p played songs that made the hit parade guys like us we had it made those were the days and you knew where you were then girls were girls and men were men mister, we could use a man like herbert hoover again didn't need no welfare state everybody pulled his weight gee, our old lasalle ran great

you know, arch, i'm really looking forward to tomorrow. i think we're gonna have a lot of fun. yeah. you bet we will. i want to tell you something else. it makes me very happy you're doing something normal for a change like fishing. up to now, it's been nothing but books and bedrooms. here. hold the end of this now, huh? oh. i hate to interrupt you while you're being friends. then why don't you leave us alone? all i want to know is what do my two fisherboys want to eat tonight? i think the word for it is dinner. tonight you've got a choice. you can have yesterday's chicken or the day before's meatloaf. and you can have them hot or cold. you can have the meatloaf cold and the chicken hot, or the chicken cold and the meatloaf hot.

well, i think-- or you can have tomorrow's liver today. why don't you just surprise us, huh? edith: hello, gloria. michael: hi, honey. how was your day at work? fine. that's good. do you want to eat here tonight or are you and mike gonna go out? i don't know. honey, if you want to go out it's all right. i don't care. good. i figure we're getting up early to go fishing tomorrow, we might as well stay home, huh? whatever you say. gloria, are you all right? yeah. you're acting kind of funny. oh, i'm sorry. i won't do it again. gloria, would you like to help me get the dinner on? sure, ma. what are you sitting there for? you waiting to get your picture took? go on. help your mother get the dinner on. will you hurry up? i'm hungry. [sobs] gloria, what's the matter? leave me alone!

what? i didn't hear myself say nothing. where is gloria? oh, gee, she's upstairs crying her eyes out. oh, my. what happened? i don't know. i told her to go on in and help you set the table and the waterworks started. oh. something's bothering her. she put me in mind of you when you was going through the change. oh, archie, i think she's too young for that. gee, thanks for straightening me out, edie. whatever it is, this is your fault, this here. you should've talked to her about this. how could i when i didn't know it was gonna happen? i'm talking about years ago. you should've took your daughter aside. you should've said, "gloria, there are gonna be times "when you're gonna be a pain in the neck "and you're gonna upset your father. don't ever do that." oh, all right. [footsteps approaching]

all right, shush. make out like you didn't notice nothing. i'm glad you're back. do you feel all right now, gloria? oh, yeah, she's fine, ma. i'm sorry i acted that way. oh, think nothing of it, little girl. nobody here noticed nothing, did we, edith? no. i was out in the kitchen when it happened. you told me about it. gloria, dear, do you feel all right enough to help me with the dinner? sure, ma. what's the story? what's the matter with your wife? i don't know. how'd you get her to come down? i just asked her. she said, "i'll come down. there's nothing wrong with me." something's depressing her. oh, well, that's very simple to understand. michael: what? don't you know nothing about women at all? when they're down in the dumps this way, you wanna cheer them up, you buy them a new hat. gloria doesn't wear hats. maybe that's what's the matter with her. she wants a hat. go buy her a hat. i'll lend you the money. that's not it.

gee, what a joke. serve it up, huh? gloria, have some meatloaf, it's delicious. i'm not hungry. all right, over here, then, over here. what's the matter, gloria? i don't know, ma. i just feel blah. well, you felt all right this morning when you left. yeah. i was fine until i got on the subway tonight. did somebody bother you? oh, gee, some of them animals on the subway, they ought to be chained up. it's nothing like that. listen, if i was the mayor of this city, i'd quarantine them subways. how would people get to work? let them eat cake. gloria, tell me what happened. well, i was feeling good, i was. i was glad it was the end of the week. i was really looking forward to coming home. anyway, i got on the subway, i sat down, and i began to look at the faces around me and they all looked the same, dull and blank. and all of a sudden i thought, "what's the use?"

