heir legs, shave their armpits, pluck their eyebrows. then we dress them up like a bear. the only reason to wear fur would be to try sneaking up on another animal. ever see those tribal hunters wearing the fur, with the other animal's head on top of their head? i'm sure there's a moose looking at that going, "yeah, that looks good. i'm going to turn my back "on this goofball with the extra head. "nothing fishy there. "i'll just keep drinking from the stream. "i've seen lots of two-headed tigers with knees." that's why i give them carnation breakfast essentials.

it's packed with 21 vitamins and minerals and protein so kids get the nutrition they need to start the day right. carnation breakfast essentials. good nutrition from the start. carnation breakfast essentials. i'm going to have a secretary. and i get to do the interview.

it's incredible. six months ago, you were taking messages for your mother. now somebody's going to be taking messages for me. from your mother. so this woman you plan on hiring, she going to be in the "spokesmodel" category? sure. i could go the tomato route, but i've given this a lot of thought. all that frustration-- i'll never get any work done. i'm doing a complete 360. i'm going for efficiency and ability. that's a 180, george. whatever. hi, willie. i got this stuff and my mother's fur for storage. what are you doing with it? she keeps it here for when she's up from florida. hi. hi. you know my wife. yeah. that's why i said "hi." hey, nice jacket. thanks. hound's-tooth. this is a beauty. great cut. it's probably very flattering. oh, yes. it really accentuates my bustline. i type about 90 words a minute. i'm well-versed in ibm and macintosh programs.

well, miss coggins, you're obviously qualified for the job. you've all the necessary skills and experience, but you're extremely attractive. you're gorgeous. i'm looking at you, i can't even remember my name. i'm afraid this is not going to work out. you're luscious. you're ravishing. i'd give up red meat for a glimpse of you in a bra. i'm terribly sorry. my references are impeccable. i think i'd be a real asset. my only concern is, i do take care of my mother. will there be many late nights? i can't imagine. so, barney's is having this huge sale. i try this dress on-- stunning. stunning. i couldn't take my eyes off myself. yeah. then i put it on at home. it looks like i'm carrying twins. so store--hotsy-totsy, home--hotsy-notsy. yeah, exactly. i got to return it. we were going to the movies. i'll try it on again.

tell me what you think. hey, hey. hey, george. hey, elaine. i'm telling you, jerry, having a secretary is incredible. don't know why i didn't have one before. because you didn't have a job? perhaps. i walk in, everything is organized-- messages, appointments. i can't tell you how proud i am of myself for going with ada. a lesser man would have gone for the dish and the sure-fire sexual harassment suit. it's a little... all right! you answered it. you got no waist in that thing. your arms look like something hanging in a kosher deli. i said, all right. why'd you buy it? because in the mirror at barney's, i looked fabulous. this woman walking by said i looked like demí moore indecent proposal. how fast was she walking? demí? i thought it was demi.

no. i think it's demí. really? i never heard of a setractor-trailer. wait a minute. i know what's going on here. skinny mirrors! what? barney's has skinny mirrors. they make you look 10 pounds lighter. oh, you're crazy. am i? do you think i'd have bought this dress if i'd looked like this at barney's? i think she may have something. whoa. what are you all dressed up for? i'm returning this dress to barney's. good idea. do it tomorrow. we'll go to the movies. maybe you can pick me up some of this superhydrating, total-protection moisturizer with uva. moisturizer? that's girl stuff. no. tell you what-- i'll meet you there, we'll have lunch. well, we could...

we'll get to know each other. we never spend time together. sure. we have our little group here, but-- and, then, assuming the strike is resolved, on april 14th, we play the angels. let's clear a floor at the anaheim hotel. anaheim hotel. you may want to reconsider. they only have room service until 10 p.m. then it's only finger foods. ada, you're a wonder. o.k. now, i projected those figures for you regarding the switch to canola oil for stadium popcorn. it'll only cost 1/2 cent more per bag, so it's definitely doable. i have to tell you, i've never met anybody so...efficient. well, thank you. i'm flattered. you're just a marvel of organization. well, i'm just doing my job. it's like i'm thinking of something, and you're one step ahead of me. what can i say? i'm... i'm good at what i do.

do you, uh... do you know what i'm... thinking about now? yes, i think i do. is it, uh... doable? it's definitely doable. well, that was the worst. i can't believe they made the wife the killer. give me a break. give us a break. we haven't seen it yet. thanks, big mouth. you got a pen? yeah. and something to write on. i got my dry-cleaning stub. i just met uma thurman. she's giving me her telephone number. uma thurman? really? how'd you manage that? i don't have time to talk. he's got the kavorca. hey, isn't that willie, my dry cleaner? where?

