narrator: interpersonal violence... a major cause of injury and death in the united states. it's the leading cause of death in a black adolescent. man: the leading cause of death for african american males, 15 to 24 years of ageis h. the single largest cause of trauma to women between the ages of 15 and 44. and he said, "shut up, i told you to shut up" and he slapped me across the face and knocked me down. violence is, in fact, a fatal illness. and, in fact, in this country, it's now an epidemic.

most violent crimes are recorded as an assault, robbery or homicide... but another common form of violence is abuse. dispatcher: yes, what's the problem? woman: help, he's here again. he's beating me up. when someone takes advantage of a relationship by using force, or threatening to use force, it is abuse. - who is it? - it's my husband. the most common place for it to occur is in the home. david bennett: i think one of the things that is very hidden in our societies,

certainly societies that have levels of outward violence, is violence within the family, directed at women and children. about one in three women is more likely to be abused in some form in her life domestically, by someone she loves or knows. and he kept hitting me in the face and punching me in the ribs... and i had a bloody nose and i was scared to death. we had this amazing 19-year-old girl come up the ramp into the clinic pushing one of those dual carriages with the twin boys in it. and she comes in, walks in the door and she says, "the premature baby clinic across the street sent me here. they said you might be able to help me." and she says, "he started beating me again." and the story unfolded that she had delivered these two little boys prematurely,

because she had been severely beaten in pregnancy, a very common thing in pregnancy. a large percentage of women in pregnancy are beaten, interestingly enough. and she delivered these babies prematurely and they were blind. and he was now beating her again and was furious with her for having given him these little boys that were not perfect. and she says his next step is he's going to kill these little boys. though violence may be as old as civilization itself, it wasn't until the early 1970s, that it was finally named a public health problem. looking at violence from a health or public health perspective has been very helpful, both because it means one looks at those factors that lead to and contribute to violence-- factors that you can do something about, preventively or even in a treatment sense, but it also tends to decriminalize things

so that you can approach communities from a non-judicial, non-police point of view, and that is often that is often more acceptable for communities. communities are able then to undertake things. in a one year period in the early 1980s, dozens of african american children were abducted and murdered in georgia. alarmed, and determined to help, jennie trotter began working towards violence prevention in her community. jennie trotter: i became aware of communities that had very little resources. i mean, in fact, none. as a result, these kids were very idle, getting involved in juvenile delinquency and just nothing going on in the community, so it became the community program... we were able to get state funding and since then, we've branched out doing so many things. "i've come this far for free statand i won't turn back,en,

i'm climbing the highway from my old dirt track..." one of the many programs that she developed, is the simba violence prevention program for incarcerated youth. "laced with wisdom, came up in the ghetto where they're killing, where young brothers' occupation be drug dealing. where in prison we die slow..." tarita triplet is program coordinator. the four objectives of the simba program is to teach violence prevention, african american history, vocational skills and artistic classes. millicent pierce is one of the simba instructors. this program "count the cost" was started as a result of my own experiences with violence, first as a victim of violence, second as somebody who fought fire with fire. i was in an abusive relationship. my husband would fight me all the time, and i ended up killing him in response, and i served time in prison as a result. more than 50% of all homicides are a result of violence between family members, friends or acquaintances.

that's right. it's not strangers, it's people that know each other that are hurting each other and killing each other, more than 50%. so we've got to look at what's going on with people. why are we hurting our loved ones and the people that we know? there are many approaches to answering this question. some studies are focusing on environmental factors that may contribute to violence. others are asking if genetic make up could predispose certain people to act violently. well, we think that genes are important for violent behavior, but it's clear that the environment is also important, the way a child is raised and the type of society that they find themselves in. some new studies suggest that it's actually nature and nurture together that are most important. those studies were performed in iowa and they looked at adopted children and they examined both the biological parents as well as the parents who were adopting the children. they looked for signs of trouble, signs of criminal bevior,

and then classified the children according to wther their biological or genetic ckground had problems, and/or whether or not their adoptive home environment had problems. whatas interesting was that, it took both a bad genetic background and a so-called "bad environment" to produce the highest levels of problems. aggression probably caused many-- caused by many factors like social or environmental situations but biology may also play a role there. there is a dutch family-- they have eight or nine males-- committed a very severe criminal act. when they looked closely, they found there was one particular gene that was abnormal in the violent members of the family. when you have findings in a human, we're not sure whether this is because the missing of this gene or some environment in that family that caused the male give aggressive behavior.

