- yeah? what about? - your english grades. evidently you're doing fine in all your engineering courses, but you're very shaky in english. - ohhhh, maybe a little. (audience laughs) but how important is that really? i'm good in all the subjects that count. i'm gonna be an engineer, not a writer. - [margaret] bud, you have to be able to express yourself no matter what you do. and besides, if you flunk english, you can't graduate and you can't get an engineering degree. - i'll pass english, don't worry. - [margaret] not the way you're going you won't. now the dean suggested that we hire a tutor to help you in english. - a tutor? mom, that's for kids. - oh, not necessarily. - mom, i see teachers all day long. i don't want to have too face one every night too. (audience laughs) some old fuddy duddy. - [margaret] it won't be. it'll be a student. now the dean gave me a list of five recommended tutors. you know, they're just bright students

fred orman. - fred orman? i don't want that square hanging around here. - emily trabert. - [bud] a girl? no, mom, that's even worse. - robert waters. - this tutor jazz is out, mom. - alice krout. - i'll work hard. - nelda freemont! (violin music) (audience laughs) - what was that last name? - nelda freemont. know her? - i don't know. i may have seen her once or twice. i've been thinking. maybe i do need a tutor. (audience laughs) - of course you do, bud. and the dean said you should do something about this before it's too late. - oh yeah, well he's right. so i'll, i'll submit to it.

let's see, i ... well, i guess any of those cats will do. you might try that nelda person there. (audience laughs) - all right, i'll call the dean right now and have him make the arrangements. we'd better start this tonight if possible. while you're in a cooperative mood. (audience laughs) what's all this? - wilmer and i are studying in the den. - oh (chuckles). oh. (cheery music) (audience laughs) (jim laughs) - how come he's so happy over this tutor idea? or do you suppose he's forgotten his first session is tonight and he thinks he's going out on a date? - oh no, i'm sure he knows that ms. freemont's coming. she should be here now, in fact. i don't understand his attitude either. at first he was dead set against it, then suddenly he switched. (audience laughs)

(doorbell rings) - yes, you're so right. - hello. - hello. - i'm nelda freemont. (audience laughs) oh, yes, nelda. come on in, nelda. i'm bud's father. - how do you do? - how do you do? this is his mother. - how do you do, mrs. anderson? - hello, nelda. we've been looking forward to meeting you. i hope you won't find your new pupil too difficult. - oh, i'm sure i won't. - hi, nelda! (comical music) (audience laughs) i'd like you to meet my father and my -- - we've met. - oh. well, well, i ... guess we better get to the drudgery then. (audience laughs) let's see, the den would probably be the best place to work. so let's go split a few infinitives, shall we?

- yes, will you excuse us? (cheerful music) (audience laughs) (jim laughs) - now i understand bud's sudden eagerness in academic life. (audience laughs) to think she has brains too.

- and i also checked with your english teacher you do all this research on a perfect car then smash it into a tree. your insurance company raises your rates. maybe you should have done more research on them. for drivers with accident forgiveness, liberty mutual won't raise your rates due to your first accident. just one of the many features that comes standard with our base policy. call for a free quote today. see car insurance in a whole new light.

to find out what your class is currently studying and to try to determine what your particular weakness is. - oh, well i can tell you what my particular weakness is. blue eyes. (audience laughs) - i looked over some samples of your work and i would say your difficulty is largely lack of application and perhaps poor study habits. both of which i'm sure we can remedy if you'll cooperate with me. - oh, i'll cooperate. - good. now, you have (mumbling) (audience laughs)

- you mean right now? - of course. now first you'll need a subject. do you have any good ideas? - yeah, i've got a good idea. let's, let's take a breather and slip down to the malt shop. (audience laughs) - thanks, but we don't have time. i'm hired for just one hour three evenings a week and we have to make the most of these evenings. - that's what i'm trying to do. (audience laughs) - you can use this typewriter. i suggest that -- - no, no, that's - from now on you type all your assignments. it'll make your work look much neater than it has in the past. and neatness indicates good work habits. (audience laughs) do you have any typing paper? - yes, i think so. - good. will you sit down? (cheerful music)

- well i think i'll be able to reach it from here. (audience laughs) - okay. now we'll make an outline of course, but first we'll need a topic. now in choosing your topic, you should pick one that you know something about. (cheerful music) - [nelda] well, for our first lesson, i think we've made a good start. - it was a lot of work. - now, i want you to gather material at the library on your topic, follow the outline -- - what? - and have a rough draft ready for our next session. - it's like school. - oh yes, and i want you to read these chapters on construction, topic sentences, and coherence. - gosh, i won't have time to do all that. - make time. you can do it if you budget your time properly. - i think you can stop worrying about her as a tutor. - [bud] i'll try, but that's an awful lot of work. - i think you're right. - [nelda] of course it is, but it'll take a lot of work for you to catch up. goodnight, mrs. anderson, mr. anderson. - oh, goodnight, nelda.

- well, goodnight, bud. - goodnight. - work hard, and i'll see you wednesday night. - yeah, okay. - [betty] how'd the tutoring session work out, junior? - not the way i had planned, i'll tell ya that. - [betty] you're not giving up are you? - [bud] oh no, not me. i'll melt that beautiful slave driver down into a girl. - [betty] oh, sure. - just give me a couple more sessions with her. (betty laughs) - and another thing, bud, your use of relative pronouns is, well ... it's really weird. (audience laughs) i'm sure you know better than this. for example, "unfortunately the boy dropped the package "in some mud, which he was carrying to his mother." (audience laughs) was he carrying mud to his mother? - yes, the old lady needed it for a mud pack. (audience laughs) he was very good to his mother. to his mudder. mudder. (audience laughs) (bud laughs)

- well, they are. they're pronouns he and she, and they're relatives mother and son. (audience laughs) (bud and nelda laugh) very funny, but if you expect to pass english, you have to learn the fundamentals and work, work, work! (audience laughs) now, sit down here and rewrite this whole exercise. (comical music) (audience laughs) - and your writing has shown encouraging progress over the last week. however, you still seem to be having a little trouble with those relative pronouns. this atrocious sentence, for example: "after which the storm abated, leaving only one building "still standing, the house of the indian girl "which was solidly built of adobe." is it the girl who is solidly built? (audience laughs) - come to think of it ... - don't answer that.

our time is running out so you'll have to work, work, work! (violin music) - oh hi, bud, all set for your english class? - yeah. - do you have your assignment ready to hand in? - yeah. - have your book? - yeah. - good. now speak up in class, take part in all the discussions. all these things help. well, i'll see you tonight, i have to run. - yes, mother! - got your pencil, bud? and your crayon? - yeah. - [man in vest] did you wash behind your ears, sonny? (man in vest laughs) (audience laughs) - coming in, bud? - yeah. i'll get even with her if it's the last thing i do. (audience laughs) - i'm afraid you'll just have to do that whole composition over, bud. it's not good. - i'll get right on it. - oh, don't get up. you better keep working.

so, goodnight, bud. - all right. (sad violin music) - wow, lesson for this evening over already? (jim laughs) - [bud] yep. and there's something wrong with her. i'm, i'm losing ground. the only explanation i can think of is that i've got the wrong tutor. maybe you better fire her and get somebody else. i sure don't want to flunk english.

