-- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com hello. oh, hello. was today any better, master? oh, not too bad. not too bad, jeannie. i slipped and fell in a puddle of oil. and i lost my wallet. and i burned up a fuel-ratio chart i'd been working on for the last couple of weeks, but that is... i just don't know what's gone wrong, jeannie. i just-- oh, do not worry, master. it will not last much longer. i hope not. i don't think i can survive. you don't mind if i have dinner in bed? oh, i'm afraid not, master. we are expecting a guest. tonight? tonight? well, listen, i-- i'm not really in a mood to have guests tonight. why don't you, uh-- you tell mozart or shakespeare or king lear-- whoever it is. just tell them i'm tired. i'm not interested in having them. [knocking] oh, it is too late. oh, no, it's not. i'll get it, and i'll send them away.

hello. oh, hello. hi, i hope i'm not late. i'm helen wheeler. hello. hi, how are you? i'm so glad you could come. thank you. this is major nelson. how do you do? i know, i'm a big fan of yours. oh? oh, you two have so much in common. jeannie, um... jeannie. now just relax and pretend like this is your home. jeannie, could i speak to you a minute please? oh, well, i, uh-- i must see to the dinner. make yourselves comfortable. yeah. uh, you and jeannie old friends? well, we met in the beauty parlor this morning. ahh. your sister certainly thinks the world of you. yes, we have quite a nice relationship. my s-- my sister? she adores you.

would you excuse me just a second? i have to-- just make yourself at home, all right? certainly.

] jeannie. well, dinner will be ready in a minute, master. never mind about dinner. i wanna talk to you, sister. [laughs] oh, sister. yes, what do you think you're doing? well, i'm finding you a girlfriend. is she not pretty? and she can cook and sew. yeah, w-- wait a minute. what's going on? the last girl i even looked at, you turned into a chimpanzee. what have-- what have you got in store for this one? oh, well, i will never behave that way again, master. i have been thinking, and i want you to have all the girlfriends you wish. you what? after all, you are a-- a handsome, young bachelor. you should-- you should be going out every night. yeah, but i-- well, i thought that you and i had something-- oh, well, for-- forget about me, master. you will like helen, and you have a great deal in common. i found her through a computer machine

a computer machine at a dating club? helen graduated from the university of florida. she has a mistress degree. that-- that's a master's degree. oh, i thought when you were a boy, it was a master's degree, but if you were a girl-- no, no. no, it doesn't-- no, doesn't work that way. oh. well, anyway. she was voted miss north cocoa beach. she has worked as a model. she loves children. your sister's my biggest booster. yeah, she seems to be. well, if you will excuse me now, i think i will go, uh... um, clean up the patio. at midnight? helen: oh, i had no idea it was that late. would you mind calling a taxi for me? oh, major nelson will drive you home. sure, sure. why don't you come with us, huh? [phone rings] don't-- hello? don't answer the phone, would you, please? it is for me. i cannot talk now. [quietly] he's here.

then why aren't you out of there, darling? i will leave as soon as i can. i-i will meet you later. ah, good show. [laughs] and who was that, huh? mm. ah! a friend. shall we go? oh, yes, you two just run along. yeah, she probably has a date or something. yes. you do? uh-huh. you have a date? mm-hm. tonight? mm-hm. oh, well, i... well, i guess we better be running along. bye, jeannie. thanks for the dinner. oh, it was nothing. have a good time. thank you. i will. well, good night...sis. he's gone. oh, yes. if only i could tell him why i must leave. and have him beg you to stay? oh, believe me, darling, the best thing for you to do is to go on back home

but he is already suspicious. he's wondering why i'm introducing beautiful girls to him. [laughs] yes. i'd like to know too. i am doing it because i cannot bear the thought of him being alone all those years. i must get him married before i leave. get him--? [laughs] good thinking, good thinking. my, when they passed out brains in our family, they really gave you an extra helping. thank you. [laughs] she's incredible. imagine, a genie believing in jinxes. [laughs] well, time to go to work. [both laughing] thanks so much for bringing me home. my pleasure. will i see you again? well, i, uh, certainly-- [squeals] oh! oh!

