now the scenes you have never seen. "lockup" raw. behind every murder is a motive. >> they are crying on the phone, screaming, telling me their daughter cannot spend another day around this guy. they are afraid of what he is going to do. >> i felt the person was more like a man than like a woman.

this was after we got married. >> behind every murder there is a story. >> columbine had happened. i was wearing a trench coat. >> behind some murders a person you thought you could trust. >> i remember when i woke up, the first thing i said was, today is the day. >> more americans are incarcerated today than ever before. now when we go behind the walls of maximum security prisons, we see a greater cross section of inmates than ever. >> you know they are dangerous and belong in prison, but we are finding more and more inmates who have committed murder who look like the guy next door. what would lead a guy like this to cull someone? >> at 27 years old adam drake looks more like a college dorm

resident than a prison inmate. >> i am always happy and perky. >> but when we met him at the correctional facility in colorado, he was serving life without parole for murder. drake was conskrikted when he was 17. 10 years later he still has boyish looks and adolescent appetite. >> some of the things i miss the most are peanut butter captain crunch, i miss gum. it's such a small thing but you don't realize how much you miss it until you haven't had it for 31 years. >> if i hadn't moan his crime i want to have guessed it was murder. ad childlike quality about him. surprising to see in a prison environment. he came into prison as a teenager. it's almost as if something stopped in him at that age. >> drake's teen years were

troubling. he frequently ran away from home. >> i am smart. thafrg they tell me i kind of learn. didn't do homework. didn't like going. >> running away eventually led drake to murder. he shot and killed a man known for giving troubled teens, chug himself, a place to stay. he told the court that he killed the man in self-defense. >> he had my friends in his house. when i went in he attacked me, so i shot him. >> drake shot his victim five times, with the final shot fired through the back of his head. he faced the jury just as the country was trying make sense fortunate columbine school shootings. >> when i went to trial columbine had happened five months before that.

there were similarities, like i was wearing a trench coat. my crime occurred in april. theirs was in april. they were 17, i was 17. >> your sentence? >> life without parole. >> how does a 7-year-old deal with that? >> i cried, then kind of coped. >> how did you survive when you came in as an 18-year-old? >> they told me when you get there avoid anything to do with gangs, tattoos, gambling. i don't make waves. when i do, i make little splashes. >> if he could, he would play dungeons and dragons during the time he is not working. that's good. the more you read and do math, the more you stay out of trouble. he does have a brain up here. he makes his own decisions.

>> we learned that drake's mind can also cause him trouble in a setting as restrictive and controlled as prison. >> suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorders. you become reliant on routines. >> his obsessive-compulsive disorder has made his routines more difficult. >> we got word that adam got into trouble and was locked up, which was surprising, because he was a model offend ir. the prison had issued a policy a prisoner in who to sit down in the first seat. to him that was offensive. >> nothing in the northwest i

got to look at. i prefer to be sitting looking that way. >> he is serving a life without parole sentence for murder. he is having difficulty because he can't sit in a certain spot in the chow hall irkts there has been tightening in my stomach, feels like knots. more anxiety. >> we soon learned that his ocd extended beyond wre it is. >> adam had rituals for everything. he alphabetized his socks. >> i have got to keept socks in order and wear them in success. e is next because i have wearing ds. >> in prison offenders have little or no control over day-to-day lives. adam decided this was what he could control. he could control his articles of clothing, his canteen. this was his way of saying i

have control over my open destiny. >> can i do something without you getting upset? >> that's what? >> these socks. i'm not sure why i did it. what would happen if i did move your socks. how long can you leave these socks hike that? >> not at all. >> i am not sure why i decided to challenge adam. i thought i could make him see whether they were here or folded this way it wasn't going to alter his life. i picked up one of the t-shirts and put it down haphazardly. how about this? >> that's not cool either. the label needs to be facing up. >> you know your shirt and know your name. >> it just does. i couldn't explain why i have empty boxes either. i need to have them, because i

don't know when they could be handy. >> he was good-natured about it and played along, but made it clear the second we stopped he was going to put everything back the way it needed to be. i am walking away. >> drake did tell us that as difficult as prison has been, it's had one benefit. >> through my teens i didn't get along with my mom. ever since this happened our relationship is better. >> we were with drake when he met with his mother and stepfather. his attention seemed to be elsewhere. >> visits, it's a happy day because you have a host of vending machines with a little bit of everything that you can choose from that you can have loved ones purchase something for you. >> adam cleaned the visitation room as part of his job.

