been rk for ov - what's going on? - let's just say it involves a woman, an angry husband, and a broken barcalounger. i gotta get this guy to forget i exist. carol, what do you usually do? - come on, charley! how do you know he's really after you? - he told me if he got a hold of me he'd cut off my hands, my ears, and anything else that comes in pairs. - well, in that case, you have nothing to worry about. - life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery one by one we fill the days we find a thousand different ways sometimes the answer can be hard to find that's something i will never be i'm always here

rain or shine i'll be the one to share it all as life goes on we share it all

- dad, really, i'm fine. - honey, you've been saying that for two weeks. i just want doctor benson to take a look at you. - i'm sure it's nothing. he'll probably tell me to rest it a couple of days. - well, let's hope so. emily, whatever possessed you to go roller blading down a flight a stairs in the first place? - well, if i say because if everybody else was doing it, am i gonna hear that stupid, "jumping off a bridge" analogy again? - if everybody you know were dancing on a wet floor... - i'll be in the car! - daddy, somebody needs to talk to her about this flagrant irresponsibility. - as if it would do any good. emily is independent. she has a mind of her own. that's what makes her unique. - really? daddy? what makes me unique? - you? - yes. - ah. what makes you unique? um, well...

you have a way of... - of...? of what, daddy? of what? - you're persistent. [exhales] that's right. you are the most persistent person i've ever known. - be careful. make sure that you have ough kindling and enough bread crumbs to leave a trail. do not look him directly in the eye. or is--is that a coyote? or maybe that's a mugger. you better play it safe. do not look at anything! - carol, it's not the donner pass. i'm barely leaving the zip code. - wait, wait!

bye. what did doctor benson say? - emily tore a ligament in her knee. she's going to need surgery. - [gasps] - it's not that serious. - honey, it is serious! - dad, it feels better already! look! no cane! okay? i know myself. i listen to my body. and it's telling me there must be something else we could do besides surgery. - if you had said something sooner, there might've been an alternative, but it's too far along. - [squealing] - emily, emily, emily... there's nothing to be afraid of. surgery is so advanced today. they take mr. laser beam, just like in a science fiction movie, and then they cut a little hole in your knee, and boop! find the damaged tendon, and boop! mr. laser zaps it. that's all! - gee, could you talk down to me, carol, so i could understand what you're saying? - of course i have read about cases where they boop!

- carol! that's enough booping for now. come on, you stay right there. i'm going to give you something for the pain. - why don't you just take her with you? - hey, neighbor! we're the mckeevers, just in from toronto, ey. - hi. - daddy, is he a homeless person? - no, i'm a sculptor. - what's that? - well, i draw pictures, and then i make statues that look like them. - that's your job? - you know, honey, like you do in art class. carrie, draw a picture for the man, ey? kid's an art machine! - wonderful. - she's been doing it since she was a baby. turns them out by the dozens. you can't even see our refrigerator anymore. - great. wow! - i drew the balloons so it looks like some of them

- yeah, i know what perspective is! - i'm sorry. i'm a little on edge. back to work... - we don't want to bother you, ey. - [gasp] - he's got a body in there! - cool! let me see! - come on, honey! we're never coming to the states again! - charley, what are you doing in there? - [yawns] well, i was sleeping. - get out of there! - look, i know what you're gonna say. okay, i lied. i don't know what you're gonna say. - why are you here? - remember that husband i told you about? i saw him walking down the street with his wife on one shoulder and a crossbow on the other. saw your trunk. it was open. i jumped in! so what is this? like a forest? - okay. i came here to work, so get this straight... you are not to speak to me. you're not to look at me.

in the trunk for the ride home! - guess i'll wait till later all right, dear, go ahead. uncle buford took a turn for the better. she'll be glad to hear that. what's wrong with him? it all began in 1953? when he started eating a lot of salt. right out of the bag, huh? why am i writing this down? lurlene, dear, listen, i really have to go. give my best to buford. what's that? no, no, no, no! hi, buford. uh-huh, yeah, how are ya? still thirsty, huh?

