tv In Coldest Blood MSNBC November 26, 2011 12:00pm-1:00pm PST
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fwloo i'm getting you on tape, okay? >> what they planned and what they were capable of was far more than we could imagine. >> we are sick psychopaths deriving pleasure out of killing other people. >> there's no doubt in my mind that they would have followed through with the bloodiest school shooting in history. >> this is not a [ bleep ] joke and i stabbed her and saw her lifeless body just disappear. >> they are the essence of evil.
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>> we have to get our act straight. >> nobody's going get away with killing my daughter. i'm going find out who did this, come hell or high water i'm going to find out who did this. >> i need an ambulance. a life cut short, killers without conscience. relentless investigators. and a murder committed committed in coldest blood. pocatello, idaho, aept september 2006. we're here in this car. the time is 9:50.
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unfortunately we have the grueling task of killing our two friends and they are right in our house just down the street. >> emergency 911. >> i need an ambulance at my house now. >> okay, what's going on? >> somebody looks dead on my floor! oh, my god. there is a dead girl on my floor. she's missing a finger. >> that call to bennett county 911 came in on sunday, september 24th, 2006. >> i get a phone call from the bannock county sheriff's dispatch that there had been a murder, and that our victim was a 16-year-old girl. we just don't get a lot of crime on this part of our county. >> it's out of the ordinary. >> for a murder to happen in this neighborhood is unheard of.
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>> idaho state police lieutenant john ganski and detective andy thomas of the bannock county sheriff's office lead the investigation. >> there's the house. we have tape across this whole area here. and then we had one point of entry to the scene. >> there's a door going into the home through the garage into a basement. immediately in the basement is a master bedroom. ♪ ♪ and then there's a stairwell going upstairs. as soon as we start going up the stairway, one of the investigators noticed a very minute small droplets of blood on the stairs.
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and we started to mark those. the trail of blood obviously leads right to cassie's body. ♪ ♪ >> cassie is cassie jo stoddard. she was only 16 years old. >> cassie. hello, cassie. >> hi. >> i'm getting you on tape, okay? exactly. >> hi. >> okay. see you. >> over here is cassie's bedroom. >> cassie's mother anna has left her daughter's room just the way it was. she hasn't touched a thing. >> i just left things as she had them.
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>> this is her artwork. >> cassie's intelligent. she knew what she wanted out of life. she talked a lot about being a lawyer. she mentioned a few times prosecuting attorney, put away the bad guys, she said. that's what she wanted to do, put away the bad guys. this is her favorite necklace that she used to wear all the time. it's pretty special. but we've got memories. that's all we can -- >> the last time anna stoddart saw her daughter was friday morning, september 22nd, 2006. cassie had planned to spend the weekend house sitting for her aunt.
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cassie's aunt came home to find her beautiful teenage niece dead on the floor. >> i was still waiting for her to walk out of that house and everything be okay. and it wasn't happening. then what started going through my head was, who did this. nobody's going to get away with killing my daughter. i'm going to find out who did this come hell or high water, i'm going to find out who did this. >> we're going to snoop over there and see if she's home alone. if she's home alone, splat, she dead. yep. people will die. all right. stay tuned. we are almost there.
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>> looking around the crime scene, the detectives could tell that whoever killed cassie came to this house for only one thing. >> they didn't take anything. there was not a robbery here. there was no forced entry here. the whole purpose of cassie being dead was the fact that she is the target. who's her killer? why did somebody want to kill her? >> we're going to go to that church over there and we're going to call a girl, a guy named cassie and matt. they're our friends but we have to make sacrifices so i feel we need to break away from normal life. i feel tonight is the night and
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i feel like i want to kill somebody. >> when we start thinking about who is responsible for killing cassie, the very first thing i want to know is who's the last person that was with her. >> the last person known to see cassie alive was her boyfriend matt beckham. he claims he had stopped by to keep cassie company as she house sat but then he left around 9:30. >> matt is very adamant that when he left cassie alone, that she was fine. they hadn't been arguing. they hadn't been fighting in any manner but everybody is still a suspect or a person of interest until we can 100% clear them. but matt beckham passes a lie detector test. he's cleared as a suspect, and instead he becomes a witness, and he tells police that he wasn't the only one at the house the night cassie was killed. >> when we interviewed matt, we
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learned of two other people that he had been there to visit that night. >> she's our friend. but you know what? we all have to make sacrifices. our first victim is going to be cassie stoddart. she's going to be alone in a big dark house out in the middle of nowhere. how perfect can you get. >> i'm horny just thinking about it. >> hell, yeah. >> one was torey adamcik and the other one was brian draper. >> coming up, investigators have two new suspects. >> of course, that the point, we were very interested in talking to torey and brian. you ready for your present? yeah.
