due to mature subject matter viewer discretion is advised. there are two million people in america, we open the gates, lockup. [ yelling] >> don't be -- >> that's a downfall. >> i didn't like the way you allowed him to punk you. >> they seen life in prison. it was the scariest thing i've ever had to go through. >> when i walked back here it was just horrifying. it was something i don't want to recall. >> i want to see outside. i want to see some beauty try and forget about this place. studies show that women are

one of the fastest growing segments of america's prison population. since 1995, the total number of male prisoners in america has grown 29%. the number of female prisoners nearly 50%. what does it mean to society and to our justice system? we first visited valley state women's prison in california back in 2000. one of the largest all-female prisons in the world. we returned five years later to see if reforms made any difference to a system troubled by overcrowding and the inmates caught in a seemingly hopeless cycle of abuse, drug addiction, and violence. >> everybody tries to make a family here. this is their family while they're here. but then there is another aspect of the population that can be very violent, very cutthroat -- >> [ bleep ] >> they're making a game out of it. the more violent it is the more fun it is for them.

>> shut your camera off of me! >> they're not people. >> i don't feel i'm a good person because of the things i've done and i'm scared. i'm scared. i am very scared. >> 250 miles north of los angeles is valley state prison for women. it was built in 1995 and sits on more than 640 acres. while the dormitory layout and spacious green yards might remind some of a college campus razor wire guard tower, and the electrified fence leave no doubt this is prison. and the 3,600 women who live here are criminals. >> when i first came to prison i was 19 years old. and i'm here for second-degree murder. and i have ten to life. >> trying to fight -- >> sharon phoenix is now 41 years old. >> everything was like silent.

you had to be very careful in the way you walked and the walk you talked and your attitude. you know i was dealing with women who didn't care. i seen a woman get beaten. i've seen women o.d. >> more than 80% of the women at valley state are in for drug-related offenses. >> i used to use heroin started at 16 using it. >> i'm addicted to crack-cocaine. >> heroin. >> i've been using heroin since i was 12 years old. >> substance abuse is an underlining factor of most of the crimes that are committed by the women here because in order to support their drug habits you end up committing burglaries petty theft, various crimes that will result in a felony conviction. as a result, they end up in prison. >> what you mean you need some more food? starving like what -- >> like i'm eight-months pregnant -- >> you're what?

let me see. oh, you are, aren't you? >> gloria henry is the warden at valley state. she's run this prison since 2002 and has been working with women in corrections for more than 20 years. >> i have always felt like i have a responsibility to try and return them to the community better than they were when they came in. you have a lot of these women who come in here from the time they were little girls. they had nobody to teach them how to be a good citizen, how to be a productive adult. they have no life skills. they didn't learn them. what they did growing up was survived. when they come in here, there's a lot of things that we need to be able to teach them how to do in order to go back in to our communities. >> this is the reception area of valley state where the new inmates are processed. >> do you have any old cdc numbers? >> no. >> okay. >> i haven't ever been scared. scary -- i'm ashamed of what i

did, too. >> right now i'm numb. i don't feel anything. i'm numb. because i just got here. so i mean i don't really feel anything yet. i don't know how it's going to be. i don't know what i'm going to face because i've never been here. >> some of them i see come in they're disgusted because they're back here again. and we see them every three or four month ors or time and time again. >> my fifth time -- >> fourth -- >> my first commitment was petty theft with a prior. this is my fourth violation. >> i never said i wasn't going to come back because i'm a criminal. it's what i do. >> after the initial photographs, fingerprints and paperwork, the prison's medical staff examines each new inmate to assess her needs. >> and that's the only thing that you're under treatment for now? >> the new inmates must spend their first several week in an area separate from the general population before being integrated interest a permanent housing unit. while segregated the new inmates are psychologically

