robert young and jane wyatt with elinore donahue, billy gray and lauren chapin in father knows best. - and wouldn't you know it, i was the first one he called on to recite. well, i didn't even know the chemical formula, let alone- - excuse me, diane, but you're supposed to be- - oh, hi george, sit down, sweetie. - so anyway- - how are ya, betty? - fine. - i got up and stood there like a goon! - diane. - well, i felt i had to say something, so i started to recite the gettysburg address. well, everyone screamed. - diane. - but professor hart didn't bat an eye. he just let me go right on and finish it,

and then he gave me a zero. (laughter) - look honey, you're supposed to be- - oh honey, that tie! stripes with a checkered jacket, really. you know, after we're married, i'll have to have better control of these things. what i'll do is i'll have full inspection every morning (laughter) before he leaves for the bank. alright, george, you can put your eyes back in their sockets now. - look honey, you're supposed to meet professor hopkins- - oh my goodness, i'm supposed to meet professor hopkins before the senior council meeting. why didn't you remind me? watch my books for me, will you, sweetie? and you watch george for me, and don't let him look at any more blonds because i'll be back. - that diane's a kick. - yeah. that's a nice outfit you got on. - oh, thank you. believe it or not, i made it myself. - well, it's a good color for ya. oh, i think i like the thing you had on yesterday even better. - oh sure, i bet you don't even know what i wore.

with the little, oh i don't know what you call it, kind of a sleeveless mackinaw over it. - what a horrible description, but you're right. you're certainly observant. diane has you well-trained. ralph couldn't have told you if i was wearing a gunnysack. - you don't go with ralph anymore, do you? - no, hardly ever. - he oughta have his head examined. - betty, can i get you to come in and peel some potatoes? - i'll be with you in a minute, mother. just let me finish this. - [margaret] alright, dear. - you call for a plumber, maam? - george, you surprised me. where's diane?

oh, i just returned your book. you left it in the student council room this morning. thought you might need it. - oh, well this is a reference book. i was through with it. thank you for being so thoughtful. - betty, could you come here, oh! oh, excuse me. - mother, you know george frasier. - oh, of course. how are you, george? - i'm fine. - well how's diane? - she's ok. - well, i have a cake in the oven. - [betty] i'll be right in, mother. - well, i guess i better take this back. - i'm sorry you made a special trip. - oh, that's ok, i needed the exercise anyway. say, while i'm here, is there anything you need done? homework, roof repairing, sewers stalked, lightning rods...

you ah, you look cute in that get-up. - now you've gotta be kidding, i'd frighten dogs. - no really, i mean it. whatcha working on here? - oh, just some history, and it's all done. now i have to go in and peel some glamorous potatoes. thanks again for thinking about the book. - well, maybe next time i'll have sense enough to bring you one you can use. - yeah, uh huh. - bye. (laughter)

- have you noticed anything different or strange about george lately? - well, a little bit, yeah. - because, listen, i wanna talk to you for a minute. - well, yeah, i've got a minute. - you know what, betty? i've got a sneaking suspicion that george is interested in some other girl. - why, what did he say? - oh nothing, it was the way he said it. i mean, a girl doesn't go with a boy as long as i have with george and not be able to sense these things. - i'm sure you're just imagining this. - well, maybe, but i'm not going to take a chance. look, you might sort of help me keep a weather eye open, and if you see- - now look, diane, i'm not going to spy on him.

i wouldn't even do that myself. all i mean is that if you... uh oh, here he comes. hi, sweetie, you're just in time to walk me over to french. - hi. - hi. - oh, honey. i thought i told you never to wear that shirt anymore. that's not for you. - i like it. - no you don't. i don't know what you'd do if you didn't have me to look out for you. i just hope none of our six children have as bad taste as you have. - six? i thought it was five. - oh, i decided six is a rounder number. come on, honey, i don't wanna be late for class. i'll see you later, betty, - [diane] and you know, the old weather eye. (laughter) come on, honey. - now look, i know everything you're gonna say about diane and all, but but i'd like to have a date with you sometime. - oh now, george- - look betty, i think you're one of the nicest, prettiest girls i know- - please don't say things like that. - well, why not? - i might get to like them, and i don't want to. - well betty, there's no reason why- - diane is a wonderful girl. - well, i know that, but-

- i know. - she's crazy about you, and well, you're her property. - well, that's just it. i'm not so sure i wanna be "property" anymore. well, she's a fine, wonderful girl, but... well darn it! she's got everything so well-planned out for me. the marriage, those six kids, me working in the bank. i'm beginning to think that's not for me. - now george. - well maybe i don't wanna settle down yet. maybe i wanna travel, see the world while i'm still young. lots of things i wanna do, that she doesn't tell me to do. and the main thing i wanna do is... is to date you. - george, i'm very flattered, really,

and i really like you. but as for dating, no. as long as things are as they are, absolutely not. - you mean that? - i'm afraid so. sorry. but thanks. - well, if you say so. i may still have a few ideas on this. - don't try. i'll see you around. - ok. i'll see you. bye. - hello, betty. - diane, come on in. - are you busy? - no, uh uh. - we've got to have another conference. - sure, come on in. - well, i was right about my hunch.

george told me the whole thing. - he did what? - he came over this evening, and he said it was high time he had a chance to speak his mind. isn't that just like a man? you'd think i'd been browbeating him or something. - well, listen diane. - he said he wanted to break up. i just couldn't believe it, after all i've done for him. - [diane] i asked him point blank who the girl was. he wouldn't even admit there was another girl. he just said he wanted to be free for awhile to go his own way. - well diane, maybe you do sort of brow- i don't mean browbeat. i mean, well maybe you are a little bit too possessive of him, and men resent that. - [diane] that's just something he built up

normally, george is so sweet and nice and sensible, but since this girl, whoever she is, has looked at him twice, he's all twisted up. by the way, have you seen him with any particular girl? - no. only me. - oh well, you. i mean someone he'd be romantically interested in. (laughter) - what if it was me? - [diane] oh, you're hardly his type. that's the worst part of it, too. if he's satisfied with an occasional date with someone like you, i wouldn't worry. oh no. can't you just see the type he'd go for? some little blond nothing, (laughter) with french movie star hair

and black-rimmed eyes, that walks like this. oh, i just can't understand how george can change so radically overnight. the big oaf. - he hasn't changed so much. - oh, you just don't know. - [diane] now how can i get him back to his sweet, sensible... wait, maybe you've given me an idea. maybe i could sort of lead him around to the idea of dating you. - me? no wait a minute. - oh look, you'd be doing it or me. then he could have his little fling, get it out of his system, and i wouldn't be tearing my heart out because he'd be with someone safe, see? - safe? (laughter) - oh, but it wouldn't work. george wouldn't cooperate.

well, i guess it's my problem. i'll just have to work it out myself. thanks for trying to help anyway. at least i still have you.

