and you knew where you were then girls were girls and men were men mister, we could use a man like herbert hoover again didn't need no welfare state everybody pulled his weight gee, our old lasalle ran great

hello there, michael, my boy. hold it. hold it. don't talk. i just wanna get down this thought. yeah? what is it? i'm sorry. gee. i didn't want to bother you or nothing. i was just wondering where your mother-in-law is. oh, yeah. she's upstairs. i'll clear the books so she can set the table.

don't do nothing like that. no. leave all the books and papers there. keep on studying there. i don't wanna disturb that. don't you want your dinner? i don't have to have my dinner the minute i walk in the door. since when? since you are studying for your exams here so as you can graduate there in two weeks. listen, i know my priororities and this is priororer. well, thanks a lot, arch. hmm. you sure you're comfortable here? yeah. why? well, i just thought maybe you'd like to go over to my chair and sit and study over there. huh? yeah. hey, listen, i do my best thinking in that chair.

well, thanks, arch. this is fine here. yeah. good, good. you just keep soaking up them words, whatever they are. that's what a student ought to do. pass them exams, get out there in life. doo-doo doo-doo-doo-- [humming] huh? you got a new home there, billy boy. what are you gonna do with that? i'm gonna hang that in my den. what den? the den i'm gonna have in your bedroom. after you pass your exams and graduate and get outta here. can't even wait for our bedroom to get cold, huh, arch? well, listen, you know yourself,

arch, why would anybody wanna hang a thing like this in a house? that there is a trophy. you hang trophies in the den in the house. it's barbaric. no, it's a goat. i know what it is. it's another example of senseless slaughter. it ain't no slaughter. barney hefner got that hunting. he killed it with his m-1. well, why doesn't he hang it in his house? because he ain't got a den in his house like i'm gonna have a den in my house. and by the way, you can have a den in your house someday if you work hard enough. if i did, i'd be embarrassed to have this thing staring me in the face. oh. well, you know, i could have the other end of it stuffed for you. you don't have to do that, arch. just give me a portrait of yourself. sure. why don't you take a picture of this? [blows raspberry]

when he is trying to study. i wish he wouldn't talk to me when he's trying to study. hello, archie. all right, edith. now, don't ask me how was my day. i wasn't going to. i was gonna wait till the argument was over. it's over. oh. how was your day? never mind my day. i got something to show you. look at this here. oh, my! yucky! what is that? what do you mean "what is that?" look at the horns on him. that there's a killer goat. where did you get that? barney hefner gave it to me to hang in my den. what den? the den i'm gonna have in your bedroom when the meathead checks outta here. i think that's absolutely repulsive. oh, yeah? why? i'm just exchanging one deadhead for another. ho-ho-ho. i don't think i'm gonna like him looking at me with them big sad eyes.

them there are glass eyes. that wasn't fair of barney hefner, shooting a blind animal. no, no. [talking incoherently] honey, wake up. no. michael, you're dreaming again. no. [shouting] no! michael! no! oh, jeez. there he goes again. was that mike shouting again? no, edith. it's dracula collecting for the blood bank. he must be having another nightmare. oh, well, why can't he have them things in the daytime when people ain't trying to sleep? gloria says it's about his exams.

oh, he ain't got nothing to worry about. i seen the hippies and bums that go to that college there. they ain't got a brain in their heads, and he's as smart as any of them. i ain't looking forward to mike graduating. listen, let him get out and start working so he can start paying me back some of what he owes me for board and lodging here. archie, you wouldn't ask him to do that, would ya? [sarcastically] no, no, no, no. listen, edith, you wouldn't want me to break a promise, would you? no. you should never break a promise. that's right. and i promised myself that he was gonna pay me back every cent. oh, archie, maybe they could stay on here for a little longer. no, no, no. i'm looking forward to that den i'm gonna have. do you realize i'm 50 years of old and i ain't never had a den yet? i didn't know you wanted one that bad. oh, edith, what are you talking about?