tested to determine in which housing area they will be placed for their remaining sentence. >> some of the women inmates that we see here who are psychotic, have lost touch with reality, may have bizarre and unusual behaviors hear voices and those types of things. and we would need to treat them usually with medication and some supportive therapy. we also see people who have major depressive disorders, very sad. maybe suicidal. and these women may need medication therapy and also psychotherapy, as well. >> once the correctional staff screens each inmate for medical and psychological needs as well as security risk, she's assigned to her housing unit. the women live eight to a room. >> when you live with seven different personalities and somebody's day has gone wrong, they're bound and determined to turn it around on you. >> you better be quiet. you're going to get it. >> friendships are lost over

just one bad day in close quarters. >> inmates not only have to get used to their new environment but also the prison routine. a typical day at valley state starts early, at 6:30 breakfast is cooked and served by the inmates under staff supervision. the majority of inmates spend their day in a variety of valley state's educational, vocational or rehabilitation programs where they can earn a high school diploma, learn a trade, or cope with anger, addiction, and abuse. >> when i first came to prison i started fighting at anything, anything you said to me would make me you know react. if i felt threatened. most of the time i'd end up in cuffs. i've had several police tell me you're going to be here until the prison falls down. and through going to groups and therapy, i finally learned that that wasn't the way to do it.

i need to learn how to use talking skills instead of my hands. and with more help and more good functions, i have the chance to go home. >> life here is about order and routine. by 10:00 p.m. it's lights out. there are some places at valley state that never go to sleep. coming up -- [ yelling ] >> this is how it is 24/7. you have to be prepared for anything. >> doing time at valley state's prison within a prison. and later -- >> when i was a little girl i could never imagine myself being here now today or even coming to a place like this. >> we check back with someone who was just out of her teens when we first met her five years earlier and could spend her life behind bars.

you know i have a problem with you, right? because i didn't like the way you allowed them to punk you. >> an act of violence or drug use inside the prison will bring an inmate here to the administrative segregation unit or adseg. it is valley state's prison within a prison. while adseg houses those on temporary lockdown the other side known as the security housing unit or shu is for serious offenders who are considered a more permanent problem. >> i was set up. i was set up.

that's what i was. inmates were afraid of me, and they put a shank under my cot. >> they think i'm a threat because i was in an institution. >> inmates in the shu are kept in their cells almost 23 hours a day. they are allowed out for only three showers a week and ten hours in the recreation yard. life in adseg or shu isn't just a more intense experience for the inmates, correctional officers like diane vasquez are under the pressure of dealing with a different brand of criminal. >> working here in adseg shu is very challenging. you deal with a lot of physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse. it just depends on how much you let it affect you. [ yelling ] >> you hear yelling, you hear occur-- you hear cursing kicking, banging on the doors. this is how it is 24/7. at nighttime they don't sleep.

any time you're dealing with any of the inmates here you have to be ready to react to anything. >> one through six -- >> you always got to be prepared, know your options when you're dealing with different situations. you always have to think two steps ahead to prepare for whatever can happen. >> an arsenal of nonlethal weapons like teargas and rubber bullet provides stopping power in case of an incident. to provide added security for the officers, meals are delivered through slots in cell doors. random cell searches are an effective way for officers to find weapons and other contraband before they can be used against staff and other inmates. >> just checking some of the unclear containers contraband. we can't see through this. we can take our light. if there's anything in here beside what's supposed to be in here we'll be able to see it. there's an unknown liquid in this. that's a shampoo bottle. there should be shampoo in there. there's not shampoo in there.

use mirrors to see where we don't want to put our hands without being able to see. we don't want to get stabbed. >> although the officers search for all sorts of contraband, they first and mower post it on the look out for -- and foremost they are on the look out for weapons. >> this is stiff. it could be used as a stabbing weapon. it's better that we take it. >> when it comes to crafting homemade weapons, an inmate's determination can be deadly. >> here is what we call a fashioned lock. what it is is -- it's a cut-off pillowcase made into a handle. the inmate braids it to where they can hold it real tight. and what they do is attack another inmate. another common weapon for inmate to use would be a toothbrush you melt the plastic down. and they put a razor in there which acts as a slashing device.

