due to mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised. ♪ just trip over something? >> i don't remember, man. >> you don't remember. somebody help you fall? >> no. >> prison staff suspect an inmate is covering up his own brutal beating. >> i don't like using the same broom that everybody else uses because then i'm just bringing their funk in my cell. >> two cellmates share deeply disturbing charges. >> i was younger, i was a very, very bad person.

something was broken. >> i ended up buying a chainsaw and cutting her corpse into about 15 different pieces. >> one victim's mother still lives the nightmare. >> i go by the dumpster and i wonder if that's one of my daughter's last resting places. ♪ lockup ♪ everybody locked up >> plucked from death row, another inmate tries to make a difference. ♪ amazing grace >> at the end of the day life is about choices. all of this stuff is an illusion. ♪

indiana's wabash valley correctional facility houses nearly 2,200 inmates. more than 1/3 of them are doing time for serious violent crimes. unless isolated in solitary confinement, the vast majority of inmates live in two-man cells. pairings are critical, and avoiding a volatile mix of cellmates is a constant challenge. >> we try to not put people doing life with people who are going home next year or blacks with whites or white supremist with somebody that might have a child molestation case. just to try to resolve the conflict before it happens. >> but even with careful screening, conflicts can still arise between cellmates. >> there was a report we just had an assault. there's a guy in the infirmary that's received several injuries to his facial and head area. and at this point he's saying he just had a seizure.

so we're going to just go over and try to talk to him. i think they discovered that he mie have be may have been assaulted with a hot pot. we're going to talk to him and see if he is willing to talk at all. >> the victim is curtis cash, who is serving a 29-year sentence for burglary. >> cash? >> yeah. >> what's up with you, man? you can stay laid down if you want to. what happened to you, bud? >> i fell. >> you fell where? >> in my cell. >> that's a pretty nasty fall. did you get dizzy? >> yeah. >> did you have a seizure? >> i don't remember. >> have you ever fell like this before since you've been here? >> no. >> first time? >> yeah. >> do you have any medical conditions that would make you fall? >> no. >> you just trip over something? >> i don't remember. >> you don't remember? did somebody help you fall? >> no. >> no? is it safe to assume that probably something more than you falling happened that you just don't want to talk about? >> i don't -- >> who do you live with? >> woods. >> woods?

>> yeah. >> what's his first name? >> i don't know? >> how long have you guys lived together? >> probably eight months. >> eight months. and you think you are safe going right back to the same cell you was in? >> yeah. >> you don't think you'll fall again? >> no. >> so you think for whatever reason you fell this time for is over with and you won't fall more? >> should be. >> you understand where i'm coming from. >> yeah. >> we've got to protect you. >> i mean, i fell. i'd rather leave it at that -- >> you don't want to talk about what happened, then? >> no. i'm trying o'get medical attention, man. >> i'm going to get you all fixed up. they've done some x-rays, right? all right. >> he reported he had fallen in a cell. which is typical in prison. instead of these guys wanting to snitch on anybody they'll say they fell or had a seizure or hilt their head playing basketball. but he's got substantial injuries. looks like his jaw's possibly broken, maybe his orbital's probably fractured.

staff seem to think that something was done with a hot pot. there was a hot pot that was broke inside the cell that's been found. and the cellmate is in cuffs. we'll go over and talk to him and see what he's got to say. >> the cellmate is dana woods serving 70 years for aggravated battery and criminal confinement. >> apparently there was a little incident in your cell a while ago. that's what i'm here to talk about. >> the man fell. >> pretty substantial injuries for just falling. >> well, i'm sure the man has epileptic seizures and they've come and found the man before on the floor. >> there was a lot of blood in the cell. >> right. he had a pretty good gash on his head. >> how did the hot pot get broke? >> the hot pot? >> mm-hmm. it was in your cell. >> it broke because we was fixing a hot pot before and it had been in the trash the whole time. >> i can tell you i've been here 15 years and ain't nobody ever just had a fall that looked like that. >> he fell on the bed.

