o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o. i'm mister ed. a horse is a horse, of course, of course and no one can talk to a horse, of course that is, of course, unless the horse is the famous mister ed uh-oh! good morning, ed. what are you doing out here? i'm looking for the newspaper. i can't enjoy my morning cup of hay without the newspaper. well, how nice for you. you just have to wait'll i get finished with it. i don't like a gooey paper. ed: i don't leave it gooey. yes, you do. you're always turning the pages with your tongue. ed: no! there it is, up on the roof.

steals our paper, reads it, then throws it up on the roof. not roger. it's that delivery boy with a bad aim. well, you hold still, and i'll climb on your back. you hold still, and i'll climb on your back. now, don't be smart. can't a guy have a little fun? you're not a guy. you're a horse. and sometimes, i wish you'd act like one. ed: oh! (ed grunting) oh! ah! ed, where do you think you're going? ed, come back here. you told me to act like a horse. i'm acting like a horse. if you're not back here by the time i count to three, there'll be no television for you tonight. 1...2...3...

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97...98...99...100. roger: good morning, wilbur. kay: good morning, wilbur. i know i shouldn't ask, but, uh... i was looking for my newspaper.

i can't get down. how did you get up? my horse helped me. i shouldn't have asked, either. look, i haven't had any breakfast yet. would you mind getting me a ladder? how would you like it, sunny side up? there's one around the other side of the house. ed: ha, ha. all right, wise guy, get over here so i can climb down. from now on, when i ask you to get me something, i want you to get it fast, and no more of your smart tricks. you started the whole thing by calling me a horse. well, what are you? let's not get personal. ed, where are you? (thud) ooh. ah! just for that, there'll be no tv, and no bedtime story for you tonight. go to your stall! you go to your stall. (groaning)

ed, you disobeyed me, and you are going to be punished. it's tough to be a horse when your heart isn't in it. (door slamming) it's that newsboy's fault, not mine. well, more complaints. (phone buzzing) hello, daily star circulation department. hunt speaking. my name is wilbur post. i want to cancel my subscription. was something the matter, mr. post? well, what are you doing out so early, rog? i presume the same as you, to have a chat with our so-called delivery boy. yesterday i found my paper in the bird bath.

just a minute, young man. i'll handle this. it's my house. i'll handle it. what is your name, young man? joey, sir. joey, you've been delivering papers here for... i won't be anymore, sir. i was fired! there goes my football uniform i was saving for. you handle it. joey... it's your house. gee, they didn't have to fire you. certainly not. that's no way to mold character. i tried to talk mr. hunt out of it, but he was really sore because of what that man said. what man, joey? mr. hunt wouldn't tell me his name.

one of my customers complained for 20 full minutes. i guess i can't blame him. who would turn in a sweet-faced boy like that? decent lad, if ever i saw one. imagine getting a little kid fired. what a dastardly thing to do. the man must be sick. well, there's no sense standing out here. it's getting rather cold. a lot colder than i thought. oh, post. what is it, addison? mrs. addison tells me we're playing cards at your house tonight. so i understand. we may not be able to make it. i'm not feeling too well. good.

ooh. honey, you're wrong about roger. i'll admit he may be tight and stiff and vain and arrogant, but he's too nice a man to do a thing like that. nice? he'd pull a chair out from under whistler's mother. you have no proof that wilbur is guilty. he's too decent to turn in a little boy. that baby face of wilbur's doesn't fool me. addison, put on your jacket. you put it on, and go as both of us. oh? is this going to be one of our violent nights? just because you say wilbur is guilty doesn't automatically make it so. it so happens, my dear, that i can read character. if you could read character, you never would've married me. addison, put on your jacket. come on! you're going. turn out all the lights. they'll think we went to bed. that's ridiculous. we're insured. let's burn the house down. wilbur, will you stop?

