suggested that the bill contains a few secret provisions. and that's ridiculous. there aren't a few secret provisions in the health care plan. there are like hundreds. >> well that is just a taste of what we're in for just a few minutes from now as the president is preparing to take the stage at the white house correspondents dinner. top of the hour here and our special live coverage continues. back with me beth phooey scott blakeman a political comedian, and alicia quarles. i want to thank you all for being with me of course. let's get to a couple things before we get to more of what the president has done in the past, i want to talk about the first lady who took to the podium. we all know who we're talking about, laura bush. is she the only one who has done

that. >> she's the only one to go to the podium to make fun of her husband. in 1972 pat nixon sat in for richard nixon. >> really? i'm going to thank the national journal for that one. >> let's take a listen to laura bush, because she was pretty funny. she was talking about the desperate housewives and all of that. >> ladies and gentlemen, i have been attending these dinners for years. and just quietly sitting there. well i've got a few things i want to say. george always says he's delighted to come to these press dinners. baloney. he's usually in bed by now. i'm not kidding. i said to him the other day, george, if you really want to end tyranny in the world, you're

going to have to stay up later. >> that was great. she was making fun of the fact he did not like to stay up late. he wanted his sleep if he could get it. >> that's right. you have michelle obama appear in videos in the past in white house correspondents dinners. but laura bush was the only one to go up and make fun of her husband. >> she also had comic timing. >> michelle obama appeared in the video. do you think michelle obama would do what laura bush just did? i would love her to do that. >> maybe if last year is his last one, that would be great. >> i just heard her speak a couple weeks ago, and had poignant things to say, but i don't know if she would do it. >> you don't think so? >> next year. >> next year. saving it up for the last year. >> what do you look forward to the most when you're listening to the president? do you want him to skewer the

people who are there? do you want him to skewer himself. what kind of humor do you look for the most? >> i like to see him skewer the republicans. he really takes all the criticism, his health care anything, and goes takes them and used it hilariously. he does it so well. >> i heard the scholarships are being given out. this is a scholarship dinner. let's take a listen to what's going on there in the washington hilton ballroom. >> a scholarship program because it really is a wonderful kind of example of continuity from what we are gathered here to do from our purpose to passing this on to young people who are going to pick up our legacy and run with it and be our future. this year we have a phenomenal group from all over the world. we have scholars from egypt and first generation americans and just such a diversity of talents from video and digital to writing and sports and foreign

policy. so, without further ado, we would very much like to introduce this year's scholars. and as i call your name please come forward. i think it's true. everyone here would much rather take the money, but you get to do both. from howard university jordan henry. of spring valley, new york. presence arise of east orange, new jersey. and brandon montgomery of hopkins, south carolina. our recipients of the debra orange scholarship from the

mudilla school of journalism are grace ellier from california. and nuar wadwad of homer glen, illinois. from columbia university sarah elkamal of cairo, egypt. from university of missouri at columbia, we have seven scholarship winners. here we go. cameron dodd from austin texas. abbey johnson from huntsville, texas.

john o'connor from lawrenceburg, missouri. travis hartman from brooklyn, new york. laura langill from ontario, canada. elizabeth shelton from bellbrook, ohio. and meredith turk from cleveland, ohio. from northwestern university -- >> how cool is that? you're up there and receiving an award. you're being hugged by the first lady of the united states.

shaking the president's hand. i mean it doesn't get any better. these people worked hard. >> we earlier criticized the amount of scholarship money, but it's priceless to be hugged by the president, first lady. what an inspiration. i love it's such a diverse group of students. >> absolutely. >> we're talking about the first lady's duties at this dinner. michelle obama loves education. she said the secret to achieving anything great in life is through education. she just said that a couple weeks ago when i heard her speak at an event. for her, this is the part she loves most. >> she's always great with kids. you can tell it's a great comfort zone with her. she may not love the press, may not love the pageantry of this dinner, but she loves giving the kids that. >> to celebrate journalism, it could have gone a different direction, but to see people who are excited about journalism despite the knocks it gets is a nice thing. >> absolutely. i can't believe they're not able

