wi-fi? yup...it's the best thing ever! cool.... cruze. from chevrolet... the first and only car company to bring built-in 4g lte wi-fi to cars, trucks and crossovers. dude well, clearasils fast. yeah but is it.... this fast? faster! how about this fast? clearasils faster wow this fast? faster. fix breakouts fast with clearasil ultra. it starts working instantly sending the max amount of medicinde allowed, deep into your pores. for visible clearer skin in as little as 12 hours. up your game fast with clearasil ultra. and to fight face, chest and back breakouts, try new clearasil ultra face and body lotion. don't blame him. instead, rely on frontline plus. it kills adult fleas and ticks, plus flea eggs and larvae, destroying future generations.

ask your vet about frontline plus. >> welcome back to "comics unleashed." you enjoy eating out? >> i do.

but i have a problem with stupid people eating stupid food. now buy any two medium one topping pizzas, get an order of mar cheesy bread with marinara sauce. that's pizza. amazing that america's favorite side dish to pizza is pizza. recon figure. we do it with snicker's. grab a snicker's. need some energy? grab a snicker's. it's like awesome because nothing gets me going before a race like nugget. i could really go for whipped eggs and sugar. den teen ice, the gum with the hard candy shell. i saw a commercial. dentine ice is coming out of its shell. introducing new dentine ice soft

chews. you mean gum? >> what kind of girls do you like? >> i like all kinds of girls. big, small, sleeping. who hasn't. i used to get mad and get up in our face and say pull! and watch her eyes. that's my favorite joke. i would like to date these skinny girls, like making

love to a pan of pickup sticks. i need a girl that has some bones in her. kind of girl that would just snatch a goat off a bridge if she had to. gets into some thing, you know what i'm saying? these skinny girls don't do it for me. >> i have a girlfriend who has a speech impediment. she does this a lot. >> if she can cook can, i will take her, man. i'm serious. a lot of woman don't cook anymore, man. that's true. look it up. is that a hunger clap? you see that hunger clap? here's my thoughts, ladies. if god didn't want you to cook, then why did he naturally put milk and eggs in your body?

ingredients! >> what did you do before comedy? >> i had a lot of day jobs. i had a boss from hell. he made it mandatory that we decorate the cubeles in our office. it's called cubicle culture. some of the men will never know the touch of a woman. they have star wars action figures. don't touch them. don't compromise the integrity of the packaging. cool, chill out. relax. >> lonely white women love kathy comics. my boss, who in all fairness was

a larger woman. she took off her jacket the other day and i was looking at the label on it, and it said dres barn. but my boss tammy, she has wind chimes. i work indoors, the only time these wind chimes ever made any noise is when she would sit down and the negative space around her would implode, creating this whirlwind gust through the office. every day at around 1:30, you hear that woosh, ting-a-ling-a-ling. tammy is back from lunch. don't turn on the ac, you mix that with cold air, we'll have a tropical storm on our hands. >> i took my wife to vegas with me and we had to go somewhere. she took me to the hoover dam.

i had never been there before because it's a dam. and we're in vegas. why are we leaving the strip? i don't get that. but she was right, incredible structure, built on the colorado river. the state line of colorado and arizona goes right down the middle. if you laid out the concrete would build a two lane highway from new york to san francisco. and as i looked at i, i was in awe of the determination of the human spirit then i turned around and saw a guy behind me going i'm in nevada! i'm in arizona. i'm in nevada! i'm in arizona. >> we're going to take a break. be right back. chili special? i've got 3-alarm heartburn... rolaids gives you rapid relief of heartburn and neutralizes 44% more acid than tums.

attaboy! rolaids, that's how you spell relief.

>> welcome back. what doo you do on the road? >> just thinking.

i want to start an emergency rescue service called rescue 91. our motto will be you really can't help but call us first. >> you're promoting racial harmony? >> yes. it's a highly involvedlied by doe. a super sized sexual to me it would be like whining at the ice cream store. i'll take whatever you give me. chocolate? bring it on. german? sure.

>> i think the mixed race people are the most beautiful people on the planet. i know that's a fact. because every time i see a mixed race child i want to run right out, find myself an african queen and have a baby but my wife won't let me. because that woman is racist. that's what it is. >> she's not racist. she won't let me sleep with anybody else. she's micromanaging this area down here. she won't even let me have a threesome. it's not even cheating. we're both there. why would you have a threesome? i said look, i'm trying to cut

your workload in half. i'm outsourcing to improve our efficiency. either evolve or die. hey, what did you do that for, man? look, right between the toes. >> all right. a soaring jet. come on, pull up now, pull up now! >> do you think people are getting dumber? >> yeah. i don't think it's necessarily

