come and knock on our door come and knock on our door we've been waitin' for you we've been waitin' for you where the kisses are hers and hers and his three's company, too come and dance on our floor come and dance on our floor take a step that is new take a step that is new we've a lovable space that needs your face three's company, too you'll see that life is a ball again laughter is callin' for you down at our rendezvous down at our rendezvous

( humming "charleston" )

( chrissy starts humming ) uh, chrissy... this is fun. it certainly is. am i doing it right? i didn't know you could do the charleston. is that what i'm doing? yeah. how'd you pick it up so fast? i don't know. i just start moving and everything falls into place. that's so true. but it doesn't come that easy for me. i have to go by the book. charleston in ten easy lessons. yeah, i'm learning it for madeline wentworth. she's taking me to a roaring '20s party this saturday. 23 skiddoo! boop-boop-bee-do! hey, maybe i can help you learn it. yeah, you want to? that's good thinking. okay, right here. couples... okay, put your hand on my shoulder uh, which one? uh, this one. then i take your other hand and then i hold you very close.

very close. our cheeks should be touching. our bodies should be as one. am i helping? you're not hurting. okay, now, what do we do? now, uh... we dance. you go back with this foot on three. one, two, three. ( both humming "charleston" ) now, dip. ( laughs ) okay, now what do we do? i can think of a lot of things. what kind of things? they're all the same things. jack! hey, guys. guys, there's going to be trouble. big trouble. we'll be all right as soon as jack remembers what to do next. what's the problem? well, i just talked to maxine devlin. big trouble, jack. i don't care what she said. i never touched her. the trouble's not you-- it's roper. he made a pass at her? that dirty old man...

yeah, jack. stop interrupting. go ahead, janet. well, maxine said... who's maxine? she's the tenant in 301. you know, the redhead with the beautiful soft skin. i thought you said you never touched her. well, uh... only around the elbow. i took her arm once to help her across the street. yeah! anybody want to hear this? yeah, but you keep stopping. maxine said that roper came upstairs this morning and raised her rent $75. $75? oh, poor maxine. yeah... poor us. she lives in a furnished apartment, too. if he raised her rent, he'll raise ours. i can hardly afford what i'm paying now! i know. i know i can't make it. me neither. i'm stretching it as far as i can now. we're all stretching a bit. not as well as chrissy, but... what are we going to do? we'll fight him. we'll take him to court. yeah, yeah.

legally, he can raise the rent if he wants to. well... what about mrs. roper? she's on our side. maybe she can talk him out of doing it. uh-uh. not when it comes to money. ( sighs ) well, don't you two have any ideas? do i have to do all the thinking around here? we can't let that happen, no. i got it. what? what? what does roper really want? a raise in the rent. no. then we don't have anything to worry about. no, chrissy, look. i know this guy. what he really wants is people to respect him. people to admire him, people to pay attention to him. he wants people to love him. and we're going to see that he gets that. we can't afford to hire all those people. chrissy, honey, i think the people jack's talking about are us. right.

when he gets here, we'll... we'll butter him up flatter him and treat him like he's one of the family. he's right. a member of your own family can't raise the rent. it would be like, um... incest! ( phone ringing ) would you get that, helen? i'm working on my books. well, i'm working on my face. i'll get it. your job is tougher than mine. hello. oh, hi, jack. i'm fine. she's fine. we're both fine. the building is fine. everything's fine. now, what can i do for you? you want to what? oh, hang on.

oh, isn't that sweet? tell him we'll be delighted. mrs. roper will be delighted. me? it depends on what you're serving. oh, stanley, when people invite you to dinner you don't say things like that to them. we'll be there. he wants us there by 7:00. what are they serving? lamb chops, mashed potatoes and peas salad and hot cocoa. i don't like it. but those are your favorite dishes. that's just what i mean. i smell a rat, helen. oh, stanley, you're always so suspicious. they just want your company, that's all. why would people want my company? i've been asking myself that for years. the rent. what? they know i'm thinking of raising the rent. you are? why? well, everything's going up.

water is going up, gas is going up. don't forget-- there's an energy shortage. how can i forget? you remind me every night. anyway, i'm raising the rents $75. seventy-fi..? oh, stanley! those few little things couldn't come to $75 a month. what about my services? isn't that worth something? i mean, can you name anybody in this building who can't get me when they need me? how's that? oh, it's perfect. roper's got to be impressed. jack, this is absolutely the last time i'm going to run out to that market for you by myself. why? some creep wanted to carry this home for me. what's wrong with that? he meant his home. ( phone ringing ) i'll get it. you okay?