- george, sweetie. - well, hello diane. - honey, i've been thinking over what you said last night- - oh, well look, i- - well, i think maybe you're right. - yeah? - of course, i'm not jumping up in the air for joy over it, but well, i think you should feel free to date anyone you like. - well gee, diane, i'm glad they're no hard feelings. - none. i just hope, honey, that whoever you date will be someone worthy of you. someone like, oh, say.. oh, i don't know. well, like betty, for example. - betty anderson? - oh, i don't mean her necessarily, just somebody like her. i wouldn't dream of telling you who to date.

- oh, well i don't know about her. - of course, she is a lovely girl. - yeah. - but as i say, i wouldn't dream of influencing you. - well, i don't know. of course, if you think it'd be a good idea. - oh no, no, no. that's entirely up to you. (laughter) well, i have to get to class now. bye, george. - hey, betty! - now george, stay away from me. - stay away nothin'! i'm gonna date you whether you like it or not. - now george listen, diane- - diane is no longer an issue. we've broken up, and i can date anybody i want. - that may be, but- - she even suggested i date you. practically insisted on it. - yeah, how do you like that? - i don't like it. (laughter) i don't want you to date me just because she suggested it. - oh well look, i asked you

- yes, that is true. - well, what about tonight? yes? affirmative? - george, you've got a date. (laughter) - incidentally, would you mind staying out of the living room tonight? - oh i wouldn't dream of disturbing you and george in any way. you got the binoculars all set, kat? - mmm, mmm. - oh hush. and now, you kathy. - i know, i know, i have my instructions. mother and i will be upstairs studying our atomic croutons. - and that doesn't mean sneaking down here every five minutes. ah, father? - oh, you don't have to worry about me. i have to go out to see a client tonight, darn it. (laughter) but i expect to get a full report from kathy on the evening later on. - you'd better not. say, why don't you take your books upstairs right now so that you won't have any reason for coming down here.

- father, i know you think it's a little odd, me dating george tonight. - oh, i didn't say a word. this is all your own business. i just hope you know what you're doing. - oh, i do. - ok. - well after all, this was diane's idea. she even told george to date me. - look, i'm not arguing. - well, what did you mean... what did you mean when you said you hoped i knew what i was doing? - well, it just that george and diane have been going together for quite awhile. oh, i know she pushes him around a little too much, but that can be straightened out. my guess is that at this point, george doesn't really know what he wants.

- chances are, you don't either. then there's your friendship with diane. that's not a thing to be tossed off lightly. do you really think that what you're doing is worth destroying the trust of a friend? - well, diane's a big girl and can take care of herself. and from now on, she'd better.

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(laughter) - thank you, come on in. what is it? - aztec pottery, what else? - oh, it's so pretty, thank you very much. - well you can keep it too, because i'm not really an indian giver. - well i wouldn't give it back, even if you were. - come on, let's go in and sit down. - man oh man, just look at you. you'd knock a man's eyes out. - careful, compliments go to my head. i'm not accustomed to them. do you want to sit here? - sure. (laughter) - you're sure now, you're happy staying here rather than going out some place? - oh no, this is for me, as long as you're here. - i'm here. - yeah. - and there are some genuine aztec cookies. i made them myself, so you don't have to eat them if you don't want to. - boy that sure sounds different from diane.

"eat them, you love them." (laughter) who wants to think about her? you know, you not only look wonderful tonight, you - [george] you look somehow different. - well maybe i am different. maybe i've looked forward to this for a long time without being able to do anything about it. - i guess we both wanted the same thing without realizing it. - [voiceover] oh no, betty. you're simply just not his type. - [voiceover] oh, i'm not, hey? (laughter) - [voiceover] george, george, i don't know what you'd do if you didn't have me to look out for you.

(laughter) - hi. - hi. - [voiceover] do you really believe that what you're doing is worth destroying the trust of a friend? - what's the matter? you've got a far-away look. - it's nothing, nothing. - [voiceover] at least i still have you. (laughter) - do you get the feeling that someone's looking over our shoulders? - oh, now that you mention it, i do, diane. - diane? - i'm sorry, i didn't mean to say that. just slipped out, i... i'm so used to saying diane all the time.

- i don't know, are you sure you wanna break that habit? - oh, you must be kidding. - oh now, look george, let's face it. diane might as well be right in this room. she's too much a part of you. as a matter of fact, she even arranged this date. - oh no, no, the date was my idea. oh no, i guess you're right. as it worked out, she called all the shots. - yes, and she's going to go on calling the shots if you let her. now my advice to you, george, is to assert yourself. (phone rings) - yeah. - hello? - hello, betty? this is diane, but don't give me away. how are things going? - well actually quite well. you wanna talk to him? - oh, no! i don't want him to know i called.

- [betty] maybe he wants to talk to you, and from now on, i think you oughta listen to him a little more. hold on. - [betty] george, it's for you. - who, me? - [george] well, who is it? - a friend of yours. - oh, thank you. hello? oh, hi diane! (laughter) oh, we're getting along fine. hey look, it's still early. i think i'll drop by and see you. well who says i can't? oh, betty doesn't care. well, i wanna see you, so i'm coming over. - [betty] attaboy. - ok. i'll be there. bye. - now you keep that up, and thanks, for half an evening. it was fun, in a goofy sort of way.

i got a lot out of it, i know. - [betty] oh, do you want your planter back? - oh no, i told you i wasn't an indian giver. you keep that as a souvenir of the old aztec days. - oh, hello george. - good evening, mr. anderson. that is, good night. i'll see you, betty. bye. - well, he uh, leaves early, doesn't he? - well you know how it is with those bankers with six kids. gotta get home early to see their wives.

(ending music) [ giggling ] ...with elinor donahue, billy gray, and lauren chapin... we missed you at dinner, dear. sorry you had to work so late. oh, it seemed like everybody in springfield had insurance problems today. where are the children? kathy's next door, betty's at a sorority meeting, and bud's upstairs. ahh, a quiet evening at home. i can use it. thanks. it's so quiet, i don't know whether i can concentrate or not. [ thud ] [ thud ] what's that? it's just bud, dear.

one boy couldn't possibly make all that noise. what's he doing, anyway? i don't know. but whatever he's doing, we're not supposed to know about it. it's a secret. [ thud ] that's a secret? sounds like the entire springfield football squad is up there. "weight should be evenly distributed." [ thud ] that does it! now, jim -- bud! just a minute, son. something wrong? what was all that racket upstairs? i didn't hear anything.

well, i, uh -- i was reading. what do you do, turn a handspring after every word? of course not. hello, daddy. goodbye, bud. goodnight, daddy. goodnight, kathy. kathy! goodnight, dad. bud, where are you going? i'm going over to joe phillips'. i'll see you later, huh? [ sighs ] find out anything, dear? oh, sure, everything. and? he said he was reading. bud's been acting very strange the last few days. he's been acting strange since he was born. this is different. i'm worried. so am i. i don't know which is gonna go first -- the ceiling or my nerves. father?! father, i've got the most exciting news! mother, you'll never believe it! one thing i love about this family -- everyone's always so calm. it's about bud! he's leaving home? oh, jim. you know the school dance at the country club next friday night?

