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you know, michael, i still can't believe it -- tomorrow, that keith and thelma will be celebrating their first wedding anniversary. yeah, it seems like they've only been married for a year. i see you're in your funny phase. i'm just jivin'. i'm just jivin'. hi, y'all. hi, willona. i got some stuff for the party tomorrow night. oh, girl, you didn't have to bring all this. no, i told you i'd help out. most of this stuff was in my freezer, anyway. here's some swedish meatballs from the year 1971 -- new year's. and these are some shrimp from the party i had when ali beat frazier, 1975. willona, do you have any pepto-bismol, 1979? that stuff is older than the children's marriage. honey, these containers keep everything fresh. don't you worry about it. got something else real special for you, too.

imported russian caviar -- $37. $37? the sturgeon who put the eggs up for adoption would not take less. you have gone wild, willona! oh, flo, "delirious" is the word. i got a big promotion today. you are now talking to the head buyer of the boutique. oh, willona! [ laughs ] that's great, willona. that's great. i got more good news, flo. guess what. i got an apartment on baker street. hey, willona, hey, that's on the north side. uh-huh. you're moving? yeah, for penny's sake. this is a good opportunity, flo -- better schools, better living conditions. oh, look, you don't need to apologize. you're doing the right thing. besides, i have other friends. and i'll make new friends. we'll hardly miss each other.

[ both crying ] oh! ladies, ladies, here's your weeping towels. all these years we've been together -- i don't know what i'm gonna do without you! [ sobbing ] we've been through so much together, you know? don't talk about it. look at us -- acting like a bunch of kids. what are we crying for? i don't know. i don't know about you, but i'm crying 'cause i'm being stuck here. oh! [ laughs ] oh, i'm only kidding. that's really great news, and i'm happy for you. oh, thank you, baby. but first, we got to celebrate. the anniversary party is gonna be really special. well, i wish i could be sure of that. you know, they've both been acting so strange lately. thelma is so edgy. and then keith -- he's so preoccupied. yeah, j.j.'s been acting weird, too.

i tell you, this outfit wasn't easy to arrange, 'cause, see, i couldn't find a telephone booth in which to change. here's dummy man. willona, that's "dynoman." okay, so it's "dynoman." didn't the comic-book company reject that character? willona, dynoman's able to leap tall piles of rejection slips in a single bound. you know, there are other comic-book companies. son, do you have to wear this outfit? ma, it helps me paint.

and when i get it, it's gonna be something else. i tell you, i can sell this thing. i can feel it in my bones. of course you can feel it in your bones. ain't no flesh to get in the way. you see what i mean by "acting strange"? that's perfectly normal... if you're voting. well, if it isn't the lovebirds. looks like this lovebird is about to lay an egg. you know, a man's got to exercise. [ laughs ] now, j.j., what is this sheet doing off of our bed? cooling off, thelma. cooling off. this is part of your anniversary present. i'm using this sheet to keep it a surprise. what are you gonna do for our next anniversary -- take the mattress? and look at this outfit. now, i know you have flipped now. i flipped? hey, come on, thelma.

and you ate all of it. yeah, but it was the best thing you ever cooked. watch it, beanpole. oh, yeah? hey, look here, keith. you know, you can't walk 10 feet lately without going... it's called "exercising," j.j. -- something you don't know anything about. you're the only guy i know who gets a hernia pouring cornflakes. you got some nerve! i got muscles right here! muscles in your lip! oh, oh! all right, all right! stop it! stop it, all of you! listen, this is supposed to be a celebration. you all have managed to turn it into a battlefield. now, all of you have been acting strange. who, me? i'm cool. i'm the same solid rock i've always been. [ telephone rings ] get out of the way! drop that phone! get out of there!

mrs. calm, mr. cool, and mr. collected. give me the phone! got to be for me. yes? this is the evans household. they want to talk to me, ma. michael! it's for you, dear. hello? [ deep voice ] oh, hi, cindy. how you doing, baby? say what? oh, no, baby, i can't take you to the dance tomorrow night. well, because it's my sister's wedding anniversary. come on, baby, now, don't beg. what? yeah, it's cool, it's cool, but, you know, i'll talk to you later, mama.