what? that's right. any time i ever come home with my tail dragging behind me, that's what my mother done to me. she'd grab me by the nose, open up the kisser and a good dose right down the pipe. boy, that cheered me up every time. castor oil cheered you up? damn right. it was either be cheered up or get another dose. gloria, maybe it'll help you if you talk about it a little more. what's there to talk about? it's just there's nothing to look forward to. oh, gloria, you've got your whole life ahead of you and you've got mike. oh, gee, she's feeling bad enough. don't make it worse. stop with that. oh, nuts to you. eat something, gloria. you'll feel better. it's just that it's always the same thing day after day. it's all so useless. hey, gloria, honey, i know how you feel. sometimes i hate my day too.

in a single day that drive me crazy? i gotta get up, i gotta brush my teeth, i have to shave and i hate to shave. there are mornings when i stand there debating with that mirror, "should i shave or should i cut my throat?" but i shave. you know, it's too bad you always lose that argument. i'm talking to gloria. will you lay off with the stupid remarks? it's my table-- you're not helping. we've got a problem. don't tell me-- that's another thing that's always the same, the two of you arguing and always about the same thing. nothing every changes in this crummy house. what do you mean, "crummy house"? where do you get that stuff? gloria, that ain't nice. your father and me have always tried to give you a good home. yeah. but it's always the same, every night the same. "how was your day?" "lousy." the same, "what's for dinner?" the same, "get me a beer." is that all life's about? excuse me. wait a minute. you ain't getting away with that, little girl. come on, now. this ain't no royal palace here.

but i think we've done pretty good. not in my book you didn't. well, just what do you mean? ooh! what is this here? gloria feels upset. i'm sure she don't mean what she's saying. yes, i do! don't you understand?

edith, edith, where are you? edith: in the kitchen, archie. oh, you're in the kitchen, huh? why didn't you wake me up a little bit earlier? it's after 5 a.m., i'm gonna have to rush to make that fishing boat. you've got plenty of time. edith, and the house is as cold as an icebox. didn't you think to turn up the heat? oh, i don't think we should, archie, not with the energy crisis. oh, the energy crisis. i wish you would come up with one of them hot flashes of yours

come on, come on. here's your coffee. now, i got everything ready. oh, yeah? oh, yeah. i've been up a couple of hours. i couldn't sleep last night. i think because of what gloria said to us. oh, listen, that daughter of yours is pretty fresh there, you know. people tell me that she's got my eyes, but that mouth of hers, that's your side of the family. imagine a daughter saying them things to her mother and father. i don't think that was gloria talking. oh, gee, what, the devil make her do it? maybe i ought to get one of them priests in to exercise with her. no, something was bothering gloria, so she took it out on the people that are closest to her. well, what kind of talk is that, she don't wanna end up like us, huh? we didn't end up so bad, did we?

oh, yeah. after all, you got a nice life. you got a home here. you got clothes, you got a color tv out there. you got all the dishes you need. can you ask for anything i wouldn't give you? well, i could use another $10 a week for the house money. well, you ain't getting that. yeah. well, here you are. where are you going? i better call mike. you mean to tell me that meathead ain't been down to breakfast yet? no. get out of the way. i'll call him myself. you can't depend on that guy for nothing. well, what are you doing up so early, little girl? i couldn't sleep. oh, well, i'm not surprised. how could anybody sleep in a crummy house like this? oh, daddy, i'm sorry about what i said last night. you're sorry? well, that goes double for me. daddy, please don't be angry with me. i didn't know what i was saying. i mean, whatever i said, it had nothing to do with you. i guess i was talking that way-- hold it. hold it. hold it. hold it. if it's female, don't tell me, huh?