their fault because we're not going by the laws of nature. like cause and effect. for the longest time we went by cause and effect. and stupid people would die cause they're stupid. and the effect was a more enlightened society because people would watch and say don't do that. then people were like, that's not enough. we have to put up sieps. then the signs are not enough. we have to dumb the signs down. the signs don't even say walk anymore. it's a picture of a guy walking. you can't dumb that down anymore without physically walking that guy across the street. there's a sign that used to say merge. now it has cars merger. which is a good thing, otherwise that ditch would be full. i don't have a problem with a full ditch. take the signs down. we don't need a warning on gasoline telling people it's harmful if it's ingested. let them drink it. i want to build a gas station

and have it look like jonestown. just stepping over dead bodies. another one. well, whatever will keep the price down. i put a plastic cup dispenser right next to the tank with a sign that says take one. well, it doesn't say take one, but it has a picture of a guy taking one. >> we'll take a break. we'll be right back. is known fs grapes and so is my family. over three generations have taught us about growing the best tasting fruit. our grapes ripen on the vine so that the flavors can fully develop. and only the most experienced hands harvest them to bring quality fruit to your table. that's why we work with walmart... ... together we guarantee you only get the freshest grapes available. backed by their 100% money-back guarantee. picked by farmers. guaranteed by us.

♪ it's about getting to the finish line. in life, it's how you get there that matters most. it's important to know the difference. like when i found out i had a blood clot in my leg. my doctor said that it could travel to my lungs and become an even bigger problem. and that i had to take action. so he talked to me about xarelto®. [ male announcer ] xarelto® is the first oral prescription blood thinner proven to treat and help prevent dvt and pe that doesn't require regular blood monitoring or changes to your diet. [ brian ] for a prior dvt i took warfarin, which required routine blood testing and dietary restrictions. not this time. ♪ while i was taking xarelto®, i still had to stop racing, but i didn't have to deal with that blood monitoring routine.

♪ you made great time. i found another way. [ male announcer ] don't stop taking xarelto®, rivaroxaban, unless your doctor tells you to. while taking xarelto®, you may bruise more easily and it may take longer for bleeding to stop. xarelto® may increase your risk of bleeding if you take certain medicines. xarelto® can cause serious bleeding, and in rare cases, may be fatal. get help right away if you develop unexpected bleeding, unusual bruising, or tingling. if you have had spinal anesthesia while on xarelto®, watch for back pain or any nerve or muscle related signs or symptoms. do not take xarelto® if you have an artificial heart valve or abnormal bleeding. tell your doctor before all planned medical or dental procedures. before starting xarelto®, tell your doctor about any conditions such as kidney, liver, or bleeding problems. xarelto® is proven to reduce the risk of dvt and pe. with xarelto® there is no regular blood monitoring and no known dietary restrictions. treatment with xarelto® was the right move for me. [ male announcer ] ask your doctor about xarelto® today.

for more information including savings options, download the xarelto® patient center app, call 1-888-xarelto, or visit teamxarelto.com. download the xarelto® patient center app, what we eat and drink can stain our teeth. new colgate total lasting white mouthwash strengthens teeth... and has an invisible shield that helps block stains like this. for a healthy white smile that lasts. new colgate total lasting white.

get the same kind of therapy without an appointment. new smartrelief from icy hot. [ male announcer ] a wave of relaxing pulses that block even chronic pain. new smartrelief. 's braces come off. thgood thing she used newain. act braces care mouthwash. it's designed to help clean around braces, freshen breath, and prevent white spots. act braces care. smile strong. and my 2 feet cool. [ male announcer ] new gold bond foot powder spray refreshes feet like our body spray refreshes your body. stay cool. itos and pepsi, thiske our body spray refreshes your body. party is complete. oh come on why are you throwing into double coverage when your z is wide open on the deep post?!?! and that's why i married you. stock up for game time with walmart's unbeatable prices. guaranteed by savings catcher. walmart. save money. live better. >> welcome back.

tell us about your wife. >> she wants everybody to love each other. that's her answer to love each other. we should teach the world love. that should be america's job to teach the world love. really? we can't even teach this country the metric system. how arrogant is that? we should teach the world something we know -- indifference. america can't be suicidal bombers. we've got to go to work. we have bills. i'm trying to pay off a lexus. jov time for a >> give him a round of applause. you can always come up with comicsunleashed.com. until next time, keep

♪ >> from the cbs broadcast center in philadelphia this is cbs-3 "eyewitness news". >> right now two sides of the 20-cent tip. a popular philadelphia eagle versus a popular philadelphia eatery. tonight, lesean mccoy breaks his silence and the restaurant owner is firing back. >> good evening to you. i'm jessica dean.

