keeping your head above water making a wave when you can temporary layoffs good times easy credit rip-offs good times scratching and surviving good times hanging in a chow line good times ain't we lucky we got 'em?

we're sure to get the first prize this year. this is the best-looking apartment in the whole building. well, i don't know, baby. the competition's pretty stiff this year. mr. and mrs. russell got a genuine antique umbrella stand from montgomery ward. now, that's gonna be pretty hard to top. i still think we'll win. anything else you want me to do, ma? well, you could clean the inside of the stove. oh, ma! oh, thelma! okay. [ chuckles ] well, a loving daughter is the next best thing to a self-cleaning oven. oh, james, just look at this place. i know exactly where i'm gonna put the plaque.

now, look, i don't want to be no killjoy, but in this world, you got to be prepared for the fact that it ain't what you do but who you know. james, i feel too good to let you rain on my parade. now, i know that the important thing in the contest is how good things look. and mrs. vinson is the head of the committee, and she is as honest as the day is long. yeah, that's the same thing they said about them people in washington. you notice how short their days have been getting lately? do our plants look the way you like them? put the philodendron on top. which one is that? i don't know a philodendron from a collard green. this one. it's the prettiest one. i didn't mean that, all the rest of you plants. i love you all. i think each and every one of you is beautiful. you're talking to them plants like they understand you. they do, james. you'd be surprised. i guess you're right. them turnip greens we had for dinner

hi, j.j. did you get the plant food? yeah, it cost me $1.95. them plants are eating better than we do. why don't we just sprinkle a little grits on them? j.j., the plants don't like that kind of talk. now, i'm sure you've upset them, so i want you to go over there and tell them you are sorry. i'm hearing it, but i don't believe it. you want me to apologize to a plant? pardon me, plant.

since i'm making a formal apology, don't you think i should be introduced formally first? okay. plants, i'd like you to meet my smart-alecky son, james jr. this is a philodendron. that's a boston fern. this is a freckled plant, and that's an african violet. hello, there, philadelphia. hello, there, boston fern. hello, there, speckled plant. and as for you, african violet, right on, brother! that's better. well, if you'll excuse me, i have to go to the bathroom now. see, that's what us human beings -- j.j.!

and, goodbye, my african violet. [ chuckles ] hi, florida. are you ready for this? ta-da! what have you got there? two adorable goldfish to put the finishing touches to your house. oh, willona, they are beautiful! mr. and mrs. evans, i'd like you to meet ozzie and harriet. precious. ain't they? now, this one's ozzie, and that one's harriet. or is this one ozzie and that one harriet? i can't tell the difference. but they ain't got no problem 'cause they can. [ speaking baby talk ] willona, your bread ain't baked. here. oh, it really is nice. but, willona, you shouldn't have spent the money. what money? i got the bowl wholesale, and ozzie cost -- what? -- 35 cents, and harriet cost 50 cents.

'cause ozzie just swims around the bowl. harriet lays the eggs. hi, thelma. hey, willona. whoo, you really got everybody working, haven't you? got to get it together. well, i'm glad to see the house looking so good 'cause i got news for you. what? the judging committee is coming around this afternoon. this afternoon? are you sure of that? mm-hmm. uh-oh. i almost forgot. here is some food for the fishes. good. when you feed them, florida, make sure you give more to harriet. why? the man at the fish store said she was pregnant. she may be eating for 46. goodbye, fishes. see you all later. okay, willona. and thanks again. all right. good luck. thank you. you know something? you're all too much for me. how are you supposed to know which one is harriet?

if one of them gets up in the middle of the night and wants chocolate crackers and sauerkraut, that's harriet. your loaf could use another 10 minutes, too. hello, there, vegetation. i'm back from the bathroom. hey, who'd we get them goldfish from? willona brought them to brighten up the place. suppose i have to talk to them, too. well, they're living things. it wouldn't hurt to say something nice to them. okay. hello, little gold brothers. may the water in your bowl always be wet. move your easel. fixing up the apartment and winning first prize mean that much, huh, ma? well, it isn't just the first prize. it's taking pride in your surroundings and trying to make things look better.

