>> here's johnny! [ applause ] [ music ] [ cheering ] [ music ] ho! [ cheers ] [ applause ] >> come on. gettin' late. thank you. you're gonna get us behind time, if you keep doin' that. although it's nice. >> oh. like, tonight? >> what? jiminy cricket." [ laughter ] i saw him in his dressing room. he was up on the chair, singing, "when you wish upon a star." [ laughing ] >> he is with us, tonight. he's mad. it's gonna be fun, tonight. we got another full house. >> yes.

gettin' easier-- you know, the past few weeks to get in here, since we put the free sign out there that says "free eats." [ laughter ] not the "free" sign-- the sign that says "free eats." [ laughter ] >> or the free sign that says "eats." we don't care. uh, i have been conducting my own poll, the past week, on the state of the economy, just to see how people are affected. uh, first of all, how many people in the audience tonight are over 50? don't be embarrassed. just-- okay. how many of you over 50 now have your own paper route? [ laughter ] >> that gives us an idea of how things are going. we, uh-- we had a strange group, last night. we got a-- we've taken the spill over, from, uh, "let's make a deal." [ laughter ] um, came out-- it's not easy to come out and do jokes to 500 people dressed as meat loaves. [ laughter ] >> or a large carrot, sitting in the third row, uh. how many of you are from new york? anybody here from new york? [ applause ] [ cheering ] ah. that-that-that's the crowd, right there. [ laughter ] you know what you're missing,

six to 10 inches of snow, in metropolitan new york. can you see it, back there? a long time. i understand it's so deep, back there, there's a-- there's an alert out-- >> how deep? >> well, i-- >> i-i was almost into it. no, there's a-- all right, there's a reward out, for mayor beame. [ laughter ] >> that's deep! [ applause ] back there-- so heavy, they had to throw hot water on the street walkers to separate them from the lamp posts. [ laughter ] it is, uh, cold and heavy, back there. spa-- [ chuckling ] women always laugh at it. nah, the guys-- the guys go, "what is that?" the women laugh. uh. [ laughter ] speaking of new york city, president ford is currently in new york city. he's making a speech, down in the, uh-- wall street. he's gonna talk to all of the financial brains of the united states. that should be interesting. he's gonna talk to wall street. you know, the important thing is, will e. f. hutton listen?

all right, it's not an important question. [ laughter ] and then, he is going to attend a dinner, tonight, in new york. who do you think it's in honor of? vice president rockefeller. word is he's going to attend that dinner. he's being honored for his greatest achievement-- picking out a smart grandfather. [ laughter ] rockefeller's being awarded. [ laughter ] >> oh, that's-- that explains it. >> that explains it. sometimes i leave, uh, a key phrase out of the joke. that's for make it interesting-interesting to you folks-- to fill in the magic phrase that make that joke-- [ laughter ] >> it's kind of a select-your-own-joke type of thing. i'll throw out the ingredients, you put 'em together, and you say, "hey, i just made up a joke." [ laughter ] >> well, i don't have to give all the words, you know? sometimes the words-- but, i-- you know the economy's in bad sha-- you know why they're traveling together? ford and rockefeller? >> why? >> they can split the, uh, cab, comin' in from the airport. [ laughter ] that's what they can do. [ laughter ] >> was there anything left outta that joke? >> what? [ laughter ] >> was there anything left-- [ laughter ] >> unfortunately, that was all there. [ laughter ]

no, but you know the economy's in bad shape when the, uh, president walks in, and the marine band strikes up "brother, can you spare a dime." [ laughter ] >> that's-- that's a little sad. and, last night, uh-- he attended another dinner, last night. he was busy, yesterday. uh, he attended a dinner-- so, probably saw it in the news-- in honor of bob hope. and he gave bob hope-- and the president is doin' jokes, now. he did a joke, last night. did you see that? he did a butt joke. the president of the united states is stealing, already, from us. [ laughter ] uh, but he presented bob hope. the-- uh, award is the comedian of the century. and bob deserved it. he has entertained a lot of our armed forces. right now, bob is headed overseas, to entertain our mercenaries in the oil fields. [ laughter ] [ applause ] uh. you know who's getting married? read this in the paper, today? john boy. the-- of the waltons-- was in the paper, today-- is getting married. isn't that sweet?

naive about sex. he, uh-- understand he went down to the general store, today, and bought a connect-the-dots sex manual. [ laughter ] uh. called "the joy of tracing." [ laughter ] >> uh. no, but i understand-- i understand grandpa walton sat john boy down, and told him all about the birds and the bees, and, uh, john boy went out, that night, in his pickup, to try to get an easy blue jay. [ laughter ] uh. one of those things that happens. [ applause ] >> woo! >> ho! [ cheering ] >> speaking of birds-- you don't get a segue like this, very often, but this-this is happening up near san francisco. and apparently, it happens every year, at this time. the birds, uh-- i don't know exactly what area it is-- around oakland, or something-- the, uh-- the berries on the trees that's true. was in the paper, today. they-- and the birds pick up the berries, and they're getting drunk.

up there. that's gotta be a sight. you ever seen a robin with his wing around a worm, singing "melancholy baby?" [ laughter ] >> and they-they-they spotted a flock of geese, today, flying over sausalito, spelling out obscene words in their flight. [ laughter ] uh. the police think they have the solution. they're filling all the, uh, bird baths with co-- black coffee. or any kinda coffee, or-- [ laughter ] >> just coffee. >> ju-just coffee. black coffee, red coffee-- doesn't make any difference. we, uh-- we have a great show, for you, tonight. later on, eliot janeway and h&r block are coming out, to explain why they're working. [ laughter ] >> but, uh, crazy mel brooks, the mad genius, is here, tonight, who brought you, uh, "blazing saddles" and "young frankenstein." [ cheering ] mel is backstage, now, growing tall, uh, before he comes out. we have a lovely young actress-- susan blakely, who was in "the towering inferno," and, uh, in a motion picture called "report to the commissioner."

