announcer: funding for the kcet "fine cut" series is generously provided by the bridges larson foundation. ♪

[baby crying] de'oa: the fst gift ceive fr our famy is ourame. perduebut thenkamala, -- wh--kamalar kamahl kamalalamala--don't kn. de'oa: but n all nam arembracedy societ

dr. rosao: pleas sir. call me i wouldike to b call. that how i'mdentifie ma it doest reallyatter. dr. sario: imatters me. denna: names represe our cultal origi, histor and identy. trum barack hussein oba. rememb, rush lbaugh uld alwa do thathe'd do "back hussn obama. de'onna:ore specifically, ey frameho we ar are d where 're goin woma my names fulanimira bati. woma my name is shiqui domique willms. man: my rth names laguan shnteu jon. i lelly chand my namin 2007o naauhmquaii rimond- nes, butt's now naauhmocaii robion-jones d my nicame is mha for shor de'onna: my name is de'onna young-stephens. originally de'onna, but i dropped the apostrophe and

lowercased the capital "o" to be accepted. as i started to think about name, all of tse memors came bk of my iends anpeers going rough silar expeences. i felt compelled to reach out to a few folks to see what they went through and how they handled what i wld call ame shamg." and e more tt i thought about is wholeame shaming situation, the more i felt like every part of my identity had been attacked in some way, shape, or form. mykin colohad beenttacked. the xture ofy hair h been atcked. thsize of hips d thighsad been tacked. the way that i talk had be attacke and i jt stted to gw tired. ids shoung] ♪ shiquitai rememb feeling

nd of li an outct fohaving sh what, you ow, whatost peop would nsider atrange o compcated na. naauocquaii:ell, grong up, i got a t of ridule. i gomade funf. i gotalled sty name funi: i dot even wt to tell youhat theysed to ca me. ey used call me. auhmocquaii: kids ed to ca me igua, laguaa the igna. zard. ju horribl fulani: i had idea at that rd meant i s in elentary. i walike, wh, 7 yearold. and so ient and ked my sist, and wh she tolme i was--i jt couldn believet. ♪ shiquita; "oh, i'm sorry. i thought at was yr name." "no, y did notyou did t think th was my me. u thoughit was fny and it's n cute." naauocquaii: felt ostrized. i lt like anutcast.

i st felout of pce metimes. shuita: by, like, hi school, ople staed makinjokes aboushaquitar--'causit's-- name isn like aouple rap lyrs. or nas like mine wermade funf in stanup comeds and stf like that. woman: so ife were tgo on a datend we we to go othat first te, alright, a my na was shaita and said, "lisn, i likguys th make uphymes wi my name and likeell me le what ty li about min the pm st from at they e," what wld you d i wanto hear t poem ght now. g bachelonumber 1go. n: shaita, shaita get ur ass ithe car. [laughte denna: frowhat i c recall, my firstegative perience with my name was in elementary school and taking an end-of-year test that came from the state. you had to write your name in these little boxes and every time i spelled my name, my test was the only one returned and marked "invalid."

man: we knowrom the experimeal evidee thathere is gativetigma atched to havingne of the contemrary black nas. so the are lotof diffent ways tt pares strateze abouthis. buat the ce of thi the queson stillemains iwhy arthese nas stigmazed? anthen howo parentthen internize thathen theye thking of naming tir chilen? and thenthe nexttage of ishow do cldren thselves thinabout thr very raciized nam and do ey ha a sensef embarrsment about em wanti to reclm them, nowanting be knowby that name becse of steotypes at are atched to ose name naauhmocii: i us to joke around a say tha myarentsossed thalphabet and whaver fellown, that what ey gave , the tters. that why i ud to jok like to nd of ke ease own pain michle: i'veeen withocha

for a ar now. februa 14th ma it a ye. naauhmquaii: fst day we officlly saw ch other michle: it w on valentins day. naauhmquaii: ihanged mname in 200 and it did ke some justing,ou ow, becae i mean had carriethe nameaguanda for 20-some years. when pple were refusi to calle by my w name nuhmocqua, it kd of like d something tme. and so iorder for me to live my trunew identy, i had push e name luanda t of my nd. whenhe mail came a michellsaw the il anit had t name laanda on itshe aumaticallasked, ell, w is laguda?" and i loed at helike, "o d. i havto rele this nighare all er again michelleshe woul't tell her re name. naauhmocaii: bir name. michellebirth na. and i wa-i was aittle upt. i was li, "you d't care

about . we supsed to kw everythi about eh other. u won't en shareith me your bir name?" so i w really rt by th. naauhmocquaii: ilasted few weeks, tbe hont, the ba and for, back and rth, becse she kt pushinfor me tpronouncit becausshe saw on the per, t she codn't prounce it. d that, at righthere kin like reshed somof the o experiens from wn the achers cldn't prounce. sohe didn'understa why it was, le, mentay doing somethinto me. when finallyecided ttell her, is like iwas kindf like, don't kn, kind olike a out-ofody expeence becse it's le i hadn said th now, literal had notpoken that ne laguan in probly re than years. i prably hadot spokethat name. 'onna: t day thai change e spelli of my fst name, i st a lite bit ofyself.

