how their holiday glscent made me feel,ing which inspired this song. ♪ feel the air with joyful noise ♪ ♪ ring the bell and raise your voice ♪ ♪ let there be peace on earth ♪ ♪ let there be peace on earth ♪ ♪ lift your light and let it shine ♪ ♪ let it shine, shine, shine! ♪ glade sparking spruce. feel anticipation. feel glade. sc johnson, a family company. it's "comics unleashed" with your host

and now the undisputed heavy weight champion, byron allen! all right. welcome to "comics unleashed"! [ cheers and applause ] say hello to my [ cheers and applause ] some very funny people here

>> right now i'm celebrating. i just became an american citizen. >> congratulations. >> thank you so much. it was so cool. after i was sworn in the judge said congratulations. what are you going to do now? i'm like i'm going to be the next governor of california. >> your parents come, as well? >> my parents are back home. they are both medical doctors. it is not a big deal to be a doctor in turkey. >> wedding anniversary? >> she is trying to kill me

because i don't go into the ocean. the last salt water i swam in involved an amniotic sac. did i go too far? you can go really far down into the ocean. my wife is like you can go as deep as 300 meters. wouldn't my head implode? i have asked a lot of people the secret. the secret is compromise. i guess it works out. sometimes you got to do what she wants to do and other times you get to do what she needs to do. so it works out. all last year sweet new tv, one of the big screens.

and it's too expensive. she let me get the 60 inch plasma screen i was looking for. as a compromise i'm allowed to watch, nothing! she has the remote control all the time and keeps it here. puts it back in. watches her women networks, lifetime, oxygen, ovary, whatever they are called. she puts it where i can't get it like on the top of the fridge. oh, man. my wife will say do you remember what i was wearing when we met? no. and you get in trouble when you don't remember. >> i have been traveling a lot

and seeing places like i have never seen before like the south. they told me but i never realized it. when i go into town i try to find where the brothers are. when we are in the south it is small towns and not a lot of black people. when you find where they are out go. i am in a town we go to the mall looking for brothers. i didn't find many but i found groups of pregnant white girls. i said they probably got some brothers around here somewhere. >> are you a couch potato? >> i watch tv all the time. i was watching where they starve these animals and make them fight each other. it's called "america's next top model." >> traveling around. i hate flying.

flying sucks. you have to take off your shoes because of the shoe bomber and you can't have liquids because of the liquid bomber. we are going to take a break. we will be right back with more "comics unleashed." "comics unleashed." for more laughs go to those little sunken places? not anymore! from l'oreal, revitalift triple power moisturizer. with 3% pro-xlyane l'oreal triple fights all three dimensions of aging: one...repairs wrinkles two...refirms contours three...replenishes facial volume and now, l'oreal triple power night mask. the intensive benefits of a mask in a night cream. see visible results in just one night. who doesn't want that? l'oreal triple power day and night. we're worth it!

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does your family miss you at home? >> i don't think so. i don't miss them. my whole family is thousands of miles away. >> are you dating? >> when you are dating in the middle east you hear the same lines. they are like look at you. get in my cab. my boyfriend in istanbul was a rap artist. he gets on the stage and he

screams! can i get a --! wave your hands in the air like you just don't care! >> you like living in california? >> i do but especially in hollywood it is hard to be in hollywood when there are impossibly good looking people around. i am a small guy. you can change and fix and disguise. if you have bad teeth you can get braces. if you are heavy you can get liposuction. you can get rich. i met my wife at a dance club. she is like i don't dance with short guys.

i tell her i'm not short, i'm far away. she fell for it. she fell for it. i shop at the big and tall stores. i just go to freak the clerks out. i go to the racks like where is my size. the people behind the counter are like, does he know? and then they are on the phone. >> you been working out? >> working out is not my thing. i look like i work out but nothing works the way it is supposed to. i go to the gym. i use the water fountain and the scale. >> what was your dad like? >> my dad was a huge player.

i would be like straight as and he would be like double ds. my dad would tell me sleep with casting directors. i'm like most are guys. he says take we are going to take a break and be right back with more "comics unleashed." don't go away. don't go away. for more laughs go to used daily, it exfoliates, smoothes, softens. 90% saw smoother, softer skin in one week. gold bond. ultimate lotion. ultimate skin. c 90% saw smoother, softer skin in one week. of this year's superstar... (coughs) coughing can really be disruptive. with a record breaking fifty million votes, your superstar is... that's why there's delsym.

delsym helps silence coughs for a full 12 hours with an advanced time release formula for all day or all night relief. up to twice as long as other cough liquids. so the only sounds you'll hear are the ones you want to hear. bianca! (cheering) delsym. silence is relief. and now for a limited time try delsym for free, with mail in rebate. how their holiday glscent made me feel,ing which inspired this song. ♪ feel the air with joyful noise ♪