he can be by himself with his stuff there. he can have a desk over here and then over here, one of them reclimbing chairs. what are you gonna do in your den? edith, you do a lot of things in a den. you do-- well, for instance, you take a nap for yourself when you wanna. here. hold it. hold it. here. close your eyes. what for? just close them, huh? just for a little surprise here. oh! ha. all right. now, don't open them till i say "open." all right. all right. okay. open them. archie, you've got a pipe. yeah. ain't that something? that's one of the most important things you do in a den. you sit there and you smoke your pipe, you pet the dog-- we ain't got a dog. ah, shut up! i tell you, it's a nightmare.

i can't, gloria. you know what the worst part of it is? when the telephone comes to the door. a telephone-- yeah. comes to the door? a giant payphone, and it tells me that professor blake wants to see me immediately. so i'm running through the campus and all of a sudden, the sidewalks are turning into quicksand. every step i take, i'm sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand. and just before i go under, professor blake, who's hanging from a tree, he grabs me, pulls me out and saves my life. well, at least your nightmare has a happy ending. no! that's when he tells me i failed! oh, honey, come on. get under the blankets here. now, try. try to get some sleep. i can't, gloria. i'll just have that nightmare all over again. try! i can't! it's impossible! well, all right, honey. then as long as you're up, i wanna talk to you about something that's really been worrying me. you see, i'm gonna keep working until you get a job and, well, maybe even after that,

and keep house all at the same time. i've been worried about this for a long time. i just didn't know how to bring it up and talk to you about it, honey. what if i can't keep house and work at the same time? i'm afraid i might fail you.

[footsteps on stairs] hi, honey. it's a beautiful morning. why don't we get outta the house? no, no, no, gloria. i can't. the mail hasn't come yet. it's been two weeks since the exams. the results are due today. i made some coffee and i've got some nice fresh doughnuts. maybe a doughnut will take your mind off the exams. no, it won't, ma. it'll just remind me of what i'm gonna get. a zero.

maybe if i took two doughnuts and put a twinkie in front of them, it would look like 100. [both laughing] [doorbell rings] ah, that's him! that's him! that's the mailman! he's here. he's bringing it special delivery. oh, it's only you, irene. isn't it wonderful to be popular? i'm sorry. come on in. edith: hello, irene. gloria: you'll have to forgive michael. he's waiting for his exam results to come. still no news? no! ohh. would you like some coffee, irene? oh, no, thank you. i just came to give you this envelope. i'm collecting for charities united. oh, i'll get you some money right away. you don't have to give it to me right this minute. i can come back next week. oh, no, i better give it to you now. yeah, before archie gets home and says he gave at the office. i gather archie doesn't believe in charities. no, no. he believes in them. he just thinks that they should be self-supporting. here you are. oh, thank you, edith.

i think i hear the mailman. i think i hear him. that's him. i think i hear him. that was him. he was just here. he left the mail. the mail's in the mailbox. go, gloria, get the mail. what? please! get the mail from the mailbox! mike, i bet you're gonna get all a's. ma, what are you trying to do, jinx me? relax, mike. like frank always says, "que sera, sera." that's right. if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. here, honey. here's the mail. here's the mail. open the mail. no. michael, i think you should open it. gloria, please, just open the mail and don't tell me unless it's good news, please. oh, god! it isn't here. it isn't here? what do you mean, it isn't here? it isn't here. that's it, they're torturing me. you see? two weeks, i've been waiting for these results. by the time i get the results,

that's what happens, you know. some guys jump off bridges, commit suicide. but, mike, they really regret it later. [telephone ringing] i'll get it. torture. it's the chinese water torture. two weeks, i'm waiting here. gloria: just a minute, please. michael, it's professor blake! it's professor blake. it's professor blake. professor-- professor blake. hello, professor. yeah, this is michael stivic. no, no, i was just sitting around the house, relaxing, having a few laughs, ha, ha, ha, ha. what? uh, yeah, sure, i could do that right away. yeah. all right. goodbye. well, what did he want? he wants me to come see him. now? right now. this is it, my dream come true. oh, that's nice, mike. nice? i failed!

