thank you, mrs. wilson. oh, thank you, my dear. oh, i think i'll have two just to celebrate. my goodness, mr. wilson, i'd celebrate too if someone offered me $2,000 for a coin collection. well, i simply can't quite get over it. i merely put an ad in that coin collector magazine-- and the next thing george knew, he had a call from this mr. sheldon from upstate, saying he was coming down tomorrow afternoon. well, $2,000 certainly is a lot of money, mr. wilson, but aren't you afraid you're gonna miss looking at your collection? well, if i get lonely, mitchell, i always figure i can stare at the $2,000. [door slamming] hi. is it time for the fortune cookies yet? of course, it is, dear. i almost forgot abt them. are your hands clean, young man? one of them is. i've been saving it. there's nothing like learning to save

hi, mr. wilson. oh, hello there, dennis. jeepers, aren't you all excited about getting a fortune cookie? dennis, it's a wonder i've managed to contain myself this long. alice, you're first. all right. "you are thinking of buying yourself "something you desire. hesitate no longer." oh, isn't that nice? stabbed in the back by a fortune cookie. "enjoy the woods, but get not lost in the forest." now how do you suppose they knew i was planning to play golf tomorrow? jeepers, dad, maybe it means we're goin' on a camping trip. quick, somebody open another fortune cookie. "your thriftiness makes a loved one happy." i think i like alice's better. i've got an idea. why don't you exchange? oh, no, you don't. okay, mr. wilson, it's your turn.

"beware of tomorrow." uh-oh. oh, isn't that silly? i wouldn't take those fortune cookies too seriously. well, this one doesn't count anyway. it's stale. dennis, you haven't opened your fortune cookie yet. i've been saving mine for last. "the time has come for you and your friends to help a friend in trouble." jeepers, mr. wilson, that friend in trouble must mean you. dennis, the only time i am in trouble is when you try to help me. well, it's time this side of the ouija board gets home. oh, must you, mitchell? yes. thank you-- well-- --for the lovely tea, mrs. wilson. and the swell fortune cookie. it was very pleasant. thank you. bye-bye. good-bye. see you later. don't you worry, mr. wilson, i won't let anything bad happen to you tomorrow.

now i can rest easier tonight. "beware of tomorrow." oh, pittle-pattle. now, dear, i hope you're not going to be concerned about those silly little predictions. martha, i have lived too long to let a little boy's war of nerves get me all upset over a stale fortune cookie. i'll see you later. [music] oh, good grief. "the best of luck tomorrow.

gosh. jeepers,tommy. mr. wilson's even in worse danger than i thought. [music] tommy? tommy: yeah? you all set to start guarding mr. wilson's house in the morning? boy, am i. i'll meet you first thing in the morning and we'll find some more kids for guard duty, okay? okay. and, say, tommy, be sure to bring along your atomic disintegrator gun too. what good will that do? it's busted. bring it anyway. maybe the news hasn't gotten around yet that it's no good. i'll see you. and please watch over mom and dad and tommy and margaret and especially good old mr. wilson because he's supposed to have an awful tomorrow. over and out. "over and out"?

well, i doubt if he was speaking on the same network. let's hear you sign off in the good old-fashioned way. okay. amen. that's better. good night, mom. good night, dear. young man, what's that bump under your covers? bump? what bump? this bump. oh, that bump. i thought i'd better keep an eye on mr. wilson in case they try to get to him during the night. [music] [snoring] you're late for work. you grab your 10-gallon jug of coffee, and back out of the garage. right into your wife's car. with your wife watching.

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[music] what a miserable night.

then i had a nightmare about dennis stuffing me full of fortune cookies. oh, you poor dear. you know, martha, if i knew how to get hold of mr. sheldon, i'd tell him not to come down here today. oh, george, you're just tired. why, yesterday, you were all excited about selling your coin collection. oh, i still am. it's just that i have about decided this might not be the best day to complete the transaction. george wilson, i'm surprised at you, giving in to these silly predictions like this. well, martha, that's not true. didn't i get up this morning even though that magazine on astrology advised me to stay in bed all day? george, forget about that gibberish you've been reading. you're going to have a perfectly lovely day. oh, you're right, my dear. of course, i'm going to have a perfectly lovely day. that's the spirit, george. george, are you all right? --chair. you see, martha, you see? it's starting already.

