oh, yes? ready for what? to go for a ride with you in the magic cart that goes like the wind. well, it's not a cart. it's a car. a car. and i'm afraid i can't take you out today, jeannie. i'm right in the middle of an experiment. oh, you always say that. well, i always am. i know. you want me to ask you what this experiment is about. do you really want to know? mm. if it pleases thee to tell me. i'm working on a small, portable desalinization unit. and if it works, it's going to solve one of the most pressing problems in-- in-- well, in modern history. the shortage of fresh water. very interesting. when we go riding, may i sit behind the wheel that moves the magic cart? with this unit, if you're stranded in the middle of the ocean, on an island, say-- well, like we were. you can make all the fresh water you need right out of the ocean. let us get stranded again so we can try it out. there has to be a way to lick this. oh, nothing could be easier.

and we will ride very fast. wait a minute. what did you say? i said, you will sit next to me in the magic cart, and we will ride very-- no, no, no. i mean about the seawater. oh, that. great-grandfather bilejik used to do it all the time. what magic makes your car move, master? forget about the car. are you you trying to tell me that your great-grandfather could take salt out of seawater? yes. at least he used to know how to do it 2000 years ago. his land was like a garden of eden, while that of his neighbors all around was like baked clay. great-grandfather would not tell them his secret. jeannie. mm? jeannie, would he tell you his secret? i suppose so. is there some demon inside your car that makes it move? oh, forget about the car, really. i want you to do me a favor. i will do anything for you, master. good. i want you to go back and talk to your great-grandfather. have a long talk with him. [laughs]

except that. why? because i will not leave thee. ah. but i will do the next best thing.

do you have any idea what it would mean to the rest of the world if we could supply them with usable ocean water? money in it? well, it'd be very valuable. oh, then bilejik is definitely interested. [chuckles] do you know, i was known as the greatest miser in the world. jeannie: i was hoping you had changed. please be careful, master. he spent most of his time in jail. tony: don't worry about me. i can handle myself. uh, do you have a written formula for this process of yours, sir? oh, of course. i have it all written. right here in a nutshell. would you tell it to me? well, we have to have an agreement.

believe me, you will not like it, master. i should have warned you. he is the black sheep of the family. you know, i think we could negotiate much better if you get her out of here. out. well, i will not leave. uh, jeannie? look, um, why don't you just run along and let the men talk, huh? jeannie: i know him. he's very cunning. tony: can he do what he says? well, yes. but-- well, all right, fine. we'll get some kind of a deal. well, do we negotiate, or do i have to leave? no, no. we'll negotiate, sir. don't leave. all right. but i warned you, master. jeannie, why don't you just run along and amuse yourself, huh? you mean that? sure. oh! thank you, master. [laughs] i got rid of her, so we can talk now. oh, you know... you know, she is my most favorite great-granddaughter, but is honest. of course, nobody is perfect.

oh, that is the beauty of it. pennies. how much do you want for it? no, no, no! that is no way to negotiate. oh, dear, you... you spoiled everything. let me help you. when you negotiate, you pretend that you are not interested. then, perhaps, i will lower my price. oh, well. and would you, sir? thou must be kidding. [car engine revving] jeannie! jeannie, no, no, stop. now, stop! no, no, don't do that. [tires squeal] excuse me, sir. just make yourself at home. i'll be right back.

jeannie! [tires squeal] no, no, please, wait. now, come on, jeannie. i'm not fooling around. no, no, please, wait.

no, no. please, wait. wait! wait. now, stop. jeannie, stay right there. hello, dr. bellows. captain nelson, you and i have a lot to talk about. sir? that car has no driver. no. no, it doesn't. well, thank heavens no one was hurt. just by talking to it, you brought that vehicle to a stop. well, that vehicle should never have started, sir. i can't wait to hear your explanation. well, actually, i-i can explain it, sir. you're doing some experimental work? you've rigged it up as a robot car, operated by remote control? you might say that. then again, i might not. i've seen experiments like this, but i've never seen anyone control a car by talking to it. well, it's new, sir. it's top-secret. that's whyt seems so unusual. everything about you is unusual, captain. i haven't had a decent night's sleep since you've been assigned to me.

