and, like, you're making change, 'cause i know you are and it's helping me, too. it's nice to have parents that are rocks, you know? it's good to have -- to see this in you, you know? i want you and austin to be okay, because you're -- that's a lot of it. i mean... i just d't feel like -- yeah. i want to be okay. i lost somebody i shouldn't have lost. i should have been there for them, so "proud" would have been noticing, realizing, helping him then, but now that he's gone, everything i do is just -- it's all lost time, making -- it's catch-up, it's catch-up for something that can never be caught up again. so... but not that -- i don't know. when people ask you if you're proud, you know, it's good that you say that, but at the same time, it's like,

i'm so sorry that i lost your brother. but we all lost him. you know? no, but i'm his mom. i know. i'm trying -- you know, i've revised the letter a couple of times, and i wanted to kind of take out the -- there's a little bit of a shock value, 'cause the first thing i talk about it is zack taking his life and the impact on our family, and i rewrote the letter to try to take that out, to take out the shock value, but then it seemed the letter felt so bland to me. it's like, that's the whole thing, that pain, that emotion, that this man has caused pain for us, and i want people to have a sense of that. am i saying he caused my son to take his life? of course not, he did not. i don't even know for sure that zack heard him. but people did hear him. he caused pain -- this man caused pain, and, um, i think people need to know that, and the only way i can think to convey that is to describe what we went through. "on october 5, my son, zack harrington, took his own life.

within days, people began to link zack's death to the september 28 norman city council meetin where a small minority of our town felt free to verbally attack peopleho are gay simply and solely because they are gay. for months, i was not able to listen to that meeting. in the fog of grief that became my life, i also did not have much awareness of city council elections. norman is now preparing for another city council election. i want to make sure people know that pastor chad williams, ward 8 candidate, also spo against people who are gay at that city council meeting. the solution does not lie in stigmatizing and rginalizing people who are gay or peoplwho have stds. the solution lies in mprehensive sex education, counseling, and giving people who are gay the same civil rhts that the rest of the population enjoys. norman does not need people like pastor williams

making important decisions about our city. we deserve better than that. norman is better than that. nancy harrington." it's done. i sent the letter and i got a response back the next morning from the editor of the paper, who said they don't publish letters supporting or against candidates. van: i get the feeling that it's brush it under the rug, hide it in the corner, we don't want to talk about it, and if you don't talk about it, then it'll go away. the norman transcrip■ in my opinion, has fallen dn on their job. rit now,he article is the done deal,

it won't get published, but by us trying to get this article published, it has now encouraged me to maybe make another step and get enough energy, and i can pull up enough energy to do one step at a time. i feel like i have to turn to him and ask for, you know, an explanation or his forgiveness that i'm not doing enough. and i want him to know that i'll keep trying every day for something, and i don't know what -- every day, i don't what that something is, but i'll do -- i will do somethg for him every day.

i'm gonna ask the guy what's best. he's the artist, kind of keep it up to him. all i got is a basic idea and a purpose. man: is this your first tattoo? yes. excited? butterflies. nervous. if you weren't nervous, i'd be a little concerned. yeah, i was telling austin on the way down here, i said i'm getting like butterfly feeling. so how long were you in marines? four years. i did 20 in the air force. yeah? i can remember exactly where i was with every tattoo i've ever had and what was going on. every one? every one. it's amazing. when each one of my kids was born, i'd hold 'em up to the stars and the moon and i'd tell 'em that the world was theirs. that's cool. yeah, and that was a private thing between me and my kids. so the night that he died, i went outside and,

but i looked up at the sky and asked god to take care of my son, so that's kind of the reason for the star. when you're ready, you can take your time getting up, take a look at that in the mirror. okay. oh, yeah. superstar. absolutely. and i really, really wish that he could look down and see how much i do care and that he would feel proud of what i'm trying to do, 'cause i'm trying hard to be open. how does a young person who is h.i.v.-positive and gay in a...bible belt community deal with it when he thinks he lives in a community

that is supposed to be inclusive and he fds out overnight at a meeting on tuesday that this town is not -- not as understanding? nancy: jackie's been trying to win a campaign where she doesn't attack chad, but the election's on tuesday, and at the end of last week was a letter mailed to registered republican voters. williams: there was another piece who we don't know who sent it. it was pretty intense. "sex, lies, and videotape!" is what it was titled, she hasn't been up-front and outspoken about it. nancy: and the first thing says, "sex -- jackie farley is a far-left-wing democrat who along with her partner work tirelessly

as gay rights activists pushing for evation of homosexuals in a special protected class." williams: they kind of made a compare and contrast between us, her lies, sexual preference, she's registered democrat, and it just talked about he's been up-front and truthful, i'm registered republican, things like that. anything that's sent out that doesn't say "paid for lliams for ward 8," i didn't -- i don't have knowledge or didn't send it. it's all a game right now, and both players and their supporters are -- are jockeying and manipulating and maneuvering. it's the american way, you know? nancy: you know, i supported the republican party in the past, i consider myself a republican, but i guess th with zack and losing zack and getting a glimpse of what he went through has caused me to look at everything differently,

and i can't say i'm ever going to be democrat, but it's like i don't know how i can stay with a party that is now aligned with or against the rights of certain groups of people. and if those are the predominant values in the republican party, then i have a choice, either to work within the republican party to -- to support people who don't feel that way or change to democrat. hi, how are you? good to see you. i think the temperature raised about 20 degrees in the last five minutes. williams: when i drove up, chad was already there and we already had our corner staked out.