the screws have been melted inside of a lighter, and you hold it -- >> keeps the inmates safe. keep the officers safe. so if we could stop it here, everybody's going to get to go home safe. >> not only prisoners are in adseg for disciplinary reasons. cynthia menendez and linda donahue are here to protect them from their enemies. >> we're here because our life has been put on the line. and we have family that we want to get home to too. i was put here because my life was threatened. my son testified and took somebody away from their family. they were going to take me from mine. here for a month, and it got harder and harder. when i walked become here i could just see horror. every time you're taken out of your cell you're handcuffed. it's just -- it's very

depressing, very humiliating. >> linda donahue was assaulted at a nearby prison and was shipped to valley state for her protection. now her attacker will be arriving at the prison, so linda has been moved to adseg for her own security. >> yeah blood all over the room. i finally was able to get up. she had me pinned. i was able to get up and bang on the door for a doctor. i am scared of dying. i've seen people beat worse than what i got beat. >> for both women, the isolation of adseg has provided a chance to reflect on their time behind bars. >> it was a reality check for me. it was really a reality check. maybe this is what it took for me to realize it this is not where i want to be. you're told not to be weak in prison. don't be weak in prison. that's a downfall.:i don't know how to be strong. >> i just had that one habit and

couldn't break away from it, you know. it was like taking away the loneliness. >> violence and drugs still take their toll inside valley state. darlene acevedo is serving time for petty theft. but as a drug user, she was sent to the adseg for feeding her addiction on the inside which led to an attack on another inmate. she's been in adseg for 21 months. >> this is the first time that i've been sober in my whole life since i started using drugs. since i was 18. so that's why i meant by reality check, this has made me the real person that i really am. >> darlene's facilities are basic with a few luxuries like lotion, spices and a television. she spends her time reading with only pictures of her family to keep her company. >> when i look at my pictures i know that i have a purpose. >> today, darlene will go before a committee to determine if she is fit to leave adseg.

>> she was originally placed in asu on 12-12-04. regarding the assessment of the shu term, icc found no factors in aggravation. it is further recommended that we release her to facility d. >> the meeting brings good news for darlene. she will return to the general population. >> everything's going to be fine. i'm going to make it. when we return -- >> this place makes you hard. >> five years later, we catch up with three killers who could spend their lives in valley state. [ woman #1 ] why do i cook? ♪ ♪ because an empty pan is a blank canvas. ♪ ♪ [ woman #2 ] to share a moment. ♪ ♪ [ man #1 ] to remember my grandmother. [ woman #3 ] to show my love. ♪ ♪ [ woman #4 ] because life needs flavor. ♪ ♪ [ woman #5 ] to travel the world without leaving home. [ male announcer ] whatever the reason. whatever the dish. make

it delicious with swanson. [ woman #1 ] that's why i cook.

when i was a little girl, no, i could never imagine myself being here today or even coming to a place like this. when i was 16 i was in juvenile hall fighting my case. still didn't bear the thought of me coming to prison. to be so young, convicted of second-degree murder facing 15 to life in prison it was the scariest thing i've ever had to go through. i didn't know what i was coming to. what it was going to be like.

i've heard many stories of prison. so i was scared. i was terrified. >> when we first met janice jaycot, she just turned 21. she was sent to valley state to serve 15 to life for second-degree murder. >> i set up a drug deal. drug deal turned into a robbery. the robbery turned into a murder. the girl turned state evidence, and the guy was on the run. he ended up die being a year and a half later. this place makes you hard. it can make you bitter. i don't think it rehabilitates you. 90% of the women go out harder than what they come in. >> janice was pregnant when she was arrested. her son of born sick month priority to her being sent to valley state. >> i don't know what it's like to be a mother to him. to me i'm just the woman who gave birth to him. i'm not his mom. my stepmom and father have raised him. >> janice is now 26, older,

wiser, and looking toward the future. >> four years ago, i was a wreck. i was real rebellious. didn't care about nobody. i don't think i gave a damn about myself. now four years later, i'm more mature. i care what happens to me. >> janice also cares about the child she left behind. she hopes to be paroled within five years and at last be a mother to her son before it's too late. >> i think as he gets older and comes to understand and realize where i'm at and i'm not hope taking care of him, i think he's going to be real rebellious about it. and he's not going to want to listen to nobody. and i'm -- i'm terrified he's going to make the same mistakes as i did. >> at valley state prison there are 385 women serving life sentences. >> actually four years ago, i couldn't see ever leaving here. i couldn't see leaving here. now as my board date approaches,