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torey adamcik and brian draper. >> brian and torey were classmates of cassie's. so they're all at this time about between 15 and 16 years old. and they're all friends. very good friends. >> brian draper and torey adamcik were also students at pocatello high school. brian draper is a standout soccer player who also plays piano and drums. >> brian was very caring and compassionate with everyone around him. he was very intelligent. he loved his music and learning. we never had problems with brian. >> he was always good at school. held down his job. he had a full-time summer job. held it down. no problems.
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>> torey adamcik is from a tight knit family of five. >> torey has just been a blessing to our lives. he's never been in any trouble. >> and even from an early age, torey had his sights set on hollywood. >> he wanted to be a director. he wanted to direct movies. he liked the older '80s horror movies. "halloween," things like that. >> torey. torey. >> and that progressed to making little movies with his friends. torey is a wonderful child. he's fun-loving. he likes music. video games. he loves movies. he got along well. he has just been a joy and a pleasure in our lives. >> torey adamcik and brian draper, two average high school kids. neither of them has ever been in any trouble. not so much as a detention at school. >> both torey and brian are i would say upper middle class for
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this area. both very respectable homes. very respectable parents. so we're a little discouraged thinking you know, we're not on the right track. this is going to come to a dead end. real quick. >> since they were two of the last people to see cassie alive, police have questions. what, if anything, do the boys know about what happened to her? they interview both draper and adamcik at their homes and both of them tell the same story. they stayed at cassie's for about an hour and then went to see the movie "pulse." >> as soon as we found out they had gone to a movie, it became extremely important to the investigation. we have to know everything about this. >> we interviewed all the staff at movie theater and we were able to talk to a specific person that worked there that actually knew brian draper from school. and she 100% was sure that brian had not been at that movie
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theater that night. >> i didn't want to believe in any way, shape, or form that it could be these two kids. we wanted it to be this big bad rogue person that's out there that can't fit into society. and we don't know why two teenage kids would want to kill her. but why are they lying about being at a movie theater when they didn't have to? >> i didn't do it. you should know that by now. i didn't do it. i did not do it. >> they interview brian draper again. but this time, it's at police headquarters. draper says he and adamcik left cassie's after about an hour and he sticks to the story about seeing the horror movie "pulse." >> and you're absolutely unequivocally positive that you two went into "pulse." you two bought tickets for
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"pulse." >> yeah. >> okay. >> okay. >> what is the movie about? >> geez. i don't exactly know. i remember being really bored. >> instantly, red flag goes up. what 16-year-old kid that just watched a movie last night or two nights ago doesn't remember what it's about. >> i mean, you're movie buffs. these are things that you pay attention to, right? >> so many characters you can hook us up with? can you describe someone in the movie? describe what happened? what's it all about? >> well, it was -- can't really exactly explain the movie. i didn't pay attention to it. >> we've got a huge problem. they're lying about being at a movie at the same time that we think cassie's being killed. that's huge. >> so how long do you think you
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were inside that movie theater, grand total. >> we were there maybe two hours. >> two hours you were inside that movie theater and you don't remember one detail to help us out? we're trying to help you out. >> yeah, i know. that's why i want to tell you. >> geez. let me see. >> this was absolutely a turning point in the investigation. we knew that these two young men were lying to us and we knew it was up to us to continue to press forward and figure out exactly what happened that night. >> we've done our homework, okay? >> yeah. >> we've talked to a lot of people. we viewed tape, okay? and i'm here to tell you, you didn't go to the movie. >> okay. >> you were not at that movie theater. >> these are the types of situations that you don't like when it comes to a murder, of a beloved friend, you do not lie. once we realize that brian and torey could possibly actually have done this, it was a full-court press.