bud's going to a dance? he doesn't even know how to dance. not only that -- he'd have to take a girl. he's taking a girl! bud? our bud? our bashful, blushing boy, bud? no wonder he's been so nervous lately. i'll never forget the last time he was supposed to take a girl to a dance. i don't think any of us will. he made for the basement like a scared gopher. a grown boy hiding in a basement. he stayed down there so long i thought he was gonna mildew. who's he taking? oh, her name's marcia. she's mrs. lanson's granddaughter. she must be a new girl. yeah, she's just here for the semester. bud with a girl. bud have a girl? kathy. about time old bud got a girl. never mind, kathy. here, i'll read you one story and then off to bed you go. kathy, where did you get this book? bud's room. "ballroom dancing self-taught."

read it to me, daddy. so, that's what bud's been doing. learning to dance from a book? bud learning to dance? never mind, kathy. this book must be over 50 years old. "the polka... "the waltz... the two-step." is that one of your books, father? just how old do you think i am? this is a library book. listen to this, margaret. "as the movement of the waltz is necessarily rapid, "the danger of collision is proportionately increased, "and gentlemen will do well to remember and act upon this hint." [ chuckles ]

we should all be especially considerate of his feelings. does that mean i have to be nice to him? we all do. it's a very serious situation when a boy goes to his first dance and has his first date. now, we better get this up to bud's room. i'll take it. uh-oh, there he is. now, remember, we don't know anything about the dance or the book. do you understand, kathy? yes, daddy. jim: welcome home, son. margaret: how are you, bud, dear? hi, brother. i don't see why -- kathy.

what did i do? w-we're -- we're just glad to see you, son. would you like some ice cream? or some milk? no, i don't want anything. i forgot something. what'd you forget? kathy. uh, why don't you stay down here and talk to us a while? what about? oh, anything. no, i'm -- i'm busy. [ telephone rings ] i'll get it! now, betty. can i quit smiling now? no. yeah, it's me. i was on my way over, but i forgot the book. anyhow, i think the family's getting suspicious. you better make it tomorrow night. oh, and, joe, i want to warn you about one thing. you know where it says to glissade your left foot

it's a trap. i tried and i about broke my hand, so watch it. yeah, well, i'll see you tomorrow. yeah, so long, joe. bye. [ chuckles ] hello, brother. what are you all staring at me for? we're not staring at you, son. of course not, dear. i was. uh, who called? joe. how's joe? you are so staring at me! we just like to look at you, son. you and joe cooking up something? a little footwork... for boxing. that's good exercise, son. nothing like being able to defend yourself in a clinch. yeah. does marcia like to box? what? what did you say?

if there are any marshmallows left in the box. oh. well, goodnight. goodnight, son. goodnight, dear. well, little luella, you did it again. this is the first breakfast bud's missed in 14 years. he's certainly taking this dancing seriously. he's been up since dawn practicing. [ clattering ] how long do we have to pretend we don't know anything? this is a situation that has to be handled with the utmost diplomacy. that means you, too, kitten. i haven't said anything. i don't see why going to a dance is such a project. it can be for a boy. i remember my first dance. you'll never know the agonies i went through, betty. i was scared to death. if bud is just half as frightened as i was, he's in bad shape. he might even collapse. if he does, we'll be there to hold him up.

well, the principal called this morning and asked us to be patrons at the dance. oh, margaret, we can't do that. if bud thought for one moment we were gonna be there, he'd disintegrate. but i can't get out of it now, jim. well, if we have to go, i think bud should be warned. he's having enough trouble as it is. i'm gonna be completely honest with him. i'll go up and tell him now. remember the basement. just leave it to me. i'll be as diplomatic as possible. [ knock on door ] bud? yes, dad? may i come in a minute?

yes, and we all feel that it's -- great jumping jeepers! bud! there he goes again. bud, come back. bud! bud, come out of that basement. please, bud. mommy, what does "diplomatic" mean? it's the art of being able to say the right thing at the wrong time. try again, jim. oh, bud? there's nothing wrong in learning how to dance, son. we'll help you learn to dance.

please, bud. no! [ sighs ] we may have to smoke him out. sissy! yeah, yeah, yeah, sissy! kathy! [ sighs ] he'll have a relapse after that. bud, i'll ask you once more. are you or are you not coming up?

any news from the foxhole? it's no use, jim. he just won't come up. something has to be done. well, we can't drag him up and order him to dance. oh, it isn't just the dancing. he's running away from a problem instead of facing it. if he retreats to the basement over some little thing now, it isn't so bad. but he's gonna look awfully silly running down to the basement every time something goes wrong when he's 50 years old. mother, the bakery man's in front. thanks, dear. looks like marcia better find herself another boy.

oh, she's been around a lot -- europe and everything. her folks have a lot of money. i've never seen her, but she must be quite a fireball. fireball? what do you mean? they call her "dynamite." well, then, what does she want with bud? you know how some women are, father. they'll go after anything that's a challenge. bud is a challenge? to a woman like this he is. now, you know, anyone as innocent and naive as your son and my brother is probably just her dish. i can't imagine bud with a fireball. [ sighs ]

she probably wants to add another scalp to her belt. then she'll have to find herself another victim. what are you gonna do? i'm going to do a little atomic research. believe me, mrs. lanson, i don't usually like to interfere in matters of the heart, but i don't think bud is your granddaughter's type. from what i've heard about your son, i'm sure my granddaughter isn't his type. is she really that -- that -- she's a problem. what about her parents? where are they? they're in europe. marcia has been there so often, she didn't want to go again. she said she was bored. bored with europe? poor bud. no wonder she's desperate for amusement. basically, she's a very fine girl. she's just a little... well, peculiar. i want to talk to her, mrs. lanson.

but it isn't going to be easy. sometimes a stranger can handle a situation like this better than a member of the family. this way, mr. anderson. i have children of my own, so i'm used to... marcia? mr. anderson is here to see you. marcia! she's in the basement? yes. marcia? where are you? i'd like to meet you. i'm bud's father. here i am. hello.

you don't have to be afraid of me, dear. oh, i'm not afraid of you. i'm just embarrassed that you found me hiding here. now, why would you want to hide from anybody? well, your son asked me to go to a dance with him, and i said i'd go, but... i don't know how to dance. you don't know how to dance? not a step. grandma lanson said she was gonna have bud come over to teach me. i didn't want her to, but she insisted. [ crying ] oh, mr. anderson, i'd be mortified if bud found out i couldn't dance. well, you could have told bud. believe me, he would have understood. tell bud i can't dance? bud, the gene kelly of springfield,

to go out with? this is bud? oh, mr. anderson, this boy is dynamite. i'm a little confused. i thought you were dynamite. oh, well, that's just my nickname. you see, i'm on the debating team at school, and when it's my turn for the rebuttal, well, they say i sort of explode. [ sighs ] it's pretty dull, isn't it, being a debater? well, not every girl has the talent to be on the debating team. some of our greatest people started out as debaters. but i don't want to be great. i just want to learn how to dance by friday night. marcia... how would you like to have me teach you? you? oh, i'd like that! but you wouldn't tell anybody, would you? not a soul, i promise.