so we decided to study in mice, where we can specifically remove one gene and see if it would result into the same aggressive behavior and we find this is the case. you shouldn't think that everybody who's violent has a problem with this gene. in fact, this mutation has been found in that family and only that family in the entire world. so obviously this is not what's causing all of the violence that we see. why is it that there are three times as many men who die from gunshot wounds as women? why is it that young boys are three times as likely to commit suicide as young girls? you could say that we already have a very good genetic marker for violence and that is the y chromosome. that's of course the male chromosome found in all men and not in women. the simple fact of the matter is that men commit almost ten times more murders, more violent crimes, than do women.

so there's something about maleness which is linked to aggression and to violence. so we talk a lot about the problem. we know the problem, don't we? we live the problem, we see it around us every day. the question is, what are we going to do about it? now there are 9 risk factors for violence, as taught by the omega disease model. it's the best thing i've seen. we have to learn to recognize them, and we have to learn to eliminate them out of our lives. and they are: guns. ( together ) guns. i think, of course, the accessibility to violent weapons plays a role in this. if violent weapons weren't as accessible, there would be less violence because lots of it occurs impulsively. pick up the gun, pull the trigger, and that's all there is to it. gail wyatt: now certainly gun control is a piece of that, you know, one of the tools that people use

to commit these acts of violence. we've got to take responsibility for that because the more available weapons of destruction are the more people will use them. you know, the most startling statistic about littleton? not that 12 kids got killed, that's horrific, that's the worst thing you could ever imagine-- but that, in addition to that, the school reported 76 firearm violations at the school during those 12 months. dean hamer: if you compare seattle to vancouver, those are two very similar cities, equal amounts of rain, close to one another physically, socioeconomically quite similar. the amount of violent crime in those two cities is virtually identical. but if you look at the number of murders, it's ten times higher in seattle than it is in vancouver. what's the difference? the difference, very simply, is that in the united states, you can easily purchase guns. in canada, you cannot. we've lost two children to guns in this practice.

both teenagers-- one was caught in a gun exchange over drug money. another was shot because she was dating someone's boyfriend at twelve. - drugs. - drugs. - alcohol. - alcohol. they very much increase the impulsive amounts of violent behavior as they are intended to be dis-inhibitors of ourselves. and so alcohol and drugs, cocaine in particular, is very provocative to violence. a lot of guys-- they are really fighting over the drugs now. they want to sell drugs because it's good way to make money. i think certainly drugs, gangs, these are predisposing factors. we know from the studies-- kids who take drugs, kids who are involved in gan, are more likely to be involved in violent acts. police officer: a lot of this substance abuse is regarding despair.

they don't have anything else that gives them temporary relief from their everyday problems. "keep a clear head, no drugs or alcohol." you can show kids as early on as the-- early as they can learn coping skills, if you can follow this up, the coping skills they get as a result of it, you know, can deter them from future drug use, if they have the skills to deal with, you know, anger, or being lonely or being scared, you know, all the things that people-- that drive them for this. - destructive language. - destructive language. most cases of domestic violence start with emotional violence, the first step-- "you're dumb, you're stupid, you're ugly, you're fat, you don't deserve anybody better, you're lucky to have me..." see, there is power of life and death in the tongue. "cause if somebody calls you the "n" word or the "b" word, it's on then, right? it's on! so see, we have to understand

that there is the power of life and death in the tongue. looking at children, oftentimes, watching children who are living with constant... constant... nastiness, and "you're worthless," and "i wish you'd never been born," and "i wish you were dead," and "you're stupid," and "why are you fat?" and... what could i do to disrespect you? i need to know. you can disrespect me by putting me down. putting you down? okay. - continuously putting me down. - okay. and talk about the rage reaction that is then suppressed that then has to play out someplace else. that must be an enormous rage that's building up inside of that individual. people will disrespect you. people are going to say what they want to say, they're going to do what they want to do. you can't control that or change that, can you? no. and it's going to hurt you, too, isn't it?

we have to deal with that pain, right? and we don't deal with it by lashing back out at them, right? negative view of women. ( together ) negative view of women. i think society still likes to blame women and children if they're victims, and likes to find a reason for it. and "maybe they did this and maybe did that," "shouldn't have been there," and "why doesn't she leave?" and "why did that kid go with that man?" and, "how come you went into his room with him?" and, "why were you wearing shorts?" and, "why did you open the door?" and we still do a lot of that in our society, and i think that's an enormous frustration. i just reinforced that it was my fault, and i wasn't-- somehow i just wasn't good enough, and that if somehow i could get good enough, then he would stop hitting me. historically, violence within an intimate relationship has been considered a private matter. women could find little helphin from the justice system.

