due to mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised. >> did you just trip over something? >> i don't remember, man. >> you don't remember. somebody help you fall? >> prison staff suspect an inmate is covering up his own brutal beating. >> i don't like using the same broom that everybody else uses.

because then i'm just bringing their funk in my cell. >> two cell mates share deeply disturbing charges. >> i was younger, i was a very, very bad person. something was broken. >> i ended up buying a chain saw and cutting her corpse into about 15 different pieces. one victim's mother still lives the nightmare. >> i go by the dumpster and i wonder if that is one of my daughter's last resting places. ♪ lockup lock up everybody locked up ♪ plucked from death row an inmate tries to make a difference. ♪ amazing grace >> at the end of the day life is about choices. all of this stuff is an illusion. ♪ like me

indiana's wabash valley correctional facility houses nearly 2,200 inmates. more than one-third of them are doing time for serious violent crimes. unless isolated in solitary confinement, the vast majority of inmates live in two-man cells. pairings are critical and avoiding a volatile mix of cell mates is a constant challenge. >> we try to not put people that's doing life with people that are going home next year or blacks with whites or white supremacists where they're with someone with a child molestation case just to resolve the conflict before it happens. >> but even with careful

screening, conflicts can still arise between cell mates. >> there is a guy in the infirmary with several injuries to his facial and head area. at this point he is saying he had a seizure. so we're going to go over and talk to him. we will try to talk to him. he may have been assaulted with a hot pot. we're going to talk to him and see if he is willing to talk at all. >> the victim is curtis cash who is serving a 29-year sentence for burglary. >> cash? >> yeah. >> what's up with you, man? >> you can stay laid down if you want to? what happened? >> fell. >> where? >> in my cell. >> that's a pretty nationality fall. did you get dizzy? >> i don't remember. >> have you fell like this before? >> no. >> first time. >> yeah. >> do you have a medical condition that would make you fall? >> no. >> you just tripped over something? >> i don't remember. >> somebody help you fall? >> no. >> no?

is it safe to assume that probably something more than you falling happened that you just don't want to talk about? >> i don't -- >> who do you live with? >> woods. >> woods? >> what's his first name? >> i don't know >> how long did you guys live together? >> probably eight months. >> eight months. and you think you are safe going right back to the same cell you were in? >> yeah. >> you don't think you'll fall again? >> no. >> so you think for whatever reason you fell for this time is over with and you won't fall more? >> should be. >> you understand where i'm coming from. >> yeah. >> we have to protect you. >> i fell. >> you don't want to talk about what happened then? >> trying to get medical attention. >> i will get you nixed up. they have done some x-rays, right? >> he reported that he had fallen in his cell which is

typical in prison instead of snitching on anybody they say they fell or had a seizure or hit their head while playing baseball. it looks like his jaw is broken or his orbital is fractured. staff think that something was done with a hot pot. there was a hot pot that was broken side the cell that was broke. the cell mate is in cuffs. we'll talk to him to see what he has to say. >> the cell mate is dana woods serving 70 years for aggravated battery and criminal confine many. >> there was an incident in the cell a while ago. >> the man fell. >> pretty substantial injuries for just falling? >> well, i'm sure the man has epileptic seizures. >> there was a lot of blood in the cell. >> right. he had a good gash on his head. >> how did the hot pot get broke? >> the hot pot? >> uh-huh, that was in your cell. >> it broke because we were fixing the hot pot before and it had been in the trash the whole time.

>> i can tell you i have been here 15 years and ain't nobody had a fall that looked like that. >> he fell on the bed. >> i'm not going to tell you what he told me just like i wouldn't tell anybody else what you told me if you were beat up. that kind of puts people's lives in danger. i haven't done that once and i'm not going to start doing that now. he might have told me he fell and might have said you beat the [ bleep ] out of him. >> he can tell you [ bleep ]. that didn't happen. >> you are running around here assaulting people and i'm convinced you did this. it's not a simple fall, but you're not going to man up and tell me what happened, why it happened. >> i did nothing but push him. the man sprayed blood all over the place. >> that's not the truth at all and we both know it. so -- i'll -- i'll make different housing arrangements for you if you don't want to tell me what was going on. he's maintaining the story that

