i can't believe it. two whole weeks without major nelson. hm. ha-ha. "caution, do not close." i see. master, darling. oh. hi, jeannie. hm. i am ready. what are you doing? i told you to stay home and wait for me. oh, i could not wait, master. i am so excited. two whole weeks in rome. ho-ho. i can hardly wait to see michelangelo again. yeah. but if anybody discovers you're here, both you and i, we're gonna have to move in with michelangelo. now, you go home and-- and start packing. oh. we are all packed. we-- for two weeks in rome, you're packed in that? well, you said you wanted to travel light.

[laughing] it's kind of cute. [footsteps] somebody's coming. someone's coming. go on, go on. get out. oh! how is this? huh? where are you? down here in the big box. huh? and here. take that. no, i don't mean in there. i mean, go home. ahh! oh, i'm sorry, tony. are you okay? yeah. yeah, i'm fine. hey, is this the baby they're sending up to the moon? yes. well, what are you doing? what's up? it's locked. what do you mean it's locked? it's locked! what's wrong? jeannie's in there. jeannie's in there? well, why would they want to send jeannie to the moon? jeannie's in there? jeannie: master? master?! please let me out of here.

let me out of here! what if you had a medical emergency away from home? my chest hurts. i can't breathe.

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[door opens] hi. did you get the combination? no, dr. bellows doesn't have it. what do you mean he doesn't have it? he just doesn't have it. uh-- uh, jeannie, you're gonna have to get out by yourself. oh. it is no use, master. if you cannot open this safe, it is impossible. i-- i am trapped. it is just like putting the cork in my bottle. that's a combination lock. this shouldn't be hard to open. by the time we figure out the combination, this safe is gonna be on its way to the moon. uh, j-jeannie. i-i want you to turn yourself to smoke. try getting out that way. oh. very well. but i do not think it will work. uh, jeannie, are you all right? [coughs] yes. but i am still here.

i think we're in trouble. there we are. yeah. give me the bag. yeah. sledgehammer. sledgehammer. oh-- chisel. chisel, chisel. monkey wrench. monkey wrench. and a crowbar. [sighs] that ought to do it. i don't know, tony, that thing looked strong. if that doesn't work, we get a blowtorch. if that doesn't work... yeah? we're in trouble. i bet dr. bellows would give us the combination if he knew how important this was. yeah, how do we tell him? well, we could walk up to him and tell him that we'd like to get inside the safe because there's a genie in there. i-- i wonder w-where we can get a blowtorch this time of night. give me that.

[rattles] shh! jeannie, are you there? [coughs] yes, master. l-look, don't-- don't worry about a thing. in a few minutes, we're gonna be having dinner at the cocoa beach yacht club. hurry, master. when you hear some hammering, don't be frightened. it's just us trying to break in. oh, i will not be frightened. i have faith in you. hey, wait a minute, roger. maybe this pamphlet has some construction details that will tell us the easiest way to get in. here. it says the, uh... "the moon safe is completely resistant to extremes of temperature and pressure."

"a--" "a unique--" "a unique feature of the moon safe is the explosive device built into the walls." you hear that? yeah. "should anyone dial incorrect numbers or attempt to break in, the explosive will be detonated, destroying the safe and the contents." here goes. no! watch it. [mutters] what's the matter? what's the matter? you would have blown up the safe with jeannie in it. roger: what do you mean? what is happening, master? when are you going to start hammering? uh, we're not gonna be able to break in, jeannie. the-- the safe will explode. [shrieks] jeannie: what are you going to do? then how will you get me out of here? that's a good question. we're gonna have to get professional advice. yeah, professional advice. hey, why don't we get a locksmith? we'll get a locksmith. a locksmith. no, no, a locksmith would ask too many questions. too many questions. uh... a professional safecracker, that's what we need. yeah, a safecracker. yeah. where are we gonna get a safecracker? um...