- why? do you think he really means that? - possibly. i've sort of been keeping my eye on this thing and my guess is that he resents her authority over him. - oh my goodness, she has to use authority. that's why we hired her, to tutor him. - true.

but in this case, she also happens to be a girl his own age. a mighty pretty one. - oh, yes she is, but that's no excuse. - well if he continues to lose ground, we may have to get a different tutor, but i'd sure hate to fire nelda. - oh, we couldn't do that. she's worked so hard with bud. i've grown very fond of her. there must be another solution. now there has to be. - mother! is bud home from school yet? - yes he is, but he just left. (audience laughs) - i've got a message for you from nelda. - what does she want? - [betty] she can't make it for your lesson tonight because of some meeting at school, but she doesn't want you to miss out so she's coming over now. - now i'm going bowling with wilmer and joe. - [betty] oh, well i took care of that for you. i saw wilmer and told him that you couldn't go bowling because of nelda. - [bud] well that's the worst thing you could've told him. - why? (phone rings) you know you can't afford to miss any of these sessions with nelda. - hello?

your bowling shoes as long as mother nelda won't let you go. (audience laughs) - what do you mean won't let me go? i'll be there. so what? she's not my boss. i'll be there. - [betty] wait, you can't go. - [bud] well i have to or drop out of the human race. - [betty] but you know how your english grades are falling and you have a final coming up! - well i'll pass some way. i don't need that slave driver. she might've checked with me before she went around changing the schedule. so long! - what do we tell her? - well you can tell her as far as i'm concerned, the tutor has tooted her last toot. (audience laughs) - wait, bud! (doorbell rings) - hello, mr. anderson. - oh, hell, nelda, come in. - did bud get my message? - yes he did, but i'm afraid there's been a mix-up. he ... (car tires screech) just left. - oh.

i was hoping he'd be here because he needs all the help he can get. frankly, i'm worried about him. i'm afraid i'm failing with him in more ways than one. and i've never failed like this before. but i don't know what i'm doing wrong. - no, i'm sure you don't, and i probably don't either, but i have a vague hunch. (jim chuckles) - well if you could give me any advice i'd certainly appreciate it. - well, i'm hardly the one to be giving you advice. i'm not your father and not particularly smart. (jim chuckles) but bud, like all boys, likes to feel important especially where girls are concerned. - well i'm trying to help him be important. to graduate and become an engineer.

- no, but what does that have to do with this? - perhaps nothing (chuckles), but i'm sure a good-looking girl like you has plenty of opportunities. do you discourage them? - no, but ... well, i don't know. most boys seem so shallow, it seems like a waste of time. - well perhaps you don't give them a chance to show you their good qualities. - mr. anderson, dating is not my problem. my only concern now is -- - i know, that's my concern too. the dating is none of my business. my only point is well ... look, you're blessed with both brains and good looks, you're also very self-sufficient, and strong-willed,

wait a minute (chuckles). i've got a wild idea. are you any good at bowling? - bowling? no, i'm not, but what -- - good, i'm not so hot at it myself. (audience laughs) margaret, will you come in here a minute, please? - look, i don't have time to bowl. - well consider it part of your job. honey, i want you to change your clothes. we're all going bowling. - [margaret] bowling? - [jim] nelda too. - daddy, you can't drive nelda down there. - [jim] why not? - [betty] that's where bud is. that'll just make him rebel all the more. - rebel? so that's what it is? now i know i'm not going. - now look here, you just listen to me -- if he's rebelling against me, i'm certainly not going to crawl after him. - but you don't have to. you won't even have to speak to him. you're just going bowling with us! - no, no, i'm not. - jim, what are you trying to accomplish? - i know it sounds crazy. i'll explain on the way down. now you girls start to get ready. (all clamoring) find something for nelda too. and you better hurry, i want to get there before bud leaves. - jim, are you sure you know what you're doing? - probably not. now hurry!

(bowling pins falling down) - oh that nosy -- - you better scram. - scram nothing. i'm staying right here. as far as i'm concerned, she doesn't even exist. - (family and nelda clamoring). - well look who's here! (laughs) hi, bud! how's the game goin'? - just great. - [jim] that's it. - it's not gonna work, dad. - huh? - you're not dragging me home to work with her. i'm through. - who said anything about dragging you home? we're just here for a little recreation. go open your game (chuckles). - come on, let's go, bud. (audience laughs) - come on, show her, bud. - a light one around here somewhere. (crowd and audience laughs) - too heavy? he's getting the shakes. don't be nervous. (audience laughs)

- very good! (chuckles) all right, nelda, you're first! - oh, no, no ... - go on, nelda. - i can't. - there's nothing to it. it's a lot of fun. come on, i'll show you. - but i feel so silly i can't -- - why should you? no, it's fun. here, just stand right here. now put your two middle fingers right in there. that's it. that's it, that's it. now you just roll it. - oh! (jim laughs) - that's heavy. - i know it is, honey. just roll it. back and forth like that. just swing it, let it go. - i feel so silly. - oh now come on. - oh come on. - go ahead. - look, there's nothing to worry about. it's not going to bite you. just swing it and roll it. let it go. whooop! that's it. see? (audience laughs) (bud laughs) (jim laughs) - you're even worse than i am. here, i'll give you a few pointers. - all right. - now, this time take a good firm grip on the ball. that's it. reeeeal tight. - mmhmm.

if you stand about here and take three steps and roll with me. - four. (audience laughs) - hmm? - four steps. and you don't take a tight grip, you relax. - oh, well, okay. i doubt that it matters very much. (audience laughs) now, on the swing, on the back swing, bring the ball up as high as you can. - no, dad, you bring it back waist high. - look, if you know so much more about this than i do, why don't you teach her? - oh no, i'm not gonna teach her anything. teach her ... (audience laughs) yeah, yeah, i'll see what i can do with her. you guys go on with the game. - well, there's no use of my wasting my breath around here anymore. come on, let's get a soda or something.

