[ whistle blows ] -[ speaking fake chinese ] ♪♪ -how. ♪♪ -it's nice that you can claim your clan to purebred pedigree desceancy, because when the day is done, the color of my skin still marks me as an alien in the country of my birth. ♪♪ -they colonized us, and they are still colonizing us with tourism by millions of tourists.

so they should be grateful that i'm a writer. i'd rather make art than -- than, you know, commit murder. -look out, nigger, the klan is getting bigger. i introduce you to the real boys in the hood. ♪♪ -w.e.b. dubois said at the beginning of the 20th century, he said th the number-one defining problem of america in the 20th century will be race. if you're a member of the dominant race, you may not feel that way. -white americans seem to assume that i live in a segregated society. and they don't realize that they live in a segregated society, that we do. and that the white child is really just as -- just as victimized by this peculiar medieval system as any negro child. and what is worse r the white child -- the white child doesn't know it. -so he gets out the car with his [bleep] like this, right but, see, he had his sunglasses in the car. so when he look at me first from the car, i look darker.

[ laughter ] when he get out, he get confused. [ playing ragtime ] ♪♪ [ war cry ] -there's no intrinsic value of being black. there's no intrinsic value of being white. i mean, it's a fake concept, race. but certainly, i've heard that all my life. and have been oppressed by it all my life. ♪♪ -whoopee! ♪♪ ♪♪ -major funding for this program is provided by... additional funding was provided by...

♪♪ -mr. baldwin, inasmuch as you're one of the outstanding writers of our era, i would like to ask you what you think of the role of the negro in american literature today. -for the first time in american history, i mean, in the history of american literature, i, speaking now as a negro, have been described by you for hundreds of years, and now, i can describe you. and that's part of the panic. ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -once upon a time, there was a delicate oriental lotus petal of the east

who moved to new york city to find fame and fortune at the nail salon at the corner of 125th and malcolm shabazz boulevard. well, "rice, rice, baby" is the first rant that i wrote on the representation of asians in media. like, this perception that all asian people look the same, this perception that all asian people are their jobs, like, we are laundry people and sushi people, but we're not actually people. should she be suzy wong, submissive asian love slave? or a slanty-eyed mama, fierce asian gansta poet? [ cheers and applause ] guess which one we picked, y'all! [ applause ] confucius say, "wise guy round-eye no should be afraid to trade in his home fries for a nice bowl of steamed..." what, lyris? [ strumming guitar ] ♪ rice, rice baby ♪ ♪ rice, rice baby ♪

♪ okay, you wanna steam my dumpling? ♪ ♪ slanty mama gonna make your roll spring ♪ ♪ hi, mr. round-eye white guy ♪ ♪ how you like my straight hair ♪ ♪ and slanty eyes? straight hair ♪ ♪ even straight hair down there ♪ ♪ if you look in my hello kitty underwear ♪ ♪ call me, i'll set you straight ♪ ♪ when you take me on a racially mixed date ♪ ♪ rice, what the honky brothers call me ♪ ♪ spice, garlic, ginger, but no msg ♪ ♪ and if a playa wanna kick some asian game ♪ ♪ i say whatcha think, all asian hoochie look the same? ♪ ♪ perhaps your chink's a nip or a hawaiian ♪ ♪ those japs might be gooks made in taiwan ♪ ♪ order by number ♪ ♪ till you get it straight ♪ ♪ till you're ready for this dish on your hot plate ♪ ♪ rice, rice baby ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ rice is nice ♪ ♪ hey, you, mrs. single white female ♪ ♪ hold still while i manicure your nail ♪ ♪ just right with a delicate french tip ♪ ♪ i got your french tip, wanna see where i shoved it? ♪ ♪ down! like a sumo on the tarmac ♪ ♪ down! mount fuji's on your back ♪ ♪ hot asian mamas in every direction ♪ ♪ gonna give the boys a big connection ♪

