>> female narrator: it's a story of grief... >> will you please bring my baby back? please? >> narrator: and longing... >> carlina would always be on my mind every day. >> narrator: betrayal... >> where did you get me from? >> she destroyed my life and my family. >> narrator: and discovery... >> now to an unbelievable reunion. >> she made this happen herself. she's the hero in this. >> i got my answers now to things that happened in my life. >> narrator: but carlina white's newfound family faced some hard realities. >> everything happened too fast, and we're all strangers to each other. >> it's hard to build a relationship with someone that you don't even know. >> these stories aren't always

happy ever after. they take time. >> narrator: now, for the first time on television, carlina, her birth parents and the family that raised her tell the true story behind a reunion that captivated the world. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com in january, 2011 an assistant in a hair salon near atlanta discovered she was really carlina white abducted as an infant from harlem hospital 23 years earlier. but though she had found her true family, in the months afterward she still had not made her way home. >> i still have that family that don't really know me. i was brought up differently. and i'm an adult as well. so it's like, it's gonna take a little bit more time.

>> she have the family that she was brought up with. and she don't know me. she don't know, you know, her real mom. >> this is not easy. you don't just wipe out 23 years of history and have everything revert to where it was on that day in 1987. >> she was a sweet baby the time that i had with her. >> narrator: joy white was 16 years old in 1987 when she found out she was pregnant by her then-boyfriend, 22-year-old carl tyson. >> we started talking about it. she said she wanted to keep the baby. and then that's when we had to really sit down and talk to our parents. >> i had to explain it to my mother, you know, what was going on. and she was upset at first. but she was very supportive throughout the whole thing.

>> narrator: it was a long pregnancy, running two weeks past the due date. by july 15th, joy had had enough. >> i got tired of being pregnant. so what i did was, i walked all the way from 125th street and broadway, and i walked down to 34th street. and then after that i went into labor. and i had her. >> narrator: she named the baby carlina renae white. the first name was for carl. the second was joy's middle name. >> that was a wonderful feeling. here's a little girl that i was gonna raise, that i would be able to take to the park. >> narrator: joy brought the baby home to her mother's apartment in harlem. >> we all used to just stand there and look at her, you know, talking about what a beautiful little girl. >> very pretty. always smiling. but she had some lungs on her. she used to cry, cry cry a whole lot. >> narrator: joy was just

learning to take care of her baby when carlina spiked a high fever: 104 degrees. on the evening of august 4th joy and carl rushed their 19-day-old baby to the emergency room at harlem hospital, where she had been born. the doctors found that carlina had swallowed some fluid during the delivery, and now she had an infection. >> i was upset, because, you know, that was my baby, and she was sick. and then when they told me that they have to keep her, you know, i was really, you know upset. >> narrator: as joy cried in the hallway outside the pediatric ward, a woman dressed in white comforted her. >> she came up to me. she seen me crying. and she came up to me and said "don't cry. here's a piece of tissue. don't worry. everything is gonna be okay." and she kind of made me feel better, you know, at that time because i was, like, so upset, i didn't know what to do. >> narrator: joy decided to head home to clean up and get a

little rest. >> i'm 16 years old. i'm a young girl. i didn't know any better at the time. i think the hospital is safe. >> narrator: she fell asleep but not for long. someone knocked on the door. and it was two detectives standing at the door. i say, "carlina die?" he said, "no." he said, "somebody took her from the hospital." so i called joy. i says, "joy." and she came running up here. i says, "somebody done took carlina." she couldn't believe it. she was hollering, "no-- oh, no. not my baby." >> i get this phone call. i get on the phone. joy in the background, crying, "carl, someone stole our baby." i said, "what are you talking about?" >> i ran to the hospital. they had detectives all over the place. they had helicopters. they had sniffing dogs. they had--i mean, it was everybody out there. nobody couldn't tell me anything at the time. we had a big conference with

the hospital. and everybody that worked on that ward that night sat at that table, and nobody knew anything. >> narrator: as they talked about the night, joy remembered the woman in white who had comforted her. >> and i was like, "oh, my god. you know, it was that lady." she saw me crying. she knew my baby was in that treatment room, and she said "stop crying." >> narrator: it turned out many people in the hospital had seen the woman hanging around especially in the pediatric ward. parents thought she worked there. staff members thought she was a parent or a volunteer. >> i really thought she was a nurse. i mean, she was dressed just like a nurse. but she had no nametag. >> obviously, the woman is some type of a hanger-on in the hospital. >> narrator: that's typical behavior, according to those who study infant abductors. >> they will go to hospitals and birthing centers. they will walk the halls.