as a psychiatrist, i know that everything has an explanation. and that includes you and this car. one day i'm going to get to the bottom of it. and do you know something, captain? that's going to be the happiest day of my life. yes, sir. but would you mind, in the future, please, drive the old-fashioned way? thank you. all right, young lady. [laughs nervously] dr. bellows is a very suspicious man, is he not? he has pretty good reason for being suspicious. who told you you could take the car and drive off without me? well, you did, master. i what? well, you told me to go amuse myself, and this is what amuses me. ooh, it is faster than a flying carpet. and a lot more dangerous. never do that again. do you understand? yes, master.

oh, i will go see. put those back. ah, don't-- don't you ever knock? i will not have you injure this one. he belongs to me. the last time you summoned me to help someone was 1500 years ago, and i sold him two pyramids and the scrolls of the red sea. well, this one is different. he is most wise. well, in that case, i will just sell him one pyramid. you will sell him nothing. but he wants to buy my-- my water formula. he-- he is a most eager buyer. can you really take salt out of water? oh, it is child's play. then do it for him. [door opens] oh, he's coming.

bilejik? bilejik? excuse me. i thought i lost you. oh, you did, did you? well, you are not going to get rid of me that easily. [doorbell rings] uh, would you mind sitting down in there, sir? oh, yes. thank you. moing, tony. wanna hear some great sounds? i've got this afro-latin record that'll really turn you on. i'm kind of busy right now. yeah, nice talking to you. i got a visitor. you got a v--? ah, you sly dog. maybe she'll dig the music, huh? where is she? no, no, it's not a girl. it's a very old man. sure he is. well, i'll, uh... i'll keep the mood music. captain roger healey, this is mr. bilejik. oh. everybody here dresses so oddly. oh. where are you from, mr. bilejik? i am from the old country. really? where--? whereabouts? the old, old country.

well, what--? what have you got? everything. he's kind of an old, old junk man, huh? what are you buying? well, actually, i am selling my friend here a-- oh, i don't think i'll discuss it until i find out if it works. roger: don't buy any old capsules from him. oh, what are they? i can get you all that you need. he's a little way out, isn't he? bye-bye. oh, thank you. my record. i'll take it. goodbye, roge. thanks for dropping in. [door closes] all right, sir, let's get down to business. oh, i'm all ready. you bet i'm ready. uh, i was wondering what you would like in exchange for your process? oh, the process. well, uh, since you are a great friend of my great-granddaughter, i will charge you nothing. that is, uh... well, that's very kind of you, sir. ...except a little token. what kind of token? well, it would amuse me if i could, uh... if i could have a little statue i have heard people talking about. what kind of statue? well, i don't know what the name is, but, uh,

holding a torch. the statue of liberty?

i can't give you the statue of liberty. it doesn't even belong to me. no one has ever called bilejik unreasonable. what about that thing called the mint? the mint? i can't give you the mint. elizabeth taylor? forget it. i guess i... i'd better be getting back home. you are not going anywhere. not until my master has the formula he wants. but he has nothing to trade me for it. and you ought to hear what he's asking. let me deal with him, master. but jeannie-- i will get you what you wish. all right. i'll be out on the patio if you need me. mm. don't give away the country, huh? no. oh, my dear great-granddaughter, you are wasting your time, because you have nothing to offer me.

oh-ho, it doesn't, hey? [laughs] of course not. i just wanted to get him out of the room so i could wish you a safe journey home. oh, thank you. give my love to the family. i will. great-grandmother is well? yes, she is her same old sour-tempered self. and tanya? tanya? mm. the little belly dancer. oh, that--? that tanya? i think i shall arrange for great-grandmother to meet her. no, no, no. please, please, do not disturb your poor, old grandmother with all of these little problems. well, all right. when do you want the formula? now. master? yeah? my great-grandfather has decided to tell you what you wish to know. yes, and you must understand that this is just out of the goodness of my heart.