holly lipton is here, and bob rosefsky, who has a book on "fraud, swindles, and rackets" and stuff like that. am i leaving anything out? >> that's it. >> that's plenty. we'll be right back with you. [ music ] [ applause ] [ cheering ]

[ applause ] [ applause ] >> we have returned. we have, with us, tonight, mel brooks. we have bob rosefsky. we have susan blakely and holly lipton. >> yeah. >> what-what-what do you have, lying here? is this your grocery list or something? >> no, no, no. i just have the list of the schools that are competing, tomorrow, in the third annual 72-hour great canoe race. i'm the official starter. usc, the trojans-- >> you're the offic-- >> defending champs. [ applause ] com-competition is from ucla, san diego state, [ applause ] and cal state, in long beach.

>> what is the great canoe race? >> they-- it's the bush gardens-- they're on the lakes of bush gardens. they go for 72 hours. they have relay teams, and they're going after the very-coveted piddling paddle award. [ laughter ] >> are you going to be there as the official starter? >> i will be there. i'm the official starter, tomorrow. no, uh-- in these troubled times, it's nice to know that a group of young people are going after a "piddling paddle." >> do they get to throw you in the, uh-- in the lake, if they win, or something like-- >> i don't think there's any need to suggest that. > all right. here is an article from, uh, "glamour magazine." >> yes. >> you know you have rights, as a shopper? according to "glamour magazine." if you go to a store and guy something, you have, according to "glamour," certain rights, as a customer. >> i didn't know that. >> well, that's what they said, here. uh, for example, "don't be afraid to complain about reduced merchandize," it says. "may be tired-looking, but it's supposed to wear well and not be damaged," and so forth and so on. "some stores will pay the difference, if you buy something from them, then find the competitor charges less." did you know that? >> no. >> if you go to a store and buy something, you go back to the store and say, "i saw it over at so-and-so," usually they will give you should do that.

>> mmm-hmm. "for returns, expect cash, if you paid cash, and have a receipt. credit if you lost the receipt, or purchase." were you aware of that? that's your right. as to advertisements, if a garment is mistakenly advertised at the wrong price, and it's not a gross misprint like $1.98 for a $198 coat, you may be able to demand the price, if you refer to the ad. if something is $27.50, i suppose, and it's supposed to be -- >> carry the ad with you. >> carry it with you. >> right. >> and they go through a whole long list, here. >> that's in "glamour magazine?" >> that's in "glamour magazine." >> i love that. i love-- >> "your rights as a shopper." >> you know, when "glamour--" >> they're not strictly legal, but they are rights that you should have -- >> when "glamour" reduced its size-- you remember it was a larger magazine. >> yes, it was. >> came down to a smaller size-- what was nice about it-- it didn't reduce the amount of information you'd get in a given story. [ laughter ] i like that. i mean, even though it's kind of a condensed version, everything you'd wanna hear about that particular subject is in that particular article. >> that's wrong, wombat-breath. [ laughter ] >> there's more? >> i tell ya. that's-- those are good. [ laughter ] >> those are good.

>> those were your rights, during normal times. >> right. >> but, as you know, we are in a recession, now. >> that's right. >> or-- >> extra rights, during recession? >> well, you got new rights. >> oh. >> and here-- >> how many pages do we have? >> you'll find out. you do have the right to do comparison shoplifting. [ laughter ] that's right. if you're caught, you have the right to remain noisy. [ laughing ] >> well, that's a-- >> that's a right. >> that's a right. if a supermarket clerk stamps a higher new price on any item in your basket, you have the right to stamp his face with your shopping cart. [ laughter ] you have the right to demand a refund, when your new underwear shrinks so bad, it causes your voice to shatter glass. [ laughter ] >> in a clothing store, if you see a sign that says "we are not responsible for clothes left in this room," you have the right to get up an armful and go home. [ laughter ] saying, "since you're not

clothes, i am." [ laughter ] that's an inalienable new right. [ laughter ] >> how many pages are there? >> what? well, it's gonna be slimmed down, here. [ laughter ] >> in a supermarket, you have the right to return meat that still has fur on it. [ laughter ] >> ho! >> normally, you should never shop for food while in a recession, you have the right to start out hungry, and then eat your way to the checkout stand. [ laughter ] the recession charlie. you have the right to say, "hey! cut that out!" if a tailor takes more than 40 minutes to chalk your inseams. [ laughter ] >> that is a right. [ laughter ] "hey! don't do that." [ applause ] >> you're starting to talk like mel brooks. >> i know it. you'll buy a used car, and the brakes give out on the freeway, the only right you have are the last rights, as you know. [ laughter ] and when you're through shopping and realize you have $1.40 to your name, you have the right to go over to eliot janeway's house and slap him around, for half an hour. [ laughter ]

rights, and i don't know why -- [ applause ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] i think i was right, when i said that "glamour magazine," uh-- >> we just dump everything off the-- >> "glamour magazine" did cover everything, in that article. >> it did cover it better than i thought. [ laughter] >> but we gave it a shot. we have, with us, tonight, uh-- mel brooks will come out here, in a moment, and try to explain what we're doing, out here. and, uh-- yeah, he's been on the cover of everything, lately. he was in "newsweek magazine," "time magazine." he has a whole interview in "playboy magazine." and he is here, tonight, along with susan blakely and holly lipton and bob rosefsky. and we'll return, in just a moment.