they'll look at the nursery. they will identify particular children that might be of interest to them. >> narrator: police in harlem launched a frantic search, combing the hospital and surrounding buildings. they released pictures of baby carlina, hoping someone would recognize her. >> time is the enemy in a search for a missing child, and that's particularly true with an infant or a newborn, because you want to respond, generate visibility before the abductor gets to where the abductor's trying to get. >> narrator: when the woman in white left harlem hospital there were security cameras in place, but they weren't working. that left very little information to go on. >> no one can actually document that woman as the one leaving the hospital. we have no one seeing a woman fitting that description leaving the hospital with a child in tow. >> narrator: joy and carl and other witnesses from the hospital helped police develop a

sketch of the woman in white. then they identified a mug shot of a woman who looked like the sketch. detectives questioned her in the week after the abduction but she had an alibi. and there were no other strong leads. >> we have received over 50 calls from the public, and we are thoroughly investigating all the information that we have received. >> sometimes they'd say, "oh, we have a lead," and then turn around, there's no lead. and you'd be, like, "oh, man did they forget about us? come on, man, this is a baby." you know, sometimes i'd wonder. if i had a whole lot of money, would they have found my baby in a couple days? >> my sense is that nypd responded quickly, took it seriously, attempted to use the media. i think this was a failure on many levels, not the least of which was that america's hospitals hadn't really thought about or paid attention to these kinds of problems in the

1980s. >> narrator: the lack of attention allowed several infant abductions in the late '80s. though they were unrelated they all followed a similar pattern. >> typically, the abductor was someone, almost always a woman who would walk into the hospital, find a smock hanging up in a closet, pick the baby up out of a bassinette in the mother's room or in the nursery, walk off the floor, out of the hospital, out of their lives. [helicopter thudding] >> narrator: in the days and weeks that followed carlina's abduction, joy did everything she could to keep attention on the case. >> i did any interview that i could possibly do, you know, to talk about her. i want my baby back. she didn't have to do that to me. i had her. i was carrying her for nine months. she didn't have to take her from me. >> narrator: the loss was devastating.

>> it was hard for me, because i couldn't sleep. every night i had to take like sleeping pills every night because i could not sleep. >> police run out of leads. media spotlight dims. but these parents don't forget. >> this is a picture of me with carlina's stroller, empty stroller. i was always hoping that, you know, one day she would come back and could sit back in the stroller again. >> narrator: coming up, a little girl grows up not knowing she was stolen. >> i thought that she was my mom.

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>> narrator: in august, 1987, a young woman named ann pettway got off the train in bridgeport, connecticut with a baby girl. she was just 60 miles northeast of new york city, where carlina white had been abducted from harlem hospital. bridgeport was home for ann, but she hadn't been around in a few months. when she left, her family believed she was pregnant. and now she was ready to show off the baby. >> it wasn't a issue, because she was pregnant. so it wasn't to say, "oh, where did you get a baby?" you know, she was pregnant. so you come home with your child. >> narrator: infant abductions are relatively rare. there were fewer than 300 from 1983 to 2010.

but experts have been able to develop a profile of the perpetrators, and it seems ann pettway fit that profile to a "t." >> overwhelmingly, the abductor is a woman maybe a woman who has miscarried, who has lost a baby. these cases are more often driven by the psychological need to keep a particular man in a life, keep a relationship alive than it is for the baby, per se. so it's a very manipulative tool that these women use. >> narrator: the man ann was trying to keep in her life at the time was derrick nance, a local drug dealer. she would later tell the fbi that she wanted to have his baby, but had suffered several miscarriages. she named the new baby nejdra. but the family always called her neddy. the pettway family was a large clan spread across bridgeport's east side.