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>> we're here for one thing. we're here to solve what happened to cassie. >> yes. >> and we need to know if you were involved in that, and if you are, that's fine. we can deal with that. >> it's not fine. >> we can deal with that. but -- >> you guys are ridiculous i wouldn't kill my friend. why would i kill cassie? >> do you know who did? >> no, i don't know who killed cassie. >> they've caught brian draper in a lie, but lies alone don't make a murder case. they have too let draper go, but before they do, detective thomas makes brian draper a pledge. >> well, this is what my plan is. okay? i'll tell you right from the beginning, okay, i promise you, okay, look at me. if you had something to do with this, i'm going to find out. >> coming up, it's torey adamcik's turn to answer a few questions.
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16-year-old cassie jo stoddart has been stabbed to death. police first question her boyfriend, but they soon moved on to two of cassie's classmates, torey adamcik and brian draper. the two boys have been lying about what they were doing the night cassie was killed. >> we've got them lying at the about being in a movie, the movie that is being played at the same time that we think cassie is being killed. and all of the investigators involved at this point started getting chills thinking, you don't think that two of her classmates could actually kill her? >> investigators have already questioned brian draper. they knew he was lying. but since they didn't have enough to charge him with anything, they had to let him
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go. they now move on to torey adamcik. >> because of the fact that you were one of the last three people you know there and you had knowledge of her and stuff like that, it's common course we want to go and interview people and find out what you know. >> okay. >> torey says he and brian went to cassie's aunt's house expecting a small party, but nobody else showed up. >> why do you think nobody else showed up. >> we called people but never did. >> but then adamcik changes his story. he claims he and brian didn't go to the movies. >> so you never did watch a movie? >> we were scoping the neighborhood because we were planning to go through cars. >> what do you mean? >> we just walk by, push the handle and if it's open, we get in it and steal the gas money or change. >> okay. >> and what was one of the cars you came to? can you give us a description, give us a location, give us a house it was parked in front of? anything, a street light that looked weird, a tree. anything you can think of. i don't know.
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a lot of cars. >> but just like with brian draper, investigators get the feeling adamcik is lying to them. >> you can't give us like a color of a car? >> no, i got in a white one. >> a white one? let's talk about the next car that you went to. >> i don't know how you -- just blue, not dark. more to the dark side. >> okay. a little darker? >> yeah. >> we let him get to a point to where we finally approached him and said you know what? this isn't working out. >> are we going to be able to verify your fingerprints there. >> probably not. >> we know brian's lying. >> it was a. >> we know that you're lying and it's time to come forth with the truth. >> a reddish car. >> from this point on, we're going to talk about murder. >> tell us what happened. >> with what? >> out at cassie's place.
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>> we went through cars, me and brian. >> okay. we're not here to insult you or anything but we don't believe your story. and i don't believe it especially because i know it's not true. if it was a prank, if you guys were just messing around, fine. we just need to know about that prank you know that's going on. if you were just there to scare them and you guys left and something happened -- let's get that thing out of here. you know what i mean? >> uh-huh. >> did you guys go back and just pull a prank? is that what happened? >> tell us about that. help us understand a little bit about it. >> um. >> take a deep breath and do it, buddy. >> you know the truth. the truth is easy for you.
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>> just when he's on the verge i think the next thing out of torey's mouth is going to be yeah, i did it, a confession, he asked for his attorney. >> can i talk to an attorney? >> you can do that. >> at that point in time as investigators we have to stop asking him questions. >> torey adamcik is done talking to police. but by now, brian draper has come back to headquarters, and he wants to talk. >> when he arrived he was really upset. he was crying. >> not only was he crying but his mom and dad. >> quite emotional. >> when they're crying, there's a good chance they're going to tell you what happened. >> and that's exactly what brian draper does. he says he and torey adamcik went to cassie's house, hung out, watched a movie, and then left.
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but a couple of hours later, they were back. >> we parked here. >> okay. >> we went all the way over here, okay, we went here, we parked. we went inside her basement. we go upstairs. and we went in the room and she's on the couch. >> who is she? >> cassie. >> okay. >> they had preplanned some costumes that they were going to wear for this murder. old black shirts. gloves, and then they had both custom-made masks. >> what, like "halloween"? >> yeah. "halloween" masks. >> really, the best description i can give you is i felt like i was watching a movie of somebody else's life. >> okay, but you had a knife? >> yes. >> it was just complete disbelief. >> we shut this door.