he-manned out what items he was going to have his parents buy. >> i labeled by machine which item and specific hi what it is. >> it was a little bit of happiness for his family and happiness he was going to enjoy the treats. >> there was more to the visit than the treats. >> he never say he loved me. he never say when he was growing up. after three years he starts, mom i love you. after they years, totally the opposite, unrecognizable. i wish he could come out. >> he never explained exactly what had transpired in his childhood as to why he ran away. watching that visit, i would never have thought adam was a runaway or had any problems.

there did seem to be a true bond of love between the two. >> i don't know what it was that kept adam so happy. he always had a smile on his face. seeing his mother getting emotional, i think it started to get to him a little bit. >> these make you grow up. now i can say i am proud of the way you turned out. >> adam maintained hope he was going to get out someday because of the sthisting laws on minors and life in prison. >> i will get out. this isn't going to be forever. >> coming up. >> my nickname is lefty. it's because i have one arm.

>> the loss of an arm leads to murder. a mouth breather! how do you sleep like that? you dry up, your cold feels even worse. well, put on a breathe right strip and shut your mouth. cold medicines open your nose over time, but add a breathe right strip, and pow! it instantly opens your nose up to 38% more so you can breathe and do the one thing you want to do. sleep. add breathe right to your cold medicine. shut your mouth and sleep right. breathe right. [ squeaking ] [ water dripping ] visit tripadvisor hawaii. [ whistling ] with millions of reviews, tripadvisor makes any destination better.

♪ yeah, girl ♪ you know, i've been thinking about us ♪ ♪ and, uh, i just can't fight it anymore ♪ ♪ it's bundle time ♪ bundle ♪ mm, feel those savings, baby and that's how a home and auto bundle is made. better he learns it here than on the streets. the miracle of bundling -- now, that's progressive. wait, wait, wait, it's wait, wait, wait...whoa, does she have special powers when she has the shroud? no. guys? it's the woven one the woven one. oh, oh that gives her invincibility. guys? no, no, no... the scarlet king is lord victor's son!! no don't. i told you! you guys are gonna be so surprised when you watch the finale!!! you're so lucky your car has wi-fi. yeah...i am. equinox from chevrolet... the first and only car company to bring built-in 4g lte wi-fi to cars, trucks and crossovers.

a broader mix of energies, world needs to move, to keep warm, to make clay piggies. that's why we are supplying natural gas, to generate cleaner electricity, that has around 50% fewer co2 emissions than coal. let's broaden the world's energy mix, let's go.

♪ as we sing holy holy holy >> when we met brian in california state prison, we had a hunch his nickname would play a part in his story. >> my nickname is lefty. that's because i have one arm. at f/a-18 i was the victim of a drunk drive accident in the air force. >> he was the height of irony on a lot of levels. he was a good example of why you don't want to take justice in your own hands. his crime was a vigilante.

>> being a christian means you don't have to be scared of your past. because your sins, no matter how ugly they are -- >> he is an inmate preacher. >> after the air force medically retired me i retired to arkansas, started selling clothes in the mall. all i thought of was having one arm. i had self-confidence issues before that. i missed out on the best years of my life. i learned how to talk to girls, how to build confidence and did what i wanted to do. >> the benefits led to a new problem, a lack of cash. >> i went to a club. for the first time i was around people that i always wanted to be around.

part of that scenery was doing cocaine. i couldn't afford to do cocaine without selling cocaine. so i started to sell cocaine. >> he claims he was successful as a drug dealer. then one night he took things up a notch. >> they years after selling drugs i end up going with a buddy to do yoeshs not really a murder for hire but we were supposed to beat a guy up bad and make it lack like a robbery. >> he told us the experience shook him up enough to give up crime. he enrolled in college. then a phone call from hoist father sent him on another life altering odyssey. >> anymore texas. the day i got to scholarship was the same day my father called me and asked me, how much does it cost to get this guy killed?

