lover. if we get to meet them and sleep with them, it won't be cheating. >> i choose angelina jolie. she chose my neighbor. i want to marry an older divorced woman. shut up! they make the best wives because they bring to the marriage a house. . >> how are you doing, angt sidney? >> doing great. >> is treating you well? >> is treating me well. i'm trying to adjust. i have been living in l.a. for a while and discovered two groups of people. people who are broke. i'm broke. i got bill collectors after me. when they come to my house, they carpool.

they are always calling my house trying to get my money. let's remember you preapproved me. i knew i didn't have any money. i get four calls a day. may i speak to anthony griffith. he's not in. when do you expect him back? >> as soon as you hang up. >> i discovered the latest tactic is that they like to leave messages on your answering machine like they are your friend. i check my machine. griff, what's up, dog? give a brother a call. i am trying to hook up with you. i'm at 1-800-. really bizarre. when you get a credit card, you forget how much information you give them. they call my mama. looking for me.

they are like this guy owes me money. my mama is like he owes me money too. >> now you got to be advanced. he is talking about if you don't pay us, this is going to hurt your credit. you have seen my credit? you can't hurt it. >> hor you are these days? >> my parents are challenging my sanity. the last time i saw my parents it was over the holidays and i went to visit them and they decided that would be a good time to spring it on me that i was adopted. >> really? >> yeah. it was the worst kwanzaa ever. they had also missed surgery on

our dog. you can cut a dog's vocal cords so it barks, but it's silent. that is so cruel and mean. i spent 45 minutes thinking i had gone deaf. you know what, growing up, everyone wants to be something different like a bala or astronaut. i wanted to be a pina colada so my mom would pay attention to me. that's why i became a comedian. our house had a two-drink minimum. >> we are going take a break. we'll be right back with more comics unleashed. don't go away.

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>> i understand you think we are losing our freedom. >> i don't like these laws that restrict our behavior. like the smoke bans. i don't smoke. i think the only thing more annoying is the nonsmokers whining about it. >> we can take the things out.

if you want to smoke, light up. if you don't like it, leave. hang out and is my secondhand beverage ticking you off? don't come to where people are drinking. >> canada has a written warning on their cigarettes and a colored photo of cancer. i know. a lot of illiterate people were dying. you have a tough time buying gifts? >> i think that barbie dolls have a body image for kids. we should be more worried about teletubbies creating the image for our kids. childhood obesity is the biggest problem in america right now.

kids are as fat as they have ever been. the good news is that less kids are running >> i think the toys are making our kids fat and make our kids gay. not that it's bad. if you can't give your child winnie the pooh and not expect them to be confused. a bear with a high-pitched voice who wanders around the woods wearing no pants. looking for a boy named christopher. that's an episode of dateline, not

they are organizing a 1 million pound march. that's been a while. >> this discovered because i'm from chg and everybody in l.a. thinks they are in the entertainment business. i walk to mcdonald's and say i'm working at mcdonald's and i'm the choreographer-producer. can you produce me a cheeseburger? i also keep in touch with my parents and i bought them an answering machine trying to push them until the 21st century. they can grasp the secinology. how does this work again? hold the button and leave a

message? >> just hold the button and leave a message. >> just hold the button and leave a message. i call and this is the message on their machine. >> fred, tommy said hold the button and leave a message. fred. i know what i'm doing. shut up! you don't have to yell at me. would you shut up. i'm trying to read the instructions. >> you don't need to read the instructions. would you shut up. what? you are going to hit me? put the gun down. >> you think men are too obsessed with sports? >> men are so obsessed that you can't even throw things in the garbage normally. garbage normally. like it's the nba basketball

game or something. most of you shoot like you are in the wnba. not because you don't get it in, but nobody is >> we are going to take a break. don't go away. pain strand so does newve level. icy hot lidocaine. desensitizes aggravated nerves with the max strength lidocaine available. new icy hot lidocaine.