that a lot of mobsters hang out at. uh... the... pink horse? the pink horse bar and grill. yeah. that's where we're gonna get him. uh, jeannie. jeannie, now-- now, don't worry about a thing. you just make yourself comfortable. uh, roger and i are gonna go and get you a-- a professional safecracker. oh, be careful, master. safecrackers are dangerous criminals. hey, she's right. the pink horse bar and grill. that's where all the gangsters hang out. where do you expect to find a safecracker, the yellow pages? come on. wait a minute, wait a minute. give a hand. give a hand, where's--? shh! [clattering] shh! well, here it is. is that you, master? did you say something, joe? not me. come on. give me a hand with this.

you know, i could've sworn somebody said, "is that you, master?" sure you did, mike. it's probably a little green moon man in the safe going home. okay. it's good enough here. all right. easy. easy. [groans] there we are. oh. easy now. do you know what's kind of crazy? mm-hm. we can't cure a common cold. but tomorrow morning this thing's gonna be on its way to the moon.

what'll it be, gents? two beers... heavy on the foam. right. [in mobster accent] we want a little information. look. why don't you guys just go on to your costume party? you could get hurt in here. listen. have you ever heard of the atlantic city bank robbery? i ain't even heard of atlantic city. i guess you didn't hear about the robbery then, huh? mm. good foam. [tony clears throat] we're down from chicago to do a job. do you have a... can opener? a can opener? you know what we mean. yeah. and we're willing to pay for it. oh. two bucks. man: hey. hey.

what's your bag, man? my bag? bag. oh. um... well, uh, we're looking for-- what are you? fuzz? fuzz? fuzz. oh, the police? no. do i look like a policeman? well, uh... you look like you're from an old tv movie. [clears throat] get a club. look busy. look busy. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. listen... i give you a hundred dollars if you help me. try to look busy, try to look busy. [sighs] not bad for $2, huh? what? give me that. try to look busy, will you?

professor, i'd like for you to meet... please. no names. it's a pleasure to meet you, professor. please. no handshakes. charley, get me a stick. a what? charley! here, professor. gentlemen. keep playing, keep playing, keep playing. what can i do for you? are you a safecracker? professor's the best in the business. [chuckles] [chuckles] charley here is one of my most ardent admirers. [chuckles] you say it to anybody, don't you, charley? you'd even say it to the fbi. wouldn't you, charley? [groans] professor, they ain't no fbi. they ain't no fbi. don't you think i can see that? tony: professor... [balls clacking] we've got a job for you tonight. keep playing, keep playing. what kind of a job?

obviously. what's in the safe? well, it's a-- a jewel. a rare jewel. it's the only one of its kind in the world. i'll say. [groans] where is this jewel? nasa. the space agency?! shh! the safe is guaranteed unopenable. we have to do the job tonight because... the safe is gonna be moved tomorrow morning. p-p-professor, we can't pull a-- a job at nasa. i mean, like fort knox, the place is guarded. charley, charley, charley. major nelson and major healey both work for nasa. i'm sure they'll arrange to find some way to get us in. how did you know our names? i'm also a pickpocket. well, i'll be--

somebody's moved it. it was right here. somebody's moved it. hey, what are you guys trying to pull? you don't think they loaded it already? no, of course not. here, look in the back. take that. professor, i told you, we shouldn't get mixed up with amateurs. relax, charley. they have got more to lose than we have. i know where it is. it's at the final assembly room. it's on the tarmac. roger. come on. let's hurry. i dropped the flashlight. i'll get the flashlight. you take 'em to the final assembly room. get the flashlight. sh! where's that flashlight? dr. bellows. did you lose this flashlight? oh. yes. yes, sir. thank you. i'm sure you have a reasonable explanation why you were crawling on the floor here instead of being in rome on your vacation? where you belong.