are you all right? yeah, daddy. i'm all right. well, if you're gonna sit down here, it's cold. maybe you ought to get your blanket, huh? no, thank you. why don't you go back up to bed? oh, no. i'm afraid i'll wake michael. you'll wake michael? you mean to tell me he ain't out of that sack yet? the one time i wanted him with me, and he ain't here! that bum could sleep a hundred years. oh, jeez, look at this. rip van meathead. get up out of there. i'm up. i'm up. get out of the bed, there! what are you doing? here's your pants. sh, sh! get them on you, huh? sh! i can never depend on you for-- hold it! hold it! what are you doing here? you're putting your pants on over your pajamas. it's all right. it'll be cold on the boat. i don't have any long underwear. all right, just hurry up, huh? will you shush! why are you shushing me? i don't want to wake up gloria!

what's she doing downstairs? she's sitting in a chair down there. she's all right. how do you know? she told me. what did she say? she said, "i'm all right." will you hurry it up, please! oh, i was worried about her. last night she wouldn't talk to me. it was like there was a pane of glass between us. do you know that we don't catch that fishing boat, there ain't gonna be no deep-sea fishing. we'll have to stay on the dock with the old people. hold it. hold it. hold it! what are you doing here? what? what about the other foot? there ain't no sock on it. i'll get to it. don't you know that the whole world puts on a sock and a sock and a shoe and a shoe? i like to take care of one foot at a time. that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard in my life! it's just as quick my way. wait a minute. that ain't the point.

listen to me! suppose there's a fire in the house and you've got to run for your life. your way, all you've got on is one shoe and a sock. my way, you've got on a sock and a sock. you see? you're even. suppose it's raining or snowing outside. your way, with a sock on each foot, my feet would get wet. my way, with a sock and a shoe on one foot, i could hop around and stay dry. gloria. oh, i brought you some juice. drink all of it. you never can tell what part the vitamin c might be in. boy, i want to tell you there's some people in this world you can never get nothing through their heads. look who's up. i know who's up.

will you get my lunch ready? oh, yeah, right away, arch. listen, little girl, you mind if i ask you a personal question? gloria: no. did you ever watch your husband dress himself in the morning? sometimes. did you know that he puts on a sock and a shoe and a sock and a shoe instead of a sock and a sock and a shoe and a shoe? what? what's the sense in asking you? you wear pantyhose. gloria. oh, here he is. now, will you get your gear together and get ready to leave? we gotta get going! take it easy, will you? i want to talk to gloria first. we've got a boat to catch. don't worry. we'll make it. here's your lunch, archie. leave it there, edith. gloria, how do you feel? fine. you want me to stay home with you? whatever you like. because, you know, i don't have to go fishing. do what you want. well, what do you want? just tell me. go fishing. you're sure?

gloria, where are you going? back to bed. oh, don't go away. i want to talk to you. what about? uh, well, just wait a minute. okay. okay. we're all set. let's go now, huh? wait a second. wait a second. i forgot something. what are you doing now? bye, honey. oh, look at this. he's got to stop for that. okay, you gotta wait for me now. i forgot something. oh, archie! get out of the way, edith. what did you forget? my six-pack of beer. you can't go fishing without beer, edie. okay, let's go. now, watch the poles! don't hit them on the top of the door. here, hold them this way on the vertizontal there. okay, that's right. now, come on. let's go. [fishing poles crack] [archie yells] archie: you're a killer. that's what you are!

oh, gloria, you still ain't feeling good, are you? i feel awful. well, come on out in the kitchen. i'll fix you some breakfast. you can keep me company, and we'll talk. here, you sit right down here and i'll have some nice scrambled eggs for you in a jiffy. speaking of eggs, gloria, before archie and me got married, he used to go around saying, "there's no cooking like my mother's." so i went over to his mother's, and she showed me how to cook for archie. oh, my, i'll never forget the first time i served him eggs. he took a bite, and a look came over his face. i said, "don't you like them?"