>> he says his father told him his distant cousin, an 8-year-old girl who lived in california was being molested. they wanted to pay him to kill the man. >> i told my father i would call him back. after a few days of thinking i decided to come to california and kill paul myself. >> he went to the west coast to carry out the hit. he knocked on the door. when a young boy answered he got nervous and left. he went back a second time, but nobody was home. >> the two ladies were skrieg, screaming telling me their daughter cannot spend another day around this guy. they end up telling me tuesday he would go to a daycare center

to pick up his son. planned my escape route. went to mcdonald's, grabbed something to eat. went to an abandoned horse trail and put up my disguise. i waited for, i don't know, seemed like forever. i said out loud to nobody in particular, hey, i am supposed to do that. i hit scan on the radio. all of a sudden, my favorite song started playing. he parked in the parking lot 20 feet from the door of the daycare center. i pulled in his blind spot. i got in the car and slowly skrept to his window. i took the gun and tapped it a few times on his window. he was startled. i just started shooting. dropped the gun and took off. >> he was later identified and

arrested. then he came to the painful realization he had been duped. >> the truth about the man i killed, to say i would rather say i killed for a righteous reason, the truth is i was mistaken. it was a bitter custody dispute and misled us all. got my family to believe he was monthliesting the 8-year-old. the truth is, i may have been mistaken. i may have done all this for no reason at all. >> but each this twist wasn't the last of the bizarre ironies in his life. he testified against the two women who hired him. the two women received life sentences. in return for his testimony, he got 25 to life and immunity for

his father. but the deal came with a price. he was labeled a snitch by other inunited states and force understood protective custody in the sensitive needs yards. >> that's for inmates that cannot program around the general population inmates. child molest terse, people with sex kriemts. >> he killed a man he thought was a child molest ter. >> don't ask, don't tell. it's creepy but you want to push it back and concentrate on who they are now, not so much what they have done. >> that's the new brian? >>, yeah, that's the new brian. there is a lot of days the old me wouldn't put up with it. we are all here. we are all here.

>> coming up. >> here we are putting our lives on the line for the people in this country. they turn around and treat us like a piece of bleep. >> because he was a medic in the army tigers? don't be modest. i see how you've been investing. setting long term goals. diversifying. dip! you got our attention. we did? of course. you're type e* well, i have been researching retirement strategies. well that's what type e*s do. welcome home. taking control of your retirement? e*trade gives you the tools and resources to get it right. are you type e*? hey, i heard you guys can help me with frog protection? yeah, we help with fraud protection. we monitor every purchase every day and alert you if anything looks unusual. wow! you're really looking out for us. we are. and if there are unauthorized purchases on your discover card, you're never held responsible. just to be clear, you are saying "frog protection" right? yeah, fraud protection. frog protection. fraud protection.

frog. fraud. fro-g. frau-d. i think we're on the same page. we're totally on the same page. at discover, we treat you like you'd treat you. fraud protection. get it at discover.com chances are we're already there. or what you want to do,

12 brands. more hotels than anyone else in the world. like super 8, where every destination is super. for a chance to win one million dollars, visit wyndhamrewards.com ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ great rates for great rides. geico motorcycle, see how much you could save.

we film in prisons all over the world. we are constantly reminded that people who kill can come from all walks of life, even those we hold in the highest regard. bras was an army medic in iraq. a young man dedicated to saving lives in combat. when we met him in prison in colorado he was serving time for mayhem. >> when i approached bruce he was outside of his cell. i said, bruce, i am with a camera crew. what to you want? i said i know why you are here and i would love to get your story. he said why wouldn't you want my

story. look at me. i am like a movie actor. >> he had a 60 year sentence for accessory to commit murder. the crimes occurred over a four month period. they were committed over four months. the victims were form he were soldiers. >> it came out of nowhere one night. we were sitting this, drinking at my house. so we decide to go out and heave the house. the next thing you know there was a dead guy like in the parking lot and we were driving away. after that it escalated after that. >> why did you do it again, commit another crime? >> i don't know how to explain it. >> how many victims are we talking about? >> a handful. not too many. >> how many? >> ten at the most, maybe.

>> ten victims? >> at the most. it sound like a lot. >> only two of the eight were homicides. the others were robbed and badly beaten. >> when he was telling us the story it was almost like listening to somebody describe a video game. he was that detached. >> one on lost her eyesight and punctured her lung. she survived. she was found before she bred out, basically. >> we wondered if his experience in iraq played a role in his behavior. >> i don't want to blame -- i don't want to come home and say shame on -- boo me, so i should have total immunity. i am not saying that. >> he did not seem to have been bothered by the military experience. if anything i feel like he got a

charge from it. >> it's fun. i guess every kid's dream is to blow stuff up and shoot people. >> i think one of the things that was difficult for me in dealing with bruce was that when he told his sthoirs about being a soldier over in iraq, his behavior was despicable. >> we would rob people over there. i am taking this whether you like it or not. >> why were you robbing people in iraq? >> for the hell of it, i guess. because we could. >> the crime spree cause covered by the media. >> how were you portrayed. >> like i was a monster i guess. we were pusting our lives on the line for this country. >> he acted as though because he

was a medic in the army, that should give him some sort of pass for the crimes he committed when he came back. >> you see guys take people hostage and cut their hands off while they are raping their daughter in the other room. it wasn't like that. i don't want to say -- simple kind of crime. >> he didn't seem to have any empathy or compassion for the people he victimized. >> it's a shame it happened. it shouldn't have happened, but it did. i like to tell them don't dwell on it. try to forget about it as best you can and move on with your life. a murder is bad. innocent people don't deserve to die, i understand. but it happens. once is happens there is nothing you can do about it. it's nothing in a way. i am not a violent person.

