due to mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised. an inmate defends himself against a violent attack. now authorities want to know if he took it too far. >> there's no longer an assault on you. >> while another inmate takes creative steps to send his love to a girlfriend, he allegedly, accidentally, shot -- ♪ i understand you're feeling down ♪

>> and two cellmates deal with drug addiction. >> i don't care about anything or anyone. >> and motherhood. >> i love you. by day, boston, massachusetts, is both a modern metropolis and home to some of america's early historical sites. like most big cities, an under belly of drugs and crime left to the law enforcement to combat. just outside downtown, that battle, the suffolk county jail. >> the jail is a maximum facility. it holds anyone arrested and on bail that can't make it. someone for shoplifting and

frequently someone charged with homicide. >> unlike prison where all inmates have been convicted and sentenced, most are only charged with crimes and are innocent until proven guilty. there are nearly 2,000 inmates convicted and are serving short sentences here. >> we have the largest sheriff's department in the northeast. so we're moving a lot of people in and out of here and trying to do a lot with them in a relatively short period of time we have them. >> so-hoo! >> and the people get that done every day do a remarkable job. >> in some units, a lone officer oversees, like a beat cop. allows them to build a rapport and reduce fighting. but in jail, fights still break out. policy dictates both for his own correction and that of the

inmates, the officer on duty not intervenes until backup arrives. with seconds, officers swarm the area. >> hey -- ah! >> the inmates involved are quickly restrained and removed from the unit. >> step to your rooms. open the doors. hold the door. hold the door. >> one of the combatants is 28-year-old ja-norris hayes. he'll be treated for minor injuries while they piece together what happened. >> the altercation on two. >> and a review of jail surveillance footage.

>> a this is the 2-1 unit, around 5:00 p.m. dinner time. these are designated unit workers, helping serve food, mop the floors and the tallest gentleman in the frame is ja- norris hayes, he's about to be attacked by a detainee way weapon. a sock weighted with batteries. allows him to strike the victim while providing distance so the victim can't strike back. fortunately for mr. hayes, he was able to stop the initial attack. what happens is mr. hayes gains the upper hand in this fight, and though this started as he was the victim of an assault, he quickly becomes a participant in an altercation. the officer continues to observe the scene and await the arrival of our response teams and mr. hayes gained the upper hand in this altercation and you see the officers secure them quickly and they'll be headed out of to segregation. >> having received treatment for minor injuries, hayes is secured back in his cell.

>> ended up like this and you're on top of him. at a certain point you have a -- that's no longer an assault on you. now you're beating the hell out of him. all right? that's what happened. >> deputies will also question the other inmate asked not to be identified on camera. then members of the jail's disciplinary board will determine what sanctions, if any, will be hand down. >> i really don't even know what happened. just doing my job, and turned around, it happened so fast. i was just in the moment. ♪ >> i'm the type of person that minds his own business. i'm not too social, but sometimes, you need a shoulder, for that person it lean on by

saying hello or good morning, which might brighten up their day. >> his easy going attitude stands in contrast to the alleged crime that brought him to jail in the first place. attempted murder. he's pled not guilty and has been in jail nearly four months awaiting trial. >> here i am again, and because of my past history and my record, you know, they're trying to somewhat use that against me, thinking on -- i'm a menace to society, which i'm really not. >> his long-term future is up to the courts. for now, he's facing possible time in the jail segregation unit, if the disciplinary board sanctions him for the fight. he will have a hearing with the next few days. >> the only thing i can do is just hope for the best. you know? >> hayes is hardly alone in facing an uncertain future. a short distance away in the women's wing of the jail, 26-year-old krystal o'reilly is currently awaiting trial on several charges including armed

robbery. if convicted, she faces five to ten years in prison. >> allegedly i robbed two banks in boston. >> i had always -- not necessarily dreamed but like talked about it, joked about it, robbing a bank. a lot of people i know have done it. >> authorities allege that surveillance footage shows o'reilly robbing a boston bank with a handgun and a second bank a few days later. o'reilly pleads not guilty but does have a prior armed robbery conviction. she says she turned to robbery to support a drug addiction. >> i used heroin and coke and the way i use, i'm an animal. i don't care about anything or anyone. i don't care who i step on, who i abandon. doesn't matter.