♪ ring the bell and raise your voice ♪ ♪ let there be peace on earth ♪ ♪ let there be peace on earth ♪ ♪ lift your light and let it shine ♪ ♪ let it shine, shine, shine! ♪ glade sparking spruce. feel anticipation. feel glade. sc johnson, a family company.

welcome back to "comics unleashed." did you perform overseas? >> there is a lot overseas. i got to meet the chinese olympic team. the guy i was cheering for didn't make it to the olympics. he was a chinese high diver that stands three stories above the

pool and falls in. his name was lee ping. you cannot write comedy that good. wouldn't it be convenient if all athletes corresponded to the events. on the pole vault, jum and now figure skating champion tu gay guy. my boyfriend is like any other guy. he is like i have known you for five years. why don't you call me your sugar daddy? i'm like because you don't have money. you are my nutra sweet daddy.

female, male with a fee. this is not for free this is land of the free and home of the brave so pay up. >> you big on television? >> i learn everything on tv. relationships start from mtv. when my boyfriend yells at me i say stay in the car like the little bitch you are. >> i have been to japan. you want to go somewhere fun go to japan just understand it is very different because they have like a lot of japanese people there. i thought they all lived here in west l.a.

you go there and you can have fun. i can be you in japan. they ain't going to know. i live in japan i was charles barkley for three you guys are a good crowd. i live in texas and i made fun of nascar and that was a big mistake because this guy tried to run me over with his the i was in africa for the military. there were poisonous snakes and sergeant was like they are as afraid of you as you are of them. they made a movie about them on a plane. a plane. >> we'll be right back withyfss> at book club, they were asking me

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of peppermint and rich dark chocolate. york minis, get the sensation. wbefore the first sneeze, help whenprotect with a spray. ead. before the first tissue, help defend with a wipe. and help prevent with lysol. to get ten times more protection and kill 99.9% of germs around the house. this season, help protect your family with lysol. start healthing. if it doesn't work fast... you're on to the next thing. clinically proven neutrogena® rapid wrinkle repair. it targets fine lines and wrinkles with the fastest retinol formula available. you'll see younger looking skin in just one week. one week? this one's a keeper.

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glade sparking spruce. feel anticipation. feel glade. sc johnson, a family company. of this year's superstar... (coughs) coughing can really be disruptive. with a record breaking fifty million votes, your superstar is... that's why there's delsym. delsym helps silence coughs for a full 12 hours with an advanced time release formula for all day or all night relief. up to twice as long as other cough liquids. so the only sounds you'll hear are the ones you want to hear. bianca! (cheering) delsym. silence is relief. and now for a limited time try delsym for free, with mail in rebate.

s thcelebrate what's new, the bigger, better menu at red lobster! with more of what you love! try our newest wood-grilled combination! maine lobster, extra jumbo shrimp, and salmon! so hurry in! and sea food differently. welcome back to "comics unleashed." >> i hate politics. the government will distract you with a shiny object and take the problems and relabel them hoping you don't notice. we have crime and poverty. did we fix it? you know what we got?

and the government will change stuff. somebody told me that gambling is a disease. obesity is an epidemic. no if obesity was an epidemic a fat guy would cough on you and you could go -- you have to call your boss and be like i can't make it, i got the fat. your boss would be like you know how many sick days you have used up this week. you happy to be here in america? >> i am so very happy to be here. it is oppressive for females in the middle east. you have to wear a long black sheet.

it makes them look like ninjas. it's kind of a disgrace to our gend gender. i hate black sheep. i have had it up to here. before i start dancing let me slip into something much more comfortable. there. and you know what i don't like. why do they cover the [ applause ] >> how messy is your place? >> i have clothes all over my apartment. i brought a date home and she is like you have been one time i had a date over and a

mouse ran across the floor and i am like don't worry. they eat the roaches. you ever clean your place and find things you haven't seen in years? i found topanga from "boy meets world." you like living alone? >> i do. it is hard. relationships are tough. they really are. my friends are like you have sex all the time. but with the same girl. it's like having an ipod with one song. i know that song. it's really hard. to me a girlfriend is like communism. it is great in theory. i got dumped by e-mail one time. you are not right for me, if you don't forward this to ten people

you will die. i got caught cheating in the worst way. i have this new iphone. i don't know how to work it. it is ringing on silent and i am kissing this girl and the girl i'm kissing is like i want to have sex right now and the phone picks up and i hear from my pocket, i bet you do, you who a are. i turn around and there is the verizon guy with the entire network. >> give them a round of applause! that was a lot of fun. thanks for hanging out with us. until next time, keep watching.

♪ >> determined that no probable cause exists to file any charge against officer wilson. >> breaking news right now. raw reaction on the streets of ferguson, missouri. this video from a short time ago. cars burning in the streets as thousands protest the decision not to indict the officer involved in the shooting death of michael brown. take liv