the "d in de'oa comes om my grandther debah, and e "o comes fm my gradaddy ron. name pa homage them an thonly rean i chand it was to plee people i acally don know. shuita: wh i firstoved to atlta, i ju needed job. so ioved the and thelike a week or o later, i s workinat nordsom. and ile i wathere th video went vir of thisirl name sharkeis gettingn a figh man: it s postedarlier thiseek. a girlttacked a frien named shkeisha. e intern ickly to to the ique nam parodyinit with pular moes and mes. shaqui: i knowhis girlnew my ne was nosharkeis. and th day, shkept preing it andalling mthat lik it s funny. and she s white. i had toet mean out it. liketop callg me tha you sound cist. es: yourame is ty.

want to ar you s it. [gaspi] your namis toby. you' going tlearn toay your nam let me hr you sait. what's yr name? nta kint kunta. nta kint [wp cracks shaqui: our cuure was literallstrippedway froms wh we wererought he. so i d't-- i unrstand w people y to come uwith somhing unie it feellike it longs to th. tron: we kw from, y, the recos of blacveteransf the cil war, many emaipated afcan-amerans did ange theinames afr the cil war, and sot's a rely impornt procesto underand. indendent of black ning paern is t way in ich rican-amicans we naming themlves aft emancipion

anchangingheir nam after ancipati. ♪ lani: somy paren are bot from bmingham,labama. theyoved to a. in thlate seveies. they hadne childt the ti, my sisteebony. d at theime, my dad bame a muim. he w a part the natn of islam. so wheyou're auslim, ty want y to ex t slave ne and chge your me complely. maolm x: bause we' taught by the horable ejah muhaad to wk aroundith thesnames and therore he tches us at dung slave, the sa slave masterho owneds put hi st name us to dote that weere his operty. that wh you see negro today o's namejohnson,f you back inis histo, yoll find at he waonce-- his andfatheor one ohis forefaths was owd by a wte man who s named hnson. ifis name bunch, s grdfather s owned a white-- man: i g the poi.

malcolx: was ned bunch ma would y mind teing me whatour fath's last me was? malcolm my fath didn't ow hilast nam my fher got s last ne fromis grandther, anhis grdfather t it frohis granather, w got it om the sle masterthe realames of r peopleere destyed duri avery. man: w there a line, a point inhe geneagy ofour fami when yodid have to e the la name? and so, whawas it? malcm x: theast name ofy forefaers was ken from thewhen thewere broht to arica andade slav. and en the ne of the ave mast was giv, which resed. we ject thaname toda- man:ou mean,ou won'tven ll me wh your faer's supped last me was ogifted st name s? lcolm x: never anowledge whatsoer. fulani: mom andy dad both chaed theirirst and la name. myad's namwas anthy cox. my mom'same was liet all. sonce my d became slim, ey were ying to st give

m a nameand my d was lik "nop let me dmy reseah and fire out at i wanthe nameo be." he chaed his ne to rasd bahati. d then mmother, r me is naoma baha, and nassoma ans quee soahati iswahili, d it means good fortune. luck, fortune, one who's to see like positive things. so, yeah hildren outing] boy: y want tolay game withe? de'onn after ihanged t spelling of my name, i wondered if i was weak. i woered whyy teache felt e need tembarrasme. i woered if was a foower. wonderedhy i wand to fit . i justondered so many different things. shaquitamy own d, wh i start applng for cleges, td me that ihould apy as domique inead of ashaquitabecause heas worri that my applicion woul't be tan as