oh, good. you had me worried. any guy who would steal a bag of groceries-- there's no telling what he might do. did you get it all? yeah, i got everything on the list. oh, and i had 89 cents left over so i got a nice bottle of wine for mr. roper. 89 cents? yeah, well, it was the cheapest i could find. you could have shopped around. you're in the regal beagle? well, you're just around the corner from here. do you want to talk to jack? oh, okay. great. all right. bye-bye. who was that? a friend of yours. wanted to know if you were in the navy. what did you tell him? i said no, you were in the kitchen. i'll bet he is still trying to figure that one out. no! it's a joke. he got it right away.

he said that he knew a jack tripper in the navy who was from san diego and he figured it must be you so he wanted to drop in and say hello. did he give his name? yeah. jim walsh. whoa! oh! jim wa... jim walsh?! he said you'd remember him. who's jim walsh? a navy friend of jack's. jim walsh never had a friend. nobody liked him. that was the one thing we could all agree on. this guy is a maniac. chrissy, if he calls again... he's not. oh, good. he's coming over. ( moans ) he's coming here tonight? yeah, well, he's in the regal beagle. the one night we're trying to get on roper's good side along comes jim walsh, who'll ruin everything. oh, jack, maybe it's not so bad. maybe he's changed. not jim walsh. that's the meanest person i ever met. one time this guy next to him sat on his hat by accident. jim walsh hauled off and broke his jaw and when the guy's friends tried to help jim walsh beat them up, too. couldn't anybody stop him?

to drag him out of the church. i don't believe you. it's true. the last time we met, we had a fight. you did? why? it was something i said. what did you say? i think it was "hello." they had to call the shore patrol. he put me in sick bay for a week. ( knocking on door ) he must be here. uh... well, maybe he just wants to call and talk over old times. maybe he wants to finish the fight. whatever he wants, i'll be ready for him! uh, jack? what?! i think you should take off your apron. huh?! take off the apron! i was going to. oh! be calm. ( knocking continues ) i'm calm. chrissy: let's just be calm. jack tripper, please? jim walsh?! jack? is that you? jim... jim walsh jack? i had no idea that...

yeah, that's you.

be gentle. up, up. no! no! okay, over this way. come on. just a little bit more. okay, down. ow. ow. i hope you're satisfied. not if he's still moving. i'll get an ice pack. why did you hit me this time? don't play innocent with me, tripper. you cost me my stripes, that's why. me? yes, you. ensigngnmith'd never have known who hit him if you hadn't squealed. me? yes, you. i finally figured that one out. you've got to be crazy. i couldn't have squealed to the captain.

you were? you're the one who put me there. oh, yeah. i sent you bouncing down those stairs like a bowling ball. here you are, jack. thank you, chrissy but i don't think that'll do much good. why not? he hit me on the jaw. ow! sorry. now that you know that you were wrong don't you have something to say? so i made mistake. a mistake? he should have hit somebody else. why? he doesn't even know us. uh, look, why don't you just apologize to jack and leave? what? and let jerk be one up on me? that's jack. he was always jerk to me. let's just forget the apology. how about leaving? okay. just as soon as he evens the score. what? go on. you hit me. i will not. come on, you got to hit me.

i can't hit you. why not? you owe me, don't you? well, yeah, but you're blind. now, you hit me, damn it. just because i am blind is no reason to treat me like a second-class citizen. now go on, give it your best shot. there is no way i'd hit you. and there's no way i'll let a panty waist like you be one up on me. i'm not leaving until you hit me. ( doorbell ringing ) ah, that's the ropers. look... i mean, listen, uh... we got guests so would you mind leaving? right after you hit me. chrissy, try to get rid of him. you want me to hit him? no. look, uh, uh... this is a very important dinner party. i am staying right here until jack hits me. oh, boy. hi. come on in. oh, hi. hi, janet. oh... i didn't know you had company. we don't. mr. and mrs. roper, this is jim walsh.

how do you do? hi. he can't see. ( yelling ): i'm very pleased to meet you. this is my wife, mrs. roper. i'm blind, not deaf. oh, i'm sorry. pleased to meet you. i'm holding out my hand. now we're shaking hands. are you a friend of jack's? yeah, we were in the navy together. they let people like jack in the navy? people like what? you know... what? what's happening? oh, oh, mr. roper has one hand on his hip and he's tinkling with the other.