nothing happened, that he didn't do anything. the guy fell. so at this point, you know, we'll go in and we'll go look at the cell and see what it looks like. >> while violence between cell mates is always a possibility in prison for phillip stroud and curtis, living together has had the opposite effect. >> is that that diabetic peanut butter? >> it has no taste to it. >> put the cookie on the peanut butter. >> i have to get rid of this stomach. >> dear heavenly father, lord, we thank you for this meal. ah, old curt. curt is a good brother, man. he's a gentle giant. he brought a lot of balance into my life. we have been cellies for almost two years. >> stroud never imagined he'd have a cell mate. he used to be housed on indiana's death row living alone

in a cell awaiting execution. >> i'm in prison for three counts of murder, three counts of robbery and two counts of dealing in cocaine. i spent three years on death row. went on a robbery. a half a million dollar score. it was a residence, a safe. three people -- three innocent people end up losing their life when they didn't have to. they didn't deserve to. >> stroud's victims were contractors working at the home stroud and his accomplices robbed. stroud ordered the men tied up then shot each in the head with a pistol.

>> when i first walked on death row, the thing that hit me first was the silence, the absolute silence. walking on there was like the type of silence that takes you in, the type of silence that's listening to you, watching your every move to see how you're going to respond to it. i came on the unit 23 years old, trying to project courage, confidence and strength, but on the inside, i was upset. i was confused, and i was afraid. the thing i remember the most was the cold concrete floor underneath my bare feet. and it just sitting on the edge of that bunk, man, and i just broke down and started crying and crying for all the people

that i hurt, crying for justice, crying for my mother. you know what i mean, and during those three years, seven men, you know, were executed. they lost their lives. >> a change in indiana's capital punishment laws saved stroud from joining them. his sentence was commuted to three life terms without the possibility of parole. but stroud's salvation did not immediately make him a better inmate. >> i was the thug of them all. i was a chief among all sinners. i was the bullies' bully. i could make things move how i wanted to make them move. you know what i mean? that was just a gift that i had. >> that all changed when he found himself sharing a cell with mcgrown who is serving 40 years for armed robbery and criminal confinement. >> when i first came over, he was kind of real rough around the edges. me being a mellow type guy.

i'm low key and god came through me to help straighten him out a little bit. >> starting to thin out on the top. >> that's my sunroof. >> your convertible. >> bald head brothers is in. women like bald-headed dudes. >> he's changed a whole lot. i'm proud that god used me to work with him after his reputation around the prison and on the street. >> i'm just thankful that i can be used and i got a brother like this that brought so much balance to my life. >> just as he credits mcgrown with helping him become a better man, stroud says he is determined to pay it forward. he tutors other inmates like tito austin, who is trying to earn his ged. >> what is the answer? >> the front. >> no. the opposite of left is -- >> i'm tripping. >> don't get pissed now.

>> we just here trying to offer critical thinking skills, conflict resolution, ways to settle disputes without using violence. just use the platform and the credibility we have from our past lives to effect positive change on these youngsters' lives in here and on the streets. you're doing good, man. you catch on quick, man. for real, for real. coming up two cell mates with two unthinkable crimes. and later -- >> what have you seen so far? >> prison surveillance footage provides a new view as investigators try to figure out what happened to curtis cash and whether his cellmate should bear the blame. i'll take it. [ male announcer ] it's chevy truck month. now during chevy truck month, get 0% apr financing for 60 months or trade up to get the 2012 chevy silverado all-star edition

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at indiana's wabash valley correctional facility most of the inmates live in two-man

cells, and like any two people sharing close quarters, cleanliness is vital. >> why are you sweeping with your hands? >> i don't like using the broom that everybody else uses because then i'm just bringing their funk in my cell. >> when do you think we're doing spring cleaning? >> well, it's not going to be today because i'm already cleaning the floor. >> i was just asking. >> i will make time for it this weekend. >> do it sunday. just plan on sunday. >> cell mates for a year joshua and dustin might have different priorities, but they share the stigma of have iing separately committed unthinkable crimes. >> from day one i've known that the things that i've done even among criminals was way, way off

the -- you know, the end of the deep end. when i was younger, i was a very, very bad person. something was broken. and i just -- i didn't think like other kids my age did. >> trowbridge was 14 years old the day he committed the heinous crimes that brought him to prison. he was high on inhalents and his victim was a 69-year-old female neighbor working in the backyard of her trailer home. >> i see that her front door is open and me being the person that i was, that clicked. okay. go get some money. and that was my intent when i went up in there. and she came in, and she

