propriety in my part, then i'm to blame for giving them cause. what? that's right. i claim full responsibility and take it as evidence of my sinful nature that-- that i was cause for such a dreadful scene. i repent and beg your forgiveness. you mean you admit you led my wife on? you see, i told you, dad. he admits it. that's right, son, i do. and you were going to entrust him with our life savings, medford. i admit it all. i admit that in my--my eagerness to express my--my gratitude for your generosity, i overstepped myself. in my joy at your openness and charity, i failed to heed the signs. what signs? well, the signs that you wish to carry our meeting yesterday beyond the innocent occasion that i was expecting. what are you talking about? oh, it doesn't matter. i accept full responsibility. what i intended as--as an invitation of sharing joy and thanksgiving, you intended as an invitation of a different sort. i should have realized what was happening sooner but your son intervened before i've had a chance

to dissuade you. from what? yes, from what? oh, my goodness, mrs. parnell. i don't believe you've been entirely open with your husband as to what happened yesterday. ellie, what is he suggesting? what else happened? nothing else happened, medford. danny and i told you the whole story, all of it. well, someone here is lying and i want to know who. now, brother parnell, in my study of scripture, i've come to learn that one story often admits of many interpretations and they don't always agree. now, i maintain my guilt in failing to have recognized and curb your wife's impulsiveness and i believe i can offer proof. as you know, this young man here saw fit to eavesdrop on our conversation and made this little record of our exchange. that's right. and that big creep stole it. in a fit of righteous indignation,

mr. bellicosi took temporary custody of the tape. it's mine and you had no right to take it. now, son, i intended to return this tape today. but i wonder if maybe it couldn't help to clarify this confusion. wait, you want medford to see the tape? well, it would settle what went on here. my point exactly. wait a minute. danny, can you show this on tv? you bet. medford, he's up to something. you can't trust this man. ellie, sit down and be quiet. i don't go around judging people without knowing the facts. now, i don't know who's out of line here, but i sure as heck intend to find out. and woe betide the guilty party. danny, play the tape. thank you, mrs. parnell. truly, the generosity of the lord is in you.

come, won't you join me in a prayer of thanksgiving? oh, lord, we thank thee for the kindness and generosity of this family. grant me the privilege of somehow repaying it. speak that i may know what i can do in return. you want to have sex with me. please, sister parnell, do not misconstrue my meaning. our pleas to our lord and savior, can you not frame your thoughts and words of prayer? i want you. no, no. sister parnell, you must pray with me. speak what is in your heart. lust. witness, oh, lord, forsooth, it does aggrieve my heart but with the laying on of hands must i reject this occasion of sin. now, confess, my child, confess through me unto the lord. confess your all too human weakness. are you asking me to indulge your carnal appetite? please, reverend tarbrush, please. oh, man. medford, medford... would both of you please-- this--this isn't right. --please be quiet?

reverend tarbrush. yes, brother parnell. on behalf of my wife and my son and myself, i must beg your forgiveness. [music] with this, thy bounty which thou has bestowed upon our humble family, undeserving though we are of your generosity, we beseech you, oh, lord, to guide our behavior and paths that are pleasing to you and to forego the temptations of-- get your butt back in that chair-- and to forego the temptations of satan wherever they appear. should he tempt us to lie, give us strength

to tell the truth. should he counsel rebellion, make us to obey. where he would confound us with great confusion, banish it from our sight. and should satan attempt to lead us astray, return our steps to the path of righteousness. to these ends, oh, lord, we dedicate ourselves. and as a token of our faith in you, we promise to forego our plans this saturday night and promise to attend the family unification crusade televival with your servant, the reverend orville c. tarbrush.