all right. bye-bye, buford. good-bye. how annoying. - hey, dad. - hey, baby. i'm glad you're here. doctor benson just sent over your surgery schedule. - well, actually, dad, that's what i wanted to talk to you about. - come in here. in you go. get up there. get off that thing. okay, what's up? - i've got great news. i talked to my friend jolie, and she gave me the number of the orthopedic surgeon who did her brother's football knee. - wait a minute here. you think i'm gonna let somebody i don't know perform surgery on my daughter? - oh, now that's the best part, dad. i won't need surgery. - what? - see, this doctor thinks that even at this point, the right exercise program will have the same effect. only it's safer. so i'm gonna go with him instead of doctor benson. - i see, yeah... you're gonna take the recommendation of your 23-year-old friend jolie, who works at the video store, because if i remember correctly, she couldn't handle the responsibility of working at denny's?

it's not like i got doctor foley's name off a flyer somebody left on my car. he must know what he's talking about. all the professional athletes go to him. - emily, forget it. all right? if you wait too long to have this surgery, you can end up with permanent arthritis or even worse. doctor benson's your physician. that's all there is to it. - i don't think you understand. see, i didn't come here to ask your permission.

- i can't believe that she would jeopardize her health like this. - i would never do that, daddy. - yeah, i know, dear. - but in all fairness, it is easy for a parent to see one child's positives when another child's done something wrong. however, emily and i are different people. and just because you're furious at her... you furious at her, aren't you, daddy? - well, i'm not furious. there's nothing wrong with getting a second opinion. - but you are disappointed in her, aren't you? - well, she's a very bright girl. - daddy, did i mention that i'm making everybody's christmas presents by hand this year? - oh, calm down, dreyfuss, calm down! i'll take you for your walk. come on! go! 'scuse us. we gotta go. - is he gone?

- this is so stupid. - emily, you are being childish. there are better ways to assert your independence than by endangering your health. - well, harry is not keeping a very open mind about this. - listen to yourself. do you honestly think that daddy would ever do anything that wasn't in your best interest? - no, of course not, but he's gotta understand that i need to make my own decisions. - well, that's fine, as long as it's not a bad decision. - what would you do, carol? - well, i couldn't be so presumptuous as to tell you what to do. - [sighs] - but if i could be so presumptuous, i would tell you that i think you're letting your ego cloud your knee. - carol, the only thing clouding me, is my fear of surgery. mr. laser beam might have a happy face, but he's still gonna be cutting a hole in mr. knee. - emily, nobody likes surgery. but consider the consequences. - all right, all right. i'll think about it. you know, it's funny. i would've thought somebody like you

- ugh, i am! i'm petrified. hospitals can be very dangerous places. i just saw on the news yesterday that a woman went in for a simple tummy tuck, they mixed her up with another patient, and next thing she knew, they were slicing... - carol, please! - look what the little canadian girl did, ey? she painted the entire forest. see how the light filters through the trees? and look at the reflection-- - would you get that away from me! that's it! i'm finished. done! my career is over. - well, maybe carol's right. this could just be a phase you're going through. - no, i've had phases before. it's never been like this. ah, maybe i'll come up with something tomorrow. i'm just gonna unroll my sleeping bag, and try and get some rest. - uh, i got a better idea. what do you say we have something to eat? i'm starving. - you ate all my food on the way up, remember? - right. well, let's go out.

- charley, i'm not going anywhere. i just wanna close my eyes, focus my thoughts, and try and get my creative juices flowing. - excuse me. i'm afraid i'm gonna have to get my daughter's painting back. she just sold it. - excuse me? - the guy in the winnebago bought it for 800 bucks. - come on, charley, let's get out of here. - where? - anywhere. just away from little miss picasso here. - may i help you? - yes, ma'am, i'm here to see doctor foley. i called earlier. i'm doctor harry weston. - oh, you're emily's father. well, she is so delightful. some people just brighten up a room when they enter it, don't they? reminds me of my cousin danell from charlottesville. - that's it? - pardon? - aren't you going to tell me about danell's goiter

six years in a row? - my family's in real estate. besides, i wouldn't bother anybody with my personal business. - are you happy here? - why yes! - 'cause i was just checking. - i'll let the doctor know you're here. - well, thank you. - so i'm caught in between two of 'em, i try to put a move on 'em, but they've got me boxed out. - [whispers] hi. - [whispers] how you doing? - oh! you're with the lakers! - yes, sir. - oh! hi! well, god, this is nice. i'm harry weston, sorry. it was a great game last night. we're you guys talking about that shot in the forth quarter that put the game into overtime? - actually, i was talking about trying to change sneaker endorsements. that was a good game though. - hi, jack. i'll be with you in just one minute. doctor weston, i'm doctor foley.