however, if you wish to show your gratitude-- great-grandfather. all right, all right. i will need a few things. yes, what? salt water. salt water. yes. porous cloth. porous cloth. seeds of the geloom. seeds of...the geloom? mm-hm. oh, i know where to find them, master. they grow in a field near the nile. oh, i will fetch them right away. you will stay right here and i will fetch them. no woman ever gives me orders. heh-heh. is there anything you would like me to tell great-grandmother while i'm there? tell her i'm fine. i'll be home as soon as i get finished with this-- this business. keep your eye on him, master. i certainly appreciate this, mr. bilejik. i can't tell you what it would mean to me and-- oh, it's nothing, nothing. if you-- if you wish to-- to do me a little favor, well, uh... you see, i have a little money scheme, and i would like to meet your president.

if there is anything i detest, it's a sneaky genie. hello, dr. bellows. i've been thinking about our meeting this morning, and i wanted to ask you... what have you got there? well, this is drinking water, sir. don't you have running water in your home, captain? well, of course. this isn't ordinary water. it's seawater. huh. i should have known. and if i should ask you why you're drinking seawater, what would your answer be? i'm conducting a little experiment, sir. oh, another one, captain? have you finished the one with the car? yes, sir, i finished that. i won't have to test that again. so now you're drinking seawater? are you sure that cask doesn't contain something else, captain? i-i don't understand what you mean, sir. some whiskey, perhaps? gin? vodka? i hope you don't think that i'd be-- oh, don't i? i'm not as innocent as i look, captain. well, sir, really, it's just plain old ordinary seawater, that's all. just-- now, don't-- don't drink it.

[mouths] seawater. seawater. i-i'm sorry, sir, i-- i mean, i-- i told you. [humming] [door opens] [door closes] here's your seawater, sir. oh, good. good, good, good. thank you. oh, tell me, sir, are you a very rich man? who, me? why, no, no. why? well, i thought perhaps you could arrange a little loan for me. forget it. here are your geloom seeds. oh, may i see those? i want to find out the modern name for them. if it works, that is. it had better work. oh, poor bilejik.

but it will work. ah. now-- now-- now we pour the seawater in that. do not trouble yourself, master. oh, my. she was always a showoff. what happens now? oh, what usually happens is that i get paid, but... well, all right. you'll have fresh water in-- in less than a minute. how does it work? well, you-- you see, the seeds have an incredible affinity for the salt, and they soak it up just like sponges. well, you mean, that's all there is to it? oh, no, no. usually i make it much more complicated. as a matter of fact, i did the same experiment a long time ago. it took me seven months. oh, but the sultan paid me a fortune.

[laughs] she always was a showoff. it's fresh water. and it's wonderful. bilejik: yes. be my guest. bilejik, i don't know how to thank you. thou art telling me? he has already been thanked, master. look at the size of these. look how big they are. yes. well, of course, they're full of salt. where can i get more? oh, it's a weed. it grows in fields everywhere, everyplace. you've done it, jeannie. bilejik, i'm going to see that your name goes down in history. well, who wants that? there-- there's no money in it. can i go home now? yes, great-grandfather. have a safe journey home. and give my love to tanya. ah-ah-ah-ah. ah! look what he had stolen.

jeannie, do you have any idea what these seeds mean? we're gonna go look up a botanist and find out the modern name for these. oh, it's incredible. why, this is the most exciting find i've ever run across. you don't know the half of it. oh, there's no doubt about it. no, no, this is it. you know the name of it? i told you the name of it. it is called the geloom seed. these seeds are the seeds of the lucretia quimby daisy. we're gonna need a lot of them. well, they grow like weeds. it was named for his mother by a man named quimby, in the year 1872. that was nice of him, wasn't it? oh, it goes way back. several thousand years back. yeah, i know. i know. they grow wild in the middle east. grew. grew? yes. you see, uh, quimby was an archaeologist, as well as a botanist. that's why we have a record of this seed. and he translated an ancient work on botany.