we thank thee in the name of our lord, jesus christ, amen. over the country, in coffeehouses, galleries, wherever performance artists appear, there is a fear that the funding rug will be pulled out from under them. on art news today, we'll be talking to two well-known performance artists who were actually turned down by the national endowment for the arts. on my right is performance artist american jesus, and on my left, the anonymous poet of rage. i'm sick and tired of all the morons they keep sending me to interview on this show. why can't they send me something a little intelligent, something to have a decent-- [music] ♪ return tomorrow return tomorrow ♪ ♪ return to me, return to me

now, i don't have to tell you, my fellow believers, what the natural consequence of all this is. you know as well as i do god-- "thou shall not commit adultery." and then just to be sure we got the message, he added another commandment, "thou shall not even covet thy neighbor's wife." we know the rules and we also know what comes of disobeying them: misery in this life, an eternal perdition in the next. in our time of permissiveness, we have witnessed the wages of this sin. we have witnessed the teenage pregnancies. excuse me, friend. huh? excuse me, friend. why, i-- excuse me. ...of that abomination and god said, "homosexual--" yeah? we are the parnell family and we've come to join our voices with the chorus of the saved. oh, yeah. you can go ahead and sign the guest register list

and then you can go on in. i won't need all of you to sign, mr. parnell. just list the number in your party. i can feel the energy. yes. yes. i can feel the energy of the lord's healing power. hallelujah. can you feel it? i can feel it. can you feel it? yes. i say, can you feel it, my fellow believers? amen, amen. i can see a picture. ooh, it's coming to me now. i can see your picture of a young man, right here in this room who is harboring a secret. or shame. oh, no. help him to come forth. help him to come forth and make confession of this misdeeds for he had abused the temple of the lord almighty in which his spirit doth reside. ooh. impure thoughts have given rise to impure deeds.

and his good right hand has become the servant of satan. oh no. that fist that should be raised against the transgressions of the demon has been employed instead in the gratification of the unholy flesh. oh. come forth. come forth, my son, and make confession before jesus and his holy chosen people. stand forth, i say, and reveal yourself unto the lord. lord, please forgive me, god. oh, it's me you're talking about. i'm the one. lord in praise, thou in his wisdom and his righteousness draws forth repentance from the heart of the sinner. hallelujah. for it is written if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off and cast it forth. oh. so sayeth the lord, amen.

amen. now let us bow our heads in silent supplication and invoke the forgiveness of the lord almighty. for his lambs come home to the--forth. come home to the fold. after which, if he can-- will lead us all in the glory of song. amen. amen. amen. and now my fellow believers, let us raise our voices to him who is our only solace in this garden of despair. so hear me. who is our only light in this dark, light of evil. amen. with him, who without which, he had thine are lost. great. oh. him who giveth thee what thou hast and taketh from thine what thou hast not any longer.

nor would, on the other hand, not wish to covet from thy neighbor in the first place. thank you, lord. thank you. open your hearts to the lord. praise the lord. open your voices to the heaven and open your wallets to those good souls who will now pass among you with the collection baskets. amen. [music] ♪ onward christian soldiers marching as to war ♪ ♪ with thou cross of jesus going on before ♪ ♪ christ our lord and savior ♪ ♪ leads against the foe forward into ♪ excuse me, sir. i was wondering if you could help me, please.

it would be a pleasure, ma'am. how can i help you, ellie? oh, no. no, you're not gonna start that again. start what? look, this note you sent me said that you wanted to apologize. now, do you? of course, i do. well, fine. then i'm gonna stand right here and listen while you apologize, and then i'm gonna go back in there and return to my family and pray to the lord that he will help me to undo the damage that you've done. now, ellie, you ought not get so round up. a pretty thing like you ought not get so riled. although i must admit, it brings up your color in the most becoming way. i did not come here to hear your flattery. i came here to hear your apology. and it is forthcoming. but first let me ask you, have i really caused damage between you and your loving husband? what do you mean? [music] ♪ soldiers, marching as to war

♪ with the cross of jesus going on before ♪ ...cure thee of our gambles in the pastures of the lord. now, no one will doubt the innocence of our-- i could spend time for your religious obstruction. look... ♪ voices in the triumph song ♪ glory, laud and honor unto christ the king ♪ ♪ this through countless ages men and angels sing ♪ ♪ onward christian soldiers marching as to war ♪ what deal? about maryanne. oh, the-- ♪ with the cross of jesus going on before ♪

and so that's deal. we can each get what we want, and nobody's the wiser. and what could better than that? well, i don't know. i'm gonna need a little time to think about it. how much? well, just a little, just a little more time. all right. but you've gotta give me a little assurance that you're dealing in good faith. well, what kind of assurance? oh, a little payment on the account, a little something personal to keep up my interest in the negotiations. like what? oh, i don't know. how about your shoe? what? take off your shoe and hand it to me, your right shoe. what? why ever would you want a woman's shoe? why would... not a woman's shoe, ellie, your shoe. oh, all right.

