jarn. >> that feels like it's for all three of us. >> that's right. anybody jump in. >> reggie: okay, assuming that you could purchase a remote- controlled eagle, would you work on its wings first or would you work on some of the aviaonics on the tail section or would you de-claw the talons? >> that's a long ass question! >> great question. >> that's not a good question. >> why don't you take this one? >> that's a long question. i don't remember anything that you just said. all i heard was eagle and remote. >> i think if this was a family, we'd know the problem child. you know what i mean? >> just because i'm different. >> james: why don't you answer, john? >> obviously work on the tail first because that's the guiding system, but then you have to go straight for the inner bits, the heart and soul and all those things. wings comes last. that's decorative. that's when you put the decals on at the end. >> james: is that, reg?

>> reggie: i'm afraid that's absolutely correct. >> james: it's absolutely correct. ladies and gentlemen, please thank our incredible guests. john kazsinski and jimmy butler. penn and teller are here when we come back. ["diggy" by spencer ludwig] ♪

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katie v/she stays late.rd. but she gets paid 21% less than her male coworkers. pat toomey has voted time after time against equal pay for women, against pay that helps hard working families get ahead. katie o/c: for my daughters and yours, i'll fight for equal pay for women. families need it; you've earned it. katie v/o: i'm katie mcginty, and i approve this message because it's your turn to get ahead. ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ >> james: i'm so thrilled our next guests are here. one's the "new york times" best- selling author of this new book "presto" and you can see them live in las vegas at the rio all-suite hotel and casino. please welcome the phenomenal penn & teller! ♪[ music ] >> you know, we do a show called penn & teller fool us. and the premise is we get to see a magician do a trick once and we have to figure out how they do it just watching it once. we're going to give you an opportunity to be us. you'll all be the judges for us. we'll do a magic trick once. see if you can figure out exactly how we do it. hit it! we're going to mis-direct with you some stupid dance thing and stuff and some big vegas-style props and a big platform and flashing lights. don't be confused with any of

that. keep your eye on exactly how the trick is done. you have kind of a space theme you see here. and the trick looks like this. you ready? watch every move. figure it out. ♪ blast off first stage ♪ you really blew my mind next stage ♪ i reached but could not find blast off ♪ it's floating aloft cast off ♪ blast off to the stars above ♪ no relativity in my galaxy ♪ blast off lift off for love ♪ lift off for love lift off for love ♪ ready hold on to me escape velocity

♪ lift off for love lift off for love ♪ lift off for love lift off for love ♪ blast off [ cheering and applause ] have you got it, reggie? did you guys figure it out? do you have it all figured out? you see, that's the way everybody else does it. this is the way do it. give you the opportunity to check your work. just make it a little easier. we've got to get these built special. hey matt franco, suck on this.

♪ trap door first scam ♪ you slipped away from me next scam ♪ you're not where you should be trap door ♪ trap door hopped in for a while ♪ back door trap door ♪ missed you by a mile you look at me and laugh >> see, it's my hand. ♪ while i saw you in half trap door ♪ ripped off for love ripped off for love ♪ ripped off for love ain't no mystery ♪ it's just trickery ripped off for love ♪ ripped off for love ah ♪ ah ah

♪ ripped off for love trap door [ cheering and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, penn & teller! oh my gosh. what a treat. truly amazing. "penn & teller: fool us" airs wednesdays at 8:00 on the cw. how incredible to have them here. we'll be right back, everybody. ♪ ♪ ♪

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♪ ♪ >> james: thanks for watching. tomorrow night, carpool karaoke with britney spears. we'll see you then. reggie, take us home. ♪ ♪ captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh accfirst there is shaving. captioned by media access group at wgbh blades. sharp and precise. then gillette shielding. comfy lubrication before and after. and also cooling. oooh. i got goosebumps. gillette proshield chill with lubrication before and after the blades. shields and cools while you shave. proshield chill from gillette. the best a man can get. proshield. available with or without chill.

shhh! laughing) what's going on? gasp! you going to shut it down? this is totally going viral. i wanna go viral. going viral? get scrubbing bubbles, clean and disinfect. 20,000 views! what? oh, it looks so clean in here. windex that you don't even know it's there? so clear by sfx: slide show smudge it! with the new smudge stick even clear glass gets visibly smudged in a snap. sfx: smudge sounds against glass get it now and say no to spotless clear windex glass. coming to you from hollywood almost live, it's "comic unleashed" with your host byron allen! tonight byron welcomes leslie jones, ralph harris, dean edwards and roy woods, jr., and

now the recipient of michael jackson's original nose byron allen! ♪ ♪ >> all right. yea! boy, we're going to have some fun tonight! a lot going on in the news. did you see this? scotland yard has opened an exhibit of artistic fakes including numerous picassos, sheingals and madonna's accent. here's some bad news.

a florida man playing in the swamp was eaten by a 12-footal gator, but the good news is i just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to geico. say hello to dj ed one! ♪ ♪ very funny people here tonight. dean edwards! [ applause ] [ indiscernible ] >> leslie jones! and rob harris! [ applause ] >> are you enjoying the single life? >> well, you know how -- all the single ladies in the house say hey! what's up, you lonely bitches!

