car >> 10 seconds! [ indistinct conversations ] [ light laughter ] 5 seconds!! [ laughter ] >> [ french accent ] and so that is why i feel so strongly about you. waiter [ footsteps approaching ] >> yeah, hold it. . yor said -- >> garrett, we're on the air now. >> yeah, i know, man, but -- >> this is the opening. >> i know. richard pryor's here tonight, and i thought that i would open the show -- you know what i mean? -- do the fall. >> wait a minute. i always open the show. is it understood? >> yeah, yeah, hey, look -- >> i do the fall. and i say, "live from new york, it's 'saturday night.'" it's my trademark. >> look, chevy, richard told me to open the show. >> it's not richard's show. richard's just the guest host.

[ mumbles indistinctly ] >> [ chuckles ] richard and what army, fella? >> [ chuckles ] hey, man, look. [ mumbles indistinctly ] >> that army? >> uh-huh. >> it's all right. do the fall. >> i'm gonna do the fall now. hey, hey, dig the fall, man. something like that, you know. live from new -- >> garrett! stand up a minute. stand up. so when you say, "live from new york, it's 'saturday night,'" it looks like you just killed yourself, and they say, "geez, what a great fall. the guy really hurt himself, and then he's all right." that's the point, okay? >> let me try it again. >> i'll do one for you, all right? >> all right, you do one. >> and i'll do the line. >> we don't have much time, man. hurry up. >> watch, all right? >> hurry up, man. >> i want you to understand how this is done. danny, you want to start it? >> and that is why i feel so strongly about you.

>> uh, live from new york, it's "saturday night"! [ cheers and applause ] [ band plays ] >> announcer: nbc's "saturday night"... starring... ...with...

players... ...and... ladies and gentlemen, richard pryor! [ cheers and applause ] ? >> how you doing? thank you very much for coming here to new york. [ laughter ] uh, hope i'm funny. i'd like to dedicate this show to miles davis, my friend, who's in the hospital, sick. but he's cool. miles always gets women, though, 'cause he talks so cool. you know, miles be... [ scratchy voice ] "what's happening?" [ normal voice ] i get women, too.

them. and women always leave me, man. i don't mind them leaving, but they tell you why. [ laughter ] you know what i mean? just leave. don't tell me why. 'cause there ain't nothing you can do but stand there and look silly, right? you be... [ laughter ] and the madder you get, women get cool when you get mad. "well, go on and get out, then!" "i'm leaving." "i don't ever want to see you again!" "don't worry, you sh [ laughter ] drive you to drink, jack, you know? i tried drinking for a while, but i used to go into bars and check out the people that were drinking, and they weren't happy and they get beat up a lot. no, drunks, they start out cool. brother be cool at first, and he going, "give me a scotch and soda, please," real cool. about a hour later... [ slurring ] "what?! what you mean, i'm drunk? huh? i wasn't drunk when i came in here. and i ain't gonna leave till i'm

uh, bartender! are you the bartender? give everybody in here something. give them a beer and 20 straws. ha ha! whoo-oo! [ laughter and applause ] [ muttering ] hey! huh? what you looking at, bitch? what? no, i don't know what time it is. it's time for you to stop messing with me. that's what time it is. i know i'm ugly, but i don't look like no clock. [ laughter and applause ] that's right, baby. what? what are you worried about? you the bartender. if i say something to this piece of wood, then you say something. otherwise, you can freeze on your thing, baby. you know 'cause i'll bust you apart.

whoo-oo! what you want, big ol' dude? apologize to who? for what? i don't care if she your ma-- hey, man! wait a minute, man, baby! i'm just kidding, man. what you doing? you done kicked me in the ass, baby! you in a world of trouble now! no, don't hold him. let him go, baby. come on, you want some of me? wait a minute, man. i'm only kidding, you know." [ imitates vomiting ] [ cheers and applause ] [ normal voice ] that's why... that's why i don't drink so much... or take acid, either. white dudes take acid. they do. they take acid and go see

