fish don't fry in the kitchen beans don't burn on the grill took a whole lotta tryin' just to get up that hill now we're up in the big leagues gettin' our turn at bat as long as we live it's you and me, baby there ain't nothing wrong with that well, we're movin' on up movin' on up to the east side movin' on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky mo-ooh-vin' on up movin' on up to the east side movin' on up

"at&t up 1/2. mcdonald's--" i eat there. "up 15 1/2!" i've always wanted toinvest in the stock market. what do you think i could get for a few thousand dollars? lunch. stop the fat jokes! i'm on a fat freeway. i can't findan off ramp. you're pretty successful in the stock market. how do you know what to buy? my sixth sense. what do you mean?

like hearing, smelling,tasting...four, and five. i also havea sixth sense, which helps memake investments. that's amazing! what? that you can't name the five senses. you're just jealous. when i seea vacant lot, i imagineputting up high-rises. you think ofputting up picnic tables. that does it. i'd tell you what i think about your fat jokes, but it's impolite to talk with your mouth full. george, who was here? oh...tom. i hope you weren't making fat jokes at tom's expense. me making fat jokes?come on. [doorbell rings]

oh, hi, charlie. long time no see. long time no drink. i'm sorry we haven'tbeen to your bar lately, but we haven'tforgotten about you. how's your lovelywife georgia? uh, gloria is just fine, thanks. oh, i'm so embarrassed. i just blanked out. come on in, uh... charlie. charlie. right. hey, mr. jefferson. hey, charlie. you know how you share problems with me? i'd like to share one with you. is it your son don? uh, that's diane, sir. whoa. you dohave a problem. could i get you a drink? yes, thank you.

i've never made one of those. juice half a lemon,add powdered sugar, and some gin. shave some ice and strain itinto a collins glass. add some ice cubes, fill it with non-carbonated water, then float 1/2 ounceof wild cherry brandy on top. then decorate it with seasonal fruit. how about some coffee? i'd love some. coming up. have a seat. thank you, sir. what's the problem? i need some good business advice. who better to come to, eh? charlie, you'reembarrassing me. what kind of advicedid you want? what's the best way to ask you for a business loan?

because you're dreaming! thanks fordropping by, charlie. asking is hard for me to do. business has been so bad, i thought decorating would draw in the customers. for instance? i got some great ideas. i'd put that blue stuff in the toilet water. i'd add a ceiling fan and patch up the tablecloths. and i want to get a radio for monday night football. a radio. spring fora tape recorder and providethe instant replays. you're not crazy about my idea. well, it's just-- i give up. what'll i do? your place doesneed some improvements.

you know, whatthe french call "ambulance." don't you mean "ambiance"? yeah. i just said itwithout the accent. give people what'smissing at home--sex. i ain't about to serve drinks in my shorts. no, no, no. i mean hire somesexy waitresses with skimpy skirts. and maybe theycould wear wings. and maybe little halos. and you couldcall them, uh... charlie's angels! yeah! and i could be charlie! right! nah. that'll turn the bar into something different. s0mething... worth owning.

charlie's angels, huh? hey, mr. jefferson, that's a great idea. i could make it work. i know. all i need is money. about five grand. more than enough. you'd lend it? not a chance. i'm saving my money, waiting fora good investment. not that yours isn't-- i understand, sir. how about instead of loaning me 5,000, you and me become partners in the bar? 5,000 isn't enoughfor a partnership. all right. i'll take 10,000. you missed my point. i have armed youwith an idea. you must finda sucker-- i mean a partner. yeah, ok. thanks for the advice. i'll go find myself a sucker. oh!

take it easy. coffee's ready. i perked it my... where's charlie? he left. his business is hurting. he wanted to borrow money. i feel sorry for charlie. did yougive him money? to that loser? george! charlie is a friend. the bar business is terrible. i'd never get into business that depends on public mood. what about dry cleaning? there's no problem there. you see, filth is a constant. god has been very good to dry cleaners. he provides for us. in winter, he gives us slush. in spring, mud. summer brings dust. fall brings brand-new clothes to get filthy all over again. when i consider

it brings tears. i'm sure wheneverthe big guythinks about you, he gets tearsin his eyes, too. that's sweet, weez. we haven't beendown to charlie'sbar for a while. let's go this weekfor some drinks. it's the leastwe can do. the least we can do is nothing. george! ok, but it will be lonely there. if i wanted loneliness, i'd stay here with you. heaven i'm in heaven what's up, sweetheart? i was wondering...