serisly with name li mine. and i st rememr being ke, "why didou name this th?" it w so hardnd depreing to thpoint whe i was ke, maybe is my ne, and iried toxperimenwith it d see if puttg "s. wiiams" inead of "shaita willms" or "m" instead shaquitwould he becauseam is li one of thoseames whe you cane girl--yocan be airl or guy, butt's just regular namesam. man: i'mot abouto hire y if your name is wama l'andrea. it just nogonna haen. i'not gonnhire you [allalking aonce] [laughte won: i wou be such beautil king kg quesha i'll he you gu know. trevonone of t most faus studies,e have aesume sty which iave a blk name and i se it out topply for job. and yomight sato yoursf, ell, i s this blk name, and i ght thinthat this peon is retively uducated" orhis thatnd the oer. t rememb, the reme has a the oth evidencthat you would ed

toustify wther or t your assumptis about is perso were truor not. and wh we finds that tre arsignifictly lowecallback rates r these ack name it tends tother are as well we know at teachs have ler expections of ack chilen o have tse stereypical blacnames. we alsknow thaprofesso are less wling to lk about gruate schl to stunts who ve theselack nam. so, ev when weave othe idence f which t me in itlf shoulnot gi us any formatio we sll see t stigmating fect of e name. shiquitawhen i fst start gettg my foo to the iustry, iad-- lucky i knewomeone who was tryi to get work onet. i was ready woing as a asstant edor at thtime, but wanted twork in e came departmt. sohis guy commendeme. i sent mresume, d he mushave forwardeto the pple in the fice.

and wh i didn'know wasthe peon looki at my rume in e officeidn't li my name and was ying to event me frometting hed becau he ma all the assumptns about my cracter bed on myame. when iot thereit was s wed becausthey wersuper friely to myace, andt was presend as juslike casl convsation. h, what'your mide name?" and i ld him, d i didn think twe about . i toldim and iept it ming. the ne thing, u know, evybody onet is caing me donique. it was sfrustratg becausi walike, diyou real just k for myiddle na to chge it, uld makeverybodylse think name isominique stead ofhaquita? i was lking. so must ha been gog to the cameraruck. thperson w stard it--buwe cross paths anthey sai "hey, dinique," ani stoppe i id, "my me is shuita. do notall me dinique jt cause yore not owith my name. e nerve you." a it

was other blk person after at conveation wi that pern, never hpened agn, and i rememb tellingim, "is reallyad that u of a people uld be t one toome--comat me abt this, to ce at me out my ne in ts way." he wast tryingo be a bly, but was sti internazed racism. muhamm ali: whyou wanto say ssius cl, whenoward coll and erybody is calli me muhaad ali? w, why y got to the one ofll peopl who's cored to kp sayingassius cy? ma uh...hord coselis not e one whs gonna ght you. i am. muhammadli: you' making really hd on youelf now. why dot you ke [indistct] the scorg angle? y don't u call mmy name, man? ♪ man: so,y name i jon ristophesowells- o first mes, but go jc. wheyou get ney, wer

u thinki about le percepti in sociy, anythg like tt, or yoknow, beuse m gonna nd of bealking about so of the cisions ma to gives a bett portunit you kno even ho hoyou evenhose motr, so... with a ne like j christoer in ter of advaing in ts world an afrin-americ man, i dbelieve gives m an unsn head srt. i'vexperienc it in a businessorld apping for leaseshere peoe percei me to be a fferent rson and theyeet me iperson a they e shocke ople havmade remks, you kn, probab inadverntly. about ing surpsed if y kn, based my name i'm acally in first g w, and ts is probly like e maybe th or 12 space

th i've trd to app for. when ias applyg for anher lotion, anher suit acally in e same spping center, en i methe agent fothe propty, he lked up like, h, you'r jochristopr." "yeah.'m jon cistopher you knowand thatappens. you kn, i mean i expe it to hpen beuse, younow, my me when u look ait on par, based on whawe're us to seei-- john did, johnhis, that snds like prototypal whiteale name and last time i checked, i am not a white male. shiqta: i thk i savemyself me troub by beinwho i am d authenc about o i am wi my realame on mresume, becae if thewere goi to scrimina againstomeone cause ofheir nam i'm sur at they d other consciou biases ainst bla people peop of colo and if sebody doesn't wanto accept mor offer job becse ofy name, at's not place

at i wanto be anay. ♪ tron: if y take soone om easte europe d you chge theirame fr pavlovs to palm or to uls, themight beuch more kely to ss as soone who french igin or itish origin osome oths, or rman ogin, forxample. buan afric-america who isacob andws is stl going toe by phetype, unlily to asmilate i the sameegree th someoneho is wte will. think pple norealize at avoidg the iginal sgmatizatn when yo name isust seenoes not avoithe stigtizationhen you showp and arobservedy phenype as seone whos not white. so the question is, do you wt them to ow that u're bla or asian beforthey meeyou or