♪ 1-900-ching chong ♪ ♪ live action with live suzy wong ♪ ♪ oriental babes ♪ ♪ oriental tricks ♪ ♪ i know how to chop your stick ♪ ♪ yeah, daddy, i'll take in your laundry ♪ ♪ be a mata hari to your james bond ♪ ♪ relax ♪ ♪ 15-minute massage ♪ ♪ or maybe nice origami corsage for your dream date ♪ ♪ with an asian prom queen ♪ ♪ trade your milk for a cup of rice dream ♪ ♪ what you think, chinks? ♪ ♪ i'll tell you what it's about ♪ ♪ who round-eye see when he goes out ♪ ♪ who do you see when you pay for your laundry? ♪ ♪ who do you see when you pay for your sushi? ♪ ♪ rolling asians into one concept ♪ ♪ things you buy and eat and most electronics ♪ ♪ opium, olympic-level ping-pong ♪ ♪ there's more than ping-pong in the life of a ching-chong ♪ ♪ whee ♪ ♪ there's a whole 'nother world ♪ ♪ in the hearts of these oriental girls ♪ ♪ rice, rice baby ♪ ♪ i said word to your mamas ♪ ♪ i said word ♪ ♪ to your dalai lamas ♪ ♪ hoy ♪ so if you have an important message, i think, that poetry is -- poetry is power.

poetry is the ability to use a word and have it directly hit someone's heart. ♪♪ ♪♪ -keats, for instance, or dubois, both said, "what's the job of ptry? truth and beauty." they said that's the job -- truth and beauty. and dubois said the lover of beauty must become the lover of truth. you cannot really love beauty unless you finally come to love the truth, you see? but it's dangerous. ♪♪ ♪♪ -people are intrigued when they see an indian. you know, that's the fascination of it all, you know?

♪♪ and all this stuff kind of oozes out of them about their fantasies and their romance about a real indian. ♪♪ take a picture with a real indian take a picture here today free in san francisco. america like to save her indians. america like to see us dance for them. take a picture with a real indian here today free. -and a real african. -and a real african. -[ laughing ] -i like that. performance is the perfect medium, because there are no rules. thank you, real african. -[ laughing ] brother. -and i can bring in tradition, i can bring in storytelling, i can bring in my fantasies. it's the perfect forum for me, because of the mix that i'm able to present as a performance artist. america likes our arts and crafts. america likes the romance.

america does not like the truth. america likes to take names of our people and name cars and trucks after them. america likes to name film festivals after our ceremonies. we were going through the luna archives at my mom's, the box of photos, and lo and behold, there's a picture of me, my sister, and my brother. i was seven years old, and we're standing with an indian chief at knott's berry farm. with war bonnets, taking a picture with a real indian. and then i remember seeing this cut-out thing of "take a picture with the president" in d.c. and then i thought about it, and i thought about my own personal selling of myself, both in, professionally and personally, and kind of combined the two. i think one of the interesting things for me about this piece is that i'm a part of it, also.

not just by being there, because, i mean, i'm humiliating myself as well as people humiliating themselves, also. take a picture with a real indian. you choose. who is the real indian? america likes to see us on horses. america doesn't like to see us in mercedes. take a picture with a real indian. hi, how are you? -i'm fine. -one, two, three. -thank you very much. -great, thank you. it's not fun and games, it's not "ha ha ha, look at the indian," and, "oh, i get it." no, because this stuff goes on every day. i live it, you know? i might be standing at the college where i work, master's degree, worked there 16 years, and someone will come in the office, a student, and say, "is there a counselohere?" because i don't quite fit that image.

well, why not? take two -- leave one. take one home. ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -in my barrio... ♪♪ hey, mundo grande. once upon a barrio time, i made my way through the streets of east harlem with fancy dance steps guiding my feet through dark ghetto streets. ♪♪ oh, i was deep inside my mind, visiting all the time a world of wonder

through the power of enjoying wonderful daydreams of a world where children like me could be whatever they wanted to be instead of being what the mean one wanted us to be. [ drumming ] ♪♪ as a child in the '40s, growing up in the '50s, i loved being inside my mind where i could dream dreams as high as the sky and no one could ever, ever take them away from me. a world where i was what i wanted to be and that, of course, like any other child, hey, wished to be free. but the ghettos were ordained to be full of racism and disdain. oh, yeah, the ghettos were ordained to be a perpetual oyster. hey, this was during the '30s, in the great depression.

maybe mucho oppression. poverty lines, bread lines, soup lines, clothing lines. plain and simple on the home relief line, home relief, home relief, home relief. ♪♪ and if ever there was work to be found, blacks and browns last down. last to be hired, first to be fired, once upon a barrio time. as a child i walked the streets of harlem with fancy dance steps guiding my feet through dark ghetto streets deep inside my mind enjoying the whirl of time through the power, a world where children like me could be whatever we wanted to be, and that was to be free. yo, once upon a barrio time, when i was a child, hey, just like thee. when i was a child just like thee. yo, punto. [ sirens wailing in distan ] ♪♪

