? we're not asking you to think, tony, just answer the questions. anyway, he's gonna be all ours for five days, so let's not be selfish. let the reporters ask their questions. hazel, you're a born hero-worshipper. oh, sure. otherwise, i wouldn't have put up with mr. b. for so long. i'm sorry. i beg your pardon. hazel, take mr. lema's clubs to the car and wait for us there. oh, sure. can i quote you on that? certainly. i think that's the way the golf tournament ought to be run.

- oh, officer, would you do me a favor? - what? would you watch our car and see that nobody comes near it? - why? - i got tony lema's golf clubs in the back. tony lema? he's a real great golfer, isn't he? oh, he's just the greatest in the world. well, there are one or two others. i wouldn't exactly say he's the greatest. oh, well, you don't have to say it. i said it. there's arnold palmer and jack nicklaus. but tony lema is the greatest. since when?

we got him out of a fishbowl. what did you, uh, do while i was away, baby? oh, just the usual. played some golf? golf? you know golf isn't my cup of tea. i don't know anything about it. i thought you might've taken it up.

i just stayed home and read lots of darn, dull books. man: you shot a 30 on the last 9? no, the last 6. hazel, i told you to wait for us at the car. where are his golf clubs? don't worry. they're safe, mr. b. i got 'em locked in the trunk compartment. but anyone can take them. the keys are in the car. they're safe. i got a policeman standing guard over them. well, it's not true. i know one of the sports magazines suggested that i was a playboy. they hinted that i threw champagne parties where my friends drove golf balls out of hotel windows. but it's not true. if i'd known it was gonna be like this, i'd have brought along some rocking chairs.

well, i hope we're having champagne at the end of the week. you really think you're gonna win, huh, tony? well, i'm playing pretty good. george, can't you talk to those reporters? arrange a regular press conference. they should at least let mr. lema leave the airport. our car. where's our car? what do you mean where's your car? it's right here. oh. you moved it. no, i haven't moved it. it's exactly where i parked it in the first place, and i've been looking after tony lema's golf clubs just liked you asked me to. but it-it-was right here. right next to this truck. no, that was the car that looked exactly like yours. exactly li-- well, where is it? where is it? they left. well, where did-- where did they go? - how do i know? - whose car was it? they don't put names on these passes. it's just a permit from the airport to allow 'em to park on a private lot.

all right, mr. baxter, if you'll set up the time for the press conference. i'll set up the time, place, and the refreshments. great. great. see you, tony. - lema: pleasure. - bye, tony. thanks for handling them so diplomatically, mr. baxter. i can do without any enemies in the press. well, let's skip the "mr." shall we? my name is george. okay. first names all around, huh? tony. dorothy. [coughing] hazel. hazel is our housekeeper. and one of your most ardent admirers. mr. b, could i speak to you for a minute, please? well, not now, hazel. we have to get to the club. speaking of clubs, where are mine? hazel put them in the back of the car. she has a policeman standing guard over them. oh, good. i got to speak to you for a minute, mr. b. i said not now, hazel. generally speaking, i never let those clubs out of my sight. well, i don't blame you. they're your livelihood. more than that. they're like part of the family. it takes years and years to find a putter you can really trust in a big-money tournament.

if anything happened to one of them, you'd be like a little kid who's just seen his dog run over by a car.

but--but, miss, i thought-- i know what you thought. you keep telling me what you thought, and i keep telling you i don't know. well, this is an information booth, ain't it? i don't know. i mean, i don't know what you want to know. george: hazel! what the devil are you doing here? - are you mr. baxter? - yes. well, we have no way of knowing who has a car identical to yours. i beg your pardon. oh, uh, never mind. the policeman in the parking lot may have told her the owner works for one of the airlines. but which airline? what is she talking about? never mind, mr. b. if she put those golf clubs in the wrong car, i am sure the owner will get in touch with her just as soon he discovers them.

hazel, come along with me. what did you say? well, it's unfortunate if she placed those clubs in a car identical to yours. tony lema's... wrong car? [crying] hazel, will you please stop crying? i ain't crying. i'm just emotionally disturbed. that's only feminine, ain't it? i wouldn't know. when i first started working this information booth, i used to get upset and cry. but nowadays, i just feel like belting people. hazel, i'm not mad at you, you understand? - you forgive me? - i didn't say i forgive you. i just said i'm not mad at you. i don't have time to be mad. i've got to get those golf clubs back. but if the policeman at the parking lot don't know whose car it was and she don't-- hazel, there's only one thing to do. i want you to call every car dealer and tell them what happened.