- first, we better determine your particular weaknesses. (ball thumping) obviously there's a lack of coordination here. (audience laughs) let's face the alley squarely. (audience laughs) now the big factors here are concentration, timing and rhythm, and relaxation. now let's try a relaxed swing. (audience laughs) no, no, you're much too tense, child. bend forward.

- you think you're pretty smart, don't you? - well, you know what they say, "father -- - "crows best." (audience laughs) - first you've got to learn the fundamentals and then work, work, work! - bud, bud. you can stop talking like a mule driver. i get the message. - hmm? - and i'm truly sorry, bud. i must have been an unbearable tutor. - no, no, no, i wouldn't say you were unbearable. - yes i was. - no, no. well, come to think of it, you were. (audience laughs) but then i was, i was no bargain either. i thought these tutoring sessions would be one continuous (mumbling) date. with a gorgeous tutor which was solidly built. (audience laughs) whom's, or who. i still don't dig those relative pronouns. you've got to take those up again in our next session.

you mean you really want me back? - well, sure i do. i need you. i need the work, work, work. (sentimental violin music) - whatever you say. you're the boss. well now, show me that pendulum swing again. - just relax. - you know, i think i'm going to like bowling. (audience laughs) (audience claps) (cheerful music) - [voiceover] robert young and jane wyatt (children giggling) with elinor donahue, billy gray and lauren chapin in father knows best.

- well, if i had a chance of being nominated for the campus queen finals i wouldn't be sitting here, i can tell you that. - [boy in sweater] tell us judy, where would you be? - i'd be at school right now biting my nails while the votes are being counted. aren't you even excited? - well of course i am but there's nothing i can do about it now. it's in the hands of the fate. if i'm chosen one of the finalist, then i'll be chosen. - well i still think we should have stuffed the ballot boxes. - excuse me, i'm sorry. - well you ought to be, farlet. do you realize what you have done? - it was just a mistake. - well i demand satisfaction. i appoint you as my second. - right! what should our weapons be, cream puffs at twenty paces? - no, wait. there may be extenuating circumstances so we'll let the guilty party speak on his own behalf. well. - yes. - well come on man, out with it. - i'll get your hamburgers.

- doug, i don't think rudy gets your kind of humor. - [doug] oh you're so right betty. there is the original cornball, rudy kissler. formerly the pride of antwerp agricultural college, antwerp, south dakota. - [boy in tie] well until he transferred down to springfield, where he is now working his way through college getting his degree in uh? - advanced hog calling. - then he ought to be able to call you. - touche, judy. - oh uh, say betty, is ralph gonna take you to the presentation party tonight? - well i haven't accepted a date with anyone yet. well after all the party is being given to present the three finalists in the queen contest and well it would seem like a sensible idea to wait and see if i'm one of the three selected. - come on betty, let me take you to the party. - oh well call me later, after the votes are counted.

apologies for me and my vulgar friend here. - it's okay i can take a joke. - yeah. rudy, maybe you ought to stick to milking cows, boy. - i'll go get a mop. - [doug] yea, get a mop. (audience laughter) - what are you trying to do doug, make rudy lose his job? - well can i help it if he's clumsy? - oh excuse me, i have to run. - oh come on betty we were only kidding. - well it might be funny if the other fella could answer back. - well, i guess the duchess put us in our places. - [rudy] sorry. - [betty] heavens, watch what you're doing. - i didn't mean to. - that's what i call a cute couple.

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oh, how do people stand it when they're running for president of the united states and waiting for the-- (phone ringing) this is the call, keep your fingers crossed. hello? yeah, she's here, i think. it's for kathy, kathy?! - [kathy] i'm coming. - [betty] come on and make this a short conversation please, i might be getting an important call. - hello? oh, hi, shirley. oh i don't know, i'll ask her. hey betty, did you get in the finals of the campus queen contest? - [betty] i don't know yet. - oh, she doesn't know yet. oh, shirley says, good luck. - [betty] tell her thanks. - oh, betty says thanks. - say, did you hear what happened? - [kathy] wait a minute.

you're in the finals. - shirley! betty's in the finals i'll call you later. ( excited cheering) - [margaret] give me that bud. - well it's a little early in the afternoon for a party isn't it? - [betty] father, i just made finals for queen of the campus (mumbling) the three of us. - [jim] congratulations princess. - [betty] thank you. - but you didn't expect me to be surprised did you? i could have told 'em all along you'd be one of the winners. you see it's very simple, the way to have beautiful daughters is for them to have a beautiful mother. - [betty] here, here. - oh, boy, the oil is really flowing tonight. (phone rings) - hello? oh, hi, ted. - congratulations betty, we just head the good news. - oh, thank you, ted. i just heard it myself i'm still breathless.

i'm sorry we laid it on so thick. but you know doug, anything for a laugh. besides, he doesn't really mean any harm. - that's all right ted, maybe rudy let himself in for it. - how about the presentation party tonight, have you a date yet? - [betty] no. - well that's good because a friend of mine, absolutely the greatest guy in the world is-- - look ted, if you're leading up to a blind date i'm not interested. - now wait a minute betty. we sort of had a date for tonight if you made the finals. and don't think i enjoy passing it up but well i'm in a spot. - but ted you know how i feel about blind dates. - but this isn't really a blind date. he's an old friend of my family who just got into town and he doesn't know anybody. i want to show him a good time. and besides don't think this is the usual blind date dud, this is no ordinary guy. - i know ted, they never are. (audience laughter) - no really betty this ones got everything. looks, personality, intelligence, i mean no kidding

the kind you see on a magazine cover. - look, i don't like to let you down but -- - well at least let me bring him to the party and you can meet him there. now what do you say? - all right, yeah, it's a date. - swell, we'll meet you at the party at eight o'clock. bye. she went for it, hook line and sinker. (laughter) - great man, you were just great. - more good news? - could be. i have a date with a fellow who belongs on a magazine cover. - oh, who? - i don't know. (audience laughter) - well, i bet there isn't this much excitement at cape canaveral, when they're getting ready to launch a rocket to the moon. - [betty] well father the scientists at cape canaveral have seen the moon.

- [margaret] for some reason i can't explain, i'm not enthused over the idea. - now why do you have to meet this mystery man at the party? why i know it sounds old fashioned but couldn't he come by here and pick you up? - well he's from out of town, i think. besides, it's kind of exciting. oh, don't worry father, ted described him to me in minute detail and if he's even half as wonderful as ted said i'll be the envy of every girl there. - [bud] come on queenie lets get to the dance before the-- (whistles) wow-wee, you look like the firehouse five minus four. (audience laughter) - suppose he changed his mind and decided not to come? - oh, boy he'll be here alright. - [ted] besides, betty isn't even here yet. - [doug] hey, here she is. and so beautiful. - well i'll see you later sis i gotta find the guys. good luck with your dream boy. - thank you. hi. - [judy] hi betty.