not? andhat is n, i thin the w questi that peoplere adoptg when ty considerames. iquita: like my me. i n't knowhy i cant really press li this de meaning behind w i like name. i just d ids shoung] gi: comeere, parr. auhmocqui: i fellike the day that legallyot my pars at i bece a new rson and like i kind sort of ed it, ts old sk. it ft good it aually fe good. en thoh it toome a whi toell her at my na from birtwasn't nuhmocqua, once ixplain it to h what went thrgh as a ild, she undetood andhen she ts why i didn't even nt to spk it. so thakind of de me fe od that e was unrstandin and acceing of t fact th i was new pers. michellewhen i tnk of moa annaauhmocaii, itrings a ile to mface 'cau i reay love t name, d she lo like a naauocquaii. she look like mocha. so i rlly lovehe name.

i rely lovthe nameand i see it mes her hpy when i ca her nam she smis. so, at's allhat matts. fulani: i love that my parents dn't givme a bas name. ke, it'sust so butiful. ke, i rely love- i love mwhole na, literay. funi amiraahati. like, mynitials e fab. and it's sdope. yeah, love my me now. 'onna: i graduatg soon, and i've decided to change the spelling omy fir name ony degr back tots origil fo. haven't en the astrophor catal "o" 12 year and it finally els like'm home. my name is de'oa young-ephens. ni to meetou. ♪

[waves cshing] ♪

tatic] asps] [water rning] [footste approacng] man: lda?

nda: oh,y god. what areou doingome? dad's re. man: i kw. linda: n no, getut of he. man: can't. linda: y, you ca here y go. go ywhere. ma i don'tave anywherelse to g creen do opens] man: [instinct]. i'veissed yoso much. but yocan't beere. man: is ok, mo man:ook who me home. [dogarking] ur mothewas worrd about yo ok at me n't everisrespecme or lee that w again. [trainhistle bws]

go to yo room. ♪ [footeps] [door sls] [objt clatte to floo [thumpinand bumpg] ♪

[door oses] [footsps approhing] woman: a maria. alwaysooking a cleanin ner havingny fun. maria: tt's becae i'm alys cookg for yo woman: a when aryou goin to move t of thiplace? wean help. maria:alk to yr brothe nome. nda: hol tia. tia: hol how areou? linda: bn. tia: tnks for ur help. my husba will be gratef while i away. -hmm. linda: where areou going ti i'm goi to texato sit withhe famil linda:'d like go to tas.

a: oh, il be gonfor a whe. texass far fr here. linda: b i can hp. ria: no,o. besid, i needour helpith rach whe i workand you ed to t to schl. tia: i'lsee you en i get backcome on,et's get starte ♪ man:inda. linda: h tim. wh are you dog here? tim: ias waiti for you lia: and w is that m: i wasonderingf i coul borr your hiory book linda:ow come? tim: i lt mine a i didn'tead the sts, so. nda: whaabout me tim:ou're smt. u need tstudy. linda: se. yes.

tim: thas. linda:ust givet back tme school. tim: or could alys swingt by yr house. lind no, schl is fin tim: can walk yohome? linda:ure. tim: how everythg going thservant'class? lind it's ea. mo ♪

[tra whistlelowing] [childrelaughing miel? [knock odoor] a-are u ok? guel: ye.

nda: whyid you ce back i u knew wt dad wagonna do to u? miel: it'sard out ere. linda: it's hard here, too. [door closes] i got go. guel: lia. lia: yeah. guel: ifou ever ave, don't co back. chel: lia, what e you doing? linda: jt studyi. rachel: n you geme a gla

of wer? lia: yeah. ma why aret you ined? lia: rachewanted se water. [lig switch icks] [wer runni] [cck]

chel canait. lind why do u mark t cards,ad? man: to ke a living and take care of our family. nda: andho taughyou how that? u know, ce you mk the

cards, th're nevethe samegain. n: that'how i learn. linda:racias, pi. i'm nna takeachel hewater. man:ne more ing. no bs alloweto walk u homer come a visit. comprees? nda: yesdad. ria: mij time tout that

awaynd help th gettinyour sisr ady for nner. m gettina plate r miguel linda:k, mom. rachelok, mom! ria: oh,nd by thway, i needou to he me with rael tonig. i got a te shiftok? linda: m? maria: mhmm? linda:on't youate taki platesp to migl? mari i don'tant to g into thisgain. linda: wt about chel? maria:he's tooittle. [train while blowi] [knockin lia: who iit? tim: it'tim. lind tim? ti what aryou doinhere? you cat be her tim: iust want to see u and ve you yr book bk.

nda: tha you. tim:an you tk for a cond? lind ok. m: did y have a od day a scho today? lia: yeah,h, it wafine. [vehic passes ] m: it's nice nig. lind thank y for comg over, bui'm not lowed to have y boyfrids over. t like tt! tim: i kd of likyou.

i want t-i want ta to you re often [thumpg footsts] ma what aryou doinhere? tim: just ca to retu a book iorrowed,ir. man: ginside. you' not alled to co over. go he. ti yes, si [lindareathingard] linda: rhel, racl, rache rach, get upgo! to migu's room!o!