-hi! how are you? -good evening, carol. -oh, you look so pretty. -thank you. so do you. hello, wilbur. come in, come in! we've been waiting for you. how are you, wilbur? ah, you're looking fine, rog. thank you. i was about to phone you and see how you felt. no sense running up your phone bill, wilbur. you make enough telephone calls. well, let's sit guarded... uh, get started. let's play bridge. oh, wilbur, aren't we lucky? not only are our neighbors nice people, but they also play bridge. you never know what the fellow next door is capable of. strange, those were my thoughts. oh, well, let's not play the usual way tonight. let's switch partners. uh, good idea. uh, i enjoy a nice sociable evening.

-(doorbell ringing) -excuse me. well, hello. is mr. post in, please? yes, come in. wilbur, a young gentleman to see you. well, hello, joey. and what can i do for you? well, uh, my dad said i should come over to apologize. oh, what for? dad made mr. hunt tell him the name of the man that reported me. well, he certainly didn't say that i did. don't feel bad, mr. post. my dad says sometimes it's necessary to rat on somebody. (stammering) but that's not true. oh, that's... i mean, why would mr. hunt say that i... come, dear. roger, kay, now look.

i admit i was annoyed about the newspaper, but i would never rat on a little child like that. -roger, you know that... -(door slams) honey, they think that i would... honey. surely, you don't think that i'm... i'm innocent! i'm innocent now! this is a miscarriage of justice! pssst. uh... pssst. wilbur, i know you're innocent. why would mr. hunt say that i turned joey in? maybe because i used your name. i wouldn't turn... you? (sobbing) yeah, yeah. oh, wilbur, i... i did a terrible thing, and i'm sorry. you should be. why did you do it, ed? how do i know? i'm only a horse. (sobbing) your handkerchief? all right, all right. get my nose.

okay, ed, now, you know what you're supposed to do. after all the trouble i caused, you think i'd let joey down? yeah, well, do you remember what time i want you to telephone me? relax, will you, wilbur? i already set my watch. i've got, uh, 1:15. hunt: sorry, mr. post, but taking joey back is just out of the question. too many people have been complaining about him. you did it yourself. no, i didn't phone. that was ed. ed? well, that's a fella who lives with me. (phone buzzing) daily star, circulation department, hunt speaking. would you mind speaking up, madam? this is, uh, this is mrs. higgins. i'm one of joey's customers. uh, yes, mrs. higgins. what about it? well, unless that nice boy gets his job back,

oh, but, mrs. higgins... (click) mrs. higgins, huh? she's one of joey's customers, too. she was calling to complain, too, huh? no, no, she asked me to keep him on. oh, she's a sweet little old lady, always helping boy scouts across the street. (phone buzzing) daily star, circulation department, hunt speaking. oh, yes, mr. bridges. say, what happened to that joey kid who used to throw my paper in the tree all the time? oh, well, you don't have to worry about him anymore, mr. bridges. we let him go. you let him go? why... why climbing that tree was the only exercise i got! well, but, but, mr. bridges... don't you care about us veterans? well, of course, i care about veterans! it's just that joey was... (click, dial tone)

that's a veterans' organization calling to get joey back, huh? who said anything about an organization? it was just one veteran. george washington was just one veteran. mr. post, don't you think it rather odd that ever since you walked in here, this phone has kept ringing with requests to rehire joey? -are you implying that i would... -(phone buzzing) daily star, circulation department, hunt speaking. oh, yes, colonel ashton. i want to compliment you all on firing that young scallywag joey. well, uh, thank you. we, uh, try to do our best, colonel. now maybe my son can get the job. he's 24. he's shiftless. he's no account, but he can sure use the salary. oh, well, uh, thank you. thank you very much, colonel ashton. uh, we'll see. you know, it's tough to get good newsboys these days.

but one more paper on one more roof, and he's out. mr. hunt, it's people like you who make people like me realize that there wouldn't be people like us, if it weren't for people like them. (clatter) uh-oh. only one little boy i know can make a sound like that. joey, what happened? mr. post, i was doing just what you said. i was keeping my eye on the front steps so good, i just guess i didn't see the tree coming. joey, are you hurt? no, but i will be when my father finds out.