i see that there might possibly be a light at the end of the tunnel. only in the last year or so have i felt like maybe this isn't what god has planned for me to stay here for the rest of my life. >> marta ulin is also a life at valley state. she was convicted in 1998 for vehicular manslaughter. she drove drunk and killed four people. >> i wanted to die myself. didn't only affect the four people in that car, but myself and my two children don't have their mother right now. the effects ripple on down. and it affects so many people that it's -- it's unbelievable. the pain will never go away. >> marta is serving 15 to life. when we spoke to her in 2000 she was convinced that prison was the end of the line but longs to reunite with the family she left behind. >> i have a very supportive

daughter who's 20 who's putting herself through school. and i have a 23-year-old son in iraq right now who should be coming home soon. he's having the hardest time dealing with me being here. and we've basically had no communication since i've been in prison. but i'm faithful that god's going to turn that around. i know that god's always there. he wraps his arms around me and comforts me and tells me he's going to see me through this and that he's forgiven me because i can't forgive myself sometimes. >> i've become a very angry person rather than say, somebody who's looking at things and finding things better. there's nothing rehabilitating here. it's a drudgery really. >> when we last saw barbara

erdman, she was 65 years old and one year interest her ten-year sentence for murder -- one year into her ten-year sentence for murder. >> my husband had left me after 30 years. i was having a very tough time with it. and all of a sudden i decided i was going to be me again. i went to his house -- he had moved out. and i went over to his house where he lived and wanted to tell him to keep whatever pension and stuff he had and just sign the house over to me. and he got very irate and started beating me up. when i backed up, his gun was on the counter. he carried it once in a while. i picked it up and tried to scare him, and he backed off. then he came at me. and i pulled the trigger i guess. i really don't remember it clearly. it went off, and he died.

>> barbara had more difficulty adjusting to her time in prison than the others. barbara will soon be 71. >> no this is not life i'll tell you that. you're definitely being punished for sure. it's a nightmare. i still have not gotten over the shock of being here. and everything's so different. people are so different. they're not people. and i think i was still in shock at that time and i didn't really realize what was going on, what it would be like to be in here. it's horrible. really is. i don't laugh as freely. i don't live really is basically

what it is. i try very hard to keep my spirit up but sometime it -- you just can't. if it wasn't for my family, my granddaughter who i've got pictures of, i wouldn't make it. i don't know what would happen. >> as these women get closer to freedom, they remain mindful of the fine line between getting out and actually moving on. >> when i get out of prison i'll be the kind of person that carries a good job. be the best mother i can be. that's my number-one priority is to be a mother to my child. >> i cannot bring those children back. i cannot bring the gentlemen and his girlfriend back -- the gentleman and his girlfriend back. and i can't wipe the tears of the family members or my own

family members. but i can keep trying to move forward and do the best that i can do for others and try to replace it that way. that's the only way i know how. >> that's what i need to do is just focus on the fact that in two years i will be out, and maybe there's something i can do on the outside. i want to see the outside. i want to see some beauty. try to forget about this place. coming up babies behind bars and the women who have to give them up.

hey there, here's what's happening -- american forces have capture aid key al qaeda leader in a raid in libya. he's accused of plotting the 1998 attacks in embassies in kenya and tanzania. the u.s. carried out a raid

in somalia targeting the leader of al shabaab, the group bringing the renal mall attack in kenya. the house passed a bill to give 800,000 furloughed federal workers retroactive pay once the government reopens. no sign of an end to the shutdown. i'm veronica de la cruz. medical care for all prison inmates is notoriously inadequate. at valley state prison for women, health care is indeed one of the facility's biggest challenges. for prisoners, it's also been a hot-button issue for years. each day after breakfast inmates on medication line up for daily doses. all drugs are regulated -- psycho tropic prenatal, even cold medicine. the inmates have long considered health care to be one of valley

