[ theme music ] >> thank you. >> high-o! >> thank you very much. thank you very much. that's nice. [ cheers and applause ] >> you -- you think this is good you ought to see what is going on behind that curtain. [ laughter ] >> boy what a nice group. >> great crowd. >> yeah, just in from the news desk, the mount st. helen's ski lifts will be closed due to hot snow. [ laughter ] >> we have a great show tonight. this is a fantastic booking. >> yeah. >> bette davis and richard pryor. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. >> see they both have been up

[ laughter ] >> are you winds of war out already? you been watched winds of war? boy, it's long -- i survived world war ii, but i'm not sure i'm going to make it through this. [ laughter ] >> tonight's episode is the big dramatic one. during a battle scene an army corpsman raises bob mitchum's eyelids to full mast. [ laughter ] >> and alley mcgraw has her big moment in a face-to-face confrontation with hitler, she says war is never having to say you are sorry. [ laughter ] >> for those of you who missed the first three episodes of winds of war, maybe i should bring you up to date. it's the story -- so far it is a nice jewish girl in her 30's. finds love and happiness, during war world ii, traveling through europe, or

jewish doctor and spending the rest of her life in safety in blooming dale's basement. [ laughter ] >> basically is the plot, you can catch it with the rest of it tonight. [ laughter ] >> last night's episode, robert mitchum met hitler and mussolini and you know what occurred to me? if john wayne would have had that part, he would have killed them all and won the war in a one-hour special. [ cheers and applause ] >> it would have been all over. [ cheers and applause ] it would have been a one-hour mini series. [ laughter ] >> let's get off of that. as you probably know, the democrats and republicans are already squaring off for the 1984 presidential election. it will be called the war of winds. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> brace yourselves. [ applause ] >> our vice president, george bush is -- you don't hear much about george, he is over in

tour of seven nations there, and you see, the vice president doesn't get the first class -- he wasn't fly air force one. he doesn't get the luxury like the president. and it's embarrassing to see the vice president of the united states with a knapsack standing on the autobahn, holding a sign that says geneva. [ laughter ] >> bush as you probably know, is in germany, and he tried to emulate jfk's famous speech. remember that one where jfk says i am a berliner. unfortunately bush was in frankfort. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> it came out kind of silly. i'm a frankfurter. [ laughter ] >> here is some news that may not surprise you. it was in the paper today they made a study of living conditions in 170 nations throughout the world and what

as having the worst conditions in the world? >> l.a. >> no. [ laughter ] >> iran. iran, iran came out on the -- yeah, the low part of the scale. i understand it so bad when the iranians want to cheer up they take a princess cruise on the love canal. [ laughter ] >> you think our economy is bad in this country? over there in their mouse traps they put iou's. [ laughter ] >> the iranian sanitation department suffered a major setback last month. their goat died. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> three. [ laughter ] >> you know what country is in bad shape when the sewers have diving boards. [ laughter ] >> anyway. [ laughter ] >> any young one lives. [ laughter ] >> um -- [ laughter ]

did you see his speech? they told the national press club that he will not be a candidate for president. he dropped out of the race before he even announced he was running. why can't a smart like that run for president? i like that. [ laughter ] >> did you see who is getting married? david stockman. our budget director of the united states is going to marry a girl by the name jennifer blei, in washington. firstly i'm glad to see david stockman finally getting married. now he is going to find out what real spending is. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> wait until he tries to cut her social programs. [ laughter ] >> and i'll bet not many of you know that today a william henry harrison's birthday. the ninth president of the united states. he holds the record for one thing, he was the shortest-term of all american presidents, he was in office 32 days. did you know that? >> no. >> yeah, he was the first

he never really got to find out with harrison-no mics was going to work. [ laughter ] >> now, for the wild light of the day, and i'm only reporting this, i'm not making it up. it was in the paper, there have been some incidents of people who bought boxes of cracker jacks -- have you read the item? and several people instead of the regular price, have found a little pamphlet, giving sexual positions. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> in boxes of cracker jacks. now that beats the prize i used to get. i used to get a plastic whistle with a pea in it. [ laughter ] >> and in a related incident, a woman in the valley opened a box of birth control pills and found a tiny harmonica. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> anyway -- [ applause ] >> anyway, along with miss davis

mr. t. will be out here to plug his new book, "how i cured my dandruff problem." [ laughter ] so thank you for coming and we'll be back in just a minute. [ cheers and applause ] [ music ] >> how are you? what do we have here? >> oh, it's a the chinese year of the bore. [ speaking chinese ] >> is that how's pronounce in chinese? >> uh-huh. [ speaking chinese ] >> and that's the chinese happy new year, right? >> yeah. >> what is your name? >> dana. >> hi dana, how are you? >> hi. >> all ready. and here is how la choy can make it a good one.

[ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] [ music ] [ laughter ] [ applause ]

[ cheers and applause ] >> i'm looking forward to the show tonight. >> that is quite a combination. >> i'm looking forward to the show tonight. bette davis and richard pryor, that should be fun. we handed out cards since valentine's day is a week away -- >> monday. >> this coming monday? >> uh huh. >> we wanted to find out what was our audience's mind. [ laughter ] >> luckily is briefly, three cards we handed it out. complete this sentence, love means? -- and the second question we ask, if you could pick anyone in the world to be your valentine, who would they be and why? and what is your favorite romantic fantasy? i cannot read all of these cards [ laughter ] >> without having the show being busted. [ laughter ] >> you don't have to yell out where you are if you don't want it, jim ferguson? are you here jim? >> here. >> here is what jim says. love means never having to leave the money on the pillow. [ laughter ] [ applause ]

>> what a warm, warm sentiment. >> yes. [ laughter ] >> brenda coleman. [ cheers ] >> thank you, brenda. love means never having to clean up the dog mess, particularly after it just rained. [ laughter ] i think that's willie nelson's latest hit, isn't it? [ music ] never have to clean up the dog mess after it rained. patty evans. [ screaming ] >> oh, geez. that's a scream. >> love means always havto i'm sorry. [ laughter ] >> lady is dating the three stooges, i think. [ laughter ] >> richard tilden, is that right? richard? love means cleaning snow off of the car and warming it up before she leaves for work. >> oh! >> that is love.

>> warming what up? [ laughter ] >> oh, the car. [ laughter ] >> shirley -- i can't read that. complete that love means for sure, for sure, for sure, daddy, and no growth acne, gag me with a spoon. [ laughter ] >> is valley -- >> that's a valley girl. >> that's from jerry brown. i know it. [ laughter ] >> love means take off your jeans. [ laughter ] >> not having to say sorry about hitting you last night, dear. [ laughter ] >> we have a warm group here tonight. [ laughter ] >> love means keeping your hands off of my cookies. [ laughter ] >> says sheryl. ruth starbalk, is that right, ruth? >> yes, starbrand.

love means always be there when he or she needs you, sharing the good and the bad, being faithful and honest with each other. that's nice. >> that is nice. >> you left out, not turning the dog into -- >> yeah. [ applause ] [ laughter ] >> obviously somebody is married here. cleaning his hair out of the drain. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> it's the little things in marriage that will -- that will get you sooner or later. leaving the cap off of the toothpaste. loves means eating liver worst three times a day. [ laughter ] >> now let's see here, if you can pick anyone for your valentine who would it be. susie mcseeman. is that right, susie? >> susie? >> yeah. >> oh this sounds a little -- she says johnny carson who i would haven't to wait in these lines. [ laughter ] [ applause ]

and why? my husband john -- oh is this the same lady, ruth? -- my husband, john, because he brought me all the way from madison, connecticut to see the tonight show. >> oh! >> isn't that sweet. >> that's nice. [ applause ] >> mary lee mccullens -- >> mckovens. >> mckoves? i would pick tommy newsom because he is so cute and cuddly of a teddy bear. >> tommy is not here tonight. >> he always has the hormones of a teddy bear too. [ laughter ] >> shelley winters because i know there would always be plenty of chocolates on hand. [ laughter ] >> cool audience. [ laughter ] some of these are -- i can't really -- [ laughter ] >> gasper? >> that's a different question. >> yeah -- what is your favorite romantic fantasy. this is from gasper, is that right? >> yeah. >> is that a gentleman? >> yeah.

