[ upbeat funk music plays ] hey, thelma! turn down that noise in there! thelma: what?! i said, "turn down that noise in there"! [ music stops ] what you yelling for? you made me make a mistake. so, what's the big deal? everything you paint is a mistake. that's the same thing rembrandt's wife said to him. i don't know whether he divorced her or punched her in her big mouth!

my name ain't jack, and i don't get scared by no beanstalk! thelma, where's my gold paint? how should i know where your gold paint is? 'cause every time it's missing, you come up with a new pair of psychedelic dungarees. you can never find nothing. now i know why you can't paint -- you can't see! hey, j.j.! hey, michael. what you painting there? hey, that's the street hustler. don't you know what today is? yeah, blue monday... followed by broke tuesday... followed by disastrous wednesday. from there the rest of the week go downhill. today's the beginning of black history week. sweet daddy williams is black. but you should be painting someone more relevant to black history. "relevant"? are you jiving? sweet daddy williams owns three apartment houses, two cadillacs, and a lincoln.

and ain't never been to jail. he's the same dude that got shot five times and ran seven miles to the hospital. now, if that ain't black history, i don't know what is. the pan-african council is sponsoring an art show this week. if you had a better painting, you might win a prize. if i can get sweet daddy williams together, we just may make that scene. but first i got to go downtown and get some art supplies. how you gonna get art supplies? you don't have any money. never bothered robin hood. you better not let mama hear you say that. wow! out of sight! this is fantastic! when did you paint this, j.j.? what? this? oh, last week. what is it? i call it "black jesus." "black jesus."

groovy, super, heavy! yeah! relax, michael. it's only a painting, not the second coming. hey, mike. what's happening? nothing. hey, thelma. how do you like this? what is it? don't show your ignorance! this is "black jesus." "black jesus," my foot. that's ned the wino. you mean the dude who's always walking up and down the street, drinking wine and preaching? ned the wino, better known as the ghetto prophet. yeah, he's always predicting the end of the world and asking for a dime for some wine so he can die happy. [ laughs ] which he does every night. j.j., you sure know how to pick your models -- a wino jesus. it's only a symbol of jesus. hey, j.j. you should enter this into the exhibit. no way! now, sweet daddy williams here is one of a kind. just a few finishing touches,

[ sighs ] sure is a shame to keep this in the closet. hey, since both are just symbols of jesus, a black family should have a black symbol. if mama sees that there, she gonna kill you. no, she ain't. jesus may have your soul, but mama gonna have your behind. [ door opens ] you gone now, baby. thelma, put that magazine down and get in that kitchen and clean it up! hi, mama! how's things down in the laundry room? well, i had a chat with princess grace and elizabeth taylor. the princess was rinsing her husband's shorts, and liz was waiting for her diamonds to dry. now move out of my way. i got work to do. but, mama, what about the -- honey, why do you keep jumping up in my face?

well, i hope the spacelab is out of the way because i am just about to go into orbit! i don't have to ask who hung this here, michael evans. but before i hang you in its place, why? mama, it's just a symbol of jesus. well, hello, symbol... and goodbye. but j.j. painted him. don't finger me, michael. i had him in the closet where he wasn't performing no miracles for nobody. mama, couldn't we at least let "black jesus" hang alongside... forget it. the only jesus i know is him! and the one thing he don't need is a partner. mama, how do we know jesus wasn't black? he could have been from the lost tribe of israel. they were supposed to be black. i bet they were.

now, just hush up -- both of you! this picture has been in my family for as long as i can remember. when i was a baby, i don't know what i saw first -- my mama, my papa, or this jesus. now, he's the one i know and love, so let's close the subject. if jesus was black, the bible would have said so. but it does say so. what are you talking about?! i read about it. um, it's in revelations 1:14. i read about it in "mohammed speaks." it says, uh... oh. "his hair is like wool, and his eyes are like flame of fire." well, lord have mercy. it sure do say that, don't it? and, see, mama? look at that hair -- like wool, ain't it? and look at them eyes -- red like fire!

junior, how come you decided to paint this? i don't know. all of a sudden, i just had divine thoughts on my mind. and for j.j., that's a first. what, having divine thoughts? no, having a mind. i guess i ought to be grateful for j.j. having jesus on his mind in any color. then we can hang him on the wall, mama? well, now, i -- please, mama. all right. but just for black history week. after that, he comes down. good, i'll go get a hook for it. hi, i'm willona. fly me. fly me straight to the kitchen, pour me a cup of coffee, and make it like i like my men -- hot, black, and strong. willona, don't you ever come in without making a joke? no.

