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for a free quote today. see car insurance in a whole new light. liberty mutual insurance. man: and now, miss avocado grove. oh, wow, she is really something. why are we watching this awful beauty contest? 'cause he's got the remote control. oh. give me that. hey, get out of here. you girls should be interested in this. look on it as a self-improvement course. do you think of women purely as sex objects? of course not. i-i like their intelligence, too. and now, miss soybean. just look at the brains on that one. i don't see where they got a sash big enough to fit her. well, i think it's degrading.

no. no. i'd like to see men parading up and down like that. yeah. anything to oblige. ladies and ladies, welcome to the first annual mr. male chauvinist pig contest of 1978. da-da! and here we have the very lovely and talented mr. pico boulevard. looking absolutely stunning in his pair of filthy jeans. and we'd like to thank filthy jeans for lending them to him. first of all, deportment... he ought to be deported. diddle dee dee. ( doorbell chimes ) i'll get it. no, i'll get it. honey, i'm up.

going out on a date? uh... ( clears throat ) mr. roper... uh, what can we do for you? well, it's about the garden. what garden? my garden. you mean that jungle out behind the garages? there's a terrific garden underneath all those weeds. i thought you kids should have use of it. for what, safaris? well, i'll tell you the truth. mrs. roper's been nagging me about it. she's really going nuts since she's taken this flower arranging course. oh, and now she'd like some homegrown flowers to arrange? yeah. also, there could be a terrific lawn out there. once you've cleared it and got rid of the... what do you mean once we've cleared it? oh, i thought you'd volunteer for the job. why would we do that? let me put it this way-- who would get the most pleasure out of the garden?

who would enjoy the exercise? not us. who can't afford a raise in the rent? mr. roper, there's a word for the sort of threat you just made. yeah, what's that? effective. good. good. then, you'll do it tomorrow. thank you. yeah. ( sighs ) well, good-bye weekend. that garden is right out of tarzan of the apes. it is a little overgrown. a little? chrissy, there are pockets of japanese in there who don't know the war is over. dear, you ought to be out in the garden helping the kids instead of in here fooling around with that homemade beer. don't scoff-- if this beer turns out all right i'll sell some to the regal beagle. aw, come on, stanley. when are we going to get a chance to sample

well, the batch i made two weeks ago should be ready just about now. is that why the bottles keep exploding? i don't know why you started this silly nonsense anyway. it's not nonsense. it's my hobby. it's better than that stupid flower arranging course you're going to. flower arranging is not stupid. it's artistic. it's effeminate. well, i'm supposed to be effeminate. just like you're emasculate. oh, you know, what this arrangement needs is something... something tall and green and prickly. how about your mother? this is terrible.

yes. yes, you have. you've killed roper's garden hose. let me see. ( imitating rattlesnake ) jack. chrissy, honey, where'd you put the rake? it's over there somewhere. thank you. oh, good, you found it. listen, while you're down there, jack would you get me the rake? here you go. thank you. you okay? peachy. great. here, take this. sure. come over here by chrissy. see those big weeds down there? i want you to dig all those up and make sure you get right down to the roots. all right. okay. chrissy? hmm? did i just stick this fork through your foot? no. oh.

here's the first batch. did you remember to put in the eye of newt and tongue of bat? can you spare them? boy, this is going to be great. great, yeah. like when you painted the bathtub last month? can't you forget about that? well, you could have told me before i got in it. you should have seen your face when you stuck to the bottom. it wasn't my face i was worried about. do you know it took me a whole week to get all of that paint off? i told you. i told you to use a brillo pad. come on, stanley, pour the beer. let's have a look at what's going to put budweiser out of business. smells all right, i think.

no way. it's got little things swimming around in it. those are hops. okay. so it has little things hopping around in it. here we go. where do you keep your insurance policy, stanley? this is good. it's got kind of a nutty flavor. it should have; look who made it. hi, hi, hi. oh, hi kids. listen, we have done all we can for today. we'll finish up tomorrow. oh, good. good. aren't you going to give them something for all the work they did? huh? oh, yeah. yeah. here. have some beer. no, thank you. me neither.