have your wife come before your show comes on. she stays up every night to watch you, and i get cheated on my sex life. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> well, gasper you'll just have to put on a better show than i do. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> lynn sponda. >> lynn? >> yeah. >> romantic fantasy to be on a deserted island with just me and my lover standing under a waterfall. that's kind of sweet, in lieu of that you can stand on almeida boulevard and wait for the bus. [ laughter ] >> miley worshmire. is that right? >> yeah. >> what is your favorite

in a room full of men. especially older. [ laughter ] >> that's our producer fred decordova's dream. >> that's right. [ laughter ] >> sherry, i can't read the last name, sherry, something with an s? >> silvack. >> what? >> silvack. >> you are shelley? [ laughter ] >> or is shelley with you? [ laughter ] >> waking up in a huge heart-shaped bathtub with johnny carson surrounded with candles, espousing the most beautiful monologue in the universal language -- [ laughter ] >> the language of love. [ laughter ] >> that's -- that's kind of your fantasy too isn't it? >> yeah.

[ applause ] >> put that one over there. [ laughter ] >> what is your favorite romantic fantasy? chocolate syrup. [ laughter ] >> i don't think we should -- >> these are the ones you are read, right? >> joe romity, being in my own bed with my own wife. [ laughter ] >> now you are talking. >> in california that's a misdemeanor. [ laughter ] >> no, it's not. what's you favorite romance fantasy -- i'm cinderella scrubbing the floor and a rich prince comes and sweeps me off of my feet. do you have a romantic fantasy? >> not really. how about you? other than the tub and the candles. >> no, no. i do, but it's a -- >> well tell us, tell us about it. is it the oatmeal? >> no, this involves a forklift truck and five eurasian girls. very, very weird. >> and it takes place on the

>> no, no, no. anyway, in just a moment bette davis will join us, and richard pryor is here tonight. but first here is some more good news from our

[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, doc. [ cheers and applause ] >> this list that i'm holding here is the list of the pictures that bette davis has made. it goes on and on and on, and it's such a great pleasure to introduce her. her career speaks for itself. and the high quality of her work, during her career speaks for herself. she has given everybody in the world so much pleasure, and she will star with jimmy stewart in a film which will on home box office later this year. i don't know if you knew this or not, she made an album in england in 1976, which is again available in record stores called miss bette davis sings. would you welcome, please,

[ cheers and applause ] [ music ] >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> i like the way they feel. [ laughter ] >> thank you! >> johnny? >> yes, ma'am? >> this is a red rose. it has a lot to do with valentine's day. you are not forced to be my valentine.

also this is to thank you for the night i was ill and couldn't come, and you made it very clear, that i was ill, as indeed i was, and i finally realized you have a hit show. [ laughter ] >> i really got so many get well cards from your show -- >> that's great. >> you do not believe it. and any of those -- any of you who sent me some of those, oh, i do thank you very much. >> well isn't that sweet. >> happy valentine's. >> thank you very much. [ applause ] >> knowing you only -- only illness kept you off the show that night. >> oh, yes, yes. i have a very yanky thing about not promising and not doing, and it was just -- i -- i actually had that flu bug for four weeks. >> right. are you feeling good now?

>> i was thinking today the last time you were on this show -- >> you know how long ago, you know they told me backstage. >> i can't believe it. >> we must be bitter enemies. >> i said was it something i said. >> ten years ago. >> 1972. >> 1972. >> did i do something wrong? >> i don't -- it's too long ago to remember. [ laughter ] >> i remember you had made an album, and then somebody told me about it. you made this in 1976, recorded it in england. >> yes, with norman at emi. and he wanted to make a record with me for years and i have done lots of music in my life, two musicals in the theater -- i'm either too young or too old -- but there are many other songs on this, and i had always wanted to make an lp. >> yeah. >> so i had the opportunity, but nobody in america bought it until now. >> isn't that strange? >> so now -- well, i thought it was terrible. [ laughter ] >> i was absolutely livid. as a matter of fact, i asked to

you did not ask me. i just want you to know that. [ laughter ] >> because i'm a saleslady tonight. i'm hoping that maybe this will help people buy this record if they know it's around. >> right. >> citadel records, i must give the whole -- >> including songs from -- >> must give the whole name of the company. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> which i don't really remember. and i must do it properly if i'm a saleslady. >> certainly. >> some of the songs are including songs from whatever happened to baby jane. >> oh, yes, citadel records, division of [ uneditable ] now also i had to give up -- i had to give up signing this album at tower records in westwood that same week. >> when you were ill? >> i am going to do it this saturday, westwood, tower records. now interestingly enough, do you