why do i feel like i'm in the twilight zone? [ knock on door ] happy anniversary, you guys. awwww. thank you, bookman. your first anniversary. and everybody said you wouldn't make it. booger, you got about as much diplomacy as a rhino who can't find his water hole. hey, look, i went way out for that. i could eat for a whole week for what i spent for that gift. oh, you must have got us diamonds, bookman. well, thank you, bookman. we'll open it tomorrow, okay? hey, bookman, what time is it? 2:30. oh, i got to get out of here. i got an appointment downtown at 3:00. let me make tracks here. hey, hey, hey, dynoman, dynoman, sweetheart! haven't you forgotten something?

oh, my cape. i can't fly without my cape. i got to get out of here. j.j., will you look at what you're wearing? you can't get on a bus like that. go and change. go change. i don't have time, ma. i got to get out of here. bookman, can you drive me downtown? are you kidding?! i wouldn't be seen in public with you looking like that. what'll people think? they'll think we're "fatman" and robin. by the way, j.j., where are we going? i can't tell you where we're going, bookman, but i can tell you one thing -- if this thing works out the way i plan on it working out... this could be the start of something big pow! pow! pow! boy, i'm looking forward to that anniversary party. if it's half as nice as the wedding,

that's one wedding i'll never forget. boy, i walked in, and i saw a vision of loveliness in white. oh, bookman. sweet, delicate. thank you, bookman. it was the best sour-cream dip i ever had. but it was a fantastic wedding -- i know that. wasn't it beautiful? oh, yes, everybody looked so nice all dressed up like that. hey, yeah. look at bookman in that tuxedo. is that him? i thought it was a pregnant penguin. and there's j.j. adjusting one of the bridesmaid's garters. yeah, and look at her boyfriend re-adjusting j.j.'s face. hey, wait a minute. i don't remember that picture. that's keith, laying flat on the ground. turn the page. no, wait a minute. i remember. that's the shot that j.j. took and tripped you when you came down the aisle and busted your knee. thank you, bookman. don't mention it. sure was a rough way to start out a marriage.

no pro-football contract, no decent job. but did you complain? no. you dealt with it in your own quiet way. you hit the bottle. bookman! yes, we had our problems, but we worked them out together. now there's no need to look back. we'll just look forward to the future. it'll probably get worse. well, now we're on the brink of -- what happened here? goodness gracious. i've seen happier faces in a lobster tank. i don't know. i was trying to cheer them up. oh, well, bookman, let's get our rear in gear and get on out of here. come on, now. move on. mm-hmm. thelma, i got to go jogging. now, you don't want to come, do you? uh, i'll see you later. oh, i know why keith didn't want me to come. he's gonna get me a present.

well, ma... i can't tell you just yet. but when i do, it's gonna blow your mind. oh, thelma, come on. what is it? tomorrow, ma. tomorrow. oh, thelma.

oh, look at -- isn't it beautiful? look, everybody. ooh, look at that. bookman! get out of the way. hi, everybody. oh, keith, you're home. of course i'm home. i'm not gonna miss my own anniversary, am i? happy anniversary, baby. [ clears throat ] [ clears throat ]

hot stuff. [ chuckles ] come on and give me a hand. and miss all the action? no way. you better come on, jos\. [ laughs ] thelma, have i got a gift for you. i've got the gift for you, and i got to go first. let me go first. hold on. hold on. hold on. i'll go first. see, since this is your first wedding anniversary, which is your paper wedding anniversary, i will give you something commensurate with the occasion. and here it is. a newspaper? just what we needed if we were training a puppy. j.j., if you wanted to buy them a gift -- no, no, take it easy. take it easy. turn to the travel section. why is this ad circled -- "a trip to the bahamas"? that's right.

a trip to the bahamas from the millionaire. [ laughs ] hey, he's not kidding -- first-class tickets to the bahamas! i don't beli-- thanks a lot, j.j. think nothing of it. oh, j.j., i don't know what to say! oh, j.j., that's so generous, but, honey, where'd you get the money? well, folks, that is the real surprise. ladies and gentlemen, friends and family, peoples and peepettes... i'm glad y'all are gathered here for this news 'cause i want y'all to know that now you are looking at a famous working cartoon artiste. that's right. [ laughs ]

j.j., are you sure this time? positive. you sold dynoman? not exactly, willona. from this fertile imagination springs forth another character -- one more dynamic and flamboyant than dynoman. 'cause if you dug dynoman, you can definitely dig... dyno woman! oh, my goodness. that's thelma! um... j.j., after all these years, you have been calling me ugly. and you did not even tell me you were gonna put my face on your cartoon-strip character. now, i think that's pretty... pretty fantastic. j.j., i love you.