>> there are so many of us. you can walk down the street and see 20 family members. >> i remember just growing up with a lot of cousins, having a lot of family events together cook house parties, and it was just family orientated. >> she didn't really need friends, because we were there. we were her friends and her family. what's better to have than family? >> narrator: in the pettway family, neddy became known as an entertainer. >> every september, they'll have a family reunion at the park, and they'll have dance contests, and she'll get involved in it. >> i was just into the entertainment, just growing up believing one day that i would have been a star. >> narrator: but there was another side to her as well. >> she always liked to be to herself sometimes. >> to this day, she's still quiet and to herself. >> narrator: that quiet girl found her own outlet.

at the age of ten, she began writing poems. >> i just like to write. it expresses me. >> narrator: when neddy wasn't with her cousins, she was home with ann pettway. for years it was just the two of them, until ann had a baby boy when neddy was 11. >> ann is a very outspoken loving person. >> she made sure nejdra had everything she wanted and everything she needed. >> narrator: ann was fairly strict with her daughter though. >> she disciplined her when she needed disciplining. >> it was, "look, you have to go home, go to school, go to brittany's house." but she still let us have our fun as children. but she did have that strict side to her. >> narrator: the young neddy didn't dare talk back. >> you didn't ask questions why you should do it. it was just, you do it, because they told you. and that's how i grew up. i mean, from my uncles, my aunts, everybody. >> narrator: according to police reports, ann ran into some

trouble over the years. she was arrested in 1991, 1993 and 1997, on charges of drug possession and larceny. neddy had no idea at the time. >> i really wasn't exposed to everything that she was going through until i got older. >> as a child growing up, you're not into adult business, so those things we wouldn't know. >> narrator: neddy did shuttle back and forth to ann's mother's home, although she was given a different reason for the moves. >> i stayed with my grandmother when i attended school 'cause i was going based on her address. i went to a school in a better district. so i stayed with her. >> other grandkids who needed somewhere to stay or have some type of issues going on, they'll come and stay with my mom. and neddy was one of 'em that stayed. and most of the time, the kids choose to stay with my mom.

>> narrator: through her childhood, no one in the immediate family seems to have questioned nejdra's parentage. >> there was no suspicion that nejdra was not ann's daughter. >> i knew she looked a little bit different. but we all look a little bit different in the family. >> narrator: and neddy had no reason to question it either. >> if anything, i probably thought my dad wasn't my dad. i just figured, "okay, maybe i look like my dad, but i don't know who he is." but i thought that she was my mom for me growing up. >> narrator: in fact, of course, her real mother was 60 miles away in new york city, still dreaming of her missing baby carlina. >> no other leads. they just had crazy people call, saying that, you know, they may have seen carlina this or that, or whatever. but it was nothing. >> narrator: joy and carl split up after carlina was kidnapped. but together they sued harlem hospital for negligence in allowing their baby to be taken.

>> anybody come to a hospital, you're supposed to have security around 'em. you're supposed to watch them. that's your job. >> i think if they had more security at the time, this probably would have never happened. >> narrator: eventually, in 1992, they won a settlement of $750, 000. they put some of it aside for carlina. >> we had that hope our daughter was coming back. so that's why me and joy decided to start this trust fund. >> so if she was to be found by 21 years old, she would have it. >> narrator: meanwhile, all carlina's parents could do was wait. >> it's something that you can't explain when you have a missing child. but it always stayed with me. she was always on my mind. i always wondered where she was at. i would get on trains, and i would just look at girls, and i would think that maybe that's her. >> narrator: coming up, a pregnancy changes everything.