now, the first thing you do is glissade to the left with the left foot. may i have this waltz, dynamite? put your hand there. that's it. now, 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. bud anderson, i want you to come up here right this minute. what for? never mind, just get up here. where's kathy? she's outside, and i'll see that she stays there. now, cut out this foolishness and unlock this door. what do you want? you're going to learn to dance. not me. now, look, son, you're too old to act this way. all the other boys will be out dancing and having fun,

in the basement! there she is! wait a minute, bud! kathy, be quiet! margaret! one of us has to go! i'm not gonna live in the same house with that shrimp! margaret, get rid of kathy. kathy, you go out and play. go on. [ door closes ] now, come in the living room, son. oh, come on, bud. i'm not gonna like this. whether you like it or not, you're going to learn to dance, and i'm gonna see that you do. you? dance with my father? betty will teach you. dance with my sister? either that or i'll get marcia over here and have her teach you. you wouldn't. i would. it's a conspiracy. 1, 2, 3.

1, 2... bud, can't you get it through your head? it's 1, 2, 3. where's 4? there isn't any 4. it's 1, 2, 3. now, 1, 2, 3. now, see how easy it is? no. oh, don't hang on me. hold me. you're my sister! oh, come on. glissade, son, glissade. you want me to kill myself? you're getting it, bud, but you've just got to relax. 1, 2, 3. there's the monster again! kathy, get away from that window! came up from the sewer or something. we've lost him again. betty, maybe if you showed me the step, bud would see how easy it is. all right, father.

now, watch. i'm watching. ouch! oh, i'm sorry, princess. easy, isn't it, dad? nothing to it, huh? i missed on 4. there isn't any 4. uh, maybe you've just forgotten how to dance, dad. glissade, dad, glissade. i'm getting it. i'm getting it. [ laughs ] you look like you're trying to dance on your knees. [ laughs ] you should see yourself, dad. [ laughs ] i suppose you can do better? well, i can do better than that. come on, betty. i'm just a little out of shape, that's all. first, you got to stand up straight, like this.

well, you don't have to relax that much. hey, this glissade stuff's all right. mother, maybe you'd better dance with dad and show him how it's done. maybe i had. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. jim, you tricked poor bud into dancing. [ laughs ] i had to do something or get a bigger basement. it worked -- he's dancing. sometimes i amaze myself.

marcia: 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2... they haven't missed a dance all evening. first time i've ever seen the rhumba done in waltz time. i think you're the most wonderful dancer in the whole world. i wouldn't say the whole world. you're so easy to follow. that's 'cause you're so easy to lead. seems to be something slightly old-fashioned about marcia's style of waltzing. what do you mean, old-fashioned? well, it's just surprising that she seems to dance the same way bud does. maybe she read the same book. -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac. george, if you want to meet him,

and welcome him to the neighborhood? dorothy, the man's not a fool. he knows that every law firm in town wants to represent him, and i can't be put in the position of soliciting clients. if you want to represent him, darling, i don't see why-- simply isn't done. now, you wouldn't go to a doctor who solicited patients, would you? no, i guess not. well, of course you wouldn't. you'd question his ethics, if not his ability. and businessmen feel the same about lawyers. what do you do, george, just wait and hope? i can do more than that. see mr. griffin happens to be one of denton's oldest friends. now, if i can catch griffin in the right mood, he might recommend me. george, why don't you have hazel speak to him? - hazel?! - yes. mr. griffin would do anything in the world for her. dorothy, i assure you i don't need hazel's help. and boy, you ought to see their furniture. they got the most terrific antiques you ever laid eyes on. well, how did you get in the house?

- oh. - boy, they got a piano you could play football on. but you know, rosie, it just made me sick. they had a great big ring on it. hmm. drinkers. oh, no. it might've been a vase. i'm going to bring some of my special furniture polish when i go over. go over? what are you going to do that for? oh, i'm doing it for mr. b.'s sake. i heard him tell missy he'd like to be able to handle mr. denton's legal affairs,

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see car insurance in a whole new light. liberty mutual insurance. llll, how are you going to meet him? well, i'll just sort of infiltrate, you know? i'll go over and talk to the denton's maid and ask her to join the sunshine girls club, and then we'll talk, you know, and she'll ask me in, and i'll offer to take the ring off the piano. and then maybe i'll meet the dentons, and mr. denton and i will talk about electronics. what do you know about electronics? well, rosie, you know when n took that correspondence course in tv repairing? boy, you know, you don't run them on kerosene. you wanna come with me? oh boy, i wouldn't miss this for anything. oh, i sure hope she wants to join the sunshine girls. we'll just tell her about our activities, and she'll be dying to join. good morning. good morning. we was expecting the maid. ain't the maid home?

oh. well, i'm hazel burke. and this is my friend rosie hammika. hi, hazel. how do you do, rosie? my name is mike shiga. well, i'm very pleased to meet you, mike. likewise. i'm the maid over at the baxters. mr. baxter's that terrific lawyer everybody's talking about. maybe you've already heard of him. no, i don't think so. oh. and there isn't any maid here? no. no cook? i do the cooking, too. oh. well, i got a terrific surprise for you. i'm president of a little social group called the sunshine girls. and our members decided to invite you-- oh, no, no, hazel. we can't do that. he's a man, and it's not constitutional. hazel: oh, rosie, we gotta be more flexible. besides, there ain't nothing in the constitution that--

oh. well, i brought you some of my terrific furniture polish. in case you had a--uh--uh-- a ring or something on your furniture. that's a coincidence. we had a ring on the piano, but i removed it this morning. drinking glasses make terrible rings. this was a vase. oh. i only live three doors down, so if you have a little time, maybe you could come down and have a cup of coffee, and we could have a little chat. thanks, hazel, but i guess not. oh. well, i guess we better run along. pleased to meet you, mike. my pleasure, hazel. good-bye. good-bye. well, hazel, for once you fell on your face. oh, no. no, i just stumbled a little. i ain't given up yet. you might as well. he even turned down your cup of coffee. well, maybe coffee ain't his cup of tea. i got another idea. i'll just hold an emergency meeting

well, what on earth for? we'll just look into the constitution. maybe we can make mike an honorary sunshine girl. what do you think of that idea? harvey. malcolm denton. i thought i'd catch you at the office, you old bandit. am i interrupting anything? not at all, denton. i just cleared away my mail. what can i do for you? do you need help counting your money? [laughs] who counts? i just pile it in the corner and dust it once in a while. say, harvey, are you free for lunch? good. well, come on over about 1:00. while we're eating, i want to talk to you about something. well, i need some advice. my attorney's retired, and i'm looking for a new man. i'm sorry, son, but i just haven't time to show you my fast ball now. aw, gee. now the kids are home, and i was counting on you. i won't ask hazel anymore. why not?