>> she says her drug addiction has caused her to steal from her own mother. >> i actually wrote a check, only $90. i call her accountant. he said, that's what she had. i said i'll write the check for $90. now it's overdrawn, like $150, the fees keep piling up. don't go like that. goes paycheck to paycheck. she doesn't know who i am. she just wants her daughter back. >> in the meantime, her mother is raising o'reilly's 2-year-old son. the good news is that her incarceration in the suffolk county jail has kept her off drugs and she has a cellmate she can relate to. >> you is in downtown boston and you know -- down in the -- a good cell. we can see the men, too. >> yeah.

>> i'm from massachusetts. it's -- gang bangers, drug dealers, prostitutes and addicts. i love it. i don't know what it is about that place, because it's disgusting, but i [ bleep ] love it. >> i was 14 when i started shooting heroin. normal 14-year-olds aren't shooting heroin. very few times i've come in here and it's not the result of drugs. not many times i can say i've been in my right frame of mind and walked in these doors. >> melanie's prior convictions have usually been misdemeanor related to her drug use. this time she's been here for a month on a violation known locally at common night walking >> it is prostitution.

it's a form of prostitution, but anybody can be charged with it. walking at night, in a known prostitution area. welcome to the commonwealth. >> she's pled no guilty and hopes the charge will be dismissed during her upcoming court appearance. whether she gets out or stays in suffolk county jail, reddy says she'll be among friends. >> boston jail, where everybody's knows your name. when i come in, it's not like i'm alone. there's somebody i know here because i've done so much time. this is, you always know somebody. >> what? an ace? coming up -- >> kind of rough. >> she confronts a tragic anniversary. and authorities have something to say to her. >> will you marry me, baby girl. >> and later -- >> small misunderstanding.

that's all. >> ja-norris hayes explains the fight. on our car insurance. great! at progressive, you can compare rates side by side, so you get the same coverage, often for less. wow! that is huge! [ disco playing ] and this is to remind you that you could save hundreds! yeah, that'll certainly stick with me. we'll take it. go, big money! i mean, go. it's your break, honey. same coverage, more savings. now, that's progressive. call or click today. your finances can't manage themselves.

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for most inmates, jail has a way of crimping their personal lives. for the seven months he's been at the boston suffolk county jail, 25-year-old robert sutton has only spoken to his girlfriend on the phone, but he's determined to take the relationship to the next level. >> listen, i need a close-up. all right? will you marry me, baby girl? i'm serious. i love you, baby. >> but the crime sutton has been accused of, it may be a long time before he can start a family. he's been charged with distribution of cocaine, for allegedly selling 150 grams to a confidential informant. sutton has pled not guilty and

though he's never been convicted of drug dealing, admits he's no stranger to the drug trade, oh, yeah. i've dealt drugs. i'm not going to lie about that. i've dealt drugs, just my up bringing. you know what i mean? survival, sell drugs, but i didn't sell those drugs. >> if convicted, sutton will face a minimum sentence of ten years, but that's not the only serious crime he's accused of. less than a year earlier, a nighttime gun battle erupted on an east boston ridge. after the investigation, sutton was arrested and charged with assault with intent to commit murder. he has pled not guilty. >> they say that i was on a bridge and two people got shot and allegedly one of the people that did the shooting. >> one of the shooting victims was reported to be a member of a