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>> welcome back to comics unleashed. >> i have a pet peeve now. when people try to get off the phone with you, they try to make it your fault. they will be like well, i guess i will let you get back to that. or like i don't want to take up any more of your time. you know i called you. dad. you know? i know a guy after he was stalk me over the phone. he was calling me like eight

times a day for like six months. said he worked for visa. yeah, right. what i did, i had to speak to him and his language. i was like sir, i have 0% interest in you. >> i will tell you a way to get rid of people on the phone. he calls you and it doesn't shut up. you can't get a word in. finally there is a little breath. what i would do is hang up on myself. in other words, he would be saying something like -- i take a breath and i was thinking, this is a really important thing. i hang up. now, no one hangs up on himself.

he thinks you got disconnected. see? he hangs up and waits for to you call him back. that's when i hang up and get the hell out of the house. >> did you grow up in this household? >> i grew up baptist. i was in church all day on sunday. all day. i wanted to be a catholic so bad. i had friends that i envied because one hour means one hour to catholics. i have seen them riot after one hour. let's go. here's another benefit. not that we talk about my

people. the jews, they are real smart. first of all, we go to synagogue on friday night. we don't get up early in the morning on sunday when you want to rest. we go after we get paid. you are in a good mood. we will listen to any crap they tell us. even to think about it, be a black jew. >> we dressed up essentially in church. i think the black culture, we love to dress up and i like going to church because we dress up and i like to call them the three seeds. we dress up in church, concerts and court. >> how are you adjusting to l.a. life? >> kind of traumatizing to me at first. the women here have big honkers. it scared me at first. to compete i started wear a water bra. i'm serious.

if it popped, i would drown. my boobs have not grown since i was a teenager. these are the only two a's i got in high school. it's bad. >> we have to take a break. don't go away. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ five-second rule protection. new lysol kitchen pro eliminates 99.9% of bacteria without any harsh chemical residue. ♪ lysol. what it takes to protect.

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>> welcome back to comics unleashed. >> i have a lot of friend who is hunt. they call themselves sports men

as if hunting is a sport. if it is the other team has no idea it is playing. honey, i did not say that. that's the other black guy. >> this is what you call opinionated. my wife can say clinical psychologist. she always likes to analyze my motions. how did it make you feel knowing you might die or when i don't cook for you. how does it feel when i make you late? i'm a product of the public school system. my answer is always shut up. shut up. shut up. shut up. how does it make you feel that you won't have sex tonight? quick tip. women. i you when a man tells you to shut up. he already knows he is not

having sex tonight. you don't like weddings, huh? >> i don't like weddings or baby showers. i think it's a scam to get gifts. serious. i don't know why we have to buy people stuff when they get married or have a baby and when they buy a house. why do i have to buy a present every time you make a mistake? nobody got me a present when i slept with david brynner. >> wait a minute. that was the present. >> a lot of fun. i want to thank you at home.

until next time,

right now an on "eyewitness news" snow for the weekend. a wintery mix is expected to fall overnight. plus a second chance for light snow. >> nova next challenge how the wildcats preparing for a shot at the sweet 16. >> celebrating st. patrick's day, a region ranks among the top. why philly's history is so rich when it comes to the irish hold >> we begin with another blast

of winter weather >> i'm ukee washington >> i'm jessica dean, we thought we put the snow behind us? meteorologist lauren casey tracking not one but two shots of snow >> who's excited >> 6:00 a.m. tomorrow morning until 6:00 a.m. sunday, stormscan 3 is relative quiet right now. seeing a couple of returns popping up much more moisture off to the south and west in association with a slow moving storm system as it passes through and on the back side of the system as well what to expect for the weekend. a slow movie starts as a light wintery mix in the city and that will be a late overnight early tomorrow morning. but our best chance of snow area-wide will be late saturday night early sunday. we will see some accumulations across parts of the area but they will try to be minimal, what to expect. in the poconos, mainly be a snow

event but you can see tons of freezing rain especially tomorrow morning. berks county, lehigh valley, we start off as snow then transition to rain as we head to midday and tomorrow afternoon, then back to snow tomorrow night. in philly and immediate suburbs start as a mix late. quickly to rain tomorrow morning. periods of rain throughout the day and tomorrow night back to snow. and down the shore mainly a rain event but this will end as snow. as we head late tomorrow night into early sunday morning, lots of talk to about. variables we'll get to all of that in the full forecast coming up. lauren we'll see you then. to march madness. villanova getting ready for a test on saturday >> the wildcats take on the wisconsin badgers in the second around of the ncaa tournament >> and don bell is here with more on how nova getting ready >> they're all big in his time of year and tough opponent as well. villanova dominated but two of those l came against butler a

team that remains jay wright of the opponent wisconsin, they're the only team in the tournament that made it to three straight sweet 16s >> they not only from great size they got great depth. they can bring a lot of guys in off the bench. that's kind of our weakness, it will be trouble for us if we get into foul trouble early >> tough physical defensive minded team. right down to defense and not try to score. >> technically, it's already saturday. catch villanova wisconsin this afternoon at 2:40 right here on cbs3. pull an all nighter. >> stay up. >> by the way if the cats will get iton