you don't have to tell me. i don't? no. i'll tell you. you will? mm. you couldn't bear to go away and, um, not see the launching of the moonshot. yeah-- well, the truth is, sir-- uh, the truth is, i should have guessed it. uh, do you know your trouble, major nelson? what's that, sir? you're overconscientious. me? [chuckles] but it's not going to go unrewarded. ahem. oh, well, that's very kind of you, sir. you're gonna watch that launching from the control room. i'm gonna watch it, sir? oh-- i insist. i insist. i-- i have a plane-- you're going to sit right next to me. master? where am i? in the final assembly room, dumb-dumb. oh. thank you. joe. i'm hearing it again. hearing what? voices. didn't you hear it? you mean the one that just said,

mm-mm. i didn't hear a thing. right. neither did i. oh. what do you think it was? probably some new secret weapon. boy, are those russians gonna be in for a surprise. that's it. let's go. now, wait a second, wait a second. you don't expect us to work on that thing out in the open, do you? oh, we have to. in a few minutes that thing's gonna be shot to the moon. look, you stay here. i'll go and see if the coast is clear. professor, i don't like it. look. even if we're able to get the jewel out of that safe-- i mean, if it is one of a kind --we'll never be able to push it. very shrewd, charley. but you missed the crucial question. why would nasa want to shoot a rare precious stone to the moon? yeah, that's right. it's a phony. so what are we standing here for? why?

major nelson and major healey are desperate to get it out. and people don't get desperate over something of no value. ah. that's why. [whistling] jeannie. can you hear me? it's me, roge. yes, major healey. two men moved me last night. where am i? the final assembly room. ready to be loaded on the moon rocket. do not worry. well, uh... uh, where is major nelson? i don't know. will he be on the rocket? no, just you and a bunch of equipment. well, then, i-i would like to get out, please. don't worry, jeannie. we got some experts working on it now. man [on radio]: three-forty mark. usually we don't use-- man: uh, status check? that is, major healey and major nelson... [indistinct radio chatter]

what are they loading now? let's see. number 12... meteorological survey monitor. uh, what number is that moon safe? seventeen. [snaps] i just remembered. i gotta see somebody. if you'll excuse me. aren't you waiting? of course he is. oh. dr. bellows, i-- major nelson put off his vacation to watch this launching. uh, that's the kind of loyalty we get from our astronauts, congressman. well, that's very commendable, major. very commendable. tell me, son, how will you feel when you see that rocket lifting off its launch pad? i'd rather not try to describe my feelings, sir. what are you doing, professor? i'm getting ready to open your safe. roger: don't touch-- professor: don't touch it? oh. if you dial the wrong combination, the whole safe will blow up. [door closes] roger: oh, let's hide. hide. [mumbling indistinctly]

what happened to the safe? the safe? what safe? y-- the safe, sir. the safe? oh, the safe. oh, well, the safe was, uh... it's over there. it's way over there. oh. thank you, major. way over. way... well, it's not here. what happened? there it is. what? this. there's the safe. oh, that safe. yeah. you wanted that safe, yeah. well, carry on, men. [chuckles] thank you, major. take care of that safe. bye. yeah. nice work. all right, pull it up.

you know, i understand they keep you on a pretty short leash out here. make you watch your diets, regulate your sleep, cut down on your social life. how do you feel about that? oh, it-- it's a wonderful program, sir. they-- they keep us in tiptop shape. you don't look too well. here. thank you. congressman, hm-hm... if you look at the monitor there, you'll see them loading the moon safe. [spits] you all right, major? [gasping] yeah. tiptop shape. [coughing] it's remarkable how calm and collected you all stay. i'm nervous as a cat. [crash] major nelson!

jeannie--i gotta get her out of there. i gotta get her out of there! jeannie! major nelson, where are you going? jeannie! major! come back here, major! stop them. gotta stop them. man: minus 10, nine,

congressman: that's nelson! five, four... tony: stop the launch! stop it! stop that launch! stop--! [engines roaring] goodbye, jeannie. goodbye. man [over speaker]: three, two, one, zero.

there's gotta be some way of stopping that thing. jeannie! jeannie! beautiful. just beautiful. oh. roger, jeannie's locked in the moon safe. she-- she's on her way to the moon. every time i see one of those things, i get a lump in my throat. she was counting on us, roger, and we let her down. look at that thing move. don't you understand?! jeannie's gone. uh, no, she-- no, she isn't. what a perfect blastoff. we let her down, roger. she's gonna be up there all alone. she's gonna be helpless. she-- what'd you say? you know the moon safe jeannie was locked in? yeah? well, it wasn't loaded in the rocket.