rival gang. ironically, the the other is the woman he just proposed to. >> allegedly they're saying i shot them both. >> why did they say that? >> i don't know. >> [ inaudible ]. >> no. i was not carrying no weapons whatsoever. whatsoever. >> so somebody else was shooting? >> i -- it wasn't me. >> but according to authorities, sutton was the only shooter on the bridge that night. they say he shot the gang member, then presumably by accident shot emily. >> say there's four videos saying a black male and a white tee in black jeans and an arm and a whole bunch of shots. that's what they're saying. this is america. you know how many black men is in this world that might be wearing black shorts a white

t-shirt, that has to be me? >> sutton says after the shots ended he realized emily was lying on the bridge. >> something's wrong with her chest. ripped the shirt open. there was -- three holes in her chest. so -- >> while emily was recovering in the hospital, authorities arrested sutton. they charged him with shooting hi rifle. he wasn't charged for emily's shooting, because she backed up his story. >> sometimes i be thinking this ain't real, but am i really still here? because i haven't spent no time with her since she got shot. i haven't touched her. you know what i mean? all i know, this could be a figment of my imagination. she really could be dead. >> when it comes to the death of a loved one, krystal o'reilly is clear of reality. especially during this time. as she awaits trial for two bank robberies she allegedly committed to support a drug habit, she thinks about her two

sons. 2-year-old maddox is being raised by her mother. her first son was born with significant birth defects and died shortly thereafter. then her fiance died of an overdose. >> i lost two of the most important people in my life in less than a year. at that point, nothing mattered. absolutely nothing. didn't matter i was pregnant. didn't matter my family was scared, because they knew how i felt. nothing mattered. i just used. three years later, i still don't forgive myself. this is the first time i've actually had to deal with it without getting high. because i'd been using ever since. feel, deal and heal, they say all the time. i haven't felt. i haven't dealt, and damn sure haven't healed. >> as the anniversaries of both deaths draw closer, o'reilly

requested to see one of the jail's chaplains. >> she's really in need. going through a bad time with the particular time of year. >> kind of rough. >> what's been happening? >> this week, the anniversary. three years. >> i see you're carrying a pick her. let me see. >> this is my little man. >> oh! that's maddox? >> yeah. look -- oh, look, he's sleeping. >> he falls asleep in the weirdest places. nice to keep connected with him. >> oh, that's so wonderful. >> uh-huh. >> oh, you've got so much to live for. >> i know. >> and you're doing well. he keeps me going. >> i am just so glad, the way you are looking at it. i pray that you have hope. >> uh-huh. >> because that's such a big

thing in your life. and making changes isn't easy. but it's so worth it. and you deserve it. and you can really sort it out. go forward and not only forward in the days, but forward knowing that you can make it. really, there is a place to be. shall we pray before you go? >> okay. >> lord, this is your child. this is krystal and you love her, and we want to pray for her. >> i feel it went very well. it was a good call to have her down, because she certainly is just going through some -- some pretty deep sorrow. >> amen. god bless you. keep you safe.

and i'm here if you need me. >> thank you. >> the way that i look at it to keep my sanity is, like, i'm given the time to change me. you know, to change the person that i brought in here. i've taken it as, like -- a chance to start all over. coming up -- >> they've told my daughter that i'm in school, however, now her mother doesn't come home from school. >> melanie reddy deals with some very hard truths. >> i'm going to go get high. work faster and smarter so you can get back to playing "angry birds." it lets you access business forms on the go, fire off e-mails with the qwerty keypad, and work securely around the world so you can get back to playing "angry birds." it's the android-powered phone that mixes business with pleasure. so let's get our work done, america,

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happy birthday! >> for the last month, good friends and cellmates melanie and krystal have looked out for each other during their stay at boston suffolk county jail. >> you going to throw it away? >> yeah. >> well, what was it? what are you going to do?