>> i'm not going to tell you what he told me just like i wouldn't tell anybody else what you told me if you were beat up. that kind of puts people's lives in danger. i've been here 15 years and i've never done it once and i'm not going to start now. he might have told me he fell and he might have told me you beat the [ bleep ] out of him. >> if he told you [ bleep ], that didn't happen. >> you are running around here assaulting people and i'm convinced you did this. it's not a simple fall. but you're not going to man up and tell me what happened, why it happened? >> the man sprayed blood all over the place. >> that's not the truth at all and we both know it. so i'll make different housing arrangements for you if you don't want to actually tell me what was going on. >> he's maintaining the story that nothing happened, that he didn't do anything, the guy fell. so at this point, you know, we'll go in and look at the cell

and see what it looks like. >> while violence between cellmates is always a possibility in prison, for phillip stroud and curtis mcgrown, living together has had the opposite effect. >> is that that diabetic nasty peanut butter? >> it ain't got no taste to it. >> why don't you put a cookie on the peanut butter? >> no. i ain't messing with no more snacks. i've got to get rid of this stomach. >> dear heavenly father we thank you for this meal. >> old curt. curt is a good brother, man. he's a gentle giant. he brought a lot of balance into my life. we've been cellies for almost two years. >> stroud never imagined he'd have a cellmate. he used to be housed on indiana's death row living alone in a cell awaiting execution. >> i'm in prison for three counts of murder, three counts

of robbery, and two counts of dealing in cocaine. i spent three years on death row. >> went on a robbery. half a million dollar score. it was a residence, a safe. three people, three innocent people end up losing their life when they didn't have to. they didn't deserve to. >> stroud's victims were contractors working at the home stroud and his accomplices robbed. stroud ordered the men tied up, then shot each in the head with a pistol. >> when i first walked on death row, the thing that hit me first

was the silence. the absolute silence. walking on there was like the type of silence that takes you in, the type of silence that's listening to you, watching your every move to see how you're going to respond to it. i came on the unit 23 years old, trying to project courage, confidence and strength, but on the inside i was upset, i was confused and i was afraid. the thing i remember the most was the cold concrete floor underneath my bare feet. and just sitting on the edge of that bunk, man, and i just broke down and started crying and crying for all the people that i hurt, crying for justice, crying for my mother. you know what i mean? and during those three years seven men, you know, were executed. they lost their lives. >> a change in indiana's capital

punishment laws saved stroud from joining them. his sentence was commuted to three life terms without the possibility of parole. but stroud's salvation did not immediately make him a better inmate. >> i was the thug of them all. like paul said, i was the chief among all sinners. i was the bully's bully. i could make things move how i wanted to make them move. you know what i mean? that was just a gift that i had. >> that all changed when he found himself sharing a cell with mcgrown, who is serving 40 years for armed robbery and criminal confinement. >> when i first came over, he was kind of real rough around the edges. but me being a mellow-type guy, you know, i'm low-key. god came through me to help straighten him out a little bit. you know? >> you're starting to thin out a little bit on the top. >> that's my rooftop, man. sunroof. >> that's your convertible? >> yeah.

>> bald head brothers is in, i'm trying to tell you. women like bald headed dudes. >> he's changed a whole lot. i'm proud of myself that god used me to work with him, you know, after his reputation around the prison and on the street. >> i'm just thankful that i can be used, you know, and i got a brother like this that have brought so much balance to my life. >> just as he credits mcgrown with helping him become a better man, stroud says he's determined to pay it forward. he spends his free time tutoring other inmates like keno austin, who's trying to earn his g.e.d. >> left side. so what would be the antonym out of that? >> left side? >> yeah. what would be the antonym? >> the front. >> uh-uh. the opposite of left is right. >> oh, yeah. i'm tripping. >> don't get pissed. >> we just here trying to offer critical thinking skills, you know, conflict resolution, ways to settle disputes without resorting to violence. just use the platform and the credibility that we do have from

our past lives to try to effect positive change on these youngsters' lives in here and in the streets. >> you're doing good, man. and you catch on quick. for real. >> coming up, two cellmates with two unthinkable crimes. and later -- >> what have you seen so far? >> prison surveillance footage provides a new view as investigators try to figure out what happened to curtis cash and whether his cellmate should bear the blame. . wow! this is incredible! i know. and now it has more clams! [ male announcer ] campbell's chunky soup. what? [ male announcer ] it fills you up right. [ male announcer ] campbell's chunky soup. what? [ female announcer ] some people like to pretend a flood could never happen to them. and that their homeowners insurance protects them. [ thunder crashes ] it doesn't. stop pretending. only flood insurance covers floods.