- hi. why's everyone looking at me, my slip showing? - they're admiring you doll. - yeah, if you think they're admiring you now just wait till your date gets here and the two of you together (laughs) boy you're really gonna dazzle 'em, right? - right! this is a guy who is fit for a queen. i mean, i happen to know him betty, through ted, i met him. hey, here he comes. - well, the big moment. betty, may i present your date for the evening, that very popular man about town, mr. rudy kissler. (audience laughing) - how do you do? (giggles from the crowd)

- [betty] well i'm so glad you could come tonight, rudy. your friends have told me so much about you. - i was kind of surprised when they said that you wanted me for your date. i didn't think you knew me from adam. could i get you some punch or something? - that's very thoughtful of you rudy, thank you. - oh, now, betty it was all just a gag. - [judy] i tried to talk them out of it honest i did. - where's your sense of humor, we did it for laughs. (laughter) - [judy] they'll explain to rudy it was just a misunderstanding. - you don't have to spend the whole evening with him, we'll lose the guy.

- i'm sorry but i have a date. thank you, rudy. i want to thank you for choosing rudy as my escort. i'm going to enjoy his company for the entire evening. and that means, every dance.

- [betty] i had, such a nice time. thank you for a lovely evening, rudy. - i wish i could think of the right words to tell you. i mean, better words than just, thanks for everything. - well they're pretty nice words. - not good enough though. i mean, not for you.

- thank you. - well, goodnight. - [betty] goodnight. (angry band music) - well, go ahead, explode. - believe me i feel like it. - bud told us what happened, i think it's the meanest thing i ever heard of. - [bud] who we chop first, ted or doug? - well i'd like to chop practically everyone in that senior class. they were all in on it. - yeah, but you sure bowled 'em over when you took old rudy in tow. - oh, i'm just getting started. i'll get even with them, you wait. i'm going to take rudy to every social affair that class puts on. before i'm finished that senior class is going to have rudy kissler coming out of its ears. (menacing horn music) - [betty] i'd like you to meet rudy kissler.

i'd like you to meet rudy kissler. meet rudy kissler. meet rudy kissler? meet rudy kissler. rudy kissler. i'd like you to meet rudy kissler. i'd like you to meet rudy kissler. i'd like you to meet rudy kissler. meet rudy kissler. meet rudy kissler? meet rudy kissler. meet rudy kissler. - [judy] excuse me rudy, betty i've got to talk to you. - [betty] i'll be right back. - betty, enough is enough. doug and ted have apologized, everybody's sorry so quit trying to get even with the whole school, you're only hurting yourself. - well, how? - betty, the final voting is tomorrow. what are you trying to do, deliberately ruin your chances of being chosen queen of the campus? - because of rudy? - it doesn't matter to me, i mean i'd vote for you

- in other words, what you're saying is if i dump rudy i'm a shoo-in? - i'm afraid that's it. - well, you've just given me the perfect reason for continuing to see him. (group chatter and music) - what gives with betty? is she falling for this yokel, huh? - don't be ridiculous, she's just dragging him around and pushing him in our faces because of you and ted and your idiotic joke. - [betty] goodnight, rudy. i hope you didn't mind leaving the theater party early. - no, no it's all right with me. i have to be back at work at the malt shop anyway. - okay, i'll see you later.

- sure, what is it? - there's something i want to tell you, if i can think of the right words. and i probably can't because, because i never talked to a girl like this before. all this week, seeing you every day like this it's, it's been like i was living in some kind of a dream. it seemed so wonderful i couldn't even believe it. i mean it. oh, what i'm trying to say is that i love you. you know why i love you? because you're an angel. you're the sweetest, you're the most honest and true girl the good lord ever put on this earth, really. - don't say that rudy.

goodnight. ( sad violin music) -[jim] hi, princess. what's wrong? - oh, father, i've just done the most awful thing to rudy. never occurred to me, i swear it never occurred to me.

- all this time he's been thinking i was going with him because i liked him. and just now he told me he loved me, because i was sweet, and honest and true. what am i going to do, father? - well, i think the first thing you might do is go upstairs and wash your face with some nice cold water. when that's done and you're beginning to think a little more clearly i suggest you take another

i'm pretty sure you'll find your motives were not as selfish as you think they were. - but father-- - [bud] hey, good news betty. you don't have to worry about going out with rudy anymore. - what do you mean? - well, i just came from the malt shop where i heard your jolly friend doug tell rudy to stop dating you or you'd lose the campus queen contest. - no. - of course, rudy didn't buy the idea and one word led to another, so finally doug had to tell him all about the joke they played on you. - he didn't. - yeah, he did, and pop went rudy's little dream world. and so happily ends another absorbing chapter in the life of betty anderson. girl avenger! - was rudy still at the malt shop when you left? - yeah, but they were just closing up. - princess, wait. - [betty] i've got to talk to him, father. - would you like me to--

- you must think i'm a terrible person, rudy. i'm not gonna try and justify what i did. 'cause everything doug told you was true. i did go out with you just because in spite of him and ted and all the others. very wrong and i'm sorry.

please, rudy. if i didn't want to keep you friendship, would i be humbling myself like this? - no, i guess you wouldn't. - can we try again? - well -- - at the campus queen dance this saturday. - maybe we better just leave things as they are. - but rudy, if you're worried about what doug said about you-- - listen, he was right! you're not going to win with me tagging along.

- even in south dakota we don't put a prize winning filly in the show ring with a, with a plow horse. but thanks anyway. - rudy kissler.

(joyful music) (applause) - now don't be nervous folks because right after the next dance we're going to announce the winner of the campus queen contest. (applause) - betty, betty you see before you the two saddest sacks in springfield. - oh look ted, i'm in no mood for jokes. - yeah, neither are we. throwing rudy at you was a brilliantly stupid idea and it was all mine. - oh, no doug i was the-- - [doug] my idea, kid-- - [betty] oh look, - what's done is done. please lets just forget it and go on. - i wish there was something we could do to help besides just say we're sorry, you know.

- [judy] betty, where're you going? - [betty] i have to go find rudy. he got off like an hour ago and he promised he'd be here. - well you can't leave now, they're going to crown the queen in a minute. - i don't care i have to find him. - [judy] but what if you're announced the winner? - [betty] fat chance. right now rudy's feelings are more important than any old contest. - thank you. and now the moment we've all been waiting for. - here it is, you can't go now. - winner of the campus queen contest is none other than, that lovely senior we all know. - no telling what that big hayseed will do. i'll find him if i have to turn the town upside down. - get excited. miss betty anderson. - [judy] betty, wait, you won. come on, you can look for him later. - betty, where are you? - [judy] here she is, come on, betty.