well, son... i can throw as hard as she can. yeah, but then you get wild. harold, i do not get wild. i've got a very effective curve. [sighs] how long is that woman going to be on the phone? hazel? yes, hazel. i have to call mr. griffin, and she has that phone tied up for 15 minutes. i think she's calling a meeting. well, i know she's calling a meeting. hazel, how long are you going to be? oh, hi, mr. b. i'm talking to hildegarde. say hello to mr. b., hildegarde. oh, hello, mr. baxter. how are you? oh, good. listen, i want to thank you again for that sales contract you helped me with. i couldn't make heads or tales of it. well, you're very welcome, hildegarde. you know, you should never sign anything you don't understand.

i'm only half through, and i know you wanna use the phone. oh, brother. what did mr. griffin say? i haven't talked to mr. griffin. hazel's still on the phone. oh, that's right. she's calling a meeting. oh, i know she's calling a meeting. if i had any sense, i'd install a phone booth in the kitchen. hazel, will it be much longer? i'm almost through. mert, say hello to mr. b. hello, mr. baxter. you were right about my medical policy. it did pay for my sprained ankle. well, i'm happy to hear that, mert. you see, when i read it over, it seemed to me that the coverage extended to just about the-- mr. b., if you wanna use this phone, you better let me wind this up. dorothy, i'm going to fire her. now, george. don't "now, george" me. i've had it right up to here. that woman is totally without consideration. george baxter, hazel would give her life for this family. i don't want her life. i want to use the phone. there's a phone at the drugstore. son, i want to use my own phone.

it's not just using the phone. she deliberately tries to irritate me. jee, dad, hazel wouldn't do that. she loves you. - well, son-- - don't you love her? well, harold, i suppose so. did you finish your call, mr. b.? finish my call? how can i do that? and why didn't you tell me you were off the phone? well, i thought you'd know. you'd been picking up the receiver every couple of seconds. i have not. oh, that's all right. the executive committee is glad to talk to you. you'd done them a lot of favors. fine. now, if you'll excuse me, i want to call mr. griffin. oh, sure. i was going to ask you if you'd be able to come to our meeting right after lunch. why should i want to come to the meeting? well, we need some legal advice about our constitution. we're going to make a certain fella an honorary sunshine girl. an--an honorary sunshine girl? yeah. you think you can make it? well, hazel, of course i'll be there.

oh, jee. i feel so ashamed. why, george? well, dorothy, can't you see? i'm that certain fellow they're going to make an honorary sunshine girl. sounds silly, i suppose, but from their point of view, why, that's the greatest honor they could bestow. well, george, aren't you jumping to conclusions? how do you know that-- oh, look, i know, i know. it's in exchange for the favors i've done for the members through the past years. oh, you'd understand if you'd heard hildegarde and mert compliment me. i'll bring the potato salad. and i'll make a bunch of them three-decker sandwiches everybody raves about. i wonder if hildegarde'll bring a jar of them dill pickles. she'd jump at the chance. she loves to show them off. all right, i'll give her a jingle. i'd rather not go into it over the phone, mr. griffin. could i see you this afternoon?

oh, excuse me, mr. b. i didn't know you were still using the phone. hello, hazel. harvey griffin. how's my favorite member of the baxter household? oh, busier than a bird dog with uninvited flees come to lunch. are we going to see you today? hazel, that's why i called him, so-- i wish you wouldn't interrupt, baxter. that's rude. ee gads. would you like to see me, hazel? oh, it's always nice seeing you, mr. griffin. come on over. i'll give you one of them three-decker sandwiches i'm fixing for the 1:00 meeting. what meeting is that? the executive committee of the sunshine girls are electing a certain fella an honorary member. yeah. bye, mr. griffin. good-bye, hazel. and george, you called me to ask me to come over, eh? i suppose 1:00 would be convenient. call me harvey. is there any chance

who's going to be named a sunshine girl? well, yes, harvey. this probably sounds silly to you, but remember it's the highest honor they could bestow. could you drop by my place for our little conversation? i wouldn't miss our little-- [laughing] conversation for the world. see you later. what did he say? any luck? luck, dorothy? luck had nothing to do with it. i've always been able to handle mr. griffin. today's going to be a red-letter day. i'll get denton as a client, and i'll become an honorary sunshine girl all in one afternoon. i'm going to have to cancel out on lunch, malcolm. something's come up. yes, it's important. i'm going to be named an honorary sunshine girl.

oh, mr. griffin. i didn't expect you quite so early. early? it's 1:00. have they started the meeting yet? meeting? you mean hazel's meeting? of course i mean hazel's meeting. yes, they're out in the kitchen giving each other the secret handshake. you're not laughing at them, are you, baxter? well, certainly not. they're very fine women. you can bet your bottom dollar they are. - uh, mr. griffin. - yeah? will you come into the living room? there is something i would like to discuss with you. well, you'll have to make it fast. they won't be giving secret handshakes forever. that's right. and we don't want to keep them waiting, huh? a new member can't do that. no, sir. well, mr. griffin, i would like to get down to business. i've been your attorney for a long time now, and i trust you've been satisfied with my work? you do excellent work, baxter. i haven't a complaint... unless you're about to increase the size of your fees. oh, no. no, no. nothing like that.

why, i've known him for 35 years-- a sharp, shrewd, ruthless operator. he's out to get his, and he'll run over anyone that gets in his way. well, you don't make him sound too pleasant. what are you talking about? he's my kind of people. as a matter of fact, i cancelled a lunch date with him to be here today. - you did? - yes. he's looking for a law firm, and i was going to recommend you. well, now, isn't this fantastic? - what? - that was exactly the favor i was going to ask of you. oh, hi, mr. griffin. i didn't know you was here. hello, hazel. i arrived on the stroke of 1:00. how's the meeting coming? oh, that rosie's carrying on a regular filibuster. you know, there's a certain fella that we wanna make an honorary member of the sunshine girls club. - and-- - yes, i know. well, rosie says we can't. throw her out. we can't. she's on the executive committee. besides, she says it's against our constitution.

i did. and it isn't against the constitution. well, then i wish you'd come out and explain it to the girls, mr. b. we gotta take a vote, and the vote's gotta be unanimous. - hmm. - certainly, hazel. i'll be glad to. - baxter. - yes, mr. griffin? when i was sued on the dooley patent, you took it to the state supreme court and won hands down. yes. when the government brought an antitrust suit against me, you smashed it. that's right. i want you to go out in the kitchen and destroy rosie. mr. griffin. i want you to win. well, i'll do what i can. just remember, you want me to recommend you to denton. yes, i do. dorothy, the strangest thing-- mr. griffin just told me that if i'm not admitted into the sunshine girls, he won't help me get denton as a client. why should he care?