just 'cause you're the best filly in the race don't mean there might not be a fix on. james, i know all this work ain't going for nothing. we just got to win the first prize. all right. mama, daddy, can i ask you an important question? uh-huh. if you meet a brother who was tired, hungry, and had no place to go, would you help him? i guess so. that would be the christian thing to do. i thought so, mama. come on in, brother. ned the wino? oh, not in my apartment today! thelma! open the windows! that won't be enough. i'll get the lysol. michael, come in. why, of all people, and why, of all the times,

well, mama, he was lying in the gutter. that ain't nothing new. we've been stepping on him for years. he's the closest thing the projects have to a national monument. michael, come here a minute, son. now, we can't help this brother. he's a hopeless drunk. i may be drunk, but i'm not helpless. there. there. could a helpless man do that? get that man off my new covers. junior. come on. help him up. easy, ned. what? it's gonna be all right. see, michael, we all know he's a wino. he's been on the grape for years, and he won't get off. his name's engraved in the ripple hall of fame. michael, honey, you just got to get him out of here. mama, i had a long talk with him, and he promised he'd give up drinking and dry out. that's right. i promised. easy, ned.

mama, if he could just spend a few days here, he'd be all right. a few days? willona just told us that the committee will be here in a few minutes. michael, in order to help a man, the man's got to want to help hisself. but, daddy, he does want to help himself. oh, yeah? well, let's see about that. ned... huh?! ooh-whoo! there's almost a full bottle of muscatel in the kitchen cabinet. you're welcome to it if you want it. no, james. i said i was gonna dry out, and that's what i'm... almost a full bottle, huh? yeah, help yourself. no, no. i promised michael. i told you -- he meant it. we can make a new man out of him. what do you say, mama?

the committee is due here any minute. michael, you picked a bad time to be a good samaritan. but, mama, you always told us we were put on this earth to help others. daddy, if we don't help him out, who will? look, folks, you don't have to bother. i don't blame you for not wanting me here. oh, wait! i wouldn't drink that stuff if i was you, lady. it's got fish in it. hold it, ned. michael... tell him he can stay. really, mom? james, get out the muscatel. for ned? no, for somebody who really need it -- me.

to help preserve our environment. i got involved. i boosted tourism in my farm community by by painting 55 barn quilts. i got involved. i enjoy gardening and love delivering a fresh supply of produce and flowers to a local shelter. i got involved. young volunteers have a winning spirit that we think is worth celebrating. middle and high school students: ask your school principal about applying for a prudential spirit of community award. volunteer! three down and one to go, ned!

that's right. try and get one more down now, ned. come on, now, ned. you've got to eat something so we can get you sober. what is this stuff?! it's something you haven't tasted in a long while. it's called food. try one more. come on. that's it. i can't eat anymore. it's taken my stomach by surprise. bet your liver wants to know what the hell's going on, too. ned, try and get this milk down. milk? oh, no, i couldn't. oh, yes, you could. just make believe it's white muscatel. okay. by the time he gets it to his mouth, it's gonna be a milk shake. all the way. all right, ned! [ coughing ] he ain't used to drinking nothing

if he's through eating, y'all clean him up. come on, michael, junior. give me a hand. we'll get him off to the bathroom. you're better off if we took off his clothes and ran him through the car wash. j.j.! nobody will notice. they'll just think he's streaking. james, will you try and hurry him in there? while you're in there, explain to him about the contest and the committee coming over. you don't have to worry, lady. i won't do anything to embarrass you. uh, ned? ned? the bathroom is this way. then that's the way i'll go, then. all right. come on. come on. here we go. aah! he's on my couch again! get him up! come on, junior. lift him up. here we go. you're gonna make it. latest bulletin -- the judging committee's on the 16th floor -- is that who i think it is? that's him -- ned the wino.