trudy, that's olives in a martini. oh. i was using cherriesbecause they're prettier. is that ok? as long as they're selling, put cantaloupes in them. you said charlie wasn't doing any business. hey, mr. and mrs. jefferson! pretty busy, huh? well, uh...yeah. i'm glad to seeyou doing so well. aren't your waitressesdressed a little too naked? yeah! george, this borders on exploitation of women. it's a gold mine. charlie. yes, ma'am? i don't feel comfortable with what you're doing here. george?

hi... can i get you something? sorry, sweetie. you're barking up the wrong tree. oh! hi, honey. can i get you something? this time, dearie, you're not even in the right forest. oh, charlie. yeah? your cash register'soverflowing again. again? problems, problems, problems. heaven i'm in heaven george, i can't believe this! me, neither, weez. where'd charlie get an idea like this? who is the geniusthat's backing him? he's smarter than me. hi, boss.

tell me she said "hoss," not "boss." no can do, george. how can you be part of a business that exploits women? i'm disappointed in you. i'm sorry youfeel that way. but i canlive with it. sorry. i just won't stay here and watch! i'm disgusted! i'll stay and bedisgusted for both of us. george, how doyou like this? charlie's idea wasa stroke of genius! my investment wasa measly $5,000.

i've got allmy money back! it's notjust the money. there arefringe benefits, too. all the peanuts you can eat! i'm glad charliedidn't approach you first. with your sixth sense,you'd have jumped on it! i'd be feelingjealous of you. i'd be fuming. i couldn't handleit so graciously. willis, i need a drink...now! sure, george. charlie, a complimentarydrink for my friend. right away, partner. later, george.i've got to boogie. i put some extra cherries in on the house. i can afford it. charlie, i want in. oh, mr. jefferson,

i was going to help. you were? yes! i thought you meant it when you said no. charlie, charlie, charlie! learn to read people! many timeswhen i say no, i mean yes. now, are we partners? no. does that mean yes? no. let me rephrase that. please? i'd love you to be my partner, but i already got one. i can offer youmore than cash. i could turn thisdump into a success! so you don'tneed my money. i'll stop begging. can you change another hundred? please!

i did. i'd love to have you as my partner, but i already have mr. willis. hey, everybody, let's have a party! i can't believe they'dstoop so low for money. i asked helen to come down. if she doesn't know, i must tell her. [doorbell rings] butting into otherpeople's marital affairs can only lead to trouble. your husband is an animal. hi, louise. florence, what was that all about?

yes, i know. tom tells me everything. oh? excuse me. did he mention that women serve the drinks? yes, he did. and they're young? yes. and they're naked? i'm going to kill him! i'm sure the situation doesn't call for killing, does it, florence? why ask me? i don't butt into otherpeople's marital affairs. i'm sure he'lllisten to reason. if not, i havea persuasive skillet you can borrow. oh, hi, louise. oh, sweetheart. what's going on? i know your secret!

i can explain. not that secret. i'm talking aboutthose nearly nude bimbos working for youat charlie's bar! bimbos? oh, you mean my angels. your angels? i'll getthe skillet. wait a minute. why don't you two discuss this rationally? right. rationally. you're right,louise. now, look, tom... i'm not upsetbecause i'm jealous. well, not entirely. i think it'svery wrong of you to exploit those women. i'm not exploiting them. i'm just making money off of them. don't you seeit's bad on so many levels? you're treating women as sex objects.

i've never thought of you as a sex object! is that skilletcast-iron? yep. and it's got a no-slip grip. i didn't mean that. he won't listen to reason, so we must do something ourselves. let's go. but, helen-- use some money to have the couch reupholstered. why? consider it redecorating your bedroom, hon-ey! oh, florence, i'm so depressed. what should i do? i don't butt into otherpeople's marital affairs. am i doing something so wrong? think what i could buy with this money. oh, my... a new car. a country home.

you can also geta bad conscience and a life plaguedby tiny demons. there's one now. please, let me buy the thing from you. will you buy my sharein charlie's bar? say what? you're selling? ok, look. don't start begging me. is $3,000 ok? i put 5,000 in. ok, 5,000. well, i... 15! well, let's see. 15,000 would betripling my money in two days. is that good? it's a deal? i guess so. helen's really mad. you're making the right decision. nothing's worse than having your wife mad at you.

but won't yourwife be mad at you? who cares? heaven i'm in...trouble hey, trudy! yo, trudy!meet your new boss. you bought out mr. willis? right. where's trudy,the people, and the money? gone. in that order. what happened? i don't know how to say this. carefully.your life depends on it. your wife and mrs. willis complained to mr. whittendale. he said the girls would attract a bad element, and he'd evict me if i didn't fire them. i saw whittendaleenjoying himself here. the problem is so did his wife.

i'm kind of glad it happened. sure, business was good. look at the place. it's not me anymore. i liked the way it was. you're a sick man, charlie. not really. i can't complain. i made some money. mr. willis made some money.