he just went in. you know, i think he was wearing my hound's-tooth jacket. what would he be doing wearing your jacket? i got it. uma, uma, uma. you are amazing. yeah. all right, taxi's on me. [moaning] no. a better way to reach the bra would be to undo the jacket, then go around the back of the shirt. you're incredible. oh...oh... here, i want to show you something. hand me that pillow. what? oh, my god! mr. costanza! ada, ahh, ahh... i'm giving you a raise! so you're having sex, then you suddenly just blurt out,

"i'm giving you a raise"? yeah. quick sidebar-- are you in any way authorized to give raises? not that i'm aware of, no. you're so grateful to have sex, you'll shout out anything that comes into your head. i didn't think ahead. maybe she'll just think it was bawdy talk. i didn't say any other bawdy things. maybe you could have sex with her again and take it back. you're no help at all here. what's the point of talking to you? all right. i'm sorry. i guess the only thing i can do is to go to steinbrenner and tell him he has to give her a raise. how long's she been there? three days. it's almost a week. oh, my god. what? it's a movie stub from the 9:30 show. willie the dry cleaner's been wearing my clothes.

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even after these mirrorsinking. are skinny mirrors. this is false... reflecting. and i think that the department of... you know, whatever, would be very interested to know what's going on here. well, we're more than happy to exchange it for something else. o.k. fine. i did like that little calvin klein number right by the elevator, with the little... i'll bring it to your dressing room. o.k. thanks. what are you all dressed up for? when you're shopping on madison avenue, you don't want to skimp on the swank. i like your little bag. oh. hey, look at this. this is a superhydrating, triple-action moisturizer. hmm? huh. wait till that uma smells this uva. hey, kramer. hey, bania. what's happening? i'm looking for a suit.

can't find anything i like. that's a nice suit. well, thank you. you get that here? no. this is vintage. they don't make this stuff anymore. you're telling me. it's hard to find pants-- that don't make you look high-waisted. me, too. what size are you? uh, 42. that's what i am now. i've been working out. i'm huge. how'd you like to sell it? make me an offer. 100 bucks. surely you jest. 175. look at the stitching. this is old world craftsmanship. $300. sold. follow me into the dressing room. throw the shirt in? bania, you're killing me. hey, that's the women's dressing room. nothing there i haven't seen before. mr. steinbrenner, can i talk to you for a second?

can you talk to me? of course you can. i'm a very accessible man. great work on that canola oil. well, to be honest, my new secretary ada came up with that. ada. i like that name, george. she supports her whole family. is that a fact? her mother's in the hospital-- some kind of diverticulitis. i had that myself one time. knocked me right on my ass. she can't afford to go out to lunch. she eats in high school cafeterias. she pretends to be a teacher. what's that cost, like, 2.25? i was thinking, she could really use a raise. [telephone rings] she'd be better off making a sandwich at home and bringing it in. george, will you excuse me? psst. hey. kramer. what are you doing? i need you to get me some clothes. i just sold my suit to bania for a cool 300. so buy a new one.

what, at this place? it would destroy my profit margin. do me a favor-- call jerry. tell him to bring some clothes. hello, willie. hey, jerry. you're dropping off. no, but seen any good movies lately? you came by to ask that? yeah. specifically 9:30 show. seen any good 9:30 shows at the paragon, willie? what? i saw you stepping out with my jacket. jerry, that's a breach of the dry cleaners' code. you need a code to tell you not to wear people's clothes? i wasn't wearing your jacket. jerry, you're imagining things. yeah. am i imagining this? found that little cutie in the pocket. well, now that we understand each other, i'll be taking my business elsewhere.

i want my mother's fur coat back, too. now. now? yeah. i want that coat. well... where's the ticket? oh, kramer. you mean to tell me you don't have a ticket for the coat? no, not on me. well, i need to see that ticket. i've gotten cleaning without a ticket. but this is different. those fur storage warehouses are huge. you can't get anything without a number. all right. i'll be back. yeah, it looks good here, but what does that mean? so, uh, do you want it? i have to think about it. i need a nonpartisan mirror.