-when i was younger and i woul, and i would see shows like, i don't know, "dallas" or "falcon crest," or even the news, with, like, you know, dan rather, i always thought that they were being broadcast from another country. because nobody where i lived spoke like that, particularly white folks. i mean, i ain't saying you did nothing. i wasn't there, i just met you yesterday, you know? but i'm saying especially, i mean, because you're black. i mean, are you black? oh, i thought you might be -- whatever. you, just plead guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty. for real, man. "bronx" is this piece about this -- this inmate on rikers island. and he's this guy who -- he was arrested for selling t-shirts on fordham road in the bronx.

and... he's arguing in this monologue, you know, that he doesn't know why he was arrested. this cop come out and arrest me because i don't got a license. alright, i'm not selling drugs, i'm not selling drugs. i'm selling bart simpson, o.j. simpson t-shirts. [ laughter ] that's work, man, that is, that [bleep] is hard. you think that [bleep] is easy? i don't even want to go into it. [ laughter ] but they said it's illegal, man. that's not illegal, come on, i try to do right in my life. i want to be a entrepreneur, you know, whatever you call it. you know, if i was a little girl that they show in that commercial selling lemonade in front of her house, you think the cop going to arrest her? nah-uh! nah-uh! [ laughter ] but you know the cop going to see her in front of a little white picket fence or whatever, right? he's going to be like, oh, all jolly and [bleep], right? [ laughter ] let me get a lemonade, sweetheart? mm, tasty, whatever, whatever. [ laughter ] then he leave, then he go beat up some people, right? [ laughter ] then he go home, then he think,

oh, it's not going to be such a bad day today, god bless america, right? but then he see me on fordham road. now, i a different story. he steps in to me like this, "hey, you, where's your [bleep] license?" [ laughter ] he going to say "where's your [bleep] license?" to a little girl? nah-uh! nah-uh! [ laughter and applause ] gets out the car with all his [bleep] like this, right? but see, he had sunglasses in the car. so when he look at me first from the car, i look darker. [ laughter ] when he get out, he get confused. [ laughter ] now, 'cause you put me next to the cop, i'm more white than the cop, right? so he gets confused, he say, "well, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. what are you?" i said, "that's not your business. you want to buy a shirt?" right? [ lauger and applause ] next thing i know, he knock over all my shirts in the street. that [bleep] dirty now, i got dirty [bleep] products, right, everybody laughing at me, pointing at me in the street, right? next thing i know, he put the nightstick in my back with the spit and the gum, all, from the sidewalk is all in my face and [bleep],

he say, "what are you? what are you? are you puerto rican? you [bleep] puerto rican?" i said, "no, i'm not puerto rican, yo, i'm selling bart simpson, o.j. simpson t-shirts. what's the problem, officer," right? but, see, he wants to know what am i. i mean, my color is white like bill clinton, right, but that's not good enough for him, you know, the way that i'm speaking, or i don't even know, he got a complex. he needs to see a therapist because he's confused, right? [ laughter ] then he look in the t-shirts, he gets more confused. because he don't know who's bart simpson? i mean, he knows bart simpson's bart simpson, but he don't know if bart simpson is dominican, jewish, puerto rican, what the [bleep], right? but he knows that bart simpson, o.j. simpson make more money than him, so he feel threatened. so, 'cause, he feel threatened, right, that day, he decide to make capitalism illegal. [ laughter and applause ] [ cheering ] i know i wasn't selling lemonade. shut up, i didn't ask you to respond and [bleep]. [ laughter ] so you got a light? -well, poetry, um,

can reflect someone's experience immediately and directly. because it's the only place people can hear reality and act upon it, you see. and, and i think it's that directness, that being able to go from -- from the act to acting upon the act directly that makes it powerful. -this is for my folkers who got bills overdue. this is for my folkers, um, check one, two. this is for my folkers never live like a hog, me and you, toe-to-toe, i got love for the underdogs. i raise this glass for the ones who die meaninglessly and the newborns who get fed intravenously. somebody's mama caught a job and a welfare fraud case. when she breathes she swear it feel like plastic wrap around her face. lights turned off. this is the third month the rent is late. thoughts of being homeless, crying till you hyperventilate. heaping spoons of peanut butter, big-ass glass of water make the hunger subside. save the real food for your daughter.