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i miss my old school. i miss my room. i don't want special treatment. i just wanna feel normal. to help, sleep train is collecting pajamas for foster children, big and small. bring your gift to any sleep train, and help make a foster child's night a little cozier. not everyone can be a foster parent, but anyone can help a foster child. at indiana's wabash valley correctional facility most of the inmates live in two-man cells, and like any two people sharing close quarters, cleanliness is vitale. >> why are you sweeping with your hands?

>> i don't like using the same broom that everybody else uses because then i'm just bringing their funk in my cell. >> when do you think we're doing spring cleaning? >> it's not going to be today. because i'm already cleaning the floor. >> that's fine. i was just asking. i'll probably make time for it sometime over the weekend. >> do it sunday. just plan on sunday. >> all right. >> cellmates for about a year, joshua bean and justin trowbridge may have different priorities but they share the stigma of having separately committed unthinkable crimes. >> from day one i've known that the things that i've done even among criminals was way, way off you know, into the deep end.

when i was younger, i was a very, very bad person. something was broken. and i just -- i didn't think like other kids my age did. >> trowbridge was 14 years old the day he committed the heinous crimes that brought him to prison. he was high on inhalants. his victim was a 69-year-old female neighbor who was working in the back yard of her trailer home. >> and i see that her front door is open, and me being the person that i was, that clicked. okay. go get some money. and that was my intent when i went up in there. and she came in and she actually scared me when she came in because i didn't know that she came in. and i attacked her and i

sexually assaulted her and i killed her. and i robbed her. and i left. the poor woman didn't stand a chance. >> prosecutors determined that trowbridge not only strangled his victim but sexually assaulted her after her death. he was sentenced to 77 years for robbery, murder and abuse of a corpse. he has served already 15 and with good behavior could be out of prison by age 50. he currently lives in wabash's protective custody unit, which houses inmates whose lives could be at risk in general population due to the nature of their crimes. trowbridge's cellmate, joshua bean, shares the same unusual pairing of convictions.

murder and abuse of a corpse. he is serving 68 years. the victim was his ex-girlfriend, heather norris. >> it was a toxic relationship. it was love-hate. and i still very much love her. >> throughout the couple's three-year relationship, heather had told her family that bean was physically abusive. and even though bean faced a pending trial on domestic abuse charges at the time of heather's murder, he says he wasn't abusive. >> the whole thing was predicated on a lie. and the lie is that we had a violent relationship. i'm not saying i'm without fault. but as far as what happened with her death, worst case voluntary

manslaughter, best case self-defense. >> bean insists the couple had an argument and heather came at him with a knife. >> i was able to get a hold of her forearm and try to pry the knife out of her hand. and even still after i had the knife she continued to come forward. that kind of caught me off guard. and in the heat of the moment i reacted. i stabbed her in the side right here. >> but according to court records, bean had confessed to a friend that he stabbed heather several times and slit her throat. no one knows for sure because her body was never recovered. >> i decided to try to do something with the body. i thought, well, cremation. but at the time i didn't know the specifics behind it. so i made an attempt to burn her body. a botched attempt.

i ended up buying a chainsaw. that's what people can't get past. is what happened after. >> coming up, the mother of josh bean's victim speaks out. >> i go by a dumpster and i wonder if that's one of my daughter's last resting places. >> but first. >> looks like he probably tried to clean the blood up before the staff arrived. there's blood on the bedding, some on the back window. >> investigator littlejohn tries to determine if one cell is an accident scene or a crime scene. and -- ♪ power, power >> saved from death row, phillip stroud leads the choir. you gave? well, yeah, yes. the "name your price" tool. you tell us the price you want to pay, and we give you a range of options to choose from. careful, though -- that kind of power can go to your head. that explains a lot.