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we shut it to scare her. >> this became their version of their own slasher movie. >> cassie was saying, who's there? and i was about to say hey, and then she screams loud, just really loud. >> knowing brian, as well as i do, it was an unbelievable thing to hear my son say those words. >> was she laying on the ground? >> yes, and she was in blood and i was saying i have to kill her. >> brian began to tell us that it all started out to be a prank and that he pushed most of the blame upon torey at the time, that torey had actually committed the murder and that he was just -- he was merely there. he was really not an active participant in that murder. >> we left and i said, you know, we have to tell the truth. and then he said, no way! and then he said that if i told that he would kill me.
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>> but draper offers police more than just words. he tells detectives where they had buried the masks, knives, and clothes they used in the murder. >> he described it was located in a canyon area. when he described it to us, we knew that canyon to be a place called black rock canyon. >> looks like this is the trail here. there it is. >> brian brought us to the spot you know, it was pretty obvious that something had been buried there and it was a fresh bury. we found the clothing that they wore. we locate the knives.
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we also found two masks. >> i can't even imagine the things that this poor 16-year-old girl is going through in this big dark scary farmhouse. >> also to our surprise, you know, once we unearthed the rest of the items we located a videotape. >> nowhere had anybody mentioned anything about a videotape. >> the tape was made the day cassie jo stoddart was killed and on the tape appear brian draper and torey adamcik and they're talking about murder. >> we're in september 22, 2006.
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we're skipping our fourth hour. we're writing our plan right now for tonight. it's going to be cool. >> instantly, all of us pretty much got sick thinking that you don't think these two kids actually videotaped the death of cassie. >> joe, i stabbed her in the throat and i saw her lifeless body. i mean, it went by so fast. a new belt. some nylons. and what girl wouldn't need new shoes? we talked about getting a diamond. but with all the thank you points i've been earning... ♪ ...i flew us to the rock i really had in mind. ♪ [ male announcer ] the citi thank you card. earn points you can use for travel on any airline, with no blackout dates.
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>> i'm milissa rehberger, they're demanding the u.s. vacate the air base in the southwestern part of the country. this is in response to the pack tanny officials claimed 24 of their sold combrerps ohio authorities are confirming a body found in the shallow grave friday is that of the man missing november 13th after answering a help wanted ad.
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now back to our program. police now know who stabbed cassie jo stoddart to death. it was two of her classmates, torey adamcik and brian draper, and there's even a videotape that proves it. >> when we located the videotape, we were kind of apprehensive. we had our suspicions that we might very well be seeing, you know, a homicide tape. >> the tape begins in the halls of pocatello high school. the morning of the killing. brian draper finds cassie stoddart at her locker. >> hello, cassie. >> hi. >> i'm getting you on tape,
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okay? say hi, please. >> hi. >> can't see you. wait. have you seen torey? >> huh-uh. >> supposed to be here at 7:30. and it's 8:19. he's an hour late. you don't even care, do you? okay. see you. >> it's just sickening that brian draper could sit there and videotape a girl who he knows he's going to brutally murder that night. >> the two boys set up their camera in a study hall a few hours later and talk about their plans to kill their friend, cassie jo stoddart. >> tried maybe ten times, but they've never been home alone. >> or when they have, their parents show up. >> and we were patient and now we're getting paid off because our victim is home alone. so we got our plan all worked
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out now. so i'm sorry cassie's family, but she had to be the one. we have to stick with the plan. and she's perfect. so she is going to die. >> now we're going to go over to. >> as they drive through the streets of pocatello, add dem check and draper continue planning their killing going over every detail. >> knock on the door, we'll see who's there. we'll see if the parents are home or not. if they're home alone, we will leave. and then we will come back in about ten minutes. we'll sneak in through the door because chances are, they're probably in cassie's room. so we'll sneak in the front door. we'll make a noise outside. and matt will come out and investigate. kill him. and scare the [ bleep ] out of cassie. >> sounds like fun. >> we'll stay tuned. >> on friday, september 22nd,
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draper and adamcik go to where cassie was house sitting. they hang out with cassie and her boyfriend. they leave. and turn the camera on about an hour and a half later. >> unfortunately, we have the grueling task of killing our two friends. and they are right in the house just down the street. >> we just talked to them. we were there for an hour. >> we checked out the whole house. we know there's lots of doors. there's lots of places to hide. i unlocked the back doors. that's all unlocked. >> the camera is then turned off at 9:53 p.m. it comes back on about two hours later. we just killed cassie. we just left her house. this is not a [ bleep ] joke. i stabbed her in the throat and