the blight. the blight? the blight that wiped out the lucretia quimby daisy,

[humming] hi, jeannie. what are you doing? oh. i am in the middle of an experiment. i see. and i'm supposed to ask you

do you really want to know? go ahead, tell me. drink this. what is it? fresh water. it's salt water. yes. i cannot make fresh water out of salt water, but i have learned how to make salt water out of fresh water. ah! jeannie, i'm home. i am out here, master. boy, you should've seen me in the lab today. jeannie! what are you doing? get down off my towel! what if one of the neighbors sees you? but master, you know how restful it is up here. yes, yes, yeah, i know. but come down here. come up here. take these trunks off. [laughs] no, i don't mean--

oh, master, you worry too much. this patio is private. [humming] not anymore, it isn't. this is custer's. now you've gotta get out of here. custer to captain nelson. hi! hi. my third stage malfunctioned. well, that happens to us down at the cape occasionally. what went wrong? fuel trouble. i guess i didn't mix enough vinegar with the baking soda. well, you can try another space probe tomorrow, huh? gee, i wish i was a real astronaut like you. they send up monkeys and mice, but i don't see what they've got against kids. [bugle playing] that's for me. i gotta go do my homework. sounds like "reveille." it was. but it's the only bugle call mom knows how to play. blast off! [laughs] i'm back. jeannie, i don't mind you levitating.

but the sun is out here, master. there. is this not more pleasant? mmm, well. i guess you could consider it part of the space program. has anyone see my--

you will wear yourself out, master. would you like to float awhile? no, no, not again. we were seen the last time. well, does it matter? does it matter? well, how am i going to explain it to that kid? and you-- you know he's gonna ask. i just hope he hasn't-- [doorbell rings]

kitchen. jeannie. oh! heh. man: good evening. hello, major jamison. i-- i wasn't expecting anybody. [yawns] as a matter of fact, i was just going to bed. at 7:00? oh. uh, sorry to bother you, captain, but we need your help. yeah, well, what can i do for you, sir? you can help me straighten out my son. it's just that custer's imagination runs away with him. it wasn't my imagination. weren't you and that lady floating in the air? tell them. see what i mean. talk to him. hi there, custer. say, you probably know more about space mechanics than any boy your age. so you of all people should realize that... ordinary people just can't float in the air. but i saw you. yeah. [tony stammering] if you can tell me how, under normal circumstances, a person can float in the air... [jeannie giggles]

there's someone in the kitchen. i, uh-- i'm, uh, sorry we intruded, captain nelson. you didn't, not at all, sir. [jeannie giggles] didn't you hear that? now, let's get home, dear. we've taken up enough of captain nelson's time. boy, grownups sure have bad ears. it sounded like a girl giggling. now, thank captain nelson for explaining everything to you. but he didn't. uh, well-- well, he did to my satisfaction. you'll understand when you're older. now, come along. goodnight, captain. goodnight. if i can help again-- not at all. i like that boy. jeannie, one of these days you're gonna go too far. oh, have no fear, master. i will always come back. [gasps] jeannie. come on, i've gotta study. oh, but why, master?

i can be a little voice whispering in your ear. uh-huh. like this. [whispers] oh! jeannie, i'll have to do this on my own. please. besides, what do you know about celestial navigation? jeannie: oh, i learned a few things in my days... ...from galileo. yeah. well, i had a feeling he didn't spend all his time gazing at the stars. truly! some days it does not pay to get out of the bottle. and then she disappeared? in smoke? let's go back and see captain nelson. i gotta find out how he does it. custer. i know. i'm restricted to barracks.

we need professional help for your son. my son? you're the one ordered me to have a boy. yes... but not this one. come in, custer. i'm dr. bellows. i, um, just want you to make yourself comfortable. now, custer, tell me exactly what happened in your own words. just begin at the beginning. oh, for heaven's sakes. how can you hear with that whatchamacallit in your ears? uh, custer, custer. thank you. all right, son. how, uh-- how about lying down on the couch? i'm not tired. well, i, um-- i just want you to be comfortable while you talk to me. i'm comfortable here. custer to earth. i've just completed one-man orbit. now, custer. no more orbits.