[ applause ] [ applause ] [ cheering ] >> hello, there! [ applause ] i'm getting my mel brooks props ready, here. >> am i right in recalling

very first show that you did? >> october 1, 1962. >> joan crawford, mel brooks-- >> rudy vallee and groucho marx. >> groucho marx. >> and, you cannot pick up a magazine, today, without seeing the wonderful profile-- [ chuckling ] >> of, uh-- [ laughter ] >> of my next guest, whom i've known, uh-- it'll be a week, thursday. >> yeah. >> he looks-- he looks best as an indian. >> what? >> he makes the best-looking indian. >> a fine indian. and, uh, "newsweek," and, uh-- "newsweek" said, as a cover story-- it says, "the mad, mad world of mel brooks," and-- about his latest film, "young frankenstein." they said it was, uh, nuttier and funnier and more inspired than anything else done in movies today. would you welcome, please, the adorable mel brooks? [ applause ] [ music ]

[ music ] [ applause ] >> come backstage! >> change. >> do you remember? brandon de wilde. >> brandon de wilde, right? >> ran over the hills after-- >> alan ladd. >> alan ladd, saying -- >> "meat with fur on it." [ laughter ] >> meat with fur on it. the monologue. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> that would appeal to your-- that would appeal to your disturbed and distorted mind, right? >> the guts. you have such guts. [ laughter ] guts. your suits. [ laughter ] you just-- everything you wear is so crazy. you know. everything. everything. >> well, what's wrong with it? >> your nose. nothing is good, you know? [ laughter ] >> you know he's about 23? he makes up his hair all gray, to look old. [ laughter ] so he can look like a person, you know? [ laughter ] >> he's a silly kid. he's just really a silly kid. i really love ya. i really love ya. >> well, you know, you keep sa-- >> i mean, i really love ya.

>> oh, really? really, there's a-- >> and then i'll fall in love with that. you know what i mean? i'm pretty tough, myself. [ laughter ] >> every once in a while, a beauty comes along. [ laughter ] >> it just clicks. say, "hey, that's for me." >> ya fall. what can you do? >> if you fall, you fall. how are you, mad genius? that's what they call you. >> know, the last time i wore this suit-- [ laughter ] >> i never wear a suit, but i don't like people coming out with jewish stars and cro-- and everything. you know what i mean? they sit with chains here, you know? it's too much. and i hate 50-year-olds who desert their generation, know what i mean? >> right. >> artie shaw, who's artie shaw? you know what i mean? >> yeah. >> they forget. >> sure. >> you talk to people. the-they-- you know, i'm 48. i'm gonna be 49. >> am i older than you are? >> yes. [ sneezing ] excuse me. [ laughter ] >> no, i don't-- i was born on june 28th, in 1926. >> oh. >> when were you born? >> why, is this a-- you-- are you holding a party? >> no, i'm just -- [ laughter ] when were you born? >> i'd come, you know that. >> yes. >> you don't call me. >> i will. i will. >> every time i see you. i'll run into you, maybe-- what? once every three or four months. >> yeah. >> and i see you and annie walkin' around the street. >> we don't go out.

>> no, but seriously, we-we never go out. we-we're like homebodies, you know what i mean? so we hardly go-- but if we did go out, you're the first person we'd go out with. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> but-- >> october 23rd. >> you were bo-- october-- what year? >> 1925. >> october 23rd, 1925. >> big 50, this year. >> you're a-a gemini. [ chuckling ] [ laughter ] >> i even give you the date, and you didn't know. >> yeah, october twen-- >> most people tell ya, without even askin' the date. >> you are-- you're a presbyterian. what-what is that? [ laughter ] >> yes. i'm a, uh-- i'm a scorpio. i'm on the cusp. >> you're a scorpio. >> cusp. >> one o' them. ah! scorpio. [ laughter ] >> that's right. yaha. c'mere, little girl. >> yes. [ laughter ] >> that's what they always say about scorpios-- sexually maladjusted and, you know-- >> you know-- >> cool whip and a spatula. [ laughter ] >> get it. >> cool whip and a spat-- that's not you. that's not your image! >> i know that's not. >> you're a nice person. >> that's right. >> except once, in the parking lot-- >> i told 'em-- i told 'em, you know ,what you said about my suit, before i came out here. i look like jiminy cricket. [ singing ] >> "don't do that, pinocch!

[ laughter ] >> what is this? >> the national academy of television arts and sciences. this-- i went to dinah shore's bar mitzvah-- [ laughter ] at the na-- at the-- at the emmy's-- >> right. >> and that's the last i wore-- >> still in the suit? >> and burt reynolds made a wonderful speech. >> mmm-hmm. >> he loves her. he kisses her. he has half a mustache. he had smallpox when he was three. and only half of him can grow a mustache. so he grows this half, 'cause it grows normal, nice, regular, beautiful. this half-- they make one to-- you know, they-- pow! >> oh, come on. >> yeah, righ-- i swear! >> is this the hollywood scoop? >> nah, i made it up. [ laughter ] >> i'm buying it. i'm sitting here, like, "oh, really? i didn't know that." >> only two guys i'd go out with is you and him. [ laughter ] >> well, as long as burt's in there. >> can i have a sip of this? >> yes, please. >> little coffee that ed has, over there. [ laughter ] >> the king lives! [ laughter ] >> are you crazy? on the air? [ laughter ] are you mature? i want-- i'm tellin' you, ladies and jews, this--

plenty-- you need plenty water, after that. >> "plenty water." yeah, i saw your, uh-- saw your, uh, "young frankenstein." >> you were the one! >> no, come on. [ laughter ] you're makin' a fortune! what are you talkin' about? >> it's doing-- it's doing. >> people are cued up all over the country, coming to that. it's a mad, crazy, nutty, funny take o-- i don't know whether you call it a take off or a parody, because you follow the old, uh, "frankenstein" pictures, the story. >> there was-- there was-- >> it's a horror movie, too. >> there was a director, many years ago, by the name of james whale, who made all those wonderful "frankenstein" picture-- he made "frankenstein," "the bride of frankenstein," "the son of frankenstein," "the house of frankenstein," "frankenstein's friend murray." [ laughter ] he made all those. and-and they were beautiful. >> yes. >> and he-- the moves and the look and the halos behind the ladies and the fear and-- it wasn't like the-- >> yeah. >> the hammer films, you know, that-- with the little gory, with the blood, you know.