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at indiana's wabash valley correctional facility the m house cell block has been put on

lockdown, limiting movement of all inmates, until investigators can determine the cause of curtis cash's severe facial injuries. both cash and his cellmate, dana woods, claim cash simply fell. but internal affairs investigator frank littlejohn suspects a cover-up. >> the suspect probably told the victim, you know, you'd better not tell on me, say you fell. that's pretty typical in these situations. nobody falls and receives that many injuries. >> littlejohn suspects woods might have used the hot pot to assault his cellmate. >> and this is what was retrieved out of the cell. >> it was right next to the door and the hot pot was down in the trash. >> littlejohn's next step is to investigate the cell itself. >> looks like obviously you can see probably a little blood here. looks like he probably tried to clean the blood up, actually, before the staff arrived. there's blood on the bedding, some on the back window. so it was probably a little struggle.

it looks like he's already packed his property. sew knew. that's pretty typical. they pack their stuff up so the officers don't get things mixed up or whatever. so he's ready to go to segregation. he knew he would be going. >> littlejohn also checks cell house surveillance footage. while there is no coverage inside the cell, he wants to rule out the possibility of another assailant entering the cell. >> what have you seen so far? >> absolutely nothing. nobody goes in. nobody comes out. they didn't go out for breakfast. they didn't go out for lunch. >> and nobody's been in or out in between breakfast and lunch? >> nobody's gone in or out. >> you see the officers are at the cell. this is offender cash. he is the offender with the injuries. this is the cellmate coming out. >> the video doesn't show anything as far as an assault taking place. it does show that nobody entered or exited the cell other than the two. they didn't come out for breakfast, didn't come out for lunch. so whatever happened obviously happened inside the cell.

>> woods was taken to the custody control unit, a high security cell block where he'll be locked in a single person cell 23 hours a day pending the final results of the investigation. >> go ahead and strip out. socks, everything. everything. go ahead and put that on. >> they put us in a room. they don't give us no manual to teach us how to live in a box with another man. it's really hard. it's really hard, man. especially if they have seizures, anytime they hurt themselves you get blamed for it. >> coming up, joshua bean faces new troubles following a shakedown. >> bean, right? i've got you showing presenting positive for methamphetamine. >> and later, his victim's mother talks about the brutality of her daughter's murder.

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only from xfinity. i'm millis a. rehberger. power crews in pennsylvania and maryland are still working to restore power to 122,000 customers after last week's ice storm. power crews will work through the weekend. but many customers could remain without power into monday. and a self-storage owner in louisville is looking for some help tonight. they found this set of world war ii medals. the medals belong tie veteran named anthony grinder who would most likely be in his 90s now. now back to "lockup." due to mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised. msnbc.

that's where it be. ♪ locked up ♪ yeah ♪ footsteps you don't want to follow ♪ ♪ because like without parole is a hard pill to swallow ♪ ♪ tomorrow isn't promised because today isn't finished ♪ ♪ i can feel the tension when there's drama in the building ♪ ♪ nowhere left for you to hide ♪ there's only two ways out ♪ parole or suicide ♪ so i suggest you stay away from here and follow god ♪ ♪ this ain't the place you want to be because prison life is hard ♪ ♪ locked up, locked up ♪ everybody locked up ♪ this ain't the place you want to be because prison life is hard ♪ ♪ locked up, locked up, everybody locked up ♪ ♪ this ain't the place you want to be because prison life is hard ♪ ♪ make better choices than the ones i made ♪ ♪ stay free ♪ keep it real ♪ peace >> though phillip stroud will never live life beyond the perimeter fences of indiana's wabash valley correctional

facility, he has mound another means of liberation. ♪ >> music to me is more important than food, more important than water, more important than anything. it makes me free. it just makes me free, you know. ♪ ♪ pick, pick, pick it up >> stroud leads the prison choir. they perform during sunday church services and at special events. and his cellmate, curtis mcgrown, has been a constant source of help and inspiration. ♪ you had your chance you made a choice ♪ ♪ you should have made a change ♪ ♪ there's nowhere you can run ♪ there's nowhere left for you to hide ♪ ♪ i almost met this fate this ain't the way you want to die ♪ ♪ i suggest you stay away from here and follow god ♪ ♪ i know it's hard out on the streets ♪ ♪ but prison life is harder