who bought a car identical to mine. then bring the list back here and find out which one works for an airline. oh, that's a swell idea. meanwhile, i'll take tony lema out to the club. i'll stall him there until i hear from you. - and, uh, hazel... - yeah? there'd better be a phone call waiting for me when i reach the club. or else. or else. hello. mr. b, uh, this is hazel. never mind introducing yourself. do you have the clubs? well, i did just like you said, mr. b. i called the car dealers, and i got a list of people who bought cars exactly like ours. do you have the clubs? well, i showed the list to the lady at the information desk, who, incidentally, don't seem to be too fond of me, and she pointed out the name of the man who works for the airline. then you have the clubs. his wife drove to the airport this afternoon to meet him,

just answer yes or no. do you have the clubs? well, that's what i'm getting at. he's older than her, and she's awful pretty, so he's inclined to be jealous. you can say that again. well, especially him being out of town so much. and since she don't play golf, she couldn't explain what the clubs was doing in the back of their car. the golf clubs weren't as bad as the bottle of champagne. she says it wasn't the golf clubs so much as the bottle of champagne. hazel, will you get to the point? well, that is the point. i put a little note on the champagne, a cute little poem, telling tony lema what terrific form he has. i was referring to golf form, you know. but i can understand how the lady's husband might have misunderstood. hazel, what ever happened between the lady and the husband we'll try to straighten out, but right now i want those golf clubs. get them over here as fast as you can. uh, mr. b, that's the point i'm getting to. she said when her husband banged out of the house,

and throw 'em in the river. hello? mr. b. [rattling] hello? i don't think he heard me. hazel did what? she put them in the wrong car. unfortunately, she was able to trace them. oh, well, thank heavens. it may take her about 15 minutes to get here with them. but i never want tony lema to know they got away from us. george, he keeps telling me he wants to turn them over to the caddie master. well, he can't open the back of the car without a key. now, i'll stay out of sight, and you tell him you can't find me. george, i am not going to lie. - well, then stall him. - how? here. now, use every ounce of charm you have. persuade him to show you how to make pars and cut a few strokes off your game. my game? george, i have never played a game of golf in my life. i know it. that's why it's good.

in the meantime, i'll be in the parking lot waiting for hazel. tony lema? woman: you heard her, buttercup? those clubs belong to tony lema. and how could he be making a pass at me when he came in on the same plane you did? yeah. you ought to be ashamed of yourself. that champagne was for him, too. they call him "champagne tony," you know. and i wrote that little poem for him. oh, buttercup, if you could see the sick look on your face. and you have every right to look that way. mr. lema loved them clubs like they was his own kids. they was his livelihood, and now you busted 'em. - no, no. i didn't break 'em. - huh? but i might as well have. i threw them out of the car. where? i don't remember exactly. somebody will have found them by now.

man: oh, they must be somewhere around here. i seem to remember bushes. well, they ain't here. dorothy, you just put your left hand right there where it sits there, and you put this one right on top of it, and that makes them both work as one. - now you try. - it looks simple. oh, it's very simple. i put my thumb here. there you go. that's perfect. oh, that's wonderful. and i put the other thumb over that. - oh, that's lovely. - just so... there. now swing. oh, that looks marvelous. - yes. - you'll make a real good golfer. oh, baby, i'll never be jealous of you again. oh, pardon my yawn, but i've heard that before. no. i mean it. you're always out of town, and you're always wondering what i'm doing when you're gone.

i'm gonna get a job transferred. i'm sticking right here in town with you. oh, buttercup, you mean it? convinced? hazel, i have you to thank for this. well, i ain't in no mood to take a bow. them golf clubs just ain't-- hey, kids, them clubs ain't yours! kids: run! hey, wait a minute! i'll pay you for 'em!

oh, that's fine. yeah? mmm. beautiful. [laughing] well, he's teaching her more than i was counting on. there you go. like this. marvelous. uh, tony. oh, george. i'd like to have a little man-to-man talk with you, tony. now, wait a minute, george. i was just trying to show your wife how to-- tony, i won't get mad if you want get mad. if i won't get mad? mad about what? well, you remember at the airport hazel took your clubs and put them in the trunk compartment of the car? yeah, i know.