actually scared me when she came in because i didn't know that she came in, and i attacked her and i sexually assaulted her and i killed her, and i robbed her, and i left. and the poor woman didn't stand a chance. >> prosecutors determined that trowbridge not only strangled his victim but sexually assaulted her after her death. he was sentenced to 77 years for robbery, murder and abuse of a corpse. he has already served 15 and with good behavior could be out of prison by age 50. he currently lives in wabash's protective custody unit which houses inmates whose

lives could be at risk in general population due to the nature of their crimes. trowbridge's cell mate shares the same unusual pairing of convictions, murder and abuse of a corpse. he is serving 68 years. the victim was his ex-girlfriend, heather norris. >> it was a toxic relationship. it was love/hate, and i still very much love her. >> throughout the couple's three-year relationship, heather had told her family that bean was physically abuse iive and even though he faced a trial on domestic abuse charges at the time of heather's murder, he says he wasn't abusive. >> the whole thing was predicated on a lie and the lie is that we had a violent relationship. i'm not saying i'm without

fault. but as far as what happened with her death, worst case, voluntary manslaughter and best case, self-defense. >> bean insists they had an argument and that heather came at him with a knife. >> i tried to pry the knife out of her hand, and even still after i had the knife, she continued to come forward. that caught me off guard. and in the heat of the moment, i reacted. i stabbed her in the side right here. >> but according to court records, bean had confessed to a friend that he stabbed heather several times and slit her throat. no one knows for sure because her body was never recovered. >> i decided to try to do something with the body. i thought, well, cremation. but at the time i didn't know the specifics behind it.

so i made an attempt to burn her body. a botched attempt. i ended up buying a chain saw. that's what people can't get past. is what happened after. >> coming up, the mother of josh bean's victim speaks out. >> i go by a dumpster, and i wonder if that is one of my daughter's last resting places. >> but first. >> looks like he probably tried to clean the blood up before the staff arrived. there is blood on the bedding and some of the back window. >> investigator littlejohn tries to determine if one cell is an accident scene or a crime scene and -- saved from death row phillip stroud leads the choir. ♪ ♪

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at indiana's wabash valley correctional facility, the m house cell block has been put on lockdown limited movements of all inmates until investigators can determine the cause of cash's severe facial injuries. cash and his cell mate claim cash simply fell. but frank littlejohn suspects a coverup. >> the suspect probably told the victim, you know, you better not tell me. tell them you fell and this is typically what happens in these injuries. >> littlejohn suspects that woods might have used the hot pot to assault his cell mate. >> and this was what was retrieved out of the cell. >> it was right next to the door and the compound was down in the trash. >> littlejohn's next step is to investigate the cell itself. >> it looks like obviously you can see probably a little blood here. looks like he probably tried to

clean the blood pressure up before the staff arrived. there is blood on the bedding and some on the back window. so it was probably a little bit of a struggle. it looks like he packed his property. that is typical. they pack their stuff up so the officers don't get things mixed up or whatever. so he's ready to go to segregation. he knew he would be going. >> littlejohn also checks the surveillance footage. while there is no coverage inside the cell, he wants to rule out the possibility of another assay lent entering the cell. >> what have you seen so far? >> absolutely nothing. nobody goes up or comes out. they didn't go out for breakfast or lunch. >> nobody has been in or out between breakfast or lunch. >> you see the officers are at the cell. this is offender cash. he is the offender with the injuries. this is the cell mate coming out.

>> the video doesn't show an assault taking place. it shows that nobody entered or exited the cell other than the two and they didn't come out for breakfast, they didn't come out for lunch. >> woods was taken to the custody control unit, a high-security cell block where he will be locked into a single person cell 23 hours a day pending the results of the investigation. >> go ahead and strip down. socks and everything. everything. and put that on. >> they put us in a room. they don't give us no manual to teach us how to live in a box with another man. it's really hard. it's really hard, man. especially when they have a seizure, any time they hurt t m themselves you get blamed for it. >> coming up, joshua bean faces new troubles following a shakedown.

>> right? you are presenting positive for methamphetamine. >> and later his victim's mother talks about the brutality of her daughter's murder. >> i have nightmares of heather's last moments were calling out for me to help her.

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hey, there, i'm veronica de la cruz. here's what's happening. mitt romney will campaign in colorado after holding fund raisers on saturday in los angeles. president obama spoke at a rally saying change takes more than one term in the white house. first lady michelle obama gave the keynote address saying protecting the right to rote is the nation's most important civil rights issue at the plaque caucus banquet. i'm veronica de la cruz. now back to "lockup." due to mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised.