[laughing] not if i can help it, darling. wait! oh! oh! and you think i did it? well, it wouldn't be the first time. a-are you sure you didn't get jealous-- oh, of course not, master. i wanted you to go out with her. all i was doing is standing there saying good night, and the whole trellis fell down on top of me. well, it, uh, must have been an accident. yeah, i-- i guess they don't build trellises the way they used to, huh? do you like her, master? huh? oh, yeah, yeah. she's a very nice girl. then you will see her again tomorrow night. no, you and i are going to the ballet tomorrow night. oh, well, i-- i am sorry. i cannot. i-- i made another date. oh, i see. well, hope you go and... have a lot of fun. mm-hm. i will. good. good night. good night. poor master.

it's major nelson here. has major healey come to the gate yet? i-- i see. when he does, would you have him drop in and see me at my office? yes, it's-- it's rather important. thank you. major? oh. i was in the building. i just had to drop in and say hello. nice to see you. oh, amanda. you really shouldn't barge in like this. i'm sure that major nelson's in the middle of something very important. no. i-- i just had a wonderful idea, major. alfred told me that you play a marvelous game of bridge. well, i-- i play occasionally, yes. well, now, if you're not going to be busy a week from tonight, alfred and i would love to have you come by the house and play bridge with us. you see, the leeds, our regular partners, are out of town. perhaps you'd like to bring someone. good idea. yes, major, how about, uh, your girlfriend? um, well, as a matter of fact, there is someone i'd like to bring. oh, lovely. well, we'll be looking forward to it. oh, well, thank you. oh, hi.

the gate said you wanted to see me. we were about to leave. hello, major healey. hello, mrs. bellows. oh, incidentally, major, do you play bridge? amanda. hm? [groans] goodbye. i can't wait to see him on the moon. is anything wrong? they said it was urgent. yeah, i got a problem. it's jeannie. did anything happen to jeannie? i think she's trying to get rid of me. why would she wanna do that? she's crazy about you. yeah, well, i thought so too. she brought a-- a beautiful girl home last night, roger. practically threw her at me. i mean, she was gorgeous. she said if i don't like this one, she'll get me another one. wait, wait, wait, wait. jeannie brought a beautiful girl home to you, and said if you didn't like her, she'd get another. she never did anything like this before. yeah, well, i happen to be free tonight, maybe the other girl, you could get for me. i think she's planning on-- on leaving me. did you have a fight or something? no, i didn't have any fight. i-- well, i don't think so. i don't know, i just don't know.

and she wants a new master. wha--? what do you mean? you're not so easy to live with, you know. who says so? all she wants to do is please you, and what do you do? what? you yell, you never take her to dinner. you always leave her home. you take her for granted. you wanna know something? you're a rotten master. i am not a rotten master. i happen to be very good. i gotta put up with a lot-- you gotta put up with a lot? that's pretty funny. you gotta put up with-- i waited all morning to hear you give me this kind of advice? you waited all morning? if you don't want my advice, why don't you just get out? you bet your life! yeah, you bet your life, yeah. oh. and i have to-- he-- i'm sorry. yeah, i'm-- i'm sorry too. besides, it's-- it's my office. yeah. it's your-- it's your office. silly argument.

you look very nice, master. oh, thanks, jeannie. i hope helen thinks so. oh, i am sure she will. the computing machine said she would be the perfect mate for you. oh, yeah. i can't thank you enough for finding helen for me, jeannie. she's really a wonderful girl. bright and beautiful and warm. warm? mm-hm. oh, well, i-- i'm glad. jeannie? yes, master. you know, um... i don't have to take helen out tonight. i mean, i thought maybe you and i could take a drive on the beach. oh, well, i'm sorry, master. but i cannot break my date. oh. i see. well... well, have fun. oh. thank you, master. i-- i will. i'm gonna have a lot of fun. oh, i hope so.