>> right. >> but their time together might almost be up. in a few days, reddy is due no court to face a charge of prostitution she hopes will be dismissed. if show, she'll be released from the courthouse directly back on to the streets. and back to the problems presented by her long-standing -- >> do you want to get clean? >> right now, no. i've had years being a mother and taking my kid to the doctors and my mother's for sunday dinner and all of that -- the fiance and the house i've had, all of that and -- so what it meant, i don't know. the minute something went wrong i ran to the only thing i know. drugs and the streets. drugs and the streets.

like that never even existed. >> reddy's 4 1/2-year-old daughter is now being raised by her mother and sister. reddy says they still have some contact, although her daughter doesn't know she's in jail. >> they've told my daughter that i'm in school, however, now she's looking on the school bus, because her mother doesn't come home from school. so i don't know if it's better or worse. my kid's probably going to have an attitude, ever. she's too good to be around me. she doesn't deserve that. when i'm not doing the right thing, she has no business being around me, and i have no business being around her. it's a tough pill to swallow, because no matter what, i'll still get high. i thought my kid would keep me clean, unfortunately, she didn't. >> right now, if reddy is missing anything, it's the

temptations she can find on the streets of boston. >> we got windows of downtown boston where i run at. people pay millions. we get for free. it puts me right now and right where everything is going on. like i'm missing something. and right now if i got out tonight, i know i'm probably ending up downtown. recovery is not an option right now. i'm not going to get clean. i'm going to go get high. there's always that story that, like, you see people get clean and sober, but this is the other side of it. this is the not so clean and not so sober side. coming up. >> when you went to the hospital, were you punching into him? >> ja-norris hayes faces the disciplinary board. >> i got somebody that's going to do me a favor. >> robert sutton sends a singing telegram to his girlfriend. jail style. ♪ i understand you're feeling down ♪

a lawyer representing the 32-year-old suspect in the norway massacres says his client feels his actions were atrocious but necessary. a massive bombing was followed by a shooting spree at a youth camp that killed at least 92. singer amy winehouse has been found dead at the age of 27. she has been battling drug and alcohol problems. but a cause of death has not been released. now back to the "lockup." due to mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised. ♪

krystal o'reilly continues her time in boston awaiting trial for allegedly robs two banks, but her life in jail has taken a major turn. her cellmate and good friend melanie reddy recently had her prostitution charge dismissed and is returning to the streets. >> when we go downtown, in massachusetts, well, it's -- gang bangers, drug dealers, prostitutes and addicts. i love it. i don't know what it is about that place, because it's disgusting, but i [ bleep ] love it. i know how it is being out there especially not reddy. like i really want to change, but she won't. which i respect that. she knew i wanted to get clean. we didn't talk much about using and i knew she didn't want to be clean so we didn't talk about that. >> not surprising she received

distressing news about her friend. >> she od'd. left me upset. i haven't cried since i got here. nobody knew further than that. just that she od'd somewhere the day she got out. then i got the letter from her a couple days later. it was such a relief to read. it was written after the fact. so, like, she obviously was still alive. it says, krystal, what's up, chicky? me, nothing too good at all. wednesday i shot dope and died, real talk. knocked me three times then the paddles so i haven't been [ bleep ] hitting the dope too hard. truth be told, i don't give a [ bleep ] about anything. it's quite disturbing, oh well. all bets are off about anything. don't get too comfortable not seeing me because it hasn't been too long. as we both know it happens. so, whatever. i always knew that. i got to go. obviously it isn't too pretty now. i love you more than you know and thank you for everything. i appreciate everything and mean it.

i do love you and miss you. love you, mel. i don't know how i feel about it. it's just -- i don't know. i just hope she gets it. >> reality is also hitting hard for ja-norris hayes. >> never been in segregation before. >> after he was attacked by another inmate wielding a sock full of batteries hayes was moved to segregation to await his disciplinary hearing. while he didn't instigate the fight, he could get charged for the upper hand. ignoring those to stop fighting while the deputy assigned to the unit waits for backup. it's up to the deputy officer to decide how long hayes must stay in segregation. >> did you fight back at all? what did you do there? >> blocked it and rushed to defend myself. >> right. >> i ended up on top of him.