what other games have you got? let's talk about the game when you saw captain nelson float in the air. that wasn't a game. that was real. you think i'm some sort of schizophrenic? must be a secret trick the astronauts have learned. he might have experienced a weightlessness reaction from a simulated flight. he must've taught the girl the trick, then. girl? what girl? the one he made disappear in a puff of smoke. boy, i wish i could do that. now, you know that's impossible. custer. i believe you. you do? honest? yes. i'm your friend, custer. and i'm also captain nelson's friend. anything he does concerns me because it concerns the space program. do you understand? uh-huh. you and i are gonna try to help captain nelson. it'll be our secret. gee, what do you want me to do? i want you to keep your eyes open,

that's out of the ordinary. i'll do the rest. okay. dr. bellows? yes, custer? do head shrinkers give lollipops? [upbeat swing music playing] you mean to say this is the kind of dancing they do nowadays? yeah, somethin' like that. it's like our harem dancing. yeah. only with more clothes on.

custer, what are you doing here? i was on a reconnaissance flight. hm? well, uh, purely in the interest of the space program, anything peculiar going on? she's done it again. she disappeared. are you sure she was there? uh-huh.

what's going on here? shh! he'll hear us. well. it's been years since i've nabbed me a peeping tom. i think i hear my mom's bugle. officer, you're making a mistake. i'm a psychiatrist. same thing. well, it's the first time i've seen a peeping tom giving on-the-job training. officer, if you'll just ring the bell, captain nelson will vouch for us. don't worry. i'll do that little thing. jeannie, where are you? [doorbell rings] jeannie: i am here. i saw custer at the window. good girl, good girl. just-- just stay where you are, wherever that is. [music continues playing] yes?

caught these two looking in your window. you didn't. [music ends] please tell him who i am. do you know him? yes, officer. i-- i know this man. i must admit, i'm shocked by this behavior. well, if you know him, i guess it's okay. i wouldn't go around looking in people's windows after this if i were you. thank you very much, officer. anything for you, captain nelson. right. you may have been wondering why we were looking in your window. i'm gonna get right to the point, captain nelson. there are some things going on around here that scream for an explanation. oh, yes, sir? yes. i have an eyewitness here who says he saw you dancing a few moments ago with a girl who seems to have vanished. yes, yes, she seems to have vanished. custer, shouldn't you be in bed? why, captain nelson. she was a beautiful blond with long hair. tony: a blond? uh, did you see a blond? no. well, of course not. i hate blonds.

are there some experiments with weightlessness at the base that i haven't been informed about? he's doing it again. dr. bellows! doing what, custer? he was just this high off the floor. is your mother's bugle broken, custer? custer: oh, come on, captain. do it again. can you go up anytime you want? oh, don't be ridiculous. custer: there he goes again, doctor. custer, tomorrow we're gonna have your eyes checked. uh, we'll be running along, now. i'm sorry to have bothered you, captain. anytime, dr. bellows. custer: i wish he'd teach me how to float like that. there he goes again!

you'll feel much better when we get those glasses fitted. all right, jeannie, put me down.

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good ening, master. ahh! jeannie, don't play those little tricks, please. what tricks? thou art so nervous. it's just that-- just that evy3e2y time i turn around, i expect custer to pop out. well, i can take care of that. i will not have you tormented. well, i'm not so crazy about it myself. dr. bellows thinks i'm coming apart at the sms as it is. if you see any loose threads hanging off me, don't pull them. oh, master, i'm so pleased. pleased? yes! because now you need me, and can help you.

all i need is one. oh, but it's a simple matter. i can turn him into a fro-- you'll turn him into nothing. an excellent idea. no, no, i-i mean, leave him alone. but, i-- no buts. no buts. il handle this my way, do you hear? oh, but, master. ah-ah-ah! yes, master. [giggles] ah-ah! [phone rings] ^@ yeah. nelson here. oh, hello, mrs. jamison. yeah. no, no. custer hasn't been around here all day. he-- well, you know how boys are. yeah. sure, sure. i-if i see him, i'll give you a ring.