>> and-and so, "frankenstein" was to be a salute to james whale, as well as-- >> right. >> having fun with mary shelley's masterpiece. >> and you had the original "frankenstein" equipment. right? when you were, uh-- >> yes! we had kenneth strickfaden. found him in santa monica, in an alley-- "nng bluh nng [ laughter ] still-- things-- doing things to himself. [ laughter ] >> and they put him in a van-- [ laughter ] >> you can't take him in an open car. let's face it. know what i mean? >> little curtains on it. [ spitting ] >> and we brought him-- and he made up all the-- you know, the electrical-- >> it's a funny picture. >> oh, thank you. >> why didn't you appear in that one? now, you were in "blazing saddles." >> too short. too short for that. [ laughter ] >> too short for-- >> it's for tall people. >> monsters... big. big, tall, nice people. [ chuckling ] >> zippers. >> would you like to be taller? >> i would like to be taller, but i don't wanna go through the expense of it, you know what i mean? [ laughter ] [ applause ] it'd be too much to worry. [ laughter ] >> and the period you have to stay home alone. >> yes, right, you have to stay home for six months-- >> that's right.

there's agony for the first week, you know. [ laughter ] the first-- the first week of the-- you know. >> that's hardly worth it. >> yeah. >> hardly worth it. >> and then, they-- if they don't set your ankles back, again, right-- [ laughter ] all right? [ laughter ] >> the rest of your life. "nng nng." [ laughter ] >> uh, you know, i-i found out, at the picture, there's some, uh-- actually you-you shouldn't tell some of the things that-that happen in the picture, because it tips it, right? >> no, we-- well, i don't think we should talk too much about "frankenstein." lemme say one thing about "young frankenstein," and that is gene wilder. >> he was, uh-- he's funny man. >> gene wilder. [ applause ] >> he is -- >> hi gorgeous, isn't that what he said? >> we were in a lot of tro-- and you know this, for a fact. we were in a lot of trouble, when we did "blazing saddles." we had two men, ready to play the waco kid, that mr. wilder-- uh, gene wilder-- eventually played. remember? with, "i shoot with that hand." >> mmm-hmm. >> he was wonderful, as the waco kid. he shot their guns outta their hands, and he-he was compelling and touching and funny. and he did it for me, one night-- you know, we were

>> you said, "oh, no, i don't'-- i don't do movies. i'm no good." you know. 'member that conversation? >> oh, you did call me. you called me about that picture. >> no, but i really love-- i love you, and i would love to do a movie with you. you know that. >> i wanna be a member of your stock company, now-- now that you're a hit. >> yes, but they-- [ laughter ] >> see, now that you're really rolling. >> they get $1.75 a week. >> $1.75? >> that's why they're always there, you know. they're dummies. i don't-- smart people. [ laughter ] but, anyway, gene wilder, uh, asked me about "young frankenstein." he had an idea to do "young frankenstein," uh, and i said, "we'll talk about it later." but i really owed him a big favor, and i began doing it as a favor. but, the writing and the comedy and the fu-- we put it all-- and it got very good. it began to get really, really good. and, as we began shooting it, it got funnier and funni-- i could not believe that it would turn out-- 'cause, like-- it's jewish anxiety and guilt. i mean, how could you have such a good time and s-- why am i turning to you, for jewish anxiety and guilt? [ laughter ] >> jewish anxiety. anywa-- and-and it was-- it was wonderful. we were having a very good time.

would be a failure, because we were just enjoying ourselves. >> are you more secure now? >> but it was gene. it was gene. >> yeah. >> are you more secure now? >> i am. i'm very s-- i-- are you kidding? i get $200 a week from you. [ laughter ] are you telling us to break? we'll come back to-- is that-- is that what the piano is saying? is that what it's saying? >> yes. >> why did you wear a tie, skitch? look at all these people out here. [ laughter ] you-you're really wonderful. with the rice. what do they pay you for that? ba-da-da da-da! [ laughter ] i see that. >> we're gonna come right back. >> i love that. i love that guy. he's a little gay, but, well, who cares! [ laughter ] who cares, he's a wonderful person. >> he's a nice-- >> he's a good-- he's a church member, that's the most important. [ laughter ] >> that's-- who cares if he goes to those bars? who cares! [ laughter ] not our business. that tall one you went home with, the other night-- that's scary. [ laughter ] the one with the little hair. [ laughter ] or the one with the blue hair. you know the one. [ laughter ] doc, please, i mean, you have a family. have a little-- go-go in a closed car, what are ya-- [ laughter ] you know, through the-- through the sliding roof -- oh, oh-- >> the sun roof. >> oh, that's terrible. >> we have to break away, here, for a second-- >> all right.

