tv Global 3000 LINKTV October 21, 2023 10:00am-10:31am PDT
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shelley: we've looked everywhere, we can't find it. luca: i think i have a skeleton dress she can wear. shelley: and you definitely have not seen the tardis dress? luca: i, no, i haven't. shelley: okay. it's very strange that we lost a dress. luca: good, see how pretty that is? (mack barks) luca: come closer. ♪ this is the shimmery stuff that'll go on your eyes, okay? - okay. - shut your eyes. oh, i put too much on, okay. there's cat hair on the makeup brush. chris: hurry up, you guys are going to be late. shelley: we have to leave in 15 minutes. luca: all right, well. shelley: i know, beauty takes time. luca: smile. okay. shelley: the hair straightener is on top of the fish tank.
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we really have to rush. luca: okay, then we will really rush. shelley: i'm not used to seeing you in makeup. you look very pretty. be loud and clear when you answer your question, okay? ren: i'll try. shelley: oh, boy, we're gonna be late. ren: okay, we have everything ready. shelley: yeah, we packed the car. oh, a brush! i gotta bring a brush. we're going in daddy's car. ren, when we get there, you rush right to the stage, 'cause they're doing the rehearsal. well, i'm sure they say 9:30 just to get people there early enough. we should've gotten up earlier today, i just didn't realize it would take us so long. luca: it's literally 9:31, it's okay. (people talking in background) shelley: i'm going to have to get a spot, too, because those women can be vicious. ("party in the u.s.a." by miley cyrus playing)
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(song continues) shelley: it's unbelievable back there in the dressing room! i mean, we got here at 9:30, but the dressing room is, like, i had to go all the way in the back to get two chairs. luca: oh. shelley: and we are just squished, all, like, all our stuff is on these two little chairs. because people are spread out with, like, makeup, and... dresses hanging. and 3,000 dresses-- it's crazy. luca: oh, they're so cute! none of them can spin. they're so adorable. shelley: same dance, see? luca: yeah. shelley: you could have taught it to ren. i'm sure you still know it.
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(laughing) all right, let me go sign ren in. (people talking in background) ♪ shelley: so you are number 40. so most of the things that you do, you'll go out, you'll be the 40th in line. we'll look up who's number 39. i'll go over the program with you. ren: why is this room used for, for little miss westie? - oh, it's the changing and, and makeup room. this is the backstage room. - where would someone change? - well, that's why i told you, you just change here-- we just quickly switch clothes. it's so fast. and everyone's changing, and no one's looking at you. and you have your... that's why i knew you'd want to wear the little bra.
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(audience applauding) ♪ emcee: and now it's time for the talent section. enjoy the show. ♪ my heart's far, far away (on speakers): ♪ but they can't see the light, that's right ♪ (hip-hop beat playing) ♪ my name is sydney and i'm five years old ♪ ♪ and i'm really excited to be in the show ♪ (on speakers): ♪ she works the nights by the water ♪ ♪ she's gone astray, so far away ♪
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♪ from her father's daughter ♪ empty belly life ♪ rotten smelly life ♪ ♪ full of sorrow life ♪ no tomorrow life (holding note) (audience cheering and applauding) emcee: next up, we have ren mccarthy. (audience cheering and applauding) (playing quietly) (audience murmuring, shuffling) (audience noise continues, ren playing quietly) (people shushing) luca: why aren't they listening? why won't they be quiet?
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(people shushing) woman: hi, everyone, i just want to ask everyone to please be quiet when kids are doing their talents, because it's really hard for the judges to hear, and if you want people to be quiet for your kid, you should be quiet for other people's-- thank you. (audience cheering and applauding) (resumes playing) (people talking in background) (ren's piece continues)
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(phone camera clicks) ren: i'm feeling nervous. shelley: just know this, there's nothing you could do wrong. emcee: tell us, what famous person would you like to be for a day? i would like to be the boston bruins goalie, because i would love to be in an nhl game and meet all the players. (audience cheers and applauds, emcee speaking softly) emcee: what's the hardest thing you've ever had to do and how did you accomplish it? - the hardest thing i've ever had to do is not being able to speak to my grandmother in spain, because i don't speak spanish. but now i'm learning how to speak spanish so i can speak to her. emcee: thank you. (audience cheers and applauds) please welcome ren mccarthy. (audience cheers and applauds) shelley: i have no idea what ren is going to do.
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(audience cheers and applauds) emcee: if you could time-travel, when would you go, and why? - i would go back to when i was three or four. (people talking in background) and tell my parents that i was a girl, rather than a boy. and make sure that they knew that back then. (audience cheers and applauds) luca: she did it! (audience cheers and applauds) emcee: wow, i'm at a loss of words for that! (audience cheers and applauds) ♪ announcer: model for baby or mini, giovanna harty. pageant princess, emiliana gonzalez. pageant queen, kiki adamo. prettiest hair for pre-teen or teen, rebecca aranzo. prettiest eyes, petites, isabelle roche.