- come on in my office. - thank you. - see you. - glad you came by. have a seat. - oh, thank you. well, i guess i should get right to the point. you see, i have a very close friend of mine who's an orthopedic surgeon-- that's doctor steve benson. - oh, doctor benson's a very talented orthopedist. - oh, you know him? well, then you probably know that in cases such as emily's, he recommends surgery? - i understand your concerns. if it were my daughter, i wouldn't want her going to someone i didn't know, undergoing some new treatment program i was unfamiliar with. - you see, we've been told that at this stage if she doesn't have the surgery, her condition could worsen. - i honestly don't think that'll occur with the program we've developed. don't get me wrong, surgery will solveauma - well, with all due respect, that's your opinion. - i'll tell you what. stay here. have a look at some of the research

- all right. - i'm gonna have a minute with jack and then maybe we can chat some more. doctor weston, i know this is a difficult decision. take your time. - can i get you something, doctor? - no thank you, dear, i'm fine. - you know, what you said out there got me thinking. i do have a story about my family. about them before. it must be something about you that brings out the story in a person. it all started with the merlo twins. the got their heads stuck in a drain pipe. - i'll see you back at the tent. - oh, you've seen too many bad '60s movies. sure bikers have a reputation for being mean,

especially their women. watch. look, i could give you some line and buy you a couple of drinks, but i'm gonna be totally honest here... i cried during the little mermaid. - that's my old lady you're talking to. - she's your mom? god, she looks great! she does step aerobics or something, huh? - my mom? it's my girlfriend, you twerp! - well, that makes more sense. - what are you? some kind of comedian? - no, but thanks. i get that a lot. what are you? a biker? - excuse me, guys. my friend didn't mean anything. and i'm really sorry if we've inconvenienced you at all, so we'll just be moving along here. - where you going? don't you wanna stay and have a drink? - we'd love to, but i'm sure that you and your girlfriend here have a big night ahead of you.

- oh, god. - it's not you, i can't tell either. - you're saying you can't tell the difference between my old lady and my momma? - no, no, never. absolutely not. - maybe you'd like to play a little pool. - yeah, a little pool, huh? [laughter] - i'm gonna die. - whatever you do, don't hurt his hands. - what? - this man happens to be a great artist, so go ahead, break his ribs, punch the side of his head in, cut 'em with a broken-- - okay! okay! they get the point! - an artist, huh? so do you do those cartoony pictures of people? - well, actually, i'm more of an abstract sculp... yeah, oh! yeah. i do those cartoony pictures of people. - could you do one of me? you know, with one of those really big heads? - yeah, sure. uh, okay. okay. whoo. what do ya wanna be doing in the picture? - huh? - like what are your hobbies? - oh, well, i like tennis.

- okay...tennis. - yeah, you see how the racket's farther away? they call that perspective. - this supposed to be me? - yes. - i like it. - he likes it! he likes it! - so do you think you could do one of me as a surfer? - sure! you'd look great on a boogie board. - yeah. - i don't believe it. i know what my next sculpture's gonna be, charley. i'm unblocked! this is great, it worked. i owe you one, man. - patrick. - yeah? - you just kissed me in front of a bar full of bikers.

- hi, emily dear. glad you're here. i'd like to have a little talk with you. - look, dad, i know what you're gonna say, and you're right. it was wrong of me not to trust you just to try to prove some stupid point. so i... - no, no, no. emily, emily...

about what help i could be all by - ll si' barbara's project was called "squirrels, don't pet them." anyway, somehow during carol's presentation, you wandered off. disaearet ur independence is to you and i respect that. - thanks. - come on. - where are we going? - well, you don't wanna be late for your first session with doctor foley. - you're kidding? what made you change your mind? - well, i went to see him. - you did? - yeah, and i really wrestled with this one, i studied both sides, and i have to admit, your doctor foley's results,