>> right. >> and that was it. i came -- >> when you ended up on top of him, were you punching into him at that point in time? >> i can't say. >> all right. because that's what officers -- >> defensive. right. >> if you get the upper hand and continue going, that's fighting as well. you know? that's how that's going to work. did you know the guy? why was he -- >> actually, i did not. i'm not even -- >> i'm from georgia, sir and -- >> why did you have a crowd come at you? what did he come at you for? >> i think because of a lack of communication. >> okay. >> a small misunderstanding. that's what i'm figuring. >> a misunderstanding. i don't know anything about you. i know about this other guy. but you don't know? >> no, i don't know. >> all right. but i'll watch the tape and get back to you on that and come back and give you my final decision. all right?

take you back upstairs. >> all right. >> i've never been here before. >> i know that. >> biggy, come here. i want to harass the people -- >> lately robert sutton has avoided making the kind of mistake that would land him in segregation, but a different kind of slipup temporarily put him on crutches. >> playing basketball. came down, heard a pop. waiting on an x-ray. >> want me to match that? want me to match that? all right. i'll match that. give him back the crutches. >> sutton hasn't let his injury slow him down. particularly when it comes to planning a surprise for his girlfriend emily. >> thinking of something i could do for her to do that sutton

enlisted the help from another inmate in his unit. >> he's going have me sing for her so she can feel good today. >> he's good at what he does. he's good at what he does. you know? he sings. really can hit some high notes. i caught him singing on the phone. overheard him one day, the whole unit was strong to it. kind of crazy. one man singing. the whole unit. that's when i knew the boy had talent. >> it's my way of showing my appreciation. i got somebody that's going to do me a favor. are you ready? >> just because you locked up doesn't mean you can't figure out some type of way to make your loved one feel better. you know what i mean? ♪ i understand you're feeling down, it's not because i ain't around for you ♪ >> i doubt i can sing. i can't hold a note for -- yeah, i can't hold a note. ♪ i know you probably need me

now it's really not much i can do ♪ >> i mean, it's another way of going up and over to show her that you love her. you know? ♪ at the present i'm dealing with my past hopefully there's a future that can last ♪ between us ♪ >> anybody can say it. the sound of i love you, but to show it. to the best of your ability. >> ♪ thinking love >> it's the best way to go. ♪ i need ya >> at the end of the day, that's all i got. that's really all i got. her and my mother. emily, i love you. ♪ can't take my love away i'm yours, baby, i'm yours, i'm yours ♪ i'm yours, i'm yours ♪ >> i love you, baby girl.

i love you. she says she didn't expect that. she wasn't ready for that one. i told you, baby. i love you. coming up, melanie reddy is back in jail. and robert sutton gets the visit he's longed for. >> will you marry me? ♪ ♪ out where a friend is a friend ♪ [ gulps ] ♪ where the longhorn cattle feed ♪ ♪ on the lowly gypsum weed ♪ back in the saddle again see how affordable an rv vacation can be. visit gorving.com and watch a free video. go affordably. go rving. woman: saving for our child's college fund was getting man: yes it was. so to save some money, we taught our 5 year old how to dunk.

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melanie reddy spent a month in the suffolk county jail awaiting trial on prostitution charge. the case was eventually dismissed, and reddy has now returned to the streets of boston, but she knew her future was less than certain. >> i've done years, i've done months.

i keep coming in and out, because every time i use, this is my end result. >> the day she was released from jail, reddy was treated for a heroin overdose. three weeks later, she's back in the jails intake department. she was arrested for being under the influence of drugs in a public place. >> right. seriously. >> the last time she was certainly dope sick. somebody coming in from the street. they haven't had a fix, you know, in a few hours. it's when your body is starting to realize, hey, where's that drug? and all of those symptoms, vomiting, cramping, seizures, everything. it's all of those things are now coming to the surface. >> what? >> reddy will detox in the jail's infirmary. a process that can take anywhere from a few days to two weeks.