"there's nothing like my mother's cooking and here it is again!" that's nice. no, he hated his mother's cooking. i had to start all over again. now your father likes your mother's cooking. [giggling] get it? ma, how do you do it? how do you stay so cheerful all the time? oh, i'm sad a lot of times. regular times, when people die, and once, once, gloria-- i haven't thought about it for years. it was terrible. it was the day i was sure i didn't love your father no more. really, ma? you stopped loving daddy? what did he do to you?

nothing. he'd come home one night and said hello and i said hello. and he sat down in his chair to read his paper just like he'd done a thousand times before. you know how he licks his fingers when he turns the page: i looked at him. all of a sudden he was a stranger. i didn't know him, and what's worse, i didn't want to know him. ma, the same thing's happened to me. no! you knew! no! oh, well, it wasn't hard to figure out. when you told mike to go fishing

now i understand why you talked to your father and me that way. because when you're feeling like that, you don't like nothing about your life. yeah. ma, you know when it happened? two nights ago? you know, i was upstairs, it was the middle of the night and i woke up, and i looked over at michael. well, there he was, asleep, grinding his teeth like he always does. but just like it happened to you, ma, all of a sudden, i didn't recognize him. it was like i was sleeping with a stranger. and you were scared you didn't love him no more. that's right. and ma, what if i don't get over it? gloria, all i can tell you is i got over it the next day. archie came home, he said, "hello. get me a beer," and i was in love. just like that? yeah! that's how you knew you loved daddy again,

that's the way it happened. you know, i think a lot of marriages break up because people don't wait long enough to recognize each other again. gloria? it's mike! what's he doing back home? mike! what are you doing home? did you forget something? no, i got as far as the subway. i was so worried about gloria that i told archie to go without me. you were worried about me? yeah, i knew something was bothering you. i've just been avoiding it. i shouldn't have gone fishing. when you've got a problem, i've got a problem. i should have stayed home and dealt with it. and can we talk about this over breakfast? i'm hungry. ma, did you hear what he said? he said, "i'm hungry"! [laughs excitedly] michael, i love you! [laughing happily]

what's so funny? oh, nothing. we was just talking about a couple of strangers we know. [both laughing] everything's all right? it's perfect. oh, i'm glad, honey. yeah. now there's only one little problem. gloria: what?

boy, the way glenn miller played songs that made the hit parade guys like us we had it made those were the days and you knew where you were then girls were girls and men were men mister, we could use a man like herbert hoover again didn't need no welfare state everybody pulled his weight gee, our old lasalle ran great

would you like some butter on your toast, louise? yes, thanks. all right. now, let's see. the butter is on the second shelf on the left-hand side.

to save energy. how much energy do you think you saved on that move? i didn't save nothing. i got the cheddar cheese. wait a minute. here goes. got it! oh, louise, i'm glad you dropped in. it's so nice to have company. archie's been out all night driving mr. munson's cab. it was so lonely sleeping without him. but i made believe archie was there by talking over the events of the day before i went to sleep. i talked and talked but archie didn't answer me.

archie: hey, edith! oh! there's archie! maybe i'd better go. oh, no. you finish your coffee. i'll be right back. all right. oh, archie, i'm so glad you're home. all right, all right! take it easy, will you? i seen enough of that whoopee in the back of my cab all night. here's your dress. you remembered to pick up the dry cleaning! oh, thank you, archie. how was your night? same as my day, only darker. i ain't never gonna drive that friday night till saturday morning shift no more. every screwball in the city of new york is loose on the streets. morning. except one. thank you very much. what are you doing up so early of a saturday morning? i'm getting breakfast for me and gloria. we're gonna have breakfast in bed. oh, listen to this. they do everything in that bed except sleep.

what do you want me to do, looking at you? whistle a happy tune? oh, archie, you must be hungry. i'll get you something to eat. no, no, no. it's all right, edith. i'm too tired to eat. i'm off-duty. all i wanna do is go up and lay down. would you like some company? i said i'm off-duty. all right. have a good day's sleep. [laughs] oh, you and gloria gonna have some cornflakes? no, no, no. gloria's gonna have the orange. i'm gonna have the cornflakes. oh, don't you want a bowl for your cereal? no, i like to eat the cereal dry and then i wash it down with the milk. that way it doesn't get soggy. oh. [knocking] mr. jefferson. come in. george: morning. george, what are you doing away from the store? don't worry. i left lionel in charge.