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i saw her lifeless body just disappeared. dude, i killed cassie. oh. that felt unreal. i mean it went by so fast. >> we've got to get our -- >> stand up. put your hands on the wall. >> torey adamcik and brian draper are charged with murder. >> put your hands on the wall. >> okay. >> as we watched the tape, we saw yet another side of torey and brian that we hadn't seen thus far in the investigation. >> murder is power. murder is freedom. good-bye. >> i believe we were seeing the true and evil side of brian and torey. as they planned out the homicide of one of their good friends. >> and it isn't just this tape that shocks police. during the investigation, they uncover disturbing writings and drawings, made by adamcik and
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draper. ♪ ♪ ♪ torey adamcik had drawn pictures of gruesome characters and he had made lists of the supplies he and draper would need to commit murder. >> it became extremely sickening. who does that, you know? how do you ever prepare for something like that. >> and coming up next, as bad as cassie stoddart's murder was, police believe adamcik and draper were planning something much worse. >> for all you fbi agents watching this, you weren't quick enough. >> brian and torey are the essence of evil. had we not caught them, there is no question in my mind there would be other bodies. >> we are going for a high death count. >> we're going for guns. we're going to end it. >> we're going to make history. we took out a heavy synthetic
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police have a videotape that shows brian draper and torey adamcik planning cassie stoddart's murder. the tape also shows the two boys talking about killing other classmates. they mentioned some of them by name. >> i heard some news about kirsten. she's going to be home alone from 6:00 to 7:00. so we're going to kill her and her friends and we're going to keep moving on and drive over to cassie's house and kill them one by [ muted ] one. hell, yeah. >> why one by one? why can't it be a slaughter house. >> two by two and three by three! >> and it seems that draper and adamcik were planning a school shooting. they had even made a list of potential victims. >> what they planned and what they were capable of was far more than we could imagine. >> and brian draper had written an 8,000-word essay called "black river."
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in "black river," draper details his plans for a massacre at pocatello high school. he had even set a date for the attack. two weeks to the day after cassie jo stoddart was killed. >> there's no doubt in my mind that they would have followed through with the bloodiest school shooting in history. >> documenting horrific crimes this way is unusual. but not unprecedented. >> and one boy with multiple gunshot wounds. >> i saw the man with the weapons inside the school. >> now there were two of them. >> yes, they were stalking around. i would assume looking for people to kill. >> in 1999, dylan klebold and eric harris gunned down 12 of their classmates at columbine high school. clinical psychologist dwayne fuselier was the fbi's lead columbine investigator. >> when i first saw the videotape that adamcik and
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draper made, i was astounded at how similar they seemed in their actions to what i had seen harris and klebold doing on their videotapes. the same themes seemed to be coming out. >> i just would yack up our kills so much. i guarantee could kill 20. >> gang, bang are bang. >> brian draper even mentions klebold and harris on the tape. >> like eric harris any dylan klebold. >> this sort of documenting eerily similar to harris and klebold's tapes, that they want to be famous for their evil deed. >> we are going to go down in history. we're going to be just like
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"scream" except real life. we're going to be murderers like ted bundy, like the hillside strangler, the zodiac killer. >> no, those people are more amateurs compared to what we're going to be. >> he's craving infamy, all four boys seem to want the excitement and exhilaration that is an extreme high for them. >> we are sick psychopaths that get pleasure of killing other people. >> that sounds good, baby. >> like with harris and klebold, they clearly recognize what they are doing is wrong, but they simply don't care about the sanctity of another human being's life. what they want to experience takes precedent. >> there should be no laws against killing people. i know it's a wrong thing but hell. hell. you restrict somebody from it, they're going to want it more. >> exactly. >> we see the lack of empathy, lack of conscience. if they had gotten away with it, i think they would have
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attempted others. ♪ ♪ >> torey adamcik and brian draper both plead not guilty even though they're seen planning the murder on tape. >> you're going to hear talk on that video that you quite frankly, don't want to hear. >> torey adamcik's lawyers claimed that torey thought the tape the two boys made was just a spoof, a prank. >> he did not take it seriously. he thought that they were making a movie with dark humor. he's compared it to the adams family. >> yeah, i guess you could call it a project here. >> he did not believe that brian was taking it seriously. >> the adamciks' lawyers want the jury to believe that brian draper was the real killer and that torey thought they were making a homemade horror movie. after all, torey had wanted to be a hollywood director.