[car approaching] what i don't know is what? well, she put them in the car, and now she's taking them out of the car, and here they are. here you are, mr. lema. i guess you wanna hand these over to the caddie master. yes, i would. i never take any chances with these clubs. like i told you, they're like part of my family. and except for the caddie master, i never let 'em out of my sight, never. oh, you're very smart, mr. lema. very smart. very smart. very smart.

suppose i talk to the hotel manager? would that hel-- what? well, yes, i did say that-- well, i meant it, but i-- well, wait just a moment. mr. butterworth wants to know if we can invite mr. and mrs. durham to be our houseguests for a few days. - when? - well, tonight, now. they're already in town, but they can't stay at the hotel. why not? mr. butterworth, i just spoke to dorothy, and our guest room is empty. so i'll be right down to the hotel to pick them up.

and give my best regards to mrs. butterworth. good-bye. hazel: your boss sure has the nerves, inviting guests without giving us notice. hazel, i don't like the idea either, but since mr. butterworth thought it important enough to call from san francisco, we have to give them some consideration. i'm still waiting to hear why they can't stay at the hotel. you did remember to make the reservation, didn't you? oh, yes. that isn't it. mr. butterworth didn't go into detail, but he did say they were pretty upset because of the hotel's attitude toward their little rodney. you mean there's three of them? mr. and mrs. and their little boy? well, it seems like it. if he's as old as i am, that'll be great. well, i don't know whether he will or not. mr. butterworth also commented that he certainly understood the hotel's attitude toward the little monster. bye, dear. come on, missy. maybe we can finish the game before the guests get here. whose turn is it?

if i can just spell "catastrophe." - [door opens] - [barking] oh! [barking] quiet, rodney. there, there, rodney. you know mumsy won't let anybody hurt her little boy. that's little rodney? yes, and these are his parents. i mean the owners. mr. and mrs. ashton durham, my wife dorothy. [rodney barks] my son harold. and this is hazel. - how do you do? - how do you do, hazel? hi. won't you sit down. thank you. [rodney barking] oh! that's a good boy. these nice people aren't going to hurt my precious baby.

lovely home you have here, mrs. baxter. - thank you for inviting us. - well, you're welcome. i just hope that you and mrs. durham and rodney enjoy your visit here with us. that hotel manager had no heart at all, expecting my darling to stay in the basement kennels. why, we haven't been separated for a single night, have we, dear? [growling] your dog sure isn't very friendly, mr. durham. hmm? oh. oh, well, you'll get used to him. you want a bet? hazel, i think it'd be nice if you made coffee for everyone. now. yes, hazel. and maybe they'd like a slice of that fresh coconut cake you baked. nothing to eat, thanks. we had dinner on the plane. but coffee would certainly be welcomed. i'll have it in a jiffy. you just relax, and i'll be right back. mrs. durham: if you don't mind...

and bring a bowl of warm milk for rodney. we're a bit tired after our trip, so if you'll show us to our quarters, mrs. baxter. oh. oh, yes, of course. right upstairs. - come, rodney. - this way. uh... son, how would you like to help me with their luggage?

now, look, i couldn't help it. i had to bring them here. where's harold? he's outside visiting smiley. oh, boy. it's a good thing that dog was out of the house when rodney got here. why? why? hazel, if those two meet, it'd be the biggest dogfight you ever saw. and if anything happened to little rodney... little rodney? he could take on king kong. what exactly, george, is the relationship between mr. butterworth and the durhams? mrs. durham is mrs. butterworth's sister. well, then why didn't the durhams go to their house? you know the butterworths are out of town. well, i can understand that. they left town as soon as they heard the durhams were coming with little rodney. hazel, that had nothing to do with it. i don't think. i still don't see why we should be inconvenienced by mr. butterworth's relatives. we can't just tell them to go sleep in the park. oh, george. besides, mr. durham's business is very profitable to our law firm.

mr. durham's here to look for a site for a new factory. so inconvenient or not, we can't afford to be inhospitable to the durhams. how long are we gonna have to put up with 'em? well, uh, four or five days. maybe a week. a week? george, we can't keep rodney and smiley separated for a whole week. i know, so... i think maybe you should take smiley to a boarding kennel the first thing in the morning. oh! oh, no. not me. you're gonna kick smiley out and keep little rodney? it's the only thing we can do under the circumstances. oh. well, excuse me. i got to take little rodney his warm milk. well, now, you can see it's the best solution, can't you? don't explain it to me, george.

