to the east side movin' on up we finally got a piece of the pie fish don't fry in the kitchen beans don't burn on the grill took a whole lotta tryin' just to get up that hill now we're up in the big leagues gettin' our turn at bat as long as we live it's you and me, baby there ain't nothing wrong with that well, we're movin' on up movin' on up to the east side movin' on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky mo-ooh-vin' on up movin' on up to e east side movin' on up

what's keeping george? the opera starts in an hour, and he hasn't even called. the seats hegot us last time were so far back, we were practicallyin the refreshment stand. darn! i meant to thank george for that. even if we do have to sit far back tonight, i'm bringing something along that will make the evening enjoyable for us all.

no, i bought each of us a pair of opera glasses. what's everybody all dressed up for? very funny, george. where arethe tickets? what tickets? what's going on? you know whyeverybody's dressed up? if you ain'tgot tickets, it's foryour funeral. where arethe opera tickets that you weresupposed to pick up? maybe the box office still has tickets. don't look at me. you messed up. it's your fault. i reminded you50 times to getthose tickets! right. you should have lumped all that nagging time together

i asked about our chances of getting in tonight. and? they're sold out. good. now i'm off the hook. wait. since we're all dressed up, let's go have dinner. it'll be my treat. why aren't youmore thoughtful? why aren'tyou more like tom? my skin can only stretch so far. you always makefun of mr. willis. he neverinsults you, though he'sprobably tempted. well, that's right. for instance, uh... what would i be tempted to say? well, you could...excuse me. no wonder you don't like opera. it goes over your head. but then again, what doesn't? oh, was i temptedto say that,

when you forgot the tickets, he could have said, "why didn't you find a scalper? oops, you did." i was dying to saythat, but i didn't. he could have mentioned your big mouth. go, go!i love it! he could have said, "when you yawn, "i'm surprised cars don't pull up and order a jumbo jack." but i didn't. i appreciate it, 'cause that's what i live for. excuse me. i've been as gracious as i could be. i said i'm sorry. what do you want, blood?

yeah, you couldroll over in your bed. mm-hmm. but i'd have no reason to want to. george, don't you see? you've ruined our whole evening. you constantly do thoughtless things. like wednesday, florence's day off. i asked you to pick up dinner. you forgot. no, i didn't! well, i didn't get any. you were hungry, too? tom would have gotten our tickets. i would have, but i was picking uplouise's cleaning. ok, i'm the bad guyand he's mr. wonderful. admit it. tom is thoughtful. you could learn something from him. i'd gladly teach you. it would be thethoughtful thing to do.

well, only in everyaspect of our lives. that's on a bad day. he never messes up? it's never serious. we stayed at charlie's bar till 2 a.m. you were supposed to leave at 11:00. he called every 10 minutes. it wasthe thoughtfulthing to do. you forgot to buy a watch for helen's birthday. he bought me a mink instead. with fall approaching,i felt it would-- be the thoughtful thing to do! ok, he's perfect! he's america's most thoughtful husband! he calls his wife, picks up laundry, he buys his wife a mink, he buys his cousin life insurance-- what? what cousin? well, uh, uh...you know... it's not thoughtfulto forget your cousin's name.

meg? your cousin meg? who's cursed our marriage every day of her life? that's the one. i got a hunchhe did something wrong. after all she's said, you bought her life insurance? no, i boughtone for myself... and sort of madeher the beneficiary. so she "sort of" gets the money! sort of. now i'm sure hedid something wrong. you must understand. she's lonely,unmarried, very unhappy. she's bitter, vicious, and a racist! my instinctswere right. here is wherehe blew it. meg and i werebrought up together. we were close. but you know how i feel about her!

well, i thoughtthe thoughtfulthing to do-- oh, can the thoughtful trash! shouldn't we leave tom and helen alone? weezie, if they'regoing to fight, the thoughtfulthing is to watch. i guess there'sno harm in saying that the policy'sworth $100,000. i bought ita long time ago. let's eat. french or italian? wait! the only thing keeping me from strangling you is that your cousin would get the $100,000! uh...helen, don't you think you might be overreacting? butt out, louise. i guess you don't. how did he know and i didn't?

now, now. let's calm down and look at this problem rationally. let's go upstairsand discuss this privately. no. i'll go upstairs. you say it here. you're more comfortable doing things behind my back! i did it.i won't change it. it's in the past! so is my trusting you. maybe i shouldn'tcome home tonight. maybe you shouldn't come home ever. luckily, i forgot those tickets.

sorry i'm late. one of cunningham's cleaners burned. so?

george, do youknow what tom willisslept on last night? whatever it is, it's unrecognizable by now. he slept on a hotel bed. our best friends' marriage is on the rocks! weezie, you'reexaggerating. they've fought before. willis gives helen flowers, she gives hima tub of rocky road. as disgustingas it sounds, they'rethe perfect couple. not today! tom told helenhe was staying atthe mayflower hotel. at least they're talking. he called so she'dknow where to forward mail. it's that bad? that's what i'm saying! you owehim an apology for letting thissecret slip out! no, he shouldn't have told me!

