editor, this is not just a big deal for the country. america thinks this is a big deal. and to every politician who has been ignoring this issue, well, i'm here to tell uh-uh have to deal with that reality as much as you have to deal with how you look at yourself in the mirror every morning. that does it for us tonight. there's no prison tonight. instead it's time for a special edition of "saturday night live's weekend update." i'm steve doocy. >> happy thursday. >> well, it's been a few days but the press is still pummeling mitt romney over comments he made at a private gop fund-raiser last spring. >> comments that were secretly video taped without his permission. >> so rude. >> so wrong. >> like the woman's volleyball coach at my high school use used to say, you can't tape people without their permission.

>> i don't see what's wrong with the comments he made. >> there was nothing wrong with them. let's take a look. >> let's do it. >> so you have this 47% that don't pay taxes, and these people are never going to vote for me. and when i talk about these people who don't pay taxes, i don't mean senior citizens. all right? and i don't mean members of our armed services. and i don't mean southern whites. [ laughter ] okay? what i mean is -- and real quick -- no one is recording this, correct? [ laughter ] no? very important that no one records this. okay. good. because i'm about to say who these people are, and i would prefer not to have that on tape. [ laughter ] sorry, sir, is that a camera on the table pointing right at me? okay. great.

now, when i say "these people," i mean black people. >> i mean, what's the big deal? >> he's just telling the truth. okay? black people aren't going to vote for mitt romney. >> if i was black, i would think mitt romney was king of the hunkies. >> call me crazy, but i like seeing an honest moment from a politician. >> well, you're in luck because that's not the only video that surfaced this week. here's a cell phone video of mitt romney talking to voters at a mcdonald's. >> you know, people think i'm fancy, but i like nothing more than to end the day with one of these fine hamburger sandwiches from the good people at the mcdonald's. oh, boy, that's disgusting. how do you people eat this garbage? oh, my goodness. i'd complain to the chef, but let me guess, no habla englais. i got to get this taste out of my mouth. do you mind?

oh, my gosh, that was soda pop. uh-oh, here comes the sugar blindness. oh, no, oh, no. >> i watch that and i think, okay, he's not perfect, but he's human. >> name one human who is perfect, you know? >> why santa claus. >> santa claus isn't a real person. >> let's not have this argument again. >> these are only going to help mitt romney. here's another one. >> four seasons, please. ♪ >> you are in the cash cab. a tv game show that takes place right here in my taxicab. all you have to do is answer questions. the first question is worth $25. >> that's okay. we're not going to answer questions for a quarter. >> $25. >> right, which is a quarter of a hundred dollars. is there any other type of quarter? i don't understand. >> the question is the hotel california, you can check in but you can never --

>> trust the staff with your valuables. especially true in california, aka north mexico. and if you don't mind, could you wire my winnings to the cayman islands? we do that for tax purposes to pay less. >> that was great. that was great. >> what is wrong with that? >> there's nothing wrong with that. >> my dream is to be on "cash cab." i've spent entire weekends just taking different taxis block to block hoping to get my chance. >> these videos let me know, hey, mitt's just like me. do you sing in the shower? >> you bet. >> if i sing in the shower, i always miss a bunch of spots. >> well mitt sings just like me as we can see from this secretly taped shower ♪ ♪ oh, poor people hate having jobs ♪ ♪ the only thing the poor hate more than condoms ♪ ♪ is waking up and going to a job ♪

>> that one's tougher to spin. >> why did we put a camera in the shower. ♪ is waking up and going to a job ♪ that's a catchy song. >> we'll take a quick break. but first our fact checkers have one or two corrections from first two hours of the show. ♪ now, when we return, a home movie has surfaced of a 4-year-old barack obama asking for something called pisgetti? >> does he not know how to pronounce it? >> maybe that's how they say it in swahili. >> so stay tuned and -- live from new york it's saturday night! >> announcer: "weekend update" with seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ]

