( phone ringing ) ( ringing ) you ever fifure out what that thing's for? i'm trying this new screening thing. if i'm always answering the phone people think i don't have a life. my god, rodrigo never gets pinned. joey: here comes the beep. you know what to do. ( beeps ) woman: hello. i'm looking for bob. this is jade. i don't know if you're still at this number but i was just thinking about us and how great it was and i know it's been three years but i was kind of hoping we could hook up again, you know? i barely had the nerve to make this call so you know what i did? what?

i got a little drunk... and naked. bob here. ♪ so no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪ ♪ your job's a joke, you're broke ♪ ♪ your love life's d.o.a. ♪ it's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪ ♪ when it hasn't been your day ♪ your week, your month, or even your year ♪ ♪ but i'll be there for you ♪ 'cause you're there for me, too. ♪ boy we wish edmunds.com hadn't told you to start looking over your shoulder. ♪ we were gonna sneak up on ya. ya know, with our 1.4 liter turbo charged engine and our six speed automatic transmission. shhhh...

we're going hunting. it's civic season. ♪ the all-new chevrolet cruze. starting under $17,000. get used to more. ♪ [ female announcer ] pure, wholesome ingredients make new simply breads and biscuits a delicious addition to the family. simply... new from pillsbury. and these are the ones you'll love on a school night pillsbury ham and cheese crescents with just a few ingredients, you have an easy to make dinner. they're crescents for the other 364. try them tonight. so, uh... what have you been up to? oh, you know, the usual: teaching aerobics partying way too much. ( laughing ): oh, and in case you were wondering those are my legs on the new james bond poster. can you hold on a moment?

i have another call. i love her. i know. i'm back. so are we going to get together or what? um, absolutely. uh, how about tomorrow afternoon? you know central perk in the village, say five-ish? great. i'll see you then. okay. okay. having a phone has finally paid off. okay, even though you do do a good bob impression i'm thinking when she sees you tomorrow she's probably going to realize, "hey, you're not bob." i am hoping that when bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table. oh, my god. you are pure evil. okay, pure evil. horny and alone. i've done this.

yeah, yeah, everybody's here. hey, everybody, say hi to julie in new mexico. hi. hi, julie. ( sarcastically ): hi, julie. what? while ross is on the phone everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday. um... is there any chance that you're rounding up from... you know, like from, like, 20? we got the gift, the concert and the cake. do we need a cake? i know it's a little steep. yeah, whoosh! but it's ross. yeah. all right. all right? okay. i'll see you guys later. i got to go... do a thing. okay, sweetheart i'll call you later tonight. ot really going to go through with this, are you? you know, i think i might just. so, uh, what are you guys doing for dinner tonight? well, i guess i got to start saving up

for ross' birthday so i guess i'll just stay home and eat dust bunnies. can you believe how much this is going to cost? do you guys ever get the feeling that, um... chandler and those guys just don't get that we don't make as much money as they do? yes, yeah. s. they're always saying, "let's go here. let's go there." like we can afford to go here and there. yes, yes, and we always have to go someplace nice, you know? god, and it's not like we can say anything about it 'cause, like, this is a birthday thing, you know and it's for ross. for ross. for ross. ross' birthday. ross. oh, my god. hi. what? okay, i'm at work. it's an ordinary day-- you know, chop, chop, chop, saute, saute, saute. all of a sudden, leon, the manager calls me into his office. they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who got the job? if it's not you, this is a horrible story. fortunately it is me, and they made me

head of purchasing, thank you very much. oh, that's so cool. i ran into chandler and ross. they think we should go celebrate, someplace nice. oh. yeah, someplace nice. yeah. how much you think i can get for my kidney? ross: i'm telling you. you can't do this. i can never get a girl like that with conventional methods. that doesn't matter. she wanted to call bob. hey, for all we know bob is who she was meant to be with. you may be destroying two people's chance for happiness. we don't know bob. okay? we know me. we like me. please let me be happy. go over there and tell that woman the truth. all right. go.

hi. hi. ( clearing throat ) listen, i have to, um... i have to... i have to confess something. yes? whoever stood you up is a jerk. how did you...? i don't know. i just had this weird sense. but that's me. i'm weird and sensitive. tissue? ( sniffles ): thanks. no, you keep the pack. i'm all cried out today. ( laughs ) ( tapping glass ) ( clearing throat ) okay, okay. oh. here is to my sister the newly appointed head lunch chef. also in charge of purchasing.