- i'm glad you liked him. - he also came highly recommended by someone i respect. - who? - you. you dodo, you. - thanks, dad. hi. i'm matt mccoy. how long have you had your car insurance? i ask because i had mine for over 20 years before i switched and saved hundreds with the aarp auto insurance program from the hartford. i was with my previous insurance for 30 years. but they could not compete with the hartford. people 50 and over could save hundreds of dollars when they switch. i had done a lot of comparison shopping. drivers save wn thhe switch to the aarp auto insurance program from the hartford. you know, it makes me wonder

[ female announcer ] 4 out of 5 aarp members who switched to the hartford from companies like allstate, state farm, angeic all get a lower te with the hartford. so, call... or go gohtotfordacom for your free quote. the hartfordov h and we really appreciate that.

get lifetime renewability and recovercare. call the hartford at... now to request your free quote. that's... or go to gohartfordauto.com today. get this free calculator just for requesting a quote. - nice depth, mad dog. ooh, watch your light source there, slash. - aw shucks. - hey, good composition, tiny. - hey, thank you. hey! if i catch you copying one more time, i'm gonna bust your head open! - charles dietz, you've been found guilty of having 65 unpaid parking tickets.

when a man m makes as much as i do-- 600 thou a y year... net. and when he spends as much time as i do on my yacht-- 125 feet... net. - mr. dietz. - judge... stu... we are both guys, even though one of us is wearing a dress. could you cut me some slack? i'm trying to score here. - wait a minute. don't i know you? - no. i've only known one talmadge in my life. this was one hot babe who could not get enough of the dietzer.

- i think i know where i've seen you before. could you turn around, pull your pants down, and run? i hereby sentence you to life imprisonment without possibility of parole. - life goes on and so doe sometimes the answer can be hard to find that's something i will never be i'm always here for anything you need rain or shine, i'll be the one

we share it all as life goes on [special effects] lisa! what took you so long? duracell quantum lasts longer in 99% of devices, [laser blasts]

she was named after me, you know? - uh, technically, she wasn't named after you. both of you were named after your mother's mother-- grandma carol. - but i was born first, so little carol was named after me. - after you, but she wasn't named after you. - i got here first. i got grandma's carol, therefore, according to the rules of genealogy, little carol got my carol. so little carol was named after me. - but, dear-- - daddy, this means a lot to me, so let's just drop it. - fine. she was named after you... were born. - [gasps] look, carol, here are some pictures of your wedding. - and there's little carol. she was my flower girl. oh, she was so cute.

- she got halfway down the aisle, when i heard this little voice say, "i'm scared. i want my mommy." - that was you, dear. [doorbell rings] - oh, she's here! she's here. little carol! carol, look at you. - hi, uncle harry. emily, how's it going? - great. - and this must be patrick. - nice to meet you. - you don't look like an artist. i was expecting somebody more tortured. - oh, give him time. he's only been dating carol a few months. - come on, come on, come on, tell us all about college. - i dropped out. i'm getting married! [both shrieking] - married? - can you believe it? - oh, that is so cool. - my little flower girl? - congratulations. - i met this great guy last semester. you're gonna love him. - carol, are you sure you're not rushing into this? - mind your own business, big carol.

about this wonderful young man you've met. - well, his name is acid. - acid? that's a good, strong name, huh? - don't blame him. his parents were "hippies." but he's totally rejected their bogus values. our wedding is gonna be real old-fashioned, with an antebellum theme. i can't believe that i, carol stover, am about to become mrs. acid publy. - sounds like every girl's dream come true. - well, i think the occasion calls for champagne. daddy, patrick, why don't you run to the store? - together? - yes, that way, we girls can have a little girl talk. - all right. come on, patrick, come on. acid--suddenly you're starting to look good. - thanks, dad. - don't push it.