>> good evening. i'm seth meyers. here are tonight's top stories. this week a shocking video was released that appears to show mitt romney telling an audience exactly what they wanted to hear. look, it would be easy to pile on romney after that tape, but we should know by now just because mitt romney says something does not mean he believes it. if that had been a room full of fat kids, he would have told them cake is a vegetable. romney apologized for his comments though he did say they were not elegantly stated. apparently he meant to say 47% of americans are victims and have a sense of entitlement, milady. [ laughter ] after his claim that it's not his job to worry about americans who don't pay taxes, i wouldn't worry, buddy, it's looking less and less like it will be your job. [ applause ] president obama on tuesday night

attended an exclusive fund-raising event in manhattan organized by jay-z and beyonce. sounds like a good endorsement for the president because when has jay-z ever backed a loser? oh, right. [ laughter ] that time. "newsweek" magazine has created controversy with its cover story entitled "muslim rage." the controversy is they stole the cover idea from last month's issue from "cat fancy." [ laughter ] a professor at harvard says that she's discovered a fourth century fragment of papyrus that she claims is proof that jesus christ was married to mary magdalene. she claims she popularized the phrase "jesus christ, pick up your socks." an italian magazine this week became the third tabloid to publish topless pictures of princess kate, but i think i'll hold out for the commemorative plate.

this past weekend a couple was caught on video having sex at a yankee stadium bathroom and no red sox fans, it wasn't these two. we'll be right back with more "weekend update thursday" after this commercial break. i didn't think it was anything. i had pain in my abdomen... it just wouldn't go away. i was spotting, but i had already gone through menopause. these symptoms may be nothing... but they could be early warning signs of a gynecologic cancer,

such as cervical, ovarian, or uterine cancer. feeling bloated for no reason. that's what i remember. seeing my doctor probably saved my life. warning signs are not the same for everyone. if you think something's wrong... see your doctor. ask about gynecologic cancer. and get the inside knowledge.

as we enter the final 40 days of the campaign, many wonder what surprises are laying ahead for both candidates. here is the ragin' cajun himself, james carville. >> all right. >> all right. it's great to see you again, james. >> that's nice of you to say. i'm told i resemble a fist. >> so james, we're in the home stretch of the election. are you enjoying it so far? >> no, i'm not.

because this election is bore. i mean, look at the republican convention. i mean, this was the one time we could have gotten to know these mayonnaise eaters and we didn't learn a thing. all we learned is that republicans have parents and hardships. everyone has parents and hardships. my daddy was a blind preacher and my mama was a water moccasin. we had it rough. i mean, i worked three jobs in high school and two of them were grave digger. >> oh, no. >> in fact, that's how i lost my virginity. go on, laugh at the weirdo, laugh at the weirdo. all right. but that's still not a reason that you should vote for me. >> was there anything that you learned during the convention like paul ryan you found interesting? >> paul ryan is great if you like mitt romney but you think he's too cool and relatable. the first time i saw paul ryan, i thought young mitt romney had traveled through time to

confront his older self. and paul ryan might be a looper like that movie "looper" with gordon gordon lewis. >> you think you mean gordon levitt. so james, romney had to answer the comments he made about a so called 47% of americans that he isn't worried about pleasing. >> mitt romney is a millionaire, and i think he shouldn't hide that from anyone any more. he's out there putting on chinos and going to barbecues. just act rich. wear a big top hat and a cape and pace around in front of a giant globe cackling and doing this with his hands. ha ha ha. ohh. >> that would be more fun. >> what about the democrats? bill clinton's speech brought a lot of excitement to the convention. did you watch it? >> did i watch bill clinton? i always watch him in case he gives me the signal.