newly appointed head lunch chef also in charge of purchasing. who has her own desk when roland's not there. monica. ( all toasting ) cheers. are we ready to order? we haven't even looked yet. when you do, let me know. i'll be over there on the edge of my seat. wow. look at these prices. yeah. these are pretty cha-ching. i know. what are these-- like famous chickens? hey, sorry i'm late. congratulations, mon. thanks. i'm not sorry i'm late. how incredible was my afternoon with jade? pretty incredible according to the message she left on my machine. hey, chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine? i had to tell her my number was your number because i couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my numberer is bob's number.

hey, tell me again. what do i do when mr. roper calls? do i dare ask? yes, i'll start with the carpaccio. then i'll have the grilled prawns. great, same for me. and for the gentleman? yeah, i'll have the thai chicken pizza. hey, look, if i get it without the nuts and leeks and stuff, is it cheaper? you'd think, wouldn't you? miss? okay. i will have the, uh... ( whispering ): side salad. ( whispering ): and what would that be on the side of? i don't know. why don't you just put it right here next to my water. okay. and for you? um... i'm going to have a cup of the cucumber soup and, um... take care. i will have the cajun catfish. anything else? how about a verse of "killing me softly"? you're going to sneeze in my fish, aren't you?

( crunching ) ross: plus tip, divided by six... okay, everyone owes 28 bucks. chandler: okay. what, um, everyone? oh. you're right. i'm sorry. thank you. monica shouldn't pay. oh... thank you. ross: so five of us is... $33.50 apiece. no. huh-uh, no way. not going to happen. whoa, whoa, prom night flashback. i'm sorry, monica. i'm really happy you got promoted but cold cucumber mush for thirty-something bucks? no! rachel just had that little salad and joey with his, like, teeny pizza! it's just... okay, pheebs. shh. shh. how about we'll each just pay for what we had, okay? it's no big deal. not for you.

all right, what's going on? okay, uh... uh, we three feel like that, uh... sometimes you guys don't get that, uh... ( clearing throat ) ( clearing throat ) we don't have as much money as you. okay. i hear you. we can talk about that. well, then... let's. well, um, i-i guess i just never think of money as an issue. 'cause you have it. that's a good point. mmm... so, um, how come you guys haven't talked about this before? 'cause it's always something, you know? like with monica's new job or ross's birthday hoopla. ross: wh-wha..?

whoa! hey! i don't want my birthday to be the source of any kind of negative... there's going to be a hoopla? no, the thing was we were going to see hootie and the blowfish. hootie and... oh, my! i-i can catch them on the radio. oh, no, now i feel bad. you want to go to the conce. no! look, hey, it's my birthday and the important thing is that we all be together. all of us. together. not at the concert. okay. yeah. thank you. thanks. yeah. so, the ebola virus-- that's got to suck, huh? hey spade! david! mind if i take a dip in your pool? that's a negative ghost rider. totorrow then? you know this whole week is tricky. 7up's new crisp, clean taste can make anyone feel ridiculously bubbly. not too shabby neighbor.

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what's in the bag? i don't know, chandler. let's take a look. uh, it's like a skit. why, it's dinner for six-- five steaks and an eggplant for phoebe.

hoo. cool. we switched meat suppliers at work and the new guys gave me the steaks. but, wait, there's more. hey, chandler, what is in that envelope? by the way, this didn't seem so dorky out in the hall. come on. why, it's six tickets to hootie and the blowfish. the blowfish. it's on us, all right? so, don't worry-- this is... our treat. so... thank you. could you be less enthused? look, it's a nice gesture. it is, but it just feels like... like? charity. charity? we're just trying to do a nice thing here. yeah, but, ross, you have to understand your nice thing makes us feel about this big. actually, it makes us feel that big. what? i don't... i don't understand.

i mean, you... it's like we can't win with you guys. yeah, i mean, if you guys feel this big maybe that's not our fault. maybe that's just... how you feel. oh... now you're telling us how we feel. okay, we never should have talked about this. all right, i'm going to pass on the concert 'cause i'm just not in a very hootie place right now. me neither. me too. guys, we bought the tickets. then you'll have extra seats, you know for all your tiaras and stuff. why did you look at me when you said that? so, i guess now we can't go. come on, you do what you want to do. we always have to do everything together? you know what? you're right. fine. fine. fine! fine. fine. all right. we're going to go.