jeannie! jea-- what are you trying to do to me, anyway? i could have been killed. what happened? you know perfectly well what happened. the top of my car attacked me. oh, dear. oh, well, i--

you've fixed enough already. listen, if you're jealous of me because i'm taking helen out-- oh, no, master, no. i want you to take her out. yeah? mm-hm. you do? well, good. good. because i'm taking her out on a picnic tomorrow. hope you're hungry, 'cause i have nothing but food. oh, good, good. what did you bring? well, i have a little chicken and i have little sandwiches. yeah? and fruits. wait till you see this chicken. there we are. is there any left? what? orange juice. oh, sure. may i? [gasps] tony! oh, darling.

i did not. you did. listen, i'm taking helen out again, and just to make certain you're not gonna interfere, i want you to get back in your bottle. oh, but, master-- get. now, go on in. in. oh, no, you do not-- come on, in. but-- jeannie. i can't-- [squeals] very well, master. thank you. yeah.

tony, the canoe! [screaming] jeannie! somebody help! hey! over here, tony. helen, come here. helen: oh, help me. help! helen! stop. wait. come back. [laughs] all right, i don't know how you got out of there,

you're still in there. jeannie, would you come out of there, please? oh, you are home ear-- you are wet. uh-huh. oh, thanks. what happened? oh, just another one of my little accidents. wait a minute. you-- you couldn't have done it. you were in the bottle. you didn't do it. no. now, what's going on here? now, what is it? i am bringing you bad luck. who told you that? my sister. your si--? your sister? your sister's back here again? huh, your sister? she said that i must leave you for the next 15 years. i am under the terrible sign of the jinx. jeannie, don't you realize she's tricked you again? there's-- there's no terrible sign of the jinx. she's responsible for all these accidents. then i do not have to leave you? no, of course not. oh, i'm so happy! ah! shh. where is she? where is who? your sister. oh, i do not know.

well-- well, how are we go-- shh. going to do that? we are going to trap her. and we've gotta make her show herself, and then we'll trap her. oh, but master, she's very-- shh. she's very powerful. how are you going to do that? uh, well, we've gotta find some bait for the trap. uh, let's see. does she like, um, um, furs? furs? no. um... yachts? no. uh, caviar? no. uh, perfume? no. uh, men? no. yes. what, men? perfume. yeah? oh, she's so spoiled she makes her master keep her in a perfume bottle. yeah? [laughing] okay, we'll just spoil her a little more. uh, now i've gotta get dressed, i'm taking helen to a bridge party at dr.bellows' tonight. you're going out with helen tonight? well, it was your idea, you know. oh, but i-- jeannie, i'm doing it for you. [knocking on door] bellows: oh, here they are. amanda: yeah. well, good evening, major nelson. dr. bellows, mrs. bellows. this is helen wheeler.

sorry i'm late. oh. i had to drop into a store to get, uh, mrs. bellows a little present. well, now. how thoughtful of you, major. thank you. that's nice. uh... maybe you'd like to open it? now? yes. yes, why not? oh, miss wheeler, won't you, uh... please call me helen. let's see, let's see. oh, major, it's miss moderne. that is my very favorite. oh, really? thank you so much. i'm so glad you like it, it's nothing. maybe you'd like to try it, huh? why now? well, i love the smell of perfume, sir. oh. don't you? well, i-- all right. love, this is my favorite. [sniffs] mm. [mouths words] helen? well, all right. dr. bellows? major. oh, i'm sorry. oh, i'm sorry. bellows: major... can we begin now, please? yes, of course. [bellows humming] major. yes? it's your play. mm? oh, yes. all right, sir.