when he pulls his ear twice and says magnolia, that means i'm supposed to kill george stephanopoulos. his speech was a fun time so was barack's. in term of fun democrats will always win. but i don't want them to turn out like my twin sister at the beauty pageant, all laughs and no votes. >> you have a twin sister? >> jemima carville. >> what does she do? >> she waits by the phone. that's sad. then call her. >> no, i don't want to. given everything that's happened, do you feel confident obama will win? >> i hope so, if i have to, i'll vote for him twice. once walking forward and once walking backward. >> james carville, everybody, the ragin' cajun. a new device is being sold called the poppenater which is a voice activated popcorn machine that launches a single piece of popcorn into the user's mouth. the device is activated by the phrase "i'm so lonely."

according to reports robert pattinson has forgiven kristin stewart for her affair and has gotten back together with her. stewart's friends say she's absolutely slouching with joy. lindsay lohan on wednesday was arrested for hitting a pedestrian with her car and not stopping. good for her. it's been a while since she's had a hit. a new bar has opened in brooklyn that also offers yoga classes because who doesn't walk into a bar and immediately think, man, i want to get down on this floor! a driver in norway crashed his car after he swerved to avoid a moose and instead hit a bear. from now on he's just going to to skip that short-cut through the zoo. we'll be right back with more "weekend update thursday." you loved the republican and democratic national conventions,

the speeches, the wait, the pageant, but now that they're over, you want to relive the most glorious moments of all. introducing convention cutaways, featuring the very best from both conventions like woman who's sobbing before anyone started speaking. and the guy who is dancing to no music whatsoever. and relive the majesty of woman who's just walking around. and guy who brought props that only make sense to him. stunning cutaways of true patriots shaping history like guy who is pretending he wasn't just asleep. with way too much arm flab. and guy who didn't know there would be balloons. you'll enjoy hours and hours of inspired cutaways like middle eastern they keep cutting to whenever somebody mentions hispanic. the straight guy they flash to whenever they mention gay marriage. because children are our future,

we also feature kid cutaways featuring kid who is supercute and kid who is not so cute. guy who's had just the tip of his penis out this whole time. and, of course, joe biden. convention cutaway, order today so we know if we should start making them. chase scene netflix coming soon extra butter tickets swoon penguin journey

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welcome back. summer is officially over. here with a recap of his family vacation this summer, it's drunk uncle.

school's out ♪ for summer ♪ but reverse it >> drunk uncle, how was your summer? >> more like how is your boner? >> come on, drunk uncle. what's there not to like about summer? >> kids today, they don't even have summer jobs any more. when i was a kid, i was pizza poor on a newspaper. now it's i'm trending, i'm trending, i'm trending. let's get limpged in at the genius bar. you're not a genius. you're in a t-shirt. >> did you get to travel anywhere? >> people need to dress up when they fly, seth. what happened to that?

you know? when i was a kid, it was illegal to drive a car without a tie on. and now it's just are these peanuts free range? is my tray table done downloading? because my e-nook needs more leg room. your seat can be used as a flotation device. it can also be used as a seat. you want to know what my carry-on baggage is? korea. >> oh, okay. drunk uncle. >> everyone is walking around with blue teeth. all these girls in their bikinis showing off their instagrams all over. if i want to see your breasts, i'll marry you. speaking of which, you want to see the impression of my wife on vacation?

>> sure. >> ahhh. ahhh. that's all. >> that's not flattering. >> she is a dummy. >> it does sound like you got to spend some time with your family. >> yeah, my nephew's dead. he's just a jerk. he wants a iphone 5. more like i phone time warner and get someone from india. i know your name is not kevin. ♪ like a good neighbor state farm is there ♪ state farm was like my neighbor, he'd steal my mail and yell at me in jewish. >> all right, drunk uncle. >> tweet tweet, tweet tweet,

tweet tweet. whatever. i wasn't voted most likely to succeed. okay? so i wasn't like the captain of the yearbook. okay? spaceman, spaceship. so i'm not a kfc fighter, okay? that's not me. there's a dark knight rising all right, seth. mexico. >> drunk uncle. >> four more beers, four more beers! like the political thing. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> you know what? why don't people croon any more, seth? >> croon? >> you know, what happened to all the crooners? you know, you used to have frank sinatra.