>> msnbc, that's where to be, locked up, yeah. ♪ the steps you don't want to follow because life without parole is a hard pill to swal lowe. ♪ tomorrow isn't promised because today isn't finished ♪ ♪ i can feel the tension when there is drama in the building ♪ ♪ there is nowhere for you to hide ♪ ♪ i suggest you say awhat from here and follow god ♪ ♪ prison life is hard locked up locked up everybody locked up ♪ ♪ this achts the place you want to be because prison life is hard ♪ ♪ locked up locked up everybody locked up ♪

♪ this ain't the place you want to be because prison life is hard ♪ ♪ make different choinss than the ones i made stay free keep it real peace ♪ >> though phillip stroud will never live life beyond the fences of the wabash valley correctional facility, he has found other means of liberation. ♪ >> music to me is more important than food, more important than water, more important than anything. it makes me free. it just makes me free, you know. ♪ ♪ shake shake shake it up >> stroud leads the prison choir. they perform during sunday church services and at special events, and his cell mate curtis mcgrown has been a constant source of help and inspiration. ♪ you had a chance you made a choice you should have made a change ♪ ♪ there is nowhere to left to

hide ♪ ♪ i suggest you say away from here and followed to go ♪ ♪ i know it is hard out on them streets but prison life is harder ♪ >> that is one of the best ones i have heard him sing right there. >> he raps a lot and sings a lot. he will be waking me up at 3:00 and wanting to wake me up so he can write a rap for church or a letter. i am a mentor toward him. >> what position am i playing in the choir? >> doo-doo-doo-doo. >> i can't doo-doo-doo. >> you look like you can do doo-doo-doo. >> i'm just steer joetyping you based on your stomach. >> that's all right. it be gone, player. >> uh-huh. ♪ amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch likes me i once was -- >> once awaiting execution on

death row, stroud is now serving three life sentences without the possibility of patrol for murder. >> i'm been using my street credibility for my music to influence them in a different direction because i am mindful that it is a lot of people who do look towards me. ♪ amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me ♪ >> it's been 11 years since the cold-blooded triple murder that brought stroud to prison. for the past several years he has a clean conduct record and is committed to becoming a new man, one very different than the one who used to wreaked havoc on the street. >> if you had something that that i wanted, your girlfriend, your car, your money, your

territory, whatever, if i wanted that, i was coming to get that. if you tried to come get it from me, then i was coming to get you. if i'm coming to see you, it was over with. you know, usually i probably be the last person that you would see. you mow, i was the nuclear option. [ music playing ] ♪ power power power every working power ♪ >> at the end of the day, life is about choices. all of this stuff is an illusion, the life i led on the streets, the dope dealing, the gang banging, the getting drunk and getting high. if you really want to keep it real, you got to make better choices than the ones we made because it will lead you down one of three paths, death, a life in prison or an empty existence on the streets. ♪ it's a prison's life i lead >> for our first go-around.

>> while stroud uses music to escape the restraints of prison, many others turn to drugs. and despite the efforts of staff drugs are smuggled into the prison. trafficking and abuse pose security preliminaries. corrections officers conduct surprise shakedowns to find and confiscate drugs often with the use of a drug detection drug. inmates are also required to give urine samples. today's target is the protective custody unit. >> we'll go with two-man teams. bring them out and set them down. >> 504. >> remember these guys are all in protective custody. so we put a little space between them. >> put me on the opposite end. >> among those to be searched and tested are two of wabash's high-profile inmates, joshua bean and dustin trowbridge.

♪ >> open 504. >> shortly after bean and trowbridge are allowed back into their cell, corrections officers return to administer the drug tests. >> we test for eight different drugs, morphine, oxy, meth, cocaine and marijuana. >> bean. >> the containers are designed with a drug detection patch that provides immediate results. all right. bean, right? i know i got you showing a presumptive positive for methamphetamine. that's your testing.