keep him entertained while i talk to the committee. yes, george. good afternoon, mr. griffin. oh, good afternoon, dorothy. how are you? uh, sit down, please. oh, i'm fine. uh, how are you? i'm nervous as a cat. oh, business problems? - business couldn't be better. - oh? i'm nervous about the sunshine girls. but why? dorothy, i don't know if i ever told you how i feel about hazel. she reminds me of my mom. yes, you've mentioned that, mr. griffin. i value her esteem more than anyone's i know. well, she doesn't give it lightly. that's why i felt so proud when she decided to make me an honorary sunshine girl. i beg your pardon? oh, don't you know? george called me with some trumped-up excuse to get me over here,

you mean she actually said she was making you an honorary sunshine girl? well, not in so many words, but i don't have to have a house fall on me. mr. griffin, i think i better go out and see what's, uh, cooking in the kitchen. and as members of the executive committee you are within your rights to grant honorary memberships. now, are there any questions? the chair recognizes rosie. madam chairwoman, fellow members of the executive committee, and honored guests-- oh, rosie, for pete's sake, the political convention has been over for a long time. snap it up. well, all right, then. the constitution says here on page three that "membership shall be limited to female domestics." now, what do you think of that? well, i would be the first to admit

is not a female domestic, but i think the key word here is "honorary." now, "honorary" designates a title, which is held without the rendering of service or receiving the privilege of the regular members. george, may i speak to you for a minute? - now? - yes, it's important. hazel, you better hear this, too. what's the matter, missy? it's mr. griffin. he just told me he expects to be made an honorary sunshine girl. - what? - oh, that's ridiculous. how could he jump to a stupid conclusion like that? apparently it's something both of you said to him on the telephone. oh, brother, that man's ego is too big to be believed. well, mr. griffin's a very nice man and i wouldn't like to hurt him, but somebody's gotta tell him he ain't even being considered. hazel, i'll handle it. that's the least i can do. i know you girls want to get on with your vote. thanks, mr. b.

of making a man an honorary sunshine girl. so any discussion? questions? all right, now, we'll take a vote. all those in favor of making mike shiga an honorary sunshine girl-- excuse me, hazel. uh, did you say "mike shiga"? yeah, he's the houseboy over at the dentons. good grief. i don't know quite how to tell you this. - george-- - not now, dorothy. - did rosie blackball me? - well, no, no. then i'm in. well, no. - george-- - please, dorothy, not now. you see, mr. griffin. you jumped to a false conclusion. you aren't the honorary member they're considering. if i'm not going to be made an honorary sunshine girl, who is? - george. - please, dorothy. i am, mr. griffin. i don't believe it.

tell him who's going to be the honorary sunshine girl. - mike shiga. - that's-- mike sh-- who in the world is mike shiga? he's the houseboy at the dentons. you--you mean, uh-- well, not me?

having mike as a member of the sunshine girls is going to be a big break for us. do you think he can get us a good deal on transistor radios? rosie, i was thinking more along social lines. like making flower arrangements. or japanese cooking. oh, yes. they're good. but what i was thinking of was judo and karate lessons. - hi. - hi.

oh, no. this is the executive committee of the sunshine girls. you met rosie, and this is hildegarde and mert and florence and eileen. how do you do? do you mind if we come in for a minute? not at all. oh, but we can't make too much noise. mr. and mrs. denton are watching television in the living room. oh. well, let's keep it down to a roar, girls. [chattering] oh, say, look at this. yeah, you know, neat as a pin, rosie. i'll check the sink. that something? uh, i hope you all can find a seat over there. oh, don't worry about me. i'll stand. i'm kind of the spokesman of the group. well, first we want to complement you on your kitchen. thank you, hazel. and second, we wanna welcome you to america. i think you're a little bit too late. i was born in chicago 30-odd years ago. oh, for pete's sake. second generation? fifth.

i'm only third. well, welcome to america. i think i'm going to like it. well, now, to get down to brass tacks. the executive committee of the sunshine girls have unanimously voted you an honorary member. - me? - yes. it's kind of overwhelming, ain't it? i brought you some brownies. uh, hazel, uh-- hazel...i'm a member of the ymca. would you like to join? no. of course i work out at the yw. exactly. it simplifies things in the locker room. i feel the same way being a sunshine girl. you don't wanna? i'm sorry. i don't wanna. it's a terrific organization, mike. well, so are the camp fire girls and the girl scouts, but i never joined. [doorbell rings] excuse me, there's someone at the front door.

how do you like that? we've been spurned. hazel, let's get out of here. mert: we know when we're not wanted. you all go. i'm going to stick around. what are you going to stick around for? well, mr. denton's in there, and i ain't gonna go till i meet him. i told you once, hazel, you fell flat on your face. give up. no, i won't. not until i talk to mr. denton about mr. b. i wonder what would happen if i was to sashay in there with the coffee... and my brownies. how do you do, mr. baxter? how do you do? pleasure meeting you, mr. baxter. thank you, sir. i had to drag him by the arm to get him over here. but you need a lawyer, and he's the best, so i thought you two ought to meet. well, i'm delighted. why don't you sit down and join us in a cup of coffee. uh, mike, will you bring in the-- anybody for coffee? hazel, what are you doing here? oh, boy. who is this woman? maybe i can help, mr. denton. she's president of some goofy club called the sunshine girls.

but now there's storm signals all over the place. don't protect her, dorothy. it was absolutely inexcusable. she was doing it for you, george. she was trying to help you get to represent mr. denton. - [doorbell rings] - if she hadn't come barging in with those brownies and that coffee, i'd be representing him right now. in all the confusion, we didn't even get around to the subject. i hate to say it, dorothy, but george is right. hazel overstepped her bounds. we have our sphere in life, and she has hers. she shouldn't have become involved. excuse me, but mr. denton is here. - denton? - denton? just a moment, hazel. i want to return the container your brownies came in. they were delicious. my wife wonders if you'd give her the recipe. oh, sure. i'll write it down. good. you know, baxter, in my position in life, it's refreshing to find somebody who'd do something for a person without wanting something in return, like hazel and her brownies. - i like my new neighbors. - well, i--

well, uh, mr. denton, i-i-i can't accept under false pretenses. you see, hazel took the brownies over hoping to help me get that job. i know that. and she didn't want a thing from you, did she? well, no. so i decided that a man who can command that kind of loyalty from an employee is the kind of man i want working for me. you owe her a vote of thanks. thank you, hazel. oh... don't mention it, mr. b. if i could, i'd hire her away from you. what are you cooking the baxters for dinner tonight? - bird. - bird? crow. and for dessert, maybe a little humble pie.