hey, dad, is it okay with you if i let smiley sleep on my bed tonight the way mrs. durham's letting rodney sleep on hers? uh, son, uh... uh, sit down. let's have a little talk. sure, dad. well, now, first, i want you to know that mr. durham is a very important man. he doesn't act half as important as mrs. durham. well, that's not quite what i was getting at. the point is, we want to make them feel welcome. and i think it'd be best for everyone if...if we sent smiley away while they're here. send him away? why? well, you can see how rodney acts. he'd never get along with smiley.

well, son, uh, think of it this way. we'll be giving smiley a vacation. a vacation from what? oh, he'll like that boarding kennel. it'll be something like going off to summer camp. believe me, son, uh, i, uh...i wouldn't do this if i wasn't convinced it's best for everyone. you understand that, don't you? i guess so. well, come along. get your coat. we'll take him over there now. you can explain it to him on the way. yoo-hoo! where are you? in the dining room. come on in. - good morning. - good morning. well, good morning to you, too, rodney. oh, well, i'm sure sorry to hear that,

poor baby. he's just like his daddy. always grouchy until after he's had his breakfast. oh, well, he'll cheer up when he sees what i got. come on. [chuckling] i wasn't sure what he like best, so i got 'em all. oh, that's too bad. but i'm sure they'll let you exchange them. rodney doesn't eat dog food. he don't? i've made out his menu to guide you. for breakfast, he has four poached eggs, six slices of bacon, crisp, one piece of buttered toast, cut into bite-size squares. for lunch, a pint of cottage cheese. for dinner, either a sliced tenderloin, medium rare, or sirloin tips. no caviar? no. he doesn't like caviar. but occasionally, he enjoys a shrimp cocktail. and, of course, he always has a bowl of warm milk at night so he'll sleep well.

want you and rodney to be comfortable while you're here, and we're very anxious to cooperate, aren't we, hazel? yeah. four poached eggs coming right up. just orange juice and coffee for me. you can bring everything right upstairs whenever it's ready. come, rodney, dear. hey, wait a minute. you mean everything? do you mean you want rodney served breakfast in the guest room? we always have breakfast together in our bedroom at home. rodney will feel less upset if we continue the same routine here. poor baby. he's so sensitive. like missy says, we'll cooperate. splendid. and after breakfast, dorothy, i thought it would be great fun if we could go shopping at some of the better stores. with rodney? no. unfortunately, he doesn't like shopping. he'll be much happier here with hazel. oh, boy. i can hardly wait. isn't that wonderful, rodney?

we sagittarians are simpatico with rodney than any other zodiacal sign, you know. i'll hurry and get ready so we can leave right after breakfast.

[snoring] [snoring] [snoring] [snoring] hey, that's mr. b's favorite chair. get out of there. [growling] [growling] - [barks] - [growling] [barking] oh, simmer down. it's just barney, the mailman. well, now, that's more like it.

is that you, hazel? - [barking] - no! rodney! rodney! don't worry, barney. i'll get him. [barking] here now. here now. simmer down, you. here. come on. you can come down now, barney. oh, no. not until you lock that dog up. oh, well, he ain't ours. he's just visiting. come on, you. darn bulldog of all things. ouch. come on. come on! dog like that, they ought to keep locked up in a cage. last night he wouldn't even let dad sit in his favorite chair. i guess he's taken that over, too. oh, sure. today the house, tomorrow the whole neighborhood. we're gonna have to do something about that dog before it's too late.

- i'm ready. - where are you taking him, missy? - over to the kennel. - oh, come on now. no matter how much he misses smiley, the kennel ain't gonna take harold into board. - oh, hazel. - what's so funny? i'm just going over to the kennels to visit smiley, hazel. after that, mom's dropping me over at freddy's house. i'm staying there all night. oh! well, wait a minute. here. take this to him. it's some candy. gee, thanks, hazel. that candy's for smiley, not freddy! dorothy: i'm sure it's going to be a lovely party. right this way, ladies and gentlemen. oh, hazel. how nice. i thought you might like a little snack in case they served you dinner late. they're so delicious. i'll have two right away.

appetizers, silly. come on in and sit down. mr. b, i fixed it so you get your favorite chair tonight. that's what you think. how'd you get him to do that? dog repellent. it gets them every time. well, uh, mr. durham, have you had any, uh...any luck in finding some property? oh, my, yes. several pieces. oh, that's wonderful. yes, but it's only the beginning. oh. now the dickering starts. and it looks like it's going to be some time before any of those owners come around to my price. well, i, uh... i believe that the maple avenue property's not too far out of line.