it's not for another six hours. we're going to go then. chandler. yeah? oh, geez... oh... are you ready? yes. let me grab my jacket and tell you i had sex today. whoa, whoa, whoa. what? you... you had sex today? wow, it sounds even cooler when sebody else says it. i was awesome, okay? she was biting her lip to stop from screaming. w-wow. it's been a while, but i took that as a good sign. ( phone ringing ) still doing the screening thing? i had sex today. i never have to answer that phone again. joey: here comes the beep. you know what to do. ( beeping ) hey, bob, it's jade. i just wanted to tell you that i was really hurt

when you didn't show up the other day and, just so you know, i ended up meeting a guy. bob here. oh, hi. sosouh, you met someone, huh? yes. yes, i did. in fact, i had sex with him two hours ago. so, uh... how was he? eh. "eh"? oh, bob, he was nothing compared to you. i had to bite my lip to keep from screaming your name. well, that makes me feel so good. it was just so awkward and bumpy. ( no audio ) well, maybe he had some kind of new, uh, cool style that you're not familiar with and maybe you have to get used to it.

the really wasn't much time to get used to it if you know what i mean.

you know what? i'm not going be able to enjoy this. yeah, i know. it's my birthday. we all should be here. so, let's go. ( guitar intro ) ( applause and cheering ) well, maybe we should stay for one song. yeah. i mean, it'd be rude to them for us to leave now. the guys are probably having a great time. ♪ every time i look at you ♪ i lose my mind... come on, you guys, one more time. okay.

one. no. man: hootie and the blowfish! that was amazing! excellent! i can't believe the guys missed this. what guys? oh, yeah. excuse me. you're monica geller, aren't you? do i know you? you used to be my baby-sitter. oh, my god, little stevie fisher? how have you been? good. good. i'm a lawyer now. you can't be a lawyer. you're eight. well, listen, it was nice to see you. i got to run backstage. wait. backstage? yeah. my firm represents the band. ross. chandler. how are you? want to meet the group? yeah, we do. come on. are you one of the ones that fooled around with my dad? hey, you guys. happy birthday. oh, thank you. thanks.

how was your night last night? well, it pretty much sucked. how was yours? ours pretty much sucked too. but i did run into little stevie fisher. remember him? oh, yeah. i used to baby-sit him. hey, how's his dad? good. aside from that the whole evening was a bust. yeah, we... we really missed you guys. yeah, look, uh... we were just saying this whole thing is so stupid. we just have to really, really, really not let stuffike this about money get, like... is that a hickey? oh, no, i just... i fell down. on someone's lips? where'd you get the hickey? you know, a party or... what party? well, it wasn't a party so much as a... a gathering of people... ...with food and music and... and... and the band.

you partied with hootie and the blowfish? yes, apparently, stevie and hootie are like this. who gave you that hickey? that would be the work of a blowfish. i can't believe it. i can't believe this. we're just, like, sitting at home just trying to guess joey's fingers, and... and you guys are out like, partying and having fun and, you know, all "hey, blowfish, suck on my neck." look, don't blame us. you guys could have been there. oh, what? as part of your poor friends outreach program? ( beeping ) great. it's work. i don't know what to say. i'm sorry we make more money than you but we're not going to feel guilty about it. we work really hard for it. and we don't work hard? yeah, hi. it's monica. sometimes we like to do stuff that costs a little more. oh, and you feel like we hold you back?

yes. ( rachel gasping ) no. ( all chattering ) leon, leon, wait. shh, guys. i don't understand. those steaks were just a gift from the meat vendor. that was not a kick-back. i mean, i'll just replace them and we can forget the whole thing. what corporate policy? no... yeah. okay. i just got fired. oh! oh. why? here's your check. that'll be $4.12. let me get that. ( whispers ): you got five bucks?

you don't love me anymore do you billy? what? i didn't buy this cereal to sweet talk your taste buds it's for my heart health. so i can't have any? if you can deprive me of what can help lower my cholesterol... and live with yourself. right. mmm, i worry about your mother. cry herself to sleep every night over my arteries, but have yourself a bowl. good speech dad. [ whimper [ male announcer honey nut cheerios tastes great and its whole grain oats can help lower cholesterol.

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the life improvement store. closed captioning and other consideration for friends provided by: so i've got to take care of my heart. for me cheerios is a good place to start. [ male announcer ] to keep doing what you love, take care of your heart with cheerios. the whole grain oats can help lower cholesterol. love your heart so you can do what you love. ( ringing ) joey: here comes the beep. you know what to do. ( beeping ) jade: hi. it's me. listen, bob, i'm... i'm probably way out of line here. i mean, it has been three years and you're probably seeing someone else now but if we could just have one night together just for old time's sake-- one hot, steamy, wild night. [captioned by the caption center wgbh educational foundation]