but why else would he want me to come to see him? honey, it's just a coincidence. dreams don't come true. good dreams don't come true. this dream is coming true right now! wait for me. i'll come with you. good. you can help pull me out of the quicksand. good luck, mike. oh, yeah. bye. oh, i gotta get home. oh, irene, please, stay for a minute. sit down here and have some coffee. oh, okay. just for a minute, though. irene, you're a good catholic. do you think god listens every time you talk to him? i hope so. i've asked for some heavy favors lately. i hope he ain't listening every time. why? maybe he'd be like my grandfather was. he used to sit there nodding and smiling when you was talking to him, and all the time he had his hearing aid turned off. i don't think god needs a hearing aid. well, maybe sometimes he's asleep

even god must have to sleep sometime. i mean, he's only human. edith, what is it? what's bothering you? if mike fails his exams, i think it might be because of a prayer god heard. you prayed for mike to fail? well, i didn't mean to, but maybe i did. you see, when mike graduates, he and gloria are moving into their own apartment and i've been praying that they would stay here. that's not the same as praying for mike to fail. yeah. but maybe god couldn't fix it no other way. you've gotta stop feeling guilty. i'm sure god knows exactly what you mean. it's a terrible feeling, irene, to want something good for yourself and something good for somebody else, but you don't want your something good to make their something good bad

to make your something good vice versa. you see what i mean? i'm sure god understood that perfectly. i'll see you later, edith. oh, all right. thanks, irene. goodbye. goodbye, dear. [telephone ringing] coming. hello? lucille? there ain't no lucille here. no, joe ain't here either. i don't know. maybe he's out with lucille. i think you got the wrong number. oh, no, i couldn't. archie says i should never give out our phone number. what number did you want?

every number is the same except one. why don't you try again? i'm sure you'd do better next time. bye. [doorbell ringing] coming! edith, this is from mike's college. the mailman left it in our mailbox by mistake. oh, it must be the results. oh, i'm dying to know what he got. why don't you open it up and find out, huh? oh, i couldn't do that. certainly you could do that. no, archie, i can't open it. they're mike's marks and they're private. give it to me. i'll open it. but they're private. no, they ain't private, they're public. that's a public college he goes to, ain't it? i support that college with my tax money,

i got a right as a taxpayer to know what goes on with that money. that's in the constitution, edith. ain't you ever heard of "no taxation without regimentation"? i still don't think it's right. oh, leave it to me, will you? oh, look at this. the way they send things nowadays. here's nearly a whole half a flap that ain't pasted down. they didn't do it right. i mean, a person could put a finger in there, i mean, even by mistake, and look what happens. imagine them sending things through the mail like that. anything could get lost. just check and see if everything's in here. yeah. well, everything's in here. oh, that's good. well, as long as it's open... huh? let's see here. "dear sir, you have passed all of your courses and met require--" look at that, huh? he passed! mike passed?

he's getting the hell out of here. oh, that's wonderful. "wonderful" is right, edith. well, if it's wonderful, what's that look on your face for there? ain't you happy? yeah, i'm very happy for mike. you're happy for mike? what about happy for me? you happy for me, edith? whoop-de-do. whoop-de-do. whoop-de-do. whoop-de-do. whoop-de-do. where are you going? i'll be right back downstairs. i'm just going up here for a minute. hey, ma, michael passed! i passed! i know. what? i mean, congratulations, mike. i'm very happy for you. oh, thanks, ma. a little celebration. i brought some pizza, ice cream and a little bubbly. you got champagne? no, no. bromo seltzer for after. i'm kidding! i'm having fun. i passed! where's daddy? he went upstairs. i guess the excitement was too much for him. what excitement?