to get to all the parties. they have trouble getting to the parties. >> this documentary said a lot of times the scholarship recipients, the hard core parties are hard to get into restrictive. >> this is actually transitioned into bringing advertisers to the dinner. >> they pony up a bit. >> pony up a bit for scholarships for the kids. >> this is the end of the scholarship shipship part. again, the kids are going off with big dreams and huge congratulations. it's pretty phenomenal. how do you think the president is feeling? how do you think he's feeling right now? do you think he gets nervous? >> you know because actually the president is cool with this. but it's going to be hard for sesally if she was backstage somewhere. she's sitting onstage for three hours and you have to be thinking and crossing things out. it's a difficult situation, but

again, it's one that is -- >> the president is not nervous at all. he's been here many times. he owns it. the next day, we have osama bin laden, if you can do that, you can get through anything. >> i was nervous driving over here thinking would i be in her shoes. >> second city and improv where you have to sort of go with the flow hopefully that background will serve her well tonight. >> we're going to try to squeeze in another break. pay a little bit of money with the commercials. you know that way, we all get paid. are we getting paid tonight? okay, but anyway we're going to have a short break and be back on the sort side with our live coverage of the white house correspondents dinner. "depreciation" they claim. "how can my car depreciate before it's first oil change?" you ask. maybe the better question is why do you have that insurance company? with liberty mutual new car replacement,

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you'll miss me when i'm gone. it will be harder to convince the american people that hillary was born in kenya. >> back with me now, beth scott, and alicia. how much do you think the president can go after hillary?

because that's actually a very friendly target. we know he supports her. >> what was really interesting about that moment he is virtually indorsing her at that point, saying she's going to succeed him. where is joe biden. he's basically ignoring the fact his vice president is potentially a tender. >> one year he did a big joke about a big blank deal. and look you can always poke fun, i think he will do a hillary e-mail joke. it will be loving but it's material and he'll do it in a funny way. >> where is joe biden. usually in the past he's made fun of joe biden. in this one, he will go after hillary. i mean famously ran against each other a long time ago. people are going to come against that, but people know he's supporting her as well. >> there's major garrett, he's giving some journalism awards. wonder what these are all about. >> these are the awards for the

journalist, for the white house correspondents who cover the president. >> that's right. >> also wonder if there's a moment at the beginning, the president sometimes addresses serious things going on. the drones this week. freddie gray they just shut down baltimore. that's happening right now. i wonder if he takes a moment and acknowledges these before going into his -- >> people say, two years ago, the boston bomber. a wonderful quote, life does not cease being funny when people die, nor does life -- nor do you know people see things serious, people laugh. there's always something serious that happens. the drone strike but you always have to laugh and move on. >> one thing the president typically does is pay homage to the journalists who are basically in harm's way in war zones. there's a poignant example of that right now, the washington post tehran bureau chief has been arrested and charged with

espionage. the washington post has handed out 1,000 buttons that say free jason. a lot of people in the room are wearing them. >> actually one of the buttons you talked ub major garrett is wearing one. >> i bet a lot of journalists in the room are wearing them. >> all of that reverbiates through the room. with freddie gray shutting down baltimore, sometimes you have to take a moment and he's done that before to acknowledge the seriousness of what's going on in the news cycle. takes a moment and then gets into it. >> it's a saturday night in washington, d.c., everybody is here that wants to be there. he wants to be entertaining as well. >> 1941 fdr, the weirdest dinner ever. he hadn't spoken before at a dinner, and basically announced the rationale for the u.s. going to war. it took on a totally different tone, and then they had a comedian. we're going to war, now take -- >> after that announcement there was no dinner. yeah, but there was no food. >> then there was one time there was no president.

1981. >> ronald reagan. >> of course he had just been shot. and he was recovering. but got to give him a break right there, but that really -- there was somebody suggested that the president should actually not show up every once in a while. but that would make this a more exciting event. >> really? i don't know that i would necessarily agree with that. they're not forced to come to this event, but people are saying taking heavy criticism for the way it's turned. i know the article you're talking about, five ways to make it better. i wouldn't tune in if the president wasn't there. >> and at this point, it is what it is. as long as the message is celebrating journalism white house journalism it comes through. >> but there's a really interesting point on that. it used to be until about the late '80s they were supposed to bring sources, like a general if you covered the pentagon or a senator if you covered capitol hill. michael kelly, who was a magazine reporter for the atlantic i think 1987 brought