you want it sent to the lab. >> send it to the lab. there's no way. >> okay. >> if an inmate tests positive he can request a second test at an outside lab. he is confident it is because of a prescription drug he is allowed to take. >> i'm on wellbutrin. that will tell you that in the lab, right? >> getting narcotics back here is next to impossible. so, you know, i don't have a doubt when it goes to the lab i'll be all right. >> for bean, a positive drug test could result in a transfer out of the protective custody unit where the high-profile nature of his crime, the murder of his ex-girlfriend and destroying her corpse could make him a target among other inmates. >> i haven't been anywhere, even in the county to in prison that i haven't run someone who knew who i was or had seen this stuff on the news about my case, that

kind of thing. it follows you everywhere. i tested positive for pot maybe a year or two ago and they took me to a disciplinary unit g house. i was over there for maybe a half hour and had four or five people say, look, if you don't get out of here, we're just going to straight stab you. coming up, investigators reach conclusions on both curtis cash and bean. it just wouldn't . i was spotting, but i had already gone through menopause. these symptoms may be nothing... but they could be early warning signs of a gynecologic cancer, such as cervical, ovarian, or uterine cancer. feeling bloated for no reason. that's what i remember. seeing my doctor probably saved my life. warning signs are not the same for everyone. if you think something's wrong... see your doctor. ask about gynecologic cancer. and get the inside knowledge. you won't just find us online, you'll also find us in person,

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it's been nearly a week since wabash valley inmate dana woods has been accused of brutally beating his cell mate. curtis cash suffered a broken jaw and a bloodied face.

since then woods has been on a 23-hour lockdown in the custody control unit as internal affairs completed its investigation. >> it appeared on the scene when we arrived that cash had been assaulted by woods with a hot pot. he had sustained some lacerations to his face, multiple bruising to his neck and all over his body where it appeared to us that he had been kicked. >> but both cell mates are sticking to the same story, that cash's injuries were the result of falling down in the cell. >> because of the lack of cooperation from the alleged assailant and the alleged victim we did not file any external or internal charges on mr. woods or mr. cash. >> both of these guys have a lot of years left in prison. ao it's normal for the victim not to want to talk because he's got a lot of years to do in here. he is not going to want to be labeled as snitch.

that will further the probability of being assaulted in the future. he is maintaining the story that he fell. >> woods was released from the custody control unit and returned to general population. but he's been given a new cell assignment in another housing unit. >> you got to get along in here. i mean you got to. >> yeah, we get along good. >> have you seen cash since the altercation? >> no. no. he's on the other side of the prison. >> did you guys leave on good terms? >> of course. >> over in the protective custody unit joshua bean has received word on his ongoing investigation. after testing positive for methamphetamines during a recent shakedown, bean requested an outside lab do its own test. the results came back negative backing up bean's claims. i take wellbutrin. pretty much everybody that takes

wellbutrin in here tested positive for methamphetamine. that's what i figured it would be from the beginning after i tested because i knew i wasn't doing anything. >> open your mouth. thank you. >> although the prescription drug often creates problems when he's tested, according to bean it has become his lifeline. he says he needs the medication to cope with the anxiety and stress of being incarcerated for the murder of his girlfriend. >> and, you know, just when i think i have a grip on it, these wounds are scar tissue, i thought was healed just opens back up all over again. and you know i'm -- sometimes partially in tears, sometimes i just want to hit the off switch when i don't have one. there's no on and off to a lot of this kind of stuff. it happens when it happens and i just got to deal with it. >> on the eve of his 30th

birthday, bean's cell mate, dustin trowbridge, has spent nearly half of his life in prison for murdering and assaulting a 69-year-old woman. he too attempts to make peace with the past. >> i didn't used to like myself. i had a lot of hate trette towards myself for a long time. on the back of my arms, it says freak of nature. you know, i started seeing things completely different. that's nature. i started understanding things different too. and i changed. i don't want to say it's because i found god or anything like that, because, you know, truthfully that came afterwards. you know, i didn't get religious or anything until years after i figured out what a piece of crap i used to be. >> coming up -- >> i can never ask you to

forgive me for the horrible things i did to you. >> joshua and dustin reach out to the women they not only murdered but whose bodies they desecrated. >> i never wanted anything other than your love, babe. i never would have hurt you. >> but the mother of bean's victim has a different account back then. >> i know that heather was beat by him at least four times. ♪ [ male announcer ] introducing a reason...to look twice. introducing a stunning work of technology -- the entirely new lexus es. and the first-ever es hybrid. this is the pursuit of perfection.