mary: he went to the da's office, to the da on the case, and told him that he didn't want his family on welfare-- that he was real sorry, and that all he needed to know was where i was, and he would come get us off welfare, go into therapy, and make everything okay. and the da told him where i was. i came home from work, he was there, he beat me, he raped me again, and told me if i ever tried to run again he was going to "kill me and the kids, and that's all there was to it." but in 1985, in a landmark ruling, the federal district court reversed earlier rulings-- stating that "a man is not allowed to abuse or endanger a woman merely because he is her husband." counsel. furthermore, a police officer may not knowingly refrain from interference in such violence simply because the assaulter and his victim

are married to each other. louis hernandez: in the past, i know when i first came on, you weren't required to document an incident of domestic violence as you are now. and there's a reason for that. it has to do-- with mainly the victim of that domestic violence was usually the wife, or the girlfriend, or what the situation might be. not in all incidents, but usually in that sequence. and they have become so used to being abused that they almost think it's part of the relationship. so by requiring police to document these incidents, it gives them a better chance of breaking free from that relationship and maybe giving themselves a better chance of moving on. and then there's unhealthy family environment. ( together ) unhealthy family environment. when i encounter, and i have unfortunately encountered a lot of children who have been victims of abuse and that abuse comes in many different forms. it comes in the way of emotional abuse,

of physical abuse, of sexual abuse. gail pincus: they're coming from a background of having seen their father, or their mother's boyfriend, or lover, whoever, physically abuse their mother. and some of them were very severely abused themselves as children. so every time he turned around, his grandfather had him out in the backyard with a switch off the tree, beating him. his grandfather told him that if you didn't beat kids that they grow up bad. and that he only did this because he loved him. astrid heger: those children that are exposed to that family violence-- are the ones that are growing up to spread that violence. we know that witnessing violence against your mother in the household is probably one of the most toxic form of violence for a child to see or to be a victim of.

they are the alcoholics, the drug abusers, the fathers that molest their kids. they are much more likely to-- to be in the criminal justice system. so you have a breeding ground of violence at home. children who come from violent homes have a higher risk of alcohol, drug abuse and juvenile delinquency. though violence impacts every race and ethnic group, it impacts more heavily on those who are poor. astrid heger: one breeding grod ' identifd for decades-- and it's a ground where violence has been a major factor and that is inner city u.s. we've done some amazingly bad things in those communities, like taking the kids out of the community rather than building the communy. you know, the idea of bussing the kids away from the community rather than restoring the community

has allowed this abscess of inner city america to fester as violence. and most of us don't drive there at night. in the streets, the only way you can make a living is selling dope. that's about it, you know. people sling dope to get paid, right? and they get paid, right? excuse me, do people get paid? i think they do. it pays on the front end-- but on the back end, what do you pay with? man: your life. your life, exactly. though statistics sh that vlence disproportionately impacts the poor, there have also been incidents of violence in more affluent communities. gail wyatt: i think that violence in our society is very common... and very perplexing to many americans, because it's reached the upper echelons. as long as it occurred in people of color

or poor people or homeless people, criminals, you know, it was something that people could say, "well, it's those people." but when you see it occurring in suburban areas and in affluent families, and communities, i think it really begins to shake the roots of this society and begins to call into question... what exactly is happening. i think that's very unfortunate. i think if we had been concerned about anyone being a victim of violence, we would have been a lot better prepared but any phenomena that's left unchecked is going to move into the basic core of our society. maybe finally, in this country, because violence has seeped out of inner city, we'll begin to address treating it as an epidemic. and that means that we're not only going to treat littleton, colorado, but we're also going to treat compton, california,

with the same energy in identifying the problems there and creating a community, and giving the kids alternatives to violent behavior and making them understand that being-- that violence is not an ok way of life. and i think that's where the future is. when the medical community begins to deal with an epidemic, it looks for ways to treat those who have been affected and for ways to prevent the disease from spreading. astrid heger: there's two groups of children that we certainly see here and that we're treating. one group are the children who are direct victims of an assault against them, then there's another big grp of kth we're seeing he in this program and that is the childr that are exposed to violence. and we are-- regardless of whether they've ever been hit, whatever, we are engaged in a preventive program with them,