[ applause ] [ music ] [ applause ] we are back. we're talking with mel brooks. director, writer, producer, author. whatever. >> yes. >> we were talkin' about, uh, gene wilder. >> yes. i have a little film clip that i brought. >> right. >> to show that wilder is the one that holds this together.

paramount epitome of acting. he is a very good serious actor >> the catalyst. >> yes. the catholic-- did you say "catalyst?" [ laughter ] >> whatever. shut up, when i'm talking. [ laughter ] >> oh, you're rolling, there. real nice. >> i want you to see, in this film clip, that we-- we're all ready to break up and laugh, or-- we're biting our knuckles-- everybody on-on screen-- and wilder-wilder is the one you can hang-- you can lean on-- a rock. show, please. show gene wilder in action. >> watch the monitor. this is the rock. >> doctor! zere is that strange music again. >> it seems to have stopped the big fellow, in his tracks. >> that music. that quaint-- [ laughter ] it's terrible, the price society demands, in the name of fidelity, isn't it? i mean, what is fidelity, after all? >> not fooling around?

[ laughter ] is that it? why, look. you haven't even touched your food! >> there! now i've-- [ laughter ] still smoldering. let me smell your breath. [ exhaling ] [ laughter ] >> ah! god! [ laughter ] >> follow me, please. [ laughter ] now, listen to me very carefully. [ chuckling ] [ laughter ] >> all right. >> oh, does that include the key

>> you mean the laboratory. >> mmm! [ laughter ] >> oh, gene, don't laugh! it's so -- >> uh, igor, would you give me a hand, with these bags? >> certainly. you take the blonde, and i'll take the one in the train. [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ growling ] >> ugh! stop that! >> master. [ laughter ] >> may i go in? [ laughter ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ cheering ] >> a rock. man is a rock. [ laughter ] man is really a rock. >> he is-- he's the greatest sucker for comedy. i mean, he can't-- >> see marty feldman go in? >> yes, marty went. marty-- [ chuckling ] we all laugh.

one-one day, when we were doing, uh-- in-in "the producers," kenny mars was doin' the crazy german, with the pigeon doody on his helmet. >> right. >> and, uh, he was-- he was making a speech, and i was behind the camera, eating a handkerchief, and there was the cameraman and the director of photography, and we all fell over ,with the camera, at the same time. [ laughter ] >> a lot of people-- >> we just went. we just-- and i cleared everybody away. you know, i cl-- i cleared the enti-- i said, "everybody out! if you-- this is professional! no laughing! let the audience laugh, for god's sake! we'll watch it! go ahead, kenny." [ farting noise ] [ laughter ] >> on the deck. >> down. >> why did you make this-- why did you make this in black and white? >> the crayons. we lost all the crayons in -- [ laughter ] we had such a big set. [ laughter ] >> no, we-- black and white, >> yeah. we didn't wanna make one of those-- >> i see. >> dopey new ones. >> think this is the second picture-- third picture, i guess, you direct. >> fourth. >> fourth. excuse me.

"blazing saddles," and "frankenstein-- young frankenstein." >> of course. [ applause ] >> thank you. thanks, mom. >> what's the hardest thing about makin' a film? >> the holes. >> what? >> the holes. >> the holes? >> the holes in the side of the-- of the-- of the celluloid. every day, a hole, a hole, a hole! [ laughter ] >> it's a million! it's a million! it's a billion! the acting's nothing, the writing is nothing, the-- >> making those little holes. >> but, every night-- pop! pop! pop! [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> then they're all over, and you don't know what to do. >> over. and then ya-- and then they're in your food, your potatoes. [ laughter ] >> you started out in the mountains, didn't ya? >> yes! >> filling in, for the comic who got sick one night, and you went out and didn't have an act. >> "good evening, ladies and germs. i just moved out to chicago, and boy, are my arms tired." >> that kinda stuff. >> "i met a girl in chicago. she was so skinny, the waiter said, "check your umbrella." [ rimshot ] [ laughter ] >> that kinda stuff. >> but one night-- one night, i really wanted to turn the jews around. >> right.

so i did everything, but no punch line. "good evening, ladies and gentlemen. i just flew in from chicago. it was-- a little nauseous." they looked-- they looked-- "all right." "i met a girl in chicago. she was so skinny, i was worried." [ laughter ] >> "a little worried about her. went to a doctor, doctor-- 'she's all right.'" [ laughter ] "i got a room in chicago. the room was so small, i called up, i said, 'change the room.'" [ laughter ] i mean, i did every single joke known to man, but no punch, just straight. >> just-- "this is a bad room. i don't like the room. they changed it." >> and they looked-- they said, "there's a some where here." [ laughter ] then, i did-- then, i did-- you know, in the mountains, everybody was over-- like, over 60. they didn't-- they didn't get things right away. right away, they didn't. like, i'd say, "ladies and gentlemen, man of 1000 faces." [ laughter ] they waited! they waited, for 1000 faces! [ laughter ]

>> all right. after five-- >> they wanted to see a thousand faces. >> but how much-- no, i-i-- i was up-- i swear i was up to about 30. [ laughter ] i mean, how many faces can ya-- i said, "when are they gonna laugh?" oh. [ laughter ] i mean, i don't-- i don't know. >> then you went with sid caesar, the old "show of shows," with, uh, that mad, crazy group. >> he was the best. i woulda been a comic, 10 years earlier, but he >> yeah. >> for my passion. he could do anything. he mimicked people. i mean, he didn't do bogard, he didn't do cagni. he just did people-- recognizable types. he really was incredibly talented. >> he did everything phonetically. sid's been on the show. you know, he did great phonetic german-- french, uh, spanish, japanese-- whatever. >> he's great. he's rea-- he's really-- and he's still great. and the problem with television is that it eats you up, like little link sausages, every week, so-- >> right. >> it's difficult to stay alive, when you're high-powered. if you're a low-key comic-- >> right. >> you can stay alive a li-- a little longer, you know. but sid was too much. sid was also the strongest human being.

