>> lindsey: we are at the bicentennial park, actually i used to work here. i worked here for about six months. so we did landscaping, you know, easy stuff: rake the leaves, mow the grass , clean the bathroom, something simple there is really not a lot of jobs out here so... this park is neat because they dedicate a lot of things to veterans so it's nice. i think that one is my favorite. says remember pearl harbor . it is similar to my story. i don't think if 9/11 woulda' happened i wouldn't have felt compelled to go in a way, i woulda' done something different with my life so everything happens for a reason so... that's why i went.

so this is mc kenzie high school . i went here for four years . >> lindsey: we are all pretty close cuz it's such a small school. so we all knew one another and partied together, and kinda hang out. when i was a sophomore in high school. my teacher turned on tv and i saw the planes hit the twin towers and i saw people jumping out of buildings and that kind of upset me a little bit so... >> becky: she came home from school one day and she said mother i've just came from the recruiter's office in paris

and i've joined the marine corps. i said: ok. fine. and i didn't believe her. a few weeks later she said: mother we need to clean the house up because this marine corps recruiter is coming here to sign me up. i didn't clean the house and one day door bell rang and humongous guy standing there . can i help you ? yes, i am here to sign lindsey up for marine corps and i'm thinking "oh, crap she wasn't lying." >> lindsey: i don't know i felt like i had to serve my country in a way. i mean i always, i knew i wasn't ready for college i was thinking about the military anyway but that was, when that happened, i already knew my place on this earth was to do something for the country so... >> becky: is this a camp? >> lindsey: yeah

>> becky: my sweet daughter was born ten years after my youngest child. she was kind of a surprise but very very welcome. very precocious! she was into everything. had so many friends all of her life. she's just a beautiful, beautiful person. >> lindsey: that's a picture of "falloujah" >> becky: i knew she was over there doing what she wanted to do, and i was extremely proud of that. >> lindsey: i was a 50 cal gunner for convoy security for a eod squad explosives for ordinance team... so every time somebody would have a "nine-line" or they found an explosive... my team would go out and put the eod squad and...

blow it up. >> lindsey: you are recording? >>man: yeah >> lindsey: hey mom , dad this video is for you. wanna show you what i do during the day a little documentary on me just for you ...oh yeah this is where i sleep. ...at the hotel! we do eod which is 24 on, 24 off so this is where i sleep or on stand by for the cool missions and stuff... [explosions, shouting] this is where i stay . this is my home ! i am far away from home ! so this is my 50 cal weapon... you shoot pretty big bullets this is what's sitting here right now.

>> man: i can't zoom into any pictures, you are blocking! >> lindsey: can you see now?? >> man: yeah i can see now! >> lindsey: this is what keeps me motivated. right here! everybody! say hi to my mom! look at this one mom!...say hi! >> solder: hello! >> lindsey: ok ! i wanted to fight for my country but i didn't think it's gonna be like that seeing your fellow marines in body bags and having to clean up the mess i've seen the aftermath of explosions.

it's pretty sad. especially, when you lose somebody that was a friend . it's pretty hard to deal with. >> becky: i draw out to 29 palms to meet her. and i can see when she got off the bus the difference in her. i could see whole change in her face and... i know she was scared and she wouldn't let me go and i just knew it was something had happened and how the whole person i knew had changed ... i just felt it. >> lindsey: that morning i got back from iraq. i got out so i kind a felt alone coming, back to the civilian world.

i didn't have that discipline and time schedule like i had in marine corp. i mean i worked but ... sorta drank a lot. on my worst binge, i locked myself in a room with a bottle of tylenol pm and bottles of jack daniels and beer and just not leaving my room for maybe not three days literally just drinking. >> becky: she got to where she wouldn't talk, she wouldn't interact with anybody! she was quiet! she wouldn't even interact with her brother or her nephews , nieces who she adores . all of them! but she wouldn't interact with the family ! >> lindsey: i got this tattoo when i was in

missouri down at my training at marine corp its and m15c not an m16 and then i got this one when i was trainin' too. and then these right here i got in okinowa and this one says james ray and that one says rebecca jean , that's my mom and dad . on october 1st '08 -is the date when i overdosed and i was in a coma for a two days so i got that one there as a reminder to not to do that again ! >> lindsey: she is my only daughter. and... almost - i almost lost her two years ago ! she attempted suicide in my home and... and that was the worst experience i think worse than her being in iraq is just sit there