clubs are called for. oh. can i take it back? you have to. major, have you ever played this game before? oh, yes. my trick. helen: may i have some water? bellows: oh, certainly. excuse me. i'll get some too. uh... here you are, mrs. bellows. thank you very much. here you are, helen. thank you. you trumped my ace. huh? oh, oh... well, that... that was my card, yeah. what-- major, you have your whole hand exposed.

i'm sorry. gotcha! oh, i think you're mad. what are you doing? uh, mrs. bellows, i wonder if i could talk to you, please. yes, what? may i borrow your perfume? whatever for? i forgot it's helen's birthday, and, uh, she loves perfume. major, it's been opened. yes, i-- i know, but it's-- it's the sentiment that counts. she's very sentimental. well, if you think she'd like an unwrapped, open bottle of someone else's perfume, go right ahead. that's very kind of you. would you like the box? oh, major. i don't know what's the matter with you tonight. now, look-- it's-- it's 9:00, sir. so? well, i've been working for three and a half weeks on the sagittarius project. i had no idea. i'm sorry, i just can't keep my eyes open. i guess in that case, we can't expect-- helen. thank you so much, sir. you must come again. thanks for the bridge game. we'll do it again. good night. thank you, good night.

your towel. alfred. yes, amanda. darling, do you really think you're helping the major? hmm. jeannie, i got her. jeannie! yes, master. oh. i got her. oh, how wonderful. safely locked away. when are we going to let her out? we're not gonna let her out. you're gonna put her someplace where we won't have to worry about her again. oh, but master-- wait a minute. i went through a lot of trouble to catch that young girl. you get rid of her. put her someplace where we won't have to see her for 2000 years. oh, well, i cannot do that, master. but i have a better idea. what? there, we will mail her back to her master in baghdad.

[sighs] oh, you look beautiful, master. oh, thank you. i suppose you will be going to the surf for dinner. mm-hm.

that's right. it is a beautiful night for it. yeah, yeah. full moon. have a wonderful time. i will. a-and do not worry about getting home early. i won't. i will be fine. good. good night, jeannie. good night. well, why should he not go out with helen? the computer said she would be perfect for him. oh, what does the old computer know? [knocking on door] who is it? me. master. well, aren't you dressed yet? they're not gonna hold a table. it's a very busy restaurant. but i thought-- you know i hate to have a date keep me waiting. now will you hurry up? oh, master. oh, i am so happy. jeannie. the next time you wanna know who's right for me... don't ask a machine. ask me. [knocking on door] who is it? me. oh, it's roge. hi. hi, roge. hi. you sure have a sweet-smelling mailbox. look what just i found, a bottle of perfume.

[screaming] [ bellows: no, major. for the 10th time, the answer is no. i-i really don't think it's a terribly good idea, sir. i honestly believe i could accomplish a lot more work at the office. oh, uh, nonsense. phone ringing constantly, people running in and out with questions. this report is important, and i want you to have a place completely free of distractions. yes, sir. oh. there's that report i was looking for. now, this should come in very handy. besides, general burger wants the report by the end of the week.

yes, sir. well, uh, i see. if we could take three days, 18 hours a day, we might be able to finish. not might, major. must. now, uh-- uh, just think of yourself as being chained to a worktable. sir? well, that always helped me. oh, all right. well, uh, good luck. thanks. oh, uh-- [chuckles] oh, uh... and, uh, remember: no distractions. yes, sir. yes, sir. do not worry, master. [gasps] i heard dr. bellows. but with my help, you will be finished with your report in five minutes. [sighs] then we can go to the beach. there's a lovely beach in jamaica with a white sand, and blue water and little fishes. yeah. no, no, no. jeannie, this kind of work is not in your line. you do not want my help? mm. no. no. and the sooner i get started, the sooner-- here, would you hold that? the sooner i'll finish. tsk. yes, master. but at least i can help you get started.

jeannie? jeannie, what are you--? there. oh. [groans] there. now you are ready to work, master. i will go make you some fresh turkish coffee. [chuckles] oh. thank you. oh, i forgot, the report has to be, uh-- well... [chuckles] you are plunging in, aren't you? yes, well, i... didn't wanna waste any time, sir. i--

you're late for work. you grab your 10-gallon jug of coffee, and back out of the garage. right into your wife's car. with your wife watching. she forgives you... eventually. your insurance company, not so much. they say you only have their basic policy. don't basic policies cover basic accidents? of course, they say... as long as you pay extra for it.