they brought it out. no, something else. no, no. jeannie's right here in the safe, right here. i made a switch. you're kidding! you did?! [laughs] really? where is she? she's in the final assembly room. what's gotten into you? come on! ah, what a beautiful, beautiful-- come on! roger: wait. wait a minute. tony: roge-- just relax. i know exactly where it is. look, there's no prob-- oh. what are you doing over there? tony, relax. i told you there's no problem. i left it right over here and-- oh. oh, wait a minute. oh, it was right here. the professor and charley were trying to get it open. the professor and charley? you left jeannie with them? they're safecrackers. they're professional criminals. but they're working for us. why would they wanna steal it? those dirty crooks. that's what crooks do. they steal things. ah. wait till they open it up and find jeannie inside. boy, are they in for a surprise. whoo. not what i'm worried about. what do you mean?

the combination wrong, it'll explode. what are we gonna do? come on. you both have a perfect driving record.

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what do you think, professor? i think i got it figured out. what do you mean, you think? come on, try it. you-- you heard what the major said. we turn the numbers to the right combination, we get what's in the safe. charley: right. we turn the numbers to the wrong combination, and we get blown up. i would give anything to know what's in there. some technical thing that ain't worth a nickel. no, i have a feeling that whatever's in there is priceless. charley: but what good is it gonna do us if it's in the safe and we can't get it open? what good is it going to do us if it blows us to pieces? one wrong number and "pa-chow!" you mean you believe that, uh-- "pa-chow!"

but even i know a con job when i hear one. oh? come on, give me this thing. go ahead, you-- you try it. i will. [whistling] where you going? i'll wait for you outside. you wait right here. here. [stammers] [sighs] here goes. one wrong number? that's what the major said. [laughs] he was bluffing. pfft. [laughs] here goes. did you try it yet? what? did you try it yet? no. but i will, i will. [gasps]

professor, professor. what's the matter? ticktock, ticktock. what do you mean, ticktock? ticktock, ticktock. ticktock, ticktock? [whimpers] oh. uh, could you help us, please? yes. what'll it be, gents? we're here on official air force business. uh, if you could give us some information. we're looking for a couple of guys named the professor and, uh, charley. do you happen to know where they live? ah. how should i know? you don't have to register here to get a drink. [laughs] don't i know you guys? withholding information from a federal agency is a crime, you know? that's section 102, area code 213... all right, roge. ...zip code-- i don't know where they live. they just come in here every once in a while, that's all. shall we take him in

i think he's telling the truth. all right, we'll wait over here. come on, roge. you gonna wait till they come in? that's right. that's right. two black coffees. they might not be in for days. well, make that four black coffees. yeah, but... so? ten bucks. ten bucks? for a valuable piece of property like this? wha--? look how heavy it is. look. oh! woman: what am i gonna do with a safe that doesn't even open? well, you could use it for, uh, a paperweight. yeah, paperweight. nothing but scrap. ten bucks. all right, we'll take it. what, take it? you give it. it's gonna cost me that to have it hauled away.

good morning. nasa. just a moment please. uh, get me general ashley in honolulu, would you, miss temple? i'll take it in my office. good morning. nasa. a moon safe? uh, i beg your pardon. what did you say? just a moment, please. there's someone calling about a moon safe. oh, i warned them. plug me in, i'll take it. on four, sir. this is dr. bellows. i've got an article here that's marked, uh, "moon safe." "property of nasa" stenciled on it. you want it back or shall i scrap it? i don't think this is funny. well, neither do i. it's taking up a lot of room. uh, miss, it isn't possible that you--? uh, hold on a moment, will you? uh, get me captain stewart. captain stewart, dr. bellows. on six, sir. uh, hello, captain stewart. this is dr. bellows. listen, you saw the moon safe being loaded on the rocket, didn't you? uh-huh. i did too.