not me, jack. oh, hi, mr. and mrs. roper. dinner's almost ready. we'll start on the salad. mr. roper, right over here. oh, my goodness the table looks just lovely. you sit right here. oh, thank you, jack. oh, isn't mr. walsh joining us? no. i'm waiting for jack to hit me. what? we were playing blackjack. i don't see any cards. no. they're in the kitchen. the kitchen. my lamb chops. i'll still be here, jack. say, jim, you know, i was just wondering if maybe you'd leave before you spoil jack's dinner party. yeah. can't you tell when you're not wanted? what kind of friend are you? you broads really... we're not broads. you ladies really look out for him. well, of course. we're roommates. roommates? you mean, you all three live together here? it's not what you think. oh, yeah?

no. stop. come on, jack, you going take a poke at me or not? what's he talking about? nothing. nothing. eat your salad before it gets cold. jack, listen, you're going to have to do something about jim. there's no way we can butter up roper with him in the way. i'm busy with dinner. can't you girls keep him occupied? i could show him around the apartment. so you were in the navy, huh? i bet you got some great stories. oh, yeah, i do. did you ever hear the one about the guy running down the street stark naked? hold it. we don't want to hear that. speak for yourself, stanley. i'm talking about war stories. where were you hurt? were you in vietnam? no. it was arkansas. did we have a war in arkansas? no. i had a little business there. what happened? my still blew up.

i'm going to get it back. a doctor said this is only temporary. oh, that's nice. i bet you can't wait to see us all. you lose. i got it. i got it. he can't see, right? so? so you tell him i left the apartment. it won't work. why not? ( shrieks ) it's no good, jack. you can't sneak out on me. i can smell you. all right, you're asking for it. it's what i'm waiting for. oh, no, you're not going to get me that way. i'm not leaving until you hit me. we'll ignore you. you hear that? just ignore him. ignore him, everybody. he's not here. you're not here. you'll be sorry. excuse me, mr. and mrs. roper. hang on a second. y'all mind if i sit down here?

did you change your mind about having dinner, mr. walsh? no. i'm just waiting for jack to hit me. what's all this hitting business? ignore him. enjoy your meal. go ahead and eat, stanley. i can't eat with a blind man watching me. ignore him. now, there we go. ah... and, mr. roper, uh... how about some nice wine? oh, my favorite wine. here, here, let me pour it for you. you don't have to do that. it's good practice for me. hey, hey, hey. ignore it. this isn't happening. but it's cold. oh, mr. roper...

okay, jack, you going to hit me now, jack? food all right? mr. roper, you better take your pants off right away. what? takes more than a little wine to get stanley out of his pants. i-i want you to enjoy your meal now, okay? oh, jack, it's delicious. what are you folks having? lamp chops, my favorite. oh, really? i hate them. hey! hey! hey! ignore him. he just threw my lamb chop on the floor. let me find it for you. no, you don't have to. oh, no, no. it's my fault. i'll find it for you. ignore it. well, there's no lamb chops over there. let me see what i can find over here. he's destroying my furniture! ignore it. is that my radio? jack, let's just ignore it.

see if i can find some more chops. he's in our bedroom. janet, now we're here to have a wonderful dinner with our wonderful friends and that's just exactly what we're going to do. ( glass shattering ) ( glass shattering ) that wasn't the kitchen. would you all excuse me for a moment? everybody ignore him. while we're ignoring him could you do me a favor? anything you say. hit him. hit him! oh, jack. hit him. jack, you can't hit a blind... lady, keep your big fat nose out of this. hit him! chrissy? he knocked the stuffing out of your teddy bear. hit him! jack: okay, you win. it's about time. let me know when it's coming, okay? okay. it's going to be a right cross

jack! jack! oh, honey. no! you punched him again! yeah, serves him right for trying to hit a blind man. come on, jack. you pay your car insurance premium like clockwork. month after month. year after year. then one night, you hydroplane into a ditch. yeah... surprise... your insurance company tells you to pay up again. why pay for insurance if you have to pay even more for using it? if you have liberty mutual deductible fund , you could pay no deductible at all. sign up to immediately lower your deductible by $100. and keep lowering it $100 annually, until it's gone. then continue to earn that $100 every year. there's no limit to how much you can earn and this savings applies to every vehicle on your policy. call to learn more. switch to liberty mutual

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you should have ignored him, jack. come on. we're leaving. so soon? i'm hungry. come on, helen. we'll break out the peanut butter. mr. roper, wait. about the rent... the rent? yeah. i'm not raising your rent. you're not? you're not? no. you're going to have enough trouble paying

three's company was videotaped in front of a studio audience. come and knock on our door come and knock on our door we've been waitin' for you we've been waitin' for you where the kisses are hers and hers and his three's company, too come and dance on our floor come and dance on our floor take a step that is new take a step that is new we've a lovable space that needs your face three's company, too you'll see that life is a ball again laughter is callin' for you down at our rendezvous down at our rendezvous