immediately when they've been identified that they're in a violent environment. so if their mother's been hit-- we have a number of children here who've witnessed their siblings killed by caretakers, et cetera-- all of those children get an extensive prevention and treatment plan. so that they-- we begin to give them alternatives and for them to identify that that's not the appropriate behavior. we have to build a system to immunize. that's the other mode of prevention that we talk about when we're talking about an infection. i can't go in that house and prevent that man om hitting his wife inro of his child. but-- i can say when that child comes to the school system, whether it's public or private, from day one... there is a built-in system of prevention--

conflict resolution, violence is not good, it's not okay to hit. stress control and anger management are important elements in the violence prevention programs in atlanta. they give tomorrow's adults the skills they need to cope with stress and anger without resorting to violence. teacher: does everyone have stress? children: yes. right. it doesn't matter how old you are, what ethnic group you belong to, stress can affect you. give me an example of a bad stress. child : when y are about to get into a fight, and you don't want to fight that person and everybody's cheering on, "fight, fight, fight." okay. so that means you're being pressured into doing something that you don't want to do. which is causing you what? ( together ) stress. stress. very g good. when we talk about good eating habits

and we get plenty of rest, would that help to deter stress, if you're eating properly and getting the right amount of rest? would that deter some stress? child: yes. okay. we all have a right to feel stressful, but it's how we manage our stress, that's the key right there... jennie trotter: we know there's a lot of stress, but do we have the opposite? do we have a lot of ways in which to handle it? i say "no." we have more ways unfortunately today to handle it negatively, to be destructive. there's more emphasis on violence or at least more exposure to kids handling stress negatively from either copping out or basically, you know, shooting drugs or, you know, getting high, or doing all the wrong kinds of things to hide some of the feelings that they had. "inside of me there is a heart, and it's missing just one part..." jennie trotter: we've worked with a lot of incarcerated kids and as a result, we've involved them into prevention activities,

role play, music, drama-- a number of things. my name is miss audra, and this is the poetic expressions workshop for simba. and this class is really just about expressing yourselves, and getting it out there, and putting your feelings out there, and saying, "this is what's going on within me... and i'm ready to just shout it out, because if i keep bottled in, i'm going to explode." and you will. "i've come this far for freedom, and i won't turn back, i'm climbing the highway from my old dirt track. i'm climbing, i'm going, i'm scratching-- and i'm growing. and i reap what i've been sowing-- for my skin's not black? you know, i slay, i pray, i waited and sung my song... you beat me, you starved me, but i'm still going strong. you bled me, you treed me, you did everything-- but freed me. ( chuckles ) in time, i know you'll need me-- and it won't be long. you know i found my destination, and i made my vow-- i seen the sun rise deep above the doubt, so whether you abhor me or you ignore me... mighty mansions loom before me,

and i won't stop now. ( applause ) the kids do a performance, and we've had a parent say, when she came, the kid was a narrator, and he also performed in some of the skits, and she came up to me, she said, "this is the first time i've ever seen him do anything positive." the simba program has been extremely wonderful for me because i-- as you've seen i have developed a drama skill that is very powerful to me and as i look to other people while they look at me, they always like, "wow!" and it has helped my self-esteem more, and it gives me something to go on. this is how we're going to start to deal with the anger, anger management-- utilizing poetry, and spoken word, and writing. because we have to learn how to solve our problems and how to communicate without resorting to violence. millicent pierce: anger and violence are not the same thing. anger is an emotion, it's a normal healthy emotion.

everybody gets mad, right? it's martin luther king's example, when people get angry change has happened, policy has changed as a result of unfairness. so it's okay to be angry, but constructively. ( class together ) you can't solve a problem with a problem. you get angry, you go get a gun, is that going to solve your problem? it's going to create a bigger problem, isn't it? that's right. so understand that anger and violence are not the same thing. anger is a normal emotion-- it's how we handle it. violence is a behavior. it's a choice. you make a choice to be violent. you can be mad at me, but it's your choice to go upside my head, right? we let them know they have choices and there's some things you can do-- you can get to the point where you can talk about it. but we encourage parents to look at the fact that they need some choices. either they need to be able to go in their room, they need to be able to turn their music-- they need to be able to go outside and scream, but you can't just say "you can't be angry," you know. because we all know we've been angry, you know. we want you to set up something that's acceptable within the household so that kids can get the anger out. violence is never the answer--