i love you, too, catfish face. oh, j.j. j.j., we always knew you'd make it. yeah, and i knew him when he was a nobody. [ laughs ] well, ma, now i'm moving up, and i'm moving out. i'm getting my own pad. but, j.j., why? well, there's three good reasons, ma -- joanne, judy, and boom-boom. okay, j.j., now for my anniversary gift. thelma, mama, now, you all have been probably wondering what i've been doing with my spare time, why i've been acting so strange. no. not at all. actually, i was in training. you joined the army? no, penny. in training with the chicago bears!

i know they said my knee was gone, that i was through, but, babe, i couldn't give up on you. i exercised. i never gave up. maybe they say miracles can never happen, but it did. the team doctor checked it out, and my leg's healed fine. oh, keith! keith, brother-in-law... this means you can play football again? maybe better than ever, michael. i signed on as a free agent -- $60,000 for the first year with an option for 3 more years. do you all know what this means? that means we can all have free season tickets to chicago bears games. i can see it now. 3-39, 3-39! hut, hut, hut! not "hut, hut." how about "house, house"? we're getting out of the ghetto. thelma, you know that duplex on the north side you and i looked at and dreamed of having someday?

oh, keith, thelma, i'm so happy for you! when do we move in, and what time do we eat? hey, let me congratulate you two. good luck. i'm so happy for you guys. baby, you haven't said anything. but, keith... thelma! keith, get her to the couch. hon, are you all right? yeah, i'm okay. [ laughs ] i'm fine. just got a little dizzy. here, lay down. i feel kind of embarrassed now. lay down, baby. i can understand. some people just react that way to big news. and that was big news, keith. it's the biggest news i've heard since saniflush. thelma, it's a great place and all, but i didn't think it would hit you that hard, even though i knew you wanted it that bad. well, i just hope it has an extra bedroom for the baby. are you kidding? it's got three bedrooms.

baby? a baby?! keith! a baby?! baby?! yes, keith, that was my gift to you. you're gonna be a daddy! oh, my baby girl. i'm so happy! oh, ma. i'm going to be a godmother. [ laughs ] and i'm gonna be a babysitter. hey, man, this means we gonna be uncles. yeah. if it's a girl, we can be aunts. i'm gonna be a grandmama! ohhhh! and i'm gonna be a grandbooger! i'm gonna have a baby! i'm gonna have a baby!

look here, keith, you may be a big-time running back, but i think you should let thelma make this carry. thelma, babe, this is the best news yet. you comfortable, huh? do you want a pillow? you hungry? you want something to eat? i do. thelma, why didn't you tell me? well, i thought i was pregnant about four days ago, but the doctor called and confirmed it just in time for our anniversary. ah. so that's why you were acting so strange. well, i'm gonna get to see you as often as i can. you won't have far to travel. you'll be living with us. oh, no. no, keith. no, no, no. i-i couldn't. ma, you have to! you have to, because this is my first baby! i don't know what to do! you take it easy. you just do what comes naturally. yeah, ma, but i'd feel so much better if you're there with me. i... [ crying ] to tell you the truth, baby, so would i.

thank you, ma. michael, you can come live with us. thanks, anyway, brother-in-law, but i'm getting tired of sleeping on couches. so i'm gonna stay at one of the dormitories at school. but i'll come by to visit. by the way, where is this place? baker street. baker street? that's where i'm moving. what address? 743. 743? i just took an apartment there this morning on the first floor. well, we're upstairs. florida! -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com

watching the asphalt grow thinking how it all looks hand-me-down good times yeah, yeah good times keeping your head above water making good times anytime you need a payment good times anytime you need a friend good times anytime you're out from under not getting hassled, not getting hustled keeping your head above water making a wave when you can

good times easy credit rip-offs good times scratching and surviving good times hanging in a chow line good times ain't we lucky we got 'em?