good evening to one and all. archie, look at you. huh? pretty spiffy, huh, edith? daddy, don't you wanna hear about michael? i know all about it. he passed. he's graduated. how did you know that? well, after all, you've been living with me for four years. some brains must've rubbed off on you, huh? ma, daddy, i bet you'll never guess why professor blake wanted to talk to michael. he told-- no, michael, put down the pizza. come here. tell them yourself. professor blake said that my grades were so good that i graduated in the top 10 percent of my class. hey, hey, edith. did you hear that? the boy's grades are tops there. he can walk out of college, that means, and go into any position he wants. he said i could get a fellowship. take it, take it. what's that, an out-of-town job? no, no, no, daddy.

and get his master's degree. he's staying on at school? yep. for another year. you're staying on at school? that means you don't have to leave home after all. staying at school? yeah, arch, you see, with a bachelor's degree, it doesn't mean anything anymore. to get anywhere nowadays, you have to have a master's. school? i'm so happy for you, mike. aren't you happy, archie? he's staying on at school? yeah, daddy. that's what a fellowship means. oh, that's what a fellowship means. he's staying on at school! that's a fellowship, huh? oh, a fellowship, huh?

well, i think i know what i better do. i better go out on long island and get myself a fellowship in the funny farm. i'll be acting like crazy louie, living in the past. "the japs are coming! the japs are coming!

u're wearing one.

[ ] announcer: all in the family was recorded on tape before a live audience. boy, the way glenn miller played songs that made the hit parade guys like us, we had it made

and you knew where you were then girls were girls and men were men (both) mister, we could use a man like herbert hoover again didn't need no welfare states everybody pulled his weight (both) gee, our old lasalle ran great those were

(george) you gonna do what i say now, you hear that? (louise) george, leave the boy alone. you better leave me alone, woman. oh, yeah? oh, yeah. oh, jeez. [archie groaning] (george) we'll settle this once and for all. what is the matter with them jeffersons over there?

you figured that out, huh? well, you see, they was yellin'. i know they was havin' an argument over there. [knocking] sleep. (george) open that door now. you hear me? open that door! shut that mouth! what time do you think it is over there? it's quarter to one. who the hell are you, the answer man? i know the time, [arguing] and so do the jeffersons over there. i oughta call the cops on them people. oh, married people got a right to fight once in a while. there's fights over there all the time. it's like living next door to madison square garden. will youse pipe down there? (mike) hey, arch, will you hold it down? gloria and i are trying to sleep. it's only thing you ain't tried in that room yet! [george yelling] (louise) george. let's get this over here, once and for all.

if youse don't keep quiet over there, i'm going to call the cops on you. hear that? nothin'. them colored people are all scared of the cops. i'm glad they stopped. [archie grunting] i wonder what they was arguin' about. oh, who knows? 1:00 in the mornin'. maybe he was in the mood, she wasn't. in the mood for what? go to sleep, eh? oh. oh! i get it. ah!

oh, what is that? how am i ever going to get any sleep in this house? what's going on? well, it's the front door. answer man strikes again. wait a minute! i'll go with ya. [ringing continues] ...hell could be ringing the bell this time of the night? oh, uh, don't open it until you ask who it is. who it is? i mean, shut up. who is it there? (lionel) it's me. lionel. lionel! open the door. what the hell do you think i'm doin'? lionel. yeah, hi, mr. bunker. hi, mrs. bunker. yeah. lionel, is somethin' wrong? oh, no. i just came over to ask mike a favor. a favor at 1:00 in the mornin'? well, we noticed you were up. but we wasn't up till your old man started hollerin'. come in, lionel. don't pay no attention to archie. he's always grumpy before he gets his first cup of coffee.