i just think it's kind of funny, 'cause he looks kind of lonely over there. [ car horn ] i didn't go round up a ton of cheerleaders because i think people want to see me. maybe i might be a little overconfident. i don't know. i don't need people surrounding me, pumping me up all the time, so... van: here it is, 103 degrees outside, and we're waving a sign trying to get jackie elected. in the future, i'm not going to identify with the tea party, and i'm almost embarrassed now to say that i was. woman: jackie farley. she just has a little liberal policies that we disagree with. yeah, 'cause when you look at her campaign literature, it says she wants a "diversified city."

well, what does that mean, you know? to us, that's far-left kooky stuff. last yeathey ved for-- a october for gay pride month. well, you know what? i have a brother and a sister that's gay, but i don't need it in my face that you're gay and parades and all that, and that's what will come next. it's what we're concerned abou have a good day! we voted for chad williams because we're independents but we're conservative independents this is how much a precinct got, and this is a running total, so we're ahead by 15 at the moment. i have how many? 76? and he has 87? well, that last precinct, chad had more, so right now we're only up four votes.

21 me, 2chad. we're tied after four precincts. can't be any closer than this. tied. that'll work, sir, you're good. yeah, no -- farley: 136 to 137. oh, my god! there's two more to go, but the biggest one -- yeah, thbiggest one... there's a big gap. well, it looks like we won, guys. [ cheering ] but most of all, and you all know what's important to me is god. i couldn't have done it

without him walking me through this and giving me the peace to even run. the bible tells us the steps of a righteous man are ordered by god, and so that's what i live by. [ cheers and applause ] hey, chad, jackie. i'm good, thank you. hey, i looked at the numbers. and congratulations, it looks like you won. thank you for running a good, sitive campaign, and we both tried to do the same, and we both did do that. thank you, mm-hmm, bye-bye. he wish it had stayed clean the whole time. i have trouble understanding that. that was devastating, what they did. when people accuse you of being a horrible person, i think that's too much to overcome. i'm disappointed that we let politics play a role in dividing our community again, but i met two people that have come to be very important to me, nancy and van harrington. these two individuals have sacrificed

more than anybody else in this community, in my opinion. what they stand for and what their son stood for and what we ultimately as good people will stand for is that we have to get -- be willing to fight the fight when it's neceary. thank you all for being involved. [ applause ] he killed us in 73. the republicans all got out. oh, darn it. nancy: seeing that letter and seeing jackie and susan put on such a strong face, seeing that hate and knowing it was directed at them and remembering zack...

narrator: i used to pretend to be a homophobe. say, "ew, freaks!" around every corner. but then i realized that this attempt to hide what i was scared of was just pathetic. i began realizing that there was nothing wrong with being gay. so i got to thinking about how a clichéd, childish dream of everyone loving one another would actually not be that bad of a place. in this place, there was no corruption

or unnecessary fighting. the idea of a lovely, cartoony, happy-time world is so far-fetched yet so needed. i can't help but wish for it, no matter how long it will take for it to finally happen. nancy: well, we're here with the equality network, but we're also here as a group that formed the mom group, and it's mothers for children who are gay or lesbian, and actually part of the impetus for starting mom was the suicide of my son, and this picture is my three children

before zachary died, and then my two children that are remaining. also, i'm a republican, and more and more, i hear that -- anti-gay seems to be the view of the republicans, and it's not my view, and we need to love all of our children, so i just would hope that when you're involved in legislation, that you would let people know that, you know, they're hurting people with their anti-gay bills. you guys live in norman -- i do. okay. you live in my district by chance? yes. yes, that's why we're here, actually. yeah, i assumed so but i wasn't sure. i try my best to represent everyby. i'll certaly, as i do on everythin but petitions are just really -- nancy: i think all the time, how did i get to this place? this is not who i am, this is not what i want to be doing, this is not -- it's like i've been taken out of my life and put into another life. i don't forget that if this had not happened,

if i had been able to save my child, then i wouldn't be doing very much of this. and that's tooad, because it's important and it needs to be done. nii: it's too real. nancy: what? i said it's a little too real, all these...

[ crying ] i hope so. i know so. i do. woman: it's buckling there. van: i want to be zack's voice, and this will be a continuing battle, an uphill battle for the rest of my life. nikki: i was hating the fact that he was h.i.v.-positive.

i didn't know how to respect that situation. but now i realize that awareness is the most loving, caring thing you can do. i guess it's like coming out for me. like maybe we all have to come out. nancy: unfortunately, i let my own inhibitions affect the way i raised my children, and that was wrong. but i feel much stronger now. ♪

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