>> physically. >> physically. the-the golden boy. he didn't like a joke, he lifted the metal desk and the tarp, "i don't like it," he said, "okay. okay." [ laughter ] "no. no. don't have to be in. it don't have to be in." [ laughter ] >> you feel it. >> very early on, when we did "the show of shows," we went to chicago, uh, and i was riding with sid. we played the palmer house-- the empire of the palm house. and sid rented a car, and we were driving in the car-- cab cut us off. cab driver said things you cannot say on television. sid said, "moment! moment, sir! moment." got outta the car, went to the cab driver-- cab driver wearing a yellow hat and a little leather bow tie. he's-- and the-- and the cab driver is looking through this little clipper window-- remember those? they had little clip-- and he says, to sid, more invectives, more, "you du--" you-you know-- very bad cursing. and sid just said to him, "do you remember birth?" >> "do you remember birth?" >> birth. he says, "what?" "do you remember being born? do you remember birth-- your birth?" he said, "no-- what--" he said, "we're gonna reenact it." [ laughter ]

by the leather bow tie, and began pulling him. [ laugher ] [ applause ] [ laughter ] >> pulled him through the little window. >> and i-i-i promise you, sid coulda got him through, but i bit his hand. [ laughter ] >> somewhere, there's a very long cab driver, back in chicago, to this day. >> yes, a very long, skinny cab driver. he is very, very -- >> yes, i remember. >> in the beginning, i was the-- hired only by sid. >> right. [ coughing ] >> i wasn't a human person, yet. before, i was the one to run out and got sid coffee. "light coffee?" but he didn't think so, the only things i could do were the l-litt-little things, like, uh, they let me write "the german professor." >> oh, well, that's good. >> yeah. and-and-- so, i wrote that, for a while. and sid was terrific, at "the german professor." he was on everything.

we-- he-- and he could adlib, i mean, you could write with sid on that. he was so great. we did one on sleep. >> ugh. on tha-- he was-- i can't do that-- i'll just do a little of it. he did-- said, uh, uh, "how-how does-- what is sleep? how d-- you can put the body to sleep. you cannot altogether-- put the body to sleep altogether would be-- it got-- gonna get scared and get up. [ laughter ] you-you gotta put the body to sleep, in little sections, that one section should and all the others gonna sleep. first, you start with the toes. the toes, they drop off. then, you stay with the knees. they put a knee cap -- then, you say to the belly, 'don't burble and burble so much. [ laughter ] then you say to the heart, 'just a nap. don't nod all the way. just a nap. [ laughter ] nap and then, the hardest part is the brain. to put the brain-- the brain don't wanna go to sleep. 'don't worry. there's other pebbles on the beach. you'll find them. [ laughter ] so you'll get another job. don't complain, you're

[ laughter ] come on. [ singing ] rock-a-bye brain in the skull-- all right everybody up. see? you woke everybody up! [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> yeah. >> i am-- i am insulting it, because he really-- i mean, sid was a genius. >> no, you do it. i wanna come back, and talk about your meeting with general sarnoff, 'cause that was a strange-- >> i can't talk about that on television. >> well, you can maybe work around it. >> no, we ca-- nothing. >> i see. >> we won't talk about it. >> okay. we'll go to s-- >> okay. >> go to somethin' else. >> ah, we're not gonna go to something else, either. [ laughter ] what if you got a nut like that on the show? "no, we're not gonna talk about anything. we're just gonna be here." [ laughter ] "what do you mean, we're just gonna be--" "we're just gonna be here, and they'll be here, and the cameras, and we'll just be here." >> sometimes you get-- >> "but we're not gonna talk. we don't have to talk. they'll know, and we'll know." [ laughter ] >> once in a while, you get that. you can say to a guy-- some actors say-- "i understand an amusing thing happened to you in chicago." >> "i don't remember." >> "i don't recall that one."

look-- he looks to fred. he's-- "why did you book him? why did you bring him? [ laughter ] why is he here? get the hook and --" >> we-- we'll be back. we're comin' right back. [ applause ]

>> the king lives! i really want to show you something. karen o.: 1, 2, ready, go l-o-v-e it's a mystery all is love is love ow!

[howling] announcer: for great play ideas, visit www.smallstep.gov. [ music ] [ applause ] >> i guess we can't talk about the late general sarnoff. >> sure. you wanna hear that story? [ laughter ] sure. i don't-- i-- i'm very -- >> general sarnoff-- these people don't know, but he was the father of robert sarnoff, who's the-- he's now deceased, but he was the grand man who formed the whole radio corporation of america. >> yes. and i think he, together with lee de forest, invented, you know, the-the -- >> yeah. they were responsible for everything happening. >> he was a giant of a man. i mean, he really was. and-and, when i was a little kid, working on "the show of shows," the general himself, general sarnoff-- and pat weaver, who was then running the nbc network-- and max liebman, the producer of "the show of shows--" terrific

a private meeting, in sid caesar's office. and i felt-- i just wanted to be-- i wanted to be part of the meeting. i wanted-- [ laughter ] i wanted-- you know how you want-- you want-- you know, there were all the big shots, and i just-- i said, "look, i won't make noise. i just-- i'll sit in the corner. i won't--" "you can't be! it's a meeting with big sh-- you're nothing! you're dirt. get out!" [ laughter ] i said, please-- so, they wouldn't let me in. i ra-- i went nuts. i ran around. i look-- i saw a derby, a straw-- 'member those straw boaters? had wonderful-- with-- had a little wire on it. big straw-- and i s-- and a-- and a white duster. you know a duster? >> yeah. >> from one of the sketches. carl ronnie used to wear a white duster a lot. so i took the white duster-- he was that way. [ laughter ] i took the white duster and the straw boater, and i burst through into the-- it's a-- had a big network meeting. i burst through, i jumped on the desk. i jumped up on the desk, and i said, "lyndie london! he's embarrassed! he made it." [ laughter ] and i throw my hat out the window. and the general-- you know, pat weaver and-- they're-- "who is this crazy kid? what? lyn-lyndie-- that was