vaughn hall, who had stuffed documents into her bra or her boots in the iran contra scandal. she was oliver north's secretary. it seemed so long ago now, but that was the first time a journalist brought a nontraditional guest. and it opened the floodgates. even if she was sort of connected to a news story, pretty soon people were bringing guests that had no connection whatsoever to washington or the news and bringing kim kardashian. >> the scandal has opened it. i have to say kim is a good girl. >> barbra streisand came when she was 21 years old. they have been involved for a long time. that was the controversial one that changed it. >> you have so many television shows set in washington, d.c. or filmed in baltimore, like "house of cards" so that's become a big component in the last couple years. one of the people from "house of

cards" was here and then "scandal" so life imitated art. >> we talked to some of the house of cards kids. they're a fun group. >> fun, excited. they're happy. >> yet, they're so serious on the show. stuff is going down. so white house correspondents dinner myths. it's a night that washington exudes elegance at its finest. that's a myth that's what they're saying. because everyone is drinking. no, i mean some of the stuff that goes on at the afterparties is outrageous. of course, we're not going to be on for that. this -- so we actually just -- let's take a listen to this. >> my keen political intuition kicked in right away. i was one of the first to see it. if he worked hard and really

applied himself, he could go all the way. he could one day be mayor of the city of chicago. keep shooting for the stars. it's a big job. a lot has changed since then. for one thing, he's much harder to get on the phone. and it's harder to get an interview one-on-one until tonight. mr. president, we appreciate your presence here and we recognize that as your affirmation of the importance of the free and adversarial press. ladies and gentlemen, please join me raise a glass in a toast to the president of the united states of america.

the podium is yours. >> the president often criticized for his caution is now doing things his own way. he's got a climate deal with china, issued an immigration order. we'll see how far he can take it. ♪ i don't care i love it ♪ ♪ i don't care i love it ♪ ♪ i love it ♪ ♪ i don't care i love it ♪ ♪ i don't care i love it ♪ ♪ i love it ♪ ♪ i don't care ♪ ♪ i love it ♪ [ applause ] >> good evening, everybody. welcome to the white house correspondents dinner. the night when washington celebrates itself.

somebody's got to do it. and welcome to the fourth quarter of my presidency. it's true. that was michelle cheering. fact is i feel more loose and relaxed than ever. those joe biden shoulder massages, they're like magic. you should try one. oh, you have? i am determined to make the most of every moment i have left. after the midterm elections, my advisers asked me, mr. breads mr. president, do you have a bucket list? i said, well i have something that rhymes with bucket list.

take executive action on immigration. bucket. new climate regulations. buck it. right thing to do. my new attitude is paying off. look at my cuba policy. the castro brothers are here tonight. welcome to america, amigos. que pasa. what? it's the castros from texas? oh. anyway being president is never

easy. i still have to fix the broken immigration system issue veto threats, negotiate with iran. all while finding time to pray five times a day. and it is no wonder that people keep pointing out how the presidency has aged me. i look so old, john boehner's already invited netanyahu to speak at my funeral. meanwhile, michelle hasn't aged a day. [ applause ] i asked her what her secret was, she just says fresh fruits and vegetables. it's aggravating.

fact is though at this point in my legacy it's finally beginning to take shape. economy is getting better. 9 in 10 americans now have health coverage. today, thanks to obamacare, you no longer have to worry about losing your insurance if you lose your job. you're welcome, senate democrats. now, look it is true. i have not managed to make everybody happy. six years into my precedency some people say i'm arrogant and aloof, condescending. some people are so dumb.

no wonder i don't meet with them. and that's not all people say about me. a few weeks ago, dick cheney says he thinks i'm the worst president of his lifetime. which is interesting because i think dick cheney is the worst president of my lifetime. quite a coincidence. i mean everybody has something to say these days. mike huckabee recently said people shouldn't join our military until a true conservative is elected president. think about that. it was so outrageous, 47 ayatollahs wrote us a letter trying to explain to huckabee how our system works. it gets worse.

just this week michele bachmann actually predicted that i would bring about the biblical end of days. now, that's a legacy. that's big. i mean lincoln, washington, they didn't do that. but you know i just have to put this stuff aside. i have to stay focused on my job, because for many americans, this is still a time of deep uncertainty. for example, i have one friend just a few weeks ago, she was making millions of dollars a year, and she's now living out of a van in iowa.