state's biggest problems. despite being fully operational in 2007, the facilities were understaffed and overburdened. there were less than ten physicians to care for more than 3,500 inmates. >> the medical care here sucks. >> medical -- >> medical sucks. >> medical sucks. >> we need better medical! >> i've been here eight years, never had a physical. they said because i'm young and healthy i don't need a physical. >> because of standards set by the community, there's been a significant increase in funding for the health care services for women. and we have been able to add to our staff in terms of physicians, nursing, mental health staff. is it still perfect no. do we have enough staff, no. do we have vacancy issues and problems we're working with yes. we are significantly better off in terms of our ability to deliver quality standard of care today than a year ago or five

years ago. >> most of the difficulties stem from the inherent differences between male and female populations. above all, pregnancy. >> pregnancies in the prison provide a very unique problem for us because many of the women that are pregnant are in very poor health. they're ill when they are pregnant. they have issues in their lives. >> approximately 175 babies are born each year to inmates at valley fate. sdlding b1 -- building b1 houses the expectant mothers. >> i have a 2-year-old and 1-year-old at home. >> when an inmate is ready to deliver at valley state she's brought to the nearby madeira community hospital. corrections officers are posted outside the delivery room. this isn't the only thing that separates these mothers from the others at the hospital. >> when the babies are delivered, the mothers don't get to bring them home. >> a family member must pick up

the newborn within 48 hours. otherwise, the baby is placed in foster care. >> this is my son manuel. he weighed a pound and six owns. >> when this mother was sent to valley state on a parole charge she was seven pregnantmonths pregnant can with triplets. >> i had a high-risk pregnancy. this is no place to be. >> amelia's delivery was dangerously premature. she had to be airlifted to a hospital capable of providing adequate care to her new family. soon after delivering the triplets amelia was given traumatizing news. >> i'm grateful because from the triplets two of my children are still living. mason unfortunately passed away.

which was really hard because i couldn't be there like i should have been. the hardest thing was to lose my son and being away from my children period. it's tearing me up inside. i feel like i'm the worstest mother. this is not my home here. i'm not calling this my home. my home is with my children. >> an unfortunate fact of life at valley state is that 85% of these women are mothers. they display photos. >> this is hunter. these are my girl. i love them -- my girls. i love them so much. >> one of the more sobering differences between men and women's prisons is that many inmates who end up here never see their loved ones again.

>> in the woman's case they are frequently abandoned. there are not men in their lives that care good them enough to stay with them during this difficult time. they come here and their families don't take the time to see him. there are not as many men who want to write to, send love letters and love stories to women who are locked up. >> it's saturday. usually a prison's busiest time for visits. yet inmate anza heathcock and her family had the room to themselves. >> without them being here, i don't think i could make it through this. looking forward to their visits, looking forward to their letters, you know, brightens my day. it really does. >>ler fiance and three boys are visiting her. >> i miss her a lot. just happy we can see her today. >> we're supposed to get married

when she gets out. >> we never get to talk or anything, all we get to do is write her. when she gets out, she can probably come to our football games. >> i will. be there with everyone video taping it. you know i will. can't wait to get out and start living my life. that's my boys. i'm blessed to have somebody take care of my kids. i know where my kids are. a lot of women don't know where their kids are. they don't have family or family shut them off since they're in here. i'm fortunate that i got someone to love me and will come 200 miles, whatever miles, to see me. you better be here every week. okay? >> yep. >> anza was released from valley state prison in november 2000. her sons are teenager now living at home with her, and anza is still in a relationship with her

fiance. although advocacy groups sponsor bus trips to bring family to see their mothers, such trips are rare. barely 1% of inmates have a visitor on any given day, meaning anza was among a precious lucky few. >> makes life in here livable. you know, gives me something to look forward to. when we return -- ♪ >> while some look to god for love in prison, others look to each other.