- so, carol, tell. i want to hear all the details. - well, our relationship is just perfect. - oh. - perfect? - we just agree on everything. - i think someone's blocking. carol, after you two are married, you're gonna find that you have many, many differences of opinion-- many... oh, so many. - well, not necessarily. - yes, little sister, trust me on this one. i speak from experience. - no offense, carol, but it's different with us. you see, i'm gonna do all those little things you have to do to make a marriage work. - i did those things... well, most of them. what things? - well, like, i'm never gonna let him see me without my makeup. - [laughing] yes, i remember saying that. - and we're never gonna go to bed mad. - yes, i remember saying that one too.

we're gonna tell each other everything. - well, you know men, you just can't shut 'em up-- always wanting to yak about their feelings. - carol. - honey, i'm sorry. i'm very happy for you. i'm more than happy. i'm thrilled. - i'm glad you feel that way, because i want both of you to be my bridesmaids. - no way. - way. [both shrieking] - carol? - me? an actual participant? - please? it would really mean a lot to me. - of course i'll be your bridesmaid. - thank you. - oh. - you know, you're like the big sister i never had. - you want one? she's yours. consider it a wedding present. - i'm really glad you can fill in today, sharon. my regular nurse, laverne, broke her foot racing dirt bikes.

- no, no, no, no, really. i tried to tell her there's no use racing 'em. they're always gonna be faster than she is. - [laughing] - you got a great sense of humor. - [laughing] oh, well. - god, what a change of pace-- i'm killing here. all right. now, here's a cute one. a woman goes to a psychiatrist, she says, "doctor, my husband thinks he's a refrigerator." doctor says, "that's not so bad." the wifefeays, "yeah, but he sleeps with his mouth open and the light keeps me awake." - mental illness is a very serious issue. - i know, i know, i know. whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. charley, what are you doing here? - oh, remember all those parking tickets? the judge sentenced me to community service, harry. i'm doing it here at the hospital. - what?

i get to wear free clothes. i'm looking at seven floors full of babes in white, and i get to go home with all the rubber gloves i can stuff in my pocket. you guys got it made. - charley, i-i'd like to straighten you out on this, but i have sick children i have to take care of. - not going anywhere. i'm gonna mop your floor. - good. good, charley. start. - oh. [humming] done. - you must be dietz. i hear you've been here an entire shift and still haven't done a lick of work.

- the name's jack trenton. - so you're trenton. - yep. - i hear you're pretty shiftless yourself. - well, i don't like to brag, but when it comes to dodging work... i'm the best. - the problem with being the best is you're always looking over your shoulder, thinking maybe there's always gonna be somebody a little bit better, a little bit smarter, a little bit lazier. - [laughing] oh, in your dreams, pal. you know, a lot have come to this hospital. a lot have tried to do less than me, but they always end up doing an honest day's work. - i'll keep that in mind. but i won't think about it.

- that's very impressive. but i prefer... something with a little more kick. - ooh. - yeah. you think that's something? i've got cinnamon rolls browning in an incubator on the fourth floor. - well, i'd love to join you, but as you can see from my toe tag, i have a nap scheduled at the morgue. - you are good. you know something, kid? between the two of us, i'll bet we could turn this place into an h.m.o. oh, gee. you know, somebody should clean that up. - yeah, you're right. [both laughing]

- listen, why don't you run out to lunch now? i'll take care of the phones. - okay. it sure has been nice working for you. - it's nice to work with someone so, you know, upbeat. - [laughing] - now i know how regis must feel. - hi, daddy. - ah, the antidote. - daddy, can i talk to you for a minute? - of course, dear. what's on your mind? - little carol's wedding. i'm on my way to pick up my dress, but i'm having serious misgivings about being a bridesmaid. - why? you've been in a million weddings. - i just can't keep quiet and pretend that everything's gonna work out for those two kids, with their unrealistic expectations. it goes against everything i believe in. - did it ever occur to you that this isn't about you?

my regrets about my marriage, my shattered... - no, no, what i mean is the wedding day is supposed to be about the bride and what she wants. - i guess you're right. little carol is so full of hope. and while my impulse is to crush that hope like a bug... no, you're right. i won't say anything. i'll grit my teeth. i'll be a bridesmaid. i mean, really? how bad can it be? [screaming]

? - [laughing] - did i, uh, ever tell you about the time i ran with the bulls in daytona? i really like your enthusiasm, but i foresee an intimate moment in our future

- i have to go pick up some x-rays. can you watch the phones for me? - sure. oh, while you're up on the fourth floor, could you pick me up a cinnamon roll? ask to see the handelman baby. - [laughing] - bye-bye, gerard. always nice to see you. drop by again. charley. - hey, harry. what's cooking? - where's sharon? - oh, she asked me to cover for her. - what about the phones? who's on hold? - nobody. - what? hello? hello? - it's a little time-management tip i picked up from my good buddy jack trenton. - charley, this is a doctor's office. what if there was an emergency? - oh, harry-- - charley, you were sentenced to community service to learn something about responsibility. when the hell are you gonna start thinking about somebody other than yourself? i got a good mind to call that judge and tell him what you've been doing here. - oh, please, harry, don't call the judge. he hates me.