meanwhile, back here in our nation's capital, we're always dealing with new challenges. i'm happy to report that the secret service, thanks to some excellent reporting by white house correspondents they're really focusing on some of the issues that have come up and they finally figures out a foolproof way to keep people off my lawn. it works. it's not just fence jumpers. some of you know a few months ago, a drone crash landed out back. that was pretty serious, but don't worry. we've installed a new state of the art security system.

you know what? let me set the record straight. you know i tease joe sometimes, but he's been at my side for seven years. i love that man. he's not just a great vice president. he is a great friend. we've gotten so close in some places in indiana, they won't serve us pizza anymore. i want to thank our hosts for the evening, the chicago girls, the incredibly talented sis eded cecily strong. saturday night live, cecily impersonates cnn anchor brook baldwin, which is surprising because ownusually the only people impersonating journalists on cnn are journalists on cnn.

abc is here with some of the stars from their big new comedy "blackish." it's a great show but i have to give abc fair warning. being blackish only makes you popular for so long. trust me. there's a shelf life to that. as always the reporters here had a lot to cover over the last year. the year on the east coast, one big story was the brutal winter. the polar vortex caused so many record lows they renamed it msnbc. but of course let's face it.

there is one issue on every reporter's mind, and that's 2016. already, we've seen some missteps. turns out jeb bush identified himself as hispanic back in 2009. but you know what look i understand. it's an innocent mistake. reminds me of when i identified myself as american back in 1961. ted cruz said that denying the existence of climate change made him like galileo. now, that's not really an apt comparison. galileo believed the earth revolves around the sun. ted cruz believes the earth revolves around ted cruz. and just as an aside, when a guy

who has his face on a hulk poster calls you self-centered, you know you've got a problem. the narcissism index is creeping up a little too high. meanwhile, rick santorum announced he would not attend the same-sex wedding of a friend or a loved one. to which gays and lesbians across the country responded, that's not going to be a problem. don't sweat that one. and donald trump is here. still. anyway. it's amazing how time flies. soon the first presidential contest will take place, and i, for one, cannot wait to see who

the koch brothers pick. it's exciting. marco rubio, rand paul ted cruz jeb bush scott walker. woo will finally get that red rose? the winner gets a billion dollar war chest. the runner-up gets to be the bachelor on the next season of "the bachelor." seriously, a billion dollars. from just two guys. is it just me or does that feel a little excessive? it's almost insulting to the candidates. the koch brothers think they need to spend a billion dollars to get folks to like one of these people. got to hurt their feelings a little bit. and look i know i've raised a lot of money, too, but in all

fairness my middle name is hussein. what's their excuse? the trail hasn't been easy for my fellow democrats either. as we all know hillary's private e-mails got her in trouble. frankly, i thought it was going to be her private instagram account that was going to cause her bigger problems. hillary kicks things off by going completely recognized at a chipotle. not to be outdone, martin o'malley went completely unrecognized at a martin o'malley campaign event.

and bernie sanders might run. i like bernie. bernie's an interesting guy. apparently, some folks really want to see a pot smoking socialist in the white house. we could get a third obama term after all. could happen. anyway, as always, i want to close on a more serious note. i often joke about tensions between me and the press, but honestly, what they say doesn't bother me. i understand we have an adversarial system. i'm a mellow sort of guy. that's why i invited luther my anger translator to join me here tonight.

hold on to your lily white butts. in our fast changing world, traditions like the white house correspondents dinner are important. >> i mean really. what is he saying? and why am i required to come to it? jeb bush? do you really want to do this? >> because despite our differences, we count on the press to shed light on the most important issues of the day. >> we can count on fox news to terrify old white people with nonsense. it's ridiculous. >> we won't always see eye to eye. >> and cnn, thank you so much for the wall-to-wall ebola coverage. for two whole weeks, we were one step away from the walking dead. and then you all got up and

moved on to the next thing. that was awesome. oh, and by the way, if you haven't noticed, we don't have ebola. >> but i still deeply appreciate the work you do. >> y'all remember when they had that big old hole in the gulf of mexico and then i plugged it? remember that? which obama's katrina was that one? was that 19 or 20? i can't remember. >> protecting our democracy is more important than ever. for example, the supreme court ruled that the donor who gave ted cruz $6 million was just exercising free speech. >> yeah the kind of speech like this i just wasted $6 million. >> and it's not just republicans. hillary will have to raise huge sums of money, too. >> oh, yeah. she going to get that money. she's going to get all the

money. kelisa is coming. watch out. >> nonstop focus on billionaire donors creates real prps for our democracy. >> that's why we're running for a third time. >> no we're not. >> we're not? >> no. >> who the hell said that? >> but we do need to stay focused on some big challenges like climate change. >> hey, listen if you ever notice california is bone dry. it looks like a trailer for the new "mad max" movie. you think bradley cooper came here because he wants to talk to chuck todd? he needed a glass of water. >> the science is clear. the science is clear.