- oh, come on now betty, we see you hiding modestly back there. come on up and be crowned. - [betty] find rudy for me, will you? - [judy] i'll try. - congratulations. here she is. (cheering and applause) let's hail our new queen, betty anderson. (joyous horns and cheering) - thank you for this great honor. i don't really deserve it, but i'll do my best to be worthy. (applause) - and now the real highlight of the evening, and our newly chosen queen will select her partner for the traditional queen's waltz.

- well, i'm afraid the one i would have chosen isn't here. so... -[judy] here he is betty we found him. - [doug] come on there's nothing to be afraid of. - [ted] come on you can't spend the whole evening sitting on the curb. - oh, wait a minute. i believe the queen's choice has just, rushed in. (laughter) ladies and gentlemen, i would consider it a great honor if a classmate whose friendship i deeply treasure would consent to be my choice for the queen's waltz. - betty i'm sorry, i... - may i have this dance?

(applause)

[doorbell buzzes] oh, hi, matilda. hazel! am i glad i caught you home. how did you get here? i didn't see you out front? oh, i took the kids' shortcut through the backyard. i just had to rush right over. oh, well, you just wasted your time if you was rushing over to sell me a sweepstakes ticket. well, how did you know, hazel? oh, that barney hatfield. well, i've only got one ticket left, and as long as he didn't want it, i thought of you. i've got a feeling it's a winner. well, i got a feeling it won't be 'cause it ain't my day. what's the matter, hazel? you look like you just burnt a roast. it can't be that bad. oh, can't it? this is mr. b's birthday, and them initial golf balls i ordered for him ain't come. that's how bad it is. oh. well, okay. as long as you don't want the ticket for yourself, buy it for mr. baxter. what kind of present is that if it don't win?

yeah. i guess you got something there. well, come on in. i'll give you a cup of coffee while i dig out the money. boy, will i ever be glad when we open dad's birthday presents. then i can borrow the fielder's mitt i'm giving him. oh, boy. it'll be a little big for you, won't it? uh-huh. i got it my size. you're a chip off the old block. the day you was born, your dad bought you a set of golf clubs. his size. [chuckling] george: i'm home. here he comes! here he comes! happy birthday! thanks, son. well, come on. - happy birthday, darling. - thank you. getting home is the happiest part of it. well, come on. open your presents. wait a minute, son. wait a minute.

oh, it's just fudge. you'd better watch that off, harold. go on. but don't open the glove until i get back. many happy returns of the day, mr. b. oh, thanks, hazel. boy, i hope they're not all like this one. what a day. well, you'll feel better after you've eaten. hazel fixed all your favorite dishes. oh, yes. wait till you taste my chocolate fudge cake. it's gonna take more than chocolate fudge cake this time, hazel. you wanna bet? oh, you drew judge wilkins in that real estate case. no, it's not that bad. we haven't gone to trial yet. no. it's a special committee the mayor's put me on to investigate gambling. oh? dorothy, they've been selling sweepstakes tickets to high school kids. oh, george, that's terrible. who has? well, that's just it. we don't know. apparently part of a syndicate from the city. oh, darling, don't open that. wait till harold gets down. is sweepstakes tickets so bad, mr. b? hazel, they're against the law. and it's especially bad when they're selling to high school kids.

they open up a door to even far greater corruption. no, don't open that either, mr. b. what's the matter? what's going on around here? why don't you just wait to open these things? why don't you go in the other room and i'll bring you some nice, hot hors d'ouevres. hazel, i don't want hot hors d'ouevres. a minute ago, you were ready to serve dinner. dorothy, do you know what this is all about? well, maybe hazel has a surprise for you, george. yeah, that's right, missy. so, mr. b, why don't you-- hazel, i'm staying right here until get to the bottom of this. oh, boy! you can open your glove now.

uh, harold, are you sure this is my size? well, it's the size i bought. well, uh, maybe my hand is swollen then. because for shaking so many hands for the mayor? yes. yes, that's it. i'll tell you what, son. would you take it and break it in for me? - yes, sir. - good. for he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly-- hazel, what are you doing with the cake? we haven't even finished dinner yet. i know we haven't started because you're so anxious to open your presents. for he's a jolly good fellow [chuckling] go on. blow out the candles, mr. b. hazel, this is ridiculous. well, now, listen. i've never done anything in all the years i've been working for you without a good reason, and if you think now is the time-- of course not, hazel. go on, george. go on. don't be a grouch. okay, but i still say there's something screwy going on around here.

- [dorothy laughing] - george: how's that? hazel: there. harold: boy, it's sure dark in here. dorothy: turn on the light, hazel. - george: what's the matter? - hazel: where's the switch? george: where it's always been. here. i'll get it. now, i'll serve the soup, and you can open your presents. i'd have sworn it was a green bow on here. handkerchiefs? well, they're very nice, george. well, yes, but she always gives me handkerchiefs.

[knocking] hazel, for heaven sakes, whatever happen to you? for pete's sake. you didn't tell me when you had a shortcut that it was through a briar patch. briar patch? oh, my gosh. you must have fallen into the mayor's prized rose bushes. well, no matter what i fell into, it's nothing compared to the trouble we're already in. did you know that your boss made mr. b a member of a committee investigating gambling, especially gambling on sweepstakes tickets? ohh! oh, hazel. what am i gonna do? you only bought one ticket. what'll my boss say when he finds out i sold a whole book full? well, we just can't let him find out nor mr. b neither. you won't let him know where you got it. oh, getting you mixed up in it ain't gonna do me no good. oh, hazel, i should've known i could count on you. well, we'll just pretend like it never happened,

and then we'll take mr. b's name out of the book. oh. you might as well keep the ticket. you mean you won't take the ticket back? i can't take it back. i already turned the book in. oh, for pete's sake. well, maybe with all the tickets they sell, maybe mr. baxter's won't win, and then nobody'll know. but you said you had a feeling that this ticket was gonna be the winner. you still have the same feeling? more than ever. furthermore, the plaintiff alleges that his first knowledge of the existence of said mortgage on the above described parcel of real estate was on the date of-- it won't take a minute. just one minute. - mr. baxter. - please, please. miss scott. i'm sorry, mr. baxter. i tried to explain you were busy, but these reporters insisted on seeing you. reporters? oh, yes, and this telegram just came. oh, thank you, miss scott. mr. baxter. collins, international press. hicks, the daily press. we play golf, mr. baxter.

oh, well, i suppose this is about that gambling situation. yes. would you care to make a statement? well, it's a little premature, and there's nothing really i can say right now, but we are working on it, and when i do have something definite-- you may sell your ticket? my ticket? have you put a price on it yet? what are you talking about? mr. baxter, maybe you'd better open that telegram. "you are the holder of a ticket on..." now, look. if this is some kind of a joke, it's in very poor taste. it's no joke, mr. baxter. we got it over the press wire. collins: and you can't keep it a secret, mr. baxter. we even have the name of the horse your ticket drew. bonnie boy, isn't it? well, uh, yes. that's--that's what it says right here, but i don't know--

makes your ticket worth a small fortune. and if the horse wins, it could go upwards of a quarter of a million. wait a minute. i haven't even bought any tickets. what's more, as a member of the anti-gambling committee-- anti-gambling committee? well, that'll make quite a story. quite a story, mr. baxter. [doorbell rings] okay, i'm coming. oh, hi. hi, hazel. here's the baxters' paper. say, that's service. i usually have to fish it out of the bushes. not anymore. and tell him congratulations.