and watch that that and to be on a ventilator for three days. it was hard. it still is . i've lost my child in a way . it's hard to see someone so lovely and vivacious and precocious to turn into someone so quiet and inside of herself and she won't come out . it's hard. >> beth: when she got back from iraq and i saw what i saw with her platoon. we had to go back over whatever they are calling that the dorms or whatever ...we drove

up there all over their backpacks and beer and liquor lining the sidewalk ! lining sidewalk! and i feel like that military should be responsible for what happened these kids because that's what they are. they're kids ! [flute & drums] >> mary: because of the things that my generation of woman in the military had to fight for we shouldn't have to fight anymore. it should just be a given!... well, i think that with my own experience of you know, floundering once i left the military

and going to the va for health care and really seeing the disparity in the levels of care ,talking with other woman and working with woman who had difficulties, filing the claim for disability and things like that . it was not equitable and they did not seem to have an emphasis on making it equitable . to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan you know i understand where the saying came from but in this day and age i don't understand how they can keep it. i mean, they can't change it because it's a quote but i am sure that they can come out with something that would be a little more welcoming to women! you know women have served from the civil world from the very beginning ...

civil war, world war i, world war ii , korea, vietnam up to the present day so there is no reason why we can't have the same level of care , care and benefits as our counterparts have. i went in the service in 74 when it still was not popular for women to serve in the military we were still actually segregated - we were in the women's army corp and not just in the regular army. i've competed for promotions among my male peers. i've had some awesome positions of responsibility i wouldn't trade any of it for a million bucks. but when i left the service, especially for the first two or three years, i was really floundering. i am a 21 year army vet . i retired 1995 ... i just kinda of like you grow up in a military and then when you are retired you don't know what to do .

i think i am working now with a non profit that serves other veterans because this is a way for me to continue to serve. >> lindsey: this is an operation stand down. i came to find out about it i was at murphreesboro at the rehab clinic. and i'd gotten a card from my councilor there actually so she gave me a number operation stand down. so i called ms debra .ms debra told me to come on down. >> mary: like so many other woman who are returning from iraq and afganistan acknowledging getting treatment for their post traumatic stress disorders is vital . >> lindsey: this is where everything gets istarted, where all the clients come in to. so i came to this counter and filled out this packet . and i met mrs debra and she referred me to miss mary so that's how i came about to know this wonderful lady even tho we are not kin but we really are .... >> mary: i am seeing more and more women

now the numbers are not as quite as large as their male counterparts but for instances last year we probably saw about 11% increase in the number woman who were coming for services . we are not a va facility .we are non profit,so we are not you know actually confined to the rules that va has which is a real blessing because we can fill in the gaps what the va can't provided and what we can provide ... richard let's take them back to the family room also so the little girl can run around and play. look at the psyche of the woman versus of the psyche the male veteran. we do tend to the process on the more emotional level versus an intellectual level . we, actually accept the fact that we have issues quicker than men do but we still have a lot of pride issues especially those who have served in the military because we have had to deal in a male environment for so many years and to show that we are a competent and

capable of performing our roles in the military . when we get out we still have a tendancy to have that toughness . >> lindsey: because i can't talk about some things and i keep it inside. i don't talk about what.i don't really talk about feelings and what happened in the past and i don't think i would be struggling with this disease. if i would've chose a different career i guess when you are put under that much stress and trying to be strong and have this mindset to do your best, you kinda get stressed out! does that make sense? you're put on pedestal in the marine corp

and you are expected to do a good job and if you don't do it you are a failure. i had a problem but i guess i never addressed it like i should have. i just wanted it to be over and done with and i never faced my problems like i should have in the marine corps, and i never got fixed in the right way. what lindsey has is a general discharge under less than honorable conditions . and the reason that she has the less than honorable condition is that because she has had a couple of instances where she received a dui while she was off duty and she also has an instance where she was picked up by random urinalysis test for an illegal substance . >> lindsey: i know what i did was wrong but i honestly i don't remember doing it, i don't. >> mary: that's very much part of it, is that -