where's your husband? he just went upstairs to bed. well, i gotta talk to him. it's important. oh, well, all right. come on in. i'm sure he ain't asleep yet. archie, are you in bed yet? archie: no, not yet, edith. i'm looking out the window. do you know the jeffersons left their shades up? did you know they was putting new wallpaper on the wall of their bedroom? holy cow, them coloreds are wild about stripes. bunker, come down here! archie: that don't sound like your voice, edith. no, archie. we've got company. yeah, so i see. thanks for letting me know. bunker, take a look at this. it's a $20 bill. what did you do, hit a number? you gave me $20 when you picked up your cleaning just now and i gave you $18 change. well, i remember. so what?

what? are you sure, george? i wouldn't be here if i wasn't sure. look, i checked these serial numbers against our list. this is 89170412. these are counterfeit serial numbers. they sound like real numbers to me. let's just say you passed this phony on to me by accident. so now all you have to do is reach into your wallet and give me a real one on purpose. listen, i ain't no counterfeiter. the $20 bill i gave you was perfectly good currency of the realm. that was printed on 100 percent u.s. government realm. get out of the way, edith. you didn't even look at the bill. certainly i looked at it. i look at all big bills. i remember where i got that $20. i only got one last night. i remember the guy that give it to me. and he wasn't no counterfeiter. how do you know he wasn't? ah, come on, jefferson. i know people. this was a very classy guy.

in a sharp coat that had one of them velvet collars, and one of them pearl-gray hamburgers on his head. if i don't get my money right now, you're gonna find yourself on top of the "10 most sorry honky" list. jefferson, would you care to step outside? i'm ready. good. then step outside. i'm going to bed. see that, bunker? i knew you didn't have the guts to step outside. you know, you are a very small man. i'd hate for money to mean that much to me. money don't mean nothing to me. what are you talking about? i'll show you what money means to me. what are we talking about? twenty dollars, huh? okay. ten. twenty. there you are, edith. buy yourself a new hat. see that? i just threw 20 away on the old lady. all right, bunker, let's step outside. can't we all sit down and talk this over?

this here is between jefferson and me and jefferson and me, we're going to settle this like gentlemen. now, jefferson, get out. i ain't going nowhere. i ain't finished with you yet. well, i'm finished with you. louise, can i see you for a minute in the kitchen? yes. louise, what are we gonna do about this? i don't know. i've never seen such a stubborn man in all of my life. me neither. i never knew george could be that way. i was talking about archie. are you saying archie is wrong? well, i hope you're not saying george is wrong. you heard archie tell george he didn't give him that bad bill. don't you believe what he said? yes and no. what do you mean? yes, i believe he said it and, no, i don't believe what he said. what are you getting so excited about? i'll tell you what to do with that bill.

what? don't get excited! just shove it on some guy up there. it'll make the rounds, it'll wind up in the hands of some white guy who sells purple cadillacs. and who the hell cares about him, huh? don't believe everything archie says. he's got you brainwashed. don't you have a mind of your own? yes, i do. then use it. everything george said made perfectly good sense. to you, maybe, but not to me. there, you see? i'm using my own mind. and you can't say it's because i'm listening to archie because he ain't here. not only that, he ain't all there. you won't listen to what i'm trying to-- nothing you say makes any difference to me. i'm trying to-- you can talk until you're blue in the face,

would be an improvement. hey, jefferson, don't you think you can walk away saying that to me. hey, your wife is still here. wait till you see what i'm going to say to her. it's obvious we have nothing more to say to each other. ever. [slams door] louise! louise: goodbye! oh! hey, louise, listen-- where is she? she's gone. well, it's a good thing she is. you should have heard what i had in my mind to say to her. what's the matter with you? i just had a fight with louise and i feel terrible. can't you do nothing right? i just had a fight with her husband

ma, you know that neither archie or mr. jefferson is going to admit that he's wrong. you and louise have to be the peacemakers. i know. but who's gonna make the first move?