good morning, sister. good morning, sister. >> one of the basic philosophies

of the penal system is repentance . it's no surprise so many inmates turn to religion. >> we come to worship you. we come to praise your name. anyone that comes to god usually comes because what motivates them is pain. emotional pain. spiritual pain. >> i come to know the lord in here which is something very very -- it's strong in me. i feel so much peace with myself. i know he forgives me for being a rotten person. i know he forgives my sins. and i know i could do anything now. >> there are several religious options for the inmates from this native american ceremony led by a cherokee healer -- >> connect to your center. we send our blessings out to our families that we miss very much. >> only god is in that place -- >> to this catholic service where inmates are anointed with holy oil. >> be healed of all diseases --

>> so many of our inmates have never been touched. the touching part is -- is a real key for them. the very fact of the anointing and the blessing, the fact that i can touch them on their forehead and on their hands i get this sense of -- of relief for them that somebody really cares about them enough not to touch them in a violating way or an abusive way. >> because so many inmates have been physically and mentally abused, they come into valley state unaccustomed to nurturing relationships. >> one of the things that happens in the prison system for women is that women will sometimes build themselves a family. a woman will become a father. a woman will become an uncle, a brother. they will be pulled together into a family structure. >> you know, decide this is an older lady you know. i look up it them. so this is like my mother

figure. they start calling them mom. this is you know the lesbian female, this is my dad. you know, whatever whatever. >> lorraina diaz is serving six years for manslaughter and an assault on an officer. >> something they don't getality home. something they've never had -- get at home. something they've never had. in here the relationship much more closed because you're so enclosed and you got to see these people every day no matter what you do you know. so you build these bonds with people. >> many of these inmates become so close that their relationships go beyond mere support. >> women have a much stronger need for touch and to be close did each other and to talk -- close to each other and to talk and have close relationships. >> married in prison? yes, i'm married to n prison. >> to who? >> to a woman. >> we got married -- >> many of our women prisoners who would not be gay or lesbians in the free world are in fact

drawn to each other here in a supportive family-like concept. that ultimately may lead into lesbian sexual relationships. >> when i first came to prison about a year after i was in prison, i started being with women. probably for affection. now i don't be with women because it wasn't when i was. i was being lonely. i didn't know how to keep myself occupied. so i was with women. >> about being close to somebody having somebody give you love. it's not -- even some of the lesbian relationships in here, you know a lot of females come in here and have husbands they have five children at home or whatever. but they come here and they receive love from somebody you know what i'm saying? they find somebody who they care about and cares about them. coming up -- inmates look to their future.

>> it's going to be a whole new world, you know. >> both inside and outside the prison walls. >> doesn't ever want to be --

how you doing? >> i'm doing fine and you? >> fine. >> good. >> we love her -- >> she's the one. >> i would love to have the women leave this prison better off than they were when they came in. that is my goal. that is our mission. >> when msnbc visited valley state in 2000, the recidivism rate was 55% despite officials' hopes that it would decrease. that number has held steady. if the trend continues more than half of these women will come back. >> 24 years old, i've done six months here already, and i've come to terms with myself about changing my life and my

lifestyle and friends and people i hang around with in order not to come back to this place. this place is really not a bad place. they have a lot to offer you here if you take advantage of the situation. they got school. they even have college courses here that you can take and thing like that. you get yourself into something positive you know what i mean? >> we can provide all the education and academic programs in the world. the individual who comes through our gate has to be ready to accept those programs. has to be ready to say i need to change who i am and how i live. >> to help give inmates a marketable skill upon release, valley state has 15 vocational programs. from welding to landscaping to cosmetology. inmate marlene stolzmark used to be a drug dealer. >> the outside world, well i ran a lot from the law. i sold drugs to get by, you know. it was easy money instead of --

i didn't really know too much of doing anything except running the streets. and this is when they came here they asked me, well what are you interested in. you know i said nails, hair. they put me in this program. it was good. a lot of us that's here don't know nothing except what we've learned to bring ourselves here. if we had known a trade or something, we might have did that instead of doing what we did to get here. >> at the end of her ten-year sentence, marlene hopes to open a nail shop of her own. >> i'm hoping that it will give me a normal life where i don't have to look over my shoulder and wonder am i coming back. i don't think anybody really thinks about coming to prison and having to stay here. but it's the choices in life that we make that bring us here. hopefully i don't make that same mistake and come back. >> i came in, n my very early