9 out of the 10 hottest years ever came in the last decade. >> i'm not a scientist, but i do know how to count to ten. >> rising seas violent storms. >> you got mosquitoes, people on the train, it's just nasty. >> i mean look at what's happening right now. every serious scientist says we need to act. the pentagon says it's a national security risk. miami floods on a sunny day and we have elected officials throwing snowball in the senate. >> okay -- i got it. >> it's crazy. what about our kids? what kind of stupid short sighted, irresponsible -- >> whoa whoa whoa, hey. >> what?

>> all do respect, sir, you don't need an anger translator. you need counselling. i'm out of here man. i'm not trying to get into all of this. >> he crazy. >> luther my anger translator, ladies and gentlemen. now that i got that off my chest chest. investigative journalism splanatory journalism, journalism that exposes corruption, injustice, and gives voice to the different and the marginalized, the voiceless.

that's power. that's a privilege. it's as important to america's trajectory, to our values our ideals as anything we can do in elected office. we remember journalists we lost over the past year. journalists like stephen sotloff and james foley. murders ssed for nothing more than trying to shine a light into some of the world's darkest corners. we remember the journalists unjustly imprisoned around the world, including our own jason raven. for nine months jason has been imprisoned in tehran for nothing more than writing about the hopes and fears of the iranian people carrying their stories to the readers of the washington post in an effort to bridge our

common humanity. as was already mentioned, jason's brother is here tonight and i have told him personally we will not rest until we bring him home to his family, safe and sound. these journalists and so many others view their work as more than just a profession, but as a public good. an indispensable pillar of our society. so i want to give a toast to them. i raise a glass to them and to all of you, with the words of the american foreign correspondent dorothy thompson. is it not the fact of liberty but the way in which liberty is exercised that ultimately determines whether liberty itself survives. thank you for your devotion to

exercising our liberty and to telling our american story. god bless you. god bless the united states of america. [ applause ] >> little more seriousness at the end of that than usual. >> that was the most serious. >> but the beginning, president obama setting the tone saying he feels loose. that was the looseiest, edgiest performance i have seen him do. comedians will usually go that's funny. i was belly laughing throughout. it was not really just the president's routine, but it was a routine a comedian would do saying dick cheney is the worst president ever. it's stuff i wish i came up with. >> the bucket list. that's going to be trending. >> and hillary clinton.

talking about one of his friends, his one friend who has been making so much money of late and now living in iowa out of a van. that was hysterical. >> he did it in reverse. usually he'll start with his serious moment at the beginning. i'm glad he honored our journalists at the end. hilarious, going after michele bachmann, saying it's a biblical end of days. >> bernie sands sers line if he's elected, a third term for obama. >> i think he really went much more edgy with the anger translator. i predicted that is going to be a big talker for republicans. and actually it's going to be a big talker something to get a laugh from this. his entire political career his presidential candidate and two terms as president, everybody has been waiting for angry obama, the fear he's going to turn into an angry blackman. he never has.

he's a cool customer but this is an acknowledgment of what many people think must be going through his head. it's going to be controversial. >> a part of pop culture. the character, he translates obama to black people as the angry translator. it's kind of funny, tapping into the culture of the times representing it. and people they might go after it, but you know it's the times. >> again, so edgy. early, the bucket. you can't do that on jimmy fallon but the president can do it. it's so loose, and i wonder what next year is going to be like. there were a couple things. he had a picture of president obama on mt. rushmore. bill clinton did that joke a couple years zs ago. we guessed there would be a hillary clinton reference. this is stuff that a comedian would do not just the president. >> the thing i loved most was watching him while teigen michael key was up there doing his thing. the president's face is just

priceless. i don't know how he controls it. he really does have i think, a natural comedic touch. he must. >> or he could be a really good actor. >> that could be a scene from a television comedy show. he's that good. >> before we watched him, we were talking about what's he going to say about boehner. he said i look so old in the job, he's going to invite netanyahu to my funeral. i think they should take their act on the road at some point. >> look at cecily strong. she looks adorable. >> it's a chicago night. >> it is a chicago night, appropriately so. can you imagine what she must be thinking right now? almost there. looks cool as a cucumber. >> she worked for obama in his administration for a little bit. it's a chicago thing. >> let's take a listen because she's going to take to the podium any moment now. here it is what we have been waiting for. >> i don't know why, but women almost never serve in the position that cecily assumed tonight.