oh, ma, you going over there to see louise? yeah, i am, right now. i'm gonna find out which one wants to make up the most. [gasps] it's a tie! i'm sorry! i'm sorry! oh! oh! you two want me to make you some coffee? oh, that'd be nice. i'll help you, gloria. come on, sit down right over here. oh, louise, i feel so much better. so do i. i don't know what came over us. neither do i. louise, remember that $20 archie gave me to buy a new hat? well, i don't need a new hat. i wish you'd take it and give it to george. well, thanks, edith, but wouldn't it be better if archie gave it back himself?

i know how. does archie need anything cleaned? i was gonna bring in his winter coat. perfect. get it, edith. all right. but i could bring it down to the store myself. no, i want george to get it fast. the first thing he does when he gets cleaning is go all through the pockets. we're going to put this in here. and george will find it and maybe he'll think it's archie's way of saying he made a mistake without coming out and saying it. oh, louise, that's a wonderful idea. that reminds me of the ten commandments. which one? the one by cecil b. demille. you remember the part where moses' mother puts him in a little basket and floats him down the river on purpose so that pharaoh's daughter can find him by accident

george, i have archie bunker's coat. it needs cleaning. uh-uh. no way. now, you take that mangy coat back over there. he tried to put something over on me. he thinks i'm stupid because i'm black. then you be bigger than him. you just turn the other cheek. that won't do no good. my other cheek's black too. you know, i wish i'd never left harlem to move in next door to those ugly bunkers. what are you talking about? if i still lived in harlem, i could really get even with him. how? by leaving harlem and moving in next door to him all over again. george, you are going to clean his coat. i'll take it to the store myself. go on and take it, then. well, look at this! money! another 20 bucks.

you're not really going to keep that money? no, i'm not going to keep it. good. i'm going to spend it. okay, go ahead. let archie have the last laugh. now where are you coming from? isn't it obvious he put it here on purpose for you to find it? it's archie's way of apologizing. no. you think so? let me put it this way. when was the last time we found $20 in one of archie bunker's pockets? you're right. he's trying to make me look bad. he ain't gonna get away with this. where are you going? if anybody's gonna have the last laugh, i'm gonna have it first. can't sleep. there's no air in this house. there's no air in new york. maybe you can't sleep because of the argument you had with mr. jefferson. oh, i wouldn't lose any sleep over that argument. i won it, didn't i?

jeez, that'd be great news for jack dempsey, you know that? he could give up his restaurant. he's still a champ. i was talking about fighting over money. by the way, give me back that 20 bucks i give you. what 20 bucks? what i give you to buy yourself a new hat, which i didn't mean in the first place, seeing as i was only trying to get jefferson off my back twenty bucks. [doorbell rings] oh, there's the bell! i'll get it. whoever it is, tell them to get out of here. louise, george, come in. archie, look who's here. oh, gee. what have you got this time, jefferson? a wooden nickel? louise? remember, last laugh. uh-huh. bunker, this is yours. what's mine? this $20 we found in your coat your wife sent down to be cleaned. twenty dollars--? you got that in my coat and that's mine? that $20 here? hey, edith!

i should have checked the pockets. i'm sorry. oh, gee, i ain't mad at you, darling. whoop-de-do. hey. hey. i never would have believed i left that kind of dough in that coat. and you wouldn't have known it if mr. jefferson hadn't found it. he could have kept the money, but he's an honest man. hey, jefferson. nice to see you. see you round. let's go, louise. i've laughed enough for one day. wait! wait a minute. archie, can i see you? you're looking at me. archie! since you got back $20 you didn't know you had and since mr. jefferson had a loss because of the bad bill, i think you should share this with him. oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. i think you should give him at least half of it. you'd still be ahead $10.