- pay attention to me. i'm warning you. you don't shape up, i am gonna call that judge, and you'll end up mopping floors in the county jail. you got that? you, cover the phones, and don't laugh. - [crying] - normally, i'd hit on you, but i'm really bummed out right now. - buenos dias. muy bonita, seorita. me llamo charley, el "doctoro" de love. have i ever told you how attracted i am to a gal who can roll her "r"s?

- y como? - nada, nada. not a thing sexy about you anymore. - como esta, seor? - oh, not so bueno. mi amigo harry really chewed my butt out today. turned my sentence into a real downer. i mean, i'm as responsible as i have to be. - y que? - i'll have the number five and a beer, please. - [sneezing] - good idea. extra cheese. and don't forget... - oh, los contracciones. los contracciones! - could you keep it down? i'm trying to order here. - doctor, doctor! [breathing heavily] - oh, no, no, i'm not a doctor. i was just coming on to you. - ay, doctor, ya viene, ya viene. - it's coming. it's coming? - si. si. it's coming. - i'm going. hasta la vista, lady.

ay, santa maria, el dolor. me muero. [breathing heavily] - hey, this philly's about to "damano"! somebody call 911. - que? - uh, call la policia. - no policia. inmigracion. no inmigracion. - hey, come back. - mira el hombre loco. perro tu eres... - i'm gonna get help. harry! - ay, no, doctor! [breathing heavily] - okay. okay. i'll stay here. i want you to lie down right here on your back. - no! - i know, i know. that's how you got into this mess. - todos los hombres del mundo son la causa de mi dolor. tu tambien. - couldn't this wait till maana? - maana? no, ya viene, ya viene. - okay, okay. i'm here. it's gonna be all right. it's gonna be okay. what do they ask for all the time? oh, boiling water. it's, um--this'll do. - ay, santa maria!

oh, my god. her a broke. - [breathing heavily] - hola. bueno. - hola. - so is the little guy okay? he's healthy, right? you checked him? you counted everything? - you bet-- ten, ten, one and two. felicidades. tiene un hijo muy saludable y lindo. - oh, gracias. - charley, you did a great job. - well, she did most the work. - no, no. i mean, i have to confess. i had my doubts, but you came through when it counted. i'm very proud of you, charles. - no big deal. just consider it community service. - so what are you gonna name the baby? i'm sorry. que nombre de nio?

- well, that's quite an honor. what do you got to say, charley? - [crying] charley? [mendelssohn's wedding march] - that was a beautiful wedding. - thanks, daddy. i did my best. you know, i really had to work through a lot of feelings on this one, but i got through it. it's over. now, where's the guy with the drinks? - come on, let's go congratulate the happy couple. - you know, i really enjoyed that. i think my favorite part was when the minister said, "do you, carol, take acid?"

you haven't even eaten yet today, have you? - you kidding? i've been starving myself for three days to fit into this lace tourniquet. - my parents wanted to give us a honeymoon in the south of france-- boring. we're going to six flags. - carol. carol, carol, carol. - carol? - carol, carol, carol. now that you've actually gone through with this, there's something i have to tell you. - come on, carol, why don't we get you something to eat? come on. - no, not yet. i need to talk to my innocent baby cousin about the harsh realities of marriage. - let's go. - carol, acid... i am going to tell you what no one had the guts to tell me.

isn't about hearts and parasols and never fighting. it's about hurt feelings and paranoid suspicions. it's about going to bed mad and staying mad for days. now, i don't want to be a downer... but for your own good, i think that you should know that... i'm gonna be sick. - okay. okay. come on, honey. come on. i'm gonna hold your head while you puke. - i love you. - this... this is what it's all about. - okay, just watch my shoes. feeling better? - yeah. do you think little carol and acid hate me? - yeah. - come on, carol, she's gonna toss the bouquet. - oh, please. not another naive ritual.

- no, no, this is for the ingenues. i'd feel silly. i couldn't poss--