once at a party, too, jack. and i thought i was crazy before i took it. it saned me right up. dude say, "this is far out." i said, "what?" he says, "it's far out." i took it, jack. "you're gonna be tripping." [ chuckles ] about 20 minutes later, i was at the party, you know. "hey, blood, what's happening, homey? all right, yeah. you know what i mean? la everything is cool. white dude gave me some stuff, talking about i'm gonna be tripping! you know, i ain't going no place without my luggage. [ laughs ] believe that." [ laughter and applause ]

whaaaaaaaaaa-awwwwww-aaaaahhhh- ohhhhhh! uh-oh. [ slowly ] i've got to get out of here. [ laughter and applause ] whaaaa-ohhhh! i don't remember how to breathe! i can't breathe! 1, 2, 3. ain't nothing happening, man!" "i told you it was far out!" "i'm gonna die! i don't even know who i am. i'm gonna die! i'm gonna die! i'm gonna die! i'm gonna die! whoa, yeah! i'm gonna die! whoa, yeah! i'm gonna die! whoa, yeah! ? i'm gonna die ? ? i'm gonna die-die-die-die ?

? i'm gonna die ? [ shouts indistinctly ] [ chanting ] hey, hey, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! [ slowly ] what in the world is happening to me?" [ cheers and applause ] [?diggy? by spencer ludwig]

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>> announcer: and now another edition of "samurai hotel." [ gong bangs ] >> [ mumbling, shouting indistinctly in foreign language ] >> hey, uh... excuse me? excuse me. i'd like a room for the night, please. >> [ speaking foreign language ] >> actually, i'll be staying through till probably tuesday. >> [ speaking foreign language ] oh. oh. oh. oh. ohh! >> do you have a king-size bed, one with a king-size bed?

[ chuckles ] [ speaking foreign language ] >> if i could just perhaps get a room with, uh -- you know what i'd like? a room overlooking the park. are the rates high for that? >> aah! [ speaking foreign language ] ay! ay. [ speaking foreign language ] >> do you have room service? room service. >> [ speaking foreign language ] >> that's fine. >> [ speaking foreign language ] >> what's your check-out time? >> [ speaking foreign language ]

[ speaking native language ] ay! >> could you get a bellboy to get my bags, please, carry my bags up? thank you. >> [ speaking foreign language ] >> thank you. [ bell dings ] >> [ speaking foreign language ] >> [ speaking foreign language ] >> [ speaking foreign language ] >> [ speaking foreign language ] >> [ speaking foreign language ] >> [ speaking foreign language ] >> [ speaking foreign language ] >> [ speaking foreign language ] >> [ speakinre [ growling ] >> fellas? which one of you is gonna carry my bags upstairs? >> both: aah!

>> unh! unh-unh. unh-unh-unh-unh. [ speaking foreign language ] hyah! >> aah! >> [ speaking foreign language ] your mama-san! >> my mama-san? >> [ grunts ] >> aaaah! >> well, i can dig where you'r actually, i'll take them, man. >> all right, now, ma'am, please do not be frightened. now, the suspects cannot see you. can you identify the man who

>> well, i -- i couldn't see him too clearly, but i'm sure it's the one in the handcuffs. >> okay, we'll take care of him. >> all right, mr. wilson, you've done just fine on the rorschach. your papers are in good order. the file's fine. no difficulty with your motor skills. and i think you're probably pretty ready for this job. we got one more kind of here. it's just a word association. i'll throw you out a few words. anything that comes to your mind, just throw back at me, okay, just kind of an arbitrary thing. like, if i said, "dog", you'd say... >> tree. >> tree. dog. >> tree. >> fast. >> slow? >> rain. >> snow. >> white. >> black. >> bean.

>> negro. >> whitey. >> tar baby. >> what'd you say? >> tar baby. >> ofay. >> colored. >> redneck. >> jungle bunny. >> burr head. >> cracker! >> spear chucker. >> white trash! >> jungle bunny! >> honky!?u >> spade! >> honky honky! >> nigger!

>> okay, mr. wilson, uh... i think you're qualified for this job. uh, how about a starting salary of $5,000? >> your mama! >> uh, $7,500 a year? >> your grandmama! >> $15,000, mr. wilson. you'll be the highest-paid janitor in america. just don't -- don't hurt me, please. >> okay. >> okay. w >> oh, no, no, that's all right. i'll clean all this up. take a couple of weeks off. you look tired. y! you're the- - i used to ask if you could hear me now, but i switched to sprint! i switched too! great! have you seen all the whining from verizon? i think verizon, the goliath, is panicking. people are switching to sprint! all these networks are great now, people are tired of overpaying. sprint cut my rates by 50%!