it's about time. cecily, i gladly welcome you to this podium. >> okay. feels right to have a woman follow president obama, doesn't it? goodefe evening. i'm cecily strong. you may know me from "saturday night live" or as the ethnically ambiguous girl from every college brochure. i'm kind of a mash-up of all of the people in the hillary clinton announcement video. i'm also the first straight woman to host this in 20 years, so we finally made it, straight people. where are my heterosexuals at? huh? now, i do need to say something

here. just because i'm a woman doesn't mean i'm going to go easy on you people. i'm going to go easy on you people because my brain is smaller. i feel very lucky to be here. last year's host joel mchale, proved that speaking at this dinner is an amazing opportunity that can take you from starring in a show on nbc all the way to starring in that same show but on yahoo. i took amtrak here. it was way more luxurious than i thought. did you know that they have massage seats available on those trains? all you need to do is sit in front of joe biden. those hands don't get tired, somehow. i hope everyone enjoyed dinner. we tried to get pizza to cater the event, but they heard a rumor barney frank might be

here, so thanks a lot, barney. we could have had that world famous indiana pizza. i can make that joke about indiana because i'm from illinois. the white house correspondents dinner is a chance for all of you to unwind relax, and laugh as soon as you notice someone slightly more powerful than you is laughing. feels so weird to be up here. okay i promise, since i'm only a comedian i'm not going to try to tell you politicians how to do politics or whatever. that's not my job. that would be like you guys telling me what to do with my body. i mean, can you even imagine? now, tonight's event is being broadcast on c-span so to some

viewers watching at home on c-span hello. but to most viewers watching at home on c-span, meow. now, if you don't know how to find c-span you just press the guide button on your remote and hit page up until your thumb cramps up. i just want to do a camera check real quick. okay, camera one. and that's it. that's all the cameras. it is great to be here at the washington hilton. it's something a prostitute might say to a congressman. the washington hilton you guys. man, if these walls could talk they would probably say, clean me.

you know it's crazy to think that our president is right here in the ballroom of the washington hilton. and it's even crazier to think that our vice president is right now in the ball pit of a washington chuck e. cheese. but seriously, the washington hilton is great. and i bet that when the president walked in and saw all those bellhops he thought, finally, some decent security. no it's okay. i'm just kidding. let's give it up for the secret service. yeah. i don't want to be too hard on those guys. you know because they're the only law enforcement agency in the country that will get in trouble if a black man gets shot. are you saying boo or true? tonight brings together so many different ways of delivering the news.

but you're all in this together. from the networks at the front to the internet and cable in the back, all the way to the incredible print journalists who are busing the tables. msnbc is here. i love msnbc. you know even their call letters are long winded. just a great variety of shows. rachel maddow, lockup abroad lockup raw, lockup suv, lockuppen espanol, lockup bloopers. they show so many prison documentaries, they're making ed schultz get a teardrop tattoo. for real. fox news is here. fox news has been losing a lot of viewers lately, and may they rest in peace. that's nice to say. that channel was all hot blond lady saidies and old dues. now every scene looks like a

party scene from weekend at berney's. and you got to give it up for cnn. it's comforting to know whenever a big story breaks i can turn to cnn and watch anthony bourdain eat a cricket. huffington post is here. hey, way to go on that partnership with aol. everyone in my chat room won't stop talking about it. buzz feed is here but i can show you aalistical of 17 reasons why they shouldn't be. and you guys don't forget, usa today is here. of course they're only here because they were slipped under the hotel door. now, that's usa today, unless today is saturday or sunday. npr is here. yeah.