her close friend and former cellmate krystal o'reilly says she's relieved to have her back. >> i don't wish this on anybody, but because i knew what she was going out to do i kind of was hoping to see her back. at least i know she's safe. at least i know, they'll have that. >> while she waits for her friend to be released from the infirmary, o'reilly turns her focus to rebuilding her own life. especially with her 2-year-old son and mother who's raising him. today she's making cards, and in jail, that takes unusual creativity. >> i'm making crayons with tampons since i don't really have access, full access, anyway, to crayons or pencils or anything like that. got to get creative. so what we do is, take a tampon and any white deodorant. take it and either a magazine or a newspaper, and rub it on the color. magazines work a little better,

but they don't usually come through here frequently. so -- make due with the metro. make different stencils. i get letters. hearts, stuff like that. i make stationery for my mom, my son, my nana. pretty much anybody that i write to gets some sort of you know, design. >> o'reilly speaks to her mother and son by phone once a week, but visits are few and far between. >> the things that i'm missing, like watching my son grow up. his first snow. she sent me pictures of him being in the snow. all i could see is like this much. you see everything covered up, so red. you can tell he's smiling because his cheeks are up here in this eyes. and i'm missing all of that. >> there are certain moments of robert sutton's life he'd be happy to forget. after several shots were fired

on a bridge, sutton was charged with the murder of a rival gang member. sutton's girlfriend emily was also shot during the incident. sutton was arrested before emily had fully recovered and says the trauma of the night have stayed with him. >> i never had any reason to -- i looked at her laying down on the floor with bullet holes in her chest. i just miss her touch. >> sutton hopes that after today he'll be able to put those memories to rest. emily has received approval for a visit. while authorities claim the bullets that accidentally hit emily came from sutton's gun -- emily supports sutton's story, and maintains the gunfire came from an unknown assailant. >> i have a scar right here. that's one of them. i got that one.

and then this one. the first bullet i didn't feel it. i just stood there and then i see the guy running to me. he did it again and i fell but i was awake the whole time. i was awake. >> despite her wounds, emily says her main concern was for sutton. >> to be honest, all i was thinking about was him. nothing else was going through my mind. i just wanted him to be next to me. i love him. he's my baby. >> i mean, just being able to touch her, that's really -- i'm anxious to give her a hug. >> normally the jail does not permit contact visits prior to conviction. >> he'll be with you in a moment. >> but due to filming restrictions in the visiting area, officials set up a temporary visiting station that could accommodate our cameras. >> nervous. i'm really nervous right now. >> hello, pretty lady. >> hi. how you doing? >> okay. >> hey, sweetheart. >> i miss you. >> i know, i know. don't kiss in the mike.

>> i missed you. you look cute. >> thank you. >> so what are you doing? >> i know. i know. >> so great to touch you. >> for a second i thought -- you was dead. >> okay. >> it's almost -- >> what about this one? >> that one's almost gone. that's the only one that hurts, though. >> perfectly fine now. i'll tell you that. >> i miss you i. miss you, too. >> hmm. >> let's walk. hmm.

>> ooh, that hurt. will you marry me? >> yes, i will. >> i know you will. i want to kiss you, too. >> guard, can we kiss? yes, no? >> hey, guys -- >> stay off the streets. >> all right. i love you. >> i love you, too. god bless. >> i love you. >> you, too, baby. >> was it hard to see him? >> yeah. yeah, it is. >> it was a beautiful visit. still can't get the smile off my face. >> are you waiting for him? >> yes, i am waiting for him. yes, i'll be happy to. coming up -- >> i feel like cookie monster.