well, it hasn't quite settled yet. how about you, jack? you look like you could use a nice cold beer. you're so right. stanley made it himself. i strained it through a pair of helen's stockings. my best pair. how do you like it? well, i'll tell you, it's... excuse me. seeds. uh... it's a little strong. but, you know, it's not bad. well, here, take two bottles up with you. chrissy, those are really pretty. did you find them in the garden? oh, yeah. they were growing wild. you know, these are exactly what i need for my flower arrangement. would it be okay if i take a couple of 'em? oh, sure. here. take these. oh, thanks. you know, we're having an arts and crafts exhibition at school, and, who knows?

aah! aw, gee. we better go wash up. uh, mrs. roper, honey, good luck at your flower exhibition. let me know if i could help you. oh, thanks, janet. i hope you win. yeah, me, too. hey, thanks for the suds. ( belches ) uh, a millimeter to the left and i would've lost this toe. it's only bruised. well, i got to go over marilyn's. i promised her i'd help her move this afternoon. oh, okay. bye-bye. bye, babe. hey, janet... hmm? on your way back see if you can pick me up a packet of assorted toes. boy, anyone would think you were mortally wounded. chrissy, this happens to be my favorite toe. this is the little piggy that went to market. hi. hi, larry. you're up early; it's only noon. i was worrying about that five bucks i owe you. you don't owe me five bucks.

come on, jack, you wouldn't want me worrying myself sick over nothing, would you? just take it. jack... i have no resistance left, chrissy. my toe is dying. make it ten bucks; i'll send a wreath. look out. where did you get that? from roper's garden. yeah? you know what you've got here? wildflowers. i don't know what they're called. i do. they're called cannabis. really? oh, that's pretty. that's marijuana. what? what? pot.

you'll get a year in jail for those. what should we do? what you mean, "we"? officer, i never saw these people before in my life. thank you and good night. well, we'll burn them.

and half the neighborhood gets stoned. well, we can dig a big hole and bury them. yeah, and next year, a whole new crop comes up. call me. thanks for your help, larry. uh... okay, i got an idea, chrissy. what? we'll put this out on the balcony and get the cat next door to come visit it. no. well, that's how you lost your fern. i think we should go to the police and ask their advice. no way. no police. chrissy, i feel funny. that's 'cause you've been drinking all that beer. no, i mean, coming here is a big mistake.

i was afraid of that. you shouldn't bring those bikes in here. well, we can't leave them in front of the police station. they'll get stolen. what do you want? what do we want? uh... okay, my name i-is, is... you don't have to tell him your name. that's true. i don't have to tell you my name. not yet anyway. not yet anyway. o-officer? ohh! sorry. nail these things down. uh, officer, uh, i-if i may we just dropped in to ask a few questions on, on behalf of a friend. you don't know him. i don't know you either. well, you'd like him if you did. he's very honest and loyal, sin... no more. ...cere. o-o-officer, w-what i meant is... i-if my friend, you know, committed some kind of a... uh, offense, uh, without meaning to commit that offense... what he means is if his friend was innocent

of what? of what he didn't do. huh? uh, chrissy, you know, i think we shouldn't bother the sergeant with this unimportant thing. so why don't we just mosey...? wait a minute. now, you said "offense." what kind of offense? you tell. oh, well, it's, it's, uh... a-a-anything-- it could be anything. you know, uh, oh, what? uh, parking, uh, income tax uh, possession of drugs, uh... no driving license... drugs? he didn't say drugs. what kind of drugs? and what did you mean by "possession"? uh, uh... it, it's a plant. someone's planted drugs on you? ye... no! no. no. possession of drugs is a very serious crime. well, uh, o-off... now, suppose you tell me

oh... oh, uh... well... o-officer, i didn't want to bother you, you know. it's, i'm jus... it's just a hypo, hypo... hypodermic! ...thetical-- hypothetical. oh, look, let's gust forjet it. let's just forget it, i mean. i-i, i'm just here to compile information for this wook i'm biting. so let's get out of here, chrissy! just a minute. hmm? are you riding those bicycles to your home? just the one. ( nervous laughter ) it's a little joke. i'm such a zany, madcap kind... no, i can't ride both of them home so, i'm just going to take... she has to get home somehow. so she's going to take the girls' bike. i'll take the one with the bar which is... the boys', uh, bike. have you been drinking? who, me? ( laughing ) no! well, just some homemade beer.