now all we got is nicki minaj. that girl has like 13 -- >> i think you're too drunk. >> it's my money and i need it now! i woke myself up on that one. hey, seth? >> yeah. >> all right. guess what i got. >> my nose. >> guess what i got? >> you got my nose. >> no, i got your job. that was my impression of an immigrant. >> drunk uncle, everyone. many are calling for the nfl to end the league's three-month lockout of referees after this past weekend's games in which replacement refs marred the games with numerous bad calls. though in fairness a lot of that stuff isn't covered in the training program at foot locker. this monday was the jewish holiday of rosh hashanah which is the start of the jewish new year. it's just like the regular new year except it's harder to see

through the glasses. actor rupert everett, who is gay, created controversy this week when he said he can't think of anything worse than being brought up by two gay dads. i can, said an orphan. celebrity chef guy fieri has released a new cookbook co-written with the lead singer of smashmouth. 150 easy meals to find a hair in. mcdonald's in austria will begin serving mcnoodles which are pasta dishes which come with vegetables and chicken. they go perfectly with mcdonald's austrian famous unhappy meals. a woman in ohio has built what she claims the world's largest yo-yo which is 15 feet wide and weighs over 7,000 pounds but what others claim is just a piece of string tied to a trailer home.

we'll be right back with we'll be right back with more "weekend update thursday."

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see you back here on saturday for our next live show with host joseph gordon levitt and musical guest mumford and sons and join us next week for another weekend update thursday. now "up all night" with maya rudolph. i'm seth myers, good night. in america today we're running out of a vital resource we need

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you're watching fox and friends. i'm steve doocy. >> happy thursday. >> well, it's been a few days but the press is still pummeling mitt romney over comments he made at a private gop fund-raiser last spring. >> comments that were secretly video taped without his permission. >> so rude. >> so wrong. >> like the woman's volleyball coach at my high school use used to say, you can't tape people without their permission.

>> i don't see what's wrong with the comments he made. >> there was nothing wrong with them. let's take a look. >> let's do it. >> so you have this 47% that don't pay taxes, and these people are never going to vote for me. and when i talk about these people who don't pay taxes, i don't mean senior citizens. all right? and i don't mean members of our armed services. and i don't mean southern whites. okay? what i mean is -- and real quick -- no one is recording this, correct? no? very important that no one records this. okay. good. because i'm about to say who these people are, and i would prefer not to have that on tape. sorry, sir, is that a camera on the table pointing right at me? okay. great.

now, when i say "these people," i mean black people. >> i mean, what's the big deal? >> he's just telling the truth. okay? black people aren't going to vote for mitt romney. >> if i was black, i would think mitt romney was king of the honkies. >> call me crazy, but i like seeing an honest moment from a politician. >> well, you're in luck because that's not the only video that surfaced this week. here's a cell phone video of mitt romney talking to voters at a mcdonald's. >> you know, people think i'm fancy, but i like nothing more than to end the day with one of these fine hamburger sandwiches from the good people at the mcdonald's. oh, boy, that's disgusting. how do you people eat this garbage? oh, my goodness.

i'd complain to the chef, but let me guess, no habla ingles. i got to get this taste out of my mouth. do you mind? oh, my gosh, that was soda pop. uh-oh, here comes the sugar blindness. oh, no, oh, no. >> i watch that and i think, okay, he's not perfect, but he's human. >> name one human who is perfect, you know? >> why santa claus. >> santa claus isn't a real person. >> let's not have this argument again. >> these are only going to help mitt romney. here's another one. >> four seasons, please. ♪ >> you are in the cash cab. a tv game show that takes place right here in my taxicab. all you have to do is answer questions. the first question is worth $25. >> that's okay. we're not going to answer questions for a quarter. >> $25. >> right, which is a quarter of a hundred dollars. is there any other type of quarter? i don't understand. >> the question is the hotel california, you can check in but