don't tell me what to do. get out of the way. jefferson, i'm going to be fair. seeing as there was a loss here and you and me was both involved in the loss, well, maybe we ought to share this. so here's $10. thanks. all right. fair enough? that's nice, archie. wait a second, arch. that's not fair. you're ahead way more than $10. listen to the meatheaded college boy over there. i'm holding $10 in my hand. show me where i'm way more ahead than that. look, arch, you gave mr. jefferson a phony $20 bill. i didn't know nothing about that. it doesn't make any difference! the point is he gave you $18 of real money in change plus $2 worth of cleaning services: that's $20. add to that the 20 that he found in your coat pocket and returned to you because he's an honest man. that's $40 you're ahead.

all right, so you're ahead $30. thirty dollars? but the fact remains, he gave you $18 cash. you only gave him $10 back. why don't you give him the other $8 you owe? i ain't going to give him no $8. arch, you'll still be ahead 22 bucks. wait a minute. how do you figure that? thirty minus eight is twenty-two. you're $22 ahead. i'm 22 ahead? thirty...? huh? minus eight...? all right, if i'm $22-- i can add up myself! jefferson, er, as long as i'm $22 ahead here, and i figure if i-- how much should i give him? eight dollars. all right, $8. so i'll give you a $10 bill. give me two ones. i ain't got no change.

i ain't got no change. who's got change? no, i don't. i didn't bring my purse. oh, jeez, i ain't got no singles here. arch, he gave you $18 worth of change. you've got to have at least three singles. i bought seven cigars and a malted. is that okay with you? would this help? i owe louise $3 from the groceries yesterday. that'll help. how does that help? give me the $10. wait a minute! arch, you were going to give mr. jefferson $8, right? add $3 to that for the groceries. that's $11 you owe mr. jefferson. here's a $10 bill, mr. jefferson. now, archie, all you owe mr. jefferson is $1. how do i owe him $1? no, daddy, that's not right. no, that ain't right, little girl. help me here. daddy, you're forgetting about the $2 mr. jefferson's still out for the cleaning. you owe him $3. that ain't no help! she's right, arch. you owe him $3. here, give me 5. wait a minute here!

well, at least he owes me $2. somebody owes me something here! remember, now. you owe me $2. all right. all right, talking of owings, here, what about the $5 you owe me? i give you $5 last week, i loaned it to you to buy pizza for yourself and gloria. oh, that's right. i forgot, archie. oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. i forgot! i'm sorry! gloria, could you give me $5 to give to archie? oh, sure, honey. let me get my purse. archie: yeah, get the purse, huh? no, wait a minute, daddy. there's something wrong here. yeah, there's something wrong, little girl, huh? yeah, you owe me 10. that's what's wrong? yeah, don't you remember last week i loaned you $10 when you didn't have enough money to pay the plumber for fixing the drip in the sink? oh, holy cow. yeah. what have you got there? two fives? there's my ten. wait a minute! there's the five you wanted. thank you very much. here's the five i owe you for the pizza.

wait, wait. not quite all square. you're damn right not quite all square. remember, george, you still owe archie $2. give it to him. yeah, somebody give me something, huh? i'm feeling awful light here. give him the $2. i don't have change. i know how to fix this! archie: how? michael, remember you and daddy still owe lionel $7 for the ball game tickets from last saturday. that's right! i forgot. here, give me the $5. wait a minute! mr. jefferson, here's $5. now, with the two you owe archie, you add that to the $5, that makes 7. you give that to lionel. that squares us with lionel and squares you with archie. everything's perfect. everybody's paid off. gloria: michael, that's right. how is everybody paid off? i had $35 in my hand. i'm standing here holding nothing! now, don't nobody move!

and we're gonna do it slow, right from the very beginning. all right. it all started when you gave me this phony 20. now you've got it back. bye. come on, louise.

[ ] announcer: all in the family was recorded on tape before a live audience.

coca-cola foundation, rockwell international, and sony corporation what would we do, baby without us what would we do, baby without us and there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through what would we do, baby without us