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costume, pre-teen or teen, kiki johnson woods. model for little, olivia moretti. personality, baby or mini, leonna fillogy. (audience cheers) our pre-teen category, this year's pageant sweetheart, ren mccarthy! (audience cheers and applauds) shelley: woo-hoo! (gasps): a crown, oh, now she's happy. yay! (laughs) luca: ren, ren, ren! high-five. (giggles) teens: ♪ happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you ♪ ♪ happy birthday, dear luca ♪ happy birthday to you (laughing) - woo! (applauding) (talking in background) (phone camera clicks) girl: does it... does it look like he cut his hair?
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luca: why is he wearing the hat? no, go back, go, leave! leave, leave! luca: if i could go back in time, it would probably be to when i came out the first time, and just stuck with it. because i know, like, in the moment, it was really stressful, it was really upsetting. but if i stuck with it back then, i could have gone into high school as luca. luca (laughing): that was worse! that was worse than the first! luca: i don't know if i would really change that, actually. because i like my group of friends. and i like everything that i'm doing. and i'm really excited for the next school year. so it doesn't really matter anymore. luca: you messed up! - no, you, i... luca: a lot has happened, and, like, getting my name changed and going on testosterone and stuff like that. i'm really glad that that whole process is done. i think that all, like, the big major challenges are done with, and now it's pretty much just normal.
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- and, like, every single person makes fun of me for it and i don't know why. - every single! ♪ chris: i have some concerns for their safety. the biggest scare for me is that they will feel unhappy with themselves, because that's the, the threat that's hardest to protect them from. as long as they're happy with who they are and they're feeling comfortable and supported, that's the most important thing to me. (kids talking in background) shelley: oh, thank you. ♪ shelley: it was tumultuous at first. before she transitioned, ren couldn't read at grade level. she couldn't write a sentence. she would get really worked up about it. she had this underlying anxiety
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that put her base levels so high, that anything that added a teeny bit of anxiety put her over the edge. ♪ after she transitioned, they approached me and said they didn't think that she needed the special education services anymore. they said she's one of the smartest kids in the school. and she's well above grade level in reading and writing. she can write pages now. (kids talking in background) ren: okay, this is cheese pizza. i don't know about the other two. not as cheesy as my jokes. (friend giggles) like that one. shelley: at this point, it seems odd that we ever struggled. now i never think of them as being a different gender than they are right now.
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luca is my son. ren is my daughter. and... you know, now we're just the mccarthys again. ("restless year" by ezra furman playing) ♪ ooh, la, ooh ♪ sa-lay-ga, ooh la, ooh la, ooh loo ♪ ♪ ooh, la, ooh ♪ sha-lay-ga, ooh la, ooh la, ooh loo ♪ ♪ ♪ del toro: stay up to date on america reframed at worldchannel.org.
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subscribe to world channel's youtube to go beyond the lens with our filmmakers. tell us what you think using #americareframed. ♪ ♪ ♪ it's 11:00 on a tuesday, and i'm staring at a computer screen, working at a job, picking up some part-time hours at a job that i used to work at 15 years ago. and everything's going fine,
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because it's not complicated technology. but all of a sudden, my heart rate's picking up really fast, and my throat is closing up, and my chest, my heart is, like, beating, and this person who's trying to train me is talking, and she's using words, but, like, it's just not computing and, like, executions that... things i could just do, like, an hour ago, like, my finger just won't... it's like everything's in slow motion. and i know when the scales tipped that made the anxiety attack-- that's, like, full-blown panic attack-- come on. it was about 20 minutes ago, someone had walked to the front of this store where i'm working. and she's so familiar, and she and i are, like, eyeing each other. it's like i know her face, and i know her name, but was like 15 years ago. and, and i'm like, "you know, i don't really know." and she comes up, and she said, "did you say you were a teacher?" and i'm distracted, right? 'cause i'm trying to learn this new technology, and i'm, like, trying to make good impressions with new people and, like, manage old acquaintances, and so my guard is down.
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and just instinctively, i'm like, "yeah, i taught middle school in hillsboro." and her head snaps back, and she's like, "so did i for 30 years. why can't i place you?" and that's when i lost it. because i was completely terrified of what she was going to say next. so i turned to the woman next to me, who's training me, and i'm like, "i'll be right back." and i make a beeline to the back of the store, frantically searching for the hr person who i just met an hour ago-- i don't even know her. and she's walking toward me with this plate, and there's, like, macaroni and cheese and something else, it's her lunch, the poor thing. and i'm like, "do you have a second?" and she's like, "yeah," probably thinking, "he's been here an hour, what could have happened?" and we sit in this office, and these chairs are so close to each other it's like a closet, our knees are practically touching. and i'm like, "uh, you know," and these words are falling out of my face even though i'm trying to be profesh. and i'm like, "do people know, like... are people, you know..." and she's like, "do people know what?" i'm like, "are they saying..." like, i don't really know, and i'm, like, just falling apart.