you can never -- >> trust the staff with your valuables. especially true in california, aka north mexico. and if you don't mind, could you wire my winnings to the cayman islands? we do that for tax purposes to pay less. >> that was great. that was great. >> what is wrong with that? >> there's nothing wrong with that. >> my dream is to be on "cash cab." i've spent entire weekends just taking different taxis block to block hoping to get my chance. >> these videos let me know, hey, mitt's just like me. do you sing in the shower? >> you bet. >> if i sing in the shower, i always miss a bunch of spots. >> well mitt sings just like me as we can see from this secretly taped shower ♪ ♪ oh, poor people hate having jobs ♪ ♪ the only thing the poor hate more than condoms ♪ ♪ is waking up and going to a job ♪

>> that one's tougher to spin. >> why did we put a camera in the shower. ♪ is waking up and going to a job ♪ that's a catchy song. >> we'll take a quick break. but first our fact checkers have one or two corrections from first two hours of the show. ♪ now, when we return, a home movie has surfaced of a 4-year-old barack obama asking for something called pisgetti? >> does he not know how to pronounce it? >> maybe that's how they say it in swahili. >> so stay tuned and -- live from new york it's saturday night! >> announcer: "weekend update" with seth meyers.

[ cheers and applause ] >> good evening. i'm seth meyers. here are tonight's top stories. this week a shocking video was released that appears to show mitt romney telling an audience exactly what they wanted to hear. look, it would be easy to pile on romney after that tape, but we should know by now just because mitt romney says something does not mean he believes it. if that had been a room full of fat kids, he would have told them cake is a vegetable. romney apologized for his comments though he did say they were not elegantly stated. apparently he meant to say 47% of americans are victims and have a sense of entitlement, milady. as for his claim that it's not his job to worry about americans who don't pay taxes, i wouldn't worry, buddy, it's looking less and less like it will be your job. president obama on tuesday night

attended an exclusive fund-raising event in manhattan organized by jay-z and beyonce. sounds like a good endorsement for the president because when has jay-z ever backed a loser? oh, right. that time. "newsweek" magazine has created controversy with its cover story entitled "muslim rage." the controversy is they stole the cover idea from last month's issue from "cat fancy." a professor at harvard says that she's discovered a fourth century fragment of papyrus that she claims is proof that jesus christ was married to mary magdalene. she claims she popularized the phrase "jesus christ, pick up your socks." an italian magazine this week became the third tabloid to publish topless pictures of princess kate, but i think i'll hold out for the commemorative plate.

this past weekend a couple was caught on video having sex at a yankee stadium bathroom and no red sox fans, it wasn't these two. we'll be right back with more "weekend update thursday" after this commercial break. ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] introducing a reason...to look twice. introducing a stunning work of technology -- the entirely new lexus es. and the first-ever es hybrid. this is the pursuit of perfection. and the first-ever es hybrid. if we want to improve our schools... ...what should we invest in? maybe new buildings? what about updated equipment?

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but they could be early warning signs of a gynecologic cancer, such as cervical, ovarian, or uterine cancer. feeling bloated for no reason. that's what i remember. seeing my doctor probably saved my life. warning signs are not the same for everyone. if you think something's wrong... see your doctor. ask about gynecologic cancer. and get the inside knowledge. weekend update thursday. as we enter the final 40 days of the campaign, many wonder what surprises are laying ahead for both candidates. here is the ragin' cajun himself, james carville. >> all right. >> all right. it's great to see you again, james. >> that's nice of you to say. i'm told i resemble a fist. >> so james, we're in the home stretch of the election. are you enjoying it so far? >> no, i'm not.