i never saw him vertical before. you may never see him vertical again. don't worry, ma. we'll get him clean if we have to sandblast him. florida, honey, the committee's gonna be here any minute. if they see ned, you ain't gonna have a chance. don't i know it? daddy and the boys are gonna get him cleaned up. cleaned up? with all that dirt on him, it would be simpler and faster if you dropped a couple of seeds on him and turned him into a planter. he'd be the only real potted plant in the projects. it'll be all right, ma. thelma's right. ain't nothing lost. we still got time to get him out of here. we promised to help him, and that's what we're gonna do. james, y'all hurry up in there. if we lose, well, there's always next year. right, thelma? right, ma. all right. baby, we may win yet. i'm gonna go scrounge in my closet, find some old clothes for him. i'll bet you we have him looking more respectable

james, that's sweet. [ chuckles ] hey... huh? james! hmm? what was that for? that's for being a whole lot of woman, and i don't mean weight, neither. haven't they cleaned up ned yet, ma? no. i think it's taking them a little longer than they figured. we about got him ready. he'd have been ready sooner, but we lost five minutes trying to get them gray socks off. five minutes? yeah, we found out he wasn't wearing none. rusty! well, he's ready. we washed off all the dirt that wasn't moving and killed everything that was.

well, well, well. ma, he looks great. who would have thought that this ned was hiding underneath that other ned? james: boy, ned, you look fine, man. i bet you feel better, too, don't you? ned? you all right, ned? he's so clean that he's going into a state of shock. come on over here and sit down. you'll be more comfortable staring from here. look, let's sit down. when the committee gets here, ned -- sit down, man. hey, ned, if you can hear me, just wiggle a finger. that's close enough, ned. [ knock on door ] ooh, that must be the committee. lord, if you ain't too busy,

mrs. vinson. oh, mrs. evans, how are you? come right in. good evening. i guess you all know my husband, james. how are you? and those are my children. all: hi! and this is my cousin. he's visiting us from mississippi. well, now, isn't that funny? i could have sworn it was ned the wino. oh, no. same profile. some moustache. same breath. you folks check the other rooms. i'll take care of this area. very lovely, mrs. evans. the slipcover is beautiful. so are the plants. so are the children. well, your apartment certainly seems... something wrong with your cousin? uh, no. he's just trying to tie his shoelace.

yeah, daddy. coz got a little touch of lumbago. the bathrooms are beautiful, and the bedroom is immaculate. then i don't think there's any doubt. you're the winner, mrs. evans. [ cheers ] just a minute, mrs. vinson. we promised the russells we'd go back and take another look at their apartment. it's my belief as chairperson that this is by far the best-kept and most charming apartment. if you don't agree, you tell mr. and mrs. evans. mrs. evans, i am happy to inform you that you've first prize. [ cheers ] thank you. thank you. well, committee, our work is done. let's go. let's go. let's go. goodbye, now.

bye-bye, and thank you all so much. j.j.: whoo! well! this calls for a celebration! let's have some kool-aid! i'm so proud of you. we did it. and now, james, what were you saying about "it ain't what you do but who you know"? that's supposed to be the rule, but, as usual, you're the exception. you really deserve it, baby, 'cause you did one fine job on this apartment. and don't forget -- we also made a fine, new person out of ned. james, will you straighten up that fine, new person? [ knock on door ] hmm? mrs. vinson. mrs. evans, i just had to come back and tell you one more thing. you know, it was very close between your apartment and the russells'. but one thing made me decide in your favor.

the way you cleaned up ned. uh, mrs. vinson, i know there's a resemblance, but this is my cousin -- mr. evans, believe me when i tell you -- i would know ned the wino anywhere. how could you be so sure? he's my husband. lord have mercy. once i saw the way you cleaned up ned, i didn't have to look at the apartment. you didn't? this is the first time in eight years

home with her?! did she say i got to go home with her?! everything is just the way you left it, ned. my mama's still living with us, the girls still come over to play hearts, and i'm still taking my vocal lessons. folks, please, if you have any charity in your -- ned! well, james, now i not only got pull in the projects, but thanks to ned,

captions provided by sony pictures television just looking out of the window watching the asphalt grow thinking how it all looks hand-me-down good times anytime you need a friend good times anytime you're out from under

keeping your head above water making a wave when you can temporary layoffs good times easy credit rip-offs good times scratching and surviving good times hanging in a chow line good times ain't we lucky we got 'em?