[phone rings] baxter residence. uh, you what? well, as far as i know, mr. baxter ain't interested in buying no swimming pool. he ain't even interested in an old one. [phone rings] baxter residence. i have been trying to reach george baxter ever since my plane landed and i read these headlines about a half hour ago. well, uh...uh, mr. mayor, if he ain't in his office, i don't know where he is. he ain't here. hazel, now, you listen to me. now, if george baxter is there, you tell him he can't duck me. and if he isn't, you tell him to stay there when he arrives. he has jeopardized my whole administration,

- [knocking] - man: salvation army pick-up. [knocking] [knocking] yes, sir. here you are. thank you.

psst! hazel. mr. b. hazel, are there any reporters in there? no. - any salesmen? - no. what's the matter, mr. b? oh, hazel, i'm in a lot of trouble. oh, yeah. i know about some of it. george! dorothy, don't answer the phone, and lock the door. george, what's the matter? hazel, what happened? you may as well know, missy. he's got the winning ticket in the sweepstakes. the sweepstakes? a winner?

that's why mayor dixon's coming over-- to congratulate you. mayor dixon? oh, no. i've gone over every possibility, mayor dixon, and i can't imagine who would've bought that ticket in my name, even as a joke. it's a frame-up, i tell you. a frame-up. i know these people, george, oh. hazel, do you want something? well, the plants needed watering. they've already been watered. ll, i thought maybe you might want something. you know, a little snack or something. hazel, we just finished dinner. what about another cup of coffee? you'd like another cup of coffee, wouldn't you, your honor? no. no, thanks, hazel. hazel, the only thing we want is a little privacy. oh. well, if there is anything... just--just let me know.

i know it is. by discrediting you, they get at me and our entire administration. hazel, what are you doing? oh, missy, you know very well that i'd give my right arm before i'd hurt you or mr. b. well, of course, hazel, and we wouldn't wanna hurt you. well, maybe when all this is over, you can explain to him that i didn't mean no harm by what i done. what are you talking about? his birthday present. a fine one it turned out to be. oh, hazel, he likes your handkerchiefs. he's always liked your handkerchiefs. yeah, but this year i gave him more than handkerchiefs. that's what all the trouble's about. well, don't be silly. it's just this sweepstakes th--

oh, that wasn't you. george, we'll get the chief of police started on this thing. but first thing in the morning, we'll round up every possible suspect. i am not gonna stop on this thing until i get a signed confession, publicly and in print. mr. b, if it'll do you any good, i'll--i'll sign a confession anytime. confession, hazel? confession of what? about what you and anzano was talking about. the sweepstakes? you? oh, no. for your birthday. hazel, do you mean to say you were the one that set up this trap that has compromised my administration? i bought the ticket. where? how? well, i didn't know it was gonna be a winner and cause all this trouble.

just like anybody else. all right, now, don't be upset and excited. , i'm not excited. all i done-- all right, hazel. yes, i know your motives were innocent. no, it isn't the small fry, the people who buy these tickets, that we want to punish. it's the ones that sell them, the vultures that prey on well-meaning, law-abiding people like yourself. i didn't buy no ticket from no vulture. it was-- well, hazel, who was it? you can help us a lot. no, i can't tell you, mr. b. i gave my word. your word to some thug or gangster? no, it wasn't no gangster. well, who was it, hazel? now, this is important. it is your civic duty, hazel. you should not allow misplaced loyalty to shield vicious malefactors. now, who was it? i'm sorry, your honor, but i don't remember nothing more. well, hazel, did they come here to the house? i don't remember. well, if necessary, we can question you all night. well, that's all right with me, mr. b,

well, since we're going to be here for a while, you might as well sit down and be comfortable. george, i guess i can't be of any help here. - you call me in the morning. - well, don't worry, sir. i'm sure hazel will cooperate when she realizes the importance of her information. yes. good night, george, uh, mrs. baxter. - good night. - good night. dorothy, will you excuse us? now, hazel, i'm sure you don't want to aid and abet those criminals. now, did someone offer you the tickets at the door or was it on the street? i don't remember. hazel, was it on the street? i don't remember.

i don't remember.

i'll get it. good morning, george. well, mayor dixon, good morning. i suppose hazel has already told you. of all the outrageous things with these two...conspirators.

oh, good morning, your honor. hi, matilda. did you hear about mr. b's sweepstakes ticket? the one i bought from the gangster downtown. never mind, hazel. matilda has already confessed. it's all right, hazel. i told him. oh. [ ]

has ever serenaded an individual. mr. baxter, we want to express our gratitude for your generous donation. because of what you have given, homeless men-- well, there must be some mistake. i haven't-- mr. baxter is just being modest. what he hopes is that your sweepstakes ticket will be a winner and that you'll win the full prize. oh, we've already sold the ticket. it brought us all the funds we needed to finish our new harbor lights mission for hungry and homeless men. now, wait a minute. do you mean to say that you accepted the proceeds from an illegal sweepstakes ticket to finance one of your charities? why, yes. why not? as one of our generals once said, "we'd take money from the devil to do god's work." ready? mr. baxter, can we have a smile? yes, but it was hazel who bought the ticket. and it is hazel who deserves most of the credit

[band playing] there. you see, mr. b, it wasn't such a bad birthday present after all. only i wonder what i'm gonna give you next year. [ ] you're his answering service?

to come over to the baxter house right away. it's an emergency. he what? [click] well, how do you like that? what's the matter? boy, freeman has closed up his shop and gone fishing. he's getting too independent if you asked me. the first time i have an opportunity to see myself on television, and look what happens. this sounds like a good one. hello. is this gilbert the tv doctor? yes. gilbert here. who's calling? well, i'm hazel burke, and we got a doozy of a problem over here. we want-- may i ask who referred you to me? nobody. i got your name out of the yellow pages. well, i'm no longer listed in the yellow pages. you must have an old book. good-bye. hey, wait a minute. you do fix tv sets, don't you?