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purview of the national center for missing and exploited children. the experts there know that infant abductors usually take good care of their captives. >> we were convinced from day one that carlina white was out there somewhere, no doubt with a different name no doubt with no recollection or any inkling that she, in fact, was a missing child. >> narrator: the way the center keeps these cases in the public eye is with age progressions, using the last known picture of the child and information about her family to guess what she might look like as she grows up. >> it doesn't do much good to circulate the photograph of a 19-day-old child if she's now five years old, or ten years old or 23 years old. >> that was based on her sister, and i used that photograph to create carlina's age progression, based on mom's

statement that her half-sister looked just like carlina when they were born. so you can't argue with mom on that. >> narrator: carlina's mother, joy, made her own effort to keep the story alive and public. >> what i remember most about joy white was the fact that she never gave up. and periodically, joy would be in the media in new york or elsewhere. >> sometimes i go to sleep, i think about her. sometimes i wake up thinking about her. i did a lot of interviews over the years, because i wanted to find my daughter. i wanted her back, you know, with me. and i really believed that she was out there somewhere. and i wanted to get that message out that her mother wanted her to come back home. >> joy never stopped believing that carlina was alive. >> i always knew that carlina would probably look for her birth certificate or something or try to find out who her real

mom was. >> narrator: and in 2005, that's exactly what happened. the girl called nejdra, still living in bridgeport connecticut, found out she was pregnant. she had a serious boyfriend at the time and was excited about having a baby. the only problem was, she didn't have health insurance. she asked for help from the woman she had always called mom, ann pettway. >> i questioned her about, you know, my social security card and my birth certificate. she would say she'll handle it you know, get everything right for me. i don't have to worry about it. but i started getting impatient. >> narrator: nejdra snooped among ann's papers until she found one that looked like a birth certificate. she brought it in to apply for insurance. >> they told me to take the paper and leave out the office before i get arrested. and i just looked at the lady

like, "i'm just trying to get, you know, prenatal care. i need to go to the doctor 'cause i'm pregnant." and she's like, "well, this is fraud." >> narrator: the birth certificate was a fake. the clerk called the woman who had made it, ann pettway. now ann had to give nejdra an explanation. >> when she got back home from work that night, she came into my room. i was hanging up my clothes in my closet. she sat on my bed. and she said, "i'm sorry." and tears started falling out her eyes. and i was like, "what are you sorry about?" and she was like, "i'm just-- i'm sorry. i wish i could have told you," you know. she was like, "your mom just left you there. she just left you there, and she never came back." i'm like, "what?" she just basically told me that she wasn't my mom. that someone left me. and she took me in and basically took care of me. >> narrator: the news that nejdra was not ann's child surprised the whole family. but the close-knit pettway clan

closed ranks. >> no one cared about it truthfully. to me, she was always my family, and she will always be my family. >> narrator: meanwhile, the connecticut department of children and families, or dcf, opened a file on nejdra's case. but there wasn't a lot of information to go on. and ann wasn't much help. >> it's like she don't remember anything. she don't talk about it. i asked her several times. >> narrator: ann claimed nejdra had been born in new haven, but there was no record of the birth. dcf took dna samples and confirmed that ann wasn't the mother, but they said they couldn't help nejdra find out who was. >> i was like, "can you take my blood at least to match it up with someone that's out there?" they was like, "that's tv stuff." >> dcf found out. they didn't do nothing. what would you do if they say, "that's not your mother," but they not finding your mother? >> it was like i'm starting from scratch. i don't know anything. i don't have any names, no area

where they from, no background no nothing. >> narrator: nejdra, who had always kept to herself, writing poems rather than sharing her feelings, kept this news to herself as well. >> she dealt with it on her own, basically. you would've never known that there was speculation that she was her mother, that she wasn't. you wouldn't have never known any of that. >> i'm still healthy. i'm still alive. and i just got to move forward. and that's how i looked at it. >> narrator: besides, she had her own baby to look after now. on may 6, 2005, nejdra gave birth to a daughter. she named her samani. >> that was the best thing that happened to her. she loves her. to have a daughter that's just like you is the one thing she could have ever asked for. >> narrator: and eventually, that daughter and the revelations around her birth would lead nejdra to uncover the secrets of her own birth.