( together ) count the cost. use your mind, instead of your anger. count the cost! count the cost! count the cost! count the cost! all right gentlemen, it's been good, and i guess i'll see you next week, all right? all right. my life is chilling, my life is thrilling-- it ain't no fun to wake up in the morning everybody telling you what you've got to do-- that's a bad feeling. my life is cruel, my life is cool-- you can tell i'm very disciplined, because around here we've got rules. my life is hard, my life is tough-- but i'm built, ready to go, tough-- like a ford truck. "the human condition" is a 26-part series about health and wellness. for more information on this program, and accompanying materials, call: or visit us online at:

we had no idea what the person looked like. we're exactly each others' type. i was crossing my fingers for a week. i was a camp counselor, she was a camp nurse. i got bronchitis, was put in the infirmary. three days later we emerged, involved. (paramedic) thirty-six-year-old female complaining of pain. diaphoretic. hooked to the monitor. st segments elevated... (dispatcher) what's your eta? (paramedic) two minutes. (man) when your body is in shape... (man #2) exercise is important. (woman) high-fat diet... (man #3) ...addiction. (man #4) ...obesity... (woman) fries and a burger...

(woman #2) cancer is going to become the number one killer... [voices overlapping] [theme music plays] (narrator) sexuality is an aspect of life common to all living things. it affects how we feel about ourselves and is a source of intimacy and pleasure, but it has deeper implications in the social order. people are sexual and preoccupied with it from birth to death. nature's plan for us is that we reproduce and that the species maintain itself, and sexual drives are very powerfully a part of that. so we are all, to a much greater extent than we realize, driven by biological forces over which we have relatively little control, or less than we would like to think.

and certainly, at the time of puberty, where the raging hormones do their raging powerful sexual urges, biologically determined, influence both the behavior and thought of boys and girls. boys, for whom i speak with more authority, are preoccupied and obsessed with sex. and most of the girls that i know about maybe to a lesser degree, but certainly it's very much a subject of intense concern and discussion. "how do you do it? what do you do? should you do it? shouldn't you do it?" you know, all that stuff. (woman) you have to decide, "how does that relate to me?" that happens in adolescence when you take the rules and see, "do i want to wait that long? am i attracted to this person or that person?"

then you begin to throw some of those rules out because they don't work for you. that's when selfhood begins to get going, and you begin to articulate your own preferences. (narrator) along the way, sexuality also gets caught up in how people feel about themselves. (golden) when one deals with people with sexual problems who feel inadequate or deficient in some way, you're impressed with the extent to which it's a condition which seems to pervade their entire sense of self-worth. if i sprain my ankle, and i can't walk properly, i'm not going to think i'm a bad person. but if i'm sexually inadequate in some way, i fail to live up to my expectations which will be unrealistic because we don't yet have a good notion of what normality is, i'm going to feel awfully bad about myself

and think of myself as not a good person. it's not just that i've got a part that's not working right, it seems to be very much tied up with our whole sense of self-worth. (narrator) the link between sexuality and self-worth often extends into old age. (golden) one of the nice developments over the last decade is a greater awareness of how important it is to maintain sexual functioning in older people, not so much for pleasure that may be available, but the sense of personal self-worth that's associated with being sexually active and functional. (narrator) what influences attitudes about sex and sexuality? the first clue may be the culture they grow up in. (golden) scandinavian countries have a very enlightened attitude about sexual education,

and they've taught from grammar school on, to the entire population, fundamental things about sex. we start out in a basically repressive society as far as sexual attitudes are concerned. we don't teach openly about it. we had a situation here in georgia--do you believe? we had 123 school systems that found the portrait of george washington crossing the delaware river-- where there's a bulge on his thigh--it's his watch. and they went through and painted over that thigh in all 122 out of 123. the other one, they ripped out the page because they couldn't say the word-- "what could it have been?" of course, his watch. that's where we are in the united states. we're actually painting over sex as though it's not there! (narrator) teaching children about sexuality begins at home,

however the subject is approached. even if parents ignore the subject, they are sending a message. (wyatt) what they're saying is, "i'm not going to teach you about issues "that you hear or see every day of your life "in school or in your community, or in your environment "or with your friends or on television or the movies. i'm going to let someone else educate you." my dad would give me little comments here and there-- "so, you boffing any girls yet?" he didn't! that's as far as that went. my mom, never. my mom is very... very refined, whereas my father, that's the extent of it. this is one thing he said when i was 13 years old. "there's boys, and there's girls. don't sleep with boys." that was it? that's it. that was the height of my sex talk. (nikki) my mom is young and hip. you could talk about anything.