your client albert dewitt is charged with the attempted theft of an overcoat, mr. baxter. how do you plead? not guilty, your honor. you may proceed. i would like to call miss hazel burke to the stand. raise your right hand. do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? sure, that's why i'm here. i wanna tell everything i--

i do. sounds like i was gettin' married. now, miss burke-- just a moment. according to the arresting officer, miss hazel burke was responsible for the arrest. is this the same miss burke? yes, your honor. she, uh-- yes, your honor. i was the one that had al pulled in. later, i changed my mind. not because i'm a woman. i had a very good reason-- i'll explain that. your honor, miss burke's reasons for appearing for the defense will come out in my questioning. very well. now then, miss burke, yesterday afternoon, you were having lunch at the colonial restaurant with your friend mr. enzo martelli. yes, that's right, mr. b. and enzo-- pardon me, miss burke. you refer to mr. baxter as mr. b.? your honor, she's in my employ. my maid. and cook and housekeeper. as a matter of fact,

my congratulations, mr. baxter. please continue. miss burke, will you kindly tell the court as briefly as possible what happened in the restaurant. oh, sure. enzo and me was eatin' lunch, and al was sittin' at the next table workin' on some papers. by al, you mean the defendant, mr. dewitt. yes, sir. you know him well? oh, no. i never seen him before yesterday. no, he's a stranger in town. he just follows the horses around wherever there's a racetrack open. that's why when i changed my mind, i wanted mr. b. to help him out 'cause he was broke. and i felt it was really my fault that he got arrested. and mr. b. was very nice about it. he ain't chargin' al a cent. you may proceed. okay, so al was workin' on some papers--

would it facilitate matters, mr. baxter, if you took the chair and miss burke asked the questions? i'll handle it, your honor. miss burke, will you kindly tell the court what mr. dewitt did? well, al jumped up and he took enzo's overcoat from the rack between the tables. i let out a yell and enzo grabbed him. the waiter went and got a cop, and they arrested al. well, what explanation did he offer? oh, he said it was a mistake. he said that he had an overcoat just like enzo's, that he pawned it the day before, and that he was so busy workin' on his scratch sheet-- you know, dopin' the horses-- that he forgot and he took enzo's coat. it sounded like a lot of malarkey to me, and so...they took him away. but later...? oh, sure, i figured that a man could have a slip of the brain

you know how it is, your honor. i do not know how it is. miss burke, what action was taken? well, al gave us his pawn ticket and we went to the pawn shop. thank you, miss burke. and lo and behold-- thank you, miss burke. thanks, your honor. uh, your honor, i would like to call your attention to this overcoat, which i'd like to introduce as exhibit "b." exhibit "a" here is owned by mr. enzo martelli. exhibit "b" is the one pawned by my client mr. dewitt. your honor, you will note they are similar in color, size and fabric. i offer these as proof that my client is guilty of nothing more than lapse of memory.

case dismissed. thanks, mr. baxter! you got me out of a bad jam and i'll never forget it! glad i could help you. thank you so much, your honor. thank you very much. [doorbell rings] good morning, hazel. oh, i thought you'd left town. no, not without seeing some more of my family. is mr. baxter in? i didn't know you had a family here. oh, no, i mean you and the baxters. since you were all so nice to me yesterday, i've adopted you as my family. is that mrs. baxter in there? yeah. yeah, that's mrs. baxter. missy, this is al dewitt, the man that didn't swipe the overcoat. hello. you've got a prince of a husband, mrs. baxter. he got me off in court and didn't charge me one red cent. yes, he told me about it. a fella like that deserves the best outta life,

well, thank you. yes, i'm real glad to see that mr. baxter has a real fine wife. that's a very important thing, you know. are you married, mr. dewitt? not me, no, no. but that doesn't mean it's not important for other men. oh, i see. course, lots of women have given me the eye. oh, yes, i bet they ran after you. not fast enough. see, whenever i see a woman get that marriage look in her eye, i pick up and move on to another town. i'm the footloose and fancy-free type. honey, i'm on my way. good to see you again, mr. baxter. i was just telling hazel that i've adopted you as my family. oh, well, that's very kind of you, but-- just like a family i adopted once in inglewood, california. i used to hang around with them all the time except when i was out at the track. we got along fine. one day, they moved away. what can i do for you today? well, nothing, really, at the moment, al. i should be on my way to the office. can i give you a lift? there you go again wanting to do something for me.

let me drive you to the office. oh, no, i wouldn't think of that, al. don't worry, i got a driver's license, and i'm a very good driver, too. you can sit there and relax and i'll do the chauffeuring. no, al, really, i don't want that. give me a chance to show my gratitude. you can be robinson crusoe, i'll be your man friday. why not, darling? you can see how much it would please mr. dewitt. yeah, that's right, mr. b. you could be lookin' over the legal papers while al's driving you. all right, al, let's get started. now you're talkin'! bye, honey. just because i follow the horses don't mean i don't know about cars, too. one time in erie, pennsylvania, i picked up an old jalopy in a used car lot... he's quite a gabber. yes, but he has a big heart. yeah, and the lungs to match. you do all this research on a perfect car

your insurance company raises your rates. maybe you should have done more research on them. for drivers with accident forgiveness, liberty mutual won't raise your rates due to your first accident. just one of the many features that comes standard with our base policy. call for a free quote today. see car insurance in a whole new light.

may i see your license, please? what'd i do, officer? illegal left turn. there's a sign posted in the center of the street. i didn't see it. he just happened to be talking at the time. officer, would you make the ticket out to me? it is my car. nope, have to make it out to the driver. is he your chauffeur? well, i wouldn't say mr. dewitt is a chauffeur. he's more of a monologist. oh, al, here, take this five dollars. go over to the courthouse and pay that traffic ticket. oh, i'm awfully embarrassed about this, mr. baxter. but don't worry. i'll make it up to you somehow. al, please, please don't try. and don't bother about coming back here. i'll drive myself home after work. okay, mr. baxter. morning, miss scott. oh, mr. baxter, mr. lyons called

oh, fine. lyons is all i need. is it about that real estate case? yes. evidently, he's trying to rush me into an out-of-court settlement for his client, but i'm not ready for him. when he shows up, tell him i'm not here. all right. i can level with any other lawyer but not this fellow. i understand. you are not in to mr. lyons. right. your worthy employer wouldn't be avoiding me by any chance? oh, no, mr. lyons. he was called away unexpectedly. i tried to reach you. well, i'll leave counselor a note. hi, miss scott. oh, mr. dewitt. i found something that i think will get me out of the doghouse with your boss-- a little present. "world's greatest lawyer." cute, huh? yes, it is. i'll cheer him up. i'll take it in to him. oh, wait, mr. dewitt. he's not in. he went to court. i'll just leave it on his desk.

well, baxter, the next time we meet will be in court, and i'll fracture you! what's with him? i was supposed to be out. oh, no! oh, mr. baxter, that's terrible. if i could find a hole, i'd crawl right into it. if i could find a shovel, i'd dig one for you. [doorbell rings] good morning, hazel. well, fancy seeing you here. i just came over to drive mr. baxter to the office again. this time, there won't be any snafu. you bet there won't. mr. b. just left for the office a half an hour ago. oh, darn it. i'll go downtown, see if i can help him with-- - [phone rings] - excuse me. baxter residence. oh, hi, mr. b.

yeah. yeah, all right. in the top drawer of the desk. yes, okay. well, as soon as i finish the breakfast dishes, i'll bring 'em down to ya. bye. hey, let me take it down to him. let me do it. oh, i don't know, al. okay, so i goofed yesterday. let me show him it was just bad luck. well, i am busy. and i don't know how you could mess up this job. oh, good, hazel. where's the briefcase? they're in the den. you wait here. let me go with you. i've never seen a lawyer's den before. be my guest. it's real educational. someday, mr. b. is gonna forget and go to work without his pants. then he'll need a lawyer. oh, it's a nice room. hey, engraved business cards. high class. yeah, okay, now start your messenger service. okay.