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>> in 2005, the girl called nejdra was 17 years old, living in bridgeport, connecticut, with her new daughter, samani. she had found out that the woman she'd always called mom, ann pettway, in fact was not her mother. still, as she graduated from high school and moved out on her own, she kept up a relationship with ann and with the entire pettway family. in 2009, she moved near atlanta, where more members of the pettway family lived. >> i just wanted a new atmosphere for me and my

daughter. >> narrator: nejdra found a job as an assistant in a hair salon, and she worked to build a life for herself and her daughter. >> she's a very down-to-earth, strict mom. >> p-e and "r." so, yeah, it's cut off, so i read the rest. >> she makes sure samani does her homework. she makes sure she's on point with everything she needs to do. she's actually a great mother. >> narrator: but being a mother made nejdra wonder about her own mother. >> some days i wake up and look at my daughter and wonder, "who do i look like?" >> narrator: every so often, she would trawl the internet looking for clues. >> mainly around july, the summertime, when my birthday come around, 'cause i already knew that my birthday wasn't the date of birth i was born on. >> narrator: still intensely private, she told no one what

she was doing. >> that's something i guess she harbored, which i know ate her up inside. >> that was a journey that nejdra had to search and endure on her own. >> narrator: but in the fall of 2010, nejdra asked her aunt cassandra for help. >> she was like, you know, "i still want to find my mom and see who my family is." and i said, "if you want me to help you, i'll help you." i think that was a chapter in her life that she needed to complete in order to move forward with her life. >> narrator: neither of them thought about what finding out the truth would mean for ann pettway, the woman who raised nejdra. the week before christmas, they began to search for answers. nejdra had always looked for stories of missing children from connecticut, since ann had told her she was born in

new haven. this time, she decided to cast a wider net. >> i was just reading through articles about african-americans, hispanics anything that was missing around the new england area. and i came across that baby picture. that look like it could be me. and just how the dates were adding up, it was a little close to my birthday. so i got kind of stuck on the whole concept of everything about the whole article and the picture. >> narrator: the picture she found was of carlina white stolen as a baby from harlem hospital in august 1987. >> and i'm like, "auntie, don't you think this looks like me?" >> it looked like her, but the only thing that was in question for me was the hair. it seemed like too much hair. >> narrator: the picture was on the web site of the national

center for missing and exploited children, which had followed carlina's case for years. nejdra called the center's hotline and spoke to jordan wood. >> she had strong suspicions. >> i'm explaining to her my whole story. >> there were problems with her birth certificate and her other documents. so that was her main concern and her main reason for feeling that she was possibly abducted as an infant. she just said, "i feel that my parents are still out there looking for me, not knowing that i'm going by another name and another social security number." >> narrator: nejdra did not tell jordan that she had seen the picture of carlina white. >> i don't know exactly if that was me in that picture. i just called to see if someone could match it up and just let me know. >> i could definitely hear a lot of frustration in her voice. she had gone to other agencies before she came to us, and she hadn't gotten anywhere. so, you know, out of frustration she said, "i don't know who i am." >> narrator: jordan took nejdra's information and a

complete physical description, and passed it to the center's analysts. >> we knew based upon neddy's age that we could rule out cases prior to 1987. but then we began to look at a wide range of cases subsequent to 1987. the child could have been taken when she was one or two or even three years old and not have any memory of her birth parents. >> narrator: finally, the analysts came up with what they believed was the best match, carlina white. on january 4, 2011, a case worker called joy white, carlina's mother. >> i was at work when he called me. and i was like, "found my daughter?" so i left my desk, and i went downstairs, and i just started crying. and i started screaming. >> narrator: the case worker sent pictures of the girl they'd identified as carlina to joy and to carlina's father, carl. >> and when he emailed me those pictures, i sat there,

and i cried. >> she looked just like joy used to look in the day. then i called joy up. i said, "joy." she said, "yeah." i said, "joy, she looks like she could be our daughter." >> narrator: and then joy got another call. >> she said, "hi, mom." and that touched me. >> she had me on speaker. we talked. my aunts was in the background yelling, saying "come home." they knew it was me. >> nobody could believe it. we were all in here going crazy. so happy. >> narrator: joy notified the new york city police department. >> i said, "hello, my name is joy white. and i'm the mother of carlina white that was missing in 1987. and she had been found." >> narrator: coming up, the reunion is sweet but short-lived. >> she's alive, but there's still a long way to go on this. took no time to find these new carlos santana boots... they're a nice reminder i'm more than just a mom. they're a nice reminder i'm more than just a mom. (squeak) (squeak) hey janice, cute boots!