i don't think i am. maybe anymore denial. who the hell knows. >> coming up, more than 30 years later an inmate comes to terms with murdering his wife on their honeymoon and the shock secret is revealed. >> it's like the person had a sex life after they got married. visit tripadvisor rome. with millions of reviews, tripadvisor makes any destination better.

with millions of reviews, dovisit tripadvisor new york. with millions of reviews, tripadvisor makes any destination better.

here is what's happening. the twhouz has confirmed the death of a british aid worker at the hands of isis. they have released a video purportedly showing the death of david haines. his brother says he will be missed terribly. a gunman is on the loose after shooting two pennsylvania state troopers. no arrests have been played. back to "lockup."

>> i think i was in love with her, yeah. then my love doid and turned into hatred. that's what got me in trouble. >> we met richard moore in the sewing factory in colorado's correction facility. gerald ford was president and the united states was celebrating its bicentennial. the country was going through what was widely regarded as a sexual revolution. that's when moore's troubles began. >> i was convicted of killing my wife in 1976 in the state of iowa. >> moore's wife, terry williams,

was a dancer at a local club when their relationship started. >> i was a customer. we hit it off decently and ended up -- we picked each other up, actually. we went to terry's apartment and made love and enjoyed each other's company, you know. we got married. then i began to have thoughts about terry, you know. i thought maybe terry was a bill different, you know. >> how so? >> i felt that the person was more -- more like a man than like a woman. and i thought the person maybe had been a man. >> why? >> from feeling into this area of their body, you know, i thought that's very similar to

me. you know, it's like the person has had their sex organ removed, that's what i thought. i wasn't completely sure. this was after we got married. >> it was on the fourth day of their honeymoon when he confirmed the suspicions. >> i confronted terry with questions i had. she told me she had been a man. >> did it make you question yourself? >>, oh, yeah, still to this day. >> tell me about that. >> to find out you are in love with someone who is homosexual and you are not a homosexual. then things started progressing to real loss of temper, you know, towards the individual and made read for the individual. i began to hate them, you know. i hated them enough that i killed them, you know.

i thought him to death because of his sexuality because he had been with me and i -- i'm not gay, you know. and it bothered me, you know. it angered me a great deal. made me really mad to think that the person had deceived me in this way. could have just told the truth when we met, said i am a transsexual. we could have had a couple drinks and been friends and that would have been the end of it. i would not sleep with a transsexual, you know, there is no way. but i did, unknowingly, you know. that bothered me at the time. and it still does. >> when we first started sfwuing richard about the murder of his former wife it was obviously he

was confliblthed about the situation. he was distancing himself by referring to her as him, them, that person. >> i wanted to take the person home and get the marriage anulled and be done with it. but i lost my temper and started thinking about murdering the person. i stopped on the freeway and i had an exit and had them get out of my car and shotd them to death. >> where? what was she doing when you shot her? >> she was looking at me. aid spoi 22 and i shot her in the head four times and covered the body up with a blanket and drove off. terry didn't try and defend herself at all.

just stood this when i shot her. she didn't put her hands up or anything like that. maybe she knew, i don't know for sure, that that was going to happen. i have no idea. >> once i started referring to terry as a woman he started embracing the fact that in his mind he had married a woman. terry was a female as far as he was concerned. i think it became a little more acceptable to him. at that point the interview took a dramatic turn. >> 30 years this is information, she was a transgender. >> i never heard that term. >> as far as she was concerned she was a woman. she had breasts and had a vagina, anatomically turned into a woman. >> i feel sorry for the victim, actually.

sympathetic because the person had a right to live no matter what they are, you know. but i was a lot younger then. so it bothers me even today. but i have to live with that. >> what's making you emotional? >> just thinking that i killed somebody. that maybe should still be alive, you know. >> did you love terry. >> i think for a while i did, yeah. i walked away from the whole situation, just got in my car.