it's, uh-- i'm just double-checking. well, thank you. goodbye. hello, miss. about that safe... scrap it. get me general ashley. well, it's the crusher for you. [quietly] crusher? want another cup of coffee, roge? no, i'm half-brazilian now. hey, waiter. they're here. they're here. let's get 'em. no, no, no, play it cool. i don't want 'em to make a run for it. yeah, play it cool. you better get outta here. you're hot. the fuzz? more like two escapees from a nut house. over there in the corner. hey, come on, uh, we can make it out the back. hold it. i think i see a chance for us to turn a profit.

they're coming over, tony. now, remember, play it cool. yeah. play it cool. professor: well, gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, how very nice to see you again. [both laugh] i'm sorry we missed connections earlier. yeah. all right, where is it? we gave it to-- we gave it to, uh, somebody for safekeeping. how much is it worth to you? it's worth-- wait a minute. know the penalty for stealing government property? uh-huh. about the same as the penalty for someone who is an accomplice to someone who steals government property. now, wait a minute. we didn't ask you to steal it, we just asked you to open it. forget it, roger. i'll give you everything i got. oh, now, you're talking. how much is that? uh, i've got 15 here. take it, professor, take it. that's five clear profit. here's another 5. that's 20. are you trying to insult us? the price is 20,000. here's another 5, that's 25. that's 25. fine, 25,000. twenty-five thousand-- twenty-five thousand? i don't have that kind of money. sorry, we cannot do business, i'm afraid.

charley: professor, take the money. take the money. oh, good thinking. you know, i'm not very hard to do business with. okay, $25. oh, hi, professor, charley. uh, annie, i would like to talk to you. well, if it's about that safe, forget it. i've already sent it to harry's scrap yard. both: harry's scrap yard? excuse me, ma'am. all right, let's go. master!

oh, master, master, please! please get me out of here-- ah! i will-- i will-- i will never be jealous again, and i will be quiet. oh. i promise. i pro-- ah! i promise i'll be quiet. i'll never drive your car. [sobbing] [screams]

tony: hey! hey. uh, sir. did anybody bring a safe in here? a safe about this big? uh, yeah, yeah, we just put it on the belt. what belt? uh, over there. it goes into the crusher. the crusher? the cru-- jeannie! jeannie! jeannie? oh, that's a code name for the safe. you gotta stop that belt. [stammers] well, you can't from here. the switch is on the crusher. oh, the crusher.

oh. did you see it? no, not yet. it's gotta be here someplace. sorry, fellas, you're too late. it's already gone through. gone through what? through the crusher. would have come out the other side. you wanna take a look? no. it'll probably look, about, oh, like a sardine can. i once put an automobile through there. come out, oh, fine, sir. size of a cigar box. why, i've even seen 'em take a-- a--

[sobbing] mama! do you remember how she used to knock on her bottle to get you to take the cork off? [both sigh] and that pretty pink smoke would come out. yeah, and there she'd be, just smiling and happy. then she'd say, "how can i serve you, master?" and you'd say, "by getting back in the bottle and staying there." she was good, roge. yeah. i didn't deserve her. ah, no-- you were rotten. you were rotten, all right. you want another one?

what do you know? hello, space agency? no. this is harry's scrap yard. uh, listen, a couple of your officers were over here yesterday asking about a safe. just a moment please. [intercom buzzes] dr. bellows, it's someone about the safe again. will you take it, sir? your party's on the line, sir. [intercom buzzes] good morning, sue. good morning, major healey. thank you, i hope this coffee is good and black this morning. i could really use it. good morning. nasa. i'm warning you, mister, if we get one more prank phone call about that safe i'll have our security police, the cia and the fbi on your neck so fast, you won't know what hit you. now, you said you were gonna scrap it.