5'1", 250 pounds, bald-headed, with 8 pair of hands... all working at the same time. one of them, huh? whoo. well, at least you had a night out. where did he take you? to see "the day of the dolphin." do you know what it's like watching a dolphin while you're trying to fight off an octopus? your old man not home yet? no. which one of his three underpaid jobs is he working overtime on? he had to take off from work this afternoon and go down to the internal revenue. they gonna audit him. thanks, baby. audit him? what for? they disallow him the use of his yacht for business? i don't know what's going on. they said in the letter that they claim he owes them $110. you got to be kidding.

mm-hmm. i wonder what kind of deduction he put on his return? "took israel to lunch." hi, willona. hi. what you got there? this is "black jesus." oh, that's nice. he's hanging there for black history week. junior painted him. thelma, when i sent you into the kitchen, i told you to clean, not lean! junior, what made you paint "black jesus"? his face came to me in a vision. mmm. it seems to be coming to me in a vision, too. it's ned the wino. uh-oh. would you say that again?

i meant her. i said it's ned the wino. no wonder his eyes are red like fire. have no fear because santa claus is here! hey, daddy! what you got there?! dy-no-mite! thelma, this is for you. and this is for my little man. you ready? set? hut, hut! [ laughs ] and j.j., here you go, man. out of sight! thanks, dad. mm-hmm. hey, cool! a new pair of sneakers. just what you need for your next protest march, huh? too much! i may wear these outside my clothes! james, i want to know where you got the money. wait, baby, i got one more magic trick for you. now, just turn around and close your eyes. james. turn around and close your eyes, baby. oh, all right. now, just keep your eyes closed. ohh. hush, hush.

james... this is the coat i wanted! what did you do, james -- go partners with the chicago police? i love having a coat to keep me warm, but i don't want one that's hot. this money come right from the internal revenue. i thought you owed them. i did, and i paid them out of what they owed me. you remember last year all that money we spent on that operation you had? well, baby, it turned out that that money was what they call a medical deduction. after i finished paying them, i still walked out the door with 140 big ones. [ all cheering ] i tell you, i can't believe it.

hey, ma! dad! you'll never guess -- something i always wanted. what is it? you know larry williams? he asked me to go to the isaac hayes concert tonight. you know, the larry williams asked me! oh, ma, can i go? it's all right with me. okay. oh. thanks, ma. i'm so happy. this is my lucky day! it's still don't mean a thing. it don't, huh? looks to me like "black jesus" is doing his thing real good. thelma going to an isaac hayes concert don't exactly compare to the miracle of the loaves and the fishes. daddy, i'm gonna be the foxiest sister at the concert. i know you will be, baby. oh, thanks, brother! [ laughs ] i hope you're proud of yourself, james.

baby, all i know is things are finally getting together. the evans family's starting to get some luck. james, luck is not what jesus was sent to us for. he was sent to us to teach us humility when things are going good and faith to carry through when things are bad. now, get this straight. jesus has nothing to do with luck. hey, man! your number hit! your number came in! 25 pennies gets you 150 of the long green. ooh, have mercy. go on now. oh, "b.j.," you really got us a roll going, baby! james, you know that's just another coincidence. anyway, you promised you wouldn't gamble. this ain't gambling.

ain't no chance of me crapping out. you talking that way, there's every chance of me walking out. i know you wouldn't leave me now... not just when things are starting to go good. that's the best time. i love you too much to leave you when it's going bad. florida, i got something to tell you. is it good news? yeah. don't tell me. what's happening, willona? well, that good luck hanging there is seeping right through the walls into my apartment. i just got a call from the octopus, asking me for another date. that don't sound like good news. well, it is. i just found out he owns a gas station. now i'll be able to say those three little words. i love you? no, fill 'er up! you cashing in, too, huh, willona? i just hit the number.

"black jesus," you really turning it on, honey. don't you two understand? it's still just a few other coincidences. i just got $5! oh, no!! "b.j." did it! where did you get $5 from? well, i was walking down the street, and there was this accident. and the guy in the car gave me $2 to say that the guy in the truck did it. and the guy in the truck gave me $3 to say that the guy in the car did it. did you see the accident? no. then why didn't you give those people their money back? i tried to, mama, but by then, a cop came, and nobody wanted no money back. hey, thelma! i just got $5! great, michael. well, how do i look? this is what i'm gonna wear tonight. ooh, honey. let me look at you. you look just like i looked... five years ago.