[wind imes blong] [gping]

[crying] [linda sffs] [ringing

[vehic passes ] mari nobody eds to kw.

[kck on do] tia: i g here asoon as i uld. omen talng indisnctly] n't worr ok? i'vgot evything s for her how e you dog?

nda: i'mood. a: you he everytng, hmm? mari ah, lovyou, mij linda:t's ok, m. maria, cing: let go. ♪

[phone ringing] [phone beeping] woman: what was your mom like growing up? woman: she was not really present.

woman: a to thisay, i don't ally ow the scifics, actly wh happenewhen i w 8. i know tt i woulsee her things. i rember knong that e was nervous out the lice finng out. i knew at whater she wa doinwas agait the la it was never like a doubt of like what if she was wrongfully convicted and she's, in fact, innocent. it wast the cothouse, once my mom was sentenced, and i remember wanting to calm her down as an 8-year-old. like i remembered thinking i was now alonand i wagoing toe taki care ofyself, b i somehoknew thai was goa be ok about it. when the judge was gonna decide

my placement into foster home, he couldn't pronounce my last me. i rember him not oking ate, and i wondered if he knew i was 8 years old. i went tough whei was 8, and i ft when was 18. so ithose 10ears, i obably did about 20 homes. what i do remember is that you would not get a lot of notice. you would just come home one day and all your stuff would be like, literally in trash bags. you were told that, "tonight, we're gonna send you to another house." and that was the toughest part. just rember beinscared, not kning wheri was gog to sleep. i was huny, so i dn't knowhat kindf fo they we going thave. so i jt rememb everythg being different, obviously, and it was not my home, but they were telling me that that was gonna be where i was gonna be staying for the foreseeable future.

i could look back now and say, "oh, yeah, the foster part was probably a little bit more peaceful," even though it was another set of unknowns, but at least that fear of the illegal activityas no loer there itas hard figure t what homeeant unt i becama mothernd i hady own chd and i hato estabsh a hom and so n home isherever u

are--hha!--andherever i el like peace. if i didn't become a mom, i would feel like something was missing, and i would have regretted it. i didn't know how to parent. like i didn't have--most people have a mom that they could emulate. so for me, it was a very real realization that i didn't know what i was doing, but also that i wanted to just give my daughter everything that i didn't have. don't kn if i if knew ho to bthere emionally for you, but i kn how to there phically f you. when i w growingp, nobodynew wheri was. nody cared ere i wa i think i overmpensatey wantinto kn every mute wheryou're and maksure youe ok. if would getaken awafrom you evennce, i wld nevero it ain, whater it co. i uldn't-- wouldn'be worth it.

and so, r me wheshe kept ing it, d then en now i feel likshe stilgets clo tohe line. and as audge, i el like cat be part of tha and soor me, is easiero just staaway. i think at for t most pa, i have me my pea with it so i dfeel liki miss tt ing that never h. [phone ringing] woman, on recording: ...reach you, and you were not available. jourdan: no, no, no. woman, on recording: if you have any questions on your current ...account, please don't hesitate to contact us at 866-607-6006. thank you for calling. good-bye. ♪

[crack]

♪ [wind bling] ♪

[sea gulls crying] [waves crashing]

♪

announcer: funding for the kcet "fine cut" series is generously provided by th

- [female interviewer] is there anything that you're scared of? - no, not really. men. [mary laughs] - [clifford] i remember rolling up. there was, like, a sign about like a beware of the alligator. just bizarre. - [mary] it was a media frenzy. it w a peoplfrenzy - [clifford] it just blew up. social media, the way that it works now, it's instant. - [female speaker] you like alligators? - yeah, i don't like people hurting them. let's put it that way. - when rambo gets lonely, he'll come up there and crawl in bed with the dogs. that's no big deal. - and she fought for rambo. really. i never thought she'd ever lose him. - the world needs florida.