but, when thinking of me doing certain things, she suddenly would be just-- she would say, "you don't want to do that. you want to wait till you're married," and that. by and large, parents do a miserable job. they want their kids to be educated according to values and attitudes that they hold. they don't want to do it, and they don't want anybody else doing it because they'll teach them things they don't want them to know. this is not something we can be silent about. our society isn't silent about it. it's everywhere, and so much more pervasive than it used to be. (narrator) learning about sexuality involves a variety of topics, not onlyhe biology of sex, but also its diversity. there are no two people having exactly the same desires,

much less the same idea of how to consummate those desires: men who prefer blondes; and those who prefer brunettes. women who like a loving, compassionate partner; other women just like a guy with a nice butt. people that want sex morning, noon, and night; other people are happy with once a month or a year. we tend to have the idea that we should all have the same level of desire all the time. now, when you say it directly like that, it sounds foolish, that's impossible. but we are disturbed and distressed when our partners don't have the same level of desire we have. we take it personally and think there's something wrong with them or us. it's more comfortable to think it's something wrong with them. it's almost never the case that we have the same level of desire at the same time. to deal with those differences in an effective way

is a normal phenomenon and one of the tasks of a relationship. (wyatt) if couples communicate well, if they can talk about anything and they are truly friends, that opens the door to having honest conversations about sex. even if they have different arousal patterns, it just makes the whole conversation easier. some people are very happy with one partner all their life; others require a new partner, it seems, every week. there are differences between the sexes. by and large, males like more partners than females do. i was the kind of kid who wasn't much about love but going around and hanging out with several women. that's when i knew i was in love-- i didn't look at anybody else since the day i met her, and i stopped running around. there's a story about calvin coolidge and his wife visiting a farm.

mrs. coolidge sees two chickens going at it, and says, "how often does that rooster do that?" the farmer says, "a dozen times a day." mrs. coolidge says, "would you please tell that to the president?" later, the president comes by. he also sees the chickens, and the farmer says, "mrs. coolidge asked me to tell you they do that a dozen times a day." the president says, "always with the same hen?" the farmer says "no, a different hen every time." the president says, "please tell mrs. coolidge." i was "the boyfriend girl." i liked having one boyfriend. i never really went out with lots of people. (narrator) another aspect of sexuality is sexual orientation. most people prefer members of the opposite sex, called heterosexuality. but a minority prefer members of the same sex, called homosexuality. other people are interested in both sexes, which is bisexuality. before i had language for it, i was aware of something

different about my life. i'm a "lifelong lesbian." i had crushes on little girls and female teachers when i was very young, kindergarten age-- five, six years old. people who have been working in the field of gender preference have told us for now 30, 40 years that there isn't just a dichotomy between homosexual and heterosexual. there's a continuum in a lot of people, somewhere between those two extremes. i appear to have been heterosexual for a period. i dated and enjoyed the company of boyfriends a lot. those sort of sexual feelings i had then were strictly male-centered-- or young boy-centered-- and seemed very, very normal. (narrator) the factors that influence a person's sexual orientation have long been debated. many people who are profoundly,

for religious and cultural reasons, opposed to homosexuality think it's a question of choice, somehow or other disregarding the obvious fact that to be different, particularly sexually different, to be homosexual in a homophobic culture-- subjects you to all kinds of discrimination, vilification, self-loathing and self-doubt. why in the world anybody would choose that escapes my reasoning. before we started our research, there was a lot of evidence that in males, there is a genetic link. once we had a hint there might be a gene on the "x" chromosome, we decided to test directly by looking at people's dna. this is the way we look at dna. dna is too small to see, even under a high-powered microscope. (hamer) the experiment was to get families with two gay brothers and test their dna

for markers on the "x" chromosome. having one form of the chromosome, they're likely to be gay. different form, they're more likely heterosexual. this is the first evidence at the dna level of something genetic for this very fundamental trait of sexual orientation. we're not looking at a "gay gene." that was a misnomer. we're looking at a gene involved in sexual orientation. one version tilts people to be gay, the other more common version, tilts people to be heterosexual. (narrator) but in homosexual and heterosexual communities, there are differences. (hamer) men tend to be either/or. they're gay or straight, without too many people in-between. women seem more flexible and diverse in their sexuality. there are more women who have had sexual experiences with both genders or thought about it