i can't thank you enough, mr. costanza. i'm so grateful. yes, well, i sat down with mr. steinbrenner, told him you have been doing great work, you deserved a raise, and if you didn't get it, that i was leaving. it was just so generous. don't worry about it. he's got plenty money. oh, i know, but 25,000... so you got a $25,000 a year raise. yes. i tell you, mr. steinbrenner-- you're making more than me. i am? a secretary cannot make more than her boss. well, apparently they can.

oh, this is insanity. i'm not this hippie. hey, what do you think of this? you'll never pull it off. why, what's going on in there? could you tell me where to find women's moisturizer lotions? this woman's been in there for over an hour. excuse me, miss. is everything o.k.? [kramer] yeah. kramer? jerry, you got my clothes? what clothes? didn't elaine call you? no. what are you doing here? what am i doing here? you're in the women's dressing room. i need that ticket stub back. oh, the stub, yeah. i left it in my pants. where are your pants? i sold them to bania. what? you sold your pants? let me in. why'd you sell your pants to bania?

i had uma's number on that stub. i lost uma's number. where are your clothes? i sold them to bania. what you were wearing? how'd you expect to get out of here? well, i didn't think ahead. this isn't going to work for me. if you could show me something else. no, because you're taking that one. i am? yes. you wore it outside. ha! that's preposterous. well, i suppose that salt stain came from all the snow in the store. shall i wrap it, or will you wear it out? no. you can wrap it. kramer, are you still in there? [jerry] elaine? jerry? elaine, where's kramer?

[kramer] bania? kramer? jerry. bania. kramer, i want my money back. your nancy-boy cream leaked all over. you're not getting any money back. jerry, come back. excuse me. uma's number's on that ticket. i need that ticket to get my mother's fur coat back. give him the money for the suit. i'm not giving him $300 for a suit with moisturizer all over it. i got an idea. i can't believe i'm going to do this. can i talk to you for a second? how's everything going? pretty good. i'm in an awkward position here. i don't want to get between you guys, but i need a dry-cleaning ticket in the pocket of those pants. tell kramer to give me my money back, and you'll get your ticket. well, uh, tell you what i will do, bania-- you give me the ticket, and i will take you out for a nice dinner.

can we go back to mendy's? i'll take you to mendy's. i want to go twice. let's be reasonable, bania. i'm taking you out for a nice dinner. that's a good deal. two mendy's. all right. just give me the ticket. here. but, mr. steinbrenner, how can i be expected to perform my job properly knowing that my subordinate is making more money than i am? with all due respect, it's out of whack. i know what it's like to be financially strapped. as a young man in cleveland, i hitchhiked to work. once, i got picked up by a bakery truck. try being cooped up in one of those babies. i couldn't look at a doughnut for two years, not that i was ever one for the sweets. sure, i like cupcakes like everybody else. i like it when they have a little cream inside. the chocolate ones are good, too.

sometimes i can't make up my mind, and i'll mix them. let me in. here. you don't know what this is costing me. all right. nice work. where's uma's number? the moisturizer smudged out the phone number. the dry-cleaning number's gone, too. it must have been the botanical extracts. give me that. hey, bania. the dinner's off. the ticket's no good. the numbers are gone. you trying to get out of mendy's? the ticket is worthless. you promised me. hey, isn't that my mother's fur coat? no, it's not. it is! give me that back. what are you talking about? you can't have that. it's not yours.

you think the dry cleaners is your personal closet? donna, can you get this salt stain out? piece of cake. bring it in. what size is it? vo: it's back. one dollar flip flops. one day only. it's going to be flipping amazing. this saturday only at old navy. yeah, you betcha, honey. ahh, you think so? [ female announcer ] some mornings you just can't eat at the table. eggo® wafflers are packed with flavors like brown sugar cinnamon roll, so you don't need syrup. eggo® wafflers. simply delicious™.

but this keeps it going. ♪ [ male announcer ] new gold bond powder spray. cool, dry, no mess. stay cool with gold bond. mmm. this soupry, no mess. is great. yeah, it's very good. i told you mendy's had the best pea soup. are you enjoying it? yeah. i'm having a wonderful time. wait till you try the swordfish. i was thinking, for our next meal, should we come here or go someplace else? it has its pros and cons.

here you're guaranteed a great meal. on the other hand-- yeah, yeah. i know. this would be good, but the same. someplace else would be different, but maybe not as good. it's a gamble. i get it. yeah. well, let's hurry and get out. i'm meeting a woman for a drink. who might that be? some woman named uma. i got her number off that ticket before it smudged. hope she's good-looking. captioning made possible by columbia tristar domestic television

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