lionel, what's goin' on? oh, look, pop and i had another fight over jenny, man. and look, i'm goin' to a motel. can you lend me a couple of bucks? oh, yeah, sure. [doorbell rings] what is this, halloween? louise. oh, i am sorry about this. lionel, i want you to home now! is pop gonna stop talkin' about jenny? no, he's as stubborn as you are. oh, then i'm goin' to a motel. not at this hour, you're not. look-- uh, lo-louise, if you and lionel take the argument back to your house, i can catch the rest of it from my upstairs window. [doorbell rings] i'll get it. oh, jeez! oh, mr. jefferson, come in. your whole family is here. all right, louise, let's go home. i'm not going without lionel. well, i'm not goin' nowhere till you stop talkin' 'bout jenny. and i'm not gonna be told what i can say. well, can i say somethin'? look, bunker, you stay outta this. this is a private family argument. then why'd ya bring it over to my house? edith and me, we have our fights.

lionel, let's go. we are keepin' the bunkers up. the bunkers ain't been to sleep yet, louise. let's go home. i'll make some coffee. we can talk the whole thing over. why don't i make some coffee? [archie groans] and you could talk right here. why don't you make some sandwiches, too? i'll see what we got. you know somethin', gloria? suddenly i'm hungry. yeah, me too. what is this, new year's eve? i hope not. i'd hate to think i spent it with you. look, pop, just tell me one thing. when you gonna stop calling jenny names? when you stop goin' with her. can i make a suggestion here? bunker, i told you to stay outta this. why don't you go home? i think you better go outta the dry-cleaning business. you're sniffin' too much of the benzene. man don't know whether he's home or not at this hour of the night. he's ready for the rubber room. look, pop. she's my girlfriend, and it don't make me no difference if her father's white.

what does that make her? a zebra. oh, see? i don't want no daughter-in-law that's a zebra. why not? she don't mind a father-in-law who's a jackass. (archie) hey, hey, hey! that was a beautiful shot, louise. i heard it all the way out here. look, you listen, bunker. i don't-- now, why don't you listen to me? i met that girl jenny. i think she's a very nice girl. ain't that enough for you? i ain't got nothin' against the girl. no, see, it's her parents. one of them's the wrong color. well, i know that, but her father's white. look, let me straighten you out, right now. george, i wanna go home bye. you ain't gonna stop lionel, anyhow. i mean, i couldn't stop my daughter and look who she married. she told me she was in love with the guy, i had to welcome her with open arms. you mean yellin' mouth! that's all you ever do is yell at the poor guy.

that ain't so, i treat him almost like a son. thank you, dad. don't mention it, meathead. see? there you go. already you're bad-mouthin' him. just let me hear you tell him you love him. oh, come on, will ya? (george) go on! tell him. love is never having to say it, right, dad? the meathead is right. well, look. mom's right. we're keeping you up. mike, about that loan. could you make it $10 for a couple of days? oh, sure lionel. gloria, you got $10? yeah, i'll get my purse. oh, no, wait, gloria. i don't want lionel out at this hour of the night looking for a motel.

hey, lionel. why don't you sleep here on the couch? yeah. archie wouldn't mind, would you, archie? [archie scoffing] no, he wouldn't mind. look, if my son sleeps on that couch tonight, honky here burns it in the mornin'. don't be ridiculous. now, i'm gonna prove to you that you are wrong. lionel can sleep on that couch if he wants to, but he wants to go to a motel. see? that's the bunker hospitality. he's inviting you to sleep on the couch, because he knows you won't stay where you ain't wanted. what do you mean he ain't wanted? i just said it, didn't i? he can stay here as long as he wants. thanks, mr. bunker. i accept. what happened to the motel? you said he could stay here. uh, lionel, i'll get you sheets and a blanket. okay, you can sleep with your honky family, you can marry your zebra,

come on, louise. i want you home. he thinks he wants me home. but when i get home, he's gonna wish i wasn't home. 'cause i'm gonna kill him. lionel's marrying a girl with stripes? here's the coffee! where's george and louise? oh, they fought it all out, and then they left. oh, that's too bad. oh, yeah, well, it's all right.