[ laughter ] what happened?" and-and so, liebman said, "mel, please." and i said, "he's -- he's embarrassed. the spirit of st. louis, down the borg. landed. lyndie." so they threw me out. they took all. they threw me out. [ laughter ] two years later, i'm walking in the top floor of the rca building, and general sarnoff was walking with another guy, with vests, and-and then-- chains and everything. and they're walking and talking. and he nods to me, i nod to him. we walk-- the end of the corridor, he turns-- i stop. i turn around. he turns around. i-- and i see him do-- "lyndie london! [ laughter ] >> he was in the -- he did the whole-- [ chuckling ] he was explaining me. >> he's a grand old man. >> he never forgot, you know. >> how would you forget that? >> yeah. >> lyndie. >> nice man like that, and you on the desk. >> yeah, h-- well, what about the person in the street, when a straw hat came by? [ laughter ] >> know what i mean? walking by. >> may i ask you what this is? >> this-- >> since is obviously just a piece of board. >> yeah. yeah. it's-- >> you're not just hocking a piece of board, are ya? >> it's a-- >> i know when you're successful you can sell anything, but a piece of board with a thing on it? >> no, it's-- that's a record-- it's a new concept. >> there's no record in here. >> no, it-- you don't need

you play-- you put this down, and you-- [ laughter ] it plays. actually-- >> at any speed you choose, i suppose, yes. >> i'm glad -- i'm glad you're plugging, 'cau-- this is coming out, this week. people are interested in whether [ chuckling ] >> am i holding it wrong? >> yeah. people -- [ laughter ] >> what is this, all of a sudden? where-where're you going? >> i'm-i'm really crazy about it but, you know, i can't really communicate, you know. [ laughter ] >> hi, gorgeous. is this-- is this a musical album from-from "young frankenstein?" >> the only thing-- >> i don't remember any music, in "young frankenstein?" >> yes. there's a lot-- there's a-- >> very little. music, but there's a lot of funny dialogue, and that's the only point i want to make. >> it's music and dialogue. >> and dialogue. >> it's on abc records. >> so you get, really, two for the price of one. >> it's very good. >> i see. and then you get very excited to see the movie or to see murray the freak. either one. i'm not sure. >> whatever does it to you. >> he's in apartment 3a, in wilshire boulevard. >> yeah. [ laughter ] how-how do you answer people who said-- now, you've gotten comments

"mel brooks's humor is crass." right? >> yes. i go -- >> it's vulgar. [ laughter ] it's vulgar. >> i usually [ deleted ] [ laughter ] [ cheering ] [ applause ] >> well. >> i tell-- >> you've always been a master-- >> i deny-- i always deny. >> you've been a master of innuendo, all your life. [ laughter ] >> you don't think he's clever, huh? [ laughter ] huh? don't think that's genius, folks? i'll tell ya-- show ya genius. [ chuckling ] >> innuendo. >> man knows what he's talkin' about. >> i like subtle. i don't like any right-up-front, you know what i mean? i like to lay back and play it purple, you know what i mean? >> that's right. >> soft colors. >> that's right. >> there's nothing yellow and orange about me, ya know? [ spitting ] never. >> right. right to the point. >> the bean sequence in "blazing saddles--" quiet. you know what i mean? [ laughter ] >> that's right. >> it's communication, on the prairie. you have to look at it intellectually. can't look at things with your nose, you know what i mean? [ laughter ] >> how-- how do you figure out-- since

you'd agree to that. how do you know what's funny? >> you-- >> when you put something together. you-you know, you could do a symposium on comedy, which usually turn out to be terribly dull. >> well-- >> any time you try to explain why something is funny, it's dull. right? >> you want me to-- seriously? >> no. >> oh, okay. oh! [ laughter ] >> those oughta be up, by april. [ laughter ] >> that's right. >> serious though, i want to give a serious answer. >> well, i'll do-- i'd like a serious answer, tonight. [ laughter ] [ cheering ] [ applause ] >> mr. brooks cleverly retorted. >> yes. >> all right. >> you know comedy is funny when they laughin'. when it's quiet, and you see a little forest fire of cigarettes-- mmm [ mouth popping ] in the middle of a good comedy, ya know? >> that's wrong. >> lot people lighting up, ya know? you know something is wrong on the silver screen. >> right, so-- >> and you have missed the comic target by a mile. >> so, when you hear laughter-- >> when you hear laughter, you go, "ah!" >> funny. >> "they got it." >> right. >> "they got the joke." right. >> well, that-- >> but i'll tell ya, seriously, that the--