you feel like swinging haymakers at a moving truck. you feel like laughing so it seem like you don't give a [bleep]. you feel like getting so high, you'll smoke the whole damn crop. you feel like crying, but you think that you might never stop. this is for my folkers who got bills overdue. this is for my folkers, um, check one, two. this is for my folkers never live like a hog. me and you toe-to-toe, i got love for the underdogs. the way i live, the way i eat, the way i relate to people, the -- any personal relationship i'm in is shaped by the world that i live in. ♪ the streetlight reflects off the urine on the groun♪ ♪ which reflects off ♪ ♪ the hamburger sign that turns round ♪ ♪ which reflects off the chrome of the bmw ♪ ♪ which reflects off the fact that i'm broke ♪ ♪ now, what the hell is new? ♪ all i gotta do is talk about what's real, and i'll be talking about race. i don't have to think about talking about race -- i'm black. -♪ get down, get down, get down ♪

♪ get down, get down, get down ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ hawaiian singing ] -no trip to hawaii would be complete without a visit to the unique polynesian cultural center. 170 performers, each from his own culture, provide a show that dazzles and glitters with volcanic eruptions, waterfalls... -americans like to think they're a nation of immigrants. the implication is that there were no natives there -- they came for religious freedom or to do better. when in fact, they came to settle somebody else's country and to kill them off, slowly, from new england to...

california, and then out to hawaii and then on to the philippines. i want them to understand that settlers came, they conquered, they killed. they took other people's lands. they banned their language. and i think "settler" riles people. our own people say, "hawaiian at heart." makes me sick to hear how easily genealogy flows away. 2,000 years of wise creation bestowed for a smile on resident non-natives. "form of survival," this thoughtless inclusion. taking in foreigners and friends, dismissing history with a servant's grin. "hawaiian at heart." nothing said about loss, violence, death by hundreds of thousands.

"hawaiian at heart." a whole people accustomed to prostitution, selling identity for nickels and dimes in the whorehouses of tourism. "hawaiian at heart." why no "japanese at heart"? how about "haole at heart"? the ruling classes living off natives. first land, then women, now hearts cut out by our own familiar hand. they colonized us, the americans. and they're still colonizing us with tourism by millions of tourists. so they should be grateful that i'm a writer. i mean, i'm -- i'm taking it and turning, for example, the anger, into creativity. and there's more than just anger. i mean, there's tremendous sorrow for our people and for the land

and for the lost -- our young men have a very high suicide rate. so that -- the anger is actually a safety valve. what's the alternative, you know? i'd rather make art than -- than, you know, commit murder. [ salsa playing ] ♪♪ -culture clash is a comedy group, and we're out there to shock the audience. and we do it to provoke and to also provoke thought, and so that when we do humor and use satire, it's always with a message. we talk about race because i think there's a lack of understanding of race and different races. we live in a society now where people are closed-minded and they live in their own cubicles. -i think the browning of america is causing a reaction. and i think change is very, um -- very scary for people. i see it as a positive evolution. i think america will be a more harmonious,

hopefully, nation, you know, once we get over the race issue. [ haitian accent ] do i love miami? [ laughing ] yes, i say. because, yes, re than any other place in the united states, miami, i love it. why? because i used to say, "miami, in many aspects, is like haiti -- without the poverty." so i love miami, i love miamians. i never suffered from so-called segregation, because i stay in my territory. i know my limits. [ chuckles ] but i also know where my right starts, where my duty starts. i can look over and see the grass might be green in my neighbor's yard, but that's his grass. i have grass. you enjoy your grass, i enjoy my grass. [ chuckling ] that's miami. [ laughing ] -the only way you can tell the difference between one group and another is whether one lives better than the other. there's no -- there's no intrinsic value of being black.