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well, it may not be a bad idea. huh? oh, uh, nothing. uh, what i came back to tell you was that gen. burger wants the report in triplicate. in triplicate? yes. yes. well, good luck. thank you. heh-heh. chain on your leg. [both laughing] [door opens, closes] [groans] here's your coffee, master. yeah. thank you-- jeannie, would you just remove the chain, please? oh, but master, dr. bellows said-- well, i just don't think it's fair for you to do everything for me. oh. but that is a genie's job, to help her master. please take this off. please? oh, yes, master. now...what else would you like me to do for you, master? oh. i don't know. why don't you go take a walk? or, uh-- here. read a book. that's a pretty interesting technical book. uh, anything. just-- just as long as you leave me alone. i-- why don't you go help somebody else, huh? someone else? who? yeah. well, i don't know. i know. someone without a genie. yeah. oh, it would be great fun.

all right. oh, thank you, master. yeah, good. good, good. you go find a stranger and help him. find a stranger? no, jeannie, you wouldn't do that. jeannie? jeannie? jeannie?! no, no, milton. for that kind of a job, we need help. girard, all of our contacts are either occupied or they are up the river. we cannot find help. someone is asking for help. oh, i would be most happy to help you. beat it, sister. you do not want my help? now, why would you wanna help us? because all of your friends are up the river. let's get rid of her, milton. just a moment, girard. do you happen to own a car, angel pie? n-no. but i-i can get one.

if you can get that little car and meet us at the corner of 12th and main say, about an hour, you will restore our faith in humankind. oh, thank you, sir. [claps] [tires screeching] but i do not understand. if the money is yours, why do you not take it out of the bank? my father, mr. walsingham, happens to be the president of that very bank where i want you to make the withdrawal. will he not give you the money? no. and you know why not? because i wanna donate it to the transylvanian orphans society. his father wouldn't give them orphans a dime. nah. oh, that is terrible. i will be honored to help you. i knew you would.

but how do i get the money? oh. just hand this note to the teller. when he reads that, he'll give you everything he's got. oh, how lovely. ha. i will be right back. milton? huh? drive me to the police station. i wanna give myself up. oh, what are you talking about? it's perfect. milton. any dame who's stupid enough to believe that story, has got to land us in the clink. come on, let's go. excuse me. uh, can you tell me where may i buy some money? thank you. thank you. good afternoon. may i help you?

oh, i think we-- is there something you do not understand? oh. how lovely. [chuckles] oh, thank you. you will be happy to know this money is going to a very good cause. bye-bye. stop, thief! thief? thief. mr. walsingham. thief! [alarm ringing] where? where? thief! where? huh. huh. oh-- oh, god. oh, god. god. oh, my goodness. where? don't-- don't just stand here. come on. we've been robbed! stop, thief. mr. walsingham.

[grunts] mr. walsingham. hold it a second. there. now i've helped more people. oh, my master will be so pleased. oh, thank you. excuse me. the most terrible thing happened. someone tried to rob your father's bank. [yells indistinctly] right here. they-- over there. stop, thief! oh, look, he got away again. [engine starts] [talks indistinctly]

oh, uh, good evening, major nelson. sorry to barge in on you like this. uh-- uh, this is inspector conway. how do you do, sir? how do you do? mm. heh. still hard at work, i see. oh, yes, sir. an order's an order. i haven't moved from this spot since this afternoon. not even to take a little ride, say about 2:30? a ride? mm, no. this headline mean anything to you? uh-- "daring daylight bank holdup, glamorous blond gets $4000." no, no. why? should it? it might. considering that your car has been identified as the getaway vehicle. what, my car? well, that's impossible. this afternoon, you said that someone borrowed you car. yeah, that's-- that's right. yes, um-- yes, i did say that. who borrowed it? [clears throat] uh-- well, i don't remember. see? he doesn't remember. you don't remember? look, inspector, i think it's obvious what happened. well, tell me, what happened? what do you mean? what happened? oh. yeah-- well, uh...