you still owehim an apology. go see him. maybe he'll come homeand settle things. don't say nothing, but i've been worried about him. he needs somebody caring, diplomatic, and understanding to step in. you're right.i better go. no, i accidentally caused the whole ing. it's my fault he's staying in a hotel, my fault helen won't speak to him again. but you must admit something. what? me going down there is damn thoughtful.

what do you want? i wanted tobuy you something, but all thestores were closed. luckily, ifound a newspaper. and...here. "49 cents off on a phillips screwdriver." it's a coupon. after the damage you've done, you try winning me over with a coupon? well, it'sgood through july. come on in. still mad at me? you've all butruined my marriage. i figured helen already knew about the insurance policy.

i guess whatmade me so mad... when i first told youabout that policy, i remember i said, "george, don'ttell helen about this. if she finds out,it will end our marriage." but in retrospect,perhaps i wasa little vague. so go home and forget this. why? i've donenothing wrong. besides, you'reassuming i miss helen. i stayed here. these pictures weren't in my room. by somestrange coincidence, they put me inthe helen willis suite. you reallymiss her, don't you? i certainly do not. i brought plenty of work to keep busy. i'm having a high old time all by myself. [knock on door]

darling! hi, sweetheart. room service. here we go. i'm looking for the willis party. he's it. sign here, please. sure. oh, thank you. let me get this straight. all of this... and this... and that is your dinner? uh-huh. do me a favor. stand here. ow! that's hotsorry. ok. justsay "rumaki." uh, rum... this is for the guysin the kitchen. people likeyou give thema sense of purpose. oh, boy...

now i'm not hungry. say that again. i'm not hungry. now i knowsomething's wrong. go home. bringeverything back to normal. i can't apologize for caring for a family member. if helen can't accept that, she can't accept me. you're ruiningyour marriage! in our relationship, i always end up apologizing. now it's her turn. i love helen, but she must understand. if i respond to my cousin's hatred with more hatred, then i'm as wrong as she is. right. i shouldbe talking to her. hang in there,old buddy. wait. why are you so interested in seeing helen and me get back together? becauseyou're my... well...ok.

shh. "friend." tom hasn't even called or made the slightest move to apologize. hey, weez. hi, helen. i'm sorry about what i let slip last night. i'm better off knowingtom keeps secrets from me. he misses you. really? then whyhasn't he called? i forgot to give him your number. i know you're doing your best to get us back together, but that can't happen until tom comes and apologizes. i tried getting him to come back. you didn't have to, but i appreciate your effort.

i'm not the kind who brags about himself, but i am the nicest guy i ever met. george jefferson,you are such a... a... a george jefferson! low blow, weez. you can't fault george in this. he really tried. let me speak. uh, george, when yousaid something before, tom wound upsleeping across town. we'd kind of liketo keep him in the state. make some coffee. i want to talk to helen man to man. hele but no matter what he says,

if you're saying tom's right and i'm wrong, i disagree completely. it doesn't matter who's right or wrong. you sitting here, your husband's in a hotel. that's what's wrong. we've met peoplelike his cousin meg. she hates me! you know whatit's like to be hated. i hatesupporting a woman who tom knows hates me. you ain't married to her, you're married to tom! everything started because i was jealous of him. you were? everybody said how thoughtful he was. i got mad. why? because it's true. oh, now,listen, george-- the man's in the hotel right now. he's lonely, depressed, he's sad.

every one? every one. not the one inthat ugly red dress. where your arm is around tom's neck? that's the one. he had every one but that one. you're trying to make tom seem nice-- he is a nice guy! i never would havethought of opera glasses. if weezie couldn't see,i'd say, "stand up." he thinks about everybody. that's his problem. he cares more abouteverybody else thanhe does for himself. i'm surprised you're saying that. the way you're always making snide remarks about his... his girth. yeah, but that'sanother point. he's one heckof a friend to take allthat stuff from me. let's face it.

you can say that again. it ain't so easybeing your husband either. when we got married, it wasn't cool forwhites and blacks to marry. it wasn't easy for me marrying tom. but youstuck together. don't you know youhave a special marriage? extra special! he's using our money to help meg-- a woman who'd love to see our marriage end! if yourmarriage does end, only megwill be happy. wait, you know something-- yeah, you're goingto say i'm right. well, i-- say it.i know, i'm right. you are right, george.

i thank you. there you go. i'm glad that's over. it was getting painfulcrouching at the door. well, i'm going to run over to tom's hotel. he's in room 422. give him this. "32 cents off on a ball-peen hammer"? say it'sgood through july, and you gota friend for life. captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc. public performance of captions prohibited without permission ofnational captioning institute

well, we're movin' on up to the east side movin' on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky mo-ooh-vin' on up movin' on up to the east side

we finally got a piece of the pie fish don't fry in the kitchen beans don't burn on the grill took a whole lotta tryin' just to get up that hill now we're up in the big leagues gettin' our turn at bat as long as we live it's you and me, baby there ain't nothing wrong with that well, we're movin' on up movin' on up to the east side movin' on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky mo-ooh-vin' on up movin' on up to the east side movin' on up