>> that's a good one right there. that is one of the best ones i have heard him sing right there. >> he raps a lot and sings a lot. it could be 3:00 in the morning he'll wake me up wanting to write a rap for church. he'll wake me up. i'll help him with it. or a letter. i look at myself as a mentor toward him. >> what position you have me playing in the choir? >> doo-doo-doo-doo. >> i can't doo-doo-doo. >> you look like you can doo, doo, doo. >> that's only now, bro. that will be gone. >> i'm just stereotyping. >> that's gone. >> i'm just stereotyping you just based on your stomach. >> that's all right. it'll be gone. ♪ amazing grace ♪ how sweet the sound ♪ that saved a wretch like me ♪ i once was lost >> once awaiting execution on death row, stroud is serving three life sentences without the possibility of parole for murder. >> i've been using my street

credibility to power my testimony, my music, just to try to influence them in a different direction. because i am mindful that it's a lot of people that do look toward me. ♪ amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me ♪ >> it's been 11 years since the cold-blooded triple murder that brought stroud to prinds. prison. for the past several years he has a clean conduct record and says he's committed to becoming a new man, one very different than the one who used to wreak havoc on the streets. >> if you had something that i wanted, whether it was your girlfriend, your car, your money, your territory, whatever, if i wanted that i was coming to get that. if you tried to come get it from me then i was coming to get you. if i'm coming to see you, it was over with. you know, usually i'd probably be the last person that you

would see. you know. i was the nuclear option. ♪ power, power ♪ wonder-working power ♪ it's the work of the lamb >> at the end of the day life is about choices. all of this stuff is an illusion, the life i led on the streets, the dope dealing, the gang banging, the getting drunk and getting high. if you really want to keep it real, you've got to make better choices than the ones we made because that life will lead you down one of three paths -- death, a life in prison, or empty existence on the streets. ♪ in the presence of the lamb >> that wasn't that bad for our first go-around. >> while stroud uses music to escape the restraints of prison, many others turn to drugs. and despite the efforts of

staff, drugs are smuggled into the prison. trafficking and abuse pose security problems. corrections officers conduct surprise shakedowns to find and confiscate drugs. often with the use of a drug detection dog. inmates are also required to give urine samples. today's target is the protective custody unit. >> two-man teams. bring them out and set them down. >> 504. >> remember, these guys are all in protective custody. so a little space between them. >> opposite end. >> among those to to be searched and tested are two of wabash's more high-profile inmates, joshua bean and dustin trowbridge.

>> open 504. >> shortly after bean and trowbridge are allowed back into their cell, corrections officers return to administer the drug tests. >> we test for eight different drugs. morphine, oxy, benzodiazepines, pcp, amphetamines, cocaine, and marijuana. >> bean. >> the containers are designed with a drug detection patch that provides immediate results. >> all right. bean, right? i've got you showing a presented positive for methamphetamine. that's your testing. you want it sent to the lab? >> send it to the lab. there's no way. >> if an inmate tests positive, he can request a second test at an outside lab. >> what's that mean?

>> bean is confident his positive test is the result of a prescription drug he's allowed to take. >> i'm on wellbutrin. they'll be able to tell that in the lab, though, right? >> yes. >> getting narcotics or anything like that back here is next to impossible. so, you know, i don't -- i don't have a doubt when it goes to the lab i'll be all right. >> for bean a positive drug test could result in a transfer out of the protective custody unit, where the high-profile nature of his crime, the murder of his ex-girlfriend and destroying her corpse, could make him a target among other inmates. >> i haven't been anywhere, even in the county to in prison, that i haven't run into someone that knew who i was or had seen this stuff, you know, on the news about my case. that kind of thing. it follows you everywhere. i tested positive for pot maybe a year or two ago and they took me to a disciplinary unit in g house.

and i was over there for maybe a half hour, and i had four or five people say look, if you don't get out of here, we're just going to straight stab you. coming up, investigators reach conclusions on both curtis cash and joshua bean. d boots an♪ ♪and boots and pants and boots and pants♪ ♪and boots and pants... voice-enabled bill pay. just a tap away on the geico app. ♪ huh, 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. yup, everybody knows that. well, did you know that some owls aren't that wise. don't forget about i'm having brunch with meagan tomorrow. who? seriously, you met her like three times. who? geico.