>> i'm chris may. this is the tale of the tip that went viral. lesean mccoy said he was making a statement when he stiffed that server in northern liberties. >> but the they are of the restaurant says shady's story is just that, shady. natasha brown is live in northern liberties and natasha, you spoke with the owner. >> reporter: yes, we have and it really is a tale of two very different stories here and both sides are unapologetic about where they stand on this issue. businesses swift at pyt burger in northern liberties days after the restaurant went viral. now, not just known for its burgers, but for being the recipient of a 20-cent tip from eagles running back lesean mcc mccoy. >> we never had anyone meticulously sell out 00.20 centss and then add it up correctly and then walk out. >> today mccoy broke his silence about why he felt the tiny tip was warranted. >> i tip on my service, you

know, and i think the difference between, you know, good service and bad service or just having a bad day. there's big difference from just being rude and disrespectful. >> reporter: tommy owns. he was there the night of mccoy an group of friends were served. he tells a different story altogether. >> his reason was ambivalent request about bad services. sat next to me and my general manager and my partner. his service was -- >> hours after the meal up posted the bill an message about the tip on facebook. that cast his restaurant into the social media spotlight. the comments are mixed. but the most intriguing tweet came from charlie sheen. he offered to give the waiter $1,000. but mccoy is sticking with 20-cents. >> any restaurant that i go around in philadelphia, i tip very well. i'm very respectful. >> my gosh, you should definitely tip. people make living off of tips. >> tips are based on service. so if it was poor service then i agree with him.

>> reporter: as you can see there are lot of mixed reaction to this story. meantime the restaurant owner tells us that he has been in touch with charlie sheen, and he says, that the package containing the thousand dollars that he promised to that waiter is in the mail. we're live in northern liberties tonight, natasha brown cbs-3 "eyewitness news". >> all right, natasha, thank you very much. well tonight thursday night football debuts as the nfl tries to fend off a fire storm of controversy. the league is under scrutiny over a tape showing former baltimore raven ray rice punching his soon to be wife in an atlantic city elevator. tonight's game the first in baltimore since that tape emerged. "eyewitness sports" director beasley reece is live in baltimore and beasley, we heard from the ravens owner and their fans tonight. >> reporter: chris, that is correct. as you know, this would be ray rice's the media was here and heard a -- looking for comments.

i tweeted out yesterday a banner that said, ray rice charitable fund win 30 minutes that banner was gone as the team moves on. i walked around the stadium and talked to fans to get their thoughts on their guy. he was one of the most popular players, ray rice. >> had to happen because we can't move on as an organizati organization. so unfortunately, i'm really sad for him but we have to move on. >> nfl was a little too lenient for their original punishment for him. i think he should have been suspensuspended eight game to ai don't think he should have been cut from the team. they should have suspend him like they should have and moved on from there. >> reporter: everyone is trying to explain themselves. the commissioner is trying to explain himself and the owner of the ravens asked to explain his fans as well. >> we knew there was other video and, um, our security did their -- the steps they normally

would. they called the casino and they would not release it. they called the jets and the giants and said hey, do you have any influence? is there any way that you can help us? and they called back and said no. that they would not release it. the prosecutor said yesterday that would have have been illegal. >> coming up in sports, we get to celebrate football and thursday night football on cbs cbs-3. lesley van arsdall and i will join you in a few minutes. now back to the studio. >> all right, beasley, thank y you. new tonight, a big loss in a legal challenge of a multi million dollars concussion lawsuit settlement with the nfl. that proposed settlement called for the nfl to pay at least $765 million to players diagnosed with problems linked to concussions. but the players who made their challenge in court here in philadelphia say that money just isn't enough. the federal appeals judge shot down that argument, but those players can still raise objections at a hearing in november. >> one new jersey school is leading the way in trying to cut

back on concussions. and tonight we'll show i was very interesting new game plan that's keeping players safe both on and off the field. that story is coming up on "eyewitness news" in just about 12 minutes. >> we are watching rain as we head into the weekend. meteorologist kathy orr is here now with a look at the forecast. kathy? >> right now we're looking at some drying conditions a cold front moving through the region the only place we're seeing the showers in extreme southern delaware and you can see a few in maryland extending through virginia. drying out overnight tonight. it will feel much more comfortable when you wake up tomorrow. philadelphia 78. 70 in allentown. 59 in the poconos. and falling. to the west, temperatures in the 50s and 60s. as cold front sneaks through the delaware valley. bringing in a drier, clearer change. that means during the day tomorrow, mostly sunny skies will be back. it will be noticeably less humid with high of 78 degrees. but it's not going to stay that way unfortunately for the weekend. we are looking at some rain moving our way. coming up i'll time it out and

show you the best time to plan to be outside. for now we'll send it back to you. >> kathy, thanks. we are following breaking news tonight. a convicted killer is on the run after escaping from an ohio prison. 19 year old tj lane broke out of a prison in lima with two other inmates. police are now searching woods around that jail. lane pleaded guilty last year to the february 2012 shooting deaths of three students at a high school just outside of cleveland. he received three life sentenc sentences. >> well dat nation pauses to remember this. the 13th anniversary of the september 11th terror tax. at grandsire row today now familiar tribute to those lost. twin beams of light reaching into the heavens. a powerful display of remembrance and perseverance. family and friends of the victim gathered earlier in the day at ground zero. they marked the exact moments the plane struck the twin towers with moments of silence. then the names of the nearly 3,000 killed in the 9/11