custer's disappeared. w7 custer's disappeared. custer's disappeared! custer's disappeared! jeannie! jeannie. you come out of there. [yawns] yes, master. don't "yes, master" me. what have you done with custer? i've not done anything with custer. don't give me that. he's been missing since morning. well, i do not have him. i didn't say you had. i asked what youe do'v. you are yelling at me. you haven't heard me yell yet. you were gonna turn him into nothing, remember? well, i d not do that. custer will turn up. yeah, but what as? a pollywog or a parakeet? or something really sensational, like a rutabaga! you do not believe me. you ought to be ashamed of yourself. a little kid like that who ver ned you any harm. jeannie, come back.

this is your master calling! i'm sure he's all right, honey. after all, no rockets left for mars today. oh! i-- i was on foolyng, dear. honestly. here, nancy. take this. no, no. thanks for coming over, doctor. you-- you've been a great comfort. [doorbell rings] that could be some news. oh, custer, custer, darling. is he back yet? is there-- is there anything new in the house? what? well-- hello, dr. bellows. i mean, since-- since custer left, have you noticed anything that wasn't here before? that's new. huh? where'd it come from? i found it in custer's room this morning.

water it every day. he's a growing boy. there's a new goldfish does that count? does it count? which one? which one? uh, it's-- it's the one with the brown eyes. tony: oh, custer. custer! captain, i know how upset you must be over custer. sir, i have a confession to make. tell me, captain. unburden yourself. this is all my fault. i can't keep it a secret any longer. your fault? it's liable to finish me, but i've got to tell you. yes, yes. tony: i know what happened to custer. you see, i have this friend, and she thought that custer was-- hi. custer, darling! where have you been? there's this traveling carnival at the edge of town, and they've got the neatest centrifuge ride. i didn't think you'd mind. you've been at the carnival all day? i was gonna call you up and tell you where i was. only then i wouldn't have had enough money left for popcorn. and, hey, captain nelson.

huh? what doou mean? i saw a lady at the carnival do the exact same thing. she even disappeared in a puff of smoke. what'd she look like, huh? what'd she look like? big fat lady with dark hair. oh. oh, i'm so relieved. captain nelson, let's have a cup of coffee and some coffeecake. no, i'm sorry, mrs. jamison. i've gotta find somebody and apologize to her. how 'bout that confession? [laughs] yeahwell, how 'bout that? now, custer, my boy. let's start at the beginning and go over everything you saw... ...very carefully.

jeannie. look, how wrong can a fellow be?

but i-- i won't blame you if you don't. jeannie. jeane. [jeannie sings in a foreign tongue] hey, jeannie. jeannie. do-do-de do-do-de-doop hi. oh, jeannie, how wrong can a fellow be? i won't blame you if you don't forgive me. i hope you will. never. do not bother me. i am choosing a new planet. i will not stay where i am not wanted. who said that? huh? who said--? who said that? who said you weren't wanted? i will find a master up there who does not hate blonds. jeannie, i didn't mean that.

called "kiss and make up." i would know more of this custom. i am ruly sorry. i'll never accuse you of anything like that again. you promise? i promise. hey. pay attention. here, you want a little bite? want some? well, let me stir it for you. wait a minute. come on. you want a taste? taste. okay. there you go. [ tinkles ] [ ding! ]

mommy doesn't want you to do th, remember? mustn't twitch. hi. at least not until i've had a chance to tell daddy that you're a -- i-i-i mean, that you have the por to -we that you can do witchcraft. hi. and i'm going to tell him tonight, while we're celebrating our anniversary and he's in a good mood, just at the right time when the lights are low, and we're in a restaurant where he can't scrm,ea and there's a nearby exit. [ tinkles ] [ ding! ] oh, no! oh, tabitha, please! sweetheart, baby, angel? listen, tab, stop fooling around. what was she doing? [ laughing ] honey, you're not trng to get her to use a fork, are you? don't you think you're pushing her a little too fast? uh, no, darling.