or wouldn't be opposed to it at some point in the future. men also tend to be more rigid in terms of timing. once they decide on their sexuality, they stick with it. women are more likely to change at some point. when i first fell in love with a young woman, i was in my very early 30s, and it was like a thunderbolt. it was totally surprising and not wanted, not sought after, and incredibly powerful. (narrator) what, if any, role does environment play in such experiences? it's unlikely it's classical environmental factors-- the way parents raise the child or where they go to school, because there's no evidence from many studies that those factors are important. (golden) we used to think overinvolved mothers and distant or rigid fathers created male homosexuals.

then we would see there were some families in which there might be two or three children who were gay, or one child who was, and three or four who were not... with presumably some of the same child-rearing having taken place with all of those people, which caused us to postulate pretty unlikely things-- child-rearing for the gay one was different from the others. a lot of people think that lesbianism relates to hating men, and it must be because they were molested by their father, or they had a bad experience on dates, that they turned. well, that's ludicrous, because i think that if there's anybody who has bad feelings toward men, it's somebody who's been in a bad marriage,

or had a bad relationship with men. a lot of lesbians never engaged in relationships with men. a high percentage of women have been molested or ill-treated by men, you'd be overwhelmed with lesbians if that were the cause. i think we'll discover that gender preference and sexual object preference are complicated, determined by environment and heredity. and we'll learn more about it hopefully that will relieve a lot of the onus, and a lot of the discrimination, fe and hatred that makes life difficult for people who are different. (narrator) regardless of a person's sex or sexual orientation, culture again comes into play in the way we express our sexuality. (kay) i don't think it was said directly to me. it was just the general societal expectation--

go to college, meet somebody, and get married. and that's what i did-- that's exactly what i did. (wyatt) you len throh your parents, your friends, your churchigio , there are things you do and don't do. some things you can contradict in your own adult life, but some stay with you and create a template for things we're comfortable with and those we aren't. i saw a young couple the other day, an iranian couple who have spent a fair amount of time in this country but their sexual conflicts have everything to do with the fact that they're struggling as second-generation people to adapt to a culture with different sexual attitudes than the one that they came from, which says strongly and powerfully,

"marry somebody from your ethnic and religious group," and women have to be virgins and men shouldn't be virgins, and certain attitudes and feelings that end up causing problems in their relationship. sometimes those problems have sexual symptoms. so a lot of our sexual stuff has to do with struggling with the restrictions that the culture imposes on us. kinsey found that african-american womena were less likely to touch their bodies for stimulation in the '30s and '40s. i found they were still less likely to touch their bodies. i find throughout my research that even stems into the '90s, that this is a cultural issue that is prohibitive in families. little girls are told, churches tell you, "that's not something that you do." we've also found that women are less likely--

african-american women are less likely to engage in a variety of sexual experiences. where does that come from? kinsey found it, i found it, and i've studied african-american women from ages 18 to 80, the same pattern all the way through. controlling for education, economics, age, all those kinds of things, again, we see a cultural pattern that emerges from data. i had taken on everything society says about homosexuality, and i felt perverted, and deviant, and abnormal and all of those textbook kinds of things. that's been a process to get past that. so i was in therapy for about a year with a therapist in los angeles well known in the lesbian community. heriew, there was a hierarchy of heah-- mental health for homosexuals--

all on a scale of coming out, with people hien and closeted, then coming out to close friends and relatives, to an ultite which was i remember her saying that at some point, and thinking, "the woman is crazy. who would ever prefer that everyone know?" and it was very frightening that we would be found out, but at the same time, the feelings were so intense that i didn't seem to have any power over not acting on them. when adults who are gay go back and talk about their attempts to come out to families, these are where families break down. they can tell painful stories how parents wouldn't listen, kept trying to change them, wouldn't give them support, and rejected them.

we have friends who came out and found their possessions out on their yard. their parents dispossessed and disowned them. i can remember being terrified of telling my children, and feeling strongly that i had to tell my children. falling in love with connie-- if she and i were going to live together, they needed to know what this relationship was. so i eventually, finally, got my courage together. i was terrified they wouldn't love me anymore. i think that's a common thing that can happen. my mom was very supportive, my dad wanted me to realize i shouldn't be going out in marches. i ignored that advice. he said it was okay, but he didn't want to talk about it. we never got to the point where we were comfortable talking about that. i can honestly say i prefer people to know at this point.