and, uh... it was stolen by the bank robber. now, that's reasonable, isn't it? uh-huh. that's reasonable, isn't it? uh-huh. except that his car is parked in front of his house. yeah-- what? yeah, there-- it's out there all right, yeah. nice of the thief to bring it back, wasn't it? yeah. no, i mean, uh, well-- i'll have to ask you to come down to the station with me. can't it wait until the morning, inspector? major nelson is working on a top priority report for nasa. all right. but i'll be back. oh, thank you. thank you, sir. uh... [door opens] [door closes] tell me you're not involved. tell me you're not involved in any way. is that an order, sir? yes. i'm not involved in any way. i believe you. and remember. don't let me down. [door opens] [door closes] [groaning]

i will give myself up. jeannie. and when they ask me if i know you, i will not tell them. even if they torture me... jeannie. ...i will not tell them that you are my master. jeannie. and then they will put me in jail. and you will come to see me on visiting days. in baghdad, visiting days were tuesdays and thursdays. i wonder-- would you please just cut it out? you will not come to visit me? how could you rob a bank? oh, it was easy. i did it with a little piece of paper. [laughing] well, i did not know i was doing it. my friends tricked me. your friends? what kind of friends? the ones you told me to meet in the park. i--? the-- the ones i told you to meet in the park? i was trying to help them. i only did it because you were busy-- all right. i know. it's all my fault. now y-you listen to me, young lady. by tomorrow morning, i want you to get that money back to the bank, and the robbers to the police, understand? yes, master. [chuckles] are you not glad you have me to straighten things out for you? [chuckling] yeah. yeah, i sure am. jeannie-- i'm going. you better get back to where-- jeannie? jeannie. [sighs]

master? oh! do you want me to give the bank money to the-- to the police, and the bank robbers to the bank, or the other way around? the other way around. yes, master. immediately. [chuckles] right. [sighs] [rustling paper] [mouths words] master? mm? which shall i do first? get the bank robbers to the police, and the bank-- here, i've written it out for you. oh. ha-ha. that's clever. [both chuckle] i only wanted to do it right. go! you know-- one for you... and one for me. and one for you. one for me. and one for you. one for me. and one for you. and one for me. i gotta hand it to you, milton. that was one sweet plan. and one sweet little pigeon. don't you forget that.

oh, boy, money. one, two, three, four. milton. the pigeon just flew in. please get your things ready. my master has instructed me to take you to the police. the police?! why, ma'am, what on earth for? because you tricked me. thank you. [groans] [crash] now, i'm going to take this money back to the bank. to the bank? of course. that's where it came from. oh, but ma'am, the bank is closed. oh, that does not matter. i can get in. you can? and now, we are-- uh, we are-- i am going to take you to the police. mm-hm. no, girard. are you ready? the lady is right. holy smokes. she's contagious. we have committed a crime, girard. we must pay our debt to society. dear lady... are you sure you can get inside that bank? well, of course. dear lady.

i have only one regret. that i cannot put that money back into the bank with my own hands. then i wouldn't have this terrible burden of guilt. do you really mean that? i swear it on my little wife's hand. but you're not mar-- [stick hits shoe] all right. we will-- we will go to the bank first, and then go to the police. i will never forget this. neither will i. the car still outside, lady? no, but i can get it. well, then, dear lady, you just get it, and meet us at the bank in half an hour. very well. oh. my master is going to be so pleased. [giggles] her master's gonna be so pleased? you should've let me bop her. dumbbell. the papers don't know anything about us. they only know about that lady. if we can get inside that bank, we can wipe it out. [chuckles] uhh. that's mine!