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control unit as internal affairs completed its investigation. >> it appeared upon the scene when we arrived that cash had been assaulted by woods with a hot pot. he had sustained some lacerations to his face, multiple bruising to his neck, and all over his body where it appeared to us that he had been kicked. >> but both cellmates are sticking to the same story, that cash's injuries were the result of falling down in the cell. >> because of the lack of cooperation from the alleged assailant and the alleged victim, we did not file any external or internal charges on mr. woods or mr. cash. >> both of these guys have a lot of years left in prison. so it's normal for the victim not to want to talk because he's got to do a lot of years in here. he is not going to want to be labeled as a snitch. that will further the probability of being assaulted in the future. he is maintaining the story that he fell. you can't make them talk. >> woods was released from the custody control unit and

returned to general population. but he's been given a new cell assignment in a new housing unit. >> you've got to get along in here. i mean, you've got to. >> yeah. we get along good. >> have you seen cash since the altercation? >> no. no. he's on the other side of the prison. >> did you guys leave on good terms? >> of course. >> over in the protective custody unit joshua bean has received word on his ongoing investigation. after testing positive for methamphetamine during a recent shakedown, bean requested that an outside lab conduct its own test. the results came back negative, backing up bean's claims. >> i take wellbutrin. pretty much everybody that takes wellbutrin in here tested positive for methamphetamine.

>> thanks. >> you're welcome. >> that's what i figured it would be from the beginning after i tested positive because i knew i wasn't doing anything. >> open your mouth. thank you. excuse me. >> although the prescription drug often creates problems whenever he's tested, according to bean it's become his lifeline. he says he needs the medication to cope with the anxiety and stress of being incarcerated for the murder of his girlfriend. >> and you know, just when i think i have a grip on it, these wounds or scar advertise i thought was healed just opens back up all over again. you know, and i'm sometimes even partially in tears. sometimes, you know, i just want to hit the off switch when i don't have one. there's no on and off to a lot of this kind of stuff. it happens when it happens and i just got to deal with it. >> on the eve of his 30th birthday bean's cellmate dustin

trowbridge has spent nearly half of his life in prison for murdering and sexually assaulting a 69-year-old woman. he too attempts to make peace with the past. >> i didn't used to like myself. i had a lot of hatred toward myself for a long time. on the back of my arms it says "freak of nature." >> that one would be listless which means freak. freak of nature. you know, i started seeing things completely different. i started understanding things different too. and i changed. i don't want to say it's because i found god or anything like that. because truthfully, that all came afterwards. you know, i didn't get religious or anything until years after i figured out what a piece of crap i used to be. >> coming up -- >> i could never ask you to forgive me for the horrible things i did to you. >> cellmates joshua trowbridge and joshua bean reach out to the

women they not only murdered but whose bodies they desecrated. >> i never wanted anything other than your love, babe. i never would have hurt you. >> but the mother of bean's victim has a very different account. >> i know that heather was beaten by him at least four times. afghanistan, in 2009. orbiting the moon in 1971. [ male announcer ] once it's earned, usaa auto insurance is often handed down from generation to generation. because it offers a superior level of protection. and because usaa's commitment to serve current and former military members and their families is without equal. begin your legacy. get an auto insurance quote. usaa. we know what it means to serve. [ male announcer ] she won't remember this, being carried in your arms. but after a morning spent in the caribbean playing pirates with you in secret coves and afternoons swimming with dolphins,

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[ man ] i don't know if this is gonna be a first or second, but this is gonna be a medal! [ man #2 ] and it looks like we could have another one of those photos! [ female announcer ] every minute. every medal. every screen.

the nbc sports live extra app gives you unprecedented access to every moment of nbc universal's coverage of the sochi olympics, now on your tv. the x1 entertainment operating system, only from xfinity. ♪ more than 2,000 inmates are housed behind the walls of the wabash valley correctional facility. but housing assignments are temporary, as cellmates phillip stroud and curtis mcgrown just found out. they were recently moved from their larger corner cell to a smaller one on the other side of the unit. >> why did they move you out of the big old corner area? >> did you see the dude that's

in that cell now? he's about this big. >> he's a bit bigger. he needed that cell a bit more than we did. a lot more. >> you think they moved you out of that cell because there was a bigger guy moving in? >> yeah. it was a handicapped cell. we're both kind of small. i'm bigger than him but the guy bigger than me needed that cell more than me. because they looked like they was in a matchbox in here when we moved in here. >> but for stroud the only thing that has changed is the view. >> to me it's all prison. you know, that's how i look at it. whether the cell was ten times this size or was half of this size, you know, i've been in worse situations and i just look at it like we're still in prison, we still can't go home. the only environment that really matters is the environment right here. you know what i mean? i've got a nice view. i've got a view that i look out of now and it just really -- i

just look at like we're still in prison and can't go home. >> step over here so you can see. >> to young person or anybody who think that coming to prison is cool or whatever. come here. that's what i got the look at for the rest of my life. those wires. that might be the closest that i ever get to freedom is close but it's far away. that's what lock up is. that is what my extended stay is like. that's for real. that's real life. it's not high like in the movies. it ain't none of that, man. this is my bed. when i look out the window, that's what i see. >> dustin trowbridge keeps a unique record of the many cells he's occupied over the last 15 years. >> i wrote down where i was every birthday that i've had since i've been here. 15th was in the drunk tank in my county jail.