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>> narrator: in january, 2011, more than 23 years after a baby

named carlina white was stolen from harlem hospital, she was reunited with her birth parents, joy and carl. >> look this way. okay, thanks, mom. >> i was nervous. i was definitely nervous. you want some bread for that pasta? >> she flew up here from atlanta her and my granddaughter. and i made sure that all the family was here. all my family came over. and we cooked. and we just enjoy each other. >> you know we got a forehead and everything over here. >> carlina, she was a sweet, adorable, beautiful girl. and right away i seen carl, her father's, eyes. i said, "oh, god." i say, "you got your father's eyes." >> so i hugged her. and, i was like, "oh, my god." she saw tears coming from my eyes. i said, "i can't believe this." then joy come downstairs, and joy said, "that's our baby." and i say, "yeah. that's our baby." >> narrator: at the time, the reunion was everything they had hoped for. >> when she was here, it was like nothing never happened,

like she was never lost. >> i didn't feel anything else but happiness. >> she would say to me, like "why you staring at me like that?" i don't think that she understood how much i missed her. and i couldn't believe that she was in front of me. and it was just--oh god. it was just so unbelievable. the whole thing is unbelievable. >> narrator: but after the reunion, problems quickly developed. the story of the young woman who discovered her true identity became big news. >> now to an unbelievable reunion. 23-year-old carlina white of georgia had long suspected she wasn't related to the people who raised her. >> narrator: by the time she was headed home to atlanta, where she lived, the media had descended. >> i think she was a little overwhelmed, and i think she was a little spooked by the attention. >> narrator: the media attention had another consequence. the pettway family, who she'd grown up with as nejdra, now

heard the whole story. >> i found out about it on the news. my emotions were so mixed up. i was sad. i was happy that she got the answers that she wanted. it was just a ball of emotions all in me. >> everybody was really happy for her. and they told her, "you found your family, but we'll still be your family also." >> the ones that did reach out they said that nothing really changed for them. they still love me the same way. i'm still their cousin. >> narrator: but there was still a big question. what would happen to ann pettway, whom authorities believed was the one who took baby carlina from harlem hospital? when police went looking for her in north carolina, where she'd moved, she was gone. her sister says she wanted to bring her 13-year-old son to be with her family in bridgeport, connecticut. >> they make it out to be like she was some crazed animal or

something like that. and it wasn't like that. she knew she had to go and take care of her responsibilities and that's what she went to go do. >> narrator: on january 23 2011, ann turned herself in to authorities in bridgeport. she gave a statement saying she had caused a lot of pain. but she pled not guilty to the kidnapping charge brought against her. >> she's upset. she's concerned about the impact this has on all the members of her family. >> narrator: for every court hearing, members of the pettway family and carlina white's family were on hand. >> she act like nothing never happened, like she didn't do anything. and she have no remorse whatsoever. my stomach feels sick when i see her. >> narrator: but for carlina who was raised by ann, the subject was more complicated. >> i would just like to know. what's the reason behind it?

i want to know her side of the story, because i don't know her side. >> narrator: watching the woman who raised her face jail time was difficult, especially because she was the one who set it in motion. >> i didn't acknowledge that she was gonna go to jail and get taken away, you know, from my brother, and they're separated and now he has to come up without his mom. i'm gonna speak from my heart. if i was able to give her another chance, i would. her serving time, it's not gonna do much. >> narrator: the disagreement over what should happen to ann pettway caused a serious rift. >> i think that they should lock her up and throw away the key. i think that she needs to do life for what she did to me. >> the anger that they giving off is only satisfying them. it's like, you doing that not caring about how i'm feeling.