no. i-- i didn't say magic carpet. no, no. i don't think s-- [exasperated grunt] master, we are going to put the bank money back in the bank. yeah, uh-- oh, boy, are you in trouble. uh... no, uh... i'm waiting for that material from the lab, sir. uh, yeah. just a moment. we are going to need your car again. would you just be quiet? [laughs] no, not you, sir. no, i was just, uh-- yeah. uh, right. right you are, sir. i-i'll-- i'll get that as soon as i can. good-- what? uh-- hey-- hey! wait a minute! [phone ringing] oh. oh. what did she say? we're gonna put the money back in the bank. we're gonna put the money back in the bank. [phone continues ringing] i tell you, she's setting us up, milton. i don't like it. it's a trap. you may be right. let's decamp. yoo-hoo! i am over here. shh! silence, my little pumpkin. we don't wanna wake up the children. they might be sleeping.

you brought the money. i knew you would. well, we gave a solemn oath, lady. well, shall we go in? but what about the alarm system? oh, do not worry about that. i have taken care of everything. milton. let's offer her a partnership. inspector, that's ridiculous. he swore that he wasn't involved. his car is at the bank? at 2 a.m.? well, he's undoubtedly just making a deposit. a night deposit. 12th and main. i'll be right down. [groans]

i wish she wouldn't do these things. master? [gasps] what is it? what are you doing here? what am i doing here? what are you doing here? oh, we are putting the money back in the vault. we? you mean you opened the vault for those guys? well, of course, master. you told me, "bank money to the bank." i know what i told you. just don't do anything anymore, would you, please? yes, master. turn on the lights, will you? but you told me not to do anything.-- i know. just turn on the lights. yes, master. girard. somebody turned on the lights. huh? girard! huh? oh, good. now i can see. would you mind investigating it? what? investigate. oh, sure. jeannie, these guys are dangerous. if they are dangerous, you had better let me help you. no. i'm well-trained in unarmed combat. now, you go over there and sit down. oh, but master-- go on, go on.

all right, you guys, come on out of there. uh, hi. uh... [chuckling] now, uh, i think we can talk this over, fellas. girard. a-all right, that's enough of that. i'm not kidding you. master? yes? what is it? [chuckles] what is this? what--? i'm not helping. what is this? what is it? i-- [girard growling] [screams] now take it easy, will you? [yells] [gasps] [girard growling] aah! [yells] [gasps] what is this? what kind of help--? oh, master, you're doing beautifully. [gasps] [yelling] [jeannie shrieks] you are sure you would not like me to help you, master?

oh. oof! [grunts] [laughing] now wait a-- wait a minute. i'm gonna open you up like a can of sardines. tony: oh, no. no, wait-- whoa! what is--? major-- major nelson. what is this all about? well, i, uh-- bellows: you'll find that major nelson has an explanation for almost everything. uh, you can explain it, can't you? [giggling] well... uh. i'm afraid i'm gonna have to tell you the truth, sir. i know what you're going to tell me.

had been used for the bank robbery, you tracked down the bank robbers and captured them single-handedly. right, major? i couldn't have explained it better myself, sir.

i really don't understand you, major nelson. in fact, i never have. we've been through some baffling experiences before, but this-- this is incredible. would you mind telling me what you're doing in armor? never mind. all i can say is that i've never been so relieved in my life. thank you. congratula-- i-- [sighs] oh. he's done it to me again.

green acres is the place to be farm livin' is the life for me land spreadin' out so far and wide keep manhattan, just give me that countryside new york is where i'd rather stay i get allergic smelling hay i just adore a penthouse view darling, i love you, but give me park avenue the chores the stores fresh air times square