oh, hi there, lionel. oh, hi, mr. bunker. uh, do you always have a big pile of bacon in the morning, lionel? yeah, i like bacon, mr. bunker. and how many eggs? usually, no more than 3.

here's your coffee. yeah. listen, mr. bunker, i'm not going to impose on you any longer. it ain't imposing, lionel. don't argue with the guest. i appreciate your letting me stay over, but i'm gonna go stay with some friends of mine. what are friends for, lionel? well, you might as well stay here. we're your friends too, you know. he's got way better friends than us. we're only white. listen, if you wanna phone your friends, this is the best time to phone 'em when the phone ain't busy. it's the best time, mr. bunker. i'll do that right now. [doorbell rings] i'll get it. oh, jeez, who's comin' to the house now? don't people never stay in their homes of a sunday no more? oh, hello, louise. good morning, edith. oh, here's lionel.

lionel, i'm so glad you're up. i want you home. no, mom, i'm gonna stay with some friends. lionel, you might as well stay here. that way your mother won't worry. you'll be right next door. edith, you're a doll. how did we find neighbors like you? you moved outta harlem. there's no answer. mom, you gotta give me some money for a motel. no motel, lionel now, you gonna stay here with archie and edith until i straighten your father out. it can only take a few days. what do you say, mr. bunker? i need some kinda pill. lionel, i think that means it's all right. okay, i'll stay a while. is there any more bacon, mrs. bunker? oh, sure! it's in the kitchen. help yourself. i'll go get some of your clothes, dear. don't forget his toothbrush. and any spare bacon you happen to have.

don't worry. we'll take good care of him. "we're gonna take good care of him." take good care of him? we might as well adopt him. oh, we couldn't do that 'cause both his parents are livin'. listen, edith. i'm expecting a couple of guys here this afternoon to play pinochle. what are they gonna say, they walk in and see lionel layin' around here? they'll think the bunker home is your ol' kentucky home. what--what? i mean, these card players, the only spades they wanna see is in the deck. well, then, they're very dumb men. and you can tell 'em so. shush. i'll have a little man-to-man talk with him, here. go on, in the kitchen, in the kitchen.

if you got a minute, i'd like to have a--a, what you call it, word with you. yeah, sure. what is it, mr. bunker? well, first of all, you're in my chair. uh, lionel, i--i was watching an old movie on t.v. the other night, that kinda put me in mind of your situation with your old man. yeah. what movie is that? the jazz singer, with al jolson. it was about this jewish guy who always wanted to pass as colored. you never see that? no, but it sounds like it was way ahead of its time. well, it was. it was, uh, it was the first talkie. well, anyway, uh, in--in the jazz singer there, this jolson family, see, they're the very strictly religious kind of jews. they're the, what you call, the orthodox jews. they're the kind-- the kind who start praying to god on friday

well, does it work, mr. bunker? no, no way. god don't listen to nothin' till sunday. that's good. yeah. well, anyway, in this picture, see, ol' man jolson is one of 'em, what you call, cantors. that's the singin' guy that sings in the temple there, see? and he wants his son to follow in his footprints. but the young jolson, he didn't want to do that, see? he wants to go on passing as colored. so he has a big argument with the old man. and he leaves home. the old man sings a jewish song and dies. you get the point of this story? you mean i shouldn't try to pass as colored? no, that--that ain't-- that ain't the point, there, lionel.

now your old man, he's sittin' over there, he wants you home, he can't figure out how to get you back. oh, wow, mr. bunker. my father never took the time to talk to me like you do. can i ask you something? sure. anything at all, lionel. can i call you "uncle archie"? well, i'll tell you, lionel, i think it's against the law. okay, mr. bunker, well i'm a go upstairs and get dressed. yeah, yeah, 'cause if you're goin' home, you know, it would be best not to leave this house in your bath robe. oh, but i ain't goin' home. huh? wait a minute, wait a minute, what do you mean? lionel, lionel, we just had a man-to-man here. i told you that whole jolson story. you didn't learn nothin' from that? yeah, if pop don't lay off jenny, then i ain't goin' home,