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[ piano plays soft music ] >> good evening. welcome to "looks at books." i'm your host, jane curtin. our guest tonight is the author of several books on race in america. and he's here to talk about his latest book, "white like me." welcome, won't you, junior griffin. junior, why don't you begin by describing the ordeal behind your book? >> well, i decided that the only way to understand a white man's problems was actually to become

live like a white man in a white man's world, you know? >> and, uh, how did you accomplish this? >> uh, shoe polish. >> here's a copy of the book with a picture of junior as a white man. junior, what did it feel like to suddenly be white? >> well, you know, it was spooky. um, i was walking around with the credit cards bulging out of my walleou and i'd apply for jobs, get accepted 8 out of 10 times, you know? and things i never dreamt of was happening to me, you know? it was really something else. >> you know, i don't want to offend you, junior, but i don't think i would believe you were white even with shoe polish. did any other white folks catch on to your game? >> not a one. there's some dumb honkies out there. you know? they didn't catch on a bit, because i got into it, you know? i became a white person and got a white attitude. you know what i mean?

for us? >> well, if you don't mind. but, see, there's a certain white walk that you have to have, you know, and a certain white talk. i mean, you can't just be like this, you know what i mean? you got to get down and say things like, "excuse me? would you move out of my way?" and you walk like this. check this walk. >> you got me. [ laughs ] works in progress? >> well, i'm working on a new book. it's from the perspective of a white jewish american princess. >> that's going to be very difficult. >> it's gonna be tricky, all right. you know, i'm gonna have to have a sex-change operation, and i'm gonna marry a doctor. >> well, we'll talk more about that later. >> get a couple kids, probably. >> thank you very much, junior, for being on this show, and we'll be right back after this filmed message. >> i don't be jivin' with my

[ violin plays soft music ] >> honey, i'm home! >> daddy! >> hey, pal! [ laughs ] how you doing? >> you have a lovely home, a good job, solid investments, a wonderful family -- everything you need for the future... or is it? the picture? should tragedy strike, what woul sure, you've provided for them financially, but what about their emotional and physical needs? [ door opens, closes ] >> honey, i'm home! >> daddy! >> yes, it's "new dad" -- - a radically new concept in family insurance coverage. within seconds after "old dad" is out, we'll have "new dad" there to take his place. is your family completely

why not call your local independent insurance agent today and ask him about our "new dad" policy before it's too late. that's "new dad" -- the only insurance that covers all of their needs. "new dad" -- tops in pops. [ indistinct conversations ] >> okay, now, ma'am, which man is the one who allegedly robbed your liquor store? >> uh, that's him, the one with the mustache. >> okay, we'll take care of him, then. [ doorbell rings ] [ theme from "the exorcist"

>> fathers, i'm so glad you could come. excuse the stain on the rug. >> yes. that's quite all right, my child. have faith. this is brother karras. >> how do you do? >> i'm father karras. >> [ demonic voice ] merrin. >> where's your faith, father? >> it -- it's in the car. i'm gonna get it. >> where is she? >> she did that to you? oh. [ wind whistling ] >> [ moaning, growling ] [ continues growling ] >> i command you, demon... demon, be gone!

you see, i told you we had nothing to worry about. >> nothing to worry about. >> let's talk to the child. >> yes, you talk to her. >> [ exhales deeply ] >> [ shudders ] aah! did you do that, little girl? >> la, la, la, la, la, la, la. anything she has to say. >> i'm not listening. >> you're a liar and a cheat and a child molester. you french-kiss your dog in the mouth! >> did you hear that? aah, aah! >> the bed -- stop the bed! >> stop the bed! >> the bed must be on the floor. >> both: the bed must be on the floor! the bed must be on the floor! the bed must be on the floor!