big private joke for me and the writers. >> mmm. >> we did it with richard pryor and norman steinberg and alan uger and andrew bergman, and we thought, "let's do one movie to please ourselves." >> i understand when you first showed it, though, to the executives, in a screening room, they sat there like mount rushmore. it was-- >> i tell you, i don't know why my heart is beating today. [ laughter ] i-- i mean, i-- all-- the-the blood left me, and went into my friend benji. [ laughter ] that's how scared i was. we played "blazing saddles" for the executives of warner brothers, who shall be nameless-- ted ashley, jack. [ laughter ] >> easy, easy. easy. e-easy, there. easy, there. >> as a matter of fact, i-i loved them both, and they both-- >> love you. >> saved the picture, 'cause there were big fights. and they pushed it through. and-- but they watched-- you know, these-these are clinicians. these are professional people. they're not laughing like-like jews for happiness. >> right. >> you know what i mean? they're not-- or germans, for killing. they're just-- you

they're just enjoying-- they're just enjoying their craft. >> right. >> so, it's not important for them to laugh. they're saying, "will this make money? should we release it? should we put advertising--" ya know? >> tomorrow's tuesday. >> and this is "blazing saddles." and they're saying to cleavon little, "how about a... work song?" ya know? and he sings, "i get no kick--" you know, and no lau-- no laugh. no laugh. the bean scene, on the-- nothing, and-- "mmm. interesting, interesting. bent over a little too much. mmm." and then-- and the-- and the whole-- the whole fight, when we pulled back and revealed the world, you know what. go into the fire, the-- i saw johnny carson at the fox-- wilshire theater, sitting with a very strange-- no, it was your wife. >> it was my wife. joanna. >> and, he left his seat, and went under two aisles , uh, when that monologue went to the fire. really like it. >> leaned over, to light the cigar , in the fire. >> in that screening, i-i t-- there was no lau-- and it was-- i was just, you know, ice. >> so, it shows you it's all right. >> no, i said to mike hertzberg, the producer, "let's try a human being." so, that night, we got-- [ laughter ]

>> 200-200 secretaries came with their husbands and their girlfriends, their boyfriends, and they all packed in, together, to a room at warner brothers, and we played "blazing saddles," and it was a chagall painting. they left their seats, they swam, they turned over sideways. they laughed, they were screamin'. i said, "ah! oh! we-we did not make a mistake. we-we-- it is funny." you know what i mean? >> right. >> but it was very scary, at the beginning. and then, little by little, you know, it turned ou-- turned out to be a very big-- when they play music, next time, he's finished. [ chuckling ] >> he's finished, 'cause he has to do that with pencils. >> we have to-- we have to leave. but we're coming right back. >> okay.

[ applause ] [ music ] [ applause ] [ cheers ] [ applause ] >> when you were a kid-- >> the-the skinny ends are better. the fat ends, you save the sticks, you know what i mean? >> right.

>> you play the chance, you know? we're talking about drumming, 'cause you took lessons, when you were a kid, from buddy rich. >> you lived in >> in brighton beach. h-- oh, he-- the best. buddy-- right? buddy. tops and taps. >> tops and taps. >> and you're a very good drummer. >> oh, no, i just fool around. >> you have time, you have tempo. no offense. [ laughter ] >> i found out, when i was very young-- i did. yes. >> and no timing. but that's all right. [ laughter ] >> but i make up for it, because i have a-- my drum lights up-- bass drum, with a mount on it. >> the only thing you make up for is that you know mel lewis. otherwise, forget about it. >> true. [ laughter ] >> yeah. just for the band. i'm still working in the mountains for the band, right? sorry, folks. they give me no inside shtick, from now on. just our stuff, you know what i mean? [ laughter ] >> you ever see-- you see carl, all the time, don't you? carl reiner? >> anybody have a green dodge? wait. uh. carl-- i see carl-- >> you see all the guys from the old show? howie morris? >> howie mo-- ugh. how i miss him! howie morris is directing some of the best commercials on television-- the mcdonald commercials. >> does he do those? >> that's howie morris, right. he's terrific. howie morris was-was my victim,

he's my-- god made pigeons, he made little doves, and he made howie mars. [ laughter ] >> and he said, "they shall be called prey." >> prey? >> right. >> yes. "they shall be called prey." and then he made wolves and foxes and tigers-- "and they shall be called melvin." [ laughter ] and i went in-- the minute i saw howie, on "the show of shows" they introduced me to-- i-i went for his neck. you know, i-i couldn't help it. he's just-- you have to go for him. anyway, i met howie, and we went out, and we had lunch, and we were walking down in the village near mcdougal -- i said, my mind, i said, "this would be a splendid place for a robbery." bang! i hit him. i smacked him against a yellow buick. i said, "gimme your wallet, gimme your-your ring, your watch-- every-- your mon--" he didn't know me that well. he said, "wait, a minute. are you kid--" "i'm not kidding. i want everything! [ laughter ] "gimme--" "all right!" his wallet-- "okay, don't hit. don't hit." gave me his wedding ring-- every-- i went back. i got a call from sid-- why did ya--" i said, "i robbed him." he said, "well-well--" [ laughter ] >> i said, "just tell him i'm a

it, because i act even more angry." one month-- [ laughter ] >> don't bring it up. >> for a month, he didn't bring it up. he was afraid. a month later, he said, "mel, do you remember, uh, we were walking down mcdougal alley, and you-you gave me a whack! you know, you hurt me, and you took my wedding ring and my-- i can't drive my car. i leave my license--" "oh! i'm sorry, howie." hey, i gave him ev-- uh, everything back. he was a cute guy. every-- i gave everything back. two years later, we're rolling in central park, late, under a-- i s-- under a bridge-- i said, "this is a perfect--" [ laughter ] pow! [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ laughter ] >> he gave me his watch, his wedding ring. [ laughter ] >> he walked-- he put his shoes around his neck and he walked to shore. [ laughter ] when-- i love him. he's a won-wonderful guy. i can't-- he doesn't-- if he's not watching this show, tonight, i will rob him, in six months. [ laughter ] >> we're coming right back.