♪ ♪ >> you know! you know that's how we do it, by. i'm single and when we close that door, we be, like, oh! ! >> did you just celebrate a birthday? >> yea, man, but i don't know about celebrating, but i had one. you know you go out to these restaurants and they're i go out to my buddies and they come out and sing the stupid song to you? >> i go to a restaurant by myself to get cheesecake and sweet tea and i look and i look and my server is over there singing to some 88-year-old dude. he's old -- he's probably dead

at the table. he doesn't know the words to the song. he's 88 and to the other people in the restaurant and i'm waiting on my food and my server is over there singing to your old-ass granddaddy. that's how i see it. and then i get kicked out of applebee's. >> one of your kids just celebrated a birthday, right? >> i have two little girls and whether when you see little girls you realize those are two vaginas you have to worry about, you know? for real! men want son, you know what i mean? every man -- i love my daughters to death. they are soldiers and they hold you down, butsome deep down you're, like, come on little boy so you can take credit for something, man, you know? you have a little boy and he's a good athlete and people are like, your son's pretty good. where do you think he got that

from? all i do is get blamed for how bad they act. i was there when the babies came out and my wife was mad because i didn't watch. my wife was, like, why didn't you watch? that's too much information. you never had problems rummaging around. she used the word "rummaging," like it's a luggage rack. i found it! it's here somewhere! and those babies, man, you see them come out and your whole world changes because my wife was screaming, get it out! two and two! and the baby came out and, you know, you see that child come out and she's screaming at the top of her lungs you realize she been lying to you for a long time. my daughter came out 6 pounds, 14 ounces, i guarantee there ain't a man in here 6 pounds, 14

ounces. i ain't doing no damage. i was there rummaging, don't try to -- [ applause ] >> denzel washington. >> hey, you're watching "comics unleashed" with the man, the myth. stay tuned for more! we'll be right back, don't go away. for more

and my cold medicines' ugh, iwearing off.chtime i'm dragging. yeah, that stuff only lasts a few hours. or, take mucinex. one pill fights congestion for 12 hours. no thank you very much, she's gonna stick with the short-term stuff. 12 hours? guess i won't be seeing you for a while. is that a bisque? i just lost my appetite. why take medicines that only last 4 hours, when just one mucinex lasts 12 hours? start the relief. ditch the misery. let's end this. ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ geico motorcycle, great rates for great rides. katie v/she stays late.rd. but she gets paid 21% less than her male coworkers. pat toomey has voted time after time against equal pay for women, against pay that helps hard working families get ahead.

katie o/c: for my daughters and yours, i'll fight for equal pay for women. families need it; you've earned it. katie v/o: i'm katie mcginty, and i approve this message because it's your turn to get ahead. all right. welcome back to comics unleashed. now, are you from birmingham? >> birmingham, alabama. >> all right. >> i love my hometown, but it is one of the most nondiverse places. we haven't gotten our first shipment of mexicans yet. i want some diversity.

it's like what sucks is in some parts of america, you know, like black people hate on latinos. that makes no sense to me, you know? i got home boys, all the reason the latinos get right is because what black folks did in the civil rights movement. which is true. but that's the point, civil rights movement. how are you going to get jealous? the i have a dream speech was for all races. >> let me ask you something. is it always the man's fault?

>> no. let me let you know something, ladies, about men. they have a don't give a damn chip installed right here. it's activated as soon as you open up your mouth, okay? you know, as women we hold on to stuff too long. i went out with this guy for three years. great guy, great relationship. he cheated on me. i forgave him. you know we don't forget about that. every time we got into an argument, i brought it right back up. he couldn't get away with nothing. you know we out of cookies? what? did that bitch eat them cookies? [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] you only eat cookies with me. i'm the only cookie eater here in the house.

>> you talking about a good marriage? i heard you was thinking about getting marriage. >> marriage is really nothing more than two people who just agree on a bunch of stuff. that's all any relationship is. you go to church? yeah, i go to church too. okay. well, do you watch movies? yeah, i like movies do. let's have sex. okay. can i really promise to agree with you forever? i can't do that. i don't even know if i like "csi: miami" or "csi: new york." >> i heard you were a big fan of rappers in movies. >> they're doing a "bad boys 3," but they're not bringing back martin lawrence and will smith. they're talking about having y jay-z in there. it's going to be miserable.

jay-z going to be all, how crazy is that? they got guns and everything. denzel washington, oh, you said you want to be actors? don't you come in here and lie to me! and chris rock is the director. cut, cut! what are y'all doing? what the hell are y'all doing? jay-z and 50 cent, 50 and jay, hold up, wait a minute! how the hell you get beyonce with those big ass lips? >> all right. we're going to take a break. we'll be right back. don't go away. how fast are allegra® gelcaps? we're going out in an hour... fast.

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all right. welcome back to comics unleashed. hot chocolate. what's the deal here? how come you're still single? >> because i