dennis: hup, two, three, four. dennis: hup, two, three, four. dennis: hup, two, three, four. hup, two, three, four. hup, two, three, four. hup, two, three, four. margaret, you're out of step. i am not. everybody else is. oh. dennis: hup, two, three, four. it's only dennis and his friends playing soldier, dear. oh, well, i wish they'd hurry up and get shipped overseas. dennis: hup, two, three, four. squad, halt. now remember, we're here to protect good old mr. wilson. you guard the front door, private. aye, aye sir. seymour, "aye, aye" is navy talk. that's okay. i'm using a water gun. squad, attention. forward march. to the rear march. girls. forward march. hup, two, three, four. hup, two, three, four.

hup, two, three, four. halt. captain? what is it, private? i'm thirsty. well, shoot yourself with your water gun. okay. you guard out here, margaret. i don't like it out there. there's nothing to guard but the sidewalk. listen, margaret, if you wanna be in our army, you've got to obey orders. all right, smarty. i quit. you can't quit an army. you either gotta get shot or get a dishonorable discharge. i think she ought to be shot. well, it'll have to be in the back. goodbye. [music] gee, dennis, what are we gonna do now? we'll stand guard, tommy. you go see if you can get reinforcements. okay.

martha, i think i'll go see if the mail has come. all right, dear. halt. oh, good grief. who goes there? little boy, go home. oh, great scott. you're not supposed to shoot him, seymour. that's good old mr. wilson. dennis, i'm afraid you and your small friend will have to find somewhere else to play today. oh, we're not playing. we're guarding you from harm. well, thank you, dennis. that'll be quite-- what hit me? a shingle fell off the roof.

what is it, dennis? a mysterious stranger left this for you and ran off. oh, is that so? boy, he sure was mean-lookin'. he was even meaner-lookin' than you. what is that animal doing here? that's tiny, our reinforcement. today we borrowed to help guard you. well, you make sure that your friend stays off my flowers. you're not just gonna open that box, mr. wilson. and why not? jeepers, have you forgotten what day this is? maybe there's a bomb in it. i think i hear a clock ticking. i'll get a pail of water. oh, dennis. now you stop being silly.

we got lots of bandages in our house. dennis, for the last time, i want you to take your squad of commandos and go home. but my fortune cookie said me and my friends were supposed to look after you today. well, if you don't stop looking after me, there won't be anything left to look after. okay. but we'll leave tiny here just in case. all right. bye. what's that, dear. oh, that's just a package, martha. aren't you going to open it? open it? oh, yes, of course, i'll open it a little later. george wilson, what has come over you? oh, nothing, martha. it's just--oh no. no, no, no, no, no, no, don't. but why?

that--it could even be a bomb. a bomb? oh really. well, all right, martha, if you insist, i'll open it. why, it's my new hat. martha: how do you like it, dear. it's very nice, martha. george, don't you feel just a little foolish? like the village idiot. now then, why don't you go out and take a nice quiet walk. and when you come back, you'll be all relaxed for your visit with ms. sheldon this afternoon. all right, my dear, i'll do just that. how ridiculous can a grown man get, huh? have a good time, dear. i will, martha. and you can be sure of one thing. this is one scorpio who's not going to have the rest of this day ruined. [dog barking]

george: oh, martha. [music] hello again, and thank you, ladies and gentlemen. it's a pleasure to be back with you. and now, for a look at today's prizes before we again play our remember when music quiz. all righty, are we ready? now, listen carefully to today's mystery tune of yesterday. [music] hi, mr. wilson. dennis, please, i'm listening. remember, the number i call may be yours. we brought you some homemade fudge, mr. wilson.

we would've brought it sooner but we got all sticky makin' it. delicious. but it is sort of gooey, isn't it? that's because we've ran out of sugar and used molasses. well, whatever it is-- hmm, that tone certainly sounds familiar. i know it. it's "sharing a love seat with you." what you saying, mr. wilson? "sharing a love seat with you." gee, you sound funny, mr. wilson. say it again. oh, dennis. and now, for today's call, which is going to a mr. george wilson at 625 elm street. -- jeepers. did you hear that, tommy? oh boy.