and i have all the clients i can handle. i don't wish to be rude, but you are interrupting my cocktail hour. and so once more, good-bye. hold on. i ain't phoning just for myself, you know. this set belongs to mr. george baxter. i never heard of him. well, he just happens to be a very important attorney in this town, and he also serves on the mayor's welcoming committee. oh, that george baxter. well, what seems to be your problem? well, the picture's all covered with zigzag lines, and the sound is so wobbly that we can't make out what they're saying. we want you to come over right away and fix it. well, i'm afraid that's quite out of the question. i never make house calls at night. hello, mr. gilbert. this is mr. baxter speaking. yes, mr. baxter. as i was saying, i never make house calls at night. now, if your set has not improved by monday morning,

and i will run it through a few tests. okay, okay, so let's forget about tonight. i can understand that part. but i've injured my back, and it's impossible for me to bring my tv set to your office. well, now, look, if you can't come here tomorrow, just say so, and i'll try to find someone else who can. well, i guess i could make an exception in this case. just give me your address, and i'll be there. 123 marshall road. thank you. oh, you understand, mr. baxter, of course, that the charge will be double rate for sunday. yes. yes, of course. good-bye. good-bye. mm. well, i sure hope he gets that fixed so i can watch that golf tournament tomorrow. yeah, but are we gonna do tonight?

[groans] with your back hurting so badly, george, you really shouldn't have gotten up. well, you know i don't like to eat in bed. i always spill something. mom, dad, would it be okay for me to set up a short-wave rig in my room? as soon as i save up enough money to buy one? i don't know, harold. how much space would something like that take up? well, not very much. what do you think about it, dad? hmm? what do i think about what? a short-wave transmitter and receiver. bruce said he'd help me set it up. bruce? who's bruce? bruce camden, harold's new friend, the boy that just moved into the neighborhood. oh, the boy he was with last evening. bruce said he'd give me all the help i'll need so i can get my license to operate, too. well, that's very nice, son, but don't you think you should wait until you're a little older? well, he's only two years older than i am, and he's been licensed as a ham for nearly a year. a short-wave set can be very educational.

and besides, even you and mom can have a lot of fun with it, - and so can hazel. - ta-dah! hazel? yeah, it's me, sport. how do you like it? - how do you like it, missy? - it's stunning. it's a wig, you know. well, it certainly doesn't look like a wig. oh, it does to me. well, there was so much going on about the tv last night, i didn't get a chance to show you. i brought it home from the bowling tournament. i thought you said you'd won. that wig looks more like the booby prize. george. how do you like it, sport? uh, it sure does make you look different. you see, mr. b? everybody likes it but you. well, i'd better get going. it's most 10:00 tomorrow night in bombay, india.

he's rushing like mad to keep up with tomorrow in bombay, and i'm just trying to keep from falling behind with today here. bruce just got his equipment set up so i can go on the air again yesterday. last night we called his friend in brazil.

hazel: come right in. mr. baxter, mrs. baxter, this is gilbert, the tv doctor. - how do you do, mrs. baxter? - how do you do? and how is our patient today? well, not much better, i'm afraid. my back is killing me. hmm? oh, that. oh, yeah. well, actually, i was referring to your sick telly. tell me. have the symptoms been about the same today? well, as a matter of fact, we haven't had it on today, but-- that's exactly the way it acted last night. i certainly hope you're able to fix it before the golf tournament starts.

well, now, let's see what's wrong with our little fella, shall we? [chuckling] mm-hmm. oh. he's got to be kidding. mm-hmm. you know, a stethoscope is absolutely unsurpassed in diagnosing and locating hum. i'm happy to report, mr. baxter, that there are definitely no hums in your telly. there aren't? that's encouraging, ain't it, mr. b?

well... you're a very lucky man, mr. baxter. this set is in perfect operating condition. what do you mean perfect? take a look at it. i have. i've checked everything. power tube good. vertical hold good. horizontal hold good. transformers good. tuning circuit good. et cetera, et cetera. i can find absolutely nothing wrong

what about the antenna? did you check the wiring? maybe that's what's wrong with it. madam, i checked the antenna before i came inside. it is facing the proper direction, and the lead-in wire is excellent. oh. how do you expect me to watch the golf tournament with a picture like that? ah, that won't be easy, mr. baxter. it is my professional opinion that your trouble is being caused by some outside disturbance. therefore, i'm afraid i cannot be of any further use to your set. i'm sorry. well, good day, mrs. baxter. what do you mean outside disturbances? oh, it could be one of any number of things that's interfering with your reception, such as x-ray equipment, diathermy, faulty radio apparatus, high-powered machinery, et cetera, et cetera. but, mr. baxter, at least you have one consolation. there's nothing wrong with your telly.

oh. my secretary will send you the bill. good day. oh, it's already started, and it's the one thing i really wanted to watch. you want me to take a kick at it, mr. b? no. turn it off. turn the darn thing off. george, what about harry noll? if he's watching the tournament, i'm sure he won't mind if you and hazel watch it with him. now, why didn't i think of that? - why, of course. he's probably-- - [phone rings] oh. whoever it is, i'll tell 'em to call back, mr. b, so you can call mr. noll right away. baxter residence. oh, hi, mr. noll. mr. b was just gonna call you to ask if him and me can come over and watch the golf tournament with you. that is, if you got it on. what? what did he say? is it okay? just a minute, mr. noll. he's calling to find out if he could come over here

well, mr. noll, we got the same trouble on our set. i guess we'll have to read about it tomorrow in the newspaper, huh? yeah. bye. mr. b, something is rockin' our reception. are we gonna take it laying down? hazel, just a minute. i'm thinking. let me see. there are no medical offices here or a hospital or any high-powered machinery. squad cars. what would they have to do with it? they got short-wave, the the tv doctor said-- hazel, wait a minute. short wave. hazel, that is it. dorothy, do you remember harold saying that bruce camden just got his short-wave radio installed yesterday? well, i guess so, but-- and he was talking to brazil last night. right? when i was trying to watch myself on the news. well, yes, but-- and today he's talking to india now. right now. right? i think he's got it, missy. i know i've got it. it's that set amateur short-wave operator

but, george, you can't be positive. dorothy, where do the camdens live? now, george, you're jumping to conclusions. you don't have to come along if you don't want to. hazel will drive me down there. well, i'm certainly not going to meet the camdens for the first time with a complaint. don't worry, dorothy. after i explain the situation to camden, he'll be as anxious as the rest of us to get this all cleared up.