10. mmm? 15, and that's my last offer. yeah, thelma, you look just fine. ain't nobody gonna be looking at isaac hayes at that concert tonight. look here. take $5 spending money. james, she already got enough money to go on a date with a boy -- a dollar and a dime. a dime to call me if she needs me, and a dollar to get home if she can't reach me. a dollar and a dime, hell. keep the 5. let the boy know he's going out with a rich man's daughter. thanks, dad! well, i'm gonna go back to my place and wait for some more good news. maybe they'll call to tell me that my ex-husband's double hernia came back... and i'm getting custody of the trust. well, what you got to say now, woman? just one thing. hmm? i've had it with everybody believing in this.

let him perform his miracle of the mothballs. no, "black jesus" is going back up on the wall where he's gonna continue to perform the miracle of the evans' family. james, you ca-- now, that's final, baby. look here, you got any other explanation for all this good luck we've been having? yes, i have. has it ever occurred to you that this is the first time this family sat down for more than five seconds discussing the lord? maybe that's why all your good things are happening. baby, i'm not putting down what you believe in. but i also ain't giving up the first good thing i ever had going for me. all you got going for you is superstition. you call it what you want, but, baby, it's working. now, look, i got an interview for a job tomorrow, and it's a good one and steady. maybe this time they won't turn me down 'cause i only got a sixth-grade education. florida, i got a feeling i'm gonna get it. and with "black jesus'" help, baby, i could work myself up to foreman... then plant manager, then owner of the factory.

i'll settle for foreman, "b.j." you ought to settle for a straitjacket. what are you saying? look, james, don't you know? i'm wishing all the best for you, too. when you go on that job interview tomorrow, i'll be praying for you. baby, you can pray all you want. now, he ain't gonna hurt, but he's gonna help! [ thelma and michael shouting indistinctly ] would you stop that noise? you all hush with that noise! hush the noise now! hey, junior. how'd it go? i didn't even enter. when i got there, eight other dudes had a painting of the unique sweet daddy williams. i think he's this month's "jet" magazine's centerfold. hey, j.j., did anybody have a painting like this? no. like i told you in the first place, this is the one you should enter. the pan-african council would really dig it. maybe you're right, michael. maybe that's the kind of jive they go for. now, wait a minute, junior.

but, dad, it's his best shot. it's my best shot, too, son. i need him here, junior. he's made things happen for me. you got a lot of other paintings, son. there must be something else you can enter. nothing else as good. well, you're gonna have to find something, junior, 'cause my luck ain't leaving this wall. j.j. couldn't win a prize with any of his paintings, anyway. that's how much you know. j.j. has real talent. yeah? well, if he's got real talent, how come he never sold anything? he will. just give him time. he's had lots of time, but nothing's ever happened. he said he was gonna be star of the basketball team, and the coach dropped him after the first practice. that's only because he was too tall. when he jumped, his nose got caught in the net. there, he's clumsy. that's enough of that, children. he's not supposed to be an athlete. he's an artist! an artist?! he's an amateur who -- thelma! that's enough of you putting your brother down. no, ma. maybe thelma's right.

you need a whole bunch of talent and training for that. i ain't even close. now, you hold on just one minute, junior. you my son, and the last thing i ever want to hear you doing is running down your own thing. now, painting is your thing, ain't it? well, i want it to be. well, all right, then paint on. what you gonna do, james? i know what i'm doing. just let me deal with this. here, son. you take this down to the art show, and you take it down there proud 'cause you got just as much chance of winning as any of the rest of them cats. but what about your luck? junior, that's your painting. it ain't mine. i ain't got no right to it. don't just sit there with your butt glued to the chair! get up and get to stepping! yes, sir! thanks, dad! all right. uh, junior? you think maybe you could get it xeroxed? don't that make you feel good? yeah, baby.

if i had waited another half-hour before i got rid of "black jesus." by then the results would be in from the last race at hialeah.

watching the asphalt grow thinking how it all looks hand-me-down good times yeah, yeah

times anytime you need a payment good times anytime you need a friend good times anytime you're out from under not getting hassled, not getting hustled keeping your head above water making a wave when you can temporary layoffs good times easy credit rip-offs good times scratching and surviving good times hanging in a chow line good times ain't we lucky we got 'em?

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