there's no intrinsic value of being white. except as a measure of whether you live worse or live better. ♪♪ -♪ from the same dirt from the heels ♪ ♪ of my ancestors the naked rows ♪ ♪ and the fields where the pain festered ♪ ♪ i wondered where the hole came from ♪ ♪ and the beats of my heart made me yearn for the drum ♪ ♪ it's the same place where the crosses burned ♪ ♪ the same place where the loss was earned ♪ ♪ it's place where the floss was yearned ♪ ♪ gold teeth and bling ice on the rings, baby, sure ♪ ♪ yo, we all got things that hang on our back ♪ ♪ things that make us cool ♪ ♪ things that make us whack ♪ ♪ things that make us mad ♪ ♪ things we wish we never had ♪ -i borrowed from the pe of humor that the people on the plantations used to skewer the stereotypes, so that everybody could get along better. you know, you tease filipinos, you tease chinese, you tease -- everybody teased each other, and that's the flavor. yeah, uh, i get my hawaiian from my father. my father's hawaiian-filipino.

so, in other words, he loves to clean his yard, but he has no land. [ laughter ] yeah, and you know, the thing about it is, he doesn't like filipino jokes, man, you know? and i remember, it started early -- i must have been nine years old, my first joke, you know, my dad says, "come on, boy, let's go to the hotel, we are going to swim in the swimming pool." "aw, daddy, we cannot swim in there. they prejudiced against filipinos." "why do you say that, boy?" "daddy, they got a big sign -- 'no flips in the pool.'" [ laughter ] bah! "daddy, no hit me, that's my first joke!" he tell me, "you are my first joke." [ laughter ] do comics create stereotypes? i don't think so. comics are mirrors that reflect. you can't create -- if there's no truth to what you're saying,

it's not funny, because it doesn't ring true. it's so funny that they would fly me in to do what they're calling "ethnic humor." "could you do some of that ethnic humor?" so funny, because in hawaii, it's just called humor. now, don't get me wrong, i'm not putting the white thing down. believe me, you see, my mom is german. you can't get any whiter than that. [ laughter ] i got uncles look like hitler's wet dream, you know -- [ laughter and applause ] which is trippy, because, you know, you come here, and you're a nonwhite. which for hawaiians is very interesting. i'm sure you guys hear that all the time. nonwhite, right? right, because it's, you're being categorized as to something you're not. what's up with that? if we tried to do that in hawaii, there'd be an endless, "oh, right, you know charlie?" "oh, charlie, the guy who's not chinese-samoan, filipino, or samoan?" [ laughter ] ♪♪ the question i like the most about being in hawaii, you know,

we get these tourists -- "why do the hawaiians resent the white people so much?" it's not resentment, it's just, you guys think so much differently. ♪♪ you ever notice, like, all through history, white people are always discovering places people already are? [ cheers and applause ] wha-- "what do you mean?" well, christopher columbus discovered america. "yeah...?" well, what about all the indians that were there, what about all the mexicans that were there? [ cheers and applause ] "well, he discovered them, too." [ laughter ] we put up with our version of it, right? captain cook discovered the hawaiian islands. there were a million hawaiians there. that's like us, the hawaiians, taking a big flag over to europe, popping it into the ground. boom! "we discover this for hawaii!" [ laughter ] "what about us, gov'nor?"

"well, we discover you, too, brother." [ laughter ] there are those who go, "what good is comedy if it doesn't offend somebody?" i mean, that was the court jester's job. were this the 15th century, instead of introducing me, they'd be going, "fetch the fool!" you know, and i'd be coming in with rattles, teasing the king and the pope and everybody else, something that no one could do, but the fool could get away with it. and i think that's the job of the comic today, to hold that mirror up and go, "guess what?" you know, "the emperor has no clothes!" ♪♪ -bad time to be from the middle east, man, bad time to be from the middle east. ♪♪ -[ barking ] ♪♪ -i was actually on a plane -- well, i was getting ready to take off. i was sitting on my plane, and they pulled me off the plane -- true story. and they said, "mr. ahmed, we have some questions we want to ask you. we're going to have to pull you off the plane."

then i go down to the ticket counter and show the woman my i.d. -- same reaction every time. woman takes my i.d., she does one of these -- [ laughter ] [ laughter ] [ laughter ] [ clears throat ] "mr. ahmed, where are you flying this afternoon?" i looked at her and i said, "uh, i have a one-way ticket to paradise, my friend." [ laughter ] "mr. ahmed, did you pack your bags yourself?" yes, i did. "anybody ask you to carry anything since you've been to the airport?" no. "have your bags left your sight sie you've been in the airport?"