did you and lionel have a man-to-man talk? yeah, yeah, yeah. [doorbell rings] what happened? he made me his uncle. oh, look at this guy. with a suitcase! what, are you movin' in too? hell, no, this is lionel's suitcase. i wanna get him outta here as soon as possible. he wants to stay in a motel, here's the money to pay for it. i don't want him askin' for nothin' from this house. if my son wants to run away, i can afford it. don't pay him any attention, archie. he's crazy. what the-- he's not going to any motel. he's stayin' here. he ain't gonna shame me by stayin' here. louise, i think your husband's right. george, i want you to apologize to our son. we don't have a son, louise. but don't worry, we can start all over again. you can give me another boy.

'cause i've stopped makin' deliveries. i don't wanna hear this. lionel is upstairs. would you like me to call him down? we don't know any lionels. from now on, it's just me and weezy. and, don't you be too sure of weezy! if you'd like some coffee, i got some left over from last night's fight. will you stop pushin' coffee on people? now, listen, jefferson, why don't you wise up? you're gonna have a beautiful daughter-in-law there, you're a lucky guy! yeah, the same luck that moved me next door to you. what a prejudiced man. never mind the coffee, edith. we'll be going. since george is too pig-headed to make up with lionel. lionel who?

if you don't get off his back. and you know what happens to blacks with no education and looking for a job. they are last on the list. no, they ain't. the puerto ricans are last. he's right, louise. the puerto ricans are last. only, they don't know it, 'cause they can't read the list. all right. now give me back my money that you ripped off. no, i need it. for what? i'm going to a motel. not with my money... now, wait a minute, wait a minute. jefferson, wait a minute. watch this. jefferson, jefferson, before you go, would you give me a hand with somethin'? say what? it'll only take you a couple of minutes. see, what i wanna do is, i wanna move a rollaway bed from my cellar, up into the attic. see, lionel wasn't very comfortable on the couch last night. you mean you're gonna keep him here, in your attic? yeah, why not? that's a nice attic up there. i had a cousin died up there. and we'd enjoy havin' lionel stay up there. yeah, sure, i mean, me and edith, we kinda sorta thought

uh, i love watchin' the boy eat. i'll be his dad. first a zebra girlfriend, then a honky daddy? hey, you can throw that out your mind, bunker. lionel! come on down here now! i wanna talk. yeah, yeah, what is it, pop? go get your things, we're goin' home. oh, i don't have no home, remember? wait a minute, wait a minute, lionel. easy, easy. your ol' man come over to apologize, now. you gotta hear him out. see? go ahead, go ahead, say some more of this. say somethin' nice and polite, that you should all get the hell outta here. look, don't be tellin' me what to say, bunker. well, he don't have to apologize. just stop callin' jenny "zebra." uh. lionel, i know i was a little rough on jenny, now, that's a nice start. and i'm willin' to let her father be white. oh, now, now, come on, lionel! that's pretty big, there. huh? you gotta turn around and be a little big, too.

well, that did it. now i really wanna go home. pop, let's go. right. there, there, that's the way. listen, mr. bunker, mrs. bunker, thanks for everything, here. (edith) oh, you're welcome, lionel. weezy, grab the bag. yeah, louise, the bag, the bag. thanks for everything, edith. oh, you're welcome. it was our pleasure. so long, archie. yeah, yeah, and--and--and listen, uh, don't fight no more there, huh, weezy? come on over here, and finish your breakfast. oh, jeez. about time, edith. ain't it nice we could help lionel and his father make up? what do you mean "we"? you didn't do nothin'. i did everything.

see what that is, edith? that's when you get somebody to do somethin' he don't wanna do by promisin' him to do somethin' that you ain't got no intention of doing. oh. you know somethin', archie? you could be another henry kissinger. hold it. hold it, hold it, edith.

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