the bed is on my foot! >> [ speaking latin ] >> the bed is on my foot! the bed is on my foot! oh, father, the bed is on my foot! >> you must continue, father. >> oh! >> i must rest. >> you must rest?! the bed is on my foot! >> [ child's voice ] oh, oh, father karras, i'm ever so hungry. couldn't you give me some pea soup? it's right over there. >> the bed is on my foot! >> oh, jeepers, i'm sorry. >> [ whimpers ] oh, thank you, little girl, thank you. whew! you're such a nice little girl. i knew it all the time. >> oh, thank you. >> here's your pea soup. maybe now we can be friends,

>> [ demonic voice ] sucker! [ child's voice ] oh, oh, father karras, i'm ever so sorry. let's make up. here, have a flower. >> oh, what a sweet gesture. you're a sweet little girl. >> [ growls ] [ demonic voice ] jive turkey! >> i have faith. i have faith. you're such a little girl. >> your mother eats kitty litter! >> say what? >> your mama eats kitty litter! >> don't nobody talk about my mama!

>> what are you doing?! >> i'm trying to kill her! >> she's just an innocent! >> talking about my mama! >> [ child's voice ] oh, father, thank goodness you're here. he was hurting me. >> yes. >> i'm gonna kill you if you say something else about my mama! >> she's such an innocent child. >> [ demonic voice ] your mother sews socks that smell! >> what did you say, little girl? >> your mama sews socks that smell! [ choking ] >> father, father, father! please, father! let me help you! >> [ choking ] [ theme from "the exorcist" plays ] ? ?

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>> announcer: and now "weekend update" with

>> no. i love it when you make noise. re i got to go, hon. good evening. i'm chevy chase, and you're not. our top story tonight -- generalissimo francisco franco is still dead. in an impressive show of party strength and unity, all 11 announced democratic candidates for the presidential nomination campaign managers to discuss strategy this weekend. secretary of state henry kissinger stated today that he is tired of using his silly accent in public and will speak in english. this will in no way affect the content of what he has been saying. also on the campaign trail, ronald reagan stated that it certainly doesn't seem asinine to him that an american president could once have starred in a movie called

the cia has admitted that it attempted to assassinate cuban leader fidel castro by actually infiltrating his beard with very small commandos and setting it on fire. william colby, however, says that the story is a ridiculous lie and that the army has not as yet even perfected the tiny flamethrowers needed for the job. in spite of recent allegations of rampant homosexual activity in the professional sports world, from hockey to harness racing, many team ne executives deny the existence of such practices. commissioner of baseball bowie kuhn and nfl head pete rozelle could not be reached for comment this weekend in the bridal suite at the americana hotel. in a related story, the president of the gay activists alliance declined comment on reports of widespread homosexuality within his organization. in a speech to the athens,

contender george wallace said, "i don't judge a man according to the color of his skin. i judge him according to how well you can see him in the dark when he smiles." at a press conference this afternoon, president ford demonstrated how he learned to remove food from his mouth with shhopsticks on his recent visit to china. toy boat. one first family member who didn't go, jack ford, the president's son, received a picture postcard from his father the card read simply, "having a wonderful time. where am i?" well, celebrities sonny and cher have teamed up again to do another tragedy variety show. cher now says her marriage to rock star gregg allman was all a harmless joke and that she and sonny still love each other deeply for at least two seasons. a tentative possible title for the show is "the price is right." the air traffic controllers benevolent association today

a twa and united airlines jet was simply an attempt at a merger of the two airlines. old snake eyes is back. j. edgar hoover, former fbi chief, is the subject of next week's time magazine cover story entitled, "the truth of j. edgar hoover." it's the first one-page edition in the magazine's history. well, it is rumored that the pope will fly to sunny southern california to visit with former president nixon and exchange gifts. still to come, secret service agents train for gerald ford's vail, colorado, ski vacation, after this filmed message. little dakota's nose was quivering in fear. because it knew an ordinary tissue was near. the fiery tissue left her nose sore and red. so dad slayed the problem with puffs plus lotion, instead. puffs have pillowy softness for dakota's tender nose.