well it's been nice knowing you. i don't know what else to say. i am going to drive on and think about all of this, you know. i had thoughts like that but i didn't live those thoughts. i lived the violent thoughts that i had instead of the good thoughts. >> coming up. >> the last time i talked about this on the record, the court tried to make me out to be a cold-blooded, ruthless monster. that's not me. >> at 16 he killed his parents. >> he had no emotion or any kind of answer as to why. >> but one couple sees more than just a killer. like days inn, where you can do everything under the sun. for a chance to win one million dollars, visit wyndhamrewards.com

woman: what do you mean, homeowners insurance doesn't cover floods? [ heart rate increases ] man: a few inches of water caused all this? [ heart rate increases ] woman #2: but i don't even live near the water. what you don't know about flood insurance may shock you -- including the fact that a preferred risk policy starts as low as $129 a year. for an agent, call the number that appears on your screen.

during our shoot at indiana

state prison we were with inmate aaron brown in what was for him an unusual day. he had visitors. >> you all right? >> uh-huh. just glad to see you. >> what's up, man? >> vicky and keith have played the rolf surrogate parents to homo. >> he would call to talk to my boys. the boys at the age they were were never home. we developed a friendship. i loved him. he just seemed kind of lost and lonely, you know. and then the crime happened. it was very heartbreaking. >> the crime occurred when brown was 16 years old. he is now serving two 50 year sentences for the murder of his mother and stepfather.

>> aaron brown bewilders me. he sat and wait with a shot gun until his parents came home one night. as his mom walked through the door he blasted her with the shotgun, shot at his stepfather, missed, and ended up chasing him around the house shooting at him until he finely killed him. >> we introduced brown about the murders. >> i just remember when i woke up, like the first thing i said that day was, today is the day. i had myself convinced that there was nothing wrong with it in my mind. there was no other away. >> from what? >> to escape from that environment. i didn't get abused, but i did not love my parents then.

i did not feel like i was loved. i just did not feel i can be there anymore. >> whatever he told me was pretty common stuff that owe chu curse in a lot of families? >> what was so wrong in your family? >> i have no idea. >> even in all these years. >> i have no idea. i wish i had a good reason why i did what i did. at least then there might be some way of justifying it. but there is not. there is no way of justifying what i did. >> he had no emotion about it and no kind of answer as to why. i couldn't figure out if he knew and didn't want to tell us. if he had buried something and was in denial or if he was an amoral person. >> i talked about it in court

and they said i had no remorse because i was so matter of fact. that's not the case. my personality type says i am matter of, in fact, about everything. the last time i talked about on the record the court tried to make me out to be a cold-blooded, ruthless monster. that's not me. >> before fleeing the scene of the crime, brown knelt by his mother's side one more time. >> the last time you looked at your mother, what was going through your mind then? >> nothing. pure silence. back then i was proud of what i had done. i was happy i had finally gotten away from that. now, it was stupid, it was pointless. two people died for nothing.

>> after he was incarcerated, brown reached out to his friend's mother, vicky. >> it was kerry to me. i was shocked. i didn't understand how that could happen. i guess i was selfish, i didn't want to just openly accept that phone call right away. but i am grateful to him. i am very grateful. >> i have led a very -- i don't know what kind of life you want to say, but i have done a lot of things in my life. >> we all have. >> so as i go through life i look at everybody and look at them as who they are instead of what they have done. if we look at each other as to what we have done, we would never have relationships with anybody. >> he said to me you have always loved him and been there for him. if he ever needed anybody, he would need you now. >> all right?

>>, yeah. >> he is a wonderful young man. >> a lot of people would have a hard time understanding what you guys are doing. he did what he did to his parents. >> we are called to who have and not judge. >> forgiveness. to be forgiven you have to forgive. that's the main key. and love is the key. love is the answer, you know. >> coming up, aaron brown discovers his own capacity for love. >> i am happy. >> it was a complete transformation from the guy i had been talking to.

hey, i heard you guys can help me with frog protection? yeah, we help with fraud protection. we monitor every purchase every day and alert you if anything looks unusual. wow! you're really looking out for us. we are. and if there are unauthorized purchases on your discover card, you're never held responsible. just to be clear, you are saying "frog protection" right? yeah, fraud protection. frog protection. fraud protection. frog. fraud. fro-g. frau-d. i think we're on the same page. we're totally on the same page. at discover, we treat you like you'd treat you. fraud protection. get it at discover.com ok, if you're up there, i coulsmart sarah.elp. seeking guidance. just like with your investments. that sets you apart. it does? it does. you're type e*. and seeking another perspective is what type e*s do. oh, and your next handhold... is there. you don't have to go it alone. e*trade gives you the support and guidance

to make informed decisions. are you type e*? when folks think about wthey think salmon and energy. but the energy bp produces up here creates something else as well: jobs all over america. engineering and innovation jobs. advanced safety systems & technology. shipping and manufacturing. across the united states, bp supports more than a quarter million jobs. when we set up operation in one part of the country, people in other parts go to work. that's not a coincidence. it's one more part of our commitment to america.