because this election is bore. i mean, look at the republican convention. i mean, this was the one time we could have gotten to know these mayonnaise eaters and we didn't learn a thing. all we learned is that republicans have parents and hardships. everyone has parents and hardships. my daddy was a blind preacher and my mama was a water moccasin. we had it rough. i mean, i worked three jobs in high school and two of them were grave digger. >> oh, no. >> in fact, that's how i lost my virginity. go on, laugh at the weirdo, laugh at the weirdo. all right. but that's still not a reason that you should vote for me. >> was there anything that you learned during the convention like paul ryan you found interesting? >> paul ryan is great if you like mitt romney but you think he's too cool and relatable. the first time i saw paul ryan, i thought young mitt romney had

traveled through time to confront his older self. and paul ryan might be a looper like that movie "looper" with gordon gordon lewis. >> you think you mean gordon levitt. so james, romney had to answer the comments he made about a so called 47% of americans that he isn't worried about pleasing. >> mitt romney is a millionaire, and i think he shouldn't hide that from anyone any more. he's out there putting on chinos and going to barbecues. just act rich. wear a big top hat and a cape and pace around in front of a giant globe cackling and doing this with his hands. ha ha ha. ohh. >> that would be more fun. >> what about the democrats? bill clinton's speech brought a lot of excitement to the convention. did you watch it? >> did i watch bill clinton? i always watch him in case he gives me the signal.

when he pulls his ear twice and says magnolia, that means i'm supposed to kill george stephanopoulos. his speech was a fun time so was barack's. in term of fun democrats will always win. but i don't want them to turn out like my twin sister at the beauty pageant, all laughs and no votes. >> you have a twin sister? >> jemima carville. >> what does she do? >> she waits by the phone. that's sad. boo hoo. then call her. >> no, i don't want to. given everything that's happened, do you feel confident obama will win? >> i hope so, if i have to, i'll vote for him twice. once walking forward and once walking backward. >> james carville, everybody, the ragin' cajun. a new device is being sold called the poppenater which is a voice activated popcorn machine that launches a single piece of popcorn into the user's mouth. the device is activated by the

phrase "i'm so lonely." according to reports robert pattinson has forgiven kristin stewart for her affair and has gotten back together with her. stewart's friends say she's absolutely slouching with joy. lindsay lohan on wednesday was arrested for hitting a pedestrian with her car and not stopping. good for her. it's been a while since she's had a hit. a new bar has opened in brooklyn that also offers yoga classes because who doesn't walk into a bar and immediately think, man, i want to get down on this floor! a driver in norway crashed his car after he swerved to avoid a moose and instead hit a bear. from now on he's just going to skip that shortcut through the zoo. we'll be right back with more "weekend update thursday." you loved the republican and democratic national conventions,

the speeches, the wait, the pageant, but now that they're over, you want to relive the most glorious moments of all. introducing convention cutaways, featuring the very best from both conventions like woman who's sobbing before anyone started speaking. and the guy who is dancing to no music whatsoever. and relive the majesty of woman who's just walking around. and guy who brought props that only make sense to him. stunning cutaways of true patriots shaping history like guy who is pretending he wasn't just asleep. with way too much arm flab. and guy who didn't know there would be balloons. you'll enjoy hours and hours of inspired cutaways like middle eastern they keep cutting to whenever somebody mentions hispanic. the straight guy they flash to whenever they mention gay marriage. because children are our future,

we also feature kid cutaways featuring kid who is supercute and kid who is not so cute. guy who's had just the tip of his penis out this whole time. and, of course, joe biden. convention cutaway, order today so we know if we should start making them. now we need a little bit more... a little bit more vanilla? this is great! [ male announcer ] at humana, we believe there's never been a better time to share your passions... because the results... are you having fun doing this? yeah. that's a very nice cake! [ male announcer ] well, you can't beat them. [ giggles ] ohh! you got something huh? whoa... [ male announcer ] humana understands the value of spending time together that's a lot of work getting that one in! let's go see the birdies. [ male announcer ] one on one, sharing what you know. let's do it grandpa. that's why humana agents will sit down with you,

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welcome back. summer is officially over. here with a recap of his family vacation this summer, it's drunk uncle.