now give it to me. oh, thank you kindly. i feel like--i feel like this is just the first of many donations you're about to give to the saintly reverend tarbrush. oh, now the other one. uh hmm. oh. oh, but this is fine. oh. oh, my. yes. oh, my brothers and my sisters, you can just hang on to your piety and you can save your mortal souls 'cause the reverend tarbrush will take care of the rest. how about it, ellie? are you feeling the call stirrin' in you? well, yes. yes, i think i am. i think--well, maybe we could get together on this. oh, now that's just the news i wanted to hear. and now, sister, you gotta help our crusade. you gotta keep those donations coming. now come on, ellie, take off your panties then hand them to me. whoa, reverend tarbrush, don't you think that we're

going just a little bit too-- oh, all right. all right, whatever you say. all right, here they are. now that you're in a giving mood, let your whole estate follow onto me. come on, ellie, take it all off. it's futile to try to resist. yield, ellie. yield onto my will, for my will is the will of the almighty. all right. all right. all right, i will. i will, but first,rville, can ask you a favor? well, of course, my sweetness. whatever is it? well, it's just a little embarrassing to ask, but--well, it just really turns me on. would you mind if i whisper it in your ear? oh, not at all.

ooh, sweet jesus. oh, lord, punish us. but if it'll make you happy, i'll do it. now, you wait right here and you get real comfortable, and i'll be back with a big ol' surprise that'll knock your eyes out. whoa. come on. come on, let's go. take it easy, aunt ellie. you're gonna pull my nails off. [music] haven't you got it patched up yet? got what patched up? well, boy genius here thought he could figure out a way to hook up the wire from the cameras back in the lobby to the wire that makes the antenna work. the broadcast feed. well, what would that do? well, theoretically, it would allow us to hook the output from the surveillance cameras into the satellite transmission line, which would boost the carrier signal. theoretically, it would let all of tarbrush's happy home viewers see just what he was trying to pull on you, aunt ellie. yeah, but it didn't work. you got out of there before we could hook it up to the satellite feed.

oh, well, i'm sorry to disappoint you, kids, but the time was right for leaving. oh, no, we didn't mean that. no, aunt ellie. i mean, if i had to watch you play to that son of a bitch for one more second, i would have launched my lunch. well, that's all right. we'll just have to get another shot at him. hey, danny. what, mom? well, shouldn't that green wire go to the common terminal? oh, yeah. and now, i, the reverend orville c. tarbrush present onto you the mighty instrument of salvation. and i really do believe the most shocking thing about all of this wasn't the reverend's unorthodox appearance before his congregation. although, i must say i was surprised as anyone by his obvious shortcomings. but that's not the real problem tarbrush is creating. i think he's creating an atmosphere of suspicion

that would do serious damage to those of us who are trying to spread the word of jesus. i have no sympathy for the man-- you have been treacherous and deceitful-- --he has--disgrace upon us all-- --convincing that slut wife of yours to entrap me. well, well that is conspiracy, my friend. and don't you try to deny it-- excuse me, miss. excuse me. sorry. can i help you? yes. i think so. my name is maxwell lowell. i'm here in connection with the reverend orville tarbrush. is he here? are you an attorney? yes, in the manner of speaking. is tarbrush your client? yes, in the manner of speaking. now, will you show me in? why would anyone wanna represent a slime bag like tarbrush? haven't you got any morals? the law is the law, young lady, and it must be upheld. now, are you going to show me in? all right. this way. excuse me, there's a mr. maxwell lowell here to see the reverend tarbrush. you can call me buck, little girl.

all the ladies do. you just don't hear them right. now what can i do for you, mr. lowell? well, you might say i'm here on a legal matter. well, you've come to the right place, this is a law office. are you connected with the reverend tarbrush here? not yet. but i expect i will be before i leave. well, if you're looking for business, you're wasting your time. i'm well represented by my attorneys here from the family unification crusade. i might suggest, however, you talk to mr. parnell here who's gonna need considerably better counsel than his well-meaning brother-in-law by the time i get through with him. then you are planning to appear in court? you're damn straight. i'm gonna sue his ass for defamation of character, malicious libel, and what else? conspiracy. that's right, conspiracy and fraud. fraud? that's right. you fraudulently deprived me of money you promised and i accepted in good faith from that wife of yours. and you listen here, buster.