they're right in the front. they had a lot of success with the podcast that finally answered the question, what would it be like if somebody gently whispered an episode of dateline, and i'm sorry you weren't able to get your plus one out of jail in time. they must be so pissed about the jinx. it's serial but with an ending. next season pick somebody who definitely did it like amanda knox. dna on the knife, you guys. nbc is here. you know even snl got criticized this year for making fun of isis. i think that's unfair. i mean if anyone is critical of taking isis too lightly, it's them. oh, and what can i say about brian williams? nothing, because i work for nbc.

oh there's so many stars from so many great shows here. we are really in a golden age of television. you know but i have to say, i still see so many negative portrayals of black and gay people out there. i mean it's 2015 and we still have tv characters like don lemon. it's ridiculous. the cast of abc's "blackish" is here, which i think is very inappropriate after the way they treated those whales at sea seaworld. some of the cast of the epic fantasy series "game of thrones" is here and they told me even they haven't seen this many nerds before. nay niome naomi cambm is here. you're lucky hillary clinton

isn't here because if you threw your blackberry at her, she would just delete everything right off it. hillary clinton said she used her private e-mail because she didn't want to use more than two devices. if it sounds familiar it's also one of the rules from the sex contract in fifty shades of grey. some of the cast of "downton abbey" is here thanks to a generous donation of the constituents of aaron schock. now, speaking of aaron schock you might notice i'm a little tan. i just got back from the most fabulous trip that aaron took me on, and i brought my instagram photos to share with you. you're probably familiar with this photo of him surfing in hawaii. can we widen out? that's me. by the end of i didn't even need a surfboard. i just used his abs.

then we went diving in this cool swimming pool he built. i hurt when i landed. here's me and aaron skydiving. aaron said he made his own parachute out of some gifts his constituents gave him. isn't that so sweet? oh, and here we are at the eiffel tower in paris. paris is so beautiful. mr. president, you should really think about going there some time. i hear the weather is nice in january. now, here we are on our trip to california. we must have done this for hours and hours. just so much wasted water. fun. here we are at aaron schock's own dinosaur island. and here we are after hunting the dinosaurs. but wait -- is that brian williams? you weren't there. what are you doing, you rascal?

oh, man. aaron and i, we just had so much fun. and no i know what you're thinking, but it was not romantic. it was strictly a friendship trip. he reminded me every day. just because aaron schock resigned doesn't mean there are not any smoking hot congressmen left. i mean looking out tonight, i see so many 10s. well, washington 10s. so new york 4s. indiana 30s? senate minority leader harry reid is retiring after serving more than 30 years in congress. a lot of people don't know this harry reid was a boxer before he spent five terms as a punching bag. one of my favorite things that happened ipcongress this year was when senator jim inhofe brought in a snowball to prove climate change isn't real. i mean that blew my mind.

i didn't even need to see the other science projects. first prize, jim. you brought science to life, man. so cool. senator tom cotton got 47 other senators to sign an open letter he wrote to iran and i guess the most surprising thing is that a guy named tom cotton is a u.s. senator and not a rabbit from an old racist disney cartoon. oh please don't throw tom cotton in the frying pan. good acting. now, in tom cotton's defense, he was just trying to repair america's strained relationship with israel. but you know he doesn't need to worry about that. our relationship will be better in the next administration just as soon as israel makes a generous donation to the clinton

foundation. true or boo? now, it's been a great year for women. as always. this year representative from hobby lobby said they didn't want to pay for employees' health care if it covers things like contraceptives which is weird because all i asked them is what aisle is the yarn in. actually, i do love hobby lobby. i went there this morning and i just bought the cutest little wicker basket to hold all my morning after pills. i know a representative recently asked if gine rological examines could be conducted by a woman swaulllowing a camera but they can't, and now he and his wife have ruined a perfectly good go-pro. president obama came out in support for putting women on the money, as uapoised to the dea

agents who preferred to put money on the women. so much to talk about this year. of course, the big story, the republicans finally succeeded, and obama is being forced out of office in 18 months. you did it. and there are so many great people who have announced they're running for president. it's like, who should i even vote for? hillary. who is better than marco rubio? hillary. and rand paul who is more knowledgeable about foreign policy than rand paul? hillary. and hillary, who is better on economy than hillary? bill. hillary's campaign slogan is it's your time which i assume is what she says into a mirror when she's dead lifting 200 pounds. i'm excited about hillary running. i'm not sure if she's excited about having to run. i think she feels the same way