♪ >> pauline lives in thailand, and not so long ago, she lived in a man's world, successful in business,, passionate e about fofootball. backck home from the office or

stadium, this man lived happily with h his wife and daughter. but hidden in hihis heart was t feeling that ever since childhood had never left him in peace. >> a man who chose to be a

woman, leaving family, reputation, everything he had behind. this is the story of pauline and the struggle she and her family faced coming to terms with gender change and changing lives. bangkok, thailand. it's october, 2019, and the bookstore is hosting a reading for the launch of a new memoir. the author is pauline, once a high-flying businessman.

today though, she leads a very different life. the title of her book is "too tight shoes." it tells the story of her long journey from man to woman and the challenges and conflicts she experienced along the way. >> appearances can be deceptive. hidden deep in the hearts of f this man was another person and another gender. he was in pain, suppressing feelings and desires held since childhood. it was like he had spent a lifetime wearing a pair of too tight shoes.

>> pauline was born in 1967. at birth, she was given a boy's name, pinit. it was at the age of fivive tha pinit first felt uncomfortable with his assigned gender.

>> but those thoughts remained a deep secret. one reason was her father, a devoted but strict man. >> as a boy, she trained to become a thai boxer, desperate to pleaser had father.

>> her father thananu is 80 yea old. now retired,d, he lives a quiet life in bangkok.

>> pinit knuckled down at school too, graduating from one of thailand's leading universities. he worked in marketing at a major bank and then a car manufacturer. still in his 30s, he rose to become ceo of a sportswear company. outside of work, pinit was just as driven. he set up a fan club for the thai national football squad. his career and sporting contributions made him a public figure. at the age of 39, pinit

remarried. his second wife, em, was 14 years younger. they had a happy marriage. >> five years into the marriage, em gave berth to a baby girl. the devoted father showered their long-awaited child with affection. but something started to change. >> looking after his growi daughter, a feeling stirred in pinit's heart. he was seeing himself in a different dimension, as if

through his daughter. he was starting to have thoughts he didn't think he should be having. if he were born female, he might have been an arable g girl like his daughter. family member arrived on the scene, but only pinit got to see her or even knew she existed. her name was pauline. at first, she stayed in the shadows, making brief appearances as pinit began to secretly dress as a woman. after years locked away in the closet, pauline wanted to look her best. pininit bought dresses and lingerie, telling shop clerks they were gifts for his wife.

next came secret trips to an empty beach. herere he dressed as a woman in the open for just ten minutes. gradually, the number of outdoor excursions increased. >> scared of these feelings, pinit tried to reassure his male

ego. he went to bars and clubs to flirt with beautiful women. he found himself gazing longingly at their body, but his desire was not sexual. two personalities, pinit and pauline, were in conflicict. whose life was this?

>> p pinit suffered for three years but couldn't talk to his wife or friends about it. the only person he could talk to, his last hope, was his mother krongkan.

>> still hiding his pain, pinit had a proposal for his wife. he suggested they open a small restaurant in herer hometown. it had been their dream since marriage. for pinit, it offered a way of supporting his wife and daughter if he decided to become a woman and lead his own life. that decision took another two years.

he was starting to fight with his wife. the time had come to tell her he was thinking of becoming a woman. >> pinit started climbing the final steps to a transition. he begegan takingg hormone drug. three months later, his body began to change.

>> pinit felt the battle within was coming to an end. if it lasted any longer, botothe and she would lose and lose everything. he gathered his courage and told his wife he had to leave. i can't stand it anymore. i had no other choice but to become a woman.

for that, i must part with you and my daughter. >> in 2015, pinit ended his nine-year marriage with his wife, em. >> returning to bangkok, she began her life as pauline. but there was a new problem.

dressing like a woman was one thing. feeling feminine bototh inside d out was s another.r. >> luckily, pauline had new friends who could guide her through this difficult period. people in the lgbt community she

met after coming out as trans gender. they didn't care how they were seen by others and enjoyed life being who they were. ♪ >> slowly the fear and anxiety that pauline felt faded away. she was ready to step back in the public spotlight. in march 2019, a new opposition party invited pauline to run as a candidate in national

elections. the experience cultivated in her life as a man proved useful in the campaign. on this day, she came to support a young trans gender candidate. >> in the end, pauline failed to win a seat. but the election resulted in thailand's's first four tranans gender membersrs of parliament. pauline is actively moving towards new dreams.

she's planning to build a transgender football team, making use of her deep involvement she had with football when she was a man. >> pauline has found her true identity. she's taken off the armor and

rebuilt her life. her relationship with her mother is changing too.

>> once a month, pauline heads for a small town 400 kilometers south of bangkok.

>> every visit to see em and their daughter lasts several days. pauline also supports them financially.

>> pauline's daughter, now 8, is back from school.

♪

date ina historic delaware, senator kamala harris the first woman to be named on a major presidential tickeket. i am lauren taylor. this is al jazeera, live from london. also comoming up, a large show f defiance in belarus, protesting against the crackdown that has seen thousands of protesters detained. the cost of rebuilding beirut. billions of dollars are needed, but with the economy in tatters, where will the money come from?? ande