these shows to sell anything? >> no, i don't think you have. >> i haven't. not to sell a film. i just don't believe in selling yourself. but this record, i would be so thrilled if people bought it, because -- [ laughter ] >> no. >> you want to be a bullet on the charts, don't you? >> yep. because i was so incensed with emi that they just dumped this record, so that's what would please me, vengeance. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's what i like. vengeance is mine. >> vengeance is mine. >> that's what i like is honesty right up. we'll take a break, we're coming back. we have a lot of things

[ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> we are back. thank you, doc. [ cheers and applause ] >> when was the -- the first time you sang in a film? do you remember?

too young or too old. >> right. >> and mr. lesser and mr. arthur schwartz came to me and said they had an idea for me to do a musical number. i roared with laughter, walked out and said thanks a lot. but finally in the long run i did it. because that number was during the war, and that was a hit. that was the top of -- we both remember the lucky strike parade that was on for years. and that was the top number for ten solid weeks. >> right. >> yes. but of course, what words -- i mean, how can you get better? >> yes. you have been described as a -- a legend, an extraordinary actress. how -- how would you like to be best remembered? >> as a good worker. [ laughter ] >> just a good solid -- >> i have adored the work. my -- my goal was never the marvelous good fortune

that was never my goal. my goal was to do the best i could, and i just adored the work. >> right. when -- when you were criticized, and i suppose there are times all performers and artists have been criticized -- >> actually if you were never criticized, if everybody says she is just -- that's a very nice actress, good actress, you have had it. you must have -- pros, and you must have cons. >> right. >> and heaven knows i had lot of cons, there's no question. >> i don't remember many of those. >> yes, yes, many people. when i did my show in london, a wonderful english woman got up and said i'm here alone tonight because my husband hates you! [ laughter ] >> well, lady was honest. >> i said you just go right home and tell him join the club there are many to do. [ laughter ] >> that gets kind of hard

[ laughter ] >> i was looking at the list of pictures you have made. there have got to be over a hundred motion pictures here. >> well it's certainly in the area of a hundred. i lost count. >> you had two academy awards, ten nominations, and everyone of them for best actress. i'm supporting. that's incredible -- >> i was disappointed about a couple i didn't get. >> really? >> i always wanted to be the first one that got three. miss hepburn beat me. >> ah! [ laughter ] >> and you still enjoy working? >> yes. >> is the challenge still there? >> not the same challenge. >> yeah, of course. >> of course, not the same challenge. basically, i did it. you know? but once i get started working, if it's -- for instance, like this picture with jimmy stewart. this was a thrill, because to work with him, we never ever had it. and it was just like

once -- once i get beyond the makeup and the hours and taking the makeup off when you get home at night, which is the worst bore of all. when i'm on the set working i love it. but i do not get up and jump with joy at 6:00 in the morning. [ laughter ] >> you are not a nice person at 6:00 in the morning, you are saying. >> no, i'm nice, but i don't jump for joy. [ laughter ] >> i begged ted wilder to make a film with me. oh, for so many years after he retired, and he said i have had every morning of my life getting up at 6:00, and i will never do it again. and those are the things that finally -- it doesn't bother you when you are working hard to accomplish a goal. but it isn't the same thrill. i have to admit that. >> right. >> but i do always hope still that it is good. i haven't sat back and said people have great respect for you and it doesn't matter what you do.

>> you still have to have pride? >> i still have to do it as well as i can. >> were there any actors or actresses that influenced you specifically at any time? >> i don't know if influenced me. one of the passions of my life, of course, was anna magnani, absolutely, and she has sort of the same reputation in her country that i finally ended up in mine. so i always said there was one in each country. >> right. >> influenced, i don't -- i don't have a memory of being actually influenced. >> right. >> i always wanted to have katherine hepburn's gorgeous face. i would look at mine and say why can't you look like that divine woman. so that kind of envy i may have had, but i don't think i was influenced which that's probably a very conceded remark. >> no, but look at the people-- >> went my own way, i just must have gone my own way, i guess. >> look at the people who probably had envy you and