you better have damn good evidence to back up those charges you just made 'cause i'm gonna haul your sorry ass in the court and sue you for every damn cent you're worth. calling me a hypocrite and a fraud in front of all these witnesses was your big mistake, buster. what do you say, am i right or am i right? you're right, orville. you're damn right i'm right. now come on, we got business to take care of. i'll see you in court, asshole. just a minute, reverend tarbrush. i'd like to have a word with you. well, i've got no argument with you. no, no, you don't. in fact, i just wanted to agree with that last thing you said. i expect you will be seeing these boys in court. yeah. in fact, i expect you'll be seeing lots of folks in court. what do you mean? well, when i said i was here on a legal matter, i wasn't really looking to represent you. what i had in mind was more along the lines of arresting you. what? on what authority? united states department of justice, good enough? well, that's ridiculous. and what are the charges? interstate commerce and pornography. huh, you're joking with me. no. no, i'm not.

it seems your little adventure the other day got more exposure than y expected. now i didn't mind so much myself; in fact, i love the hat, but your tv signal gets sent to a few places where folks just aren't quite as tolerant as you and me, and that's where you got trouble. you have no basis for charging my client. i didn't use to, but now i do. under what statute? under a new provision of the commerce code, the tarbrush initiative, i think, they call it. well, you don't seriously believe. i keep telling you, it doesn't matter what i believe. all i've got to do is find 12-pointy headed little registered voters in a trailer park somewhere in the ozarks who don't like what they saw you do. bingo, i've got an indictment. well, you can't get a conviction. doesn't matter. the publicity alone ought to put you out of business. well, it's not fair, it can't be legal. it is now. we'll fight it, won't me? we won't take this lying down.

it's an infringement on my precious civil liberties. we'll take this all the way to the supreme court if we have to. go ahead. fighting in court is what i'm paid for. in fact, i've got the entire federal government behind me. what have you got? you might as well pack it in, buddy. i'm warning you, you can't-- well, i won't let-- oh, come on you, guys, just don't sit there. protect me. oh, brother parnell, i beg of you. oh, i have sinned. oh, oh, sweet jesus, i call upon you to bear witness to my sin. oh, i have sinned. [crying] [music] also, we'll find out what lies ahead for us in the weather scene, when larry tells us about a major stormfront that's headed our way.

but on the top of the news, the reverend orville c. tarbrush was arraigned today on federal obscenity charges. the popular television minister surrendered to justice department authorities at the federal building this afternoon. correspondent amy biondi has more on that story. well, steph, in what seems almost a case of poetic justice, the reverend orville tarbrush, one of the staunchest opponents of obscenity in the media, was arraigned today on charges that he violated a number of federal laws, including interstate trafficking in pornography. pull it down, slow it down. breathe. slow it down, put your heart rate down. [music] ♪ oh, she's my enemy ♪ oh, my enemy

♪ oh, she's my enemy ♪ l-i-s-s-a, l-i-s-s-a l-i-s-s-a ♪ and this is your uncle lawrence who was married to the woman who we thought was your mother, but actually she was not. she wasn't? no, not at all. your mother was the woman with whom he had a short affair just before the plane crashed. plane crash? oui. the crash that claim the life of lawrence and the mysterious dr. vincent. only he was not... agents of the justice department arrived here at the federal building about 1:30 this afternoon with the reverend tarbrush already in custody. he was whisked from the car into a nearby hallway, where an elevator carried him to the fourth floor courtroom

for his arraignment. once there, he was confronted with 17 charges, ranging from violation of federal pornography statutes to extortion and racketeering. at the request of his attorney, tarbrush was granted a delay until next tuesday when he will appear once again to enter his plea. amy biondi, channel 8 news, at the federal building. thanks, amy. we'd like to point out that among the charges the reverend is facing, the most serious stem from the newly enacted senate bill 9903, the so called tarbrush initiative. stan? if you've been wondering what the slimy green things are that you keep finding in your kids' lunch boxes, stay tuned. patty uhero has the answer. [music