♪ school's out ♪ ♪ for summer ♪ but reverse it >> drunk uncle, how was your summer? >> more like how is your boner? >> come on, drunk uncle. what's there not to like about summer? >> kids tonight, they don't even have summer jobs any more. when i was a kid, i was pizza poor on a newspaper. now it's i'm trending, i'm trending, i'm trending. let's get linked in at the genius bar. you're not a genius. you're in a t-shirt. >> did you get to travel anywhere? >> people need to dress up when they fly, seth.

when i was a kid, it was illegal to drive a car without a tie on. and now it's just are these peanuts free range? is my tray table done downloading? because my e-nook needs more leg room. your seat can be used as a flotation device. it can also be used as a seat. you want to know what my carry-on baggage is? korea. >> oh, okay. drunk uncle. >> everyone is walking around with blue teeth. all these girls in their bikini s showing off their instagrams all over. if i want to see your breasts, i'll marry you. speaking of which, you want to see the impression of my wife on vacation?

>> sure. >> ahhh. ahhh. that's all. >> that's not flattering. >> she's a dummy. >> drunk uncle, it does sound like you got to spend some time with your family. >> yeah, my nephew's dead. >> what? >> not actually. he's just a jerk. he wants a iphone 5. more like i phone time warner and get someone from india. i know your name is not kevin. ♪ like a good neighbor state farm is there ♪ state farm was like my neighbor, he'd steal my mail and yell at me in jewish. >> all right, drunk uncle. >> tweet tweet, tweet tweet,

tweet tweet. whatever. i wasn't voted most likely to succeed. so i wasn't like the captain of the yearbook. spaceman, spaceship. so i'm not a kfc fighter, okay? that's not me. there's a dark knight rising all right, seth. mexico. >> drunk uncle. >> four more beers, four more beers! like the political thing. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. good tie-in. >> you know what? why don't people croon any more, seth? >> croon? >> you know, what happened to all the crooners? you know, you used to have frank sinatra.

now all we got is nicki minaj. that girl has like 13 -- >> i think you're too drunk. >> it's my money and i need it now! i woke myself up on that one. hey, seth? >> yeah. >> all right. guess what i got. >> my nose. >> guess what i got? >> you got my nose. >> no, i got your job. that was my impression of an immigrant. >> drunk uncle, everyone. many are calling for the nfl to end the league's three-month lockout of referees after this past weekend's games in which replacement refs marred the games with numerous bad calls. though in fairness a lot of that stuff isn't covered in the training program at foot locker. this monday was the jewish holiday of rosh hashanah which is the start of the jewish new year. it's just like the regular new year except it's harder to see

through the glasses. actor rupert everett, who is gay, created controversy this week when he said he can't think of anything worse than being brought up by two gay dads. i can, said an orphan. celebrity chef guy fieri has released a new cookbook co-written with the lead singer of smashmouth. 150 easy meals to find a hair in. mcdonald's in austria will begin serving mcnoodles which are pasta dishes which come with vegetables and chicken. they go perfectly with mcdonald's austrian famous unhappy meals. a woman in ohio has built what she claims the world's largest yo-yo which is 15 feet wide and weighs over 7,000 pounds but what others claim is just a piece of string tied to a trailer home.

we'll be right back with more "weekend update thursday." ♪ keys, keys, keys, keys, keys. ♪ well, he's not very handsome ♪ to look at [ sighs ] ♪ oh, he's shaggy ♪ and he eats like a hog [ male announcer ] the volkswagen jetta. available with advanced keyless technology. control everything from your pocket, purse, or wherever. that's the power of german engineering. ♪ that dirty, old egg-suckin' dog ♪ made gluten-free cereals in a bunch of yummy flavors. like cinnamon chex, honey nut chex, and chocolate chex... we're in cereal heaven. so thanks. from the mcgregors, 'cause we love chex. stay top of mind with customers? from deals that bring them in with an offer...

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and over 150 years of experience to help you get there. ♪ see you back here on saturday for our next live show with host joseph gordon levitt and musical guest mumford and sons and join us next week for another weekend update thursday. now "up all night" with maya rudolph. i'm seth myers, good night.

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