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and she... and i realize she has no idea what i'm talking about. and so i stop. and i said, "i worked here 15 years ago." and she's like, "i know." and i said, "and then i moved away, "and i transitioned my, my gender identity, and, and now i'm back." and her eyes start filling up with tears, because i realize she's in shock, because i'm passing as male, and she has no idea. and she's trying to make me feel better in the minute, in the moment. she's like, "we're all very welcoming here." and she actually starts to, like, tell me about another transgender person on the staff. and i'm like, "whoa, did the person disclose that it's okay for you to say that?" and she's like, "oh, i don't know." and i was like, "you know what? it's going to be fine, it's going to be fine." and we kind of awkwardly wrap up. and i stand up, and i leave the office, and she's kind of, like, shaking her head, you know, i'm like, "oh, i just floored her." and then i'm like, "you know, really, what i need is something to eat," because hunger always makes the anxiety worse. so i go over to the café,
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and i'm, like, staring at the menu. i'm, like, "i can do this, i can do this." vegetables always is a good decision. i'm a health coach, i know that. but i can't. like, my brain is just hijacked by this anxiety of like, "what are people going to say?" and so people across the counter, like, smiling, like, introducing themselves, and like, "i can't even." so i grab my phone, and i run outside, and i called my mom, who answers on the first ring, which is poignant, because we were estranged for four years because of my transition. and so to be calling mom in a moment like this is pretty profound. and she answers; and i'm like, "mom, i totally made the wrong decision." and she's like, "what?" "why, what happened?" and she knows what i'm talking about, because 24 hours ago, i was trying to decide between choosing two part-time jobs, starting to get my business up and running after doing it up here in boston for ten years, got to start from scratch. so what kind of part-time job do i pick? other people would factor in things like, "well, how far is it? "how many miles, you know, would you put on your car? how much gas would you use?"
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so that's what i tried to decide. so i pick the one that's closer, and i pick the one that i used to work at as a different identity 15 years ago. so there's this added factor of me being transgender. and i realize what brought on the anxiety is my fear of people asking what my name used to be and talking about pronouns and asking invasive questions that for six years i've answered and i'm tired of answering. and i just don't want to answer those questions anymore. i don't want to talk about who i was, because what's the point, otherwise, if i don't get to be who i am now? and my mom listens; she says, "well, you had to know it was going to be like this." and i say, "well, mom, at 34, i didn't really know it was going to be like this," because that's when i transitioned. and she said, "well, have you had lunch yet?" and i say, "no." she said, "go get yourself some vegetables. it'll make you feel better." which is adorable, that my mother,
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again, the one that i'm calling in a moment like this, knows what to tell the health coach to do. so i go back inside, and i do get myself some vegetables, and i sit down, and the anxiety goes away because i realize that i can't control what people say, i can't control what people do-- who can? all i can control is my response, and that's what transition has taught me, is that i'm going to do that one person and one conversation, and probably one anxiety attack, at a time. (applause) stefan lynch strassfeld (ss): my family were mostly gay guys, who were my babysitters and the guys who you know,
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took the pictures at my birthday parties. and i felt like i had this amazing family. i called them my aunties. and it was a really wonderful, amazing world that came crashing down. starting in '82, the first person i knew, died of aids. um, a young guy named steve. beth teper bt: and how old were you at the time? ss: i was ten when he was diagnosed. i remember, i was on the beach on fire island and he was covered in these purple spots and i remember asking my dad, like what's wrong with steve? and my dad said, "oh he has this skin cancer called kaposi's sarcoma." and i said, well what is that? and my dad said, "well nobody really knows, but there are some gay men that are getting it." and within i think 2 months, steve was dead. and it was pretty much a succession of deaths of my family throughout the next decade. my step dad bill died in '87.
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my dad died in '91, after a really grueling six months of me taking care of him. you know, i was 19 and i was on a break from college and was really at my wits end and exhausted from taking care of my dad i called up my auntie eddie and i said, "can you help?" and within a week, he'd organized 40 people to do round the clock shifts. he was the only other person in the room with me and my mom when my dad died. at that point, everyone had died except for a handful of stragglers who i now hold near and dear to my heart. my aunties. it was a powerful family. there was a lot of love. and they modeled for me how to survive an epidemic, even if you were dying while doing it. ♪
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