[line clicks] well, that's our government. yesterday, it was valuable. today, it's obsolete. [knocking on door] come in. good morning, sir. here are the impact photos, sir. oh, good, let me see them. perfect landing. there's only one peculiar thing. yeah? what's that? we can't find the moon safe. what do you mean, you can't find it? probably buried in a dust drift. no, sir. it's not there. miss temple, the man who called about that safe. did he say where he was? yes, sir. uh, harry's scrap yard. what did you say? harry's scrap yard. harry's scrap yard?! shh. yes, sir. this is most urgent, miss temple. find the number and call him back. tell him not to touch that safe until i get there. oh, uh, excuse me.

don't let those photos out of your sight. yes, sir. so, what about harry's scrap yard? i don't know, he wants me to call. who wants you to call them? dr. bellows. dr. bellows? miss temple, did you get him? i'm looking it up. oh, dr. bellows, what about harry's scrap yard? you won't believe this, major healey. you won't believe it. but the moon safe, our moon safe, is in some place called harry's scrap yard. i gotta get there before they crush it. oh! oh, you have-- oh. oh. oh-- major-- major healey! that safe is supposed to be on the moon. i see no reason to celebrate. keep trying, miss temple. keep trying, miss temple. oh, wait for me, wait for me.

jeannie: help! i can even hear her voice. jeannie: help! jeannie? jeannie, is that you? master? well, where are you? jeannie: i am in the safe. huh? in the safe? where? [gasps] you're in here. i can't believe it. you mean, you weren't crushed? you--? you're not as big as a little cigar box? oh, master, please get me out of here. don't you worry. don't you worry, i will. make it soon, please. are you certain that safe is all right? yeah, sure. your girl called me just in time. it's right over there. jeannie, i never knew how much you meant to me until this happened. i'm never gonna let you out of my sight again. look, i-- i brought you some flowers. tony: as soon as i get you out of here, i'm gonna take you out to dinner.

a candlelight dinner? uh, well, i-- i can explain, sir. it, uh-- bellows: explain? being in love with a safe? they haven't even got a name for that one. for adults with an advanced lung cancer called "squamous non-small cell", previously treated with platinum-based chemotherapy, it's not every day something this big comes along. a chance to live longer with... opdivo, nivolumab. opdivo is the first and only immunotherapy fda approved based on a clinical trial demonstrating longer life... ...for these patients. in fact, opdivo significantly increased the chance of living longer versus chemotherapy. opdivo is different. it works with your immune system. opdivo can cause your immune system to attack normal organs and tissues in your body and affect how they work.

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just one of the many features that comes standard with our base policy. call for a free quote today. see car insurance in a whole new light. liberty mutual insurance. all right, major, are you sure you understand why i'm leaving this safe in your office? yes, sir, because i asked you to. mm. and, um... why did i agree? because you want me to realize that the safe is an inanimate object and it's silly for me to think i'm in love with it. excellent. i think we're making progress. now, just keep repeating to yourself, "it's just a safe. it's just a safe." [clears throat] it's just a safe.

shhh! ah, ah, ah. major, no backsliding. it's just a safe. just-- just a safe. jeannie, you've got to be more careful. i am sorry, master, it's just that i hate it in here. when are you going to get me out? any second now. i just sent roger to find a mr. charles fries. who is mr. charles fries? well, he's the guy who invented this thing. he's gonna open it for us. oh, master, you are brilliant! thanks, jeannie. roger: he's here, tony. ah. this is mr. charles fries. oh, boy, am i glad to see you. how do you do? yeah. there it is, beautiful. she's my masterpiece. roger: could you open it? we'd like to look inside. what classic lines. what artistry of design. yeah, well, if anybody can open this, you can, is that right? that's right, major, and i can't. what? gentlemen, when charles fries designs a safe to stay locked,

well, somebody's gotta be able to open it. of course. if you have the combination, you can open it. well, who has it? the president-- the president? --of the united states. of the united states? of the united states? [gasps] jeannie? jeannie?! green acres is the place to be farm livin' is the life for me land spreadin' out so far and wide keep manhattan, just give me that countryside new york is where i'd rather stay

i just adore a penthouse view darling, i love you, but give me park avenue the chores the stores fresh air times square you are my wife good-bye, city life green acres, we are there lisa, you ready? almost! well, hurry up. it's 8:00. mort's plane gets in in an hour. well, which one of these should i wear? i thought you were dressed. well, the underneath is done. my hair is finished, and my face is finished. if you'd just tell me which one of these should i wear-- it doesn't matter. yes, it does! i want to make a good compression on your friend.