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>> i think that part of the filming was let's make this as scary and spooky as possible and talk it up to some level. but are we actually going to do it? it? no. >> as evidence of torey adamcik's innocence, the defense shows the jury torey's homemade horror movies. >> he had an interest in movie making. there was a curiosity. there was a fantasy world. >> and brian draper's lawyers used the same defense. but with one major difference. they blamed torey for killing cassie stoddart. >> when brian draper went to cassie's house that night, his understanding was this was going to be a movie about scaring her. >> and what happened when you got home? >> but the prosecution finds one major flaw in the theory that
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this was just a spoof or a darkly humorous homemade movie. >> let the record reflect this witness has identified the defendant. >> if it was a spoof, the prosecutors say, cassie would still be alive. >> this wasn't a movie. this wasn't a joke. this wasn't a prank that they were going to pull on cassie jo stoddart. this was a planned murder and they carried it out exactly as they script it had. >> coming up, adamcik blames draper and draper blames adamcik, but what will the jury believe? [ male announcer ] what if you have potatoes? but you've got a meat and potatoes guy? pour chunky sirloin burger soup over those mashed potatoes and dinner is served. four minutes, around four bucks. campbell's chunky -- it's amazing what soup can do.
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not financially. so we switched to the bargain detergent, but i found myself using three times more than you're supposed to and the clothes still weren't as clean as with tide. so we're back to tide. they're cuter in clean clothes. thanks, honey. yeah. you suck at folding. [ laughs ] [ female announcer ] just one cap of tide plus bleach gives you more cleaning power than six caps of the bargain brand. visit facebook.com/tide to learn about special offers.
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stoddart. >> it was horrifying every day to get up and then to go into that courtroom not knowing exactly what you were going to here. >> they were just out to kill someone that night. it had to be my daughter. >> and watching cassie's family. you can barely cope with it. >> the trial was extremely difficult. i can't even tell you how difficult. i probably weighed the 90 pounds. i couldn't eat. sean was sick every day literally driving to the trial we'd have to pull over because he was sick to his stomach. i mean it was horrible. it was horrible. >> i feel like i want to kill somebody. >> but most horrible for cassie's mother anna who watches and listens to the evidence twice since the two boys were tried separately. >> we just killed cassie. we just left her house. this is not a [ bleep ] joke. i stabbed her in the throat and i saw her lifeless body just disappear. dude, i just killed cassie.
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>> anna is in court for every agonizing second as the jury watches the tape made by adamcik and draper. >> i remember dropping her off at school that morning. >> see you. >> that was half an hour after i dropped her off from school. her green shirt and her white jacket. >> has the jury reached a verdict, sir? >> yes, they have. >> is brian lee draper guilty or not guilty of murder in the first degree? first degree? guilty. is torey adamcik guilty or not guilty of murder in the first degree? guilty. >> both boys are sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. >> is this your verdict? >> yes.
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>> doesn't bring my daughter back. it doesn't bring her back, but they can't hurt nobody else. i hope they've had a long, long time to sit there in that jail cell to think about what they did and who they hurt and who they took away and who they took out of this life when she had so much going for her. i hope they had a lot of hard time to think about it. >> adamcik and draper are currently in different prisons in opposite ends of idaho. since the trial, the adamciks and drapers have moved so they could be closer to their sons. >> we are headed out to see our son at the idaho state correctional institution. this is our regular road.
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car could probably get here by itself. >> i go twice a week at least. every thursday and sunday. i don't understand how this happened. i don't understand how this happened. and there's always that question of why, why, why, why. but torey has never hurt anybody. i mean, torey is so kind-hearted. that's the first thing you hear from everybody. and i know you've seen the videotape, probably can't believe that because you don't know torey. >> so we enjoy our visits and just try to not take it for granted. >> yeah, it's important to be able to see him. and i never lose sight of the fact anna doesn't have that privilege. we know that every day.
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>> there are no visits for anna stoddart. there is only a graveyard. a headstone and memories from a life cut short. >> i used to go out almost every day for the longest time and just sit out there for hours. no mother should ever have to bury a child. too young. she had too much more to do in her life. she didn't get to finish it. and that's not fair. and this was the hardest thing i've ever had to do.
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