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more than 2,000 inmates are housed behind the walls of the wabash valley correctional facility. but housing assignments are temporary as cell mates have found out. they were moved from their larger corner cell to a smaller one on the other side of the unit. >> why did they move you out of

the big old corner area? >> did you see the dude in that cell now? he about this big. >> he is a bit bigger. i think he needed that cell a little bit more than we did. >> so you think they moved you out of that cell because there was a bigger guy moving in? >> it was a handicapped cell. we are both kind of small. i'm bigger than him but the guy bigger than me needed that cell more than me. because they looked like they was in a matchbox in here when we moved in here. >> but for stroud the only thing that changed is the view. >> to me it's all prison. you know, that's how i look at it. whether the cell was ten times this sides or was it half of this size, i might have been in worse situations. i just look at it like we are still in prison and can't go home. the only environment that really matters is this environment right here, you know what i mean. i got a nice view. i got a view that i look at now

and it just really -- >> step over here so you can see. >> to any young person or anybody who thinks that coming to prison is cool or whatever. come here. that's what i got to look up for the rest of my life, those wires. that might be the closest that i ever get to freedom, it's close of that, that's what lockup is. that is what my extended stay is like. that's for real. that's real life. it's not high like in the movies. it ain't none of that, man. this is my bed. when i look out the window that's what i see. >> dustin trowbridge keeps a record of the many cells he occupied over the last 15 years. >> i wrote down where i was every birthday that i've had

since i been here. 15th was in the drunk tank in the county jail. 16th was in the cell above me. 17th was over here on the right side. 18th was on the right side. >> trowbridge has decided to mark his 30th birthday by writing a letter to the elderly woman he robbed, murdered and sexually assaulted. >> i can never ask you to forgive me for the horrible things i did to you. i can't find in myself the ability to forgive myself. i am sorry i stole your sense of security when i snuck in your home and stole your sense of accomplishment and endeavors. i'm sorry when i stole your dignity in the despicable which i did. i'm sorry i stole you from your loved ones when i very cowardly took the very life that god gave you. there is no words that can ever express how sorry i am. to those who knew and loved

[ bleep ], i'm sorry. i will a not ask for your forgiveness either. you have every right to hate me for what i've done. i hate myself for what i've done. every day for over half my life not a moment has gone by when i didn't hang my head in guilt and shame. that's it. >> why did you feel the need to write that? >> well, i think it was -- this was as much for myself as it was for anybody else's sake. i this is going to sound kind of silly, but i really didn't -- i couldn't comprehend death until someone i knew -- until i had experienced that loss, and it -- it kind of put things in a completely different perspective when my grandma died.

trowbridge's cell mate, joshua bean, also wrote a letter to his victim heather, his former girlfriend who he stabbed to death. >> dear heather, i can't push these emotions to the darkest place in my mind anymore. i suppressed so much. now your parents think i abused and beat you on multiple the occasions. now your friends think i controlled and forced you to be with me. i am so far from abusive i sometimes find it funny for where i ended up. i never wanted anything over than your love, babe. i never would have hurt you. yet you are dead and i might as well be. >> but debby norris, heather's mother, says that bean is a liar. >> i know that heather was beaten by him at least four times, four times that were pretty bad. one time she ended up going to the hospital after a beating. two of those beatings she

pressed charges, and he was arrested on one charge, and the other charge was pending when he killed her. >> debby norris did not allow her daughter to die in vain. after heather's death, she led the effort that resulted in the passing of heather's law, which made domestic violence education a requirement in indiana high schools. >> i'm trying to educate the young people on what a healthy relationship is and the signs that they need to look for and what to do and that there are people out there that care and there are resources for them to turn to. when you're in abusive relationship and you decide to go back, you are going to hear the words, "i'm sorry, i've changed, i'll dever do it again. i love you ♪

and you want to believe it so you did that going back. and i believe that's what heathery. >> i mean she loved me. i know she did. when she -- when she was -- after she got off me, i had stabbed her right here, she lay down. i held her in my arms and before she died, she said "i love you" and those were her last wordsment >> during his sentencing one of the things that he did say was heather's last words were that i love you, josh. i will never believe that. i have nightmares that heather's last moments was calling out for me to help her because she had done that so many times before. i don't see where this would have been any different.

>> one fact that is indisputable is that bean attempted to get away with murdering heather by dismembering her body with a chain saw and placing the parts in trash dumpsters throughout indianapolis. heather's body was never recovered. >> i go by a dumpster, and i wonder if that's one of my daughter's last resting places. i see black trash bags, and it makes me sick. i hear a chain saw, and i have to get away. so much is different. obviously he took heather's life. but he took mine. he took her dad's. he took her family's. he took her friends'. nobody is the same. nobody has ever stopped missing heather.