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against busting schoolchildren. busting schoolchildren is a terrible, terrible thing. i hear this is going on all over the country. mean policemen arrest little children and put them in jail in the wrong neighborhoods, so they can't even play with their little friends. imagine, busting schoolchildren! the food in jail isn't good, and

there, the tiny tears? and you can get -- where will they put their toys away? >> miss litella? excuse me, miss litella? >> yes? >> i'm sorry. the editorial was on busing schoolchildren -- busing. busing. >> oh. >> not busting. >> i'm sorry. never mind. >> [ clears throat ] week when syria formally protested the charity's new christmas card, which says in 10 different languages, "let's kill the arabs and take their oil." spiro agnew's eagerly awaited first novel, entitled "let's put the 'vice' back into the vice presidency," will be published next spring by dreadnaught press. the work will bypass the traditional hardcover and paperback editions and will go directly to an edition printed

frank sinatra celebrated his 60th birthday this week with a party aboard his luxury yacht, the s.s. hoboken. one humorous note -- a minor accident occurred when the yacht struck an autograph seeker who was swimming toward it. always the joker, ol' blue eyes chuckled later, "well, i guess it's simply another case of the ship hitting the fan." no damage to the yacht. the swimmer was killed instantly. and now as a public service to those of our viewers who have will repeat the top story of the day, aided by the headmaster of the new york school for the hard-of-hearing, garrett morris. our top story tonight... >> [ shouting ] our top story tonight... >> ...generalissimo francisco franco is still dead. >> ...generalisso francisco franco is still dead! >> good night and have a pleasant tomorrow. >> good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow!

>> the pictures -- the pictures that you saw on the tv between the commercials -- that's my family. that's my grandmother -- the last one. yeah. [ applause ] i didn't want you to think i was selling my family or nothing, you know. grandmother raised me. used to send me to church and stuff so i'd be good. but i liked to hang with the winos -- i did -- 'cause winos know jesus personally -- very religious. every wino -- you ask 'em, "where's jesus?" [ slurringje projects!" [ laughter ] [ normal voice ] and i'd stand around watching them direct traffic early sunday morning. winos are great at directing traffic, you know? kind of like... [ whistles ] [ slurring ] "hey, fool! you better slow that car down! don't come driving down through here like you crazy! this a neighborhood! this ain't no residential district! you could have killed that sign,

i'll put a hurting on you, boy, you mess with me. i don't -- damn! i like 'em low, but, oh, man." [ gulping ] [ laughter ] "whoo! buddy, buddy! ? wah wah wah wah wah ? ? wah wah-wah wah wah wah ? ? jesus on my mind ?" [ laughter ] [ blowing ] [ laughter ] "i ain't good as i used to be, you know? now, look at him. look at that boy over there, standin' in the middle of the street. the boy's a stoned junkie. look at him. used to be a genius. used to book the numbers. didn't need paper or pencil.

is. [ whistles ] hey, junebug! get out the street, boy! nigger, you ain't no stop sign! get out the street! junior!" [ laughter ] [ dazed ] "what's happening?! hey! what's happening? i know something happening, 'cause everything movin'. you got anything? i feel bad enough to drink some milk." [ slurring ] "yeah, i got something for ya, boy! come on out there in the street. that narcotic done made you null and void. come here, boy. come here. nasty, stinkin' devil, you. why don't you get a job, boy, go to work?" [ dazed ] "get a job? go to work?

when i was in the joint. i did a nickel, baby. and i can work my tail off, man, pressin' license plates. that's right. but where are niggers gonna get a job out here pressin' license plates? huh? i went to the unemployment bureau. dig it, baby." [ cheers and applause ] "was i through? i walked to the unemployment bureau, walked downtown -- clean, you know what i mean? walked up to the lady sittin' in there with an old tiara on her head, typing -- 'tip tip tip tip tip.' i said, 'hey!' she said, 'ooh, ooh!' i said, 'hey! what's happening?' she looked at my paper. 'you got a criminal record.' i said, 'i know that!

tell me something i don't know, like where i'm gonna get a job pressin' license plates.' i slapped the you-know-what. [ chuckles ] she got all upset. 'ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh! don't hurt me! don't hurt me!' 'i ain't gonna hurt you. be cool, old lady, you know?' i ain't gonna take no bust for no old lady. [ chuckles ] old nigger with a gun down there come up, 'hey, what's the trouble, buddy? come on, what's going on? what's the trouble?' 'hey, you the trouble, tex! who you supposed to be -- jesse james?' it made me sick, man. i threw up on the floor. he talking 'bout, 'clean it up, man, clean it up.' 'i ain't cleanin' no nothing. if i wanted it, i'd have kept it.'" [ laughter ] [ applause ] "but i'm hurtin', baby, you know? i went home, you know? mama called me a dog.