mmm. is this mr. george wilson? that's right. jeepers. isn't this exciting, tommy? mr. wilson, i'm having a bit of trouble understanding you. i'm stuck. try chewing faster, mr. wilson. mr. wilson, this is madcap madden. can you tell me the name of the song i just played? -- wilson, you have to speak clear. swallow, mr. wilson. i can't. get some water, tommy. okay. mr. wilson, would you please repeat that title? -- did you say something about the flu? oh, are you ill, mr. wilson? talk to him. wait a minute, mister. mr. wilson's stuck together.

i'm dennis mitchell. i'm sorry, dennis, but mr. wilson's time is about up. [mumbling] wait a minute, mister. what's that first word, mr. wilson? sharing. sharing. i can't read. i had trouble finding a glass. he'll be unstuck in a minute, mister. oh. hello. [bell ringing] i'm sorry, mr. wilson, but your time is up. but i know the answer. better luck next time. the correct title was "sharing a love seat with you." i knew it.

sure having a terrible day, aren't you, mr. wilson? would you like to have another piece of candy? little boy, go home. [doorbell] hello. hello. mr. wilson, i'm philip sheldon. oh, mr. sheldon, come in, come in. thank you. dennis. dennis. it's all right, seymour. i think mr. wilson knows him. well, right this way, mr. sheldon. collections right away. children, if you'll excuse us, please. come on, man.

your children? oh, my goodness. oh, mr. sheldon. now, i'm sure that after you've examined the collection-- here you are. that's a check for $2,000 but you haven't even-- mr. wilson, i consider myself an excellent judge of character. i have no doubt that this collection is precisely as represented. well, my goodness, that was fast, wasn't it? my, my, $2,000. psst. psst. yes. that doesn't look like money to me, mr. wilson. this isn't money, dennis. it's a check for $2,000. now, i'll get the collection together for you, mr. sheldon. i have an uncle who writes toy checks.

dad says they bounce like a rubber ball. what strange misconceptions children get. well, tommy, when they say a check bounces, that means it isn't any good. jeepers, it does? gee, mr. wilson, aren't you even gonna drop that check? drop it? to see if it bounces. i assure you young man that that check is perfectly good. of course, it is. then how do you know if you haven't tried to bounce it. oh, dennis. actually, the proper way to make sure a check is g gd is to call a bank and find out, and i'm sure mr. sheldon wouldn't mind if do just that. well. but, mr. sheldon-- if that's the way you feel, goodbye. but mr. sheldon. [dog barking]

my collection. why, that scoundrel took my coin collection. [music] isn't it fitting, mr. wilson? my fortune cookie said me and my friends would keep you out of trouble today. [music] and so, because of dennis and his friends, the crook didn't get george's coin collection after all. ah, my goodness. maybe there's something to these fortune cookies after all? well, maybe so, mitchell, but i still decided i'm much happier not knowing what's in store for me tomorrow. oh, i'm in favor of them myself. the one i opened yesterday got me a new dress and shoes to match. hi, is it time for the fortune cookies yet? i suppose so, dear. say, mom, is it all right

to have a fortune cookie too? well, of course, you could, dear, but i'm afraid there aren't any left. , well, alice, do ma far and let dennis' frie have mine. jeepers, thanks, mr. wilson. it's all right, you can come on in and have a fortune cookie too, tiny. here, tiny. hey, not the whole cookie. this is your fortune. well, what do you know? well, what does it say? beware, you are about to lead a dog's life. jeepers, mr. wilson, this fortune cookie must be meant for you. [music] [applause]

captioning performed by peoplesupport transcription & starring barbara billingsley, hugh beaumont,

and jerry mathers as the beaver. - [wally] "you are invited to a party at school "for penny, 3:30 friday. "cake and ice-cream will be served." signed mrs. henry woods. well, you might as well throw this one away, mom. - well now, why wouldn't he want to go to a party at school for penny woods? - well in the first place, because she's a girl. in the second place, 'cause beaver says she's just about the creepiest girl in the whole school. - oh, i think that's ridiculous. i wanted him to go, because i think this is going to be a sweet little affair. - okay mom, but i think this is going to be one of those sweet little affairs dad's going to have to beat him into going to. (laughter) (uptempo instrumental music) you both have a perfect driving record. >>perfect. no tickets. no accidents... >>that is until one of you clips a food truck,