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s,s, judge, i know al dewitt is still in town. how well i know it. have you spoken to him today? no. he was in the office, but i didn't see him.

handing out your business cards and urging people to employ you. oh, no! he even gave me one. he said, "if you ever get in trouble, buddy, this is the man to see." apparently, he failed to recognize me without my robe. oh, judge, this is terrible. that's why i came to warn you. i certainly appreciate it. i'll go find him and put a stop to this right now. do that before he starts carrying a sign around with your picture on it. mr. baxter sure left early this morning. i hope he's still not mad at me. oh, no, he just had to go to court, so i figured we could spend the day together here. how come you're not wearing your uniform today? goin' to the laundry? i thought you'd never notice. no, i like to dress up like this every now and then. you know, like i'd dress up in my own home if i had a husband and all. you like the dress?

it's a good job, and the baxters are swell people. they sure are. but it gets kinda lonesome sometimes, ya know? i guess every woman dreams about getting married like i do. but the right man ain't just come along. for me. not yet. maybe when i finish eating, i better go down to the courthouse mr. baxter might need something. no. if mr. baxter needs ya, he'll call you. no, we're gonna spend the day here together. just you and me. there ya are. put your feet up. that a boy. now ain't that more comfortable? yeah, it's comfortable. i love to see a man comfortable. not bein' married, i don't have a chance to do things like this very much. i guess you don't, no.

'cause i know how you love horses. [chuckles] [hums] sure you don't want another piece of pie? i baked it just for you. no, thanks. it was mighty good, but i'm stuffed. well... oh, boy, for pete's sake, it's after 3:00. well, the time has just flown for me today. yeah, me, too. i guess it's havin' you here that made it go so fast. i guess when a girl's married, it goes fast all the time. just havin' a husband makes the time fly. hazel, you been talkin' an awful lot about marriage today. well, i guess that's 'cause i'm single; i think a lot about it. i've had lots of offers, but i never wanted to take any of them.

i'd grab him. hazel, this kind of man you got in mind, is he anything like me? yeah. he's exactly like you, al. that does it. hazel, i been dodgin' marriage all my life. oh, that's too bad, 'cause i don't give up easy, and if you stick around this town-- - hazel, let's get married. - what?! hazel, we'll make a great team. what with your cooking and my talent for the horses, we can open a little restaurant out by the racetrack someplace and-- no. no, no, no, al, listen. look, hazel, you don't have to answer me now. you can say yes tomorrow. but remember, i won't take no for an-- oh, hi, mrs. baxter. oh, did i interrupt anything? oh, yes, he, uh... mrs. baxter, hazel will tell you the good news. i gotta go right downtown now and see my friend mr. baxter and tell him what it's all about.

oh, he nearly talked my arm off talkin' about you today. - that's fine. - what did he say, george? well, he said what he likes about hazel is that she never butts in - when he's talking. - hmm! he said that hazel never bosses a fella around or try to tell him what to do or tell him how to run his life. frankly, i thought we were talking about two different hazels. two different hazels? that just might be the answer. yeah, norval, you got that straight? okay. you got the name right? that's right. okay. thanks, norval. i sure appreciate it. bye. certainly been busy on that telephone. who was that? oh, that's norval packridge our milkman. i gave him bowling lessons once and now he's returnin' the favor. [doorbell ring]

i'll get it, and hazel, i hope this works. oh, it better or you'll be throwin' rice at me soon. like i was tellin' missy this mornin', we're gonna make a perfect couple. we sure are, hazel. [chuckles quietly] of course, you could stand a lot of improvin', and i got a couple of ideas for improvin' ya. well, i guess i'm not perfect, that's for sure. well, first, i got a present for ya. ah! a necktie. oh, hazel, isn't that-- i always wear bowties though. yeah, i know. but since we're gettin' married, you might as well know i can't stand 'em, so let's get rid of that silly thing. wait a minute. i'll take it off if you don't like it. good boy. 'cause we don't want any misunderstandin' before we start our life together. we wanna get everything straight right now, don't we? yeah, well, uh...

it's right there on the stove. and while you're up, you might as well fill my cup. no use of us both gettin' up. on second thought, we haven't got time for more coffee. we better get started cleanin' the kitchen. here, put this on. it's sure a lot easier to clean up a messy kitchen when you got somebody to help ya. yeah. well, i haven't had much experience at washin' out greasy skillets. you was just fine. after we been married a couple of months, you'll be an old hand at it. that sounds like norval; maybe he has good news for us. norval? oh, hi, norval. hi, hazel.

yeah, this is al dewitt. al, this is norval packridge. hi, al, pleasure to know ya. hazel tells me you're lookin' for a job. job?! yes. al and me is gettin' married, and a married man needs a good, steady job, right, al? well, yeah, i guess, but...what? so how did you make out, norval? i talked to the foreman about him this morning. he says he can use another driver, all right. good. so if you meet me at the dairy in the morning, al, before i take off on my route, i'll introduce you to the boss, and, well, you can take it over from there. drivin' a milk truck? gee, i don't know. what time do you want him to be there, norval? well, i hit the street at 5:00 a.m., so... he better meet me about 4:30. 4:30? in the morning?! he'll be there. and thanks very much. i certainly do appreciate it.

hazel, i hate to say this, but you and me could be makin' a big mistake. why? what do you mean, al? this gettin' married-- that ain't for us. are you turning me down? only for your sake, hazel. you're a wonderful woman; i'm not good enough for ya. i'm just a drifter; i like to play the horses... i could ruin your whole life. i care too much for you to do that to you, hazel. so, hazel, this is good-bye. al! boy, look at him go.

it's a magnificent instrument. in fact, it's the finest camera i've ever owned. it looks pretty complicated. how do you trip the shutter? oh, well, this little button-- hey, dad, when you were in the navy-- dennis, you're interrupting. it's this one right here, mitchell. this right here? that's right. what's it for? well, dennis, you just push that when you-- oh! great scott. dennis, for pete's sake. jeepers, he told me to. i was only trying to explain-- oh, never mind. just lead me home, mitchell. it'll pass in a minute, mr. wilson. i don't why i come over here because every time i do something happens to me. jeepers, i'm sorry, mr. wilson. dennis, what did you want?