even while serving two life sentences at indiana state prison for murder, aaron proun pursued his education. >> i got my bachelors degree in

2004. >> he hopes it will be beneficial if he ever leaves prison. >> i would like to teach college when i get out. >> while brown was articulate on many subjects, he could not tell us anything when it come to explaining why he gunned down his mother and stepfather when he was 6 years old. >> i wish i had a good rein why i did what i did. but this is no. >> brown came as close as he ever had to being a parent himself during our stay in indiana.

>>, hey. hi. hello. >> i vividly recall aaron's face when he first saw his kitten. he looked like a child. he was so happy. it was amazing. it was a complete transformation from the guy i had been talking to prior to that. >> happy. >> the prison allows a number of well behaved inmates to adopt from a shelter. he qualified for the program. there wasn't this big range of emotion from him. this was either a mild hi happy guy era mildly sad. the only time i saw him really happy was when he got his cat. >> it's the first time i have seen you smile. >> i am sure my face is going to hurt tomorrow. >> we checked in with brown a

couple of weeks later. like any good parent, he was concerned. >> we had a few problems when i got her. she had fleas real bad. the shelter has 400 cats. she was getting sick. i think she had flea anemia. after three flea baths i ended up getting a flea treatment for kittens and used that on her. she has been good every since. she has a little rash. some sort of fungus that broke out in the shelter. but she is good. she is happy and playful. >> how about you? you sound like a parent of a newborn. >> it's kind of like being a parent of a newborn. i guess. i have never had kids.

she is like my kid. i want her to be healthy. i want her to be happy. as far as i can tell, she is pretty happy. there is the kid. >> you can feel when he talks about the cat. it's just this great emotion of happiness, to be able to have this. it's been a great blessing and gift. >> little things in life to us are not always, but when when you are in a situation like this, it's such a big thing. he loves it, he is so happy with the cat. we are all -- >> we are all happy. >> yeah. >> not long after the cat came into his life, brown decided to share the love by enrolling her in the prison's pet therapy program. he brings her to the treatment

unit to help with mental health problems. >> a little one. >> after aaron had her for a little while he seemed to start thinking outside himself. he started to become involved with other people. everywhere where he went he took the cat. that opened the door. he started engaging with other people, talking to staff, being more open. he had a softer side that emerged after she came into his life. we never had an overt conversation about the fact he killed his patients and now he was parenting a kitten. whatever he was feeling for his family and the people he killed, he seemed to transfer emotions over to this cat. it was interesting. i would check in periodically. we are filming aaron looking at

family photographs. he started to pause and seemed to be reminiscing in a good way as he looked at his mom. he seemed to have kinder feelings towards her. >> this is probably the best picture i have ever seen of my mom. this was in 85 when she graduated from a beauty school. >> he was describing her in a kinder, more loving way than i had heard before. >> obviously i recognize her, but i just don't remember her like this. this was 23 years ago. it's so long ago, i don't remember her like that. >> as he is looking at these photographs of his mom, i couldn't help but ask again, why did you kill her. he stared at me blankly as if i asked if he knew what the temperature was outside.

then, all of a sudden, picks up a picture and smiles gloriously. >> that was the 30th of august. i had only had her about a week and a half. she looks so different. >> he shows me a picture of the cat with this happy, loving smile. it was such an odd moment. i just remember stopping. it took me a while to take it in. you are kind of detached. >> from -- yeah. >> mom. >> it's kind of a coping mechanism, i think. >> after the denial, the years passed. >> i miss her.

due to mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised. msnbc takes you behind the walls of america's most notorious prisons. into a world of chaos and danger. now the scenes you've never seen. "lockup: raw." three unforgettable inmates. each one about to cross the threshold to freedom. >> look back, you come back. this time i'm not looking back. >> we witness their joys. >> i look like a pimp. look at this little phone. >> do you think i'm stupid? >> their fears. >> you were still wearing diapers when i was doing this. >> their triumphs.