think that, uh, perhaps it won't be too long before they accept your offer. well, you never can tell about these things, george. from now on, it's going to be something like a game of poker. just going to have to sit back and wait it out. well, i do hope it won't take too long, ashton. you know how difficult rodney can be when he gets bored. if you ask me, he was born bored. oh. i, uh, just noticed the time. if we don't leave now, we'll be late. now, you be a good little boy while mumsy's away. hazel, first thing in the morning, i want you to call the exterminator

[whistles] hazel! it's okay, barney. it's safe. i got him all tied up. [barking] run for it, barney! you can make it! come here. come now. you know, rodney ain't so dumb. he's just been raised wrong. spare the rod, spoil the child. - you know what i mean? - just a minute, hazel. oh, i didn't buy no rod to beat him with if that's what you mean, mr. b. no. this book tells you how to train a dog.

but, hazel, rodney's been spoiled all his life. he's a little old to change now. well, the book says a dog is never too old to learn. hazel, i admit there are plenty of things rodney should be taught, but-- you're darn tootin', and i'm just the girl to teach him that us humans has got to be obeyed. no. no, no, rodney. i paid 4.95 for that book. rodney, no.

there, there, dear. there. morning. good morning, hazel. just, uh, put it on the table there. [sneezing] gesundheit. [sneezing] oh, dear, he did it again. the poor baby had such a restless night. he sneezed four times. you don't say.

so i think you'd better let him rest now, hazel, and serve his breakfast later on. are you kidding? you mean because he sneezed four times, he's too weak to eat? oh, i do hope he isn't gonna start suffering with his allergy again. i never heard of an allergic dog. rodney's another one of those unfortunate cases the doctors can diagnose but don't know how to cure. he is? it's a sort of combination of asthma and hay fever that overcomes him. and when it happens, all we can do is head straight for maine. straight to where? after all else had failed, the doctors recommended rodney have a change of climate. the only place he could get any relief was maine. you don't say. [barking] rodney, darling, you're feeling better. [barking]

no, it isn't. come here, baby. mother will serve your breakfast right away before it gets cold. [barking] you wanna buy what? that's right. six of 'em. no. no, you better make it a dozen. and they got to be in bloom. i guess i could find some for you in that vacant lot in back of the gas works, but i got to charge you for pottin' them. oh, it'll be worth it. i'll pick 'em up this afternoon. doo-da, doo-da camptown races all night long oh, de doo-da day gon' to run all night gon' to run all day i'll bet my money on a bob-tailed nag somebody bet on the gray what's she suddenly so happy about? it can't be she's learned to like serving breakfast in bed to a dog. mumsy feels so sorry for baby. good morning.

the poor darling's allergy is back. he had a terrible night. oh. [sneezing] oh. [sneezing] [sneezing] you're packing? we have to leave for maine just as soon as i can finish. it's the only way rodney can get any relief. well, we wanna get him well as fast as we can. anything i can do to help? george: good-bye, mrs. durham. harold: bye. send the papers to me in maine, as soon as you close the deal. and thanks for putting us up. i will. bye. dorothy: bye-bye. [sneezing] i can hardly believe they're gone, they left in such a hurry. i'm glad. now smiley can come home. yeah, but i feel sort of guilty

what dirty trick? look. hazel, that's ragweed. yeah. i planted it as soon as i heard about rodney's allergy. i hope he gets over it quick. don't worry, hazel. we won't report you to the spca. as a matter of fact, i'm gonna recommend you for a citation from the spcp. what's the spcp? oh, that's the society for the prevention of cruelty to people, especially mailmen. harold, let's pick up smiley. that's what i've been waiting to hear, dad. ah-ah-ah-ah-ah- [sneezing] oh, gesundheit. boy, we better get rid of that ragweed

why, really, mr. hathaway? well, that's very flattering. why, yes, of course. i'd be glad to show it to you. around 2:00? oh, yes, that'll be fine. good-bye. martha, you'll never guess. that was one of new york city's most important dealers in rare coins. he's heard of my collection and is coming by to see it. well, that doesn't surprise me. you have a collection to be proud of. but to have heard of me in new york city. locally, sure. everybody in town knows i'm a collector, but new york. well, it just goes to prove what i've always said: my george is a champion in everything he does. oh, you're exaggerating. [doorbell rings]