>> it's a happy day for ja-norris, but a heartbreaking one for krystal. . see if we can "stitch" together a better deal. that's a hint, antoine. ooh! see what anandra did? booking your flight and hotel at the same time gets you prices hotels and airlines won't let expedia show separately. book it. major wow factor! where you book matters. expedia. this past year alone there was a 93% increase in cyber attacks. in financial transactions... on devices... in social interactions... and applications in the cloud. some companies are worried. some, not so much. thanks to a network that secures it all and knows what to keep in, and what to keep out. outsmart the threats.

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[ male announcer ] the new citi thankyou premier card gives you more ways to earn points. what's your story? citi can help you write it. jail life can be full of surprises. unfortunately, all too many of them are unpleasant ones. ja-norris hayes found that out when he was attacked by an inmate wielding a sock full of batteries. to make matters worse, he received ten days in segregation for going beyond defending himself to pummeling the other inmate. today hayes is in for a rare pleasant surprise. every once in a while jail social workers, in cooperation with a local charity, pass out small gift bags of toiletries and gift bags to the inmates. >> what did you get? snicker bar, looks like some shampoo, breakfast drink,

kool-aid, cookies and a deodorant. wow, nice package. they take care of you. they're not bad people. you don't get sweets in here. i can't wait to take a bite of my snickers. >> like all segregation inmates, hayes is handcuffed during his recreation time outside the cell. the restraint is supposed to prevent inmates from fighting, but in this case it's a hindrance to his ability to enjoy his snack. >> this is awesome. i feel like cookie monster. >> the day also brings one of the few measures in krystal

o'reilly's life, a visit with her mother and son. but this pleasure has a bittersweet side. o'reilly is currently awaiting trial for allegedly robbing two banks and could face up to ten years in prison. >> going to see him, i'm not sad. but when he's leaving, i tend to be a little sad. >> go see mommy? >> she's been here for six months. her son doesn't get to see her that often because i have to work all the time and i have custody of him. but we're on our way upstairs. >> i love her to death. she's my best friend. i do everything -- well, i don't do everything. i tell my mom everything. she's real supportive. she's really good with my son. so i love her. >> go see mommy? >> go mommy. draw picture.

>> going to draw pictures with mommy and color. >> the door open. >> the door opened, yes. here we go. >> he'll be 3 in may. my god, he's getting so big, so big. it's crazy. my nana calls him half pint because she looks just like his father, just like his father. >> who is that? >> mommy! >> wave to mommy. >> hi! >> where are you going? >> come here. >> big hug. >> hugs. i love you. crayons. you want to sit in a chair? >> it puts everything into perspective as to why i need to

do what i need to do. >> you help nana cook? do you eat spaghetti you like spaghetti. you should see what we get to eat you want to say ewe! >> he's doing things like talking good, singing, playing one, two, three, freeze. now you freeze. go. freeze, freeze. i have to take this like a blessing. the way i was living out there, i wasn't there with him anyway. i was there physically, but not emotionally. >> are you going to leave? go bye-bye. >> mommy, nana come? >> yeah, nana's coming. >> coming? >> no, mamma's not coming, baby. i love you. i love you. bye, baby. honestly, like i have to take this as a blessing. i wasn't there physically but i was not there emotionally. >> ready? >> we're going to leave. bye-bye? >> mom knee? nana? >> yes, mommy's coming.

come on. >> i love you. >> i love you. >> bye-bye, baby. come on, baby boy. ready? give mom a kiss one more time. >> i love you. >> be a good girl. >> good girl. >> i will. you be good. >> you be good for nana? okay. >> say bye-bye. >> all right. let's go. >> this is the worst part,

watching him leave, when he asks me if i'm coming. what do you say to that? and the worst part is i have no idea when it's coming. i can't say mamma will be home soon or mamma will be home tomorrow. i don't know. >> he don't understand. >> i don't want to keep doing this. i don't want to keep hurting my family, my son, myself. for what? it's not worth it. huh-uh.