did you know it's against the law to ride a bicycle while under the influence? you're kidding. i think i'd like you to take a breath test. uh, no, officer, i can breathe just fine. see? ( panting ) don't want to take a breath test, eh? fine, sir. can you fill this? not from here. in there! see you. i told you you shouldn't be drinking that dumb beer. ohh! you didn't have to tell the cop that i'd been drinking it. he could smell your breath before you opened your mouth. oh, chrissy, i'm going to have to go to court

before i see my bike again. i love that bike. the cops'll probably be riding it all around l.a. oh, it's going to need new tires and a new horn. jack, we still haven't decided what we're going to do about those plants. chop them up and put them down the garbage disposal. it doesn't work. get roper to fix it. roper?! oh, i forgot all about roper! oh, well, he is forgettable. no! i just remembered. mrs. roper is using one of the marijuana plants in her flower arrangement. oh, boy, we better go warn her. it's too late. they're at the exhibition already. that's my teacher, stanley. she's one of the judges. straighten up. try to look interested. but i'm not interested. then try to look alive.

look at the way you're dressed. did you remember to wear clean shorts? why? are they judging them, too? ah, that's a beautiful effort, miss reilly. quite poetic. get a shot. the local press is here. oh, yeah? ( phone ringing ) don't smile! it makes you look simpleminded. the telephone for me? oh, no... stanley, what am i going to do? i'm wanted on the phone, and my exhi... here, you take it. what if they take a picture while i'm gone? so, don't hurry back. hello? who? oh, hello, chrissy. mrs. roper has a what in her arrangement?

can of "bis"? what's that? oh, cannabis. so? what? what?! mariju...! shh! i know it's illegal. oh, my god! helen, helen... no, not now, stanley! i'm next! but what if they find that stuff in there? be quiet! helen, you don't... teacher's coming! helen...! shh! oh! ah, yes, uh... "symphony of the wild flowers." oh... well, it's, uh, it's very... unusual, mrs. roper. uh, perhaps a little ragged. not your best work

you'll improve. keep at it. you know what they say: "practice makes perfect." why, stanley? why?! i didn't want them to see that plant. really? why? it's such a fascinating little fellow. what? yes, it'called false aralia. false aralia? not cannabis? cannabis? oh, dear me. we do have a lot to learn, haven't we? you...! you...! what if you had a medical emergency away from home? my chest hurts. i can't breathe. what you need is mobile help. america's premier mobile medical alert system. most systems only work at home. but with mobile help, you get help outside the home,

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but i don't understand where you guys got the idea that this was cannabis. well, larry said it was. you believed larry? this is obviously not cannabis. it's false aralia. you work in a flower shop but we don't know anything. well, all you have to do is compare it. with what? with this. this is cannabis. get it away from me. well, i don't want it. i'm throwing this out the door off the balcony. i don't want this in our house anymore. happy birthday! ( whistling )

come and knock on our door we've been waitin' for you we've been waitin' for you where the kisses are hers and hers and his three's company, too come and dance on our floor come and dance on our floor take a step that is new take a step that is new we've a lovable space that needs your face three's company, too you'll see that life is a ball again laughter is callin' for you down at our rendezvous down at our rendezvous three is company, too. hi, i'm leeza gibons with an amazing story about how philips lifeline gives betty white peace of mind and gave my father a second chance at life. daddy is invincible. that's how we want to think about our parents. knowing that dad lives alone, we worry. that's why was so hard for all of us when he had his heart attack. i wasn't feeling well that day.