oh, now, come on. i wouldn't say that. no. all we've gotta do is just get this wheel straightened out. tell you what. you take this to benson's garage, have them fix it, and charge it to me. thanks, mr. post. i just hope i get back in time to deliver my papers. ed: uh-oh. wilbur, we ought to have all the papers delivered before carol wakes up. we? well, why not? between us, we've got six legs. all right. i sure hope nobody sees us. they'll think we're delivering the racing form. our first stop is roger's house. put a paper in my mouth. no, i'll throw the papers. (groaning) oh, what are you groaning about? oh, yeah.

see, the whole idea is to keep your eye on the target, huh? i used to pitch in high school. i wind up, aim. i'll give this my old knuckle ball. wham! ball 1. wind must have shifted. let's forget roger. he can't read anyway. no, that paper's on the roof. i've gotta get it off. mr. hunt said one more paper on the roof, joey is finished. well, i'll get a ladder. you wait right here. i'd better deliver joey's papers myself. time and ed wait for no man.

addison, wake up! what's the matter? what happened? addison, sshh! you woke me up to tell me to keep quiet? there's a man on the roof. oh, that's ridiculous. (roger stammering) ah, don't worry, doll. mommy will protect you. ed? ed! please hurry! doll, the police are on the way! oh, don't you dare go out there! these are for you, i mean, to protect you. i'm the man, and i'm going out there. and after all these years, i thought you were a coward. this is no time to remind me. wilbur's gone! well, i heard a noise outside, and when i woke up, he wasn't in our room. i looked all over, but he's gone! well, maybe he went to look for the burglar. burglar? what burglar?

that must be him sneaking around the side of the house. all right, come on. -huh? -hey, hold it. what's going on here? -what do you think you're... -take it easy. (roger yelling) it's the police. they've got someone on the ground. it must be the burglar. give him another one, officers! roger: (groaning) oh! hit him one for me, too! and make it a good one! come on. i'll tell addison that they've got the burglar. poor doll. probably hiding in the garage. hey! how about that burglar? why, he's hitting that policeman with roger's golf club.

and he's wearing roger's robe, and... (scuffling) i intend to sue the police department this morning. look, mister, we got a call. we see you climbing a ladder, so we jump you. they'll buy that, george. well, can't you see that my husband is not the burglar type? lady, a guy in a robe at 6:00 in the morning is climbing a ladder with a hammer in one hand and a golf club in another. what type is that? the type that sues. we're standing here, and my husband is out there at the mercy of the burglar! -your husband? -yes! well, don't worry, lady. we've got the block surrounded. wilbur: get your hands off me! you don't understand! oh, you're safe. look, i've been trying to tell this man that i was simply delivering newspapers on my horse.

on horseback, in his pajamas. i intend to sue. you'll have to wait your turn. if my husband says he was delivering newspapers, then he... wilbur, why were you delivering papers? because joey didn't see the tree coming. did you, uh, hit him on the head with your club? hey, there's nothing wrong, wrong with me, just that when i was up on your roof, ed went ahead to deliver the rest of the papers. who is ed? our horse.

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(knock on door) come in. excuse me, mr. post. i wanted to thank you for helping me get my job back. oh, don't mention it, joey. gee, how did you deliver the papers so fast? i rode my horse. sometimes, if my bike breaks down again, could i borrow him? sure. you know something? you won't have to put any air in the tires. thanks a lot, mr. post. okay, joey. bye! will you hurry with that water, wilbur? my feet are killing me from delivering those newspapers. oh! ah! ahhh! ah. ah, what a relief! ed, that was nice of you to deliver the papers for that little boy.

yeah! oh, yeah. atta boy. o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o. i'm mister ed. a horse is a horse, of course, of course and no one can talk to a horse, of course that is, of course, unless the horse is the famous mister ed good morning, ed. good morning, wilbur. up pretty early, aren't you? well, i've got a new client coming in to see me. a mr. hodges wants to discuss some plans. good. the more you work, the more i eat.