>> narrator: and other disagreements developed. at the reunion, a story came out that ann had mistreated carlina when she was growing up. >> well, she told me that she used to beat her up with a shoe and leave a shoeprint on her face. and when she told me that, i cried. for someone else to take my daughter and to treat her that way, you know, that was very hurtful. >> narrator: the story caused a crisis in the pettway family. >> me and nejdra sat and cried. and it hurt us so bad, because it wasn't that bad. >> she was loved. she was not mistreated. there was no abuse. >> i don't look at it as me being abused. it's just, i guess the words that they put out there. they take, you know, what you say, mix it up, and make it sound as how they want it to be. >> narrator: and then there was the question of money.

in a family where no one had much, it became a contentious issue. the settlement that joy and carl received from harlem hospital had long since been spent. >> things were rocky with, you know, as far as the financial situation. i have kids. carl have kids. and we used the money to live. that was a choice that we had to make at the time. >> narrator: carlina insisted it didn't matter. >> i could care less about that money, 'cause i didn't have it from the beginning. i was searching just to find who i was. >> narrator: the situation, so promising in january 2011, fell apart quickly. >> she went back home. so we haven't seen her since. >> narrator: as winter turned to spring, there was no second reunion. in fact, there was very little communication. >> well, it's like i found her

but she's still lost. >> it's eating joy up inside to know that her daughter is alive, and her daughter's not with her. her daughter's turning back to the people that's kidnapped her. >> when people all of a sudden are found and there's this great brouhaha and excitement and celebration, there's sort of like a halo effect that takes place. and you believe everything's gonna be great from now on. but these are very difficult complicated issues. they're not easily resolved. >> narrator: dr. geoffrey greif has interviewed many people who were abducted as children and followed them as they became adults. he says the division between carlina and her birth parents is typical. >> there were a lot of people that i've interviewed who did not know that they had even been kidnapped. that would cause you to question the previous 15 or 20 years of your life, because you don't know what to believe anymore when something that significant has been told to

you that's not true. >> narrator: for the birth parents, there is a different set of issues to reconcile. >> all of a sudden they've received the child back in their life. and they are apt to treat the child as if the child was still very young. they have to step back a long ways and try and realize who this person is now and try and construct a meaningful relationship based on who the person is now, not who they wish the person could have been had they raised her. >> narrator: joy white said that was just what she wanted to do. >> i was having trouble when it first happened. but i had to sit down, and i had to analyze everything. and now i feel really bad. i feel sorry for her. i feel bad for her, because i know that she's going through some emotion, because i am too. i'm her mother, and i'm going through something right now. >> narrator: but building a relationship would mean accepting that her daughter was still loyal to the pettway family.

>> i'm gonna have a relationship with that family. and if y'all want a relationship with me, y'all gonna have to be able to accept that i am still gonna be affiliated with that family. i look at it as, i should be free to be able to speak to who i want to speak to, consider who i want to be my aunt, want to be my uncle, my cousins, and my friends. >> narrator: even her name was an issue. legally, she was changing it to carlina. but she said she would always be neddy. >> nejdra and carlina, it's like in between two families. so one side know nejdra. the other side know carlina. so neddy is just me. go ahead, girl. >> narrator: she was receiving help from psychologists at the national center for missing and exploited children. >> neddy is really a good person, really a caring person who is in the middle of a storm. i mean, she goes from being a mom of a five-year-old with questions about her history to

being in the center of a media frenzy with everybody wanting a piece of her and everybody wanting to talk to her and use her and manipulate her. and she needs some time and some space and the ability to sort through all of this. we're trying to help her do that. >> i think that one day she'll come along, and she'll understand what her real mother is going through. >> carlina, listen. you know your mother and father love you. we had a happy beginning, and we can still make this happy. we all want to see you. you don't know how much love you have from all of us. >> narrator: through it all, the young woman who found out she was carlina white said she was glad she did. >> i look at every day as a better day for me to just wake up and acknowledge that i do know who i am. i know who my parents are. i'm good just knowing that. >> narrator: and she, too,