(narrator) the intimacy a couple develops over time is dependent upon more than sexual attraction. it has to do with all the other qualities the two people bring to the relationship. (golden) what happens as you get older is manpeople value the idea of an intimate relationship. and many people come to understand that just sex as a release, or as...a "score," a number you accumulate, isn't particularly meaningful. anybody that i've been intimately involved with has been somebody i was seriously dating, or i was close friends with and it ended up becoming more than that. i mean, i've never had one-night stands or anything, i guess because i am afraid of that. it's not worth it at all to me. plus, i don't think that the act of intimacy is probably as good

if it's somebody you don't love, or doesn't love you. that's how i've always thought. (golden) it takes time and effort to develop a relationship. in many wa, the sexual dimensions are parallel to nonsexual dimensions of a relationship. (connie) we knew each other for ten years. we were friends before being lovers. our friendship caught fire. that was wonderful, because we didn't have that time when our hormones were raging, and we had no idea who the other person was. we knew each other before that happened. it was a wonderful way to do it. i could recommend it. in october we will be celebrating our 20th year of living together. that's an important anniversary since we can't get married. (narrator) the strength of a couple is also related to recognition of themselves as distinct individuals.

(wyatt) one misconception a lot of couples have is that the other person has similar attitudes and feelings about life, love, sex, their bodies, any of that stuff. none of that is true. when you find what you consider to be a soul mate, that doesn't make them your twin. and we're in agreement that we're not joined at the hip, and we will do what we like to do separately. she does t'ai chi, i do yoga. [laughs] one of the things i find that a lot of couples i see suffer from is this romantic notion that this person can read their mind. it's an individual's responsibility to communicate what it is they want and need, how they le it, and what they're all about, and that whole piece is part of being a person. ooh! too high! stop, please.

(nikki) th's the good thing. i can say anything-- how i'm feeling, or complain. i know it might drive him crazy. and she will say everything and anything, repeatedly. but he still loves me anyway, so... i think we know how to negotiate well. and because we care so much about each other, i really like it when she's happy. if there's something she really wants to do, and it makes her happy, i want to do it, because that makes me happy. (connie) we're both real clear that we don't like to be yelled at. and that respect is, like, the basis. and if we need to back up and slowly approach a subject, that's what happens. because harsh, sharp words... are really avoided. i don't think we'll do that. it doesn't mean we don't disagree, or don't have tension.

but we try to deal with that in a negotiating, rather than overpowering way. there's yelling at the beginning. he's usually the one who will say, "i don't want to say anything i'll regret. "i don't want to continue. i don't feel like fighting. leave me alone. we'll talk about it--later." i'm the one who goes, "why do you have to leave me alone?" i want to resolve, he wants to cool it. the point is, it's smarter to not resolve it right away because he's not at that temperament yet. then usually he says he's sorry first. i've come to realize, after several arguments, that i'm almost always wrong. that's the first part, what men don't realize. we're wrong most the time. our rationality is off. we have to accept this and we'll be better people. i do have good ideas, but--so does she! and "oh my heavens, if i shut my mouth and listened,

maybe i would get a chance to have you know, the benefit of somebody else's good ideas." (narrator) finally, healthy relationships extend beyond the couples. (wyatt) gaining a network of people around you that are supportive, honest, who are loving and allowing you to be who you are. when i was with my family this week, i said, "i hope i thank you guys enough. "my childhood was happy and great. "i want my kids to have the same happiness, honesty and openness." her family is my family, and my family is her family. so, our family circle has just sort of expanded and expanded a expanded. so i think that's something that helps to cement us. sexuality is a powerful force that affects us all. ♪ i'm gonna let it shine... ♪

(golden) it can be a force for good or a force for evil. i like to think of it as something that can enrich people's lives. it's something which can be grown and nurtured and fostered, and be beautiful. ♪ ...i'm gonna let it shine ♪ ♪ everywhere i go ♪ i'm gonna let it shine ♪ ♪ let it shine, let it shine ♪ let it shine ♪ let it shine, let it shine ♪ let it shine ♪ let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. ♪ (female announcer) "the human condition" is a 26-part series about health and wellness. for more information and accompanying materials, call: or visit us online at:

ox?tññogñgñgoñoñ for more information and accompanying materials, call: annenberg media ♪ by: narrador: bienvenidos al episodio 35 de destinos: an introduction to spanish.