one of the things when you are still on active duty you don't recognize or you don't think of the issues that you might have with ptsd. you really don't look at those until after . >> lindsey: maybe i think maybe all that drinking and its just something in my head developed where i think needed it . it kinda felt like normal again. but that wasn't the case, i was just drinking so i wouldn't have to deal with every day life. >> mary: well because lindsey's recovery was in a such a fragile state we decided at operation standown that we would provide her with temporary housing, in part to encourage her continued sobriety. it's kind of, like when i look at lindsey i see little bit of myself. maybe it's because we come from the same hometown. but i remember being a very naive and a very vulnerable young woman when i left and

joined the army and all of the things that i got into. you know it's only by the grace of god that you know i didn't experience the same things that lindsey did. >> lindsey: so i keep my meds in this little compartment. hydroxazin is for my anxiety, i take antabuse so i won't drink, and then i have my birth control and gabapentin that helps with the nightmares, so i have a peaceful night's sleep, ...and i take geodon, its an anti-psychotic ...helps keep my chemicals in my brain level good.. so i don't freak out on nobody . >> mary: in order to be considered a veteran there are certain things that have to occur .

one is your time in service . the other one is the character of your service . if you receive an honorable discharge then you are eligible for any benefits that are out there for that period of time that you did serve. >> lindsey: what's up hot mama ? >> mary: hahaha. how are ya? >> lindsey: good >> mary: good! >> mary: for someone who has received a general "under less than honorable" they are not considered veterans . so they are not eligible for any benefits really. >> mary: i really feel that lindsey deserves to be considered a veteran . i mean she has two tours in iraq with marine corp. she made some bad mistakes, she made some bad decisions. i believe that her duis, her substance abuse her, --are related actually to her ptsd that she received while she was serving in iraq. >> lindsey: and my situation when you apply for a job

and it always asks if you were veteran and asks for the list of your discharge so usually if you don't have the honorable they think you are just a big mess up and you can't do the job so they usually don't hire you so i tend to go for a jobs that don't ask that . with encouragement and support lindsey has decided to fight her dishonorable charging court, to receive the benefits that she deserves ...such as her health care and her financial assistance for school. >> mary: i e-mailed jay this morning and i told him that you have decided that you are ready to do this! >> lindsey: yes ma'am ! i mean i wanna fight for because i think i deserve to get to go to school after going, you know, to iraq twice, you know, i don't care about money, i don't care about you know, getting-- drawing disability . i don't care about that. i would just like to have a little money for to go to nursing school and you know it's not that much , i mean, i everybody asks me

-- once marine always marine, and i'm like you know what it's not true for me ! >> mary: we were able to get lindsey into a seven week program in ohio that specialized in treating woman veterans with ptsd >> lindsey: i went to cincinnati for seven weeks ...and that freakin' helped me .. it... i literally had to sit down and write my traumas . and i had to read them over and over again . i burned it. it felt good to do it cuz, now when i'm getting sober, i can have peace with myself ! >> lindsey: it's my birthday >> mary: it's your birthday >> lindsey: it's my birthday.

what do you want me to do ? read direction? >> mary: since i've known lindsey there actually has been progress. >> lindsey: mix cocoa and few together!.. >> mary: she is more open with us now than she was initially . give me a couple of them...we can't do that--this is the south! >> lindsey: i can't do that ..hahahha...that's funny .. we don't follow the recipe ... we just throw shit in there! >> mary: there is still a lot that she needs to do even though she is gone through the ptsd program that she went through at the va program in cincinnati and she came back more open and a little happier i think >> lindsey: i never have a party decorated for me before >> mary: no? >> lindsey: not that i can remember ! >> mary: happy birthday to you happy birthday to you !

happy birthday .. hhhhh (cake is falling ) ...>> lindsey: aaaaaaa.... >> mary:lindsey!!! aaah! ok ! >> lindsey: i got it ! >> mary: what time is your court day ? >> lindsey: it's at 8:30 mary: these days when i see lindsey it is as if i'm seeing a different woman . she is stronger , she is more determined. we helped her to enroll in nursing school and her legal case is moving forward >> mary: you are so good for my ego ! >> lindsey: hot mama ! >> mary: hot mama! >> lindsey: ok i am hot ! >> mary: you are hot ! >> lindsey: literally i am hot ! >> mary: i know. >> lindsey: i am sweatin' ! >> mary: that's all right >> lindsey: it's cool ! >> mary: yeah we are good. >> lindsey: i wanna start liven' my life the way it should be lived... with a sober attitude and living life to its fullest.

i have to because if i don't ... i'm gonna die ! [ captioning provided by linktv.org]