here it is, mr. b. - mr. camden? - yes, sir. i'm george baxter. i live down the street. oh, yes. young harold's father. glad to meet you, mr. baxter. thank you. and this is hazel burke. how do you do? you folks care to come inside? no, no. no. not today. thanks. i hurt my back, and it's a little difficult for me to move around. harold: hey, dad. hi, hazel. i don't have to come home already, do i? - well, uh... - bruce, this is my dad, and she's hazel. - bruce: hi. - hi. did you come over to see the short-wave setup?

well, not today, son, but, uh, i would like to talk about it. bruce can do that for hour on end, mr. baxter. you don't know what you're letting yourself in for. well, mr. camden, i certainly don't like to greet a new neighbor with a complaint, but we haven't been able to get a decent picture on our television set since your boy began operating his short-wave equipment. but, dad-- please, harold, don't interrupt. i'm sorry about your tv, mr. baxter, but you're wrong if you think my boy is causing your trouble. well, uh, mr. camden, i'm not an unreasonable man, and i wouldn't say these things unless i had my facts to back up my case. but, sir, my equipment couldn't be responsible for your trouble, unless-- now we're getting somewhere. unless what? unless your tv is an old model. how old? was it made before 1950? well, our set is old, but it's a lot younger than that. what has 1950 got to do with it?

occasionally causes interference on sets built before that time. oh? well, i don't know anything about that, but i do know that i'm not the only person in the neighborhood with this problem. mr. baxter, if my boy tells you he's not causing your trouble, you better believe him. come on, bruce. gee, i'm sorry. bruce. george: harold, get in the car. gee whiz. where are you going, son? up to my room. what are you going to do up there? why don't you stay down here with the rest of us? harold: there's nothing to do down here. maybe i'll read a book or something. harold, what's the matter, darling? don't you feel well? i feel okay, i guess. george baxter, you got into a big argument with mr. camden, didn't you?

oh, it wasn't a big argument at all. hazel, come back here. you tell her. tell her what, mr. b? well, tell her it wasn't a big-- oh, for pete's sake, hazel. i thought you were on my side. well, i was, but i don't want us to lose a good friend for harold. oh, george! dorothy, will you please calm down. harold knows i only did what i had to do. we can't go on indefinitely without television. you understand that, don't you, son? i guess so, if you're really sure it's bruce's fault. well, of course i'm sure. and i'll prove it to you right now. well, how can he do that? now, uh, bruce had all his equipment turned off when we left his house, right? yes. there. you see? all the troubles disappeared.

maybe we can sit down and watch what's left of the golf tournament. [groans] [groans] hmm. bruce has got homework to do tonight, too. boy, i think i'll go up to the school and get his teachers to give him a lot more to do. hazel, shh. please. bruce just finished his homework. dad. dad, someone's prowling around outside our house. - where? - are you sure? i've been watching him for about ten minutes. first he was snooping around mr. noll's house. now he's in front of ours. maybe i should go call the cops, mr. b. no, no, no. wait a minute, hazel. oh, george, be careful.

i'll get the wedge. shh, shh, everybody. george, be careful. shh, shh. [electricity buzzing] is this the baxter residence? yes, it is. what do you want? i'm from the power company. we have a report that you're getting interference in your television reception. yes, we are, but-- i picked up a disturbance beginning just a few minutes ago. that's right. it did. come on in. just a moment. i want you to look at that television. that interference is coming from the camden house. it happens every time their son operates that short-wave set. mr. camden's the one that asked us to come over here. now, just a minute. i've gone to considerable expense in this situation.

our company maintains a troubleshooting department for this sort of thing. it's not radio interference. it's electrical. [clicking] [clicking grows louder] here's your trouble. well, that's my heating pad. i threw my back out last saturday, and i've been treating it with heat.

faulty thermostat. what? oh, mr. b. it just come to me. you was using that heating pad on saturday when you was trying to get the news. and you was using it sunday morning, too, when you tried to get the golf tournament. hazel, please, i can't believe that a little thing like that could-- well, it certainly wouldn't interfere with our neighbor's reception, too. - would it? - oh, yes. malfunction in the thermostat can emit impulses that would disturb tv reception for some distance. this heating pad could also cause a fire, sir. oh? well, harold, unplug it and throw it away. sure, dad. well, uh, thank you very much. you're welcome. good night. night. son. listen to me.

now, everything indicated that bruce was the, well-- i know, dad. i'll put this in the trash. you're late for work. you grab your 10-gallon jug of coffee, and back out of the garage. right into your wife's car. with your wife watching. she forgives you... eventually. your insurance company, not so much. they say you only have their basic policy. don't basic policies cover basic accidents? of course, they say... as long as you pay extra for it. with a liberty mutual base policy, new car replacement comes standard. and for drivers with accident forgiveness, liberty mutual won't raise your rates due to your first accident. learn more by calling at liberty mutual, every policy is personal, with coverage and deductibles, customized just for you. which is why we don't offer any

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come down here for a minute? okay, dad! what you got there, mr. b? hazel, just something to take the taste of crow out of my mouth. - hi, dad. - hi, son. how about you coming over to the camdens with me tonight before dinner? i have a little apologizing to do to bruce, and here's a little gift here you can give him. oh, what is it? well, it's a world clock. oh, boy! it'll tell him the correct time in any part of the world. for instance, if it's 6:00 here, it's 1:00 in hawaii. [doorbell rings] i'll get it. hello, hazel. is harold home? well, we was just talking about you.

sport, here's your buddy. de-de-de, de de. that's "hi" in morse code. i've brought over my old telegraph key and buzzer so you can practice. gee, thanks, bruce. and here's a present for you from my dad. it's a clock to keep besides your short-wave rug. it tells what time it is in any place in the world. like when it's 6:00 here and you wanna talk to your friend in hawaii, you know right away it's 1:00 there. harold, give him a chance to open it. oh, yeah. hazel: yeah! ain't that something? gee, i don't know what to say. i've wanted one of these for a long time. will you show me how to hook this up? sure. have you got a battery? yeah. it's in my room. come on. gee, thanks a lot, mr. baxter. you're welcome. [chuckling] i'll take it. george, that was a very lovely gift. i'll say. how did you know it was exactly what bruce wanted, mr. b? well, his father told me.

and as soon as my back is well, we're going to play golf. hazel, he's an amateur champion. you're kind of a champ yourself, mr. b.

[clock ticking] [thump thump thump thump] alice, is it necessary to hold a bowling tournament while i'm trying to get my work done? i'm awfully sorry, henry. mom says the ball wasn't supposed to be upstairs, so i tried to bring it down, only it's full of iron or something. it won't happen again, dear. well, it can't happen again, alice. i've got to get that report in the mail by tonight.