daddy say he don't want to see me in the vicinity... just 'cause i stole his television. wasn't nothing on it." [ laughter ] [ applause ] "can you help me out, old dude? please? i'm sick, man. ? help me make it through the night ?" [ slurring ] "i'm gonna help you, boy, 'cause i believe you got potential. that's right. you can be somebody 'cause you're sharp. you know what i mean? try some of that. don't you drop it, nigger! put -- put -- hey. slow down. just take a sip. go ahead. you know something about football, don't you? pass it!" [ laughter and applause ] "man. you know what your problem is, junior? you don't know how to deal with

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>> here's a man i wanted on the show and his organization. his latest album, ladies and gentlemen, mr. gil scott-heron. [ cheers and applause ] >> we'd like to do a tune for the brothers and sisters in south africa called "johannesburg." and when we say, "what's the word?" we'd like to have y'all help us out, saying "johannesburg." let's go. [ piano plays ] ha! hmm.

? i said, what's the word? ? ? and tell me, brother, have you heard from johannesburg? ? hah. ? they tell me that our brothers over there are defyin' the man ? hah. ? and we don't know fore, because the news we get is unreliable, man ? ? yes, i -- i hate it when the blood starts flowin' ? ? but i'm glad to see resistance growin'? ? somebody tell me, what's the word? ? ? tell me, brother, have you heard from johannesburg? ? hah. man! ? and i know that they're

? and that ain't gonna free me ? ? yeah, but we've all got to be strugglin' ? ? if we want to be free ? ? and don't you want to be free, free? ? ? somebody, yeah ? [ instrumental music plays ] ha. [ instrumental music plays ] ha. ha. ? yeah, now ? ? sometimes distance brings misunderstanding ? ? yeah, but deep in my heart, i'm demanding ? ? somebody tell me, what's the word? ? >> ? johannesburg ? >> ? what's the word? ? >> ? johannesburg ? >> ? what's the word? ? >> ? johannesburg ? >> ? what's the word? ? >> ? johannesburg ? >> ? get it from the drum ? >> ? johannesburg ? >> ? say, haven't you heard? ? >> ? johannesburg ?

>> ? somebody tell me what's happening in johannesburg ? ? if l.a. like johannesburg ? ? if new york like johannesburg ? ? freedom ain't nothing but a word ? ? and i said, what's the word? ? >> ? johannesburg ? >> ? say, what's the word? ? >> ? johannesburg ? >> ? say, haven't you heard? ? >> ? johannesburg ? >> ? and somebody tell me what's happening in johannesburg ? ? if philadelphia like johannesburg ? ? if detroit's like johannesburg ? ? freedom ain't not b hah. ? now, let me see your i.d. ? ? let me see your i.d. ? ? prove you're you instead of me ? ? johannesburg ? ? so what's the -- ? right here, brothers. ? yeah ? [ music fades ]

>> if you didn't watch the show, we hope you made love. thank you and good night. >> good night. [ applause ] [ band plays ] >> announcer: the muppets are frank oz, jerry nelson, alice tweedy, richard hunt, and jim henson. also featured in tonight's cast -- kathy mckey and tom schiller. this is don pardo saying, "who do i have to shake hands with to good night. all across the country-- many republicans pulling their support of donald trump and even calling on him to step aside. >> it's entirely new territory. >> a political expert weighs in on the potential impact on the upcoming election. wild life can be a big hazard, especially out on mountain roads.

reduction in animal/vehicle collisions. >> >. the unique way safety is being improved in grand county. a marine missing in action for decades received a proper burial in denver. a colorado woman comes back with a silver medal in the paralympics. >> he's not fit to be the united states. >> i can't look my daughter in president of the united states. republicans are pulling support for donald trump, some are going even further, and calling on trump to step aside. all of this comes one day after a tape from 2005 was released in which trump is talking in a lewd way about women.