20s -- i came in in my very early 20s. i'm pushing my 40s now. my sentence was life. >> kristi was convicted of second-degree murder. she works in the print shop. she dropped out of school in the second grade but earned her high school diploma here at valley state before working on a vocation. >> any type of learning a trade is going to give you a sense of accomplishment. boost your self-esteem. give you job skills that you can incorporate when you leave. >> kristi has been denied parole multiple times but hopes her new skill will make a difference if she leaves valley state. >> when i think about paroling, it's going to be a whole new world, you know. i've been in almost 20 years i'm looking ford resigning the community and being a community-oriented citizen. a homeowner. living the american dream just like everybody else. so -- that's what i plan on doing. >> because a large part of the population at valley state is here for drug-related offenses the substance abuse program

remains many inmates' only hope. >> good afternoon, family. my name is venita. first of all i want you ladies to put your legs down and, and i want you ladies it relax. >> venita lee used to be a drug addiction herself. today -- drug addict herself. today she has a unique appreciation for the struggles the inmates face. >> it hurts me because i feel irresponsible. i feel hardness. i feel unworthy. you know, i'm working on this right now. you know what i mean? >> how has it made you feel when you see other peers with pictures and they're showing picture and you're not showing any pictures of your kids? >> it feels -- it's like an emptiness, you know. >> yeah. >> these women are part of walden house. valley state's residential community for substance abusers. today's topic is the effect the inmate inmate's addiction has had on their families. >> me and my kids don't have that relationship or that bond that a mother and child supposed

to have. >> right now if you can tell your kids anything, what would you tell them? >> i would apologize for not being the parent that i was supposed to be. i would tell them that i love them very much. i would tell them not to make the same mistakes i did. >> i'd like to give all you ladies a big stroke because you did some processing. i want to stroke the ladies that was here for support. it's important that we let these ladies know that the work that they're doing is very important because some of these ladies have held this in for like 20, 25 years. it's hard for them to be productive out there in society because they have all this garbage inside and final economy to a place where they can release it and be safe doing it. >> i lost my mother while i was locked up. i'm not real close with my family right now because the trust was lost. >> some of these ladies haven't cried in many years. and when we see the tears, we know it's cleansing them and

helping them become that productive member of society. it's very important that we hug them. that way they know that they're doing the right thing, and it's okay to cry. >> all right. yeah. >> good job. good job. >> yeah. >> single file. >> okay. >> what i want i want you to give me your whole name. >> are you ready for your last pat-down? >> these women are being paroled. yet despite their hopeful smiles odds are the majority will be back. >> what a parolee will leave with is their personal property that they have, and generally $200. unless they've worked somehow and saved money or have had family or friends that have sent money for their trust account to give them something for a start. generally it's $200. >> for many the prospects of leaving valley state on parole doesn't bring hope but fear. for inmates like lorraina diaz a life in prison is all they know. >> i'm scared to get out you

know. i'm scared because i don't -- i don't know what i'm going do, and i know how different i am now. and it's just -- a weird experience. >> i don't feel i'm a good person because of the thing i've done. they want you to be this good girl and let you loose and let you become part of society again. part of me doesn't ever want to be part of society. >> i think some of them actually like it here. and they get their families you know they create their families here, their friends. it's like a reunion. it's nothing new to them and it's their comfort zone. >> it's traumatizing, it's real traumatizing just to look 19 years down the road and be eligible for parole. i'll be too old. won't be able to collect ssi, any vocation i take now won't be any good by the time i'm old enough to parole from here or -- technology changes every day. i have no idea what half the

cars look like out there let alone a computer. it's going to be scary. on our return to valley state, we found life remains very much as it was on our first visit five years earlier. while there may be new programs and increased funding in some areas, fundamental issues like drug addiction, recidivism, and abandonment are unchanged. that's our report thanks for watching. i don't think anybody doubts that i have done bad things t.

question is what of course and how and most importantly, why. people constantly ask me why? >> he was born theodore robert cowell. cowell otherwise known as ted bundy confounded authorities with his killing spree. while on death row, bundy agrees to a series of