16th was in the cell right above me. 17th was over here on the right side. 18th was on the right side. >> trowbridge has decided to mark his 30th birthday by writing a letter to the elderly woman he robbed, murdered, and sexually assaulted. >> i could never ask you to forgive me for the horrible things i did to you. i can't yet find it in me to forgive myself. i am sorry. i'm sorry i stole your sense of security when i snuck into your home. i'm sorry i stole your accomplishments and endeavors when i took your belongings. i'm sorry i stole your dignity when i assaulted you in the despicable ways that i did. i'm sorry i stole you from the loved -- from your loved ones when i very cowardly took the very life god gave you. there's really no words that can ever express how sorry i am. to those who knew and loved miss [ bleep ], i'm sorry. i'll not ask for your forgiveness either. i know that i've hurt you in ways i've only just begun to understand. you have every right to hate me

for what i've done. i hated myself for a long time. every day for over half my life not a moment has gone by when i didn't hang my head in guilt and shame. that's it. >> why did you feel the need to write that? >> well, i think it was -- this was as much for myself as it was for anybody else's sake. i -- this is probably going to sound kind of silly, but i really didn't -- i couldn't comprehend death until someone i knew -- until i had experienced that loss. and it -- it kind of put things in a completely different perspective when my grandma died. trowbridge's cellmate, joshua

bean, also wrote a letter to his victim, heather, his former girlfriend, who he stabbed to death. >> i cannot push these emotions to the darkest most solitary place in my mind anymore. i've suppressed so much. now your parents think i abused and beat you on multiple occasions. now your friends think i controlled and forced you to be with me. i am so far from abusive sometimes i find beyond belief how i wound up where i am. i never wanted anything other than your love, babe. i never would have hurt you. yet you are dead and i might as well be. >> but debby norris, heather's mother, says bean is a liar. >> i know that heather was beaten by him at least four times, four times that were pretty bad. one time she ended up going to the hospital after a beating. two of those beatings she pressed charges. and he was arrested on one

charge, and the other charge was pending when he killed her. >> debby norris did not allow her daughter to die in vain. after heather's death she led the effort that resulted in the passing of heather's law, which made domestic violence education a requirement in indiana high schools. >> i'm trying to educate the young people on what a healthy relationship is and the signs that they need to look for and what to do and that there's people out there that care and there's resources for them to turn to. when you're in an abusive relationship and you decide to go back, you are going the hear the words "i'm sorry. i've changed. i'll never do it again. i love you." and you want to believe it. so you end up going back. and i believe that's what

heather did. >> i mean she loved me. i know she did. when she -- when she was -- after she got off me, i had stabbed her right here. she lay down. i held her in my arms. and before she died she said "i love you." and those were her last words. >> during his sentencing one of the things that he did say was heather's last words were that "i love you, josh." i will never believe that. i have nightmares that heather's last moments was calling out for me to help her because she had done that so many times before. i don't see where this would have been any different. >> one fact that is indisputable is that bean attempted to get

away with murdering heather by dismembering her body with a chainsaw and placing the parts in trash dumpsters throughout indianapolis. heather's body was never recovered. >> i go by a dumpster and i wonder if that's one of my daughter's last resting places. i see black trash bags and it makes me sick. i hear a chain saw and i have to get away. so much is different. obviously, he took heather's life. but he took mine. he took her dad's. he took her family's. he took her friends'. nobody is the same. nobody has ever stopped missing heather.

due to mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised. am i evil? yes i am. >> one inmate walks a fine line between heaven and hell. after a decade in confinement -- >> it just strips the humanity away from you. >> -- one of indiana's most infamous inmates moves to general population. >> i couldn't believe it with his reputation that he has. >> serving 100 years for a